Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.

You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Older Men Looking for Younger Women - Dating for Wants not Needs

A single, older man who seeks selfish gain has an agenda before he even starts dating someone new. The kind of plan with the objective to meet his wants and not always his needs.  Most often what or who is most important to him (that person, place or thing) is already managed as far as he is concerned.  But those wants of the older guy are very tempting to him, temporarily satisfying, and at times worth the risks that come with them at least so he thinks. 

When older men seek younger women, what do you think is going on in some of their minds? Consider things like:  companionship, attention, adoration, sex, travel buddy, an assistant or some other want.  These are their benefits they often receive depending on their selection of women (most lovers give very little while expecting much in return).  These mature men have already had their share of  life disappointments and so now they seek after what they feel is essential to their well-being and present lifestyles, yet sometimes their wants outweigh common sense.  Ponder on the following.

Unchecked health issues dominate a man's mind; therefore he looks to others to treat his ills by distracting him with entertainment; rather than making a doctor's appointment or sitting down with a psychologist or a person of faith.

  

Poor choices in past or current mates rob him of inner peace, joy, money, relationship with children, etc. instead of blaming himself, he shifts blame, makes excuses, or hopes his personal issues will just go away or one day get better without doing anything or very little to make personal changes.  

His desire to achieve becomes more significant than quality relationship building. Instead of building people up (family, friends...) as he moves up the ladder of success, he fault-finds, insults, and bad mouths.  A Creator is unimportant, spirituality has no impact, and he feels a void despite all of the material wealth and business acquaintances he has gained.

These are just a few of the many things that motivate an older man to find a bit of pleasure in a young woman.  He runs away from the things that bother him while he expects/demands/controls his fountain of youth.  In time, his younger partner doesn't look as appealing to him due to aging, childbirth, stress, etc.  So he isn't very kind or caring while his eyes wonder elsewhere.  

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Without quality friends around these troubled older men to shake them back into reality and out of their personal fantasies, they will continue to go after gullible young women who ultimately give them nothing more than a headache and empty bank account over time. 

 

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The compatibility they eventually realize simply isn't there as they mature along in years.  Unfortunately, many of these disgruntled older men take out their negative emotions on those closest to them.  Meanwhile the young ladies come to the realization that the aging process in their older partners is more than they can handle.  They either fight back, ignore, or move on to nicer guys whether young or old.  As far the older men who see they are no longer charming in the eyes of their companions, they reason, "It's not me, it's them..."out with the old and in with the new.  This cycle may repeat with the miserable,stubborn, bitter, and angry older men over and over again until their dying days.

As much as some of us enjoy connecting with older or younger, we all need to understand that there are needs and wants in these matches, engagements and marriages and if one is unwilling to meet a person's desires, besides one's own, on both an emotional and physical level (no matter the age) there will be trouble!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much,Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

Top 10 Reasons Why You Should Date Older Men

On Dating Older Guys: When the Young Lady Realizes Her Youth Isn't Forever

Every young woman experiences varying seasons of being ignorant, naïve, silly, and fragile when it comes to dealing with life issues.  A mature man knows this and most often will not think too much about having a long-lasting, committed relationship with a young woman/girl who is still developing mentally and physically.  However, there are those men who are excited about the possibility of playing the role of naughty teacher to an unsuspecting student while others simply desire a quality relationship.  Despite age differences, issues related to immaturity, family members' concerns, and more, some older men will continue to work at building a relationship with their younger partners.

It can be sometimes shameful and embarrassing for some senior men to date younger women with a 30 plus age gap, and so they will end good times before they become challenging ones.  Others are nonchalant when it comes to the older dating younger relationship and will continue to be with very young women/girls despite what people their own age and older warn.  These men reason, "As long as I am having a good time, who cares what they think?"  Notice "I" not we is in the previous statement. 

