Showing posts with label relationship problems. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship problems. Show all posts
Thursday
Is Not Listening to Tips, Concerns and Suggestions Contributing to Your Relationship Problems?
Intimate relationships were never meant to be handled like an
inactive suggestion box. So why do we do it? Why do we state our
every concern, suggestion, and problem to our partners only for them
to just sit in the suggestion box locked away. You may have a box at
work filled with all sorts of tips, concerns and problems to get the
company moving in the right direction this year, but you never bother
to open it or tell those in authority to open it. Why have a
suggestion box at work or at home and you never do anything with it?
At home we most likely don’t have a tip box, but we give our concerns and suggestions as we walk by one another, sit down at a meal, or in between commercials in front of the television screen. He hears you and you hear him, but what comes of the conversation, my friend? Do you plan, make changes and set dates to get things done? Does he strategize to do anything differently? The answer to these questions is most likely not, because if you did you wouldn’t have as many relationship problems as you do. Some of you wouldn’t post on sites like popular social networking site, Facebook, under relationship status “complicated.” Your concerns, suggestions, and tips have been falling on deaf ears for days, weeks, even decades. What will it take to make something happen in your relationship? What will you have to do to see to it that everything you and your partner discussed gets done?
The best way to teach someone is by example. If there is something he or she is doing that you don’t like, you have to be the example. You get out there and get the support you need for your own habits. You start making the changes on the outside and inside that will make you feel better about yourself. You put aside the money you need to get the tasks done around the house. You do whatever you need to do to send a loud and clear message, “I don’t have time to be sitting down waiting around for you.” For instance, when a person cheats although it is a heartless, evil way to send a message to the one they supposedly love, it gets results, doesn’t it? Either the couple will stay together and make some changes in their relationship or break away from one other while realizing what failed in their past relationship. Do I advocate such a cruel act to get results, no way! But what I am saying is that it takes something either good or bad to wake people up in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downward.
I personally have been a victim of cheating back in my twenties and early 30s and the person doing the cheating, but I realized the things I did and didn’t do early on in the relationship such as, when my advisors told me, “He’s not the one. He’s no good for you” and I chose not to listen. I also have been the one to attend church alone, the one who separated from my partners days, weeks, and months at a time until they behaved or the relationship ended, sacrifice jobs, stop drinking and going out clubs and bars, cut off certain toxic friends, rearrange the household to benefit everyone even though I didn’t want to, limit spending including not buying the latest fashions and getting my hair done at the salon, and the one who had to apologize and make things right when I was in the wrong. I could go on and on but you understand that the only way sometimes to achieve peace in the household is to make a sacrifice of some sort.
If you have ever been called hard-headed, stubborn, immature, or self-righteous and nothing major has happened yet in your relationship to get you to change, well just stay in it long enough and some serious changes are bound to happen within days, weeks or years of you reading this article. Why wait until something negative occurs in your relationship to influence you to change? Why not take the gentle reminders, the notes on the wall, the light-hearted talks, the recent arguments, the tears you recently witnessed from your mate to motivate you toward change?
Not only should we listen to our partner, but we have to do too! She wants you to fix something, take her out, buy her something, why not do it? He wants you to be cautious of your tone of voice, help out more, or watch your spending habits? Why not do it? You may already know what will happen if you don’t. Some of you women reading this are feeling threatened in your relationship by someone or something, you know why you feel this way. Because there is something you know you aren’t doing. Maybe you should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but chose not to.
Nowadays you are mentally and physically suffering staying in something you don’t really want. Maybe some of you men reading this should stop drinking, because you know how alcohol affects you. It’s only a matter of time that someone will end up in jail or dead due to your abuse. Maybe you are one of those workaholics that should really consider what your partner is saying when he or she says, “I need you.” Maybe you are a man reading this whose partner says, “I need your attention,” but you rather yell about who she is talking to on the Internet and that co-worker she talks about at work. Maybe all of us need to stop spending so much time on the Internet and spend more time with those we say we love while doing the things around the house we have been putting off for weeks. Ask yourself, “Is it too late? Am I willing to do my part to see this relationship through until death do us part or is it better I leave?”
