10 Tips on How Do You Know When an Older Man is Uncomfortable Dating, Committing to You

When some older men choose to date younger women, they are apprehensive at first.  These are the men who haven't dated anyone decades younger, because for years they have been preoccupied with their own age group or older.  Their discomfort with dating someone younger is due to many things including not being confident in who they are, nervous about what others might think, fighting feelings of incompatibility or inadequacy, and a host of other emotions.

A young woman might pick up on some signs that an older man may not be sold out on dating her and may call the relationship off before he does.  Here are some reasons that would make any woman (young or old) not want to continue dating a man insecure about the age gap. 

1.  He doesn't mention bringing you around family or friends.

Repeated conversations might have come up about family and friends yet he doesn't take you anywhere around these people.  He might make promises to meet them one day, but somehow he finds a way to get out of making arrangements.

2.  He avoids planning outings where you are both seen together by those he knows.

He knows how his favorite relatives and friends are going to react so to save himself and you the embarrassment he just doesn't find meeting them important at this time.  Some men know they are not yet over exes and may be exposed on their lies, so rather than risk their young dates disconnecting from them, they will keep the keys to the truth hidden in this case people who know them well, family.

3.  He prefers taking you to places that appear out of the way, distant.

Does your partner have something to hide?  Bring up places you like to go repeatedly.  Don't be shut down by his suggestions.  If he doesn't make room for your input now, what makes you think he will later?  You have a right to a good time with anyone you choose not to a hidden romance with possibly a controlling and manipulative person.  So find out what is his reasons for putting off all your suggestions to visit together certain areas.

4.  He often talks about how young you are.

Run.  His view isn't going to change when you are 30 plus and active and he is 50 plus slowing down and not so active.  He knows he shouldn't have opened that door up to a younger woman and most likely people around him are telling him he needs to find women his own age.

5.  During disputes he comments, "You are stupid, act like child...why do I bother dating girls?"

Once again, he wanted to date you and now he complains about you.  No one has time to diagnose a head case.  Of course, you are going to act young, because your are YOUNG.  And the opposite of young is old.  He ought to act his age and stop with the name-calling.  Say bye, Felicia!

6.  He appears nervous and uncomfortable when you speak to others in his presence.

Is he worried that you might sound immature to his circle?  Is he concerned you might talk too much?  Is he ashamed of how much more intelligent you might be compared to him?  Now how long is his negative demeanor supposed to last?  Don't hold up your life for the man who doesn't feel comfortable in your presence--move on.

7.  He acts confused, even rude, when you explain to him what your age group likes.

Of course he can't relate to a person 10 plus years younger if he doesn't bother reading or watching anything you and your group finds interesting.  He is clueless!  His age really begins to show when he starts talking about things from back in the day that you can't wrap your head around.  Unless you and he are willing to find common ground, there will be none in personal interests, business, parenting, etc.  Take a moment and research what it was like for him growing up, being a young man, and what he did during the age you are right now, you will learn a lot about why he carries the views he has about women, sex, communication, lifestyle, and more.

8.  He often says things like, "You need to grow up!  Are you wearing that?" it's as if he is pressuring you to act and dress older.

Once again he is showing just how much he is not on board with the age gap relationship.  Rather than accepting it, he turns it into a father daughter connection. Ugh!  Can we say, controlling!?

9.  He starts to talk negatively about marriage and family and how much of a burden you and other people, places and things in his life are, we have a problem, Houston.

There is a lot said when nothing is said.  Maybe he hasn't verbalized anything but his gradual disinterest says it all.  Yet, if he has shared some mean-spirited comments about everything from who you are to parenting practices, it is safe to say he wants out.  Some men should have never even entertained the thought of marriage and children for themselves--they are ill-equipped emotionally and physically.  Not every man or woman is meant to be married and have children especially when they have a history of not wanting to be either/or. 

Look back on the months and years being with the older man and you will see just how much he has changed.  If he is a better person as a result of the marriage and family planning, bravo!  But if he is nit-picking, complaining, and placing blame on you as well as other women including his own mother, time to redirect your attention to greener pasture.  Men like this only get older and grumpier about their life choices.

10.  He has made it plain that he doesn't like or love you for any number of reasons he has came up with and none has anything to do with the fact that he is older.

Of course, he has to find everything that is wrong with you and not him.  He has to run from the fact that he had no business dating/marrying you in the first place.  Most likely he was forewarned by loved ones early on that most age gap relationships don't last.  They questioned him, "What do you want with that young woman?"  And we all know what many older, single men or newly divorced ones want other than friendship, sex and to relive those days when they had a crush--aww, not!  You weren't put on this planet to be anyone's temporal fantasy.  So you awaken to the truth and most likely you slammed the older man with something like, "There is more to me...You are just using me since you want to say all I want is your money...well that isn't all I want...I want more out of life!  And it would have been nice to be with someone who genuinely loved me and treated me with respect.  I am not responsible for your insecurities when it comes to dating or being with young women.  Get over yourself and be the kind of man you claim to be!"

When he met you young woman, he knew you didn't have as much money as he, may not have owned or drove a fancy car, lived with roommates or alone, had debt possibly up to your eyeballs, yet you looked very attractive--far more better looking than other women he dated and youthful too.  So he didn't want to pass up the opportunity when you gave it to him.  Now he has second thoughts, third thoughts, and whatever other doubts about being with you.  It is what it is, right?  Now the ball is in your court, what to do?  I think you know the answer to that question.

Here's to a successful future!

Nicholl McGuire

  

Older Men Looking for Younger Women - Dating for Wants not Needs

A single, older man who seeks selfish gain has an agenda before he even starts dating someone new. The kind of plan with the objective to meet his wants and not always his needs.  Most often what or who is most important to him (that person, place or thing) is already managed as far as he is concerned.  But those wants of the older guy are very tempting to him, temporarily satisfying, and at times worth the risks that come with them at least so he thinks. 

When older men seek younger women, what do you think is going on in some of their minds? Consider things like:  companionship, attention, adoration, sex, travel buddy, an assistant or some other want.  These are their benefits they often receive depending on their selection of women (most lovers give very little while expecting much in return).  These mature men have already had their share of  life disappointments and so now they seek after what they feel is essential to their well-being and present lifestyles, yet sometimes their wants outweigh common sense.  Ponder on the following.

Unchecked health issues dominate a man's mind; therefore he looks to others to treat his ills by distracting him with entertainment; rather than making a doctor's appointment or sitting down with a psychologist or a person of faith.

  

Poor choices in past or current mates rob him of inner peace, joy, money, relationship with children, etc. instead of blaming himself, he shifts blame, makes excuses, or hopes his personal issues will just go away or one day get better without doing anything or very little to make personal changes.  

His desire to achieve becomes more significant than quality relationship building. Instead of building people up (family, friends...) as he moves up the ladder of success, he fault-finds, insults, and bad mouths.  A Creator is unimportant, spirituality has no impact, and he feels a void despite all of the material wealth and business acquaintances he has gained.

These are just a few of the many things that motivate an older man to find a bit of pleasure in a young woman.  He runs away from the things that bother him while he expects/demands/controls his fountain of youth.  In time, his younger partner doesn't look as appealing to him due to aging, childbirth, stress, etc.  So he isn't very kind or caring while his eyes wonder elsewhere.  