But one day, the young woman/girl will start to notice that her youth is passing her by.  She might find that acting like anyone but herself isn't what she wants to do.  She may start to listen to wise counselors while coming to the realization that maybe being with an older man just isn't for her.  The young lady's requests for money and other things from her older man will eventually not suffice and the nagging feeling within her will one day question, "Youth and beauty are passing you by, what more do you want out of life besides sex and things?"

Most young women/girls don't reach any "aha" moment of being used and abused or being the user or abuser until they hit rock bottom in their lives.  It is when they start to feel like someone has robbed them of something or they have missed out on life that they start looking around for someone or something to blame.  The fantasy of love and forever bliss is wiped away with reality and heartbreak for her, the lover or both.

A mature man might walk away from his spoiled creation sooner or later, but may return again like a drug addict needing yet another fix.  The same might occur with the young woman.   The time will come when hard decisions must be reached to be in or out of the relationship.  An older man, who knows better, will  recognize his young woman is evolving and like a butterfly, he will watch her fly freely.  But the controlling, abusive type will attempt to put a "pretty young thing" back into her cocoon.  In the eyes of the narcissist and the psychopath, she is nothing more than a "thing" anyway.

Watch Nicholl McGuire's videos on the narcissist and the psychopath here.  She also maintains Love Dating Advice
 

Dating Older, Dating Younger: What Do You Sincerely Want in a Relationship?

Whether she is looking for the wealthy professional long-term or he is seeking an attractive, young woman to be intimate with for the short term, the two must communicate their intentions or otherwise someone or both will have a rocky road to climb that just might leave the pair very weary and bitter with one another in the end.

People get involved in relationships for any number of reasons whether the church, parents, or government agrees or not.  Some couples connect for reasons that are obvious and have been publicly shared without shame while others not so much.  What is in darkness does come out into the light eventually, so one must be honest about his or her intent when dating a young woman or older man.

Take a moment to think about why a mature man seeks after a young lady in search of a Sugar Daddy or why a young, educated woman appears to act very interested in a rich, unattractive gentleman?  In these examples, these people have specific needs and believe their encounters with one another will meet them.  No matter the relationship, background, creed, religion, ethnicity, someone has learned of some benefit when one dates the other that he or she may or may not know about.  The rumor, stereotype, or "word on the street" might be true about one's love interest, but maybe not. 

It takes time to get to know people, but unfortunately far too many people are connecting on the Internet believing that they have found a special someone that will complete them only to be disappointed in the end.  Quality relationships aren't built through good communication alone!  You can express how you feel until you are blue in the face through email, text, and in-person discussion, but if a person isn't much interested in you, other than what you can do for him or her, you just won't be able to make them stay in a serious relationship that they may have never wanted in the first place.

To date one older can be a great experience with the right attitude and a mindset that can look beyond the aging process.  It is inevitable, people will get older.  When one chooses to date younger, he or she must recognize that there is still much a youthful partner doesn't know about life; therefore, much patience is required.  Personality differences will get in the way if one doesn't recognize that relationships are built on working together and not apart.  Sometimes one will have to set aside his or her preferences/interests/way of life for another.  One who is more concerned about "playing" is not interested in compromise.

Be sure you know what type of relationship you want with your younger or older mate.  There are open relationships, secretive ones, wild ones, committed ones, and more.  Be honest about who you are such as:  what you want, the past, present, and future if you want a relationship built on a solid foundation, but if you aren't seeking anything serious--save your best for the one who you really want in the future.  Establish boundaries when dating and avoid the temptation to do the kind of things that would bring shame on you and your family.  Most of all, be certain that dating young or older is what you sincerely want.

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and When Mothers Cry.

His Money, The Ex and Their Kids: A Fictional Story of a Very True Reality

The young woman didn't know what she was getting herself into when she started dating the older man.  She thought that dating this wealthy, handsome man was just the thing she needed to uplift her dismal lifestyle.  The sexy, young woman had envisioned a lifestyle of travel, nice gifts, and romance.  It didn't matter to her that most of her ideas on dating older came from a television reality show.

