Wednesday

OMG! He Acts Just Like My Dad!

Maybe that day has never came for you.  Maybe you only heard about it, you know, the young woman who comes to the revelation that her older date reminds her so much of none other than her father--oh no!

The mature man is not going to receive this eye-opening experience from the young lady, especially if he considers himself rather young in spirit, he is going to avoid the "You act like and kind of look like my dad" conversation like a plague.  What the heck, this older man probably feared his younger partner would one day arrive to this sudden epiphany! 

When the older man was listening to that young woman's stories about her father early on in the dating relationship, he was thinking about himself.  He was comparing, contrasting, and contemplating, "What if this is all some sort of daddy issue romance playing itself out?  What do I do?" he thought.  Well, you do what any respectable man does, you acknowledge her feelings and you remind her, "But I am not your dad. I repeat I am not your dad."  Then you work real hard not to do anything that appears daddy like such as: parent her, "You are to give me a time when you intend to be back, young lady!" or tell her when she is hurt, "It's okay boo-boo daddy loves you."

Now the young woman is going to reach the point of no return at some point in your dating relationship, where she is not going to go back to that daddy revelation for it is quite disturbing and you will know when she continues on in the relationship as if nothing has ever been revealed.  She says things like, "I truly only want to be with you.  I really would like for us to get married... and what do you think of children?"  She sees you as a lover, friend, and husband but not as a  father, good for you!  

Once you can detect that you, if you are the younger woman, or you, if you are the mature man, realizes that nothing can separate you, not even memories of dad, go ahead, take the next step.  But if every time you two have a moment to converse and she starts talking about "my dad this and my dad that and you act this way and that way just like my dad with a glint of anger in her eyes," jump ship--she has some serious issues that if you don't have the time, money and patience, don't bother trying to direct her to some help while you are still having sex with her.  Better off just being friends.  And for the younger woman, you will need to spend some time alone if you are having a hard time removing the images of your dad and childhood issues concerning him.  You see, no one wants to be reminded that they look, act, smell, dress, or are like someone else--no one!  We are uniquely designed, all of us.  Sure, I might remind you of someone and you might remind me of someone, but we both have many different facets to who we are if only we would all just take the time to discover them in our relationships rather than compare them to the past.

So don't run away mature man if the young woman suddenly realizes that she has been attracted to you, because you remind her of the first man in her life, it just might be a passing phase.  However, younger woman, if it really does bother you that the gentleman you like/love is very much like your dad, don't take the relationship any further.  We wouldn't want you to feel like you are sleeping with your dad--now that's just nasty and besides if you have a faith, you might want to pray about your issues.

Nicholl McGuire

Nicholl Shares Thoughts From a Spiritual Perspective for Women Dating Older Men


Here is some thoughtful insight on dating someone older for the younger women.  Hopefully, you will walk carefully and choose wisely.  Enjoy the video!

Sugar Baby, Sugar Daddy 

by Nicholl McGuire who is the writer of this blog and other ones.  She also has written various nonfiction books including When Mothers Cry


For Some Men & Women It's Just Sex

There is nothing significant about that new sexual partner that makes an individual desire a long term commitment particularly when that isn't what he or she truly wants anyway.  For some couples, it's just sex--nothing more and nothing less, that is until emotions get in the way! 

A man in a 10 plus years marriage, who lies about it, is looking for someone or something to break a mundane lifestyle, but his intentions is not to lie down with his younger fling forever and always.  If he were completely honest, he would tell her so.  A young woman with many bills, an active lifestyle, and isn't interested in dating younger guys these days because she has needs that goes beyond the bedroom, is most likely not seeking a long-term commitment either especially if the mature man isn't offering much conversation or affection.  Both have immediate needs, but a long term future, not likely.

When we find ourselves seeking people who are mentally or physically unavailable (or maybe we are the ones guilty of this sort of behavior) and have no strong desire to be nothing more than bedroom partners, you have to wonder, "What is going on with me?"  It is better to be alone and content then to be with someone who is going to lie about loving his wife or be with a younger woman who just wants to manipulate men for selfish gain.  So much emotional energy wrapped up into something that has no solid foundation!  

Some couples in wishy washy relationships end up leaving them with a few mental marbles loose.  Words are exchanged during bedroom sessions that tickle ears and before long, a lover believes that something more might come out of this short-term fling only to be left heartbroken.  "We agreed, we wouldn't get serious, remember!?  I told you I am in a relationship, I have children!" the married man yells.  "But I love you and you said I was the best thing in your life!" the young woman cries.  "I know what I said, but that was when we were having sex!" her lover retorts.

I think of times during my past when I was misled into thinking that some men were sincerely into me and only me.  But later, I would learn that I was the alternative, the back up plan until cheating men would be welcomed back into the arms of their number one girls.  "Stupid me," I would think.  Assuming that a nice guy was right for me.  There is a whole lot more going on with nice guys besides what meets the eye--I am a witness!

