How Does the Young Woman End Up with an Older Man a Lot Like Dad?

I never planned to date any men who acted like my dad, but yet I found myself in so many ways being attracted to older men who had some or as many of my dad's traits that I could find.  I realize now there were "triggers," things I might have liked, wished, or didn't like about my own father, but I didn't know this at the time.  On the surface, I could care less about dad's appearance, personal interests, etc. yet someone within me, cared a whole lot! 

When the need to want to be close to dad was there, it showed up in the mates I agreed to date.  I didn't seek out these men, they came to me which was quite bizarre just how much they reminded me of my dad.  So for me, if there is something that I like or I found missing in my life related to my father, I tended to gravitate to it.  However, as I mature, I am recognizing this and finding more healthier ways to cope since the truth is, I have no desire in the future to date any more men especially with a large age gap--five years tops!  I am married now and I see my dad in some ways.

1.  Skin Tone

It all started with skin tone, I personally like my own father's color, so if a guy was similar to his shade, I would be more open to talk to him then someone with a darker skin tone.

2.  Occupation and Hobbies

If the man had a background that was close to my dad's like a white collar job, military service, and hobbies that reminded me of him, he also got the VIP treatment.  (Mind you, at the time, I didn't knowing that my criteria in meeting someone was based on my dad's lifestyle).

3.  Age

I realized that most men who are older are more settled.  I didn't experience any hurt growing up such as, a father who ran the streets like a young man, partied, concerned about "his boys" or acted wild.  Yet, my experience with younger, unsettled men was just that.  They were often uncaring and wasted money.  My dad and other older men I knew didn't do this, so the age gap was a plus for me.  However, I had a strict upbringing, so I felt comfortable with controlling types which caused me much heartache with one older man.

4.  Travel

What was strange was I really wanted men who got out and explored their local areas and elsewhere, yet I kept giving many dates the pass on this who didn't get out much!  I would eventually get frustrated with these men.  When I reflected back, my dad didn't leave the home to do recreational activities or vacation much either.

5.  Communication

I found that when I talked with my dates, I often over did it and I wondered why.  I felt like sharing so much of myself with these men.  The truth was that at home with my own father, we rarely talked and he spent much time on off days staring at a television screen.  So of course, where did I find I had most of my conversations with these dates?  Seated next to them while they watched TV with no eye contact.  They didn't seem to care too much about what I said, just like my dad.

If you should find that there is much going on with a date that is somehow connected with father blues or daddy issues, know that the young lady really can't help herself.  Her dad dropped the ball.  She still has more maturing to do so that she can find someone who she likes that doesn't consciously or subsconsciously remind her of her dad.  This comes with being exposed to men at work, school, church, and elsewhere.  She doesn't have to date much, but she will need to establish friendships in an effort to learn what she likes or doesn't like in men while breaking the wish for having a relationship with her father.  Sometimes talking with dad about issues helps quell some childhood woes too.  Also, a simple hug can do wonders.  But what I will not advise is taking advantage of the wish for daddy's communication, affection and more, becoming like a dad to her.  That relationship will soon fizzle especially when she begins to bond with her dad. 

As for the young lady, continue to learn more about yourself and your needs and when you recognize you are choosing a mate based on what you did or didn't have with a dad, think deeply and be sure it is a healthy connection.

Nicholl McGuire

Young Women for Older Men ( youngerwomenwitholdermen.com ) My Story

The reality: Being lonely and dating as a poor girl

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

Here's a good example why you should do more observing and less talking when you date a rich, older man, you might learn a thing or two like his lifestyle is incompatible with yours.

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

Dating Stubborn Men: Personal Experience

They are hard of hearing. You have to tell them repeatedly what you want and even with all the requests, they either still don’t do what you ask, do what they feel like doing, or only do things partly. They are the biggest excuse makers and defenders of their own faults using statements like, “I didn’t know…no one told me…I would have done...but…there wasn’t enough time…You should have told me…I never said that…I never told you that…You are wrong.” Everyone else is always to blame. When they are approached with an error, they look around and say, “Who me?” Who else would it be? Stubborn men should live alone.

I know there are just as many stubborn women too, but if there is any truth to the old adage, "Opposites attract" then what kind of woman is a stubborn man attracting? One who isn’t like him that’s for sure. I have personally dated just about every one of my opposites in my short life including stubborn, unmovable, unshakeable, may I add, angry men. After awhile if you date long enough, they all start acting and sounding the same. “I’m not like your last boyfriend,” they say. Yeah right.

