Showing posts with label male midlife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label male midlife. Show all posts

Monday

The Man in Denial About Being Old

He considers himself to be young, he chooses not to view himself to be old or getting older.  He desires a young woman to make him feel good inside.  She is to compliment him, make him smile, introduce him occasionally to what interests young people, be a good listener and a lover.  Seems simple enough?  Yet, the mature man, who is in denial about age and refuses to date anyone his own age or older, is complicated. 

Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own.  Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it.  So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home.  He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by.  The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore.  He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial. 

Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one.  He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings.  He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego.  He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group.  He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body.  He sulks when he loses.  If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it.  Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them. 

So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says.  "I'm not old."  People are such good liars.

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday

Wake Up - Male Midlife Crisis is Real - Young Woman You Might Be a Victim

For some men, they thought that if they stepped out of their marriages, distanced themselves from children and live a little, things would get better.  Unfortunately, those feel-good emotions didn't happen long term like they had hoped.  The "living a little" with the hot chick, new car, baby on the way, relocation, and other surprises turned into nothing more than burdens.

Former mature partners know better, young ladies don't have a clue.  At first agreeing to date these men in crisis, who appear so charming, seems harmless for many single women until they spend time with them when they don't appear so attractive or behave so nicely. 

Like the older women, these young women soon discover that something is very wrong with partners/lovers.  They start feeling uncomfortable around these difficult men and contemplate breaking up with them.  "What did I say?  What did I do?  Why is this guy so negative?  What the f*ck is wrong with him!" a young lady might think.  It isn't so much what you said or did to set him off that rattles the evil within, but it is how he feels at the moment a challenge arises.  He may have been okay with something one day and then go ballistic the next.  Welcome to the world of andropause/irritable male syndrome/low T.

If you have yet to read articles about male midlife on this site and others, then start diving in, you will be in for a treat or maybe a trick because you will feel like you have been duped once you get to know the irritable male. 

Take heed young woman, there is more to a middle-aged man who is often moody and has what appears to be a decent past (somewhat normal not too bad,) and a satisfactory lifestyle.  Despite his blessings, he nit-picks about them, complains about little things, and frequently finds fault with the people around him.  Also, think twice before joining the bandwagon of blaming exes.  A man in crisis may have had children with an ex he fell deeply in love with until his bodily changes took over.  He might have been married for a long time, had a great career, interesting life experiences, etc. but all those things came to a halt when emotions started to change, so rather than weather life storms, he looked for ways to escape it. 

Don't think he won't change on you sooner or later and don't accept responsibility for things beyond your control.  The blaming, minimizing, gas-lighting, and denial happens frequently in arguments with men in crisis and unfortunately some women are physically abused as well.  This is why mature woman will advise it is best to avoid the debates, get a life of your own, and do what makes you feel happy. 

Sometimes older people refuse to admit that there are personal and/or professional issues occurring in their lives as a result of the aging process.  Sometimes too focused on maintaining a youthful image and/or mindset, they fail to see the destruction they have left behind and just how out of touch they are with reality.  Guard your heart and your bank account, young woman when dating these men.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Thursday

Plenty of Reasons Why Older Men Date Younger Women, But Middle-Age Issues Live On

So older men date younger women for a variety of reasons from Boaz marrying Ruth to protect a family name to a relative simply liking a young lady and wanting to take care of her--no big deal, right?  Right.  But what if upon closer inspection some of those male mid-life blues start to show up coupled with issues he has carried from the last relationship with a menopausal woman, now what?  The young woman has her work cut out for her--that's what!  She has to be strong, focused, love herself, determined to make the relationship work (that is if she loves her partner) and have a support system that will advise her when things don't look good in the relationship.

I thought of this topic yet again (already wrote about it in the past on other sites and this one) as to why a man dates younger when I noticed many middle-aged women (both on and offline) behaving immaturely (ie. dressing inappropriately, cursing, fighting unnecessarily with partners)--purposely acting like young women in an attempt to keep their man's attention.  However, deep inside these middle-aged women feel jilted, angry, and jealous about the relationship between those "cradle-robbers," as they put it, and " young thangs."  These women's snarky comments, reveal a lot about their insecurities, unresolved issues, and more.

Men who date younger have spoken online and other places saying, "they don't like to feel old, menopausal women make them feel old."  I guess if one complains often about their aches it can be a turn-off.  I have heard menopausal women share a long list of issues with their co-workers about things like: vaginal dryness, weight gain, mood disorders--you name it!  So if they are talking about these things at work, I can only imagine how much more they are sharing with partners!