There are those nice guys who are bad guys.  They seek out women who are willing to go out with them and eventually lay with them.  If she doesn't do what he wants on his time schedule, then she is marked as "hard to get" and then he is on to the next one.  Older, more experienced, men  are clever.  They will say just about anything to fulfill sexual needs.  I recall a man promise to let me stay at his large home with a pool and other amenities he thought I liked (mind you, I don't know how to swim, see how much he paid attention to me?)   He used what he had to lure me to come over an entertain him (yet some men don't want gold-diggers, why use your wealth to charm?)  I politely declined his request.  He had an impatient and irritated tone to his voice and lost my number.  That older man made his intentions clear and I made my boundaries clear.

Too many young women settle for foolishness for material wealth.  But one day, reality sets in and you find yourself looking in the mirror at your ugly self.  You start asking that immature woman inside of you the hard questions, "Why do I put myself through this?  Why can't I just sit back and enjoy my life for a bit; rather than worry over dates?"

Remember, once you see signs and listen closely to one's intentions while dating, you have a choice, either you will raise your red flag or you will give in.  If you should give in to a man or woman's demands, be prepared to enter a journey that you might or might not be ready for.  There will be surprises and they won't all be good.  There will be emotional highs and lows that might leave you feeling like you are out of control.  And, most of all, there will most likely be disappointments because you will quickly learn, the more you get to know someone, the more you realize sex isn't all you need.  Before long, you will be on that path of trying to break free from your lover which isn't always easy to do.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books. 

Monday

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates

Here's an article worth sharing.  Although the information is similar to what I have here, I feel it is a friendly reminder for those young women interested in dating older men, enjoy!

Age Gap Relationships - Tips For Dating An Older Man | WeLoveDates

Wednesday

You Are What You Create: When the Older Man and Younger Woman Collide

How you begin a relationship sets the foundation for many things more to come.  There are mature men who don't mind spending wads of cash on their younger companions from the start of the relationship, but there are those men who hold on to their money as if they fear spending it.  Then you have those men in between who know how to balance their wealth and spread it around such as: save, invest, donate, and so on.  When you are in a relationship with any woman, whether young or old, you have to take a good long look at yourself.  When things start to go wrong, you have to admit that somewhere down the line you presented yourself one way and your date saw you in a totally different way.  Whether you were clear about your intentions, habits, beliefs and other things, evidently you didn't make your point crystal clear--now the drama begins.

Some men disguise themselves as being the playful, outgoing and talkative types with younger women, at least in the beginning of the relationship; however, in time, they begin to get comfortable, too comfortable.  The same is true for younger women too.  Rather than seeing his younger partner as different than he and vice versa while trying to adjust, he hopes that she will act more like him--laid back, a home body, and whatever else he truly sees himself to be.

Younger, active women have a hard time with older men who don't have much going on outside their jobs and television screens.  If a mature date presented himself not to be the couch potato type early on, then that is what she expects to see, a man who is doing more outside or around the home besides sitting, eating and sleeping.  When the truth comes out about some older men's intentions, habits, and more, he becomes irritable, disappointed, and somehow blames his partner for the false impression he gave her from the start.  "I don't like going places...I don't like seeing shows...I prefer to stay home...I never said I liked that..." the once handsome, active older man who presented himself as such, behind the scenes, is nothing more than a grumpy old man.  Now the relationship takes an ugly turn, "Well, if I would have known this is how you truly are...I would have..." the younger woman complains.  "I thought you knew I was this way!" he retorts.

Age differences play a part in a May-December relationship.  There are those older men who prefer to go to bed early, while others stay up late into the night while nodding on and off in front of TV or computer screens.  There are younger women who do the same.  But if no one shows his or her true colors from the start, then you don't know what you might get later on down the road.

You are what you create.  If you don't want a gold digger, then don't spend money like your younger date is one.  If you don't want a lazy older man, then don't do everything for him.  You get the point?  So do take a good, long look at what you have done so far that caused unnecessary drama in your relationship and work to change it before someone threatens to break up--that is if that hasn't happened already (sigh).

Nicholl McGuire

Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy's Unlikely Romance Is Still Going Strong - Yahoo! omg!

In this example, Mary Kate looks very young especially in one photo where she looks like his daughter. It makes one feel like the dirty older man is being naughty.

If you are going to date someone who doesn't look close to your age, you might want to lose the little girl look if you want to gain some respect.  Unfortunately, looks matter in our society.
Mary-Kate Olsen and Olivier Sarkozy's Unlikely Romance Is Still Going Strong - Yahoo! omg!

You going to get worms - older dating younger - YouTube

"You gon' get worms!"  This is a statement that some older people in the African American community tease younger people with for dating someone older.   Funny video with valid points, enjoy!

You gone get worms - YouTube

Thursday

Do Some Say You Are Wise? Your Date Might Not Appreciate Wisdom



Nowadays lighthearted, silly statements in videos, movies and songs seem to get the popular vote.  For many, life is just too dull, serious, routine, and so on.  So single daters seek a pick me up whether that be in a person, place or thing.  However, what daters should seek is love and wisdom above moments of laughter. 