So here’s a list of things that I noticed about these knuckle-headed men. I understand why they are handsome and still single. They were acting stubborn with the last woman, and now here they are available to me.

Children from a previous relationship

You may tell him what the boundaries are with the ex and he may tell you his, but then you notice some behaviors that are obviously inappropriate whether it is how he talks to his children or what he says or does with the ex regarding the children. Either way, if he can’t get it through his thick skull to stop what he is doing, you will have to resort to some serious measures. Whatever you do, don’t do anything that will cost you your freedom or put you on your back in a hospital somewhere.

Now let’s say his stubborn behavior has nothing to do with the children, but how he reacts to your ex. Maybe you don’t want him to be too friendly or, too distant, whatever the case may be, he needs to act in a way that is also in the best interest of the children. Too friendly with the ex, could cause problems for you in the courtroom one day if your man should happen to tell your ex something he shouldn’t know. Acting too distant will also cause a problem, because he will say that he has every right to know who will be around his children. You will need to find out what kind of relationship you both will have with the children’s father or mother that will bring you both peace. This is not the kind of situation where being stubborn is okay, it may cost you your children, so stress that to this man's hard head!

Yours and his children

You tell him that it would be better if he handled the children in certain ways regarding caring for them and providing for their basic needs, and he starts behaving like a teenage girl who was told someone doesn’t like her hair. “This is my way,” he says. “Let me do it…” Meanwhile, the children are spoiled rotten because he still hasn’t let go of the child who is almost two that he still rocks to sleep. The other child who will soon be three who still receives presents like it’s his birthday every day, while the other children just watch.

You give him some tips on how to get something done faster, easier, or with less headache and heart ache and he doesn’t want your advice until he has spent hours on a project that could have been done in 10 minutes. Can we say, stubborn!

Communication

So you decided to sit down and talk with your man friend about the things that bother you in your relationship. He seems willing to listen to your gripes, complaints and praises. So he tells you what is on his mind about you, but rather than his complaints sounding reasonable they are looking more and more like attacks, because he didn’t like what you told him. After years in a relationship, suddenly he is telling you things that you never knew bothered him. You come away from the conversation almost heartbroken because the certain food you cooked, the way you clean the home, care for the children, shop etc. was all wrong. This conversation was not two adults talking; instead you may have said something that rubbed him the wrong way and now he is on attack mode. I learned to ignore the snide remarks, eye rolls and heavy sighs. The things he really has a problem with you will know about it the instant you do it, just look at his face. As for the other things, he lived with it then and didn’t leave you; he can continue to live with them. Chances are if you go back to doing these “sudden complaints” he has, he won’t say one word and that’s how you know he was full of you know what!

Time

Stubborn men think they have all the time in the world. They go about their days taking their time doing everything without regard to deadlines. It’s rare that a stubborn man will show up on time for the things that matter to you. You will try to tell him how important certain things are to you and he will just act as if he is listening while doing what he wants to do which leads me to the next point.

Doesn’t follow instructions

When you provide him with a list, you can almost bet that he will not buy what is on the list. When you ask him to do something around the house, tell him about a certain store, ask him to help you with something, or offer to go to the store with him to shop, he will find excuses so that he is in control at all times. He wants to spend the money his way, he wants to buy what he thinks you want, and he wants to go without having to listen to you and the children and so on. Notice it is always his wants first and maybe he might think about everyone else.

Stubborn men are also selfish men, they appear as if they are men of service, but the reality is they don’t like doing much of anything. But just so that they don’t have to hear your mouth, they will do just enough to appear as if they are so “nice, so kind.” But if you have been around them long enough, they are just stubborn.

They are right, you are wrong

You have made plenty of good points, suggestions, and ideas. You are often right and the stubborn man knows this, so he will look for an opportunity to say, “You are wrong.” You might not have been wrong, but he is getting tired of you being right. You were right about the children, the relationship, the money, and other issues and so he doesn’t want to accept any more responsibility for his own action or inaction that has caused problems for you and him in the relationship, so his quick rebuttal to everything is, “You are wrong.” The truth of the matter is he was wrong for getting involved with someone thinking that he never had to compromise even a little bit of his stubborn ways.

