Ever wonder what you, your mate and others really think of the younger woman with the older man? Putting aside everything you have been told or what you have seen when it comes to relationships like this, could you sincerely be honest, fair, and even encouraging when it comes to dating an older or younger partner or befriending this type of couple? Depending on your age, how secure you are about yourself and your own relationship, and dating experiences will determine how you truly feel about a younger woman dating an older man.
You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren't alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.
Let's begin with the first. What do young women and older men really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find that because of the age differences there are some very interesting subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment. Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion, ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any other couple who may be the same age or closely matched.
A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another's future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let's say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.
The popular question of "what will my friends think" may cross the couple's mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn't want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner or end the relationship without what seems to be good reasons. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends' opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn't want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as "sexy, fun or good for you!"
A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks. Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple's former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative's taste in a man or woman. They may ask, "Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren't you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don't you think she is too young?" The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn't like their mates because they were "too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible." When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.
The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circles by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.
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Friday
Independent Woman: A Blessing & A Curse
Oh, how could it be that an independent woman could be both a blessing and a curse!? Well nowadays this is just what she is. You see, to an older man who grew up during a time when many women depended on a man to be both the breadwinner as well as drive the family from point a to point b, he is use to seeing men be the head in the family. So he may think that he should take care that his partner is never without money and/or his service. However, independent women of our present day actually frown on relationships like that. They wonder what is wrong with a woman who relies on a man to drive her around or requests money from a man. "She can do those things herself!" They cry. Sure, but if the partnership is working, who are we to judge?
When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man. However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse. The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home. Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too! Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships! Too many leaders anywhere can create problems.
Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it. There are both young and older men who take notice too! Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead. I could use her to help me get where I want to be." This is where being independent can also be a curse. A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted.
Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another. If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that. If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.
Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.
There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women. They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement. An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women! He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think. Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all. She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!
Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman. As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks.
Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work! Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!" An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit. The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?"
Remember a young woman and an older man come from two different mindsets, possibly cultures, ethnicities, and the like. Neither should expect to dance by the beat of each other's drum without giving up something. The problem is an older man who is set in his ways isn't about to listen to someone younger and possibly inexperienced unless he sees some benefit. A younger woman most likely had problems listening to her father or some other older male relative growing up, so the last thing she wants is another father figure.
Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.
In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or naïve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older. But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant. Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.
Nicholl McGuire
When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man. However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse. The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home. Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too! Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships! Too many leaders anywhere can create problems.
Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it. There are both young and older men who take notice too! Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead. I could use her to help me get where I want to be." This is where being independent can also be a curse. A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted.
Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another. If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that. If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.
Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.
There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women. They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement. An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women! He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think. Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all. She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!
Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman. As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks.
Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work! Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!" An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit. The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?"
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Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.
In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or naïve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older. But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant. Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
You Wanted that Nice, Sexy...Now You Got It!
Oh boy, did you ever...! "You got that nice piece of $%^?!" one of your boys says as if he doesn't believe it. You are just smiling from ear-to-ear about that special man or woman in your life. The world has stopped spinning and all you hear anymore are birds chirping. You and your younger partner have isolated yourselves. You both have a "me and you against the world" mentality.
So you thought I was going to say, "But..." right? Of course, there is a "but." But, it's for your own good, boss, dad, college student, retiree or divorced. You know these titles will make or break this kind of relationship if you or she isn't comfortable with them.
Where do you go from here, mature man? One of you or both should be asking this question, because anyone who has ever been in a relationship always comes to this point. So it might as well be you who is reading this. How will being in a relationship with your younger partner benefit you in both the short and long-terms? Or, is there really any long-term? You have heard the experiences of people in these kind of dating older/dating younger relationships. Are you conducting yourself in that "full speed ahead until we crash into a wall" fashion in this relationship?
What about your career and/or educational goals? Is there room in this relationship for that? What about a possible pregnancy? Do you really think aborting would be the best option or keeping the child? How will your partner fit in with your family? Do you make enough money if you are retired to help your younger partner?
Love blinds us. Reality awakes us. We can use every cliche in the book to make us feel at ease with what we are doing in our personal lives, but seriously mature man, we (both men and women of all ages) all need a voice of reason just in case that special someone breaks our heart.
Sure, your taking it slow, but then again maybe not if you already had sex with her. Sure, you will come to that bridge when you get there. You may already be there if she has been sharing her feelings about you. Don't wait. Talk about the things that matter when it comes to your intimate relationship with your younger woman and those who care about her. She (and they--you know her family) just might still respect you in the morning.
Nicholl McGuire
Join on Twitter@datingdramas
So you thought I was going to say, "But..." right? Of course, there is a "but." But, it's for your own good, boss, dad, college student, retiree or divorced. You know these titles will make or break this kind of relationship if you or she isn't comfortable with them.
Where do you go from here, mature man? One of you or both should be asking this question, because anyone who has ever been in a relationship always comes to this point. So it might as well be you who is reading this. How will being in a relationship with your younger partner benefit you in both the short and long-terms? Or, is there really any long-term? You have heard the experiences of people in these kind of dating older/dating younger relationships. Are you conducting yourself in that "full speed ahead until we crash into a wall" fashion in this relationship?
What about your career and/or educational goals? Is there room in this relationship for that? What about a possible pregnancy? Do you really think aborting would be the best option or keeping the child? How will your partner fit in with your family? Do you make enough money if you are retired to help your younger partner?
Love blinds us. Reality awakes us. We can use every cliche in the book to make us feel at ease with what we are doing in our personal lives, but seriously mature man, we (both men and women of all ages) all need a voice of reason just in case that special someone breaks our heart.
Sure, your taking it slow, but then again maybe not if you already had sex with her. Sure, you will come to that bridge when you get there. You may already be there if she has been sharing her feelings about you. Don't wait. Talk about the things that matter when it comes to your intimate relationship with your younger woman and those who care about her. She (and they--you know her family) just might still respect you in the morning.
Nicholl McGuire
Join on Twitter
When the Younger Woman Awakes to What She Really Wants...
She sits across the table from you and looks at how your physical appearance has changed since those early days she first laid eyes on you. You may have noticed how she too has changed. As much as she wants to look beyond physical appearance, it can be difficult. She sees younger men and notices things about them that compliment her age. Meanwhile, she relies heavily on her feelings for you to keep from fantasizing too long about her younger counterparts.
An awakening has taken place in the young woman's life that makes her question, "Why am I really with this older man?" Sure, she may have articulated some years ago the basic things like, "love and security." But as she matures, she realizes there is more to her decision-making when it came to being in a relationship with you. Depending on how she has been impacted by you over the years, will determine whether she will stay or go.
Trying to figure out a younger woman with an older mindset might be tricky. You see, there are some women who don't care too much about age until it starts affecting how she sees herself and what she wants out of the relationship. When age differences play a part in her younger world that she may not have noticed some years back, look out, because she just might not stick around if she no longer sees any benefit when it comes to dating an older man. "Did I start dating him because I thought he had money? Did he give me a home when I was down and out? Was he there for me when no one else was? Do I want marriage and a baby?"
Younger women want providers, father figures, protectors, mentors, and other related titles in their older men. Sure, some will say, "No, I just want a nice man." But seriously, look at her background and you can easily determine what she really wants in an aging man with few too many exs and adult children. You will need to put yourself in her shoes for a moment particularly if the relationship is suffering. If you have been with her for some time, have you been all that she ever wanted or did you fail like say, her daddy or favorite uncle?
If the father daughter relationship was a good one, then she just might be in the relationship for other reasons that have nothing to do with this article. The courtship may continue to go strong as long as you are holding up your end of the bargain. However, if the father daughter relationship was negatively impacted, chances are she is hoping you will continue to fulfill the void (especially when it comes to love)-- that is until she has her awakening.
Going back to the beginning of this article, youth drives some younger women's awakening experience. The very thing that may have drove you to her may drive her away from you to someone else. You wanted excitement, beauty, and personality, and she will want that too. Ask yourself this, "Do I exemplify what she really wants in a man her age? Does she really want me for me?"
