Sunday

When an Older Partner is Not as Nice-Looking as He Once Was - Stay Positive

Age gap dating, the challenge of getting older (sigh).  For the younger woman, his lines, age marks, wrinkles, and gray hair came way too fast since their first encounter. 

The day you, who are much younger, realized your guy was old, maybe a lot older than you, he may have been shocking to view without his beauty aides, but you kept quiet.  "Where did time go?  What or who had I been looking at all this time?" you might have thought.  He could have thought the same about you too (but I digress).

When dating someone older or married to a person decades older, it is very easy to see what you like about him or her when they are still relatively attractive.  However, time isn't always kind to everyone especially when we age and now what was once appealing isn't.  If your relationship was built on looks, well you might want to start looking for other things you like about that individual other than superficial things as soon as possible.  It is only a matter of time that your older partner will notice that you just aren't that into him like you once were.

Appreciate his great personality.  This doesn't seem to go anywhere when one is still full of energy despite his looks.  Some older people, no matter what the life challenges may be, still manage to thrive.  There is still hope for a relationship when the person works to maintain that shimmering personality.  So close your eyes and embrace all that positive energy he offers!

Share a zest for life.  People who enjoy life, seek all sorts of ways to stay engaged and active.  Check to see that your gentleman is doing just that.  However, if one is turning into a miserable, older person, who doesn't see anything good from one day to the next, this will not only steal what little youthful look he might still have, but cause you to often dream of running away.  Therefore, encourage him to regain his youth, not by living vicariously through you, but enjoying all that life has to offer for himself.

Learn a thing or two about his finances.  He works hard and knows how to manage his money or so you hope.  He has plans and you just might be a part of those plans in the future--good for you both!  Yes, as much as we don't want to look at how much money one makes, it's going to be a challenge when the individual is no longer providing a lavish lifestyle for himself and no one else.  You can be a beacon of light by offering suggestions on saving money rather than spending up his money every chance you get (maybe your not like this, but just in case you have been).  He may not be that attractive anymore, but he knows that his money might still be.  He need not be irresponsible with it to keep you, capice?

Take interest in his hobbies.  Anyone who enjoys doing something other than a partner, well that is awesome!  So this guy has a hobby that is interesting and you could even be a part of helping with his hobby.  If it is reasonable and more, well it doesn't hurt to take interest and ask questions.  He just might be impressed.

Work out.  So things go downhill on the outside, but they don't have to on the inside!  You just might find the mature guy a bit more attractive when you see that body moving weight around or running on the treadmill rather than remaining sedentary for hours.  He might even say, "Not only am I doing this for me, but for you, Babe!"  How sweet!  The gentleman might find you even more attractive because he sees that you care about your body too! 

So you see, there is more than meets the eye!  You can have a great relationship with a guy who unfortunately is having his share of challenges in the looks department.  But when he has all these other wonderful attributes, who cares about looks?

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.  Check online wherever books are sold.

Tuesday

Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger

There are life lessons to be learned the hard way when it comes to dating older and younger.  Some things you simply don't learn by someone cautioning you, you end up discovering why they warned you in the first place much later in life.  You most likely heard the following:

"She is just too young for you.  What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?"  Life lesson:  She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.

"He is too old for you.  Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?"  Life lesson:  He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child.  He doesn't care much what the child does.

"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?"  Life lesson:  She is so immature.  What was I thinking?

"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!"  Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.

Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance.  There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.

So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time.  He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older.  She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger.  What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.

The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship.  He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it.  He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did.  The younger woman is not going to always be na├»ve, bubbly, and patient.  She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances.  Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you?  Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"

No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do!  You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age.  He is so mature for his...not like those other guys."  Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship.  You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives.  You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated.  You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks.  A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers.  There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts.  An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.

You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom.  Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met.  The excuses get old.  Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines.  If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again?  If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth?  Why are you in a relationship again?

Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together.  This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in.  It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.

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