Selfish

Earlier, I mentioned that stubborn men are selfish. Let me further explain. Stubborn men and selfish men are birds of a feather they flock together. Stubborn men stick to their ideas, beliefs, principals, etc. no matter how bizarre, ridiculous, simple, foolish, or harmful. Here is an example of a stubborn man doing something that will cost him his relationship and material possessions. His former wife tells him that he is behaving in ways that is causing her to think that he is cheating on her. He tells her that he isn’t cheating. But he continues not to be available sexually, emotionally, and oftentimes disappears without telling her where he is going, when he will be back, or even offer to take her along for the ride. His idea of a good time when he isn’t out running the street is seated in front of the television barely touching any of the food she has prepared in the refrigerator. He doesn’t show her any affection except on those few occasions they have had sex. She tells him how his behavior is causing her to think about divorce and dating again. Rather than, acknowledging the damage by his actions and inactions that have contributed to her feelings of insecurity, lack of love, and appreciation, he continues to do these things anyway. This is a stubborn man who is also acting very selfish. Even more bizarre, this stubborn man will confide in his friends and tell them she is to blame. Meanwhile, the friends don’t know the truth; therefore, they will side with him and give him the kind of advice that would be shared with a man who wasn’t stubborn and he will try to implement something that he doesn’t understand nor does he know what to do with, because he can’t see his true self. He is the problem. But if he assess the situation from the outside looking in honestly, he will try to make a difference. As for the selfish man, he may act just like the stubborn man, but the problem with him is he isn’t going to even try to look at what he could be doing to cause the demise of the relationship. Either way, both men need to find whatever they need whether counselor, book, teacher, or foe to help them learn from their negative behavior.

By Nicholl McGuire

What Does a Young Woman Really Want?

These are just a few things I thought I would share with the men who happened to stumble upon this site seeking some perspective about the way younger women think.

The first point is just because a younger woman is not questioning your whereabouts and oftentimes acts nonchalant about your activities away from her, doesn't mean she can be played. Some older men might have gotten use to their former wives or girlfriends questioning everything they did, because those women didn't know how to establish lives of their own. However, this doesn't mean, "Well my young girlfriend doesn't care what I do as long as I give her money." Just like a woman your own age or older we care, we just don't make a big deal about what you are doing since we know that at any given moment when we are tired of your lies we can drop you and find someone who will appreciate us whether that man has a head full of hair and zero body fat or overweight and balding.

The next point refers to one's intelligence. Although there is a significant age difference, that doesn't mean the young woman is a fool. She may not know much about your era and may have little or no experience with your educational and/or career background; however that doesn't mean you can't talk to her or share a bit about yourself. It also doesn't mean that she can't hold a conversation with the best of them.

Another point I would like to make is that young women need love and security just like an older woman. Why is it okay for an older woman to say, "I need a man who makes a nice living..." but when a young woman says that she is deemed a gold-digger not every woman is with an older man because of money. It is a nice perk, but when the lights go off and you are ready to go to bed, she wants to know do you love her.

In closing, not every young woman has the kind of daddy issues that she needs a sugar daddy. An older man may say the things she wished her dad would have said back in the day like, "I love you...I care about you..." However, there are many women that are operating in this world with a healthy mindset and could care less how often their own dad said I love you or even came around for that matter. She doesn't need a father, like some women sing about in songs and write in poems, she needs a man! And unless you can be that man that will be the shoulder she can cry on, offer some advice, love her, and make her feel like a woman, you might want to check whether you are an older man with mommy issues, a need for a daughter, or in a mid-life crisis.

Nicholl McGuire
http://lovepoetrybynicholl.blogspot.com

A Foolish Older Man and His Younger Girlfriend

He was a tall, handsome guy. The crows feet around his eyes and his balding head was no problem for this young woman in her early 20s. He was in his early forties and divorced. He had an eight year old child. The couple met at a night class. He commented on how attractive she was and she blushed.

The young woman was seeing someone at the time, but the relationship was rocky considering that her young partner was in jail at the time. She didn't see a future with him, so the older man represented the foundation she needed in her life at least for the moment.

They talked about their college experiences, they had fun going to nice restaurants, and they were actually head over heels in love with the idea of being in love. However, it wouldn't be too long before he started acting foolish.

She was in her dorm room one day studying and received a phone call. It was her older man friend. He was downstairs wanted to come up to see her. She met him downstairs but didn't like his red eyes. She interviewed him on the way up to her room while riding the elevator, "What were you up to?" She asked. "Oh just hanging out with the guys and thought I would stop by." She was thinking he should have never showed his face looking obviously drunk. "Did you have to come over looking like this?" He laughed and proceeded to kiss her with breath smelling like a bar. They reached her dorm room and he started small talk about his experience with the guys what this one said and what that one did. She wasn't amused. She wanted him out her room. He wasn't ready to go. He played with her, hugged on her and tried to stick his penis in her. She wasn't interested told him no and repeated it several times. Fortunately, he got the message when she got a bit aggressive. He wasn't in any position to fight. He was drunk. She told him he had to leave. He said he would call her later.

