Stay or Breakup - When the Younger or Older Date May Not Want a Relationship Anymore

Age gap dating.  You thought you could stick it out, but he is just too old or she is just too young.  You didn't think much about this before, but now there are things he or she is saying or doing that make you think twice about continuing an age gap relationship.  Chances are your well-meaning relatives warn you of times like these, but you said, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Sure.

To stay or break up?  You probably thought about the following:

1)  If I stay I could remain in what could be a potentially great relationship when I'm older.

2)  If I stay my partner might change into the man or woman of my dreams.

3)  If I stay, he or she might be a great dad or mom to my future offspring.

4)  If I stay, I might be well taken care of and continue to feel safe for a long time with him or her.

5)  If I stay, we might acquire much in our lifetimes and I won't have to worry so much. 

But if I break up...

1)  I will be free to date other men or women closer to my age.

2)  I won't have to be concerned about having children one day.

3)  I won't wrestle so much with feelings related to the age gap any longer.

4)  I won't have to take care of him in the future since it appears his health is declining. 

I won't have to worry that she will run off and be with someone more healthier and fit.

5)  I won't have to keep up with his requests and demands because he assumes I'm younger so I can handle them.

I won't have to keep up with this young woman's requests and demands, because I am too old for this---been there, done that!

These thoughts are just some of many that might go through a woman or man's mind who is contemplating on staying or breaking up.  If an older partner doesn't know or refuses to talk about the issues, the break up is inevitable.  If the younger woman has a nonchalant attitude about these issues when discussed, the mature gentleman will want to break up with her sooner rather than later.  

One will need to look at what is driving the negative thoughts.  Did he or she view media that made him or her think about these things?  Did someone talk to a partner and raise doubts?  Has future plans changed that doesn't include a partner?  Have there been so many disagreements lately that may be causing discord?  Do both people feel like there are not enough things they have in common with one another to sustain the relationship?

Whatever the issues, there is nothing wrong with looking inwardly at what you really want from the relationship.  In any relationship, whether age gap or not, people change.  Some couples grow weary of one another because there was never any solid foundation between the pair from the start.  The older gentleman or younger woman could have been a rebound from a past relationship that left he or she heartbroken.  Therefore, the new partner was a nice distraction from the past pain, but didn't do much more than that emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.  

The age gap pair could have developed a trauma bound because they had more negative in common than positive when they shared experiences.  They may have been great friends that thought having a sexual relationship would be a good idea only to find out they should have remained platonic friends. 

Decide what it is that you truly want out of your life, before discussing whether you want to stay or break up with a partner.  Ask yourself the following:

1)  Have I begun to work on or accomplish my dreams since being with this person?

2)  Is this person a great support in helping me reach my life goals or does he or she look for ways to talk me out of doing things I thoroughly enjoy?  (If you don't have any goals start writing them.)

3)  By next Valentine's Day, what did we accomplish together that bettered our relationship?

4)  When this person comes around me or when they call me, do I feel content to hear his or her voice or does this person simply annoy me and I can't wait to get away from her or him?

5)  Can I honestly say that I love this person not just what they do for me or the kind words they say to me?

6)  Do I feel proud being out in public with this person or do I look for ways to avoid inviting this person to go out with me? 

7)  Can I see myself with this person 5, 10, or even 15 plus years from now?  Why or why not?

If you answered most of these questions with negative responses and you really have no desire to do anything different, it is safe to say that maybe this person isn't right for you regardless of his or her age.  

Whenever positives outweigh the negatives in any relationship and there is no way of resolving them, this is when the hard decisions will need to be made.  Two people must be willing to work together on the issues rather than frequently arguing about them. 

Think about this, if you honestly believe your relationship is a dead-end headed nowhere, why continue to be unavailable to that one person (somewhere in this world) who really wants to be with you while being available to that one person who doesn't complete you and appears to care less about you?

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.

Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them

The smitten older man does what he can to draw the young lady into his arms and then when things get a bit stale, holidays show up, or requests are made to spend more time together, he grows cold toward his partner.  The young woman thinks the older man is something special until relationship challenges show up.  These people who fall out of love (lust) quickly, charm and then grow distant are difficult to be in relationships with--they will not remain committed for long.  The holidays can motivate some couples to behave this way especially if they have a long history of breaking hearts or being heartbroken.

