Exploring Age Gap Relationships: Concerns, Benefits, and Father-Daughter Bonds

 Age gap relationships, also known as May-December romances, are becoming increasingly common in the 21st century. Dating someone who is significantly older than you can come with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. In some cases, families can object to their daughters dating an older man due to safety concerns or potential manipulation.

One of the major reasons why families object to their daughter dating an older man is because of the age gap itself. It can be difficult for a young girl to relate to someone much older than her, and vice versa. This type of relationship can also put the younger partner at risk of manipulation or abuse due to the power imbalance between them.

In addition to safety concerns, some parents feel that it is important for their daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father or a father figure, before entering into an age gap relationship. This can help ensure that the young girl is properly prepared to handle the complexities of an adult relationship without relying on someone who has significantly more life experience than she does.

Statistics show that couples in age gap relationships tend to be happier and last longer than couples in relationships with a smaller age gap. This may be due to the fact that older men have typically had more experience in life, making them better able to handle the complexities of such a relationship.

It’s important for both parents and their daughter to have an open dialogue about age gap relationships when they arise. Acknowledging the potential risks involved, while also understanding the possible benefits can help ensure that any relationship is a healthy one. Ultimately, it’s important for everyone to approach age gap relationships with open minds and an understanding of both sides of the argument.

However, if a daughter does enter into such a relationship, it is important for her to take responsibility for her decisions and be aware of the potential risks. She should assess both partners’ emotional maturity, as well as decide if she is comfortable with the age gap between them. It is also important to remember that such relationships must be consensual in order for it to be healthy and beneficial for all involved.

Age gap relationships can come with their own unique set of challenges but they can also be incredibly rewarding. It is important for families to understand both the potential risks and benefits involved before entering into this type of relationship, so that all parties involved can make an informed decision. With open communication and understanding, age gap relationships can offer a unique opportunity to explore different aspects of life and love.

At the end of the day, it's important for the daughter to make sure that she is making decisions that are in her best interest, and that she feels safe and supported every step of the way. With open communication between all parties involved, it is possible to have a fulfilling age gap relationship.

With this being said, it’s important to remember that no two relationships are the same and that age is just one factor in a successful relationship. What matters most is that both parties are emotionally mature enough to handle the complexities of such a relationship and that there is mutual respect between them. With open communication, understanding, and trust, any two people can have an amazing relationship—regardless of age.

Ultimately, it's important for families and their daughters to understand the potential risks and benefits associated with age gap relationships before entering into one. With open communication, understanding, and making sure that all parties involved are emotionally mature enough to handle such a relationship, it is possible for a fulfilling and rewarding age gap relationship.

This being said, while it can be difficult for families to accept their daughter's decision to enter into an age gap relationship, they must remember to maintain open communication and respect their daughter's autonomy in this matter. Ultimately, it is important that all parties involved acknowledge the potential risks and benefits of such a relationship before entering into it. With mutual understanding and emotional maturity on both sides, any couple can have a fulfilling age gap relationship.

It is also important to remember that any relationship, regardless of the age gap between partners, should be build on mutual trust and respect. With open communication and understanding, all couples have the potential to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship — regardless of the age gap between them.

No matter what type of relationship you enter into, it’s important to remember that communication is key. Both parties must trust and respect each other, while also being open to discussing any potential issues that may arise throughout the course of their relationship. With open communication and understanding, any two people can have an amazing and fulfilling relationship — regardless of age or other factors. 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, check it out on Amazon.com

Sad Reality: Young Partners Will Lose Interest Over Time

John had been searching for love online for quite some time. He was a bit older, but he didn't let that stop him from looking for the perfect partner. One day, he came across a woman who was absolutely stunning. They started talking and it quickly became clear that they had a lot in common. They made plans to go out on dates and soon they were traveling and having long conversations about their dreams for the future. John was thrilled that he had finally found the love of his life.

However, his younger partner began to lose interest in him. She told him that her reasons weren't anything to do with his age, but John could tell that it was a big part of it. He was heartbroken that things hadn't worked out, but he knew that it was for the best. He decided to take some time for himself and focus on his own happiness. Age is often a factor when it comes to younger people's choices in relationships and John was grateful that he had realized this before it was too late.

Age gap relationships are often thought of as being unstable and more likely to end in divorce. But is this really the case? Let's take a look at the statistics.

According to a study by the University of Utah, couples with a five-year age difference between them are 18% more likely to divorce than couples who are the same age. Couples with a 10-year age difference are 39% more likely to divorce, while those with a 20-year age difference have a 95% greater chance of divorcing.