The next day he was very apologetic. She lost all respect for him. It was too easy to dismiss him because he was older and younger men were presently in pursuit of her. She reasoned, "Why bother with a balding old man when I can be with a younger one who probably would respect me and my space."

As the old saying goes, "No Fool like the old Fool."[1732 T. Fuller Gnomologia)

by Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/datingdramas

The Older Man Syndrome

What are our views on dating someone who is about ten and more years older than us? Is it an issue we focus on? Is age the issue or do we look at the mechanics of the man involved?

In my philosophy of thinking, age is just a number. It doesn’t attach itself to any man thing, or importance. There are mature men at fifty, and there are immature men at sixty. Where does that leave us?

I dated a man who was eleven years older than me, and it was great for the moment. The man had wisdom all over the place. It got to a point that he was taking his wisdom and running all over the place with it, and driving me to drink. I was truly in need of a Matai and then some.

The fact that he was so much older than me he thought he had the key to the world and then some. He treated me like I was his daughter, and he was my father. We also have to realize that a man who is ten years older than someone is under the assumption that he’s the king of the castle, and you will worship the ground he spit on. I think not!

My man was living in the 21st century, but he was still hibernating in the prehistoric days where the dinosaurs ruled the world and then some. He had this concept that men were still the chief at arms, and when I say do something, or don’t do something, you obey, follow, and give me the respect I deserve and then some. I knew at this precise moment that my man was going to be my eliminated man.

Now don’t get me wrong because my man had some perks which attracted me to him, but the issues of being the dominant factor in the relationship bordered on the ridiculous and then some.

1. No one told me what to do because I was truly a grown woman.

2. There were no masters and kings in this day and age.

3. The man and woman are on equal levels.

4. Respect is given and received.

5. You are not my father, and I am not your mother.

An older man is stuck in his ways and this is an understatement thank you very much. He was built with these factors, and no amount of loving, good sex, convincing and persuading will change his mind. It was going to be his way, and if you think that you can change a man, then forget about it. No amount of anything would change his mind. If you gave him one million dollars, you still wouldn’t be able to float his boat around to your thinking. It was truly out of the question.

My concept on older men is that they are wiser in the ways of the world, but they have their faults just like men my age, and younger men. Older men are more established in their employment, and money. My man had just retired from the CTA, so he was bent on doing some of the things he loved doing, but couldn’t do because he was working. Of course my retired man got exhausted, and he ended up going back to work on a part-time basis.

So would you date an older man? I think it depends on the man and not the age of the man. It also depends on the level of your competence in this relationship.

1. Are you willing to handle an older man and his faults?

2. Are you okay with his domination?

3. Are you contented with him treating you like a child, or his daughter?

4. Can you live with his prehistoric ways?

5. Is he sweet, loving, and kind, and you can over look his faults?

6. Do you love him?

7. Does he love you?

8. Is the relationship going anywhere?

9. Is marriage down the line?

10. Does he treat you like a queen?

If you answered yes to most of these questions, or all of them, then your older man is worth it and then some. Forget about his mindless ways, and celebrate the loving he brings to your relationship. Remember age is only a number, and what do we really care about numbers? Sisters we want the love of a good man, and older men bring it on. I think I can handle you.

By Carol Ann Culbert Johnson
I am 43 years old, and my passion is writing. I love it. Please check out my website at http://www.freewebs.com/jcarolann and enjoy the ride

Be Patient: You'll Find Him or He'll Find You

When I started dating older men back in my twenties, I had no idea what to expect. I was unaware of the male midlife crisis. I knew nothing about andropause. These were all hormonal related issues that men went through and I didn't know that I could possibly be a product of their mid-life crisis.

Anyway, I wondered what to expect dating men with thinning hair, grey hair sprouting from here there and everywhere. It was an adjustment every time I dated an older man. Like men, I too am a very visual creature and I had to put aside my personal hang-ups and see the man for who he really was -- a human being, period.

The mature men I met were really no different than the younger men except that they were more stable in their finances, moved a little slower, seemed to hold an intelligent conversation, and really seemed to be into me. I didn't have to worry too much about the wandering eye and the short attention span of a younger beau.

