Your Issues, His Issues and Now Our Issues

So you thought you could be everything to him or her.  You bought this person nice things.  You made time to go with him or her here and there.  You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night.  "She is a bit off," you think.  "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks.  Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship.  Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.

Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back.  You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again.  Immature people think in this way.  People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this.  Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!"  Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?

You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook.  Then there was the issues.  Your date had some and you had your share.  Then there were those issues you had together.  With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly. 

If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back.  You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!

For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality.  They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship.  But where to start?  A change of mindset, a reality check!  Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want.  If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be!  Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it.  But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.

Nicholl McGuire