As the months grew into years, the young woman noticed many things about the older man that she simply didn't like.  She wouldn't dare share all that she observed with loved ones and close friends, because years ago, they warned her not to date "that old man."  They were concerned about her because the older guy had a bitter ex, a fluctuating income and stubborn, spoiled children from what they had heard.  But she was in love, at least so the college graduate believed.  If she could deal with crazy parents and wild roommates, she had reasoned dating the mature man would be a peace of cake.  But it wasn't.

The young lady was depressed and ready to call it quits.  Five years had gone by and she was weary of the ex calling and her boyfriend being what he called, "cordial for the sake of kids."  She suspected that he cheated on her with the ex one time or another.  The young woman had flew off the handle one too many times when his children were around; therefore, her boyfriend was carrying some hidden resentment because of those past episodes.  He had his doubts about the relationship, wasn't interested in rekindling any fires with the ex, and really didn't want to have to parent his children.  The young woman was a nice distraction, a good babysitter, cook and housekeeper sometimes.  Yet, she really wasn't meant to be in his life for very long.

Talking with older women, brought some comfort for the niave youngster.  She learned that men in her boyfriend's age group "had issues."  She reflected on how she once was so captivated by her older friend's charm and thought about marriage and having children of her own with him, but not so much anymore.  The young lady was changing like her man's unstable bank account.  She didn't anticipate that practically over night, money would be no more, fancy trips would vanish, and some of his material wealth would be taken away or sold.  Even worse, she had to give up some things he bought her to help him!  The poor girl struggled with thoughts of loving her boyfriend and once loving his money.  She hurt inside and at times felt like a fool for being so shallow when it came to getting her needs met.  Why did she allow her independence to be suffocated by lust?

A child free, beautiful, single woman with her life to live should be happy living it, but not this young miserable woman.  She knows that she permitted someone older and very selfish to redirect her lifestyle to fit his needs.  When would she start living her life?  It was obvious from the look on her boyfriend's face he had already lived his.

So the takeaway from this short fictional work is know the truth about your partner and be certain that you and he are willing to be in a relationship for better or for worse, rather than string one another a long with everything else, but love.

Nicholl McGuire created a video to help those who are in emotionally and physically abusive relationships.  See here.

If You Can't Keep Up, Shut Up

Sometimes we seek people who we think are a good match for us because they have a quality that we only wished we had.  He is fun, she is attractive and smart--they both like to party.  So we reason in our minds, "I want a relationship like theirs."  Knowing full well we are ill-equipped to handle certain personalities and interests. 

Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, rich, poor, happy or miserable, it would make sense to update yourself on what you like and don't like in a relationship.  Maybe you have changed over the years.  If you find yourself getting out more alone, then most likely you will be more adventurous with someone you are dating.  Test yourself on some of those interests others enjoy before you make them your own.  If you find yourself having to struggle to keep up with your dates, you are most likely pretending to be something you are not.  Some people just aren't active, don't enjoy eating healthy, or stepping out of their comfort zones.  Others are insecure and jealous.  They don't know how to deal with public stares, out-spoken individuals, or friends, exes, family etc.  Knowing this, you can't make anyone be something they are not (at least for a long period of time).  You might be able to persuade an individual to think outside of the box, but how long they stay out the box is ultimately up to them.

Over the years, I have dated cookie cutter kind of men.  They all were cut from the same dough and shaped the same way in their thought processes.  Most enjoyed pretty much the same things--eating, sleeping, watching sports on TV, and sex on weekends.  When I tried to get them to open up about other interests, they looked at me with a dumb look or criticized me for my ideas.  Some of these men really meant well and attempted to impress me by thinking outside the box, but that was short-lived. 