Many young people who haven’t experienced much in life such as: long-term relationships, consistent employment, foreign travel, years of parenting, etc. bring a limited view to one deemed wise and one who is mature and has no direction, well he or she is considered nothing more than a fool.   

Now if you put two immature, inexperienced people together, the chances that the couple will get along are quite good at least for a time until serious issues come up.  But if you pair a wise person (whether young or old) with someone who is unwise mentally and spiritually, you will have an unbalanced relationship where one is often investing knowledge, love, experiences, and possibly money, while the other is like a bump on a log.  After awhile, the one receiving all those wise tips is going to get weary of his or her partner, since he or she has very little to bring to the relationship, and eventually resent him or her.  On the other hand, the wise person is going to regret having wasted so much time hoping for compatibility and a return on his or her investment.  

Foolish people don’t like spiritual people and vice versa.  If you are wise, don’t manipulate yourself into thinking that you can change, re-arrange, create, or motivate a silly, immature or uneducated person to act the way you want.  If you believe this, then consider yourself controlling.   

Now there are those who you know who may enjoy your teachings and thoughtful insight, but they don’t spend as much time with you like an intimate partner would.  Wisdom is not popular, doesn’t rank high when it comes to character attributes, and isn’t what young people consider, “Cool.” Besides, there are even older adults who run from wisdom because they don’t want to feel:  old, convicted about sins, or think they should change.

So if you are one who has been told you are “wise,” be mindful that those you might attract may not be as wise as you.  They also will not help you toward creating the kind of relationship you so desire either especially if they don’t respect or appreciate wise people.   

You can test dates simply by sharing biblical quotes, thoughts on love, philosophical concepts related to things you think he or she enjoys, etc.  Then watch your date's reactions.  Do this enough times in different ways on different days (especially bible related verses), and the apple of your eye will begin to look spoiled to you.  Once you realize this person is definitely not someone you could see yourself spending your life with, break free.  Don’t be like so many who try to rescue, rehabilitate, change, or build up fools.  If one cannot or refuses to do anything that will make them better in all that he or she does, yet you are this type, then you don’t want to choose the broken, emotionally hurt, and wounded for a life-long partner.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street and other books.

This Song Good Example of the Games Some Men Play

MR HUDSON - WHITE LIES LYRICS

Wednesday

7 Mistakes Some Mature Men Make with Younger Women

He finds someone who he really likes, a younger woman, someone who looks like she could be his daughter.  The more he spends time with her, the more he sees a future with her.  However, there are obstacles internally and externally that prevent this courtship from being a wonderful, memorable experience. 


The mature man made some mistakes during this age gap dating experience that makes her question his loyalty, possibly caused discord among family and friends while leaving the couple feeling uneasy about the future.   

You could be making the same errors when it comes to dating younger women.

One.  Are you impressing the younger woman with your material wealth?

Stop it.  If you don't want a gold-digger don't encourage her to act like one.  Be humble, modest about your wealth.  If asked, answer briefly, but avoid bragging.

Two.  Did you tell others how old she is?

If you did already, stop that too.  If you don't want condemnation, don't invite it!  The more you talk about how young and youthful she is, the more the uncomfortable tension in the air will grow especially amongst jealous older women.  You will be making it hard for her to be welcomed into your inner circle when you bring up her age often.

Three.  Are you having sex before really feeling comfortable enough to be seen with her in public places?

Don't do it again when you know you aren't ready to present her in front of everyone.  You are only setting yourself up for future arguments.  If you aren't serious about her, don't make her think you are.

Four.  Do you talk about your young partner with exs in order to create a desire for them to want to reconnect?

Why would any man do this?  But they do.  An ex is an ex for a reason and drawing her out of her cave of anger and confusion by talking about your new girlfriend often is only going to make matters worse sooner or later.

Five.  Do you lie or cover up unflattering details of your life in order to keep your young partner around?

So as to appear like he is in the know and is "cool," some older men will not share much about themselves and act more interested in their date.  If you want an open, honest relationship, it would make sense to share aspects of yourself as they come up, not hide them.

Six.   Are you acting controlling, like a father, and forbid her to have a life apart from you?

A younger woman can detect a father figure a mile away.  Some gravitate to older men because there are some things that they do that remind them of their fathers.  However, many don't want their partner to become their father.  So when you find yourself monitoring her every activity, you have to ask yourself, "Do I have a desire for a daughter?"  If this is the case, let her go, don't use her to fulfill your void.

Seven.  Do you keep her a secret and then spring her on critical family and friends?

There relationship is not off to a good start when you can't even talk to your family about her or you feel apprehensive about sharing someone that you love with them.  Conquer the fear and the nervousness simply by preparing everyone who you know will support you and leave out those you know you don't.  Springing a younger woman up on anyone will make them do more gossiping than welcoming--and how do you think that negativity in the air will make your partner feel?