As I learned more and more about these older men, at times I was impressed with their knowledge and other times I felt that I acted more mature than they. I met my share of irresponsible older men, the kind who acted like they had it together, but in reality they didn't. The older women had pushed them out of their lives and now they were desperately seeking anyone who would put up with them. Those men were such a disappointment. I would think, "You decided to reach 40 plus years and act like a fool! You still have nothing to show for your life." In time, I learned more about the mid-life crisis that older men faced and it wasn't any wonder that some was looking for anyone and anything to make them happy.

So what do I want young women to know about older men? Well I say plenty on this blog, but for now one thing you need to know is to be patient.

That's right be patient in any and everything you do when involving yourself with a mature man. If you don't have much dating experience, you will find that he can easily do things to make you feel like he is the best thing since slice bread; however, one day in the midst of feeling in love, his emotions can come crashing down, leaving you feeling broken and depressed asking, "What happened? I thought he loved me!" Some of these men are only in love with the idea of being with a young woman, but not committing to her for a lifetime. Besides if you are a beautiful, energetic woman who clearly has a life and he is the total opposite, he knows that eventually you will meet someone better than him, so he will attempt to end the relationship especially if you aren't acting that interested in him.

Know what you are getting yourself into when seeking out a man half your age or more. He is coming with years of experience and baggage. You may admire his intellect at first, but later it may grow on your nerves because he knows so much more than you. There are times that you might question whether you are with this man because you have some kind of daddy hangups. Maybe daddy wasn't in your life, he didn't seem to care about you, he didn't love you and so fourth. If this is you and you look to your older man to fulfill the role of your dad, then you are headed for trouble! No man can or will replace the love of dad, no man!

When you are ready to take your relationship with an older man to the next level, do heed the advice of the women and men around you. Chances are they all grew up around the same time. So they have a pretty good idea what his mentality may be like particularly if he had a dad in his life. As the old adage goes, "It takes one to know one." The men "back in the day" are much different than the men of today. Women were not as independent as they are nowadays. A man who saw his dad and mother interact from yesteryear, may expect you to be the docile, submissive wife. If you know you couldn't ever be docile or submissive then pick a man your own age or one who can accept you for who you are.


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/nichollmcguire

Dating an Older Man or Woman With Mixed Feelings and Doubts?

Someone who is 10, 15, 20 or even 30 years older than you has expressed romantic interest. However, lately you have had some mixed feelings about dating them, how do you deal with your doubts and be at peace with your decision to date, stay in the relationship or end it?

Meet Nadine, she was 21 when she met Dalton 31. He seemed to have his life very much together as compared to some of the guys she met her own age. However, Nadine and Dalton came from different worlds. When Dalton was a child, men were very domineering over women and when Nadine was a child every woman she ever knew was independent. Their worlds began to collide. Dalton expected Nadine to listen to him and follow his instructions about cooking and keeping the house clean, take his suggestions on how to dress in front of men and most of all how to communicate with him without using slang and curse words. Dalton mentioned to her one day he thought she was rather young and they didn't have many common interests, but there was nothing more said about his statement. He avoided bringing the age difference issue up to her again, because he definitely didn't want to break up with her at least not right then. On the other hand, Nadine wasn't sure she could continue to look at Dalton's receding hairline much longer while he gave her his suggestions about how she should act. She also grew weary of sitting at home watching Dalton's selection of classic movies on weekends. Both of them continued to see one another despite their differences; however, they were considering on breaking up with one another secretly.

Although Nadine's complaints seem trivial, she is use to doing things with people mainly her own age and she socializes with very youthful and attractive people (who haven't lost their hair at least not yet.) On the other hand, Dalton works around many people his own age and doesn't see anything wrong with "teaching" Nadine. Despite their conflict over age differences, they get along at times, but they are silently grappling with the issue.

Before you decide to date, propose, marry or break up with someone much older or younger than you, be sure to write down all of your concerns. Don't just think about how you feel about him or her presently, but how you may feel about them in the future. What is important to you about another person's personality and physical attributes may not be so important to everyone else. The decision you reach should be one you are comfortable with not one someone else tries to convince you to make. Some people may tell you how great it is to date someone older for wisdom, wealth, growth and other reasons that seem logical. However, you may have a problem with the way he or she looks, talks to you or treats you out in public. Others may tell you how wonderful it is to date a younger person, because they don't have as much baggage, they are exciting and youthful, yet you may find their conversations are annoying or discover they are completely the opposite of what you expected. Avoid going into a relationship or continuing one with heavy doubts. If there is a small voice telling you he or she is not the one, listen to it. No matter how reasonable or logical someone's advice may sound, go with what gives you peace of mind.

