It started off as a good idea, there was one, then two, maybe three older dates or younger ones in the past. But then, the feelings of shame, regret and other emotions started to grow and they wouldn't leave while some dated those half their age or older/younger. So he stopped dating youthful women and she stopped dating older.
Some of you reading this, may have had similar experiences dating older or younger and you have your share of regrets. But lately, you may have thought about doing it again. Be sure, be really sure this time! Hearts get broken so easily, time and money get wasted and in the end you find yourself back at square one (sigh). Like an interracial, same sex, mixed religious or political party relationship, the challenges will be there, yet love must conquer all!
There is a certain degree of shame that one might experience being with someone older or younger especially when appearances are a dead give away. Passerbyers will let their thoughts show up on faces that are not in agreement. Uncomfortable feelings will surface as you look at that younger or older partner standing, sitting or walking next to you. But one must fight those emotions if he or she wants to remain in a relationship.
The mature man isn't going to be as attractive as the younger men a woman might have dated the older he gets. And she isn't going to stay young and vibrant forever. Whatever the issue, just know that your date is a human being with feelings that grow like flowers--not a mindless sexy character on the Internet or in a video game.
If you are sincerely ready to date younger or older again, then know what is ahead and how you will respond to those trials, but tell yourself, "Running is not an option unless we simply have nothing in common." Otherwise, enjoy your new friend no matter the age and be open to love and change!
Nicholl McGuire author Laboring to Love Myself.
Showing posts with label regrets. Show all posts
Showing posts with label regrets. Show all posts
Monday
Your Issues, His Issues and Now Our Issues
So you thought you could be everything to him or her. You bought this person nice things. You made time to go with him or her here and there. You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night. "She is a bit off," you think. "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks. Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship. Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.
Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back. You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again. Immature people think in this way. People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this. Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!" Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?
You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook. Then there was the issues. Your date had some and you had your share. Then there were those issues you had together. With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly.
If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back. You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!
For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality. They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship. But where to start? A change of mindset, a reality check! Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want. If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be! Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it. But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.
Nicholl McGuire
Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back. You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again. Immature people think in this way. People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this. Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!" Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?
You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook. Then there was the issues. Your date had some and you had your share. Then there were those issues you had together. With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly.
If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back. You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!
For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality. They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship. But where to start? A change of mindset, a reality check! Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want. If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be! Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it. But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.
Nicholl McGuire
7 Moments in Life When We Make Stupid Decisions
Do you sometimes find yourself thinking about "What if I hadn't..." if so, you may want to think about what you could be doing now that may repeat a regret. Although this article doesn't specifically cater to younger women dating older men or vice versa, it does offer some thoughts about your present lifestyle and whether you believe it may be the right thing for you.
Sometimes we look back on our lives and notice how stupid we were for doing some of the things we did that hurt us and others. However, present situations may also be called stupid as well because for some of us, we still have yet to learn from the past mistakes. If we are careful about the timing when we are most likely to make poor decisions, we just might escape years of pain, confusion, resentment, bitterness, and other emotions we may experience as a result of our repeated failures.
So what are some periods of life that we are more vulnerable to making stupid life decisions?
Just before a breakup.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. She is no longer interested in him. Yet, the both still have some feelings for one another. So what do they do? Instead of leaving one another like they had hoped, they rather argue, fight, and do other things to keep emotions on high. They might even buy new furniture, a new car or truck, or make a financial investment together. As strange as this may seem, couples do this as a way to hold on to one another even though they know that the relationship has long expired. When they finally do break up officially, they find themselves in court arguing over their material possessions. The best thing to do is not buy, invest, save or do anything that will cost you later with a partner who no longer loves or trusts you or vice versa.
After a separation or divorce.
The first thing that most people want to do after being free from a bad relationship is to sit some time out, but never that long, before dating again. Then when they are ready to date again, they don’t necessarily go into slowly. They tend to rush to get their sexual needs met. Before long, they are on a pathway of break up to make up with a new partner. They also are very quick to accept this new person into his or her life without considering what their children from a previous relationship might think. They also don’t always handle all of their past business either, bringing drama into their new relationship. Consider taking care of any of your past business, so as not to bring it into any future relationships.