What is it about those who love others then leave them?  Do they really want committed relationships?  Sometimes they do, but they don't want to take a look at their personal pain, heal from it, and move on to a quality relationship.  For some, they are simply too tired, lazy, self-absorbed, or emotionally wounded to bother.  They don't examine the influences around them growing up, they don't address the trauma they have gone through, and they often believe themselves to be right even when they are wrong in the way that they treat people.

Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad.  Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back.  Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them.  In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.

Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships.  They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live.  If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger.  Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.

Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act.  However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever.  You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:

1)  You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2)  You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3)  He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4)  Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5)  You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you.  The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time.  Could you do that without me?"
7)  Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

Rehab - Rihanna lyrics - When They Say It's Over, Move On

Bobby Vee - Come Back When You Grow Up Girl

Sometimes it can be hard to say, "Sorry, you are just too young for me..."  send a message to the young woman whose mind is simply too immature for you.

Breaking Up with a Young Woman Will Reveal Just How Mature She Really Is

Rejection is hard for anyone to accept especially when it comes to relationships.  When someone sits before you and explains why he or she no longer wants to be with you, it can wreck havoc on your emotions at least for awhile.  For an older man who comes to the realization that a young woman is not what he wants in his life right now (although days, weeks, months or even years before he would have fought to keep her), breaking up can be a challenging experience that just might reveal some information one just might not want to hear.

A young woman most likely has gone through some negative experiences trying to stay in a relationship with an older man that she has yet to voice.  The idea that she might have wasted time with someone half her age or older only for the man to one day reject her just might cause her to throw out a myriad of expletives, insults and blows.

The young woman might have experienced middle-aged women's stares and thought, "I love him, who cares?"  She may have dealt with the negative attitudes from the older man's relatives and friends and said to herself, "I don't have to deal with any of them."  There were also those unsightly and smelly experiences that came with her older man's aging process and she told herself, "So what, one day I will get old too."  But then one day, the man who once gave her security and attention tells her that he doesn't want to be with her anymore, "The nerve of him...the crap I had to put up with just to be with his ugly, old...," she thinks.  You get the point.

The truth starts coming out of a sharp tongue, "So you want to be with an old b*tch, don't you?  Menopause, saggy breasts, dry and loose you know what...you think she is better than me!  You fat, balding guy...go right ahead date your gray-haired prune!"  This is the day that no middle-aged guy, who thinks he isn't so bad looking, wants to experience, she goes on, "You know you can't stay hard and I hate it...and by the way did you really think I would have kids with an old guy?"

A man who experiences a barrage of insults and anger from a young lady who he thought at one time was so mature might be baffled, too hurt to respond, or is nonchalant about her reactions to the break up.  But whatever the response, the young woman's true age shows up and shows out.  The idea that a mature man ever thought that the young lady might have been The One goes out the window. 

An older man who isn't convinced that being with a young woman is what he wants, would be best to talk to her in a public area, text, email, or converse over the phone.  Make it plain that you very much want to move on with your life and will no longer be accepting any phone calls or emails from her.  Then give yourself a needed break and when you are ready, seek a mature woman who can relate to you.

Nicholl McGuire

Heart Broken? Get Over Him Faster... By Acting Like Him! "Screwing the R...

Why looks don't matter?
 

On Breaking Up with Younger or Older Partner - You Can't Get Away that Easy or Can You?

When you had your problems and your date had his or her's, you were there.  When loneliness was getting the best of you, that's when your lover came along.  When life was such a bore, your new friend brought excitement.  In the beginning, it was nice.  He grew to love you, treated you so sweetly.  She was beautiful, charming, and gave you butterflies like in a teenage romance.  But now?

It can be difficult to break up with someone who might still have a way of luring you back into his or her life even when you know he or she is no good for you.  Your partner may have been a true friend when no one seemed to care.  However, sometimes things go stale in relationships, because people change.  From childbirth to unresolved issues of the past, change can make or break relationships.  One must know when he or she can't stomach change anymore.  You will know when you just can't go on in a relationship if any of the following has started or you believe will begin:

1.  Feeling the need to cover up stories with lies.  Sometimes having no feelings of remorse.
2.  Frequent thoughts of wishing ill on this person.
3.  Unable to forgive and forget every time he or she says or does something that offends.
4.  An increase of disputes followed by thoughts of breaking up that don't seem to go away.
5.  Your body often aches around this person from headaches to backaches.
6.  You don't enjoy touching, smelling, or looking at this person like you once did.
7.  You find that you have very little in common with him or her.

