She Was a Child, He Was a Man

I never thought in a million years that my mom would lift up the liner of my purse and see many letters from a young girl about 13 written to me.  The girl was my best friend.  She was going through a tough time back in '86.  Dad was no where to be found, mom was often working, and my friend had a lot of time to hang out.  Me, I had no time to spare, my parents didn't believe in me spending anytime over friends' homes or they coming to our home, nor was I allowed to ride on buses or chill on street corners, parking lots or malls.  Phone calls were limited and so was afterschool events.  So back then, before Internet, there was much letter writing between friends.


I knew that things were beginning to take a different turn for my good friend when she started mouthing off to our teacher back in elementary school.  The guy was nice and more patient than most teachers.  I was thinking at the time, "What was up with her?"  The rebellious student had a lot on her mind.  I knew her secrets, but I didn't know just how bad they could affect her personality, but I could never tell--I promised.


My friend had met a guy who was 21 years old that same year.  She had been lying about her age for a long time.  I thought it was strange at that a young man was interested in her.  I mean she was attractive and had a build that didn't look like a teen, yet  I could see how young she looked in the face, but I guess the older guy didn't seem to notice or didn't care.  I really wished he had taken a better look at her between all the makeup she wore and simply told my flirtatious friend, "You're too young Sweetheart and moved on."  But the letters never revealed he rejected her, rather he seemed to be taking advantage of her and I mentioned some things in the hope that she would get some help.


For many months, she confessed how she felt about the guy.  "I love him...he's so nice," she would say.  She talked about how he liked her and bought her things.  She said she really wanted to be with him.  At some point, her mom detected she had a boyfriend.  However, in time she knew he was older, but hadn't pressed the issue about her daughter breaking up with him.  I thought it was bizarre back then that mom seemed not to care.  But looking back, the man most likely was giving the mother some money or helping the family out in some way.


I hated keeping my friend's secrets, I eventually did throw those once hidden letters away at the request of my mother, they started becoming more and more graphic.  The girl would share her experiences and I being a faithful friend just couldn't divulge her secrets.  I was 11 years old at the time.  My friend's life wasn't the least bit innocent.  As I read each letter, I felt like a piece of my own childhood was evaporating. 


When I reflect on the day that my mom found those many letters, it was freeing in some way even though I was quite scared that she might do something.   I was so glad not to carry my friend's burdens anymore.  That was her life and her mother was going to have to deal with whatever she permitted her daughter to do.


By the time that school year ended, I don't really know what happened to my friend.  The last I heard, she was going to a different school.


Nicholl McGuire 

Barely Legal - Older Guys Dating Teenagers?

Are you an NBA fan? If you watched the playoffs, then no doubt you saw the T-Mobile commercial where Charles Barkley is constantly calling D-Wade. Hilarious stuff, particularly when Chuck inanely spouts, "That's why I don'teat shrimp."

Well, despite all the marketing hype in the Seduction Community about pulling the youngest hotties possible (especially if you're an older guy), that's pretty much how I feel about dating eighteen or nineteen year old girls, even if they are "legal".

And for those of you who might be assuming that this is all a function of my current age, I've pretty much viewed the universe this way since I was 21, with a few scattered exceptions

Not coincidentally, you see, at 21 years of age is when a guy in the United States (like me) can finally order a beer.

It's not that the younger girls aren't often really, really hot...you and I both know they are.

The deal is that they're unnecessary.

As I see it, I can find a woman who is at least 21 who looks every bit as intriguing as any 18 or 19 year old. And then, I can take her A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E I want.

Otherwise, her restrictions become my restrictions. And I've been through with being relegated to "Teen Night" at the local club for over twenty years now.

Think of it...they are teenagers, after all.

They are barely through high school, let alone college. This means that there has not yet been any chance to cultivate the necessary level of independence and maturity that most older guys invariably demand.

Now if you're 30 and still living in your Mommy's basements, all bets are off. Disregard the previous statement.

But otherwise, my educated guess is that most guys of any advanced age beyond 21 probably only THINK they want "barely legal" girls in their rotation.

By using the word "rotation" above, I'm telegraphing the raw fact that I'm too squeamish to think that any older guy out there is seriously talking about making a teenager his steady girlfriend.

In fact, here it is: I really think that the vast majority of guys who think they want to date teenage girls are in that frame because they can't get them.

Simply put, the fantasy is clearly better than the reality.

Beyond the matter of social restrictions and maturity level, there are yet two other factors that are arguably even more significant.

First, if you are at all interested in any kind of long-term relationship with a woman, dealing with a teenager is the proverbial "box of chocolates".

How many teenage couples do you know who have broken up by age...oh...21, because the "grew apart". With real-life experience comes real change in priorities and even personality itself.

Further, how do you know your 19-year-old girlfriend is going to look great at 30?

You don't.

Recently I was interviewed for an upcoming product for older guys on how to date younger women. The guys producing it are well-known, but I hadn't yet had the chance to meet them when they approached me.

Suffice it to say they got a unique perspective.

Ultimately, I'd much rather find a woman closer to my own age who still gets carded. That way, you get the hot, sexy little vixen of your dreams...all with the added benefits of social commonality, emotional maturity (we hope) and the blessed assurance that this woman will most likely continue to age well.

Apart from online dating, where everyone's stats are pinned to their respective profiles, the main challenge to me always boiled down to actually identifying the kind of women I'm talking about.

After all, we don't walk around with a cartoon bubble full of stats over our heads in real life.

But my very real, "field-tested" premise is that there are women around us wherever we go that look and seem far, far younger than their age.

Humorously, most such women I've met report that they get hit on mostly by guys many years their junior, who are shocked to find out their real age. Meanwhile, these same women are flat-out craving to be approached by guys their own age, who are largely assuming they are "too young".

The ironies abound, don't they?

So what of this?

You've just got to have the guts to meet them and find out, that's what. The problem is that "approaching" equals "pickup" to virtually every guy out there.

Meanwhile, if I'm friendly and start an unloaded conversation with even the fresh-faced girl behind the check out counter at the grocery store, I may find out she's actually 28. But this will only happen if I can get outside my own head, drop the "agendas" and stop seeing every single interaction with any woman as "pickup".

Oh yeah, I mentioned there were two other important factors, didn't I?

How's this...how do you really know your "18 year old" is 18? If it takes the potential of handcuffs and iron bars to make the point, so be it. You don't want to be the guy who finds out his new girlfriend is only 16 or 17 after the law says it's too late.

By the way, don't count on meeting her parents as proof of age. A shocking number of them are more than happy to help her "protect" you from the truth.

Scot McKay's character-based dating and seduction strategies for men are found at: http://www.thechickwhisperer.com Stop by right now and Scot will personally send you a FREE 8-part mini-course ($47 value) when you sign up for the X & Y Communications Newsletter. Also be sure to check out The Chick Whisperer podcast on iTunes.