Sunday

Dating Stubborn Men: Personal Experience

They are hard of hearing. You have to tell them repeatedly what you want and even with all the requests, they either still don’t do what you ask, do what they feel like doing, or only do things partly. They are the biggest excuse makers and defenders of their own faults using statements like, “I didn’t know…no one told me…I would have done...but…there wasn’t enough time…You should have told me…I never said that…I never told you that…You are wrong.” Everyone else is always to blame. When they are approached with an error, they look around and say, “Who me?” Who else would it be? Stubborn men should live alone.

I know there are just as many stubborn women too, but if there is any truth to the old adage, "Opposites attract" then what kind of woman is a stubborn man attracting? One who isn’t like him that’s for sure. I have personally dated just about every one of my opposites in my short life including stubborn, unmovable, unshakeable, may I add, angry men. After awhile if you date long enough, they all start acting and sounding the same. “I’m not like your last boyfriend,” they say. Yeah right.

So here’s a list of things that I noticed about these knuckle-headed men. I understand why they are handsome and still single. They were acting stubborn with the last woman, and now here they are available to me.

Children from a previous relationship

You may tell him what the boundaries are with the ex and he may tell you his, but then you notice some behaviors that are obviously inappropriate whether it is how he talks to his children or what he says or does with the ex regarding the children. Either way, if he can’t get it through his thick skull to stop what he is doing, you will have to resort to some serious measures. Whatever you do, don’t do anything that will cost you your freedom or put you on your back in a hospital somewhere.

Now let’s say his stubborn behavior has nothing to do with the children, but how he reacts to your ex. Maybe you don’t want him to be too friendly or, too distant, whatever the case may be, he needs to act in a way that is also in the best interest of the children. Too friendly with the ex, could cause problems for you in the courtroom one day if your man should happen to tell your ex something he shouldn’t know. Acting too distant will also cause a problem, because he will say that he has every right to know who will be around his children. You will need to find out what kind of relationship you both will have with the children’s father or mother that will bring you both peace. This is not the kind of situation where being stubborn is okay, it may cost you your children, so stress that to this man's hard head!

Yours and his children

You tell him that it would be better if he handled the children in certain ways regarding caring for them and providing for their basic needs, and he starts behaving like a teenage girl who was told someone doesn’t like her hair. “This is my way,” he says. “Let me do it…” Meanwhile, the children are spoiled rotten because he still hasn’t let go of the child who is almost two that he still rocks to sleep. The other child who will soon be three who still receives presents like it’s his birthday every day, while the other children just watch.

You give him some tips on how to get something done faster, easier, or with less headache and heart ache and he doesn’t want your advice until he has spent hours on a project that could have been done in 10 minutes. Can we say, stubborn!

Communication

So you decided to sit down and talk with your man friend about the things that bother you in your relationship. He seems willing to listen to your gripes, complaints and praises. So he tells you what is on his mind about you, but rather than his complaints sounding reasonable they are looking more and more like attacks, because he didn’t like what you told him. After years in a relationship, suddenly he is telling you things that you never knew bothered him. You come away from the conversation almost heartbroken because the certain food you cooked, the way you clean the home, care for the children, shop etc. was all wrong. This conversation was not two adults talking; instead you may have said something that rubbed him the wrong way and now he is on attack mode. I learned to ignore the snide remarks, eye rolls and heavy sighs. The things he really has a problem with you will know about it the instant you do it, just look at his face. As for the other things, he lived with it then and didn’t leave you; he can continue to live with them. Chances are if you go back to doing these “sudden complaints” he has, he won’t say one word and that’s how you know he was full of you know what!

Time

Stubborn men think they have all the time in the world. They go about their days taking their time doing everything without regard to deadlines. It’s rare that a stubborn man will show up on time for the things that matter to you. You will try to tell him how important certain things are to you and he will just act as if he is listening while doing what he wants to do which leads me to the next point.

Doesn’t follow instructions

When you provide him with a list, you can almost bet that he will not buy what is on the list. When you ask him to do something around the house, tell him about a certain store, ask him to help you with something, or offer to go to the store with him to shop, he will find excuses so that he is in control at all times. He wants to spend the money his way, he wants to buy what he thinks you want, and he wants to go without having to listen to you and the children and so on. Notice it is always his wants first and maybe he might think about everyone else.

Stubborn men are also selfish men, they appear as if they are men of service, but the reality is they don’t like doing much of anything. But just so that they don’t have to hear your mouth, they will do just enough to appear as if they are so “nice, so kind.” But if you have been around them long enough, they are just stubborn.

They are right, you are wrong

You have made plenty of good points, suggestions, and ideas. You are often right and the stubborn man knows this, so he will look for an opportunity to say, “You are wrong.” You might not have been wrong, but he is getting tired of you being right. You were right about the children, the relationship, the money, and other issues and so he doesn’t want to accept any more responsibility for his own action or inaction that has caused problems for you and him in the relationship, so his quick rebuttal to everything is, “You are wrong.” The truth of the matter is he was wrong for getting involved with someone thinking that he never had to compromise even a little bit of his stubborn ways.

Selfish

Earlier, I mentioned that stubborn men are selfish. Let me further explain. Stubborn men and selfish men are birds of a feather they flock together. Stubborn men stick to their ideas, beliefs, principals, etc. no matter how bizarre, ridiculous, simple, foolish, or harmful. Here is an example of a stubborn man doing something that will cost him his relationship and material possessions. His former wife tells him that he is behaving in ways that is causing her to think that he is cheating on her. He tells her that he isn’t cheating. But he continues not to be available sexually, emotionally, and oftentimes disappears without telling her where he is going, when he will be back, or even offer to take her along for the ride. His idea of a good time when he isn’t out running the street is seated in front of the television barely touching any of the food she has prepared in the refrigerator. He doesn’t show her any affection except on those few occasions they have had sex. She tells him how his behavior is causing her to think about divorce and dating again. Rather than, acknowledging the damage by his actions and inactions that have contributed to her feelings of insecurity, lack of love, and appreciation, he continues to do these things anyway. This is a stubborn man who is also acting very selfish. Even more bizarre, this stubborn man will confide in his friends and tell them she is to blame. Meanwhile, the friends don’t know the truth; therefore, they will side with him and give him the kind of advice that would be shared with a man who wasn’t stubborn and he will try to implement something that he doesn’t understand nor does he know what to do with, because he can’t see his true self. He is the problem. But if he assess the situation from the outside looking in honestly, he will try to make a difference. As for the selfish man, he may act just like the stubborn man, but the problem with him is he isn’t going to even try to look at what he could be doing to cause the demise of the relationship. Either way, both men need to find whatever they need whether counselor, book, teacher, or foe to help them learn from their negative behavior.

By Nicholl McGuire

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