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Without quality friends around these troubled older men to shake them back into reality and out of their personal fantasies, they will continue to go after gullible young women who ultimately give them nothing more than a headache and empty bank account over time. 

 

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The compatibility they eventually realize simply isn't there as they mature along in years.  Unfortunately, many of these disgruntled older men take out their negative emotions on those closest to them.  Meanwhile the young ladies come to the realization that the aging process in their older partners is more than they can handle.  They either fight back, ignore, or move on to nicer guys whether young or old.  As far the older men who see they are no longer charming in the eyes of their companions, they reason, "It's not me, it's them..."out with the old and in with the new.  This cycle may repeat with the miserable,stubborn, bitter, and angry older men over and over again until their dying days.

As much as some of us enjoy connecting with older or younger, we all need to understand that there are needs and wants in these matches, engagements and marriages and if one is unwilling to meet a person's desires, besides one's own, on both an emotional and physical level (no matter the age) there will be trouble!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much,Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

No Acting Older Than You Are, Young Women are Watching

Older men, who feel the innate need to feel young again, have this personal issue that a young woman could care less about.  As far as she is concerned she just wants to know that you are mentally, physically and financially stable.  The last thing she wants to hear about is how forgetful you are getting, how you have an ache here or there, how broke you are, what you don't know, and how you can't get there from here.  These are not the kind of things you want to share with a new date!

Older men that often complain about all sorts of things like bills, exes, adult sons and daughters, and long lines at the store are such a bore!  Why bother dating young women?  Some older men should simply stick to their own age group.  These same grumbling men will drop hints about their lack (whether true or not) as well as have other ups and downs that exes already know about and young women will soon discover.  The troubled older man would do better talking to their own age group about personal challenges or better yet, seeing a doctor.

Think about this, would any man want to hear a woman nag, cry or moan often about her woman problems?  So why would an older man assume a young woman would want to hear about his mid-life woes?  Now there are some women who have a heart for male mid-life issues, but others not so much especially those who have been on the fence about dating older men.  You can easily turn young women off if you act older than what you are.

There is a fight to stay young if an older man should want to brave dating women with a significant age gap. A man has to have some degree of youth to keep the young woman liking, loving and respecting him. He doesn't have to act like a 20 plus year old, but he should exude the kind of confidence that says, "I enjoy life, having fun, and appreciate my companion."

Older men, who can't keep young women around, are the type who tend not to be happy with themselves much less anyone else.  These men have no real desire to stay fit, live unsatisfactory lifestyles, and can't see beyond their personal challenges.  It isn't any wonder why some will change partners like they do their undergarments--young women grow weary of grumblers.

It is safe to say that a young woman who sincerely wants a good relationship will stick it out with a man who doesn't make her feel miserable by frequently complaining and acting older than who he is. The last thing a young woman wants is to feel like her youth is quickly passing by because she is with an unhappy older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Older Men, Relationships, and Not Settling

If there is anything that I have learned from dating older men over the years, especially during my twenties, is that most of the time the connections are temporal.  They aren't forever and always love affairs. 

The men I met had issues.  There was the wife, the children, ex-girlfriends, friends with benefits, a criminal past, and more.  Several were controlling types and others were cool, too cool and really didn't care too much about anyone or anything.  I must admit those that I did end up settling with all had the following common traits: straightforward (didn't beat around the bush about what they wanted), had jobs, dressed well, and enjoyed being entertained by me.  Look I wasn't looking for much and that's what they appreciated about me.  They didn't have to buy me either--a couple really couldn't afford to spend much, so I didn't expect much.

When the blogs were invented, they were god-sent, because all the information I kept secret, hurt about, wish I could have, should have, I could air out my grievances, the ups, downs, and advice I wished I had at the time when I was dating much.

Older men can make good friends, but what they can't do is be fathers to young women.  I must admit that there was something within that I deeply desired from my own dad and sometimes the attention, affection, and spoiling they provided made me feel special.  Every little girl has a time in her life that she wants her daddy to just love her for her!  Daddies who don't do their part, unfortunately leave little girls out there--ripe for the picking.  Some guy, whether older or younger, is going to pick from the tree.  He might find a rotten piece of fruit on it too!

A while back, I wrote a non-fiction guide entitled, She's Crazy. It is a book that provides much information about letting go of crazy women.  I really hope you take a moment to read and purchase this work.  Feel free to share it with a buddy who is going through much.

Dating older guys is not as popular as it seems, there are many young women that avoid mature men.  There are pros and cons to dating any man (irregardless of age), and some people have little tolerance for anyone who behaves in ways that go against their personal boundaries too. 

Don't give up your moral compass for anyone or anything, stand your ground whenever you can and be certain that whatever they suggest you really want to do it.  You can save a lot of time, energy, and preserve your youth if you don't settle for the guy or girl who is only 50% your type. 

Shoot for that quality connection, they are out there!

Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy and other books.

Deception: When the pretty woman, nice man turns ugly

Don't ever feel so comfortable with an older man that you, younger woman, feel as if you can let yourself go.  And older man, don't feel that a younger woman will stick around just because you promise to take care of her while pretending you are taking care of yourself.  In both situations, you will be found out sooner or later! 

Most experts will tell you that men are visual creatures who like to look at attractive women.  Well, I will have to say that women like to look at nice looking men too, but beauty isn't high on our list.  We can date unattractive men as long as they have other things that attract us to them like a nice body, voice, intelligent, kind, caring, etc.  With that said, a younger woman who thinks that she can go from a 10 to a 5 while dating an older man who she feels comfortable with is going to find herself in trouble one day like an ugly, nice man thinking that it's okay to start acting mean now that he has the pretty woman.

How you begin a dating relationship is going to set the foundation for the future.  People lose interest quickly when the packaged goods is not what they expected they would be once they have invested in them.  If the younger woman advertises, "Fun and sexy with no strings attached."  What do you think that older man who stumbles across her profile is going to want from the day he meets her and beyond?  So a future of marriage, not likely, if she so desires that kind of relationship with him one day.  If the younger woman displays an ad that says, "Christian single seeking an older man who loves God..." She is going to expect that older man to have a faith and attend church with her.  Now if he starts going to the club or bar, the relationship is over. 

We must be careful what messages we convey to others especially if we are seeking our ideal mate.  We also have to be willing to keep up with our image as best we can.  The people who have the hardest time maintaining who they are and what they represent are those who are not sincerely what they claim to be.  If the older man claims that he is active and outgoing in the beginning of th dating relationship, yet when he starts dating the younger woman, she discovers he is the total opposite of what he says, the younger woman is going to feel deceived and call him out on his false advertising.  Why lie or cover who you really are?  Why point the finger back at someone when busted in a lie?

The best advice anyone can take from this blog entry is to be on your best behavior while dating, but also stay true to who you are!  One shouldn't have to find out the hard way that someone sold them a bag of goods just to get immediate needs met.  The pretty woman should stay pretty for as long as she can.  The ugly man should stay nice for as long as he can.  Don't change the script, so to speak, without telling your date in advance so that he or she won't be shocked.  Far too many women wear fake items to enhance their beauty and far too many older men take medicines that make their bodies behave in ways that are unreal.  Once all the glitz and glamour and male enhancements wear off, you are left with your true self!  Now who is deceiving who?