Take a moment to pray, plan, and protect that one you believe is the apple of your eye!

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Whose Whispering in His Ear, Her Ear?

A younger woman and an older man in a dating relationship is often critiqued by those who think he is too old and she is too young.  The critic doing the questioning is often jealous or has been hurt in the past having been in a similar relationship.

The opposition against the relationship can be so stressful at times, that sometimes a younger woman or older man dating one another will cave under the pressure.  He starts permitting his mind to be open to what an ex, mother, sister, brother, cousin or someone else says about his choice in a partner.  The younger woman starts believing what the aunt, grandmother, or friend believes about her man's intentions.  Before long, the couple lies in one another's arms with other people's concerns on their minds while distrusting one another.

The couple is also more likely to see the flaws in each other; therefore, one's attitude might be often negative.  She becomes easily irritated with him.  He starts focusing on all the things that make her wrong for him.  Neither one truly sees the part that the outside forces have played on the relationship.  She thinks, "It's him."  He thinks, "It's her."  No one bothers to trace back their negative emotions to that phone call with a jealous friend who isn't in any serious relationship or that mother who is jilted because her husband doesn't treat her so well.  "Why do I feel this way?"  The couple should ask.  "It wasn't that long ago that I felt my partner was "the one," what changed over time?  Who have I been talking and listening to?"

The sooner you take control over your emotional mood swings concerning the relationship, the better!  Consider the source.  When you find that the person you are spending time with encourages you to talk about your significant, cut him or her off and turn the tables around on him or her, "How is your relationship...what have you been doing lately?"  Chances are they aren't too busy or too happy, because why would they bother to involve themselves in your personal business?  After you know whose been aiding you negatively, the next thing you want to do is limit your conversations with this person or gradually cut him or her off when it comes to your personal business.  You will also want to spend more time focusing on the positive regarding your relationship and work toward winning your partner's trust, respect, love, etc.  If you don't back up your love with some action, unfortunately your relationship will be doomed to fail.  Keep negative, foolish people out of your ear!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and other books.

Friday

Christian Dating: Older Men and Younger Women

In the Bible there are men in relationships with younger women.  For example, Boaz and Ruth were one such couple.  Now there is nothing wrong with men and women dating one another.  But what is wrong is when manipulation, lying, abuse, sexual sins, and ridicule is included in the relationship.  Just think, if all of this relationship drama was ongoing in the book of Genesis with the first couple, Adam and Eve would have been fighting one another, ignoring God, and turning their future offspring against one another!  Then again, who knows what they said to one another after they were expelled from the garden?  When dating someone who is younger or older we have to understand that just because they attend church, read the Bible, have a history of being saved, sanctified and Holy Ghost filled doesn't necessarily mean that this person is someone who we should be dating and this person may not be who God had in mind for us.

Sometimes, as believers, we are very quick to assume that someone we are dating is "the one" and "chosen by God," because they simply appear to act like what we think a believer should be.  We start trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.  "He likes what I like...," she says, but upon closer inspection, that isn't altogether true.  "She is perfect for me...," he boasts, but then six months from now he is on his knees crying out to God, "Send her away, I made a mistake!"  Not so fast!  You wanted someone to come into your life because you were most likely lonely, desperate, confused, or just wanted a friend.  You might have had a list of what you wanted, and so now you got her or him with a few things added to that list and a few removed.  Why would God permit certain experiences to happen and not others when it comes to relating to the opposite sex?

Well, we are to trust in God and we are not to lean on our own understanding, so the Bible tells us.  We should also consider Romans 8:28 when it comes to our personal experiences.  God has a way of teaching us a lesson or two about life and it isn't always going to come from a church setting, a CD, or a Christian television program.  Sometimes these fires we put ourselves in, God will put them out for a time and teach us while we are looking on at the destruction that we caused for ourselves and others.  It's like God taking us by the hand and pointing out our faults, "See what you done, now look what I am going to do.  I know that you made a mistake, but I can't let you just walk away, there are some things I need to teach you about yourself, the other person and how this all relates to my perfect will."

So if you believe in a mighty God and you know that you may have made some mistakes with someone or you are seeking God about the person you are currently with, may I direct you to the original plan, what does God want to do in you and through you?  What do you recall about walking with him, before you got distracted with this person, job, children etc. that he wanted you to do in the first place?  You might have to go back to the Book of Genesis in your life to get the answers you need.

Consider this, don't let an older man/younger woman dating relationship keep you from your higher calling.  Stay true to the God who saved you back when your current partner "...didn't know you when...!"  Men and women can't save you, but an awesome Creator whose son's name is Jesus can, get back to spending time with your first love and he will lead you when it comes to your human love.

To God be the glory!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic


It’s Not Always Easy Dating Someone Almost Half Your Age (Younger or Older)


You may not admit it to those around you because you don’t want them to tell you, “I told you so.” But it’s really not easy to date someone with a mindset that is from decades ago when women/men acted this way and that way.  It can be challenging to be with someone who has more energy than you and sees years ahead of them to get things right, while you think “I don’t have long to live to not get things right.” 