If most or even all of these signs apply to your current relationship, cut your losses early!  Make plans to distance yourself from this individual.  Cut this person off sexually and emotionally.  Get belongings and stay away from him or her.  If you force yourself to stay when you really don't want to, eventually you will mistreat this person and it just might lead to physical violence. 

Nicholl McGuire

How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend

When the Relationship is Coming to an End: Things the Young Woman Might Do

Some young women just can't handle rejection from older men especially those who have been taken care of by a Sugar Daddy type.  Like men, they too will do things to try to save their pride particularly if they aren't ready for a break up.   Getting a partner's attention is one of the most popular things an immature, young woman will do even after the older gentleman has said, "It's over!"

Dress provocatively.

She attempts to win him back in her arms by making herself even more appealing and sexy.  She thinks that if she can get him back in the bed, he will change his mind about her and the relationship.  It may sound silly, even strange, that she would put herself out like that, but this is what some young women will do.

Change her appearance.

Now for some women, rather than use her sex appeal to charm her former partner back into her arms again, she will do some things like change her hairstyle, color, or other things that either send a bold statement or a subtle one like, "See, what you are missing!  I will be fine without you.  I am focused on me.  I am a new and improved me, thanks to you!"

Cry.

The tears flow every time you come around or call her.  She is pulling on your heart strings.  She wants "things to get better...I still love you...I really want this to work..."

Laugh.

She may use a happy countenance as a lure to get her older partner to pay her attention.  She figures that if she is jovial and fun to be around he won't mind being in her presence and will forget about breaking up with her.

Buy gifts.

Gift-giving works for the man who doesn't have much, but for the established man, not so much.  Yet, the young woman will try to win his affections by buying her man something she thinks he will really like in the hopes of getting back in his good graces!

Here are other things she might do to halt a breakup:

Pop over his house unannounced.

Do outlandish things like send a naked photo of herself or show up naked.

Act insecure and jealous especially when he mentions talking to other women whether they are family or not.

Pick fights.

Dress half-naked or wear very tight clothes around his friends while making conversation possibly exchanging phone numbers.

Threaten to expose her lover's secrets or share details of their relationship with others.

Yell/scream, in other words, make a scene in a public place.

Do drugs or drink heavily before meeting her former lover.

Talk about committing suicide.

Use pregnancy as a good reason for the two of them to work things out.  She may be pregnant, she may not be.  Go to doctor's visits with her to be sure--don't take a sonogram photo as proof alone and get a DNA test as soon as possible.

When a woman uses many of these tactics to keep a man, you have to wonder how stable is her mindset during a tough time.  Some women just are too fragile mentally to deal with breaking up, but staying with them knowing full well you no longer like, trust, or want to be around them is not good either.  Unfortunately, verbal and physical abuse will fester and may even become so bad that one might lose his or her freedom!  When the writing is on the wall that your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend is acting out of her mind, be sure to use the full extent of the law to keep you safe and anyone else you might be dating in the future.

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

 

It's Just Not Working Out, Now What?

So you tried dating older, younger, close to your own age, and every number in between but this dating stuff is wearing you out, besides you are with someone right now that you aren't completely sold on.  When you feel this way, time to fall back. 

It takes time, money and energy to date as you very well know.  But sometimes other demands in life get the best of us and then those issues start trickling over into our dating experiences.  Other times we simply don't want to be bothered with dating, but we will go ahead with a romance just because we don't want to hurt someone's feelings.  However, sooner rather than later, a date may pick up on our lack of interest and jump ship or stick around and begin to annoy us until we make a move.  It is better to cut one's losses early then to string people along especially those who are younger or older.

A man who is in his midlife years is typically looking for someone who is going to keep him company and stick around for awhile.  He realizes the importance of life and values his years hoping to finally find happiness in his personal life.  The mature man may not be interested in marriage, but desire all the things that being in a committed relationship may bring.  But, this is a selfish motive especially if he chooses to continue to date a younger woman who hopes to get married and have children one day.  She will be hurt, confused, and possibly scarred for the rest of her life, if the older man doesn't do what's right and share how he truly feels and why a long term relationship with him just isn't going to work.

As for the younger woman, she most likely feels like she has a lot of years ahead to find her true love so she may not settle with the older man, but then again there is always that possibility that she will stick around if he treats her well.  She may fight feelings of wanting to let him go, but she may put on act in the meantime until she is sure.  Now if a younger woman chooses to date an older man for reasons other than the typical companionship, sex, new experience, security, etc. then there may be something more going on with her than meets the eye.  It isn't any wonder that someone dating her doesn't know what to think of the relationship.  There is always someone who breaks the mold.

