Showing posts with label age gap dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label age gap dating. Show all posts

Tuesday

Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger

There are life lessons to be learned the hard way when it comes to dating older and younger.  Some things you simply don't learn by someone cautioning you, you end up discovering why they warned you in the first place much later in life.  You most likely heard the following:

"She is just too young for you.  What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?"  Life lesson:  She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.

"He is too old for you.  Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?"  Life lesson:  He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child.  He doesn't care much what the child does.

"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?"  Life lesson:  She is so immature.  What was I thinking?

"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!"  Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.

Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance.  There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.

So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time.  He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older.  She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger.  What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.

The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship.  He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it.  He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did.  The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient.  She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances.  Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you?  Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"

No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do!  You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age.  He is so mature for his...not like those other guys."  Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship.  You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives.  You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated.  You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks.  A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers.  There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts.  An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.

You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom.  Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met.  The excuses get old.  Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines.  If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again?  If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth?  Why are you in a relationship again?

Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together.  This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in.  It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.

Friday

Watch Your Friends Around Your Young Partner



Sometimes men and women find the fruit that is already taken ripe for the picking.  Watch lustful family members and friends around your partner especially this holiday season.

Wednesday

Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone Younger, Older?

You were okay with the idea of dating someone older or younger until someone said something unflattering, you noticed stares from others, or your partner acted in a way that made you think, "What am I doing?"  You press forward dating the special someone anyway hoping that feelings of doubt, guilt, or worry will just go, but they don't.  You distract yourself from thinking negatively.  You look for the good in your connection.  You try real hard to make things work, but to no avail.  Ready to call it quits?

Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to.  It's new, different and not everyone approves.  People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner.  But it's okay, you will survive the criticism.  If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not.  Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor.  The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.

For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes.  Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age.  So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"

Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad.  Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together?  Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship?  Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative?  Ugh.  Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate. 

Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old.  You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship.  There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman.  If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset.  Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you.  When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.

Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday

Observations of the Older Man Dating the Younger Woman

Ever wonder what you, your mate and others really think of the younger woman with the older man? Putting aside everything you have been told or what you have seen when it comes to relationships like this, could you sincerely be honest, fair, and even encouraging when it comes to dating an older or younger partner or befriending this type of couple? Depending on your age, how secure you are about yourself and your own relationship, and dating experiences will determine how you truly feel about a younger woman dating an older man.

You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren’t alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.

Let’s begin with the first. What do young women and older men really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find that because of the age differences there are some very interesting subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment. Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion, ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any other couple who may be the same age or closely matched.

A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another’s future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let’s say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.

The popular question of “what will my friends think” may cross the couple’s mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn’t want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends’ opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn’t want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as “sexy, fun or good for you!”

A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks.  Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple’s former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative’s taste in a man or woman. They may ask, “Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren’t you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don’t you think she is too young?” The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn’t like their mates because they were “too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible.” When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.

The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circle by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.

Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog based on the book Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate


Thursday

Embarrassed by the Older Man's Looks

He doesn't get the invite to visit with the younger woman's family members and friends for the holidays.  His much younger girlfriend rarely wants to go out and about with him.  The truth is she secretly is embarrassed by her older companion's looks.

It is obvious they aren't a cute couple and she knows it.  The young lady doesn't like the way people look at them when they are out together.  She isn't comfortable with being in her family's presence with him either, because she knows what they will say, "He's too old for you.  He looks like your dad!"

Young ladies don't think of age difference details until they are tested by society.  Similar to an interracial relationship, it takes some getting use to for some May-December couples to be seen in public and to witness reactions.  Being behind closed doors is one thing, but being out in the open with an aging partner is something different.  One must be comfortable in his or her own skin while choosing to ignore the mean or shocking stares and comments. You can't help who you fall in love with!
If you find yourself frequently feeling uncomfortable about the relationship, discuss your concerns with your partner.  Consider your needs first and if it becomes too much to bear, maybe an age gap relationship is not for you.  Even though a person's appearance shouldn't be a big deal, it is when there are significant years between you both.  

Attraction is very important in relationships and when you don't feel attracted to a partner than you might as well face it.  Not everyone is like fine wine getting better with age--it's a harsh reality that some couples don't want to admit to.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Why Did I Start a Blog about Young Women and Older Men...