“Life is too short” so the old adage goes. So with that said, you need to make up in your mind how you want to live your last days on this earth. Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or would you rather go off on your own and hopefully find someone who may be better for you? Whatever you choose, don’t let another year go by without making a decision.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
At home we most likely don’t have a tip box, but we give our concerns and suggestions as we walk by one another, sit down at a meal, or in between commercials in front of the television screen. He hears you and you hear him, but what comes of the conversation, my friend? Do you plan, make changes and set dates to get things done? Does he strategize to do anything differently? The answer to these questions is most likely not, because if you did you wouldn’t have as many relationship problems as you do. Some of you wouldn’t post on sites like popular social networking site, Facebook, under relationship status “complicated.” Your concerns, suggestions, and tips have been falling on deaf ears for days, weeks, even decades. What will it take to make something happen in your relationship? What will you have to do to see to it that everything you and your partner discussed gets done?
The best way to teach someone is by example. If there is something he or she is doing that you don’t like, you have to be the example. You get out there and get the support you need for your own habits. You start making the changes on the outside and inside that will make you feel better about yourself. You put aside the money you need to get the tasks done around the house. You do whatever you need to do to send a loud and clear message, “I don’t have time to be sitting down waiting around for you.” For instance, when a person cheats although it is a heartless, evil way to send a message to the one they supposedly love, it gets results, doesn’t it? Either the couple will stay together and make some changes in their relationship or break away from one other while realizing what failed in their past relationship. Do I advocate such a cruel act to get results, no way! But what I am saying is that it takes something either good or bad to wake people up in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downward.
I personally have been a victim of cheating back in my twenties and early 30s and the person doing the cheating, but I realized the things I did and didn’t do early on in the relationship such as, when my advisors told me, “He’s not the one. He’s no good for you” and I chose not to listen. I also have been the one to attend church alone, the one who separated from my partners days, weeks, and months at a time until they behaved or the relationship ended, sacrifice jobs, stop drinking and going out clubs and bars, cut off certain toxic friends, rearrange the household to benefit everyone even though I didn’t want to, limit spending including not buying the latest fashions and getting my hair done at the salon, and the one who had to apologize and make things right when I was in the wrong. I could go on and on but you understand that the only way sometimes to achieve peace in the household is to make a sacrifice of some sort.
If you have ever been called hard-headed, stubborn, immature, or self-righteous and nothing major has happened yet in your relationship to get you to change, well just stay in it long enough and some serious changes are bound to happen within days, weeks or years of you reading this article. Why wait until something negative occurs in your relationship to influence you to change? Why not take the gentle reminders, the notes on the wall, the light-hearted talks, the recent arguments, the tears you recently witnessed from your mate to motivate you toward change?
Not only should we listen to our partner, but we have to do too! She wants you to fix something, take her out, buy her something, why not do it? He wants you to be cautious of your tone of voice, help out more, or watch your spending habits? Why not do it? You may already know what will happen if you don’t. Some of you women reading this are feeling threatened in your relationship by someone or something, you know why you feel this way. Because there is something you know you aren’t doing. Maybe you should have ended the relationship a long time ago, but chose not to.
Nowadays you are mentally and physically suffering staying in something you don’t really want. Maybe some of you men reading this should stop drinking, because you know how alcohol affects you. It’s only a matter of time that someone will end up in jail or dead due to your abuse. Maybe you are one of those workaholics that should really consider what your partner is saying when he or she says, “I need you.” Maybe you are a man reading this whose partner says, “I need your attention,” but you rather yell about who she is talking to on the Internet and that co-worker she talks about at work. Maybe all of us need to stop spending so much time on the Internet and spend more time with those we say we love while doing the things around the house we have been putting off for weeks. Ask yourself, “Is it too late? Am I willing to do my part to see this relationship through until death do us part or is it better I leave?”