Nicholl
An awakening has taken place in the young woman's life that makes her question, "Why am I really with this older man?" Sure, she may have articulated some years ago the basic things like, "love and security." But as she matures, she realizes there is more to her decision-making when it came to being in a relationship with you. Depending on how she has been impacted by you over the years, will determine whether she will stay or go.
Trying to figure out a younger woman with an older mindset might be tricky. You see, there are some women who don't care too much about age until it starts affecting how she sees herself and what she wants out of the relationship. When age differences play a part in her younger world that she may not have noticed some years back, look out, because she just might not stick around if she no longer sees any benefit when it comes to dating an older man. "Did I start dating him because I thought he had money? Did he give me a home when I was down and out? Was he there for me when no one else was? Do I want marriage and a baby?"
Younger women want providers, father figures, protectors, mentors, and other related titles in their older men. Sure, some will say, "No, I just want a nice man." But seriously, look at her background and you can easily determine what she really wants in an aging man with few too many exs and adult children. You will need to put yourself in her shoes for a moment particularly if the relationship is suffering. If you have been with her for some time, have you been all that she ever wanted or did you fail like say, her daddy or favorite uncle?
If the father daughter relationship was a good one, then she just might be in the relationship for other reasons that have nothing to do with this article. The courtship may continue to go strong as long as you are holding up your end of the bargain. However, if the father daughter relationship was negatively impacted, chances are she is hoping you will continue to fulfill the void (especially when it comes to love)-- that is until she has her awakening.
Going back to the beginning of this article, youth drives some younger women's awakening experience. The very thing that may have drove you to her may drive her away from you to someone else. You wanted excitement, beauty, and personality, and she will want that too. Ask yourself this, "Do I exemplify what she really wants in a man her age? Does she really want me for me?"
Nicholl
Tuesday
On Ending a Miserable Relationship
A man tells a woman that he is in love with her, wants the
pair to move in together, and promises to marry her and have children with his
special lady one day. The woman is
excited about the future. She tells her
friends just how much her new man has made her happy. The two plan dates on when to move-in
together and discuss a future date for a wedding. It all appears normal, right?
As the relationship matures, the couple begins to notice things about one another’s personalities that turn them off. The man is easily angered over small things like how his partner organizes things and how often she visits with her family. The woman isn’t happy about the way her mate talks to her when he needs something and isn’t fond of how he smells. In time, the little issues grow into bigger ones and the two break up. The former couple moves on with their lives.
During the process of breaking up, like the couple described previously, many individuals don't do anything about the anger still within after disputes. Communication might have left one another feeling disrespected. Offensive comments said by relatives and friends might have caused conflict. Bad relationships don't end up on any road toward forgiveness. Unfortunately, future daters coming along don’t know about the rude awakening that is sure to come when one is still not over his or her ex or other past partners.
As the relationship matures, the couple begins to notice things about one another’s personalities that turn them off. The man is easily angered over small things like how his partner organizes things and how often she visits with her family. The woman isn’t happy about the way her mate talks to her when he needs something and isn’t fond of how he smells. In time, the little issues grow into bigger ones and the two break up. The former couple moves on with their lives.
During the process of breaking up, like the couple described previously, many individuals don't do anything about the anger still within after disputes. Communication might have left one another feeling disrespected. Offensive comments said by relatives and friends might have caused conflict. Bad relationships don't end up on any road toward forgiveness. Unfortunately, future daters coming along don’t know about the rude awakening that is sure to come when one is still not over his or her ex or other past partners.
Ending a miserable relationship is not something that
happens easily when feelings are still apparent between the pair, but it can be
done successfully if one doesn't fall back into the arms of the one who is
hurting him or her.
1. Find some time to
be alone. Ponder on the things that have
made you so unhappy in the relationship.
2. Talk with loved
ones about how you feel in the relationship and consider their advice.
3. Don't spend much
time with a partner you are strongly thinking about breaking up with, this will
only cause confusion. You want to be
clear with him or her that you are unhappy.
4. Expect your date
to act ugly during this time when you both aren't getting along, so be sure you
safeguard your personal possessions and you alert necessary parties about a
crazy ex.
5. Whatever you do,
don't play the make up to break up game because you will only prolong the break
up process.
6. As much as you
want to believe someone has changed, the change he or she claims is
temporary. Most people are who they are
and can't easily go from being a mean-spirited person to a sweetheart overnight
unless their rage was substance induced.
Working toward a happy ending for you is the best way to end
a relationship. You are no longer
thinking of "We" but "I."
You recognize that a miserable connection is not what you want and so
you do what it takes to free you of your mistake.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, She's Crazy, and Laboring to Love Myself
Monday
Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them
The smitten older man does what he can to draw the young lady into his arms and then when things get a bit stale, holidays show up, or requests are made to spend more time together, he grows cold toward his partner. The young woman thinks the older man is something special until relationship challenges show up. These people who fall out of love (lust) quickly, charm and then grow distant are difficult to be in relationships with--they will not remain committed for long. The holidays can motivate some couples to behave this way especially if they have a long history of breaking hearts or being heartbroken.
What is it about those who love others then leave them? Do they really want committed relationships? Sometimes they do, but they don't want to take a look at their personal pain, heal from it, and move on to a quality relationship. For some, they are simply too tired, lazy, self-absorbed, or emotionally wounded to bother. They don't examine the influences around them growing up, they don't address the trauma they have gone through, and they often believe themselves to be right even when they are wrong in the way that they treat people.
Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad. Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back. Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them. In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.
Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships. They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live. If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger. Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.
Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act. However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever. You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:
1) You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2) You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3) He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4) Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5) You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you. The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time. Could you do that without me?"
7) Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad. Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back. Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them. In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.
Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships. They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live. If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger. Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.
Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act. However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever. You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:
1) You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2) You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3) He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4) Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5) You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you. The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time. Could you do that without me?"
7) Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Tuesday
Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger
There are life lessons to be learned the hard way when it comes to dating older and younger. Some things you simply don't learn by someone cautioning you, you end up discovering why they warned you in the first place much later in life. You most likely heard the following:
"She is just too young for you. What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?" Life lesson: She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.
"He is too old for you. Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?" Life lesson: He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child. He doesn't care much what the child does.
"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?" Life lesson: She is so immature. What was I thinking?
"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!" Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.
Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance. There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.
So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time. He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older. She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger. What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.
The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship. He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it. He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did. The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient. She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances. Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you? Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"
No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do! You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age. He is so mature for his...not like those other guys." Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship. You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives. You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated. You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks. A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers. There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts. An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.
You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom. Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met. The excuses get old. Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines. If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again? If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth? Why are you in a relationship again?
Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together. This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in. It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.
Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.
"She is just too young for you. What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?" Life lesson: She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.
"He is too old for you. Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?" Life lesson: He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child. He doesn't care much what the child does.
"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?" Life lesson: She is so immature. What was I thinking?
"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!" Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.
Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance. There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.
So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time. He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older. She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger. What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.
The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship. He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it. He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did. The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient. She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances. Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you? Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"
No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do! You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age. He is so mature for his...not like those other guys." Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship. You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives. You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated. You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks. A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers. There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts. An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.
You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom. Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met. The excuses get old. Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines. If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again? If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth? Why are you in a relationship again?
Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together. This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in. It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.
Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.
Sunday
10 Things Younger Women Want from Older Men
There are older men who would love to be in a relationship with a younger woman; however, they don't do their research before getting involved in a relationship with a younger woman so when issues come up they don't know how to fix them. An older man can be the best partner for a younger
woman if he knows what she wants, but for some younger women immaturity keeps them from expressing their needs which makes it difficult for an older man to understand her.
Here is what younger women want from older men. You will notice that the things they want are no different than any other woman. You can take these tips and apply them to any woman any age.
One. Young women don't want to be caught off guard.