I would also assume that if a woman isn't taking care of herself both inside and out, her man is going to stray.  He is not going to keep being understanding if his wife/girlfriend keeps telling him, "I'm sorry I can't have sex tonight...these hot flashes are killing me...don't touch me.  Leave me alone!"   A weak man is going to eventually lust or look for a woman who he hopes will make him feel better than the last.  He is going to watch for the woman who doesn't have as many women issues as those who are more mature.  Remember,the old adage, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks?"  This is also true for the mature women as well.   

Some mature men grow weary of telling so-called responsible women (both young and old) to take care of themselves.  Notice I didn't say all.  From smelly (you know what) to managing money, women who don't take heed to advice that their mother may have told them or should have, will not keep any man around for long!   

Being that I am not middle-aged yet and not considered youthful either by societal standards, I can date men both young and old (since my face and body at times is deceiving for some),  I am personally indifferent to the topic of dating older and younger now that I am headed for the big 40, yet I do like to write about it and share my observations.  But really, who are the individuals who get a rise when the topic of older men, dating younger women arises?  Scorned middle-aged mothers and daughters, they care.  "Dad left mom for a younger woman who's like my age, wtf!?"  Her mom yells, "Go back to that baby, you call a girlfriend, Pig, Chester the Molester!"

These women care a whole lot!  The insecure wife is often left alone while her husband plays with the twenty-something year olds who could care less that the man is married.  Mom, on low self-esteem, hurts inside because she once looked a certain way and now thanks to society, she is forced to try to work on a face that is no longer holding make-up well.  She despises her body shape and will often comment about others being "...so small...Look at her...I wish I had her body..."  Meanwhile, her daughter just doesn't see men in the same way.  She wonders what the future holds.  She is angered that the young lady is old enough to be her friend.  She thinks, "Why is my dad so stupid?"  Hormones played an impact on dad's decision-making especially if the young woman is old enough to be his daughter.  Sure, there were other reasons that made him like the girl, but most assuredly a mentally stable man, who has a relatively good life and his relationship has very few issues, is not going to suddenly abandon it for a young woman.  But unstable men do it all the time and cover up the true reasons with a barrage of mainstream excuses.  The ignorant overlook the deception and don't bother to think deeply about the topic.  "So it happens, old guy, young lady, who cares?"  They dismiss all reasoning; instead, some just say,  "S$%t happens."  While they move on, middle-age issues live on.

Nicholl McGuire
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Is it Really Love or Societal Brainwashing? Making Boys out of Grown Men

"If I am more concerned about the way I look and feel while making someone else happy who just so happens to be younger than me, then I am going to overlook those people and things around me that don't feed my ego--no matter how important they might be to me."  Sounds like a little crazy thinking, huh?  Well, the selfish, arrogant, mid-life male has an interesting way of reasoning why he does what he does.  "I need love, I need someone to appreciate me...and by God, I'm going to find her!"  How about thinking like this, "I am unhappy right now about many things and rather than focus on someone else or something else making me happy, I choose to focus internally on a broken me, how might I be able to fix me?"  Sometimes it is simply a trip to the doctor that helps, a moment with one's Creator, and a supportive network of others who are solving their woes.

Let's face it, we all are aging, even the young women out there, but what seems to be happening is this fight to look and feel younger is messing with many supposedly mature men's minds to the point that they are losing jobs, money, marriages, relationships with children, and more!

I have read comment after comment on various sites about 50 plus year old men finding 20 something young women "compatible, fun, sexy," etc.  It is nice to read that many men have found a compatible partner that "...gets me," so some say.  However, are they really in love or is it lust?  If we were to interview these same men who have been dating for a month, or a year or more later, will they still feel head-over-heels in like/love for their young mates?

With so much media hype about defying age, one can easily band aid one's crisis with someone or something that doesn't remind him or her, "You are getting old..." there are more than enough options.  It doesn't help matters when you don't have supportive people around you.  Older women tend to make less than uplifiting comments about aging, mature friends will joke about getting older, and even young people will tease the middle-aged about what they look like, but for some men it is no laughing matter about growing older, so they defy it by doing just about anything that says, "You still got it, man!" 

Many mature men aren't interested in young women simply because they don't want to take advantage of them, they are like daughters in their eyes.  These men consider themselves wise and aren't the least bit interested in seeking a fountain of youth.  They love their wives, appreciate their sons and daughters, and are content with who they are--gray hair and all!  Some mid-life men who aren't so blessed to have a family that is still intact, refuse to allow media brainwashing to make them feel like they ought to find someone younger to complete them, so they too opt out of the age gap dating scene. 

When one is in love, of course, age doesn't matter, flaws are of little concern, and one is enamored with all there is, beauty, brains, body--you name it!  But every now and then, the idea will pop up in a mid-life man's mind that his young partner will awake to a harsh reality.  "He just is too old for me...he isn't what I had in mind...what am I missing out on by being with him...how much longer will he be able to satisfy me sexually?  I think my parents are right, he's just too d*mn old!"