“Life is too short” so the old adage goes. So with that said, you need to make up in your mind how you want to live your last days on this earth. Do you want to live a life with someone who is willing to do whatever it takes to make your relationship work or would you rather go off on your own and hopefully find someone who may be better for you? Whatever you choose, don’t let another year go by without making a decision.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Monday
Wednesday
Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy Girlfriend, Wife?
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a ...: What is codependency? I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and control...
Thursday
If You Feel Bored in a Relationship, then You Should Stay and Think
If You Feel Bored in a Relationship, then You Should Stay and Think Don't be so quick to make a move just because you are bored. Article provides useful things to help you reach a conclusion whether it is indeed boredom or something else.
Tuesday
When the Young Woman is Rude, Restless and Miserable
The writing is on the wall, she isn't much interested in her older partner like she once was. The young woman talks rudely to him whether behind closed doors or in the public. She often feels bored in the relationship. In addition, her date has a good way of making her feel miserable when she is with him frequently complaining about something, acting critical of her, and showing well, his age.
The older man may not care too much about the way his lady friend feels since she still has sex with him every now and then. But in time, he is going to grow weary of his date's negative attitude and may end the relationship--that is if she doesn't do it first.
When the young woman reaches a point of no return in an age gap relationship, it's not so much that she hates the man she is with, but she is disappointed at the change that has taken place between them. Older men don't remain the same, they age and so do young women.
What use to be fun, unique and interesting a year or more ago may not be anymore for any number of factors between the couple. One would have to sit down with his or her partner to find out what has happened--that is if you still want to be in the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire also contributes to a dating blog here.
The older man may not care too much about the way his lady friend feels since she still has sex with him every now and then. But in time, he is going to grow weary of his date's negative attitude and may end the relationship--that is if she doesn't do it first.
When the young woman reaches a point of no return in an age gap relationship, it's not so much that she hates the man she is with, but she is disappointed at the change that has taken place between them. Older men don't remain the same, they age and so do young women.
What use to be fun, unique and interesting a year or more ago may not be anymore for any number of factors between the couple. One would have to sit down with his or her partner to find out what has happened--that is if you still want to be in the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire also contributes to a dating blog here.
Annoying Things Between Couples with Age Differences
If you didn't like your young date's annoying favorite song the other day, chances are many in your age group don't like it either. If you have an old guy who is a worry wart and reminds you of a protective father, most likely their are many young ladies in similar relationships who feel the same way.
There are annoying things that arise in May-December relationships that can be a tad bit bothersome or so bad to the point that you just want to end it all. But before you do some thing that you might later regret, think about some alternative ways to deal with those irritating issues.
Annoying music
Different generations, sometimes enjoy listening to different music genres--nothing wrong with that. So if your young partner's music is like nails on a chalkboard to you, then give your date some quality earphones and a player for all his or her favorite music while explaining how you feel. If you are in the car, you might not have any choice but deal with it unless your date doesn't mind using the ear phones for the trip. But family areas of one's home should be restricted especially when one needs some peace and quiet. It wouldn't be nice or respectful to play annoying music in the bedroom or in the living room loudly particularly when someone has indicated they simply don't like it, but selfish people will do just that.
Terrible tasting food
Sorry, but everyone just can't cook. What some might think is their signature dish could be making a date sick. If there has been repeated disinterest in your cooking or your partner's, make every effort to keep uncomfortable cooking situations at bay, get a professional to prepare it.
Electronic gadget fiddling
If he's not clicking the television remote, she is clicking away at her phone. The couple may leave little free time to enjoy one another. If the electronic use is really getting to you, try not using it during the times when you both would like to spend some quality time.