Nicholl McGuire

Is it Really Love or Societal Brainwashing? Making Boys out of Grown Men

"If I am more concerned about the way I look and feel while making someone else happy who just so happens to be younger than me, then I am going to overlook those people and things around me that don't feed my ego--no matter how important they might be to me."  Sounds like a little crazy thinking, huh?  Well, the selfish, arrogant, mid-life male has an interesting way of reasoning why he does what he does.  "I need love, I need someone to appreciate me...and by God, I'm going to find her!"  How about thinking like this, "I am unhappy right now about many things and rather than focus on someone else or something else making me happy, I choose to focus internally on a broken me, how might I be able to fix me?"  Sometimes it is simply a trip to the doctor that helps, a moment with one's Creator, and a supportive network of others who are solving their woes.

Let's face it, we all are aging, even the young women out there, but what seems to be happening is this fight to look and feel younger is messing with many supposedly mature men's minds to the point that they are losing jobs, money, marriages, relationships with children, and more!

I have read comment after comment on various sites about 50 plus year old men finding 20 something young women "compatible, fun, sexy," etc.  It is nice to read that many men have found a compatible partner that "...gets me," so some say.  However, are they really in love or is it lust?  If we were to interview these same men who have been dating for a month, or a year or more later, will they still feel head-over-heels in like/love for their young mates?

With so much media hype about defying age, one can easily band aid one's crisis with someone or something that doesn't remind him or her, "You are getting old..." there are more than enough options.  It doesn't help matters when you don't have supportive people around you.  Older women tend to make less than uplifiting comments about aging, mature friends will joke about getting older, and even young people will tease the middle-aged about what they look like, but for some men it is no laughing matter about growing older, so they defy it by doing just about anything that says, "You still got it, man!" 

Many mature men aren't interested in young women simply because they don't want to take advantage of them, they are like daughters in their eyes.  These men consider themselves wise and aren't the least bit interested in seeking a fountain of youth.  They love their wives, appreciate their sons and daughters, and are content with who they are--gray hair and all!  Some mid-life men who aren't so blessed to have a family that is still intact, refuse to allow media brainwashing to make them feel like they ought to find someone younger to complete them, so they too opt out of the age gap dating scene. 

When one is in love, of course, age doesn't matter, flaws are of little concern, and one is enamored with all there is, beauty, brains, body--you name it!  But every now and then, the idea will pop up in a mid-life man's mind that his young partner will awake to a harsh reality.  "He just is too old for me...he isn't what I had in mind...what am I missing out on by being with him...how much longer will he be able to satisfy me sexually?  I think my parents are right, he's just too d*mn old!"

One must contemplate whether a May-December relationship is just that, meant to be only months long, rather than years.  Tricks are for kids and one who is maturing and aware that time is important, doesn't want to play any games with his life.  Yet, society plays mind games on many middle-aged men by telling them to do things like: watch games made for boys, play games made for boys, buy boys' toys, and sit amongst The Boys.  So if one is so focused on activities made for boys, where does a mature woman fit in?  She doesn't.  So off he goes with the girlfriend meant for a boy not for a man--get it?  Thinking back, what do most young adult boys do anyway?  Lust after young girls then have sex with them.  They play a sport or two, work a job, spend money on an expensive toy, drink alcohol, travel, and do it all over again tomorrow without a care--that is until the following happens:  someone says, "I love you!"  She contracts an STD, says she's pregnant, wants to get married, asks for one's money or wants to drive his car, now the adult boy is forced to become a man.  Now what he does with that young woman, during those trials, will determine how much of a man he truly is-- age is irrelevant.  "I don't know what to do...why didn't you protect yourself...who were you sleeping with...you aren't getting my money...you aren't driving my car...you're not my wife...I'm not marrying you!"  The adult boy, full of regret, plays the blame game, looks for an escape, and acts selfishly.  This is why he can't last with a woman his own age, the mind has yet to mature.  And how will it, when he constantly permits himself to be programmed by people and systems who are unsupportive of the natural aging process?

We must all take some time to question our motives, our feelings, and why we do what we do.  For some mature men, young women lose their shine after awhile, especially when some ladies can see through an adult boy's games.  They know when they are being played, and sooner or later they will either create a game of their own or bail out.  Some mature men lose their shine because they just don't get the younger women particularly the wise ones.  However, young women don't become wise overnight and neither do adult boys who still have a lot of growing up to do!  Both need time to understand who they are before they can understand one another and they must also recognize when they are being brainwashed by the powers that be.   Is he really having a male midlife?  Is she really seeking a father figure? 

In closing, men: avoid the "boys will be boys" mentality coupled with age defiance, and get real with yourself, your family, and that one you claim you love!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books.  She is looking to advance her virtual assistant role and small self-publishing business in the near future.  Learn more here.  Angel investors are welcome!

Married Men will be Home for the Holidays

For the young women hoping that the married man will be with them during the holidays, think again!  If he does come around, he would have told a fantastic lie to relatives in order to get out of the home during the evening or late at night which he just might avoid being that family holidays is a time for togetherness.  If you see the married man before or during a holiday, it will be between his errand running and he will obviously look stressed and will be in a rush.  Wives may be busy, but not too busy to notice that something is a bit strange about their spouses.


These other women await for their unavailable men's return to their beds in the hopes that things will get back to the way they were. They hope the gifts of money, time and affection will continue as usual.  However, the holidays have a way of changing some men's hearts, minds and bank accounts when it comes to their other women.  No sense in acting like a crazed woman if the married man says, "Listen, I really don't think we should keep seeing each other.  I don't think it is a good idea..."


While these young women had hoped for babies to their new lovers, serious relationships or their older men to divorce their wives, there will be an unexplained energy in the air, the kind that includes prayers and curses coming their way depending on the kind of men these women decided to connect with.  As much as men and women reason that all is okay despite saying wedding vows before a supernatural God, the reality is, it isn't--it  really isn't.  Consider the countless media stories of scorned wives and lovers going off the deep end as a result of being cheated on and lied to.  Until a man is divorced, he shouldn't be leading any woman on, making her believe that he is ready to move on with his life when it is obvious, he is not.  So many men manipulate women then wonder why these sweet, beautiful young woman turn into crazy, obsessed b*tches, don't wonder, get out while you still have a mind and body intact as well as your freedom.  See blog on dating and domestic violence as well as other abuses http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com 


Women, who have been in relationships with the following types of unavailable men such as:  married men,  married abused men, abusive married men, or are involved with married Sugar Daddies, know what it feels like when it seems like one's world is mysteriously getting worse fooling around with these backslidden Christian oath takers who stood before a group of people to declare their love for wives knowing full well they never loved God, his church or the wives they are committed to! 


From health to finances, the young woman has more problems to solve while the unavailable man becomes less and less in their lives until he is no more!  Babies born in these relationships never fully get to know their fathers.  They are often forgotten about sooner or later, because the married man has to keep his mess away from his supposedly happy home. 


One or both know when an affair is coming to an end when usually the married man is not acting as kind, patient and generous like he once was.  He may find excuses not to come around his lover anymore or blatantly express his feelings of guilt, resentment, and anger toward wife and lover(s).