Being with someone who is older or younger is very similar to dating someone interracially. People will stare and comment. Your own family may be critical and tell you what they think of your mate. You will have to be prepared to stand strong in the face of opposition if you really want your relationship to work. Some ex-spouses will attempt to make life difficult for you (and use the children if you have any.) They may be jealous, angry or even still in love with you depending on how you broke up with them. Know how to handle them, so that your new mate will not feel insecure or want to leave you.

Questions you may have not thought about are as follows. Consider asking yourself the following and acting on your response. It is best to know what you want and how you feel about the relationship before you fall too deeply in love.

Before You First Met

How would you describe your life before meeting this older or younger person? This question is important to answer. For instance, some people who are in their 40s could have recently came out of a relationship with someone who was about the same age and found he or she to be rather boring, tired, miserable, or depressed. As we know the older you get the more likely hormonal changes occur, unexpected aches and pains and other body challenges. Sometimes hormones will motivate desires to have every facet of one's life be changed such as ending a long term marriage, selecting a younger more exciting mate, quitting his or her job and traveling, buying a sports car that one cannot afford, exercising obsessively, dressing younger or taking a deep interest in having a baby or caring for babies. Some people later regret their decisions because they realize a visit to the doctor's office and a prescription could have kept them from making life- altering changes. Maybe the problem wasn't with their previous mate; instead, he or she may have had mental issues.

Another thought you may want to consider, if you are younger, is how was your relationship with your mother and father growing up? Do you find there is a pattern in selecting mates older than you? There are young women who are very much in need of a father figure and will confuse that need with their desire to date an older man. If she had no male influence growing up or her own dad didn't seem interested in relating to her, she may look for qualities in an older man to compensate for what she lacked in childhood. An older man who may be aware of this behavior may want to consider what role he will want to play in her life: good friend, lover, god father, acquaintance or all of the above.

Some older men have desires to have someone care for them particularly if they never had a daughter. There may be a reason why for some of you, you are consistently seeking younger women. Think about your past relationships, did you find yourself tempted to teach, correct and instruct your younger mate? Do you find you can control a younger woman or "get away" with certain things you couldn't with a woman your own age?

When You First Met

This younger or older mate definitely had something about them that drew you to them, what was it? If you find there is nothing more than physical qualities, sex and/or money, then you can be sure the relationship will be challenged. There has to be more than these attributes to make you want to be with him or her. What is it you like or dislike about he or she? What is it that your mate likes or dislikes about you? Will you be able to deal with these differences long term?

Physical Characteristics

As we all know beauty comes and goes, will you still find him or her attractive in the short and long term? What happens when he or she is ill, pregnant or disabled and not looking his or her best? Have you centered the relationship on appearance and showing him or her off to the public for attention? A man or woman with a fifty-year-old body doesn't look like a man or woman with a twenty or thirty-something year old body? Will you be able to handle a body aging? If you are older, are you confident enough in the way you look that you won't give your younger mate a hard time when you see them around people many years younger than you? If you are younger, what are your feelings about gray hair, balding, protruding bellies and varicose veins?

Personality

There will be those moments when you may say something that will reveal your true age. It may be a story about how you grew up, what kind of music you like, how old your parents are or something reminding your mate how old or young you are. How do you feel when you have conversations with your mate and how does he or she make you feel? Do you find him or her uninteresting? Do you feel more comfortable around people who are your own age? How do you think your feelings will affect your relationship in the future? As discussed earlier, hormonal changes will also come to challenge the relationship. For men, will you be able to handle a future pregnant woman's moodswings, menapause, or PMS? As for women will you be able to deal with male mental and physical issues?

Finances

When either a younger or older mate has wealth, he or she may be very generous or protective of it. They may not know what your motives are for being with them. How will you respond to their concerns? Do you have your own personal wealth you can be proud of? Will your mate object if you work, don't work, own your own business or go back to school? Do you expect your mate to assist you? Have you discussed how much you make, what kind of bills you pay and how much they are and if you can afford to help one another? Can you both afford to travel, eat out at restaurants and enjoy other forms of entertainment? All of these questions are important because our interests are a big part of our lives, if you want to do things together, you don't want money to be an issue later in the relationship.