When dating, you have to honestly know what you like and don't like and be sincere when you communicate your interests, boundaries and other similar things to your dates.  Putting on an act, like you are the creative type when you know you are really the logical type, will only cause friction in your future relationship.  Pretending like you are an extrovert when in fact you know you are an introvert will only cause unnecessary conflict.  From saints to sinners, don't try to be something you know you are not deep down inside just because you think it impresses someone, you are gaining some type of material wealth, etc. 

Too often couples attempt to change one another.  He doesn't like his partner acting friendly toward others so he acts negatively in an effort to get her to stop being so cordial.  She doesn't like the fact he is a couch potato so she nags him about going places.  If you can't keep up, shut up!  No sense in arguing about why a date doesn't like, doesn't want, or doesn't enjoy your company and vice versa.  Avoid the temptation to exaggerate or lie about who you are and what you like from the beginning!  Take notice of those subtle signs a date is not the one before you agree to settle down with someone who may or may not be your match. 

Nicholl McGuire

OMG! He Acts Just Like My Dad!

Maybe that day has never came for you.  Maybe you only heard about it, you know, the young woman who comes to the revelation that her older date reminds her so much of none other than her father--oh no!

The mature man is not going to receive this eye-opening experience from the young lady, especially if he considers himself rather young in spirit, he is going to avoid the "You act like and kind of look like my dad" conversation like a plague.  What the heck, this older man probably feared his younger partner would one day arrive to this sudden epiphany! 

When the older man was listening to that young woman's stories about her father early on in the dating relationship, he was thinking about himself.  He was comparing, contrasting, and contemplating, "What if this is all some sort of daddy issue romance playing itself out?  What do I do?" he thought.  Well, you do what any respectable man does, you acknowledge her feelings and you remind her, "But I am not your dad. I repeat I am not your dad."  Then you work real hard not to do anything that appears daddy like such as: parent her, "You are to give me a time when you intend to be back, young lady!" or tell her when she is hurt, "It's okay boo-boo daddy loves you."

Now the young woman is going to reach the point of no return at some point in your dating relationship, where she is not going to go back to that daddy revelation for it is quite disturbing and you will know when she continues on in the relationship as if nothing has ever been revealed.  She says things like, "I truly only want to be with you.  I really would like for us to get married... and what do you think of children?"  She sees you as a lover, friend, and husband but not as a  father, good for you!  

Once you can detect that you, if you are the younger woman, or you, if you are the mature man, realizes that nothing can separate you, not even memories of dad, go ahead, take the next step.  But if every time you two have a moment to converse and she starts talking about "my dad this and my dad that and you act this way and that way just like my dad with a glint of anger in her eyes," jump ship--she has some serious issues that if you don't have the time, money and patience, don't bother trying to direct her to some help while you are still having sex with her.  Better off just being friends.  And for the younger woman, you will need to spend some time alone if you are having a hard time removing the images of your dad and childhood issues concerning him.  You see, no one wants to be reminded that they look, act, smell, dress, or are like someone else--no one!  We are uniquely designed, all of us.  Sure, I might remind you of someone and you might remind me of someone, but we both have many different facets to who we are if only we would all just take the time to discover them in our relationships rather than compare them to the past.

So don't run away mature man if the young woman suddenly realizes that she has been attracted to you, because you remind her of the first man in her life, it just might be a passing phase.  However, younger woman, if it really does bother you that the gentleman you like/love is very much like your dad, don't take the relationship any further.  We wouldn't want you to feel like you are sleeping with your dad--now that's just nasty and besides if you have a faith, you might want to pray about your issues.

Nicholl McGuire

Health Issues, Ex Dilemmas, Unsupportive Children: Younger Woman Is He Worth It?