To eliminate some of the personal drama, it would make sense for any woman or man in a troubled relationship like this to end it, but there is always that but...or butt that makes things difficult.  If this describes your situation, one way of relieving some of the tension is to keep away from all things that tempt you to want to go back to a lover.  If her smile attracts you, rid yourself of images on and offline that remind you of her.  If seeing him at a nearby workplace makes you want him, then avoid watching him and going to that place whenever possible.  If she is one of your Facebook friends, a part of a dating network, a co-worker, or is in or around your home, or lives nearby, you will need to stop making an effort to talk and be with this young lady. 


People ignore one another everyday and when you are determined to get on with your life and rid yourself of past mistakes, you don't keep inviting them back into your world.  If a baby is involved, you have no choice but to do your part to help the young woman and your baby.  If you are a married father reading this, you most likely will have to share this information with your spouse if the young woman plans on letting the world know about the baby via the court system, media, or confronting your wife and other relatives. 


Most young women and older married men find each other as a source of escape from troubled marriages and mundane lifestyles.  It was a process to get together and it will be a process to break up, but it can be done.  Who wants to keep waiting by the phone for a call all hours of the day and night or worry over whether he or she is sleeping with someone else, stressed about money and gifts, or concerned that someone with a taste for blood just might find out about the relationship?


A man or woman who doesn't want to have to deal with the adrenaline rush of keeping secrets and telling lies during what is supposed to be a happy season, will stay home at least for a time.  Having an affair is work.  Telling lies and trying to keep up with those lies is exhausting.  Remembering to address the needs of a wife, tend to work responsibilities, and do for children and other relatives is hard work.  Then there is that young woman who thinks to herself, "What on earth did I get myself into?"  Free yourself.


Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire

Improve You and Dating Experiences in the New Year

For some singles they are turning over a new leaf in the New Year. They are looking forward to dating a bit differently like changing dating preferences and upgrading personal images for starters.  Courageous men and women who have never dated younger or older, a different ethnicity or even out of their hometowns are ready for new dating experiences this upcoming year, according to some online dating forums.

You might be one looking to make a difference in your life, if so, bravo to you!  Why not think outside the box?  Many of us who have dated a variety of people in our lifetime did so, because we simply got tired of doing things based on past dating experiences or teachings passed down from family.  You never know who you might cross paths with and that person just may be the one!

Now some couples are simply fed up with one another for any number of reasons including age related issues and if this is you, well you don't have to stick it out in a miserable relationship.  Fall back from the dating scene a bit, recover and then come back for some more good times when you are ready.  If you have a faith, use it--someone is out there for you!  Here are some tips on improving your future dating experiences:

1.  Work on your health.  Watch your weight.  Exercise and check in with your doctor and dentist.
2.  Don't keep ex-lovers, wives, husbands, etc. on speed dial.  Move on!
3.  Vow that you will never permit yourself to be broken spiritually, mentally or physically by a future or current partner.
4.  Keep your relatives out of your personal life. This means no updating them on dates you are not serious about.
5.  Find the time for you!  The world doesn't revolve around that new someone you meet--no matter how friendly, wealthy, attractive,etc.
6. Do your part to make some great memories when dating someone.  Don't rely on others to make you happy.
7.  If you believe in a Creator, why not practice your faith and attract someone who is spiritual like you?

With so much happening online in dating world you can never be too safe.  Take precautions when meeting someone online and never rush into doing anything with someone you barely even know!  There are countless stories of victims who just didn't bother researching before sleeping with dates and now they are either connected with the wrong partners, in jail, deceased or have their share of unwanted children or STDS (sigh).

Have a great New Year connecting with someone who is right for you! 

By the way, check out our partners on this site who work hard to bring you some great services around the web!

Nicholl

Tricks are for Kids: Silly, Smart Women

Watch enough reality shows, celebrity award programs, movies, and other so-called award-winning productions and you will find many, many silly women and men.  But for purposes of this blog entry, I will be focusing on silly, smart women that draw our attention.

Whether she is a celebrity or someone you know from work, these silly, smart women are the ones who do and say things that are selfish, but guise their deeds up with "helping, encouraging...loving Jesus..." and more.  They dress younger than their age.  Talk in ways that make you think you are speaking with a child, rather than an adult.  Shop for things in stores that would typically excite children, not women.  Many have been abused as a child and many more know how to change from one personality to the next especially when feeling threatened or controlled in a relationship. 

You may have heard of a celebrity or two acting silly.  Some purposely act silly; however, there is absolutely nothing juvenile about them, but in order to make a living, there are those women who act immature.  Sometimes a parent/relative/manager/lover encouraged them to act in stupid ways and rewarded them for it.  Meanwhile, you may have said to yourself, "What is with this woman?  What exactly do you call helping others when she is dancing around half dressed looking like a Barbie, acting like a fool in movies, and supporting all things immoral, childish and downright stupid?"  But silly, smart women know how to draw you in.  You may have thought wisely for a moment, yet if that beautiful or not-so attractive woman with a great body is in your presence, you would most likely look for something about her you admire and forget about her immaturity or silly act.  Before long, you would be opening your wallet or your arms up to her.

Silly, smart women know how to draw, not only men to them, but women too.  They need to establish trust with everyone they encounter.  They desire friends in order to accomplish their goals.  For some silly, smart women they talk childish, act silly for a time while waiting for the opportunity to get their needs met--whatever that might be.

Being a stingy, grumpy, evil S.O.B. who thinks he knows it all is not going to help most older men who think they can outsmart silly, attractive women.  Some men are simply suckers for charm, beauty and immaturity.  The best thing a mature man can do to protect himself from the silly actress or childish younger woman is to not entertain her--ignore her.  She can be as smart as a Bill Gates, but with silly attached to her list of attributes isn't a good thing, no matter how much you reason it's okay--maybe for the younger silly man, but not for someone who is supposed to be wise and mature.
We all know when someone calls us, "silly" for doing something, that isn't a compliment.  Silly people, things and places mean childish, boy and girl behaviors not grown men and women.   If you are a Bible reader you know that your Creator wants you to put off childish ways.  Men are called to grow up!  But it's hard to see that when you see far too much media celebrating silly behavior both on and offline.   Unless you are just as silly as an immature woman, if not worse, your relationship just might have it's share of challenges.  Sooner or later you will be calling her a name or two for her child-like behaviors.

Men who are accused of being too serious, dull, boring and even mean-spirited because they don't know how to "lighten up" and take one day at a time (with a smile on their faces) will find it difficult dating most younger women who are in their early 20s attending college or working with children.

Immature men, silly ones, are not going to be a good match for a younger woman who is often serious and finds laughing difficult, but tend to get along well with immature women for a time.  But two silly adults can drive one another crazy especially when one is ready to act more adult while the other doesn't want to grow up.

But silly, smart women and men both have a common plan and that is to use their immaturity to get what they want, when they want it.  Many aren't interested in anything long term.  Most are more concerned about how dating one who is older is going to make them look.  If he is rich, he is a catch.  A poor older man is no better than a young, poor man.  Knowing these things, be cautious of that one who you are quick to label silly, keep in mind, she just might be smart too.  Unfortunately,  many men will be hurt because they didn't see through the act.