One must contemplate whether a May-December relationship is just that, meant to be only months long, rather than years.  Tricks are for kids and one who is maturing and aware that time is important, doesn't want to play any games with his life.  Yet, society plays mind games on many middle-aged men by telling them to do things like: watch games made for boys, play games made for boys, buy boys' toys, and sit amongst The Boys.  So if one is so focused on activities made for boys, where does a mature woman fit in?  She doesn't.  So off he goes with the girlfriend meant for a boy not for a man--get it?  Thinking back, what do most young adult boys do anyway?  Lust after young girls then have sex with them.  They play a sport or two, work a job, spend money on an expensive toy, drink alcohol, travel, and do it all over again tomorrow without a care--that is until the following happens:  someone says, "I love you!"  She contracts an STD, says she's pregnant, wants to get married, asks for one's money or wants to drive his car, now the adult boy is forced to become a man.  Now what he does with that young woman, during those trials, will determine how much of a man he truly is-- age is irrelevant.  "I don't know what to do...why didn't you protect yourself...who were you sleeping with...you aren't getting my money...you aren't driving my car...you're not my wife...I'm not marrying you!"  The adult boy, full of regret, plays the blame game, looks for an escape, and acts selfishly.  This is why he can't last with a woman his own age, the mind has yet to mature.  And how will it, when he constantly permits himself to be programmed by people and systems who are unsupportive of the natural aging process?

We must all take some time to question our motives, our feelings, and why we do what we do.  For some mature men, young women lose their shine after awhile, especially when some ladies can see through an adult boy's games.  They know when they are being played, and sooner or later they will either create a game of their own or bail out.  Some mature men lose their shine because they just don't get the younger women particularly the wise ones.  However, young women don't become wise overnight and neither do adult boys who still have a lot of growing up to do!  Both need time to understand who they are before they can understand one another and they must also recognize when they are being brainwashed by the powers that be.   Is he really having a male midlife?  Is she really seeking a father figure? 

In closing, men: avoid the "boys will be boys" mentality coupled with age defiance, and get real with yourself, your family, and that one you claim you love!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books.  She is looking to advance her virtual assistant role and small self-publishing business in the near future.  Learn more here.  Angel investors are welcome!

When Dating Bubbly, Talkative Young Women Just Isn’t Working for You


They are youthful, exciting and have a lot to talk about, young women who laugh more than they cry can make any man fall head over heels in love with them.  But when you are a self-centered mature man, settled—caught up in routines, in time, you will be annoyed with all the energy that some young women bring to the relationship.

At first it doesn’t seem to bother you, her smiling often, but over time you find yourself starting to feel uneasy.  You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you or maybe with her.  “Can someone be this happy all the time?”  Rather, you should be asking, “Why am I so cranky?”  The young bubbly woman seems so much happier and optimistic about the future, but you, not so much.  

Casting all doubt aside and unresolved issues of the past, face it, you just might not be her type.  Why force a round peg into a square hole?  But what do some mature men do?  Try too hard to impress in the beginning of the relationship only to later become weary and unemotional toward a younger woman’s advances, requests and desire to be heard.  “It’s not her, it’s me…” he should be telling himself.  But years of playing the blame game skews his vision and all he sees is that wide smile that he can’t muster on his face asking him to, “Try this…Why don’t we go there…What’s wrong?” while hearing her irksome laughter in his head. 

Some men just shouldn’t waste a young woman’s time.  Think: she has her life ahead.  Why slow her down with unnecessary requests to get her to change who she is?  “Do you have to talk so much, honey?  Are you always like this so cheery?  I wish I had your energy…” he says.  So she likes to go, go, go and giggle, giggle, giggle.  Isn’t that what you liked about her?  Why expect her to be anything different?  Maybe you use to be young and fun once, but these days that just isn’t you.  Why not be the bigger person and end the relationship so that you can find someone with less energy, you know someone more like yourself.  Don’t worry over making her cry.  Besides, she might be thinking, “He is such a grumpy man.  Wonder how I can get out of this one?”  

There are those men who just don’t get it when it comes to dating younger women, one size (personality) doesn’t fit all.  No matter how many relatives, friends, co-workers, talk shows, articles, and more that are out there that scream at you, “Stay away from younger women, you are no match for them” some men will try to date them anyway.  Men, who just aren’t out-going and don’t like to do much but work and periodically have sex should stick to their own age group or alone especially if the slightest remark, question, or joke bothers them.  Most menopausal single women get it, that’s why some prefer to be alone.  They avoid both young and older men.  “It’s just too much work to date,” some say.  