So on and on we think about just how different we are from one another—older man, younger woman—until that one day when he or she says some things that make us feel like, “Well maybe we aren’t that different…”  But then disagreements come up and suffocate all the niceties, don’t they?  Things are said that remind us of those age differences once again.  “She is so immature!”  He says.  “He is so old and boring!” She thinks.

You try to deny the truth and suppress your uncomfortable feelings, but neither is working.  For some couples, they start obsessing about ending the relationship.  Then they enlist others to encourage them, “Maybe being with him/her is not what you really want.  If you would have listened to me, I would have introduced you to someone who was more your age.” 

When you are all alone at home or in your car and with no distraction, you have to make up in your mind whether you are committed to this younger woman or older man.  Are you?  You have to be the one that decides if this person is worth all the criticism, future joy AND upset, health issues, etc.  If you know that you just don’t have the energy, mindset or time to commit to the relationship; then don’t deceive yourself or that older man or younger woman who might possibly be in love with you.  Let this person know that you are not interested in marriage, living together, children, or anything else that typical committed couples have.  Rather, tell the one you admire (or possibly might love) that you are still working on some areas in your life, and you are not quite ready to settle down.  It is better that you are open and truthful, this way your lover/friend can prepare his or herself emotionally and not demand any commitment from you.

Friday

You Don't Need a Husband, You Want a Temporary Lover

Young women everywhere consider this question, "Do I want or need a husband?"  There is a difference between wanting and needing.  A want is simply thinking about having something, but there is no pressing need to get it.  "I want a Mercedes Benz, but I could live without it," says a fan.  But her friend says, "Well, I need to get one, because my dad and I are in business together and we have to make a statement when we pass by observers.  Besides, I hear they are good road cars and we will be traveling a lot."  So you see the difference between wanting and needing.  When it comes to men, like cars, there are those you need and others you just want.

There might be women in your circle pressuring you into thinking you need to consider getting married, while all you really want is a temporary friend with benefits.  Of course, church-goers frown on the latter.   However, being that we live in a world that appears to celebrate all things immoral, it isn't any wonder why many women opt out of a potential marriage and prefer singleness.  In addition, when you are a woman, who has it all ie.) material wealth, children from a previous relationship, good friends, etc., what good is a man other than for periodic sex anyway?  This is how some women think and men know it, so they are careful not to fall in love with the "I have it all" types.  Yet, what tends to happen over time is a woman starts wanting a serious relationship with a man who she has convinced for years she doesn't want as a husband, how might you think he will react?  "Marriage?  Uh.  I thought you didn't want anything serious?" he questions.

Be certain of your feelings, what you hope to give and take from a relationship, and why you may or may not be interested in a long-term commitment.  Communicate your thoughts to your future husband or temporary lover. 

Nicholl is the Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
October is Domestic Violence Awareness
http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Wednesday

Health Issues, Ex Dilemmas, Unsupportive Children: Younger Woman Is He Worth It?

They tell you, " You are so young, why bother with that old man?"  You think to yourself, "Yeah, why?"  If you are thinking like this, then chances are this man is no longer worth your time young woman.  "There is so much life ahead of you," they say.  "They" (mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, friends, etc.) don't lie when it comes to wanting you happy.  Whay are you with him?  There is, if you plan well, someone out there for you who wants marriage, children, and no additional baggage (like children from a previous relationship, a jealous ex, and unresolved issues on the job or with friends).  You just have to be patient and discerning.  Why be that depressed, young woman on this older man's arm faking smiles (and for some young women, orgasms too with a man who obviously doesn't turn you on anymore, if ever).

Let's just be honest, some men (and women too) just don't see their flaws or their personal dramas.  If they do, they ignore them and hope that the person they are with will ignore them too.  But how long will you look the other way when his soldier isn't standing erect, his children are being disrespectful or when he is often tired when you are ready to do anything but watch TV for leisure every weekend!  There is something wrong when an older man doesn't appreciate or act interested in a woman who is young, sexy, energetic, caring, and intelligent.  If all he can see and complain about is say:  her annoying friend, her interests in her family, the way she organizes the house, or some odd thing she does with her eyes, then you have to wonder what kind of man is he. A perfectionist, controlling, stubborn, or just weird?

Yes, young woman, you who happened to come across this blog, could have someone more compatible.  But for some of you, you keep your old man around like he does an old lazy boy chair, he's comfortable--that's right, comfortable.  He may look worn, tired and may have a few things wrong with him, but he is still comfortable to sit or lay on.  You just don't have the courage nor desire to trade him for a new one.  The signs are all around you, "Get a new chair!  Here's a quality one, better than the one you got...come get me!"  the new, improved chair just screams, "I'm here. I can do a good job too!"  But what do some young women do, look for reasons to keep their old chairs like their old men around until they have simply had enough!  "I am tired of your lazy, old behind...can't you do more for me besides sit there and do nothing!  Why do I still see the stains of exs, children and your health issues years later!  What the X%$# have I got myself into?"  the disgruntled younger woman yells.