Both younger and older dates, like any other date, have their reasons why they think a romance is a bust, not worth pursuing right now, or okay but without or with the sex depending on the agreement between the couple.  But whatever you think you want or don't want from your date, be clear about it.  For example, "I am no longer interested in a romantic relationship...I think it is best we part ways because I can't give you what you want...I realize we are not a match...I prefer to focus on XYZ and have no desire to date anymore." 

Avoid the temptation to pretend like things are okay when they are not.  People who fake like there is a future with someone will be found out and when that happens don't be surprised if Crazy shows up and shows out especially if you say things like, "I love you...I want to keep having sex...Live with me...Don't leave me...Give me sometime to think about things."  Crazy will yell, "So all this time you have been leading me on?  You never really wanted me, you just wanted to use me!  You don't love me, you love my...I outta call your wife!  Better yet, tell everyone you know what I think of you!"  Uh oh.

So when you are ready to stop dating someone:

1.  Do it gradually.  Less phone calls, dates, and avoid taking this person around your family and friends.

2.  Be sure you are no longer leaving things over this person's home.

3.  Don't tell his or her relatives, friends or co-workers how you truly feel.

4.  Contact someone if you feel like your date will act violently toward you.  Record your conversation, meet in a public area, or have a police escort come with you to the residence.

5.  If the person begins to stalk you, leave a photo with the security personnel at your workplace and tell them you wish not to be contacted by this person.  Alert your family and friends you are no longer seeing this person.  If need be, get a Protection From Abuse form from your local police department and also take one out in the community where your date resides.

6.  Keep track of dates and times your date as showed up unannounced at your job, home, and also contacted you by voicemail, email, snail mail, text, online chat, etc.

Be wise and try to maintain your cool as much as possible when ending a relationship.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains this dating blog as well, click here.

What to Do When You Want to Break Up with an Older Man | BeyondJane

What to Do When You Want to Break Up with an Older Man | BeyondJane

Young Woman: What to Do When Breaking up with Older Man

You want to an end a relationship with an older man without making him feel that it’s his age that is an issue. You don’t want to have to hear, “I told you so!” from family and friends, but they told you so. Now you want to get out of this relationship that you feel is going nowhere so how do you do it?


First, take the time to plan what you are going to say. Be sure you are speaking from the heart. Meaning that everything you feel, you say. In this way it’s a clean break without any question; rather than coming back repeatedly to your ex with statements you forgot to say the first time.

Next, don’t say anything to your older man about breaking up until you are certain that is what you want to do. If you are still indecisive about being with him, you don’t want to say something before you are ready otherwise you will appear as if you are playing games.

He may already think you are too young for him and at times immature, but don’t confirm his thoughts by talking in circles when you are ready to make that clean break. Be direct, straightforward when you speak to him. Tell your older man friend that you can’t see a future with him and that is the reason why you must end it now. If you choose to get into details, don’t tell him things like, “Well I was thinking about what my mother said…” Even if your parents influenced your decision don’t tell him so. Grown women who make life decisions don’t make them based solely on what people say, they evaluate the situation, they test it, and they see how it works for them. Then they either embrace the challenge or dismiss it.

Now he may be critical of you and say mean things. Expect him to behave like a child because you were his prize trophy. He may even tell you, “I can find another one like you.” If so, he will be another woman’s problem, but be grateful that you are free.

You will most likely feel like you made a mistake especially if he supplied you with cash. He may even use it to keep you under his control. Tell him you don’t need it, even if you do. When making a clean break, leave the cash behind too. Otherwise, you will only make it harder to rid yourself of him and if you should date someone new they won’t like the idea that another man is taking care of you and he won’t like the idea that you are taking his money and buying another man gifts.

Lastly, don’t get his family involved in your break up. Let him tell them whatever he is going to tell him about the break up. If you must share any information with them, do it when you are over him. The last thing you want to do is appear like you are a sniffling little child who is lost without their beloved.

There are older men who will attempt to make you feel small for breaking up with them because their ego is wounded especially if he is one of those who are having a mid-life crisis. In their minds they are thinking, “Who does this stupid, young girl think she is?” You see, some older men pride themselves on being one step ahead in relationships and business and if they feel like they are being undermined, deceived or rejected, they will have temper tantrums just like children. You aren’t a child, so don’t act like one even if he does accuse you of handling matters like one. What else is he going to say? You are breaking up with him and if he carries on in the way that was described, be glad you are so over him!

By Nicholl McGuire