Far too many young women have had their poor hearts broken waiting for some mature men to get their act together.  They sold them a good sales pitch in the beginning of the dating relationship only to let these women down, shame on them!  Unfortunately, some of these young women overlooked the old adage which says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” too!
When you know you have a long pattern of reckless dating and many stories that include phrases such as:  “I didn’t like…couldn’t get along…wish things were different…” it’s time to take that pause in one’s life and ask yourself this question, “What the #$%^ am I doing?”  I’m sure the women your own age were thinking the same thing.

Nicholl McGuire

Understanding Men and Depression - Especially During Mid-Life Crises

Male depression is often a taboo subject of discussion as is with impotency and sexuality. However it is a very serious problem affecting approximately 40% of men between ages 40-60 years. It is especially during the male midlife crises phase that depression increases significantly. Men strongly oppose or deny the existence of male depression as this may reflect on them as being possibly weak or sissy-like and also don't understand the link between sex and depression.


Men and woman experience and cope differently with depression. Females are self-blaming and feel guilty while males blame other people and feel ashamed. Males want to remain in control at all times and woman have problems setting limits.

Common symptoms are insomnia, irritability, changes in sex drive and impotency. However cluster symptoms are not easily recognisable and thus not easily diagnosed by Doctors and other health care Professionals.

What can be done when you recognize these symptoms in your husband, partner, neighbour or even co-worker? Do not mention depression directly, rather approach it with an angle as the male brain is wired to deny anything that might look weak or female-like. Help will only be sought when pressured by important people in their life, so make sure that the man feels that he is important to you.

What are the available treatments?

Treatment can take the form of support groups, counselling or psychotherapy, medication either natural or prescribed. Medical science has evolved so much the last couple of decades that an extensive range of antidepressant medication is available from your physician. The medication can be classified as follows:SSR's, is most effect drugs on the market with less side effects than Tricyclic Antidepressants. Avoid usage with weight loss supplements and pills, Tryptophan and St. John's Wort.

Amphetamines are very, very dangerous medication and should only be prescribed by highly skilled Psychiatrists.

Tricyclic Antidepressants, are generics although cost-effective have lots of side effects.

Depression can also be greatly reduced by the patient self by means of dietary changes, exercise, mind shifting to more positive thoughts and approaches as well as development of stress management skills.


By Trevor Johnson
Find more ways to overcome male depression and discover more about depression and men

Monday

They Have Their Days Too...Andropause & PMS...Uh oh!

While you are having your bouts with PMS, he is having his issues with andropause. In case you didn't know, that is the proper name for mid-life crisis. Now some so-called experts won't take the male mid-life business seriously, rather they will attribute men's issues to outside influences like work, family, and money. But if you have dated older men for any length of time, then you know there is more going on within than on the outside.

The older man will have various mood swings due to a number of factors such as low testosterone, bad eating habits, and a lack of exercise. Some get older and aren't always mindful of their body odors. Whatever the older man's problem, the reality is he can get on your nerves! His impatience, anger outbursts, silent treatment, and myopic behaviors can send you packing! Understanding tends to go out the younger woman's head when she too is going through her set of woes.

We all know what to do with his and her bath towels, but many of us don't have a clue what to do with his and her mood swings. Here are a few tips I have had to learn the hard way over the years.

1. Do something else besides have sex. If you are in a relationship with an older man that seems to be moving fast, so fast that you can't seem to come up for air between love-making sessions, put some distance between the both of you by doing something else that has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm sure he can understand why you wouldn't want intimacy while going through PMS and your cycle. If not, then you will want to question what kind of man you got yourself hooked up with. (When I dated an older man who was abusive, he found it difficult giving me my space during my time of the month. That was a good sign he was not a compassionate person, but I was too awe struck on looks and stability to see the signs.)

2. You don't have to commit because he told you that he loves you. From the ex-wife to the children from a previous relationship, I'm sure you are the next best thing since sliced bread and because of that you can afford to take your time.

When committing to any man with a past that is walking and breathing, it can be difficult to accept everything that goes with it. If you sincerely feel that accepting him along with his baggage is too much, do converse with him about your feelings before you decide to break off the relationship and not during PMS.

3. When he is in one of his moods ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" but don't ask when you are in a bad mood yourself, because it will most likely come out like this, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you talking to me...Are you having one of your senior moments?" Although asking him what's on his mind doesn't always work, at least take the time out to let him know you care. He may not be ready to talk, but at some point he just might open up. When he does decide to share his thoughts, try hard to make him feel comfortable expressing them without becoming emotional. I know it can be difficult especially if he is being critical of you, but try anyway even if it means you just sit there and look at him.

Well, I hope the two of you have a good month...wish me well too!


Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

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