The Effects of Being with a Nasty Charmer - Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by N. McGuire

You may have experienced or witnessed the damaging effects of these "I am so fresh, good, sexy, perfect..." types and at times hated being around them but as a result of being abused by these males your personality might have changed and not necessarily for the better. Therefore, some relatives and friends may not find you as "nice" or "kind" since connecting with an abusive lover or partner. 

After one gets to know these closet abusers, they do not bring out your best emotions which makes it difficult to continue be the nice person you once were prior to getting your heart broken in a million pieces by them. If anything you find yourself, doubting most of what comes out of their nasty mouths (some of them are nice looking, but their teeth are terrible!) You can't ever believe what these charmers tell you, because you have busted them telling so many lies and now you have problems trusting others. While staying connected with these abusers, you might find yourself also short-tempered, impatient, blaming, often ready to fight, have a negative attitude, controlling, easily jealous, critical, prideful, etc. You may have had your share of disputes with these selfish men or said nothing out of fear, yet took your anger out on others. In Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin, a self-proclaimed narcissist, the author describes the egoist, "He is able to provoke in his milieu, in his casual acquaintances, even in his psychotherapist, the strongest, most avid and furious hatred and revulsion. To his shock, indignation and consternation, he invariably induces in others unbridled aggression." 

As you will read in this book, many public charming men are secretly mean-spirited, often angry and at times demonic wanting very much to kill their victims especially when no one is watching. Keep hanging out with them and you will find your demeanor getting worse instead of better--they will drive you mad! Imagine one day you lose it, go off the deep end, while the man you thought you knew sits back and behaves as if he never drove you insane. Witnesses show up and ask, "Why is that woman so mad at you?" the cruel gentleman responds ever so politely, "My God, I don't know why?" So you attempt to explain your case, but no one believes you. "He tried to kill me. He told lies about me. He said he wasn't married...He said he was getting a divorce. He claimed he didn't have any children. He used the children to hurt me. He pretended that he had lots of money and was going to help me, but never did. He rarely touched me, barely looked at me, when I tried to talk to him, he often ignored me..." The observers just shake their heads in disbelief. "No, he wouldn't act like that. He's my son, my brother, my uncle, my favorite cousin...Oh yes, the woman has gone mad. I pray that God will heal her."

With a wink, crooked smile, and a few mumbled curse words and before long the nice guy turns into the big, bad guy all-too-ready to beat his partner with his fists or whatever objects are within his reach if she was to do or say something he doesn't like again. If he is the emotionally abusive type, he will use his intimidating stare, silence, passive aggressive tactics, and other manipulations--of course when no is looking. Relatives, friends, and co-workers don't spend 24/7 with the socially sweet, privately cruel man and even if they did, would he reveal his dark side with them and would they be discerning enough to pick up on the signs?

You might have watched the evil rise through eyes of someone you thought you knew well. Almost instantly, you probably found yourself in fight or flight mode. "I think I better get out of here. I don't think I want to keep talking to him. Something is wrong with that guy," you told yourself. If this kind of behavior happens often enough, when in the presence of an unstable man, you become a nervous wreck. In time, you will want to do almost anything to calm this person when you see he is getting irritated. Notice the Holy Scriptures that warns men and women of double-minded people: James 1:7-8, 2 Peter 2:14, and Psalm 119:113.

You might start warning others, "Please, don't get that crazy man started. Don't say those things, you really don't know him. Make my life easier and try not to do or say..." However, others are not like you: afraid, worried, or nervous and aren't the least bit interested in following your rule book on, "How to Keep My Man Happy." Instead they have no problem challenging your troubled man. What they don't realize you will reap what they have sown. Cowardly men take out their rage on their women and children. The King James Bible warns, "Make no friendship with an angry man; and with a furious man thou shalt not go..." (Proverbs 22:24) this includes beloved church leadership, spouses, relatives, and others! When family and friends put up a fuss about not wanting their relatives to go with mean people especially after a dispute, it is because they care and they don't want anything bad to happen to their kin.

If you are with a man who really isn't as nice as he looks to others, you know the truth and you might as well avoid the temptation to self-deceive. Charmers don't dare take on people who are brash, bold and truthful about them--they know better. I heard a woman once tell her family who was ready to hurt her boyfriend, "Please don't make it hard for me." This is usually one reason why many abusive men still have breath in their bodies, because of their pleading wives or girlfriends who don't want the family's involvement in their abusive relationships.

When I was in a similar situation, I really didn't care what my relatives did to the abuser between breakups, because I knew I didn't want to be with him (at least temporarily). But when I wasn't ready to let him go, I was very secretive and defensive about "our business," (which was fighting often). I told lies to family members and learned to cover up my true feelings about him when we were alone out of fear that he would hurt me. I really wanted to have a normal relationship, but the reality was it was far from that. Research shows victims in abusive relationships will go back to their abusers at least seven times before finally breaking it off with them. Most family members are just not patient.

So what happened to that nice guy you thought you knew? Let us take a deeper look at these socially sweet men who are privately cruel. As you discover more about them, prepare yourself for the next ones who come your way from meeting you in church to sitting next to you at work, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire will help.  Purchase your copy today!