Relatives

Your family will also reveal how old you are as well. Her sister maybe twenty years old and yours may be forty years old. Your mate may not have too much in common with her potential sister-in-laws and vice versa. Don't anticipate the family will love your mate, because they may not. Instead, they will question, "What does this younger woman want with my son? Why is this old man going out with my daughter?" They will discuss motives amongst each other and eventually talk with you as to what they suspect is your mate's reasons for being with you. Don't fall into the temptation to believe what you hear unless there is proof from your mate that tells you otherwise.

Children

If you had children or are thinking about not having any, then your younger mate needs to know this. Don't cover up how you really feel by saying, "Oh maybe one day." The truth will later reveal itself and when it does it won't help your relationship. If you are serious about not wanting children, state the truth. If you have children from a previous relationship, tell your mate. There are consequences whether you tell or don't tell. Avoid hurting your mate anymore than you have to by being honest and allow them the opportunity to make a choice whether to continue a relationship with you. If you would like to have children one day, be sure your mate knows, but don't try to convince him or her she will be a good father or mother, let them think about your plans and reach a decision on their own.

Death

This should concern anyone in any kind of relationship. The day will come where we will all die. Think of the person you are with and include them on your insurance policy. You don't need to tell them what you have done. However, if they choose to be with you for the rest of their lives and you are many years older, you know the days will come when they will most likely have to care for you. Don't leave your mate or children with any financial burdens. Plan how your wealth will be handled once you are gone.

Although the information in this article is very detailed for a relationship that may not have started yet or is just beginning, it has provided you with a glimpse of what you will have to consider in the future. Re-read it. Make your decision to date someone older or younger wisely, not out of lust, selfish gain, curiosity or some other trivial reason.

When Young Women Love Older Men

There are older women in circles right now discussing why men in their age group go for younger women. They are usually angry, jealous, and bitter about the fact because they know that once they reach a certain age the pickings for men get a lot slimmer. This is why some older women will
not move on or be content being alone. They will hold on to their unavailable ex, date a player, put up with a drunk, and use drugs with an addict or anything else just because they are so desperate to keep a man even when he doesn't want them anymore. So when a younger woman comes along and the older man divorces his wife for her, cheats on his older girlfriend for her or does something else to be with her, some of these older women act like old fools!

The younger woman isn't to blame in most cases unless she deliberately went after an unavailable, happily married man. However, usually these older men are unhappily married, living separate from their wives, divorced, or dating other women but just haven't found one to date exclusively yet. Whatever his issue, his wife's issue or his ex's issue, the point is the young woman has now fallen in love with him.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash

What does she feel when she is in love with her older man? What does her action or inaction in the relationship with him look like? Let's answer these questions.

Since every woman is different it's hard to provide specific details as to how she feels about him, but there are some basic things to look out for if you intend to make the relationship a happy one. Because she is younger, she doesn't usually have as much life experience as you. Depending on her age, she may have just moved out of mommy and daddy's home and is beginning to start a life of her own free of authority figures. So if you come along and try to tell her how to live her life like a parent, then she can very easily fall out of love or lust with you and the idea of ever dating a man older. She will then settle with someone closer to her age. However, if you act more like a friend and encourage her to live independently and enjoy her life, then she will eventually find her way to you because you are not stifling her from being the kind of woman she is destined to be.

Some younger women fall deeply in love with older men because her father didn't show her the kind of love she wanted as a child. He may have been absent, physically abusive, or mentally unaware of her existence because he was too busy working. Just imagine, here you are this wonderful, kind older
gentleman with your arms open wide and she will not hesitate to jump in them and look to you to be a father that she never had. Now this isn't always the case, some younger women had great relationships with their dad and wish to be with men who have similar attributes as their father. If their dad was hardworking, took great care of the family, honest, and church-going, then she may expect the same from you. This kind of thinking is not only with young women who date older men but any woman dating any man of any color, age, race, or creed.

When she truly loves her older man she will want to do everything for him and be the kind of woman he adores. This concept is no different if she was with a man the same age or younger. A woman who is treated with respect, admired, loved, and appreciated will react just like a man who feels the same way. She will go out of her way to make him happy when she is in love. However, if she isn't she will grow distant and will start to think of what she may have missed out on by not being with a man her own age. Her family, if they notice that she is not happy in the relationship, will encourage her to break up with the older man and find someone more age appropriate for her. This is why some older, controlling men try to keep the family out of her life because they want to be the only ones who have power over her. Unfortunately, their plan of control usually backfires.  As the young woman ages, she (who was once blind) begins to see and realizes that the older man is just not for her.