They tell you, " You are so young, why bother with that old man?"  You think to yourself, "Yeah, why?"  If you are thinking like this, then chances are this man is no longer worth your time young woman.  "There is so much life ahead of you," they say.  "They" (mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, friends, etc.) don't lie when it comes to wanting you happy.  Whay are you with him?  There is, if you plan well, someone out there for you who wants marriage, children, and no additional baggage (like children from a previous relationship, a jealous ex, and unresolved issues on the job or with friends).  You just have to be patient and discerning.  Why be that depressed, young woman on this older man's arm faking smiles (and for some young women, orgasms too with a man who obviously doesn't turn you on anymore, if ever).

Let's just be honest, some men (and women too) just don't see their flaws or their personal dramas.  If they do, they ignore them and hope that the person they are with will ignore them too.  But how long will you look the other way when his soldier isn't standing erect, his children are being disrespectful or when he is often tired when you are ready to do anything but watch TV for leisure every weekend!  There is something wrong when an older man doesn't appreciate or act interested in a woman who is young, sexy, energetic, caring, and intelligent.  If all he can see and complain about is say:  her annoying friend, her interests in her family, the way she organizes the house, or some odd thing she does with her eyes, then you have to wonder what kind of man is he. A perfectionist, controlling, stubborn, or just weird?

Yes, young woman, you who happened to come across this blog, could have someone more compatible.  But for some of you, you keep your old man around like he does an old lazy boy chair, he's comfortable--that's right, comfortable.  He may look worn, tired and may have a few things wrong with him, but he is still comfortable to sit or lay on.  You just don't have the courage nor desire to trade him for a new one.  The signs are all around you, "Get a new chair!  Here's a quality one, better than the one you got...come get me!"  the new, improved chair just screams, "I'm here. I can do a good job too!"  But what do some young women do, look for reasons to keep their old chairs like their old men around until they have simply had enough!  "I am tired of your lazy, old behind...can't you do more for me besides sit there and do nothing!  Why do I still see the stains of exs, children and your health issues years later!  What the X%$# have I got myself into?"  the disgruntled younger woman yells.

When she has made up her mind (and one day she will) and sees that the old dog just won't do any new tricks with her (and only her), she will leave sooner or later.  Pray for yourself or if you know someone in a relationship like this, pray for her.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of When Mothers Cry 

What Some People Say About Men with Younger Women

You don’t mean to stare at the unusual pair walking by, but you do.  Yet, when you are the one in a peculiar relationship, you are wondering, “Why does it seem like everyone is looking at my date and I?”  Then you think, “What could they be thinking?”  Sometimes people aren’t really concerned about what others are doing.  But there are those, who love to people watch and they are thinking the ever-popular question, “What is she doing with him?” among other things.

“She is only with him for the money.”

You knew this statement was coming and if you are the one with the money you might be thinking, “Well is she?”  Discuss the issue amongst yourselves, but definitely don’t allow others to talk about it with you.  Most often people who are already receiving money from the mature partner will raise the red flag on the relationship, because they fear that they will no longer receive any money now that the mature partner is seeing this younger woman.

“He is too old to be dating someone her age – he’s robbing the cradle.”

Is he really too old or is she too young?  Well to some people maybe this comment is cause for concern, especially if someone skipped out on their marriage, dating a child etc. but if none of which applies to your relationship, why bother responding?

“What do her parents think about her dating someone much older?”

This may be a concern for a few due to personal reasons or because they are concerned the younger partner might not be legal age.  But does it really matter?

“I wouldn’t date someone my son or daughter’s age and definitely not my dad’s.”

As we all know who we choose to date is our personal business.  However, some critics can’t help but comment because they know they don’t have the courage or interest in dating someone younger or older.  Responding to a comment like this is a waste of time.  If you do, you will look immature and the naysayer just might feel good watching you react negatively.  Just ignore this person or better yet get it understood early on, especially if this person is a relative, to exercise a little self-control over their tongue if he or she wants to keep you in his or her life.  

“She must not have a close relationship with her father.”