Nicholl McGuire

4 Dating Apps for People Seeking an Age Gap Relationship - Older Men Dating Younger Women

For younger women looking to date older men or vice versa but are too shy to connect offline, there are sites that cater to your needs.  The following is a list of dating apps for people who want to date older men, younger women.  Don't be ashamed or feel odd about meeting people who are not close to your age.  Sometimes you can't help who you might have more in common with than others.  If you feel like trying a dating app, here are a few that cater to age gap relationships exclusively.  For those who have a faith you may want to look at eHarmony, ChristianMingle and other similar dating apps. 

1.  EstablishedMen.com - you can flirt for free, filter results and searches, block people, and create a favorite list.

2.  MillionaireMatch.com - you can send winks, share first date ideas, post lots of photos, have a private album, post questions, you can request verification of photo, and do other interesting stuff.

3.  SugarDaddyMeet.com - you can contact members through winks and emails, upload many photos and create a blog homepage.

4.  AgeMatch.com - if you believe in May- December relationships, you will enjoy this one.  Create a detailed profile, send winks, participate in forum discussions, etc.

Keep in mind in order to get full use of the dating sites, there are fees so do visit the site to the latest prices.  Also, check to see if the site has auto renewal membership fees and view terms to see what the process is to cancel service if you find it is no longer useful. 

Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone Younger, Older?

You were okay with the idea of dating someone older or younger until someone said something unflattering, you noticed stares from others, or your partner acted in a way that made you think, "What am I doing?"  You press forward dating the special someone anyway hoping that feelings of doubt, guilt, or worry will just go, but they don't.  You distract yourself from thinking negatively.  You look for the good in your connection.  You try real hard to make things work, but to no avail.  Ready to call it quits?

Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to.  It's new, different and not everyone approves.  People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner.  But it's okay, you will survive the criticism.  If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not.  Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor.  The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.

For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes.  Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age.  So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"

Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad.  Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together?  Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship?  Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative?  Ugh.  Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate. 

Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old.  You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship.  There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman.  If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset.  Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you.  When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.

Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!

Nicholl McGuire

Young Women: The Pretty Boy will Play You Even if He is Older

When will some young and old women learn?  The pretty boy (or once pretty boy) has been well-trained by other attractive individuals on how to benefit from those men and women who aren’t as appealing as he.  The strategy: to use his handsome appearance to get what he wants.  The unattractive targets need not be concerned about your wants just be glad you were able to catch his eye.  Terrible attitude the pretty boy has, but with such good looks why be concerned with attitude? In his eyes, you should be d@mn grateful to even be in the same room with him!  

When you come from a family of beautiful and handsome men and women, most likely those in the group have repeatedly encouraged you and other family members to connect with someone who is just as attractive if not more.  In so many ways, they tell you, "Don't bring any ugly people around here!"  So older might fall under the ugly category if you don't keep your looks up.  So shallow conceited people are, but you don't have to date/sex/marry them!

Let’s face it, stunning men and women don’t come around often, and when they do, oftentimes most not-so appealing people will want to talk, date, or have a fling with them.  This is why some older men don't care if a hottie has 10 boyfriends in addition to him, all some gentlemen care about is how "fine," "sexy" or "young" she is and when can they have sex.  Mature men know it isn't often that a young, attractive person comes their way, so when they do, "What do you like?"  Is one of many charming questions they might ask in attempt to get their needs met too.

If that handsome man, who knows he is fine, shows a little interest in someone who isn’t attractive, the individual receiving the attention thinks that he or she is on top of the world.  Desperation tends to come out with the dare I say it, ugly person to stay in that attractive person’s radar because he or she knows that there are many others they could be with instead of him or her.

Unattractive people with low self-esteem tend to put far more into relationships with pretty boys than most.  They even stick around well past the expiration date.  They know a relationship is unfulfilling, yet they try to make things work, because, "Well, he is so good-looking!"  They know they are gorgeous, have more opportunities, etc., yet they will go the distance with pretty boys if they can stand the pain of cheating, lying, power and control remaining with them.  Pretty boys who don't know they are jaw-dropping handsome tend to pick partners who may not even come close to appealing, but are "nice" or "easy to talk to." 

Of course, there is more than meets the eye in some of these relationships, but when exactly do you know that a pretty boy is merely putting on an act?  You don't unless you pay attention to signs that his mind is everywhere but on you.  He knows that he isn’t that into you, he thinks he might grow to love you, but the reality this might happen is dismal.  

A selfish, pretty boy always has it in the back of his mind, "I can do better.  Why do I bother with this ugly, over weight, unattractive, or crazy woman?"  The reason who puts up with whoever or whatever in the meantime is because he is getting one or many of his most important needs met: house, car, bills paid, clothes bought, travel, gifts, etc.

The pretty boys' women have money, a generous spirit, connections, and good credit while the women who might be equally beautiful don’t have as much.  Anyone with good sense knows you go where the opportunity is.  No matter how sexy someone looks, if he or she can’t keep a roof over his or her head, food in the fridge, and money in his or her pocket, then that person isn't worth anyone's time especially for the pretty boy!  Many pretty boys are also mama's boys and most likely were told to look your best and you will get the best!  Shallow-thinking moms raise shallow-thinking sons.

Pretty boys are use to being cared for and are typically the favorite in the family.  If they have used their handsomeness to get over on family and ahead in life, a less attractive partner will need to be aware that he will use his beautiful eyes, dashing smile, fit build, and charming words to control her too.  He knows that his woman feels insecure, threatened, and might even lose her cool around competition, so if he does have women friends or lovers, he is going to be careful to keep them on the down low.  He doesn’t want to mess up the money, gifts and other things he might be getting from his unattractive woman.

Some older men still think they are pretty boys even when beauty has long faded due to the gaining process and not taking good care of themselves over decades.  They may have received many compliments in their youth, but now that they are older, they simply aren’t nice to view especially for a long period of time or on a daily basis.  This is why their relationships with younger companions don't last over time.  

Older men who think they still got it are often frustrated when they see the truth for what it is.  There are far better looking men who are working hard to take care of themselves.  They are turning heads and find it easy to meet women.  But the unattractive men, who falsely believe they still got it, learn the hard way.  Most women, especially young ones, are really not interested in them unless money, security, power and fame are involved.  

Many selfish women look to the Internet to solve their problems with meeting "the right men."  It is then that the playing starts.  Both the attractive as well as the unattractive older men, who falsely believe they are something that they are not, sometimes operate like gold-diggers hoping to obtain not only sex, but fun times they don’t have to pay for with women--think: the attractive Dine and Dash type.  Meanwhile, these sex starved, desperate women will gladly welcome them not knowing they are being played even before these men’s dating profiles are fully completed.

Best advice: Don't date for looks or for money!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues. 

Is She Really Worth Getting into Trouble?

Some men don't think before they react to a beautiful woman (or possibly young girl) in their presence.  They don't bother to think about the consequences if they should say or do something that could end up putting them in hot water with someone, law enforcement or an angry group.  Not every piece of eye candy is who she says she is.

With so many dating websites and so many liars who create profiles on each, one must be very discerning when it comes to selecting a pretty young companion on or offline.  Most women seeking older men know exactly what they want from them.  They also know what they are willing to give up to get what they want.  However, some will change their minds, pretend as if they don't know what is expected of them, or cry or complain about being taken advantage of.