Younger women can be a blessing to older men especially when these men reach an age where they can no longer care for themselves. However, they can be a curse to those who mistreated them in their youth.  The older man and younger woman who have a quality relationship will get to experience the joys of life whether emotionally whole or broken, rich or poor, or sick or well.

An older man tends to have the best of both worlds when dealing with a younger woman (that is why his friends tend to envy him and may even hate on his relationship), he can be free to relive his youth again while knowing that if his partner is sincerely in love with him she will see to it that he is taken care of for the rest of his life.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  She also is the owner of Nicholl McGuire Media.

When Young Woman Dates Older Men

I didn't anticipate meeting a man decades older than me, but it happened not just once, not just twice but many times. Some were married, others were single, and others I don't know what were honestly their status. At first glance I didn't notice the gray hair, the crows feet around the
eyes, or the age marks, all I saw was a man that appeared to be easy on the eyes. I didn't begin to notice details until after getting to know these older men and seeing them more frequently. Depending on how much I liked the older man's personality, determined how noticeable the signs of aging appeared before my eyes. If he was married, it seemed that all flaws seemed to get bigger by the minute. I think that my conscious was letting me know you definitely don't want to get mixed up with an unavailable man. I think they must have felt my disinterest because then the smooth talk would be sure to follow. "I never met someone quite like you. You are special. I am having problems in my marriage and I will soon be getting a divorced. You are worth leaving my wife for you." It all seems so flattering until the reality sets in that the unavailable man is giving nothing more than lip service.

Other older men I have met have been available, so much in fact, that there were those that watched me like a hawk and didn't let a day pass without calling, or asking to spend a night or two during those days before marriage and children. It wasn't that I didn't like this men, I just wasn't interested in the pressure to have sex. It seemed as if some of these men had given themselves a deadline to sleep with "the young woman" so that they could eventually parade me around in their older circles. I remember one man who told his best friends about me and the minute the opportunity arose to show me off, he practically sped over to his friend's apartment. When we arrived, they looked me over, chuckled and said, "Where did you get her from? How nice!" Their eyes scanned me over like they couldn't wait for him to say, "I don't want her anymore, but you can have her."

I did meet my share of nice, older men, the kind that wanted to marry and have children, but I just couldn't connect with them. It wasn't that we weren't compatible, but I was in my early twenties and settling down to get married and have a family was not in my plans. One guy was a
winner, the kind of man that most any woman would consider a perfect gentleman, a great husband, and an exceptional dad. My heart ached every time I didn't return his phone calls. I literally couldn't get serious enough with him to start a relationship.

While walking with my older dates, I received the stares from older women, heard the comments from younger men, and dealt with my own share of embarrassing issues like, "Can you give this to your dad?" I would respond politely, "He's not my dad." As a result of my dating experiences, I have penned a book about this subject entitled, He's Not My Dad by Nicholl McGuire which will be available online winter 2009.

Am I proud about my past dating life? Not really, simply because I don't think it should have to take so long and so many to find someone compatible. I personally believe if you know what you want early on in life (and your needs are not impossible to meet,) take good care of self and finances, set boundaries prior to dating, and have a supportive team of people around you who have morals, you can't go wrong. I unfortunately made a lot of mistakes in all of these areas. That is why I feel the need to give back to humanity for every heart I broke, for the continuous healing I need for my heart that others wounded, and most of all to help young people keep from falling in the same traps I fell into during my early 20s. For more about my struggles and how I overcame, order my books on Amazon.com.

In closing, I would like to add I did learn a lot from older men. Here is a bit of wisdom you may want to think about:

I learned with older men everything that glitters isn't gold.
Just because he is older doesn't make him smarter.

I realized many men play games regardless of the age and usually one popular game involves juggling more than one woman sometimes there can be as many as four or five.

I found when you love yourself, you send a powerful message that you can't be played.

I noticed an older man's family members or friends usually make your welcome into the inner circle hard because many are unfortunately jealous of your youth, beauty and the way you make him feel.

Lastly, confidence is supreme and when you exhibit it without forcing it, or trying to be something you are not, respect soon follows.

Other articles by this author about older men and younger women:

What to Expect When Dating an Older Man

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1879107/what_to_expect_when_dating_an_older_pg2_pg2.html?cat=41

Daddy's Love and Your Man's Love
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1075891/daddys_love_and_your_mans_love_what.html?cat=7