If you are a man in your thirties, forties, fifties even sixties you have a history that is probably a lot more interesting than your younger companion. Therefore, you need to be doing more talking and she needs to be doing more listening. If you don't share the details of your past that you know at some point will be a concern in the relationship later on, then you might as well expect her to exit. Like older women, younger women don't want to be caught off guard about the marriage their older man never got a divorce from, the child by another woman he never bothered to explain, the jail time he served, or the parents he may have said died but are still very much alive.
Two. Young women want to make their own decisions without little input from their man.
Some older men assume because they have been around the block they know more about life. That may be true, but just because you "been there and done that" doesn't mean she won't want to proceed with her plans without your advice. Rather than take on a father figure role, let her find out some things about life on her own. This doesn't mean let her harm herself or another, but what this does mean is if she has a strong urge to make a decision she feels will help her in her career, mentally, physically, or in some other way then let her do it!
Three. Young women would like to be loved, cared for and treated with respect.
Some older men think that because they have been burned in the past, it's okay to play games with the younger women. They reason they are too young to know what's going on anyway. Of course, that is foolish thinking and you just might hurt the wrong woman and find yourself sorry for the
rest of your life it's better to just treat her like you want to be treated.
Four. Young women may want commitment.
This isn't a cardinal rule for some, because they may not want to be married to you or anyone. But for most women, they want a commitment. They need a commitment! They want to know that you will one day marry them and if you know that is not what you had in mind then you need to communicate that as soon as possible.
Five. Young women may want children.
Once again, not a cardinal rule, but some women desire to have a family with the one they love. Now if you have children already and don't plan to have anymore, she needs to know that. Otherwise, if you don't tell her, you may fall into a situation where you just might be a daddy whether you like it or not!
Six. Young women don't want to be the other woman.
Some women may start off telling you, "I don't mind being a friend with benefits." However, that kind of thinking will change especially if the sex is good! A younger woman who is knocked off her feet by good sex will make you her potential husband in her mind even though you may be thinking otherwise.
Seven. Young women would like to learn something new from their older men that they can't get from their peers.
If others have deemed you an intelligent, wise kind of man then you need to put your knowledge to good use. Tell her some interesting things about your life, share with her your dreams and aspirations, and explain to her about things she may not understand. Teach her how to invest her money wisely, give her things that will stimulate her mentally, and most of all praise her when she learns something new!
Eight. Young women want financial security.
This may be a turn-off for some older men, but it's a reality, young women want a man with some cash! If you have some and aren't generous with it, then she will be turned off and she may exit just like an older woman would. Because she most likely knows already what being financially
broke feels and looks like and she doesn't want to go down that path again. A man her age in a not so distant past may have taken more from her than gave her; he may have lied about money, or hid it from her. But whatever he did, she doesn't expect you to do it because you are older and she thinks you should know better!
Nine. Young women want maturity in their relationship.
She may not look mature or act it, but when it comes down to serious relationship issues she wants a man to be focused on the relationship not on a dinner and movie experience all the time or some trinket of jewelry to pacify her. Most young women enjoy having fun with their older companion, but when it's time for "the talk" they want to be heard.
Ten. Young women want what their father failed to give them as a child.
Experts will tell you that many young women have had a bad history with their father and often look to older men as a kind of father figure. No matter how true this statement is, older men will have to determine whether the younger women in their lives are with them for love or for something else.
As mentioned earlier, this list can be used not only for educating oneself on the needs of younger women, but older women as well. Anyone entering into a relationship is expecting something so with information such as this you should be able to determine whether you can fulfill a young woman's needs or not.
woman if he knows what she wants, but for some younger women immaturity keeps them from expressing their needs which makes it difficult for an older man to understand her.
Here is what younger women want from older men. You will notice that the things they want are no different than any other woman. You can take these tips and apply them to any woman any age.
One. Young women don't want to be caught off guard.
If you are a man in your thirties, forties, fifties even sixties you have a history that is probably a lot more interesting than your younger companion. Therefore, you need to be doing more talking and she needs to be doing more listening. If you don't share the details of your past that you know at some point will be a concern in the relationship later on, then you might as well expect her to exit. Like older women, younger women don't want to be caught off guard about the marriage their older man never got a divorce from, the child by another woman he never bothered to explain, the jail time he served, or the parents he may have said died but are still very much alive.
Two. Young women want to make their own decisions without little input from their man.
Some older men assume because they have been around the block they know more about life. That may be true, but just because you "been there and done that" doesn't mean she won't want to proceed with her plans without your advice. Rather than take on a father figure role, let her find out some things about life on her own. This doesn't mean let her harm herself or another, but what this does mean is if she has a strong urge to make a decision she feels will help her in her career, mentally, physically, or in some other way then let her do it!
Three. Young women would like to be loved, cared for and treated with respect.
Some older men think that because they have been burned in the past, it's okay to play games with the younger women. They reason they are too young to know what's going on anyway. Of course, that is foolish thinking and you just might hurt the wrong woman and find yourself sorry for the
rest of your life it's better to just treat her like you want to be treated.
Four. Young women may want commitment.
This isn't a cardinal rule for some, because they may not want to be married to you or anyone. But for most women, they want a commitment. They need a commitment! They want to know that you will one day marry them and if you know that is not what you had in mind then you need to communicate that as soon as possible.
Five. Young women may want children.
Once again, not a cardinal rule, but some women desire to have a family with the one they love. Now if you have children already and don't plan to have anymore, she needs to know that. Otherwise, if you don't tell her, you may fall into a situation where you just might be a daddy whether you like it or not!
Six. Young women don't want to be the other woman.
Some women may start off telling you, "I don't mind being a friend with benefits." However, that kind of thinking will change especially if the sex is good! A younger woman who is knocked off her feet by good sex will make you her potential husband in her mind even though you may be thinking otherwise.
Seven. Young women would like to learn something new from their older men that they can't get from their peers.
If others have deemed you an intelligent, wise kind of man then you need to put your knowledge to good use. Tell her some interesting things about your life, share with her your dreams and aspirations, and explain to her about things she may not understand. Teach her how to invest her money wisely, give her things that will stimulate her mentally, and most of all praise her when she learns something new!
Eight. Young women want financial security.
This may be a turn-off for some older men, but it's a reality, young women want a man with some cash! If you have some and aren't generous with it, then she will be turned off and she may exit just like an older woman would. Because she most likely knows already what being financially
broke feels and looks like and she doesn't want to go down that path again. A man her age in a not so distant past may have taken more from her than gave her; he may have lied about money, or hid it from her. But whatever he did, she doesn't expect you to do it because you are older and she thinks you should know better!
Nine. Young women want maturity in their relationship.
She may not look mature or act it, but when it comes down to serious relationship issues she wants a man to be focused on the relationship not on a dinner and movie experience all the time or some trinket of jewelry to pacify her. Most young women enjoy having fun with their older companion, but when it's time for "the talk" they want to be heard.
Ten. Young women want what their father failed to give them as a child.
Experts will tell you that many young women have had a bad history with their father and often look to older men as a kind of father figure. No matter how true this statement is, older men will have to determine whether the younger women in their lives are with them for love or for something else.
As mentioned earlier, this list can be used not only for educating oneself on the needs of younger women, but older women as well. Anyone entering into a relationship is expecting something so with information such as this you should be able to determine whether you can fulfill a young woman's needs or not.
Monday
Is She Really Worth Getting into Trouble?
Some men don't think before they react to a beautiful woman (or possibly young girl) in their presence. They don't bother to think about the consequences if they should say or do something that could end up putting them in hot water with someone, law enforcement or an angry group. Not every piece of eye candy is who she says she is.
With so many dating websites and so many liars who create profiles on each, one must be very discerning when it comes to selecting a pretty young companion on or offline. Most women seeking older men know exactly what they want from them. They also know what they are willing to give up to get what they want. However, some will change their minds, pretend as if they don't know what is expected of them, or cry or complain about being taken advantage of.
Being that older men are considered "the mature ones" in a relationship, who should know better, they are expected to conduct themselves accordingly. Some things to consider before letting one's flesh override good ole' common sense is as follows when it comes to dating younger women.
