You Are What You Create: When the Older Man and Younger Woman Collide

How you begin a relationship sets the foundation for many things more to come.  There are mature men who don't mind spending wads of cash on their younger companions from the start of the relationship, but there are those men who hold on to their money as if they fear spending it.  Then you have those men in between who know how to balance their wealth and spread it around such as: save, invest, donate, and so on.  When you are in a relationship with any woman, whether young or old, you have to take a good long look at yourself.  When things start to go wrong, you have to admit that somewhere down the line you presented yourself one way and your date saw you in a totally different way.  Whether you were clear about your intentions, habits, beliefs and other things, evidently you didn't make your point crystal clear--now the drama begins.

Some men disguise themselves as being the playful, outgoing and talkative types with younger women, at least in the beginning of the relationship; however, in time, they begin to get comfortable, too comfortable.  The same is true for younger women too.  Rather than seeing his younger partner as different than he and vice versa while trying to adjust, he hopes that she will act more like him--laid back, a home body, and whatever else he truly sees himself to be.

Younger, active women have a hard time with older men who don't have much going on outside their jobs and television screens.  If a mature date presented himself not to be the couch potato type early on, then that is what she expects to see, a man who is doing more outside or around the home besides sitting, eating and sleeping.  When the truth comes out about some older men's intentions, habits, and more, he becomes irritable, disappointed, and somehow blames his partner for the false impression he gave her from the start.  "I don't like going places...I don't like seeing shows...I prefer to stay home...I never said I liked that..." the once handsome, active older man who presented himself as such, behind the scenes, is nothing more than a grumpy old man.  Now the relationship takes an ugly turn, "Well, if I would have known this is how you truly are...I would have..." the younger woman complains.  "I thought you knew I was this way!" he retorts.

Age differences play a part in a May-December relationship.  There are those older men who prefer to go to bed early, while others stay up late into the night while nodding on and off in front of TV or computer screens.  There are younger women who do the same.  But if no one shows his or her true colors from the start, then you don't know what you might get later on down the road.

You are what you create.  If you don't want a gold digger, then don't spend money like your younger date is one.  If you don't want a lazy older man, then don't do everything for him.  You get the point?  So do take a good, long look at what you have done so far that caused unnecessary drama in your relationship and work to change it before someone threatens to break up--that is if that hasn't happened already (sigh).

Nicholl McGuire