Different bed times
She might be a night owl and he might be an early riser or vice versa. The difference in bed schedule can really get next to you, so it would make sense to talk and make necessary adjustments.
Appearance/Style of dress
It may bother a mature man dating a young woman who dressed stylish and conservative at least in the beginning of the relationship, but now she wants to look more like a teenager. The young woman may hate the way her older guy dresses whether to old or way too young. But whatever the issue with appearance, it can grate on one's nerves particularly when a date is starting to lose interest in his or her mate. In the best interest of the relationship, listen to your partner, if nothing more. If the requests are ridiculous, seem very controlling, and you actually look worse than better, there may be some issues that your partner is having that go beyond the surface of just suggesting something that looks better on you.
Tradition versus non-tradition
Not everyone is into the holidays, family meals, holiday church attendance, and Christmas songs, when a partner has shared in a nice way or less nice and more emotional about not liking the traditional family get-togethers for one reason or another. Take heed. If you love tradition, go by yourself, who cares what they say. If your partner is more interested in peace and quiet around holiday time, respect his or her wishes. Holiday time is stressful enough without the added pressure of "Let's go to moms for Thanksgiving!" (sigh)
The previous mentioned irritation just skim the surface of grievances couples have when there is an age difference. Of course, not every couple goes through these things and many couples who are close in age have problems, but the key is to address each concern, reach a compromise, and leave the yelling, slamming doors, and silent treatment out of the relationship if you claim to care and love a partner so much!
Nicholl McGuire, see other work by this author here.
There are annoying things that arise in May-December relationships that can be a tad bit bothersome or so bad to the point that you just want to end it all. But before you do some thing that you might later regret, think about some alternative ways to deal with those irritating issues.
Annoying music
Different generations, sometimes enjoy listening to different music genres--nothing wrong with that. So if your young partner's music is like nails on a chalkboard to you, then give your date some quality earphones and a player for all his or her favorite music while explaining how you feel. If you are in the car, you might not have any choice but deal with it unless your date doesn't mind using the ear phones for the trip. But family areas of one's home should be restricted especially when one needs some peace and quiet. It wouldn't be nice or respectful to play annoying music in the bedroom or in the living room loudly particularly when someone has indicated they simply don't like it, but selfish people will do just that.
Terrible tasting food
Sorry, but everyone just can't cook. What some might think is their signature dish could be making a date sick. If there has been repeated disinterest in your cooking or your partner's, make every effort to keep uncomfortable cooking situations at bay, get a professional to prepare it.
Electronic gadget fiddling
If he's not clicking the television remote, she is clicking away at her phone. The couple may leave little free time to enjoy one another. If the electronic use is really getting to you, try not using it during the times when you both would like to spend some quality time.
Different bed times
She might be a night owl and he might be an early riser or vice versa. The difference in bed schedule can really get next to you, so it would make sense to talk and make necessary adjustments.
Appearance/Style of dress
It may bother a mature man dating a young woman who dressed stylish and conservative at least in the beginning of the relationship, but now she wants to look more like a teenager. The young woman may hate the way her older guy dresses whether to old or way too young. But whatever the issue with appearance, it can grate on one's nerves particularly when a date is starting to lose interest in his or her mate. In the best interest of the relationship, listen to your partner, if nothing more. If the requests are ridiculous, seem very controlling, and you actually look worse than better, there may be some issues that your partner is having that go beyond the surface of just suggesting something that looks better on you.
Tradition versus non-tradition
Not everyone is into the holidays, family meals, holiday church attendance, and Christmas songs, when a partner has shared in a nice way or less nice and more emotional about not liking the traditional family get-togethers for one reason or another. Take heed. If you love tradition, go by yourself, who cares what they say. If your partner is more interested in peace and quiet around holiday time, respect his or her wishes. Holiday time is stressful enough without the added pressure of "Let's go to moms for Thanksgiving!" (sigh)
The previous mentioned irritation just skim the surface of grievances couples have when there is an age difference. Of course, not every couple goes through these things and many couples who are close in age have problems, but the key is to address each concern, reach a compromise, and leave the yelling, slamming doors, and silent treatment out of the relationship if you claim to care and love a partner so much!
