If there is anything that I have learned from dating older men over the years, especially during my twenties, is that most of the time the connections are temporal. They aren't forever and always love affairs.
The men I met had issues. There was the wife, the children, ex-girlfriends, friends with benefits, a criminal past, and more. Several were controlling types and others were cool, too cool and really didn't care too much about anyone or anything. I must admit those that I did end up settling with all had the following common traits: straightforward (didn't beat around the bush about what they wanted), had jobs, dressed well, and enjoyed being entertained by me. Look I wasn't looking for much and that's what they appreciated about me. They didn't have to buy me either--a couple really couldn't afford to spend much, so I didn't expect much.
When the blogs were invented, they were god-sent, because all the information I kept secret, hurt about, wish I could have, should have, I could air out my grievances, the ups, downs, and advice I wished I had at the time when I was dating much.
Older men can make good friends, but what they can't do is be fathers to young women. I must admit that there was something within that I deeply desired from my own dad and sometimes the attention, affection, and spoiling they provided made me feel special. Every little girl has a time in her life that she wants her daddy to just love her for her! Daddies who don't do their part, unfortunately leave little girls out there--ripe for the picking. Some guy, whether older or younger, is going to pick from the tree. He might find a rotten piece of fruit on it too!
A while back, I wrote a non-fiction guide entitled, She's Crazy. It is a book that provides much information about letting go of crazy women. I really hope you take a moment to read and purchase this work. Feel free to share it with a buddy who is going through much.
Dating older guys is not as popular as it seems, there are many young women that avoid mature men. There are pros and cons to dating any man (irregardless of age), and some people have little tolerance for anyone who behaves in ways that go against their personal boundaries too.
Don't give up your moral compass for anyone or anything, stand your ground whenever you can and be certain that whatever they suggest you really want to do it. You can save a lot of time, energy, and preserve your youth if you don't settle for the guy or girl who is only 50% your type.
Shoot for that quality connection, they are out there!
Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy and other books.
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Sunday
Daddy Issues - Dating Older Men
As much as some of us women would like to avoid a certain topic about dating older men and the connection to our fatherless issues, it is a known fact. Is there a void that we experience when fathers don't act like they care or want to come around us daughters? Yes. Do we feel like we can fill our voids with some attention from older partners? At times.
When I look back at my dating experiences with older men, I have to shake my head. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't someone tell me that I was trying to keep myself from having to think about what was really hurting me on the inside? It was an absent emotional bond with Dad. He was often too tired to talk, too busy to visit, too angry to be good company, too this or too that!
I took my frustration out on others. I became angry, had moments in the past where I drank too much, shook my behind in the club (clothes on--thank God), made stupid decisions, etc. I argued with my older dates about things they couldn't do for me; at times I hated them for not knowing how I felt. Some days I wished to be with men my own age while I tried to bottle up my tears and act mature, happy...what was going on back then? A need to want to feel accepted by Dad I suppose. I wanted to hear that I was okay, appreciated, wasn't ugly, and was going places in life without a "...but you need to...you better..."coming from Dad.
You see, some of you dads might be wanting that connection to your daughters, but you just aren't getting it because you have no clue what to do and some of you daughters might want the same. Dad might have thought he did his part when his daughter was younger, but can I tell you, it doesn't stop! Communication is key to having quality relationships. A runaway daughter sees her runaway mid-life father pre-occupied with someone, possibly younger than her, who makes him temporarily feel good. Instead of working to heal a broken bond with his kin, he ignores her and vice versa. The daughter might be grown, but she wants to know that Daddy loves her. However, we have to face the truth that some men are incapable of love. They aren't interested in loving anyone. They are self-absorbed and see people as servants. They use and abuse. These toxic dads we have to grieve and let them go.
So if there is one thing I wanted to leave some of you readers with, is if you have a bond with a daughter maintain it and if you are a daughter stay cool with dad if you can. Fathers can establish a healthy bond with their daughters by making a phone call sometimes, sending a card in the mail or flowers, or share a message via a loved one (if she isn't speaking to you) "Dad cares."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of the upcoming book, Say Goodbye to Dad.
When I look back at my dating experiences with older men, I have to shake my head. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't someone tell me that I was trying to keep myself from having to think about what was really hurting me on the inside? It was an absent emotional bond with Dad. He was often too tired to talk, too busy to visit, too angry to be good company, too this or too that!
I took my frustration out on others. I became angry, had moments in the past where I drank too much, shook my behind in the club (clothes on--thank God), made stupid decisions, etc. I argued with my older dates about things they couldn't do for me; at times I hated them for not knowing how I felt. Some days I wished to be with men my own age while I tried to bottle up my tears and act mature, happy...what was going on back then? A need to want to feel accepted by Dad I suppose. I wanted to hear that I was okay, appreciated, wasn't ugly, and was going places in life without a "...but you need to...you better..."coming from Dad.
You see, some of you dads might be wanting that connection to your daughters, but you just aren't getting it because you have no clue what to do and some of you daughters might want the same. Dad might have thought he did his part when his daughter was younger, but can I tell you, it doesn't stop! Communication is key to having quality relationships. A runaway daughter sees her runaway mid-life father pre-occupied with someone, possibly younger than her, who makes him temporarily feel good. Instead of working to heal a broken bond with his kin, he ignores her and vice versa. The daughter might be grown, but she wants to know that Daddy loves her. However, we have to face the truth that some men are incapable of love. They aren't interested in loving anyone. They are self-absorbed and see people as servants. They use and abuse. These toxic dads we have to grieve and let them go.
So if there is one thing I wanted to leave some of you readers with, is if you have a bond with a daughter maintain it and if you are a daughter stay cool with dad if you can. Fathers can establish a healthy bond with their daughters by making a phone call sometimes, sending a card in the mail or flowers, or share a message via a loved one (if she isn't speaking to you) "Dad cares."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of the upcoming book, Say Goodbye to Dad.
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