1. Think before you speak. Although this is a simple tip, many men don't exercise caution with their tongues. If you know you don't really like or care for the young lady, don't tell her so in a mean-spirited way, but you will have to create some distance--stringing her along is a big No, No! Women can lose their minds if they suspect that they are being played. If you have no plans on meeting her relatives and friends, then make that plain too, but watch how you say that as well. This way she is free to make a decision on whether or not she wants to continue to see you.
2. Never assume she is the age she claims. Far too many young women know how to dress themselves up like celebrities and do well hiding their age. Be sure that you not only checked her ID, but got other information about her that proves she is as old as she claims. Maybe you should meet a friend or two of her's, better safe than sorry later. Notice how her friends act and what they say, you can tell right away just how old the young person really is.
3. Ask about interests whether you care about having a relationship or not with her. This information is useful, because you want to be sure to have a good time with your companion, but you also want to confirm just how old this young lady really is.
4. Avoid going anywhere in the public with the young woman until you know for sure all you need to know about who she is, where she is from, how old she is, who she knows, etc. It's a small world and you don't want to find out one day you are dating a client's daughter, bedding a cousin on your wife's side of the family, or spending money on a love child of yours that you didn't know you had.
Now let's just say you are already in over your head with the young woman. Maybe you have children with her or possibly married to her already, you will definitely need to have a long talk with yourself and seek some advice from others who have been in a similar situation.
If you feel uncomfortable being with her for any reason, don't ignore the signs. Ask yourself, what is it that you, her or the two of you have done that makes you feel like she simply isn't worth all this trouble? Do you have people whispering negative things in your ear about your mate? Do you personally feel like this is someone you no longer want in your life? Are you going through a life change personally or professionally and find it hard trying to balance a relationship too?
Whatever the issue, know that you will need to start making the necessary steps to bring you peace of mind. Avoid staying in a situation just because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, if the relationship isn't for you, it just isn't. Move on.
Think of the many men who should have followed their gut instinct when they had a chance and left an age gap relationship, but didn't. Some of these men are now deceased, jobless, incarcerated, or lost their wives and children as a result of messing with a crazy, young woman. Also, consider this, you can drive a young lady crazy when you do the following: act as if you don't know what you want, are unwilling to work on the relationship and treat her with respect, make promises you can't keep, cheat, or lie to her.
No woman in her right mind is going to keep taking any form of abuse, know what you want.
Nicholl McGuire
With so many dating websites and so many liars who create profiles on each, one must be very discerning when it comes to selecting a pretty young companion on or offline. Most women seeking older men know exactly what they want from them. They also know what they are willing to give up to get what they want. However, some will change their minds, pretend as if they don't know what is expected of them, or cry or complain about being taken advantage of.
Being that older men are considered "the mature ones" in a relationship, who should know better, they are expected to conduct themselves accordingly. Some things to consider before letting one's flesh override good ole' common sense is as follows when it comes to dating younger women.
1. Think before you speak. Although this is a simple tip, many men don't exercise caution with their tongues. If you know you don't really like or care for the young lady, don't tell her so in a mean-spirited way, but you will have to create some distance--stringing her along is a big No, No! Women can lose their minds if they suspect that they are being played. If you have no plans on meeting her relatives and friends, then make that plain too, but watch how you say that as well. This way she is free to make a decision on whether or not she wants to continue to see you.
2. Never assume she is the age she claims. Far too many young women know how to dress themselves up like celebrities and do well hiding their age. Be sure that you not only checked her ID, but got other information about her that proves she is as old as she claims. Maybe you should meet a friend or two of her's, better safe than sorry later. Notice how her friends act and what they say, you can tell right away just how old the young person really is.
3. Ask about interests whether you care about having a relationship or not with her. This information is useful, because you want to be sure to have a good time with your companion, but you also want to confirm just how old this young lady really is.
4. Avoid going anywhere in the public with the young woman until you know for sure all you need to know about who she is, where she is from, how old she is, who she knows, etc. It's a small world and you don't want to find out one day you are dating a client's daughter, bedding a cousin on your wife's side of the family, or spending money on a love child of yours that you didn't know you had.
Now let's just say you are already in over your head with the young woman. Maybe you have children with her or possibly married to her already, you will definitely need to have a long talk with yourself and seek some advice from others who have been in a similar situation.
If you feel uncomfortable being with her for any reason, don't ignore the signs. Ask yourself, what is it that you, her or the two of you have done that makes you feel like she simply isn't worth all this trouble? Do you have people whispering negative things in your ear about your mate? Do you personally feel like this is someone you no longer want in your life? Are you going through a life change personally or professionally and find it hard trying to balance a relationship too?
Whatever the issue, know that you will need to start making the necessary steps to bring you peace of mind. Avoid staying in a situation just because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, if the relationship isn't for you, it just isn't. Move on.
Think of the many men who should have followed their gut instinct when they had a chance and left an age gap relationship, but didn't. Some of these men are now deceased, jobless, incarcerated, or lost their wives and children as a result of messing with a crazy, young woman. Also, consider this, you can drive a young lady crazy when you do the following: act as if you don't know what you want, are unwilling to work on the relationship and treat her with respect, make promises you can't keep, cheat, or lie to her.
No woman in her right mind is going to keep taking any form of abuse, know what you want.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
10 Things Men Do With Other Women While in A Relationship that Cause Problems
When a young woman is just getting to know you, your actions may not bother her at first (maybe as long as a year or more,) but as your relationship grows older, a girlfriend or wife's "understanding" begins to get thin. Here are 10 things that you may be doing that may cause problems for your relationship later. Discuss these issues in advance and talk about them again as they come up since a lot can change since those early days of dating.
1. Helping a single woman out financially and physically.
2. Being alone with a woman when it is non-related to business.
3. Touching and sharing a meal with another woman.
4. Lying about your whereabouts or not talking about them with your partner.
5. Talking about your wife or girlfriend intimately with another woman.
6. Having non-business related lunch or dinner with a woman alone.
7. Inviting your wife or girlfriend to an event then ignore her.
8. Kissing or acting playful with other woman in or out of your wife or girlfriend's presence.
9. Not telling your wife or girlfriend that you took a woman home or somewhere else.
10. Talking to relatives and friends about another woman's beauty (your child's teacher, your exs, your co-workers, even the sales clerk at the local store) and comparing that woman with your wife or girlfriend.
You say there is nothing wrong with one or all of these things I have listed. You even feel like your girl is fine with you doing these actions. You may consider women who have these kinds of issues insecure. Debate, disagree, get upset, but one day you will be in the dog house because of one if not all of these issues (think about some of the reasons why you had problems in the past with other women.) According to the Bible even your lustful thoughts can get you into trouble.
Be wise, don't bring unnecessary conflict into your home and avoid the temptation to do things that may rise strife within your wife or girlfriend. Don't cover your behind, expose it! Be open and honest about what you do when you are away from your mate.
Women think beyond what you tell them. Their minds are constantly thinking, especially young, intelligent women, "I wonder who was that woman? Why is she talking so closely to my man? Why are they sharing food with one another? Why didn't he tell me he drove her home three times this week? Why is there a meal for two on this receipt, he never told me he had dinner with someone?" You see how your reputation now looks? She has to think about why you do what you do. You never want a woman to get to a place that she has to come to you and ask you questions. But you don't want to talk so much to the point that you look guilty, telling everything you want her to know, but leaving out the truth.
Here are some tips to help you stay out of the future dog-house:
Invite your wife or girlfriend with you to meet a single woman especially when she offers a proposal "to get together" some time.
Opt out of opportunities to be alone with co-workers. Invite a third wheel to join you and the woman.
Avoid keeping secrets from your wife or girlfriend no matter how upset she gets about it. Would you rather hear her rant now or talk about breaking up with you for being secretive or lying later?
Consider your young wife or girlfriend your best friend now and all other friends (especially those who you know are "very fond" of you and vice versa) should be put on the back-burner -- this doesn't mean abandon them. If they are not helping your relationship then you should cut them off. Why remain friends with someone who doesn't like your young girlfriend and thinks of you as nothing but a Chester molestor unless you really are? Distant yourself from those jealous, lonely, middle-age friends who wouldn't dare doing anything different! Eventually cut them off. Not every friend is a life-time friend!