Nicholl McGuire, see other work by this author here.
Monday
Whose Whispering in His Ear, Her Ear?
A younger woman and an older man in a dating relationship is often critiqued by those who think he is too old and she is too young. The critic doing the questioning is often jealous or has been hurt in the past having been in a similar relationship.
The opposition against the relationship can be so stressful at times, that sometimes a younger woman or older man dating one another will cave under the pressure. He starts permitting his mind to be open to what an ex, mother, sister, brother, cousin or someone else says about his choice in a partner. The younger woman starts believing what the aunt, grandmother, or friend believes about her man's intentions. Before long, the couple lies in one another's arms with other people's concerns on their minds while distrusting one another.
The couple is also more likely to see the flaws in each other; therefore, one's attitude might be often negative. She becomes easily irritated with him. He starts focusing on all the things that make her wrong for him. Neither one truly sees the part that the outside forces have played on the relationship. She thinks, "It's him." He thinks, "It's her." No one bothers to trace back their negative emotions to that phone call with a jealous friend who isn't in any serious relationship or that mother who is jilted because her husband doesn't treat her so well. "Why do I feel this way?" The couple should ask. "It wasn't that long ago that I felt my partner was "the one," what changed over time? Who have I been talking and listening to?"
The sooner you take control over your emotional mood swings concerning the relationship, the better! Consider the source. When you find that the person you are spending time with encourages you to talk about your significant, cut him or her off and turn the tables around on him or her, "How is your relationship...what have you been doing lately?" Chances are they aren't too busy or too happy, because why would they bother to involve themselves in your personal business? After you know whose been aiding you negatively, the next thing you want to do is limit your conversations with this person or gradually cut him or her off when it comes to your personal business. You will also want to spend more time focusing on the positive regarding your relationship and work toward winning your partner's trust, respect, love, etc. If you don't back up your love with some action, unfortunately your relationship will be doomed to fail. Keep negative, foolish people out of your ear!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.
The opposition against the relationship can be so stressful at times, that sometimes a younger woman or older man dating one another will cave under the pressure. He starts permitting his mind to be open to what an ex, mother, sister, brother, cousin or someone else says about his choice in a partner. The younger woman starts believing what the aunt, grandmother, or friend believes about her man's intentions. Before long, the couple lies in one another's arms with other people's concerns on their minds while distrusting one another.
The couple is also more likely to see the flaws in each other; therefore, one's attitude might be often negative. She becomes easily irritated with him. He starts focusing on all the things that make her wrong for him. Neither one truly sees the part that the outside forces have played on the relationship. She thinks, "It's him." He thinks, "It's her." No one bothers to trace back their negative emotions to that phone call with a jealous friend who isn't in any serious relationship or that mother who is jilted because her husband doesn't treat her so well. "Why do I feel this way?" The couple should ask. "It wasn't that long ago that I felt my partner was "the one," what changed over time? Who have I been talking and listening to?"
The sooner you take control over your emotional mood swings concerning the relationship, the better! Consider the source. When you find that the person you are spending time with encourages you to talk about your significant, cut him or her off and turn the tables around on him or her, "How is your relationship...what have you been doing lately?" Chances are they aren't too busy or too happy, because why would they bother to involve themselves in your personal business? After you know whose been aiding you negatively, the next thing you want to do is limit your conversations with this person or gradually cut him or her off when it comes to your personal business. You will also want to spend more time focusing on the positive regarding your relationship and work toward winning your partner's trust, respect, love, etc. If you don't back up your love with some action, unfortunately your relationship will be doomed to fail. Keep negative, foolish people out of your ear!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.
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