Sometimes I have to go back to why I even bothered to put this blog together.  I mean I didn't have to broadcast anything about subject matter like this, because well you readers know everything, right?  Actually you don't and neither do I and so the need for this blog over the years has been necessary.

We think when we meet people that we know so much.  We read articles, watch TV, hear
stories, had dating experiences...so we think we can handle almost anything that comes our way when it comes to dating.  But can you really when things aren't going so well in your life?  Nope.  You are left wide open, weak for a thrill.  You want a change in routine, something new, fresh, different...I get it.  But I don't support it when you already have someone at home that loves/likes you.  I'm not encouraging a person of faith to compromise their belief for anyone.  It isn't worth losing your anointing.  I am definitely not the one who will cheer you on when you are a victim either of a turbulent relationship.

I will say that I absolutely love sharing advice and listening to stories that relate to the content on this blog.  You can always learn something new if you are open to receiving.  Don't let negative past experiences keep you from growing and loving!  I for one am quite content in my lifestyle choice (married older) and look forward to the future.  Who knows, maybe I might be a cougar one day--just kidding, but then maybe not, hmmm.

Thanks for reading, keep scrolling and click those ads too--appreciate the support!

Nicholl

Friday

Writers, Bloggers, Video Creators...Dating Older Men, Younger Women?


He is sexy, sweet and smart.  She is unique, fun, and beautiful!

The May-December romance is in full bloom.  But as we all know sometimes
what goes up, goes down.  Do you have something to share about dating older men
or younger women?  Then let us feature you on this site! 
We welcome all shapes, sizes, ethnicities, etc.  Tell our audience about your challenges and share solutions.  Send correspondence to nichollmcguire@gmail.com today. 
Our audience enjoys reading content that can help them with their relationships and dating blues.

Thursday

Welcome to this Age Gap Dating Site Between Mature Men and Young Women

For those who are in love with an older man or curious as well as others who enjoy dating or married to young women, you will enjoy the content on this blog.  Much is thought-provoking, fun, serious, and also liberating.  So take a moment to check out whatever might be on interest.  This information is timeless and very useful especially if you are new to May-December romance.  Enjoy!

Nicholl McGuire


Tuesday

Having Fun will Cost You - When the Older Man Gives Into the Chase

How much money do you have to spend on a young lady?  How much time do you have to persuade the young woman to look beyond your wallet and aging appearance and truly see you for who you  are?  Is dating younger women really worth it?  Not every man can do it and not every young woman wants an older man either.  Be wise, look beyond the fun. -- Nicholl McGuire


Saturday

Crazy, Weird, Silly - Don't Settle for Someone You Don't Really Want

When I was younger if a man had a funny looking face, an annoying flaw like a bizarre laugh, or something else I didn't like, I simply didn't make him The Guy.  You know that special one in your life you want to roll around in the bed with or the guy you take home to parents.  As I grew older, I created additional standards for myself and didn't care whether he had a great sports car, a huge home, and a large bank roll, if he wasn't my type, I wasn't letting him see my legs, much less my boobs.

Seriously my friends, stop the settling and this goes for the mature men too.  You want a 10, but yet you go out with a five?  Sooner or later that "okay" looking young lady is going to know you just don't like her much.  What about the smart gal who looks great, but you don't approach her because of whatever insecurities you are grappling with?  So what if she says, "No, I have a boyfriend already."  There are others, many others, who will give you a little bit of this and that if you are honest.

Crazy, weird and silly people are everywhere on and off the Internet and if you don't consider yourself to be one of the three, then why get involved with odd folks?  I don't care how fine the hair, eye color, height, body type is, if I don't want him--I don't want him!  This is a major issue with many singles, divorced, and even unavailable men and women, they either can't connect with good-looking people with a brain between their ears or they settle for what is convenient, nearby, easy, cheap, affordable, etc.  Some daters treat online dating like shopping at Walmart.  "Did the price drop yet...? Oh wow, two for one special.  Is the meat fresh or is it expired?  Where's my coupon?  The store is right by my house.  Is it Black Friday?"  Now for some it just might be "black" Friday, but I digress.  And for others, they are serious about the quality of meat they choose too...anyway, people have feelings, I repeat, people have feelings and there is more to them than their dating preferences, location and age.