When she has made up her mind (and one day she will) and sees that the old dog just won't do any new tricks with her (and only her), she will leave sooner or later.  Pray for yourself or if you know someone in a relationship like this, pray for her.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of When Mothers Cry 

Thursday

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

Here's a good example why you should do more observing and less talking when you date a rich, older man, you might learn a thing or two like his lifestyle is incompatible with yours.

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

When Dating Bubbly, Talkative Young Women Just Isn’t Working for You


They are youthful, exciting and have a lot to talk about, young women who laugh more than they cry can make any man fall head over heels in love with them.  But when you are a self-centered mature man, settled—caught up in routines, in time, you will be annoyed with all the energy that some young women bring to the relationship.

At first it doesn’t seem to bother you, her smiling often, but over time you find yourself starting to feel uneasy.  You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you or maybe with her.  “Can someone be this happy all the time?”  Rather, you should be asking, “Why am I so cranky?”  The young bubbly woman seems so much happier and optimistic about the future, but you, not so much.  

Casting all doubt aside and unresolved issues of the past, face it, you just might not be her type.  Why force a round peg into a square hole?  But what do some mature men do?  Try too hard to impress in the beginning of the relationship only to later become weary and unemotional toward a younger woman’s advances, requests and desire to be heard.  “It’s not her, it’s me…” he should be telling himself.  But years of playing the blame game skews his vision and all he sees is that wide smile that he can’t muster on his face asking him to, “Try this…Why don’t we go there…What’s wrong?” while hearing her irksome laughter in his head. 

Some men just shouldn’t waste a young woman’s time.  Think: she has her life ahead.  Why slow her down with unnecessary requests to get her to change who she is?  “Do you have to talk so much, honey?  Are you always like this so cheery?  I wish I had your energy…” he says.  So she likes to go, go, go and giggle, giggle, giggle.  Isn’t that what you liked about her?  Why expect her to be anything different?  Maybe you use to be young and fun once, but these days that just isn’t you.  Why not be the bigger person and end the relationship so that you can find someone with less energy, you know someone more like yourself.  Don’t worry over making her cry.  Besides, she might be thinking, “He is such a grumpy man.  Wonder how I can get out of this one?”  

There are those men who just don’t get it when it comes to dating younger women, one size (personality) doesn’t fit all.  No matter how many relatives, friends, co-workers, talk shows, articles, and more that are out there that scream at you, “Stay away from younger women, you are no match for them” some men will try to date them anyway.  Men, who just aren’t out-going and don’t like to do much but work and periodically have sex should stick to their own age group or alone especially if the slightest remark, question, or joke bothers them.  Most menopausal single women get it, that’s why some prefer to be alone.  They avoid both young and older men.  “It’s just too much work to date,” some say.  

Far too many young women have had their poor hearts broken waiting for some mature men to get their act together.  They sold them a good sales pitch in the beginning of the dating relationship only to let these women down, shame on them!  Unfortunately, some of these young women overlooked the old adage which says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” too!
When you know you have a long pattern of reckless dating and many stories that include phrases such as:  “I didn’t like…couldn’t get along…wish things were different…” it’s time to take that pause in one’s life and ask yourself this question, “What the #$%^ am I doing?”  I’m sure the women your own age were thinking the same thing.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Young Women: Don't Prostitute Yourself to be with a Mature Man, Men Don't Pay a Young Woman for Sex

Some women strategically plan to be with certain men because of their wealth.  Unfortunately, they put their selves in a similar position of a prostitute.  Listen to this audio and be enlightened.

Prostitution Bible Study & Commentary - YouTube

Wednesday

11 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Is Awesome - The Frisky

I thought why not put up another article that talks about why dating an older men is awesome!  If someone is feeling down about his age, maybe this young lady will perk you up (take your mind out the gutter!--LOL)

11 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Is Awesome - The Frisky

Six Problems With Dating Older Men | Clutch Magazine

You've got to love articles that get straight to the point like the following one.  I must admit, I laughed at this one, because I could relate.  Thank God, all older men aren't like the ones this writer describes.  Click here: Six Problems With Dating Older Men | Clutch Magazine

Tuesday

Younger Guy Wanted to Know, Why You Dating Old Men?

If you are a younger woman, you may have been asked, "Why do you like dating older men?"  by guys or gals about your age and younger.  How do you answer such a question or do you even bother?  Whether it is your personal preference, that's all you seem to attract, or simply maturity, your choice not theirs.  I came across one website that attempts to answer this question. Read here.

Monday

What Some People Say About Men with Younger Women


You don’t mean to stare at the unusual pair walking by, but you do.  Yet, when you are the one in a peculiar relationship, you are wondering, “Why does it seem like everyone is looking at my date and I?”  Then you think, “What could they be thinking?”  Sometimes people aren’t really concerned about what others are doing.  But there are those, who love to people watch and they are thinking the ever-popular question, “What is she doing with him?” among other things.