On Loving Those Who Have Been Abused

Young and So Dumb - What Some Selfish, Older Men Really Think of Women

Some mature men just don't think highly of women their own age much less young ladies.  They can be hateful, angry, and rude toward women.  As far as they are concerned they are good for periodic sex, a hot meal, money, and not much else.  A 30 plus year old man who claims that he wants to settle down with a young woman who is 18 is definitely something to think twice about. She doesn't have much material wealth especially if she is still living with parents.  Her life experience can't be compared to a man who is 10, 15 or even 20 plus years older than she.  She is still learning and growing when it comes to life issues.  The older man may have a daughter or son not that much younger who might still need to be parented.  It is safe to say that the older man is most likely going through a personal crisis and what a nice distraction from his personal problems when he meets a bubbly, sweet young lady.

Of course, the mature man will attempt to persuade the young lady that he isn't having any midlife issues and that he knows what he wants.  But the truth is, if you take a look at the gentleman's relationship history, how many other women did he claim to love, want, need, like?  Notice what he says about the relationship endings and whether he is mainly blaming his exes and in-laws. 

Some older men just love the idea of being with new sexual partners more so than settling down with them--no matter the age.  But if a single or unavailable man wants to put his potential young lover at ease, he is going to say the kinds of things that will make her feel secure and safe with him.

"You are so pretty.  I love that scent you are wearing.  Would you like for me to buy you some more?  I'm not the kind of guy who plays games, I know what I want, so will you give it to me?  What would you think of being my wife one day?" The man who says these things obviously wants the young woman to feel special and consider keeping him around even though he isn't considering anything long-term or serious and may have told her so.  The mature man is well aware that there are younger men who would very much like to date the young apple of his eye; therefore, he has to say whatever he can to keep her interested in him. 

Some men laugh with the guys about the things they have said and done to win the trust of their young lovers.  They enjoy the "dumb" act that some women play, but what they don't know is that there are those who are sincerely acting.  When the time is right, those women will reveal their true selves and most likely the men won't like them so much.  Then there are those young ladies who really are unintelligent and immature and so a lot of older men don't mind making them notches on their belts and then moving on.  Sad, but true.  These manipulative men will photograph or video record some of these young, obedient women and collect their images like hunters hanging up the heads of their prey on walls.  With social media, online and offline albums, you never know just how many women have fallen prey to an older man's fantasies.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Her Immaturity Wearing Off on You?

You didn't anticipate that the young woman's youthful spirit, energetic demeanor, and other interesting things about her would rub off on you.  But there are those immature sayings, silly expressions, and other annoying things that just don't compliment her well.  In addition, you catch yourself acting like her.

When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc.  Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

Preying Older Men Praying to Get Young Women to Use for Money

There are older men who legitimately want a relationship with young women, yet there are others who are looking to pimp them.  These men are not to be trusted.  No matter what they promise, what assets they claim they have, or how much they compliment these young women, their only plan is to make money with them and lots of it.


On this site, we don't encourage or endorse the kind of behavior that is immoral and illegal.  We simply provide practical tips to an audience who desires companionship whether long or short-term.  We know that young women are going to want to date older men and vice versa, so why not talk about it?  But this business of baiting young women to ultimately use them as sex slaves is wrong!  For some preying older men, they would retort, "Says who?"  Says the parents, law enforcement, organizations, and others who don't want you involved with their daughters for financial gain that's who!


Please be advised young women to think twice before agreeing to meet/sleep with/entertain a preying older man who does the following:


1.  Approaches you in an atmosphere that predominately attracts youth.


2.  Often chats with you on a social media page or dating website about sexual things and pressures you to meet him in person often.


3.  Lies or covers up about things like:  marital status, age, where he lives, works, etc.  Always perform a background check.


4.  Vaguely explains or can't explain markings on his body especially private parts.


5.  Takes particular interest in an older relative or friend of yours while attempting to get close to you.


6.  Frequents places that you know are shady or dangerous.


7.  Claims to be a Christian or have some other faith, but his behavior contradicts the word of God.


8.  Rushes to give you all his contact information and arranges to have sex with you especially during the first meeting.


9.  Promises he will help you with your personal issues, but not without expecting something in return.


10.  Cyber-stalks you, drops by your residence, befriends people you know, and makes you feel uncomfortable when talking to you (i.e. stares wildly, looks at your body parts but rarely makes eye contact, hypersexual behaviors such as frequently touching you, talks a lot about what he wants you to do for him...)

Preying older men never have just one young lady they are conversing with.  They usually have others they have either had sex with or plan to have sex with.  They will not say much to young women about their personal lives, who they might know, and where they might go when not with them.  They tend to be secretive, uncaring, and stubborn in their ways.  These men are often unhappy, wrestle occasionally with feelings of guilt, quick-tempered, and have a long trail of broken hearts.  Some of these preying older men are emotionally and physically abusive.


If you know someone like this, be sure to pray about the situation.  Confide in someone you trust and seek out online and offline resources that can help you.  Take the time to Google: Human Sex Trafficking Warning Signs.


Nicholl McGuire