Being that older men are considered "the mature ones" in a relationship, who should know better, they are expected to conduct themselves accordingly.  Some things to consider before letting one's flesh override good ole' common sense is as follows when it comes to dating younger women.

1.  Think before you speak.  Although this is a simple tip, many men don't exercise caution with their tongues.  If you know you don't really like or care for the young lady, don't tell her so in a mean-spirited way, but you will have to create some distance--stringing her along is a big No, No!  Women can lose their minds if they suspect that they are being played.  If you have no plans on meeting her relatives and friends, then make that plain too, but watch how you say that as well.  This way she is free to make a decision on whether or not she wants to continue to see you.

2.  Never assume she is the age she claims.  Far too many young women know how to dress themselves up like celebrities and do well hiding their age.  Be sure that you not only checked her ID, but got other information about her that proves she is as old as she claims.  Maybe you should meet a friend or two of her's, better safe than sorry later.  Notice how her friends act and what they say, you can tell right away just how old the young person really is. 

3.  Ask about interests whether you care about having a relationship or not with her.  This information is useful, because you want to be sure to have a good time with your companion, but you also want to confirm just how old this young lady really is.

4.  Avoid going anywhere in the public with the young woman until you know for sure all you need to know about who she is, where she is from, how old she is, who she knows, etc.  It's a small world and you don't want to find out one day you are dating a client's daughter, bedding a cousin on your wife's side of the family, or spending money on a love child of yours that you didn't know you had.

Now let's just say you are already in over your head with the young woman.  Maybe you have children with her or possibly married to her already, you will definitely need to have a long talk with yourself and seek some advice from others who have been in a similar situation. 

If you feel uncomfortable being with her for any reason, don't ignore the signs.  Ask yourself, what is it that you, her or the two of you have done that makes you feel like she simply isn't worth all this trouble?  Do you have people whispering negative things in your ear about your mate?  Do you personally feel like this is someone you no longer want in your life?  Are you going through a life change personally or professionally and find it hard trying to balance a relationship too?

Whatever the issue, know that you will need to start making the necessary steps to bring you peace of mind.  Avoid staying in a situation just because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, if the relationship isn't for you, it just isn't.  Move on. 

Think of the many men who should have followed their gut instinct when they had a chance and left an age gap relationship, but didn't.  Some of these men are now deceased, jobless, incarcerated, or lost their wives and children as a result of messing with a crazy, young woman.  Also, consider this, you can drive a young lady crazy when you do the following:  act as if you don't know what you want, are unwilling to work on the relationship and treat her with respect, make promises you can't keep, cheat, or lie to her. 

No woman in her right mind is going to keep taking any form of abuse, know what you want.

Nicholl McGuire

Why He Doesn't Keep Any Young Ladies

Some men change women like they do underwear.  No one ever bothers to think, "What's up with this guy? "  They simply go on whatever he tells them about this young woman and that one.  But the truth is, many of these handsome players have problems!  From erection issues to personality disorders, there are some things seen and unseen that are simply wrong with them.  Sometimes there are those young women who just aren't any good to date because they too have issues, but when one sees a mature man frequently dating, never committing, while often blaming, you have to wonder.

I thought of the middle-aged men in my own family who were often paired up with gullible young women.  These pretty dames were indeed a sight for sore eyes and appeared to have their lives together.  They had good jobs, nice residences, reliable transportation, and some money in the bank.  I would think, "What is it about some of my older relatives these young ladies find attractive?"  Once the newness of their relationships wore off, these aging men were exposed for the cheaters and liars that they were.  I say past tense, because many are now deceased.  But I learned, while they lived, that rather than face their personal demons, they ran from them by running into the arms of young women while they re-created a young looking lifestyle. 

The young women were mere distractions in the lives of these miserable, angry men who knew how to act the good guy role in order to get what they wanted.  When things didn't work emotionally or physically in previous relationships, the old was replaced with the new.  These men, who enjoyed acting prideful and boasting about what little they had, believed that an "upgrade...a pretty new face who didn't talk much...a young woman with a job...someone who liked to have sex alot and go places..." is all they needed and they would be okay.  But they were never okay.  Many contracted sexual diseases and many others had grew weary behind closed doors, so I had heard.  Some had mental issues that were never prayed away or dealt with--deep inside they were very unhappy.  

The typical relationship disagreements would show up and my male relatives would show out.  Some young women were left with two black-eyes while others were scarred with bad names on their minds and hearts.  Those that managed to get away before things got too bad, recalled sad times when their past lovers had little, if anything, meaningful to say to them.  My single, older male relatives realized before their deaths that young, attractive women had their own minds nowadays.  They couldn't be easily controlled.  These young ladies weren't afraid to speak up about what bothered them.  This sort of behavior was a deal breaker for some of these troubled, older men in mid-life, who didn't mind spending a few dollars here and there, while expecting money and gifts in return from their young lovers.  These mature men had very little patience and often became easily irritated when the young women in their lives talked too long, shopped too long, and stuck around too long!

As much as many older men would love to look at everyone and everything as being a thorn in their sides, the reality is that these troubled men who spent their lives chasing tail, so to speak, are really angry at themselves for not doing much more with their lives.

Protect the females in your family who seek father figures, show them that all that is older isn't necessarily better.

Nicholl McGuire

Independent Woman: A Blessing & A Curse

Oh, how could it be that an independent woman could be both a blessing and a curse!?  Well nowadays this is just what she is.  You see, to an older man who grew up during a time when many women depended on a man to be both the breadwinner as well as drive the family from point a to point b, he is use to seeing men be the head in the family.  So he may think that he should take care that his partner is never without money and/or his service.  However, independent women of our present day actually frown on relationships like that.  They wonder what is wrong with a woman who relies on a man to drive her around or requests money from a man.  "She can do those things herself!"  They cry.  Sure, but if the partnership is working, who are we to judge? 

When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man.  However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse.  The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home.  Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too!  Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships!  Too many leaders anywhere can create problems. 

Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it.  There are both young and older men who take notice too!  Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead.  I could use her to help me get where I want to be."  This is where being independent can also be a curse.  A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted. 

Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another.  If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that.  If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.

Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.

There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women.  They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement.  An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women!  He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think.  Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all.  She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!

Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman.  As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks. 

Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work!   Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!"  An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit.  The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?" 

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Remember a young woman and an older man come from two different mindsets, possibly cultures, ethnicities, and the like.  Neither should expect to dance by the beat of each other's drum without giving up something.  The problem is an older man who is set in his ways isn't about to listen to someone younger and possibly inexperienced unless he sees some benefit.  A younger woman most likely had problems listening to her father or some other older male relative growing up, so the last thing she wants is another father figure. 

Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.

In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or naïve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older.  But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant.  Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.

Nicholl McGuire

Too Much Time to Himself - The Older Man May Not Adjust Well to Family Life

There are many young women with young children entering into relationships with independent, childless older men.  It seems on the surface that it is a great connection, because the women don't have to be concerned too much about having more children since they already have one or more.  However, some women do end up having children with these once lonely men who don't always welcome their new life.