If your young partner asks you to please stop doing something you know is harming the relationship and you refuse, then you are sending a message to her that those people in your life and/or activities you do are more important than she is. Some men take on a negative attitude about some of these issues, because they know that the young women they are involved with are nothing more than playthings so they don't compromise. But if you are not a player, but a gentleman then consider the fact that this young woman may be your wife and/or the mother of your child one day!
In the future, be more considerate and compassionate of your new mate's feelings. Remember she didn't come into the relationship desiring a companionship with your friends (exs, families, etc.) she came into it for you and the security you provide both mentally and physically -- show her the same courtesy!
Nicholl McGuire
http;//associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
1. Helping a single woman out financially and physically.
2. Being alone with a woman when it is non-related to business.
3. Touching and sharing a meal with another woman.
4. Lying about your whereabouts or not talking about them with your partner.
5. Talking about your wife or girlfriend intimately with another woman.
6. Having non-business related lunch or dinner with a woman alone.
7. Inviting your wife or girlfriend to an event then ignore her.
8. Kissing or acting playful with other woman in or out of your wife or girlfriend's presence.
9. Not telling your wife or girlfriend that you took a woman home or somewhere else.
10. Talking to relatives and friends about another woman's beauty (your child's teacher, your exs, your co-workers, even the sales clerk at the local store) and comparing that woman with your wife or girlfriend.
You say there is nothing wrong with one or all of these things I have listed. You even feel like your girl is fine with you doing these actions. You may consider women who have these kinds of issues insecure. Debate, disagree, get upset, but one day you will be in the dog house because of one if not all of these issues (think about some of the reasons why you had problems in the past with other women.) According to the Bible even your lustful thoughts can get you into trouble.
Be wise, don't bring unnecessary conflict into your home and avoid the temptation to do things that may rise strife within your wife or girlfriend. Don't cover your behind, expose it! Be open and honest about what you do when you are away from your mate.
Women think beyond what you tell them. Their minds are constantly thinking, especially young, intelligent women, "I wonder who was that woman? Why is she talking so closely to my man? Why are they sharing food with one another? Why didn't he tell me he drove her home three times this week? Why is there a meal for two on this receipt, he never told me he had dinner with someone?" You see how your reputation now looks? She has to think about why you do what you do. You never want a woman to get to a place that she has to come to you and ask you questions. But you don't want to talk so much to the point that you look guilty, telling everything you want her to know, but leaving out the truth.
Here are some tips to help you stay out of the future dog-house:
Invite your wife or girlfriend with you to meet a single woman especially when she offers a proposal "to get together" some time.
Opt out of opportunities to be alone with co-workers. Invite a third wheel to join you and the woman.
Avoid keeping secrets from your wife or girlfriend no matter how upset she gets about it. Would you rather hear her rant now or talk about breaking up with you for being secretive or lying later?
Consider your young wife or girlfriend your best friend now and all other friends (especially those who you know are "very fond" of you and vice versa) should be put on the back-burner -- this doesn't mean abandon them. If they are not helping your relationship then you should cut them off. Why remain friends with someone who doesn't like your young girlfriend and thinks of you as nothing but a Chester molestor unless you really are? Distant yourself from those jealous, lonely, middle-age friends who wouldn't dare doing anything different! Eventually cut them off. Not every friend is a life-time friend!
If your young partner asks you to please stop doing something you know is harming the relationship and you refuse, then you are sending a message to her that those people in your life and/or activities you do are more important than she is. Some men take on a negative attitude about some of these issues, because they know that the young women they are involved with are nothing more than playthings so they don't compromise. But if you are not a player, but a gentleman then consider the fact that this young woman may be your wife and/or the mother of your child one day!
In the future, be more considerate and compassionate of your new mate's feelings. Remember she didn't come into the relationship desiring a companionship with your friends (exs, families, etc.) she came into it for you and the security you provide both mentally and physically -- show her the same courtesy!
Nicholl McGuire
http;//associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
Monday
7 Moments in Life When We Make Stupid Decisions
Do you sometimes find yourself thinking about "What if I hadn't..." if so, you may want to think about what you could be doing now that may repeat a regret. Although this article doesn't specifically cater to younger women dating older men or vice versa, it does offer some thoughts about your present lifestyle and whether you believe it may be the right thing for you.
Sometimes we look back on our lives and notice how stupid we were for doing some of the things we did that hurt us and others. However, present situations may also be called stupid as well because for some of us, we still have yet to learn from the past mistakes. If we are careful about the timing when we are most likely to make poor decisions, we just might escape years of pain, confusion, resentment, bitterness, and other emotions we may experience as a result of our repeated failures.
So what are some periods of life that we are more vulnerable to making stupid life decisions?
Just before a breakup.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. She is no longer interested in him. Yet, the both still have some feelings for one another. So what do they do? Instead of leaving one another like they had hoped, they rather argue, fight, and do other things to keep emotions on high. They might even buy new furniture, a new car or truck, or make a financial investment together. As strange as this may seem, couples do this as a way to hold on to one another even though they know that the relationship has long expired. When they finally do break up officially, they find themselves in court arguing over their material possessions. The best thing to do is not buy, invest, save or do anything that will cost you later with a partner who no longer loves or trusts you or vice versa.
After a separation or divorce.
The first thing that most people want to do after being free from a bad relationship is to sit some time out, but never that long, before dating again. Then when they are ready to date again, they don’t necessarily go into slowly. They tend to rush to get their sexual needs met. Before long, they are on a pathway of break up to make up with a new partner. They also are very quick to accept this new person into his or her life without considering what their children from a previous relationship might think. They also don’t always handle all of their past business either, bringing drama into their new relationship. Consider taking care of any of your past business, so as not to bring it into any future relationships.
After becoming a parent.
Post-partum blues is nothing to take lightly! There is a lot of pain associated with giving childbirth and even more to deal with if the child is born with a health condition. Some people do fine with parenting, while others can’t deal with it. The crying, the financial challenges, family involvement, and more will send anyone over the edge. So it is best not to make any major life decisions at least a year after becoming a parent. This way you give everyone a chance to heal both mentally and physically and you allow for your partner to get readjusted to his or her life now that there is a baby.
Before a test or competition.
This is a regret that can easily be avoided if we just devote more time. It’s just as simple as that! Make the time to study or practice and you come out ahead. But what do some do, they stay up late cramming after doing other things during the day that aren’t as important. They spend hours chatting on the phone. They play Good Samaritan to other people when they should be at home hitting the books or out on the field practicing. The end result is low test scores that may lead to someone not getting into a college which just might affect this person for the rest of his or her life. Team members upset because a member failed to come through and now everyone is considered a loser.
When intoxicated from drugs and/or alcohol.
So we “got our party on,” as the street says, some years back and now we have memories from the past that come and go. For some of us, those memories may still haunt us. A person might think, “I should have never…I wish I hadn’t…” Some people seek professional help to make the pain go away, while others continue to abuse alcohol and drugs in the hopes that one day they will just find their peace in the grave. Anyone who is under the influence will make stupid decisions resulting in: bad health, lost jobs, family and friends, freedom, and more. Common sense says, “Avoid the alcohol and drugs.”
After having sex.
He made you feel better than any man you have ever encountered! She did things in the bedroom that made you feel like flying to the moon! Before long, you are opening a credit card line in your name for your partner, paying her bills, buying him gifts, and telling him or her how much you want to get married or have a baby! Unfortunately, what goes up must come down, and now some of you reading this are stuck in a marriage or have children that you secretly wished you never had. You have just given some of your best years to someone who is now undeserving of them. We make our beds then we try to fix them so they are comfortable enough for us to lie in them for the rest of our lives. You can continue to be in a relationship you don’t want until you are ready to go or you can make the best of it.
Soon after receiving additional monies.