“She is only with him for the money.”

You knew this statement was coming and if you are the one with the money you might be thinking, “Well is she?”  Discuss the issue amongst yourselves, but definitely don’t allow others to talk about it with you.  Most often people who are already receiving money from the mature partner will raise the red flag on the relationship, because they fear that they will no longer receive any money now that the mature partner is seeing this younger woman.

“He is too old to be dating someone her age – he’s robbing the cradle.”

Is he really too old or is she too young?  Well to some people maybe this comment is cause for concern, especially if someone skipped out on their marriage, dating a child etc. but if none of which applies to your relationship, why bother responding?

“What do her parents think about her dating someone much older?”

This may be a concern for a few due to personal reasons or because they are concerned the younger partner might not be legal age.  But does it really matter?

“I wouldn’t date someone my son or daughter’s age and definitely not my dad’s.”

As we all know who we choose to date is our personal business.  However, some critics can’t help but comment because they know they don’t have the courage or interest in dating someone younger or older.  Responding to a comment like this is a waste of time.  If you do, you will look immature and the naysayer just might feel good watching you react negatively.  Just ignore this person or better yet get it understood early on, especially if this person is a relative, to exercise a little self-control over their tongue if he or she wants to keep you in his or her life.  

“She must not have a close relationship with her father.”

Some people assume the worse, because they have heard of stories where young women have specifically dated older men because their own fathers didn’t meet their needs.  Maybe this happens for many younger women dating older men, but not all.  If you are a younger woman who doesn’t have a close relationship with your dad and you feel that it is affecting your relationship with your partner, maybe you might want to consider independent counseling, reconnecting with your father if you can, or sitting down with someone who knows him well to get answers to unresolved issues.  If you are the mature partner, you may want to watch for signs that she is in fact using you to fill a role in her life that wasn’t met by her dad.  If so, then you may want to discuss your concerns.

“He is going through a mid-life crisis (andropause) that’s why he is with her.”

Dating younger women is something that many men who have severe symptoms of andropause do, but once again there are exceptions to the rule.  A younger woman will want to observe her mate and watch for signs if she suspects that possibly she is one of many of her older partner’s andropause symptoms. 

“Why do older men always go after younger women?”

This statement is usually said by women who feel insecure, jealous and angered about past issues.  Others are simply curious.  When some younger women hear a comment like this, it might work for or against her self-esteem depending on how committed she is to the relationship.  She may ask the same thing of the older man or wonder what he sees in her.  Her partner will have to say the kind of things to keep her interested and secure in the relationship. 

“I was never interested in dating men my dad’s age or older, that’s crazy!”

Younger people can sometimes be the harshest critics of a relationship between a younger woman and an older man.  Oftentimes those who say this are still very immature, so they couldn’t fathom the thought.  If this comment is stated enough by friends, it might cause a younger woman, who isn’t so sure about dating an older man, to want to break up.

“He probably left his wife and children to be with her.  He will probably go back to the wife once he gets tired of her.”

This comment can really hurt a younger woman’s feelings particularly if she is head over heels in love with her mature mate.  So when she hears this, she might start to wonder if in fact he would get back with an ex.  Hopefully, the man isn’t married, but if he is, you might want to cut your losses early.



Thursday

Special Online Dating Website for Young Women & Mature Men - Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.

Are you over 40 seeking a woman to date that is less than 30?  If so, then you might be interested in visiting Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.  This site will match up couples who enjoy dating singles who are either younger or older than they.

Participants can choose from singles from all over the world simply by registering.  Membership is free.  Whether you are interested in a rich man or a beautiful woman, this site connects those who can be honest about what they seek in a dating relationship.

No longer do you need to date people your own age while wishing to be with someone much younger or older.  Too often singles settle for dating people they are less than interested in simply because the people they meet live nearby or happen to show more interest in them than others recently.  Seek someone online that will compliment you.

It isn't often that this site refers readers to dating sites, but this one is definitely one that you, who are interested in dating older or younger, will appreciate.  Click here.


Wednesday

When You Date Old School, Expect Old School Treatment

When you date older expect your date to have what you might consider some out-dated principles.  There are still some men in this world who believe that a woman's place is at home with children while the man works.  Men who have a faith in God may expect no sex until marriage.  You will find that some older men do have a way of doing things that isn't modern, youthful or even comprehensible to one who is still learning and growing.

Certain family members won't accept you.

As much as we all would like to be accepted by our partner's relatives, it just won't happen.  There will be those in his family that will not go along just to get along especially if they are Christian or have some other belief system.  Your partner may not see anything wrong with cohabitation, but his mother, sister, brother or someone else will.  He may find that having a child out of wedlock isn't a big deal like it once was, but his family or maybe even yours are giving you a firestorm of criticism.  Sometimes it is your special someone who is the one who is against all things deemed immoral while you are more laid back.  Whatever the issue, you will have to respect his faith, uphold your personal views, as well as consider the opinions of those around you.  It also doesn't hurt to consider what people are saying and why they may be reacting negatively about you and your companion being together.  Sometimes relatives simply don't care what you do, but if you have a faith, ask yourself, "What does my Creator think?"