Stubborn men are set in their ways.  Players don't want to give up on having multiple partners.  Abusive men don't need the added stress of a woman or babies, yet they go out seeking their next victims anyway.  Workaholic, child-free men find small children and needy women quite annoying and liabilities.  All of these selfish men are in dating pools all over the internet and offline and so when they hear the news, "We are expecting," not all are the least bit happy even if they pretend to be.

Some men have spent far too much time in their youth living as bachelors.  They are not the least bit skilled in caring for children and tending to young women in need of assistance.  They have to work hard to change their mindsets in order to appreciate the value in settling down.  This isn't always easy and sometimes it takes awhile before a young woman can see that her mature mate really isn't interested in the family life.  There are those men who do adjust and go on about their lives with occasional challenges related to relationships and parenting.

It is unfortunate to learn later rather than sooner about an older man not wanting or appreciating his family, but when the writing is on the wall, you might as well read it.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy

The Power of the Engagement Ring

A young woman who doesn't have much experience dating older men will be easily taken for a ride by a conniving older man. If sex is all he wants then he will do what it takes to get it. Nowadays it doesn't take much since so many desperate women are in need of company and cash and will do almost anything to get it! However, what if the older man falls in love with the younger woman, he will want to take the relationship to the next level and a promise of marriage just might do it! Just like young men who are riding on "the break up to make up roller coaster" seeking a way to buy more time, the older man with a plan is no exception! He realizes the older he gets the more challenging it can become to get a younger woman of his dreams. He may have messed up with a younger woman already and knows that he is at risk of losing her forever, that is until he sets his eyes on an engagement ring.

Some men use jewelry like a mother using a pacifier to quiet a baby. "One look at that diamond," he thinks "and she will stick around a little while longer." Maybe she will or maybe she won't. These days there are many women buying their own jewelry without a man, so he will have to bring more than just a ring, watch, bracelet, necklace or a pair of earrings to the relationship. Yet, some older men will still try anyway to keep their younger women by their side with gifts. The engagement ring is the most powerful of them all, because it tells a woman one thing, he is committed -- ready to marry! Some men will try to lessen the weight of its significance by calling it a "promise ring" or saying, "we don't have to rush about getting married..." when he says these kinds of things after giving it to his younger woman then she should immediately think, "He's not serious. He just wants to keep me around." A man who is sold out on a woman whether young, old, rich or poor won't drag anything out -- he will even suggest a date of marriage! A seriously committed man will do everything he can to make himself and his loved one very happy!

Men who are still boys will play games. They will say things they don't really mean. Make excuses as to why they aren't ready for commitment. Make no sacrifices for anyone no matter how much loved ones cry, complain, or moan about him "never being around, more focused on his career, always messing with different women, hanging out with friends" etc. Men who are ready for a real commitment won't debate about things like exs since they are a thing of the past, why pornography offends her, why she feels like she can't trust him, or why she believes that the engagement ring is just another one of his tricks. True men also known as good men don't have these kinds of dramas in their relationships, but boys do!

Well with all this said, hope you will think wisely before getting or receiving an engagement ring.

Nicholl McGuire is the creator of this blog and tweets periodically on http://twitter.com/datingdramas

5 Things About Older Men No Woman Likes

So you got her, but can you keep her?  The younger, intelligent woman is not going to spend the best years of her life committed to a mature man who just can't seem to understand why some things he does or doesn't do are deal breakers.  If you love her, you will do what is right--without the excuse-making, blame game, reverse psychology tactics, and emotional or physical abuse.  No sane woman is going to tolerate the following forever and always!  Sooner or later she is going to take a stand, so rather than listen to her rant, pay attention and make needed changes.

1.  Men who don't keep themselves up ie.) take daily showers, cut hair, etc.

Would you want to smell a nasty body odor from your partner or look at her disheveled hair often?  Of course not.  You would say something to her wouldn't you.  So what makes you think she wants to keep tolerating some things about you that you have obviously let go? 

2.  Men who are users and abusers.

How long will you ask her to give you something, make this, or do that before she becomes visibly upset?  Do as much as you can on your own, without her assistance, and maybe you won't look like you are using and abusing her.  As one woman once shared with me about doing for men, "Iron wears out."  A woman will grow weary of being nice to you when you don't bother to appreciate her and do what she likes sometimes without resistance.  Men have said similar things--it takes two to tango, my friend.  Would you like to be used and abused by her?

3.  Men who lie or exaggerate about things like:  who they know, where they have been, and what happened while there.

If you can't help her, don't hurt her with lies and exaggerations.  Some women are vengeful--they hold alot in before they unleash their wrath--what you thought you got away with five days ago or even five years ago just might come back to haunt you, so tell the truth!

4.  Men who say one thing and do another. ie.) He says he likes to go places, but in reality he is a couch potato.

When you have dated much, there are some things that you should know by now when it comes to women, like not telling your date you love her when you really don't  know what you feel or making yourself out to be someone that you really aren't, like a rich big shot--yeah right.  Meanwhile, the reality is you are in over your head in debt and you hope your date offers to pay sometime.  Be open!

5.  Men who have little room in their lives for a committed relationship.

As much as you would like to date that special someone, the truth is you barely have enough time to clip your toenails.  Seriously, re-think dating a young woman when you know you have little time and patience.  She will desire your attention and affection and if you can't give it to her, there will be someone else (most likely younger than you) that will fulfill that void one day.  Think before you take the leap!

These five tips are just a start on the right track when it comes to dating and keeping a young woman, I'm sure you can think of five more.  So do take the time to better yourself before arguments get out of hand.

Nicholl McGuire 

Money, Sex and Online Dating

If you thought you were going to get online, find someone at one of those dating websites and all would be just fine in the end, think again!  There will be challenges sooner or later when you meet these people who flock to the Internet to set up dating profiles and upload attractive headshots.  For many online daters, it's a business whether they choose to call their dating experiences that.  They are on these dating websites for upfront money and/or sex.  You just aren't going to get something for nothing!  The wealthy man calls the beautiful women he wants to date prostitutes because they want cash, gifts and other things before they agree to have sex.  The women complain about being called gold-diggers.  Then there are both men and women irregardless of their sexual preferences, locations, etc. they have their share of issues they are running away from, desire to relocate, and want more out of life and so someone online is supposed to save them from their boring routines or rescue them out of their poor situations.


Now let's just put money and sex to the side for a moment.  Do you really like that guy and is he really your type?  Is that girl so beautiful that you will do almost anything for her like marry her for starters?  The truth is that many available as well as unavailable men and women are not sold out on their online dates, at least not in the beginning of the courtship, they say things like, "I think I could one day love him...She might be a good wife one day..."  So in the meantime have a good time and get what you can out of the deal, right? 


It takes time to truly get to know someone, but a man or woman with a pressing offline need is not going to waste too much time chatting, winking, texting, and doing much else before asking, "So when are we getting together?"  Then when the time comes, someone better deliver on the goods or else face any number of things depending on the date's mindset.  So many have had bad experiences feeling pressured to deliver on what was suggested online or promised.


There is nothing wrong with establishing boundaries and telling a person where you stand when it comes to a casual dating, serious commitment, or fling experience.  But what is wrong is leading someone to believe things just to get things!  Whatever the desire, wouldn't it be best simply to state it--no sugar-coating and no pretending to go along just to get along either?  Even if your request is met with a "no," take heed, learn from the experience, and get needs met in other ways.