Whether an opportunity or blessing comes in the form of a promotion, membership or a position of authority, some people are receiving more money, fame or power than they have ever had in their lives! It would make any of us feel real good—real special. However, what usually happens is that the ego is puffed up with all the flattering statements, “You are so smart…you are great…wish I had a son like you!” Before long Mr. or Ms. Ego is saying and doing things she has no business doing. The “Big Boss” may use the company credit card for things other then what is allotted. This person may give employees the pass on things corporate management would possibly fire him or her about. Sometimes leaders will be-little others or boast about their fortune. All of these things and more will catch up to “The Man…The Woman…” sooner or later. If you are a spiritual person, you know that you are to remain humble and obey your superiors. You also are to treat your workers well.
When we are experiencing moments in our lives such as the ones explained in this article, we should avoid making decisions that only require a simple yes or no. We should make the time to sit quiet and contemplate how our action or inaction might affect us and our family later. Is this a good time to end a relationship or start a new one? What might be the immediate impact? How might your decision to pick up and move somewhere affect you and possibly children long term? When do you think will be a good time to come back and re-evaluate your dilemma? What does your family think about your current situation and how might they help or hurt it? There are so many questions that we could think about each and every situation we are currently facing, but the point is a sudden decision without thinking about all of the details will cost you sooner or later. Think everything through!
By Nicholl McGuire
Sometimes we look back on our lives and notice how stupid we were for doing some of the things we did that hurt us and others. However, present situations may also be called stupid as well because for some of us, we still have yet to learn from the past mistakes. If we are careful about the timing when we are most likely to make poor decisions, we just might escape years of pain, confusion, resentment, bitterness, and other emotions we may experience as a result of our repeated failures.
So what are some periods of life that we are more vulnerable to making stupid life decisions?
Just before a breakup.
He doesn’t want to be in a relationship with her anymore. She is no longer interested in him. Yet, the both still have some feelings for one another. So what do they do? Instead of leaving one another like they had hoped, they rather argue, fight, and do other things to keep emotions on high. They might even buy new furniture, a new car or truck, or make a financial investment together. As strange as this may seem, couples do this as a way to hold on to one another even though they know that the relationship has long expired. When they finally do break up officially, they find themselves in court arguing over their material possessions. The best thing to do is not buy, invest, save or do anything that will cost you later with a partner who no longer loves or trusts you or vice versa.
After a separation or divorce.
The first thing that most people want to do after being free from a bad relationship is to sit some time out, but never that long, before dating again. Then when they are ready to date again, they don’t necessarily go into slowly. They tend to rush to get their sexual needs met. Before long, they are on a pathway of break up to make up with a new partner. They also are very quick to accept this new person into his or her life without considering what their children from a previous relationship might think. They also don’t always handle all of their past business either, bringing drama into their new relationship. Consider taking care of any of your past business, so as not to bring it into any future relationships.
After becoming a parent.
Post-partum blues is nothing to take lightly! There is a lot of pain associated with giving childbirth and even more to deal with if the child is born with a health condition. Some people do fine with parenting, while others can’t deal with it. The crying, the financial challenges, family involvement, and more will send anyone over the edge. So it is best not to make any major life decisions at least a year after becoming a parent. This way you give everyone a chance to heal both mentally and physically and you allow for your partner to get readjusted to his or her life now that there is a baby.
Before a test or competition.
This is a regret that can easily be avoided if we just devote more time. It’s just as simple as that! Make the time to study or practice and you come out ahead. But what do some do, they stay up late cramming after doing other things during the day that aren’t as important. They spend hours chatting on the phone. They play Good Samaritan to other people when they should be at home hitting the books or out on the field practicing. The end result is low test scores that may lead to someone not getting into a college which just might affect this person for the rest of his or her life. Team members upset because a member failed to come through and now everyone is considered a loser.
When intoxicated from drugs and/or alcohol.
So we “got our party on,” as the street says, some years back and now we have memories from the past that come and go. For some of us, those memories may still haunt us. A person might think, “I should have never…I wish I hadn’t…” Some people seek professional help to make the pain go away, while others continue to abuse alcohol and drugs in the hopes that one day they will just find their peace in the grave. Anyone who is under the influence will make stupid decisions resulting in: bad health, lost jobs, family and friends, freedom, and more. Common sense says, “Avoid the alcohol and drugs.”
After having sex.
He made you feel better than any man you have ever encountered! She did things in the bedroom that made you feel like flying to the moon! Before long, you are opening a credit card line in your name for your partner, paying her bills, buying him gifts, and telling him or her how much you want to get married or have a baby! Unfortunately, what goes up must come down, and now some of you reading this are stuck in a marriage or have children that you secretly wished you never had. You have just given some of your best years to someone who is now undeserving of them. We make our beds then we try to fix them so they are comfortable enough for us to lie in them for the rest of our lives. You can continue to be in a relationship you don’t want until you are ready to go or you can make the best of it.
Soon after receiving additional monies.
Whether an opportunity or blessing comes in the form of a promotion, membership or a position of authority, some people are receiving more money, fame or power than they have ever had in their lives! It would make any of us feel real good—real special. However, what usually happens is that the ego is puffed up with all the flattering statements, “You are so smart…you are great…wish I had a son like you!” Before long Mr. or Ms. Ego is saying and doing things she has no business doing. The “Big Boss” may use the company credit card for things other then what is allotted. This person may give employees the pass on things corporate management would possibly fire him or her about. Sometimes leaders will be-little others or boast about their fortune. All of these things and more will catch up to “The Man…The Woman…” sooner or later. If you are a spiritual person, you know that you are to remain humble and obey your superiors. You also are to treat your workers well.
When we are experiencing moments in our lives such as the ones explained in this article, we should avoid making decisions that only require a simple yes or no. We should make the time to sit quiet and contemplate how our action or inaction might affect us and our family later. Is this a good time to end a relationship or start a new one? What might be the immediate impact? How might your decision to pick up and move somewhere affect you and possibly children long term? When do you think will be a good time to come back and re-evaluate your dilemma? What does your family think about your current situation and how might they help or hurt it? There are so many questions that we could think about each and every situation we are currently facing, but the point is a sudden decision without thinking about all of the details will cost you sooner or later. Think everything through!
By Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
Observations of the Older Man Dating the Younger Woman
Ever wonder what you, your mate and others really think of the
younger woman with the older man? Putting aside everything you have
been told or what you have seen when it comes to relationships like
this, could you sincerely be honest, fair, and even encouraging when
it comes to dating an older or younger partner or befriending this
type of couple? Depending on your age, how secure you are about
yourself and your own relationship, and dating experiences will
determine how you truly feel about a younger woman dating an older
man.
You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren’t alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.
Let’s begin with the first. What do young women and older men
really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may
have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have
dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may
be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique
they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of
their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find
that because of the age differences there are some very interesting
subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment.
Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such
as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion,
ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any
other couple who may be the same age or closely matched.
A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another’s future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let’s say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.
The popular question of “what will my friends think” may cross the couple’s mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn’t want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends’ opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn’t want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as “sexy, fun or good for you!”
A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks. Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple’s former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative’s taste in a man or woman. They may ask, “Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren’t you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don’t you think she is too young?” The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn’t like their mates because they were “too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible.” When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.
The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circle by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog based on the book Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren’t alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.
Let’s begin with the first. What do young women and older men
really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may
have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have
dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may
be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique
they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of
their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find
that because of the age differences there are some very interesting
subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment.
Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such
as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion,
ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any
other couple who may be the same age or closely matched. A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another’s future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let’s say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.
The popular question of “what will my friends think” may cross the couple’s mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn’t want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends’ opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn’t want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as “sexy, fun or good for you!”
A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks. Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple’s former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative’s taste in a man or woman. They may ask, “Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren’t you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don’t you think she is too young?” The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn’t like their mates because they were “too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible.” When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.
The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circle by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.