After becoming a parent.
Post-partum blues is nothing to take lightly! There is a lot of pain associated with giving childbirth and even more to deal with if the child is born with a health condition. Some people do fine with parenting, while others can’t deal with it. The crying, the financial challenges, family involvement, and more will send anyone over the edge. So it is best not to make any major life decisions at least a year after becoming a parent. This way you give everyone a chance to heal both mentally and physically and you allow for your partner to get readjusted to his or her life now that there is a baby.
Before a test or competition.
This is a regret that can easily be avoided if we just devote more time. It’s just as simple as that! Make the time to study or practice and you come out ahead. But what do some do, they stay up late cramming after doing other things during the day that aren’t as important. They spend hours chatting on the phone. They play Good Samaritan to other people when they should be at home hitting the books or out on the field practicing. The end result is low test scores that may lead to someone not getting into a college which just might affect this person for the rest of his or her life. Team members upset because a member failed to come through and now everyone is considered a loser.
When intoxicated from drugs and/or alcohol.
So we “got our party on,” as the street says, some years back and now we have memories from the past that come and go. For some of us, those memories may still haunt us. A person might think, “I should have never…I wish I hadn’t…” Some people seek professional help to make the pain go away, while others continue to abuse alcohol and drugs in the hopes that one day they will just find their peace in the grave. Anyone who is under the influence will make stupid decisions resulting in: bad health, lost jobs, family and friends, freedom, and more. Common sense says, “Avoid the alcohol and drugs.”
After having sex.
He made you feel better than any man you have ever encountered! She did things in the bedroom that made you feel like flying to the moon! Before long, you are opening a credit card line in your name for your partner, paying her bills, buying him gifts, and telling him or her how much you want to get married or have a baby! Unfortunately, what goes up must come down, and now some of you reading this are stuck in a marriage or have children that you secretly wished you never had. You have just given some of your best years to someone who is now undeserving of them. We make our beds then we try to fix them so they are comfortable enough for us to lie in them for the rest of our lives. You can continue to be in a relationship you don’t want until you are ready to go or you can make the best of it.
Soon after receiving additional monies.
Whether an opportunity or blessing comes in the form of a promotion, membership or a position of authority, some people are receiving more money, fame or power than they have ever had in their lives! It would make any of us feel real good—real special. However, what usually happens is that the ego is puffed up with all the flattering statements, “You are so smart…you are great…wish I had a son like you!” Before long Mr. or Ms. Ego is saying and doing things she has no business doing. The “Big Boss” may use the company credit card for things other then what is allotted. This person may give employees the pass on things corporate management would possibly fire him or her about. Sometimes leaders will be-little others or boast about their fortune. All of these things and more will catch up to “The Man…The Woman…” sooner or later. If you are a spiritual person, you know that you are to remain humble and obey your superiors. You also are to treat your workers well.
When we are experiencing moments in our lives such as the ones explained in this article, we should avoid making decisions that only require a simple yes or no. We should make the time to sit quiet and contemplate how our action or inaction might affect us and our family later. Is this a good time to end a relationship or start a new one? What might be the immediate impact? How might your decision to pick up and move somewhere affect you and possibly children long term? When do you think will be a good time to come back and re-evaluate your dilemma? What does your family think about your current situation and how might they help or hurt it? There are so many questions that we could think about each and every situation we are currently facing, but the point is a sudden decision without thinking about all of the details will cost you sooner or later. Think everything through!
By Nicholl McGuire
Sometimes we look back on our lives and notice how stupid we were for doing some of the things we did that hurt us and others. However, present situations may also be called stupid as well because for some of us, we still have yet to learn from the past mistakes. If we are careful about the timing when we are most likely to make poor decisions, we just might escape years of pain, confusion, resentment, bitterness, and other emotions we may experience as a result of our repeated failures.
So what are some periods of life that we are more vulnerable to making stupid life decisions?
Just before a breakup.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. She is no longer interested in him. Yet, the both still have some feelings for one another. So what do they do? Instead of leaving one another like they had hoped, they rather argue, fight, and do other things to keep emotions on high. They might even buy new furniture, a new car or truck, or make a financial investment together. As strange as this may seem, couples do this as a way to hold on to one another even though they know that the relationship has long expired. When they finally do break up officially, they find themselves in court arguing over their material possessions. The best thing to do is not buy, invest, save or do anything that will cost you later with a partner who no longer loves or trusts you or vice versa.