So the next time you come across some individuals that really don't impress you, no matter how eager they are to try you like you are a tasty sample at the local Cosco or Sam's Club, politely move on.  Chances are they just want whatever you are putting out anyway--nothing more, nothing less.  But if you want a little more than a one time experience, then be prepared to put your work in and don't settle!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books. 

Wednesday

Too Much Talking About Your Young Lady or Older Guy?

Some best friends, relatives, co-workers, and others aren't the least bit interested in connecting with an older man and younger woman dating one another.  Some have acted strangely, others have closed off circles, while a few might have faked support.

One of the biggest mistakes a couple makes in an age gap relationship is talk about one another a little too much to those in their inner circles.  Revealing things like personal issues they have with one another to how they act when it comes to sex, too much information will cause some healthy couples to put up their signs, "Keep away."

Friends, who have known each other for decades, begin to grow distant but the distance can increase even more when a buddy keeps talking about his "Pretty young thing...how she makes me feel...I just love when she...I don't like it when she..."  Some friends become jealous while others just don't want to hear things about the young woman in almost every conversation.

The young woman, who is excited about dating the older guy with money, loses her friends over time because, she too likes to run her mouth about what she receives from him, what she likes and doesn't like about the man.  The pair belong together, at least for a time, until one or both isn't so positive about the relationship.

Funny, how time flies when you're having fun!

Nicholl McGuire

Wednesday

Age Gap Dating - When is it a Good Time to Stick with Your Own Age?

You will know when it is a better to remain friendly with someone older or younger when your mind and body are in agreement.  There is just no shaking that feeling that says, "Keep away from them!" 


Many young women may have started off talking about how great their older dates were when things were still new, but in time they begin to realize why the older women wouldn't even look twice at them.  There is always a not-so public reason why an older man is interested in a younger woman and it isn't always good.


Some older men regret meeting their younger dates after a time of spending time with them.  They too come to the realization why the young women prefer dating them; rather than younger, more attractive looking men.  From wanting a place to stay to needing someone in their lives that will make them feel special, some young women's demands are too much to bear for older guys set in their ways.


To date most individuals who are older men or younger ladies requires patience, generosity, sex, and kindness.  Young women are typically more active and talk more than older women.  They also are still trying to figure their lives out so you never know what a day might bring.  Older men tend to have their share of responsibilities as well as health issues, so you never know when those sweet guys will turn sour.


If you know that the idea of being with someone with a significant age gap is going to be a bit of a burden for you, then rather talk yourself into dating the person or allowing him or her to persuade you to continue to date, just say, "No."  When you are not sold out on an idea, it is always best to avoid it.  Otherwise, you will find yourself one day playing the blame game.  Meanwhile, the only one to blame will be yourself for thinking you wanted something that you really didn't from the start.


Nicholl McGuire wrote Laboring to Love Myself, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.

Saturday

Age Gap Dating: Is the Young Woman the Needy and Greedy Type?

The rich gentleman was there when no one else was in the young woman's life.  He gave her things that no one else had.  He said things that no else ever said to her.  The young woman adores her older beau.  She is very appreciative of him and does her part to ensure that he will always be in her life.  However, the young woman can be too needy and greedy for her own good.

Often requesting her mature mate buy her things, the young lady doesn't do too much for herself like she once did.  She has grown dependent on her date to meet her needs.  Once the rich professional completes his date's list, she has created yet another for him to do.  By the time, the older man realizes how much he has done for his young partner, and for how long, he is already head over heels in love.

Some young women take advantage of older men because these men allow them to become dependent on them while encouraging greedy behavior.  They say things like, "Get whatever you like...do you need anything else?  Would you like to get another...?"  They turn the appreciative, stable-minded young woman into an ungrateful, moody brat who cries when she doesn't get her way.  To stop such behavior, one must teach or re-teach the young woman to become more independent.  She must build a life of her own especially if she has no plans on being with her older friend for always. 

The mature man might not want to keep the young woman around in the future, so it would make sense to begin to cut down or cut off the money and gifts being given to her depending on the status of the relationship and the agreement between the couple.

As with most May-December relationships, one will have to determine are the age difference challenges worth staying together.  The wealthy man must take control of the need and greed before it suffocates what contentment is left in the relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

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