You Can't Help Who You Fall in Love With...

You might not be able to help who you fall in love with, but you can exercise self-control through the process. Too many people claim to be in love, but are they really?  It looks more like falling head over heals in lust with others before they truly experience real love. 

You know that your "love" for someone isn't real when you are easily offended over the things they say or do no matter how harmless and you find it hard to forgive.  You know that you aren't in love when you are more concerned about one's appearance and less focused on how they respond to you.  You know that you are still getting over your past when you find that your emotions are not aligning with the person you are currently with no matter how much you convince yourself you love him or her.

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Love is active, peaceful, freeing, hopeful, caring, and considerate.  But what love isn't is unkind, rude, arrogant, and selfish.  You may love someone and he or she might be significantly older or younger.  Check whether you sincerely believe that what you are feeling for this person is indeed love.  Here's how...

1) When your partner is around, your thoughts are not often negative, but positive--you aim to please!

2)  You think twice about talking rudely to your partner like saying mean things about him or her whether in-person or behind his or her back.

3)  You often think of a future with your fellow or gal and you just can't see yourself living without him or her.

4)  You are determined to make your relationship work no matter how difficult it gets.  However, you have far more positive days then negative ones.

5) Any form of abuse is absent from your relationship.  You wouldn't even think of insulting or assaulting your loved one.

6)  You don't hesitate to help that special someone when called upon or even when there is no request.  You are conscience of your partner's needs. "Thoughtful and considerate..." are words that your partner uses to describe you.

7)  You don't mind proclaiming to the world that this person is your mate.  You will defend him or her no matter what!

Whether black, brown, yellow or white, you just don't care about what others think.  You love your friend and that is all that matters!

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Your In Love, He's In Love, So What Seems to be the Problem?

You might have been one of the blessed ones who found someone who honestly cares about you. Age has no bearing on your relationship. He is comfortable in his skin and so are you. Yet, something bothers you about the relationship, but you can't seem to put your finger on it. Know that your odd feelings are natural and will not go away until you are completely fulfilled in the relationship.

Material wealth, conversation, and sex sometimes isn't enough to feel at peace in a realtionship with anyone, much less an older man or younger woman. The human spirit is always in need of something more, especially if you have no spiritual foundation.

Sometimes couples in love (or in lust) must allow for some distance from one another to sort out their emotions. We must be sure that the relationship we so desire is in fact meant to be. It doesn't matter how financially secure your older partner may be or how much nicer he is than your past lovers, you have to know that you know that you want to be with your partner forever! This same concept applies to the mature man dating a younger woman. She looks good, feels good, and acts mature for her age, but she has to complete you! Like you, she has feelings and with each passing year, she is steadily growing into an older woman who has goals, the last thing she needs is a broken heart so young.

We all must be mindful of people's feelings as well as our own in any relationship. When we are not, someone most likely will get hurt. Too many "settled" people are also selfish people. They expect others to revolve around their worlds and not the other way around. Too many young people are too carefree, to the point, that they don't see beyond the material. When no one wants to share their lifestyle or has a myopic view on how to relate to one another, there will be an unsettled feeling somewhere deep within one's heart. And because of that feeling, one will not marry, will not trust, will not give up his or her space, and will question the future. Until you know that you know, take one day at a time before committing.

Nicholl McGuire