Friday

Independent Woman: A Blessing & A Curse

Oh, how could it be that an independent woman could be both a blessing and a curse!?  Well nowadays this is just what she is.  You see, to an older man who grew up during a time when many women depended on a man to be both the breadwinner as well as drive the family from point a to point b, he is use to seeing men be the head in the family.  So he may think that he should take care that his partner is never without money and/or his service.  However, independent women of our present day actually frown on relationships like that.  They wonder what is wrong with a woman who relies on a man to drive her around or requests money from a man.  "She can do those things herself!"  They cry.  Sure, but if the partnership is working, who are we to judge? 

When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man.  However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse.  The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home.  Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too!  Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships!  Too many leaders anywhere can create problems. 

Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it.  There are both young and older men who take notice too!  Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead.  I could use her to help me get where I want to be."  This is where being independent can also be a curse.  A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted. 

Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another.  If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that.  If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.

Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.

There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women.  They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement.  An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women!  He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think.  Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all.  She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!

Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman.  As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks. 

Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work!   Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!"  An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit.  The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?" 

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Remember a young woman and an older man come from two different mindsets, possibly cultures, ethnicities, and the like.  Neither should expect to dance by the beat of each other's drum without giving up something.  The problem is an older man who is set in his ways isn't about to listen to someone younger and possibly inexperienced unless he sees some benefit.  A younger woman most likely had problems listening to her father or some other older male relative growing up, so the last thing she wants is another father figure. 

Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.

In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or na├»ve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older.  But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant.  Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.

Nicholl McGuire

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