Some people assume the worse, because they have heard of stories where young women have specifically dated older men because their own fathers didn’t meet their needs.  Maybe this happens for many younger women dating older men, but not all.  If you are a younger woman who doesn’t have a close relationship with your dad and you feel that it is affecting your relationship with your partner, maybe you might want to consider independent counseling, reconnecting with your father if you can, or sitting down with someone who knows him well to get answers to unresolved issues.  If you are the mature partner, you may want to watch for signs that she is in fact using you to fill a role in her life that wasn’t met by her dad.  If so, then you may want to discuss your concerns.

“He is going through a mid-life crisis (andropause) that’s why he is with her.”

Dating younger women is something that many men who have severe symptoms of andropause do, but once again there are exceptions to the rule.  A younger woman will want to observe her mate and watch for signs if she suspects that possibly she is one of many of her older partner’s andropause symptoms. 

“Why do older men always go after younger women?”

This statement is usually said by women who feel insecure, jealous and angered about past issues.  Others are simply curious.  When some younger women hear a comment like this, it might work for or against her self-esteem depending on how committed she is to the relationship.  She may ask the same thing of the older man or wonder what he sees in her.  Her partner will have to say the kind of things to keep her interested and secure in the relationship. 

“I was never interested in dating men my dad’s age or older, that’s crazy!”

Younger people can sometimes be the harshest critics of a relationship between a younger woman and an older man.  Oftentimes those who say this are still very immature, so they couldn’t fathom the thought.  If this comment is stated enough by friends, it might cause a younger woman, who isn’t so sure about dating an older man, to want to break up.

“He probably left his wife and children to be with her.  He will probably go back to the wife once he gets tired of her.”

This comment can really hurt a younger woman’s feelings particularly if she is head over heels in love with her mature mate.  So when she hears this, she might start to wonder if in fact he would get back with an ex.  Hopefully, the man isn’t married, but if he is, you might want to cut your losses early.

Too Old, Too Young? Think Before You Act

If you have dated someone younger or older, you most likely have heard someone say, "He is too old...She is too young..."  As much as we would like to debate about "the age thing," the truth is if someone tells you the truth, you ought to listen.  Who doesn't want someone to love, who has nice things, and enjoys activities that others our own age doesn't?  But when you compare apples to oranges, there are many others out here in the world that you most likely will have more in common with your own age or near your own age.  You have to see more in a relationship with an older or younger person besides, "We both like playing video games...we both enjoy walks in the park...we both love puppies!"  On the outside looking in, these reasons are cute, but they don't represent reality.

There are many older men with young boy personalities living in their bodies like there are many younger women with older women personalities living in their bodies.  It seems like a great combination, that is until the two start living together.  You never know on what day the old soul will come out or the playful boy will show up which can cause many problems in one's  relationship.  There isn't really anything you can do about a person with alters like these.

Know who you are dating.  The older man became the playful boy, because something triggered such a personality in his old age.  The younger woman became the old soul because something also happened in her lifetime to make her that way.  A mature man liked what he no longer is (young) when he looked at the younger woman, but was drawn to the old woman inside of her.  The younger woman liked what she didn't have (a mature figure in her life) when she looked at the older man, but was drawn to the young man on the inside of him.

Sure, you can converse about your different personalities, complain, sigh or moan to that relative or friend, but none of your issues with that person will make his or her alters go away--nothing!  You either deal with them or you don't.  Relationships like these can get rather complicated, so despite being in a relationship like this myself, you won't always find me encouraging others to jump on board especially if I know they have some serious personality or unresolved childhood issues.

Of course, there are those relationships that go the distance, but oftentimes you find out that many of these kind of relationships are dead-ends.  They start out with a purpose, but then in time someone or something creates a major shift in the relationship.  It is then that "the pretty young thing" or "old man" becomes yesterday's old news.  You might even hear one day, "What happened to your girlfriend?  What was wrong with him?  I told you it wouldn't last."

Nicholl McGuire