Unfortunately, some online daters ask for trouble when they assume they are going to visit an Internet website and get what they want when they want.  As much as one would like to believe that these dating websites will deliver whether you pay or not, you still have to face the harsh reality that people are people and if they like you, they like you and if they don't, they don't.


Money and sex, if you hope for one or both, be prepared for the consequences in your rush to get these things.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Would you like more dating advice, see here.

Dating Stubborn Men: Personal Experience

They are hard of hearing. You have to tell them repeatedly what you want and even with all the requests, they either still don’t do what you ask, do what they feel like doing, or only do things partly. They are the biggest excuse makers and defenders of their own faults using statements like, “I didn’t know…no one told me…I would have done...but…there wasn’t enough time…You should have told me…I never said that…I never told you that…You are wrong.” Everyone else is always to blame. When they are approached with an error, they look around and say, “Who me?” Who else would it be? Stubborn men should live alone.

I know there are just as many stubborn women too, but if there is any truth to the old adage, "Opposites attract" then what kind of woman is a stubborn man attracting? One who isn’t like him that’s for sure. I have personally dated just about every one of my opposites in my short life including stubborn, unmovable, unshakeable, may I add, angry men. After awhile if you date long enough, they all start acting and sounding the same. “I’m not like your last boyfriend,” they say. Yeah right.

So here’s a list of things that I noticed about these knuckle-headed men. I understand why they are handsome and still single. They were acting stubborn with the last woman, and now here they are available to me.

Children from a previous relationship

You may tell him what the boundaries are with the ex and he may tell you his, but then you notice some behaviors that are obviously inappropriate whether it is how he talks to his children or what he says or does with the ex regarding the children. Either way, if he can’t get it through his thick skull to stop what he is doing, you will have to resort to some serious measures. Whatever you do, don’t do anything that will cost you your freedom or put you on your back in a hospital somewhere.

Now let’s say his stubborn behavior has nothing to do with the children, but how he reacts to your ex. Maybe you don’t want him to be too friendly or, too distant, whatever the case may be, he needs to act in a way that is also in the best interest of the children. Too friendly with the ex, could cause problems for you in the courtroom one day if your man should happen to tell your ex something he shouldn’t know. Acting too distant will also cause a problem, because he will say that he has every right to know who will be around his children. You will need to find out what kind of relationship you both will have with the children’s father or mother that will bring you both peace. This is not the kind of situation where being stubborn is okay, it may cost you your children, so stress that to this man's hard head!

Yours and his children

You tell him that it would be better if he handled the children in certain ways regarding caring for them and providing for their basic needs, and he starts behaving like a teenage girl who was told someone doesn’t like her hair. “This is my way,” he says. “Let me do it…” Meanwhile, the children are spoiled rotten because he still hasn’t let go of the child who is almost two that he still rocks to sleep. The other child who will soon be three who still receives presents like it’s his birthday every day, while the other children just watch.

You give him some tips on how to get something done faster, easier, or with less headache and heart ache and he doesn’t want your advice until he has spent hours on a project that could have been done in 10 minutes. Can we say, stubborn!

Communication

So you decided to sit down and talk with your man friend about the things that bother you in your relationship. He seems willing to listen to your gripes, complaints and praises. So he tells you what is on his mind about you, but rather than his complaints sounding reasonable they are looking more and more like attacks, because he didn’t like what you told him. After years in a relationship, suddenly he is telling you things that you never knew bothered him. You come away from the conversation almost heartbroken because the certain food you cooked, the way you clean the home, care for the children, shop etc. was all wrong. This conversation was not two adults talking; instead you may have said something that rubbed him the wrong way and now he is on attack mode. I learned to ignore the snide remarks, eye rolls and heavy sighs. The things he really has a problem with you will know about it the instant you do it, just look at his face. As for the other things, he lived with it then and didn’t leave you; he can continue to live with them. Chances are if you go back to doing these “sudden complaints” he has, he won’t say one word and that’s how you know he was full of you know what!

Time

Stubborn men think they have all the time in the world. They go about their days taking their time doing everything without regard to deadlines. It’s rare that a stubborn man will show up on time for the things that matter to you. You will try to tell him how important certain things are to you and he will just act as if he is listening while doing what he wants to do which leads me to the next point.

Doesn’t follow instructions

When you provide him with a list, you can almost bet that he will not buy what is on the list. When you ask him to do something around the house, tell him about a certain store, ask him to help you with something, or offer to go to the store with him to shop, he will find excuses so that he is in control at all times. He wants to spend the money his way, he wants to buy what he thinks you want, and he wants to go without having to listen to you and the children and so on. Notice it is always his wants first and maybe he might think about everyone else.

Stubborn men are also selfish men, they appear as if they are men of service, but the reality is they don’t like doing much of anything. But just so that they don’t have to hear your mouth, they will do just enough to appear as if they are so “nice, so kind.” But if you have been around them long enough, they are just stubborn.

They are right, you are wrong

You have made plenty of good points, suggestions, and ideas. You are often right and the stubborn man knows this, so he will look for an opportunity to say, “You are wrong.” You might not have been wrong, but he is getting tired of you being right. You were right about the children, the relationship, the money, and other issues and so he doesn’t want to accept any more responsibility for his own action or inaction that has caused problems for you and him in the relationship, so his quick rebuttal to everything is, “You are wrong.” The truth of the matter is he was wrong for getting involved with someone thinking that he never had to compromise even a little bit of his stubborn ways.

Selfish

Earlier, I mentioned that stubborn men are selfish. Let me further explain. Stubborn men and selfish men are birds of a feather they flock together. Stubborn men stick to their ideas, beliefs, principals, etc. no matter how bizarre, ridiculous, simple, foolish, or harmful. Here is an example of a stubborn man doing something that will cost him his relationship and material possessions. His former wife tells him that he is behaving in ways that is causing her to think that he is cheating on her. He tells her that he isn’t cheating. But he continues not to be available sexually, emotionally, and oftentimes disappears without telling her where he is going, when he will be back, or even offer to take her along for the ride. His idea of a good time when he isn’t out running the street is seated in front of the television barely touching any of the food she has prepared in the refrigerator. He doesn’t show her any affection except on those few occasions they have had sex. She tells him how his behavior is causing her to think about divorce and dating again. Rather than, acknowledging the damage by his actions and inactions that have contributed to her feelings of insecurity, lack of love, and appreciation, he continues to do these things anyway. This is a stubborn man who is also acting very selfish. Even more bizarre, this stubborn man will confide in his friends and tell them she is to blame. Meanwhile, the friends don’t know the truth; therefore, they will side with him and give him the kind of advice that would be shared with a man who wasn’t stubborn and he will try to implement something that he doesn’t understand nor does he know what to do with, because he can’t see his true self. He is the problem. But if he assess the situation from the outside looking in honestly, he will try to make a difference. As for the selfish man, he may act just like the stubborn man, but the problem with him is he isn’t going to even try to look at what he could be doing to cause the demise of the relationship. Either way, both men need to find whatever they need whether counselor, book, teacher, or foe to help them learn from their negative behavior.

By Nicholl McGuire