After a separation or divorce.
The first thing that most people want to do after being free from a bad relationship is to sit some time out, but never that long, before dating again. Then when they are ready to date again, they don’t necessarily go into slowly. They tend to rush to get their sexual needs met. Before long, they are on a pathway of break up to make up with a new partner. They also are very quick to accept this new person into his or her life without considering what their children from a previous relationship might think. They also don’t always handle all of their past business either, bringing drama into their new relationship. Consider taking care of any of your past business, so as not to bring it into any future relationships.
After becoming a parent.
Post-partum blues is nothing to take lightly! There is a lot of pain associated with giving childbirth and even more to deal with if the child is born with a health condition. Some people do fine with parenting, while others can’t deal with it. The crying, the financial challenges, family involvement, and more will send anyone over the edge. So it is best not to make any major life decisions at least a year after becoming a parent. This way you give everyone a chance to heal both mentally and physically and you allow for your partner to get readjusted to his or her life now that there is a baby.
Before a test or competition.
This is a regret that can easily be avoided if we just devote more time. It’s just as simple as that! Make the time to study or practice and you come out ahead. But what do some do, they stay up late cramming after doing other things during the day that aren’t as important. They spend hours chatting on the phone. They play Good Samaritan to other people when they should be at home hitting the books or out on the field practicing. The end result is low test scores that may lead to someone not getting into a college which just might affect this person for the rest of his or her life. Team members upset because a member failed to come through and now everyone is considered a loser.
When intoxicated from drugs and/or alcohol.
So we “got our party on,” as the street says, some years back and now we have memories from the past that come and go. For some of us, those memories may still haunt us. A person might think, “I should have never…I wish I hadn’t…” Some people seek professional help to make the pain go away, while others continue to abuse alcohol and drugs in the hopes that one day they will just find their peace in the grave. Anyone who is under the influence will make stupid decisions resulting in: bad health, lost jobs, family and friends, freedom, and more. Common sense says, “Avoid the alcohol and drugs.”
After having sex.
He made you feel better than any man you have ever encountered! She did things in the bedroom that made you feel like flying to the moon! Before long, you are opening a credit card line in your name for your partner, paying her bills, buying him gifts, and telling him or her how much you want to get married or have a baby! Unfortunately, what goes up must come down, and now some of you reading this are stuck in a marriage or have children that you secretly wished you never had. You have just given some of your best years to someone who is now undeserving of them. We make our beds then we try to fix them so they are comfortable enough for us to lie in them for the rest of our lives. You can continue to be in a relationship you don’t want until you are ready to go or you can make the best of it.
Soon after receiving additional monies.
Whether an opportunity or blessing comes in the form of a promotion, membership or a position of authority, some people are receiving more money, fame or power than they have ever had in their lives! It would make any of us feel real good—real special. However, what usually happens is that the ego is puffed up with all the flattering statements, “You are so smart…you are great…wish I had a son like you!” Before long Mr. or Ms. Ego is saying and doing things she has no business doing. The “Big Boss” may use the company credit card for things other then what is allotted. This person may give employees the pass on things corporate management would possibly fire him or her about. Sometimes leaders will be-little others or boast about their fortune. All of these things and more will catch up to “The Man…The Woman…” sooner or later. If you are a spiritual person, you know that you are to remain humble and obey your superiors. You also are to treat your workers well.
When we are experiencing moments in our lives such as the ones explained in this article, we should avoid making decisions that only require a simple yes or no. We should make the time to sit quiet and contemplate how our action or inaction might affect us and our family later. Is this a good time to end a relationship or start a new one? What might be the immediate impact? How might your decision to pick up and move somewhere affect you and possibly children long term? When do you think will be a good time to come back and re-evaluate your dilemma? What does your family think about your current situation and how might they help or hurt it? There are so many questions that we could think about each and every situation we are currently facing, but the point is a sudden decision without thinking about all of the details will cost you sooner or later. Think everything through!
By Nicholl McGuire
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)