Friends won't find you have much in common with them.

When there is a significant age difference, you will find it challenging to make friends with his friends.  Some women disdain younger women being with older men, because unfortunately they have had their share of cheating partners and disrespectful young women in their presence.  As much as you would like for friends to accept you and act interested in what you have to say, think about this, "Would you really be interested in associating with people 15 or 20 years younger than you?"


Your mature partner may treat you differently than younger dates.

A relationship that may have started off good, may end up being a terrible choice, because you or your mature lover may have allowed far too many voices to influence the way you see one another.  He may start acting distant as if trying to erase his mistake with picking you.  On the other hand, you may stop calling or coming around him, because you know that he too was a bad choice.  When a couple comes to the realization that they may have bit off more than they can chew (when it comes to building a relationship that lasts,) it is best to get out as soon as you can or seriously consider making changes in the relationship that will help it evolve into a marital commitment.  Otherwise, you wait too long and you will find yourself making more and more mistakes that will be harder and harder to fix.  Even worse, some things we do to others, can never be undone and unfortunately we reap the consequences later despite having prayed about them and sought wise counsel.

Be certain that when you date old school, you know the rules of the old school.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

Faith & Relationship: Does it Really Matter?

Anyone who has ever been introduced to the God of the Holy Bible or some other faith knows that you have made a life decision to walk a spiritual path.  There is no way that you can date someone, grow closer then think that your faith will have zero impact on your relationship.

If you are one who is still married, but separated, you know that dating someone whether younger, older or in between wouldn't be wise.  At some point in the relationship, your mate is going to want something long lasting with you.  What are you going to tell this person?  "Sure, I want that too, but I'm still married..."  That response will set your intimate relationship so far back that it might not even work out.  What bible-believing young woman or older man is going to stay in love with a person who is still trying to sort out whether or not he or she wants to let go of his or her past, much less want to be married in the future?

It also isn't wise to date any one just because you are lonely.  Spiritual believers who seek relationships are looking for more than just companionship.  Eventually, someone who is really interested in a commitment is going to want to merge names, households, and bodies together in the name of whatever God or gods he or she believes in.

When one is interested in dating one or many people, he or she must realize that someone out there is going to take his or her faith seriously and this person will expect you to live up to your beliefs.  In other words, if you claim to be a believer, you will walk the walk.

Of course, there are those daters who are adulterers, fornicators, backsliders and more who claim they, "Love the Lord...attend church, pray, fast, and read the Bible" but the truth is that God is so removed from their lives because they are living in sin.  These people have double-minds, unstable and desire to appease their flesh, more than their spirits.  Their faith just isn't as important as one might think.  In time, truth is revealed and that young woman or older man who had once been hoodwinked will slowly or rapidly realize that this person is no fit in his or her life.  In a situation like this, age has nothing to do with it, but deceit, backward talk regarding one's faith, and other spiritual revelation has separated the couple.

When a man has reached maturity, he will not pretend to be something he is not.  If he isn't walking with Jesus or some other spiritual being, he will just speak truth.  When a mature, young woman is not interested in a faith, she will just say so.  But immature, immoral and ignorant people will play mind games.  They will act in ways that will tell an observer, "Now this one is nothing more than a hypocrite!"  If the person dating the backslider or unbeliever doesn't see it, the person's family will see the deceitful person a mile away and warn their beloved relative to "leave him alone...he is not right for you...she is an immoral woman...she is immature, silly."

Sometimes it is best just to listen to those people who are dedicated to their faith and wise.  They can help you weed out the good from the bad during your dating phase.  Hopefully, in time, you will meet someone who shares the same faith as you do!  It is a beautiful thing to be with someone who loves your God like you do!

Nicholl McGuire
More inspirational writings at:  http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Thursday

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

If you ever needed an example of what mid-life looks like when someone isn't taking his vitamin supplements, herbal remedies, and a prescription med for his hormones, look no further! She desperately needs a father figure and he definitely wants someone in his life to make him feel like he is 18 once again! When you read the article, you will notice how he talks about his attraction to her like it was an overnight thing that began when she turned 18--not hardly. I will be the first to support any relationship that is healthy and balanced, but this one, it stinks of hormones and dysfunction!

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

Monday

Your Issues, His Issues and Now Our Issues

So you thought you could be everything to him or her.  You bought this person nice things.  You made time to go with him or her here and there.  You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night.  "She is a bit off," you think.  "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks.  Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship.  Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.

Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back.  You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again.  Immature people think in this way.  People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this.  Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!"  Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?

You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook.  Then there was the issues.  Your date had some and you had your share.  Then there were those issues you had together.  With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly. 

If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back.  You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!

For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality.  They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship.  But where to start?  A change of mindset, a reality check!  Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want.  If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be!  Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it.  But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.

Nicholl McGuire

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