Nicholl McGuire also manages the blog based on the book Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Sunday
Dating Stubborn Men: Personal Experience
They are hard of hearing. You have to tell them repeatedly what you want and even with all the requests, they either still don’t do what you ask, do what they feel like doing, or only do things partly. They are the biggest excuse makers and defenders of their own faults using statements like, “I didn’t know…no one told me…I would have done...but…there wasn’t enough time…You should have told me…I never said that…I never told you that…You are wrong.” Everyone else is always to blame. When they are approached with an error, they look around and say, “Who me?” Who else would it be? Stubborn men should live alone.
I know there are just as many stubborn women too, but if there is any truth to the old adage, "Opposites attract" then what kind of woman is a stubborn man attracting? One who isn’t like him that’s for sure. I have personally dated just about every one of my opposites in my short life including stubborn, unmovable, unshakeable, may I add, angry men. After awhile if you date long enough, they all start acting and sounding the same. “I’m not like your last boyfriend,” they say. Yeah right.
So here’s a list of things that I noticed about these knuckle-headed men. I understand why they are handsome and still single. They were acting stubborn with the last woman, and now here they are available to me.
Children from a previous relationship
You may tell him what the boundaries are with the ex and he may tell you his, but then you notice some behaviors that are obviously inappropriate whether it is how he talks to his children or what he says or does with the ex regarding the children. Either way, if he can’t get it through his thick skull to stop what he is doing, you will have to resort to some serious measures. Whatever you do, don’t do anything that will cost you your freedom or put you on your back in a hospital somewhere.
Now let’s say his stubborn behavior has nothing to do with the children, but how he reacts to your ex. Maybe you don’t want him to be too friendly or, too distant, whatever the case may be, he needs to act in a way that is also in the best interest of the children. Too friendly with the ex, could cause problems for you in the courtroom one day if your man should happen to tell your ex something he shouldn’t know. Acting too distant will also cause a problem, because he will say that he has every right to know who will be around his children. You will need to find out what kind of relationship you both will have with the children’s father or mother that will bring you both peace. This is not the kind of situation where being stubborn is okay, it may cost you your children, so stress that to this man's hard head!
Yours and his children
You tell him that it would be better if he handled the children in certain ways regarding caring for them and providing for their basic needs, and he starts behaving like a teenage girl who was told someone doesn’t like her hair. “This is my way,” he says. “Let me do it…” Meanwhile, the children are spoiled rotten because he still hasn’t let go of the child who is almost two that he still rocks to sleep. The other child who will soon be three who still receives presents like it’s his birthday every day, while the other children just watch.
You give him some tips on how to get something done faster, easier, or with less headache and heart ache and he doesn’t want your advice until he has spent hours on a project that could have been done in 10 minutes. Can we say, stubborn!
Communication
So you decided to sit down and talk with your man friend about the things that bother you in your relationship. He seems willing to listen to your gripes, complaints and praises. So he tells you what is on his mind about you, but rather than his complaints sounding reasonable they are looking more and more like attacks, because he didn’t like what you told him. After years in a relationship, suddenly he is telling you things that you never knew bothered him. You come away from the conversation almost heartbroken because the certain food you cooked, the way you clean the home, care for the children, shop etc. was all wrong. This conversation was not two adults talking; instead you may have said something that rubbed him the wrong way and now he is on attack mode. I learned to ignore the snide remarks, eye rolls and heavy sighs. The things he really has a problem with you will know about it the instant you do it, just look at his face. As for the other things, he lived with it then and didn’t leave you; he can continue to live with them. Chances are if you go back to doing these “sudden complaints” he has, he won’t say one word and that’s how you know he was full of you know what!
Time
Stubborn men think they have all the time in the world. They go about their days taking their time doing everything without regard to deadlines. It’s rare that a stubborn man will show up on time for the things that matter to you. You will try to tell him how important certain things are to you and he will just act as if he is listening while doing what he wants to do which leads me to the next point.
Doesn’t follow instructions
When you provide him with a list, you can almost bet that he will not buy what is on the list. When you ask him to do something around the house, tell him about a certain store, ask him to help you with something, or offer to go to the store with him to shop, he will find excuses so that he is in control at all times. He wants to spend the money his way, he wants to buy what he thinks you want, and he wants to go without having to listen to you and the children and so on. Notice it is always his wants first and maybe he might think about everyone else.
Stubborn men are also selfish men, they appear as if they are men of service, but the reality is they don’t like doing much of anything. But just so that they don’t have to hear your mouth, they will do just enough to appear as if they are so “nice, so kind.” But if you have been around them long enough, they are just stubborn.
They are right, you are wrong
You have made plenty of good points, suggestions, and ideas. You are often right and the stubborn man knows this, so he will look for an opportunity to say, “You are wrong.” You might not have been wrong, but he is getting tired of you being right. You were right about the children, the relationship, the money, and other issues and so he doesn’t want to accept any more responsibility for his own action or inaction that has caused problems for you and him in the relationship, so his quick rebuttal to everything is, “You are wrong.” The truth of the matter is he was wrong for getting involved with someone thinking that he never had to compromise even a little bit of his stubborn ways.
Selfish
Earlier, I mentioned that stubborn men are selfish. Let me further explain. Stubborn men and selfish men are birds of a feather they flock together. Stubborn men stick to their ideas, beliefs, principals, etc. no matter how bizarre, ridiculous, simple, foolish, or harmful. Here is an example of a stubborn man doing something that will cost him his relationship and material possessions. His former wife tells him that he is behaving in ways that is causing her to think that he is cheating on her. He tells her that he isn’t cheating. But he continues not to be available sexually, emotionally, and oftentimes disappears without telling her where he is going, when he will be back, or even offer to take her along for the ride. His idea of a good time when he isn’t out running the street is seated in front of the television barely touching any of the food she has prepared in the refrigerator. He doesn’t show her any affection except on those few occasions they have had sex. She tells him how his behavior is causing her to think about divorce and dating again. Rather than, acknowledging the damage by his actions and inactions that have contributed to her feelings of insecurity, lack of love, and appreciation, he continues to do these things anyway. This is a stubborn man who is also acting very selfish. Even more bizarre, this stubborn man will confide in his friends and tell them she is to blame. Meanwhile, the friends don’t know the truth; therefore, they will side with him and give him the kind of advice that would be shared with a man who wasn’t stubborn and he will try to implement something that he doesn’t understand nor does he know what to do with, because he can’t see his true self. He is the problem. But if he assess the situation from the outside looking in honestly, he will try to make a difference. As for the selfish man, he may act just like the stubborn man, but the problem with him is he isn’t going to even try to look at what he could be doing to cause the demise of the relationship. Either way, both men need to find whatever they need whether counselor, book, teacher, or foe to help them learn from their negative behavior.
By Nicholl McGuire
Tuesday
The Significant Age Difference: An Issue with Family
Although it may not be a problem for you and your mature partner, the age difference, it is an issue for some of those who are on the outside looking in at your relationship. They may not take you or he seriously just because you are younger than he is. If he has a past pattern of dating women close to his age, then his siblings will have found more in common with that person than with you.
It can be troubling knowing his family have had a better relationship with his past girlfriends than you; however, don't let that disturb your inner peace with who you are -- if age is indeed nothing but a number then by all means keep it that way!
Jealousy, lies, confusion, bitterness, and more are in every family and his is no exception. Since you have come into his life, there may have been some hidden family issues that have now surfaced. He may have seen a different side to his once kind mother, his wonderful sister, and his easy-going brother. They may have criticized his choice in a woman either to his face or behind his back, "Why did you pick someone so young? What's going on with him, did he catch a bad case of midlife?" Whatever the comments he has had to endure since dating you, he will have to be the one to either stand with you or cave into the pressure and end the relationship -- its all up to him.
What you can do is stay true to who you are and your beliefs. If you and he believe in the relationship, then it will last, but if only one or neither of you don't, it won't.
Keep in mind that at first everyone who says, "I don't have a problem with..." In time the truth comes out and they really do have a problem. Their issue, not yours!
Enjoy your relationship while it last! Ask questions to find out the truth about his feelings before you commit. Finally, know that everyone will not like you and there is nothing in the rule book that requires you to make friends and influence people who don't like you!
Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/helpforpeople
It can be troubling knowing his family have had a better relationship with his past girlfriends than you; however, don't let that disturb your inner peace with who you are -- if age is indeed nothing but a number then by all means keep it that way!
Jealousy, lies, confusion, bitterness, and more are in every family and his is no exception. Since you have come into his life, there may have been some hidden family issues that have now surfaced. He may have seen a different side to his once kind mother, his wonderful sister, and his easy-going brother. They may have criticized his choice in a woman either to his face or behind his back, "Why did you pick someone so young? What's going on with him, did he catch a bad case of midlife?" Whatever the comments he has had to endure since dating you, he will have to be the one to either stand with you or cave into the pressure and end the relationship -- its all up to him.
What you can do is stay true to who you are and your beliefs. If you and he believe in the relationship, then it will last, but if only one or neither of you don't, it won't.
Keep in mind that at first everyone who says, "I don't have a problem with..." In time the truth comes out and they really do have a problem. Their issue, not yours!
Enjoy your relationship while it last! Ask questions to find out the truth about his feelings before you commit. Finally, know that everyone will not like you and there is nothing in the rule book that requires you to make friends and influence people who don't like you!
Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/helpforpeople
Monday
Is Your Family Wrong for Disapproving of Your May-December Relationship?
Let's give your family the benefit of the doubt for a moment whether they said some very ugly things about your older or younger partner or acted strangely when you two came around, what would make them feel the way that they do?
1. Think about the negative things you might have said in the past about your older or younger partner. Did you say the kind of things that feed into stereotypes? Maybe you or your mate complained about not having enough money, who do you think they will blame for your lack? Maybe you mentioned something negative about older men or younger women, so why would you continue to date this person?
2. Do you have a pattern of dating older or younger people and things not working out? Why would your family want to connect with yet another one of your fly by night romances?
3. If you have a child or children by someone else, and that person is still in contact with your family and friends, could that person (or someone else) be causing unnecessary strife behind your back?
4. Be honest, what is this relationship really about? How soon did you meet this person after you broke up with your previous partner? Did you want children? Were you having some kind of life change going on at the time i.e.) mid-life issues, bored with routine, bad breakup/divorce/separation, curious about dating young or older?
5. You are conveying a negative attitude with your family and friends that you are unhappy with your selection. Rather than talking with your partner about relationship ills, you are sharing information that is making your family not want to take your relationship seriously.
Consider these points and other thoughts that come to mind about your relationship. Sometimes family members and friends can see things that we can't see in people. They may recognize some behaviors they may have done to others in the past and don't want you to fall victim. Other times, it is just a matter of personal opinion. There are those people who just don't like looking at the age difference. A gentleman that looks like a young woman's dad or uncle is just not a nice picture for some and they may even go so far as to avoid photographing the two of you together, so just be prepared for the snub this holiday season by a few.
Nicholl McGuire
1. Think about the negative things you might have said in the past about your older or younger partner. Did you say the kind of things that feed into stereotypes? Maybe you or your mate complained about not having enough money, who do you think they will blame for your lack? Maybe you mentioned something negative about older men or younger women, so why would you continue to date this person?
2. Do you have a pattern of dating older or younger people and things not working out? Why would your family want to connect with yet another one of your fly by night romances?
3. If you have a child or children by someone else, and that person is still in contact with your family and friends, could that person (or someone else) be causing unnecessary strife behind your back?
4. Be honest, what is this relationship really about? How soon did you meet this person after you broke up with your previous partner? Did you want children? Were you having some kind of life change going on at the time i.e.) mid-life issues, bored with routine, bad breakup/divorce/separation, curious about dating young or older?
5. You are conveying a negative attitude with your family and friends that you are unhappy with your selection. Rather than talking with your partner about relationship ills, you are sharing information that is making your family not want to take your relationship seriously.
Consider these points and other thoughts that come to mind about your relationship. Sometimes family members and friends can see things that we can't see in people. They may recognize some behaviors they may have done to others in the past and don't want you to fall victim. Other times, it is just a matter of personal opinion. There are those people who just don't like looking at the age difference. A gentleman that looks like a young woman's dad or uncle is just not a nice picture for some and they may even go so far as to avoid photographing the two of you together, so just be prepared for the snub this holiday season by a few.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
On Dating Older Guys: When the Young Lady Realizes Her Youth Isn't Forever
Every young woman experiences varying seasons of being ignorant, naïve, silly, and fragile when it comes to dealing with life issues. A mature man knows this and most often will not think too much about having a long-lasting, committed relationship with a young woman/girl who is still developing mentally and physically. However, there are those men who are excited about the possibility of playing the role of naughty teacher to an unsuspecting student while others simply desire a quality relationship. Despite age differences, issues related to immaturity, family members' concerns, and more, some older men will continue to work at building a relationship with their younger partners.
It can be sometimes shameful and embarrassing for some senior men to date younger women with a 30 plus age gap, and so they will end good times before they become challenging ones. Others are nonchalant when it comes to the older dating younger relationship and will continue to be with very young women/girls despite what people their own age and older warn. These men reason, "As long as I am having a good time, who cares what they think?" Notice "I" not we is in the previous statement.
But one day, the young woman/girl will start to notice that her youth is passing her by. She might find that acting like anyone but herself isn't what she wants to do. She may start to listen to wise counselors while coming to the realization that maybe being with an older man just isn't for her. The young lady's requests for money and other things from her older man will eventually not suffice and the nagging feeling within her will one day question, "Youth and beauty are passing you by, what more do you want out of life besides sex and things?"
Most young women/girls don't reach any "aha" moment of being used and abused or being the user or abuser until they hit rock bottom in their lives. It is when they start to feel like someone has robbed them of something or they have missed out on life that they start looking around for someone or something to blame. The fantasy of love and forever bliss is wiped away with reality and heartbreak for her, the lover or both.
A mature man might walk away from his spoiled creation sooner or later, but may return again like a drug addict needing yet another fix. The same might occur with the young woman. The time will come when hard decisions must be reached to be in or out of the relationship. An older man, who knows better, will recognize his young woman is evolving and like a butterfly, he will watch her fly freely. But the controlling, abusive type will attempt to put a "pretty young thing" back into her cocoon. In the eyes of the narcissist and the psychopath, she is nothing more than a "thing" anyway.
Watch Nicholl McGuire's videos on the narcissist and the psychopath here. She also maintains Love Dating Advice
It can be sometimes shameful and embarrassing for some senior men to date younger women with a 30 plus age gap, and so they will end good times before they become challenging ones. Others are nonchalant when it comes to the older dating younger relationship and will continue to be with very young women/girls despite what people their own age and older warn. These men reason, "As long as I am having a good time, who cares what they think?" Notice "I" not we is in the previous statement.
But one day, the young woman/girl will start to notice that her youth is passing her by. She might find that acting like anyone but herself isn't what she wants to do. She may start to listen to wise counselors while coming to the realization that maybe being with an older man just isn't for her. The young lady's requests for money and other things from her older man will eventually not suffice and the nagging feeling within her will one day question, "Youth and beauty are passing you by, what more do you want out of life besides sex and things?"
Most young women/girls don't reach any "aha" moment of being used and abused or being the user or abuser until they hit rock bottom in their lives. It is when they start to feel like someone has robbed them of something or they have missed out on life that they start looking around for someone or something to blame. The fantasy of love and forever bliss is wiped away with reality and heartbreak for her, the lover or both.
A mature man might walk away from his spoiled creation sooner or later, but may return again like a drug addict needing yet another fix. The same might occur with the young woman. The time will come when hard decisions must be reached to be in or out of the relationship. An older man, who knows better, will recognize his young woman is evolving and like a butterfly, he will watch her fly freely. But the controlling, abusive type will attempt to put a "pretty young thing" back into her cocoon. In the eyes of the narcissist and the psychopath, she is nothing more than a "thing" anyway.
Watch Nicholl McGuire's videos on the narcissist and the psychopath here. She also maintains Love Dating Advice
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