So it seems that, yes, age gaps can be associated with increased odds of divorce. However, it's important to keep in mind that these are just statistical averages and there are many happy,long-lasting age gap marriages out there.bIf you're in an age gap relationship and are concerned about the possibility of breaking up, separation, or divorce, simply talk to your partner about it and see how they feel. Chances are, if you're both committed to each other, your age difference won't be an issue.

So why was John choosing to date younger in the first place? There are plenty of reasons why older people date younger people. Here are just a few:

1. They're more energetic. Let's face it, as we get older we tend to slow down a bit. That's why dating someone who is young and full of energy can be such a breath of fresh air.
2. They have a different perspective on life. Younger people are often more open-minded and willing to try new things than those who are older. This can make for some really exciting dates!
3. They're less set in their ways. Older people often have a lot of set ideas about how they want things to be done, a younger person still has a lot to learn about life and tends not to be as rigid.

Midlife can be challenging for anyone. John had to deal with the sadness of his partner no longer being interested in him, while also trying to maintain his own happiness. It's important to focus on self-care during these times and not prey on youthful partners to make one happy. Sometimes you are able to find someone closer to your age with similar interests, attractive and energetic if you are willing to go the extra mile starting with you! Taking the time for self can be rejuvenating and can allow for greater personal growth.

On Dating an Aging Narcissist

As we get older, we often become more set in our ways. We know what we like and what we don't like, and we can be very stubborn about changing our minds. This can be a good thing in many ways, but it can also make us more resistant to new ideas and experiences.

This can be especially true for the narcissist.   As they age, narcissists can become even more obsessed with their own image and their need for admiration and attention. They may become more critical and judgmental of others, and less able to see things from another person's perspective.

This can make dating a narcissist a challenge, especially if there is a significant age gap between you. Here are some things to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation.

1. Don't take what they say personally.

The narcissist's need for admiration and attention is not about you. It's about them. They may try to draw you into their world and make you feel like you are the only one who matters, but ultimately, they matter and only they.

2. Be prepared for manipulation.

Narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to control and manipulate you to get what they want. Be aware of their tactics and don't let yourself be drawn into their web.

3. Set boundaries.

Narcissists often have a sense of entitlement and can be very demanding. It's important to set boundaries with them and stick to them. Otherwise, they will take advantage of you.

4. Don't get drawn into their drama.

Narcissists love drama. They thrive on it. Don't get caught up in their games and don't let them use you as a pawn in their dramas.

5. Be assertive.

Narcissists often try to control and dominate others. It's important to be assertive with them and stand up for yourself. Otherwise, they will walk all over you.

6. Don't take their criticism personally.

Narcissists are quick to criticize and find fault with others. It's important not to take their criticism personally. If you do, you will become defensive, and they will use your defensive reactions to control and manipulate you.

7. Don't try to change them.

Narcissists are who they are, and they are not going to change. Don't waste your time and energy trying to change them. It's a fruitless endeavor.

8. Accept them for who they are.

Narcissists are who they are and there is nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is accept them for who they are and try to make the best of the situation or walk away and never look back!

9. Don't try to reason with them.

Narcissists are not reasonable people. They will never see your point of view or understand your logic. Trying to reason with them is also a fruitless effort.

10. Set boundaries and stick to them.

Narcissists will try to push your boundaries. They will test you to see how far they can go. It is important that you set boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise, the narcissist will take advantage of you.

11. Don't take their bait.

As mentioned earlier, narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to bait you into arguments and fights. They will try to get a rise out of you. Don't take the bait! Keep your cool and don't let them control you with their games.

12. Don't try to make them love you.

Narcissists are who they are, and love is not what is on their minds when they are involved with you, rather they are more concerned about how you might benefit them financially and sexually.  So, if you think you can somehow buy them everything they want and they will eventually come to love you, that's not happening!  You can't buy love especially when a narcissist has no love to give.  Don’t waste your time and energy trying to get something from a narcissist that they are incapable of giving. It’s a lost cause.

13. Be prepared for the worst.

Narcissists can be very cruel and abusive. They may say and do things that hurt you deeply. It is important that you be prepared for the worst. Have a support system in place so that you can get help if you need it.

14. You may have to leave.

If the narcissist is being abusive, you may have to leave the relationship. It is important to have a safety plan in place so that you can get out quickly and safely if you need to.

15. It's not your fault.

Narcissists can be very convincing. They may try to make you believe that it is your fault that they are the way they are. It is important to remember that it is not your fault. You did not choose to be in a relationship with a narcissist. You are not responsible for their behavior. 

Remember when dating a narcissist, he will be difficult and challenging at times. Second, narcissists age just like everyone else – which means they may become even more difficult to deal with as they get older. Finally, if you are dating a narcissist, it is important to remember that you are not responsible for their behavior. Here are a few more tips on dating an aging narcissist: 

Be prepared for difficult conversations. As narcissist ages, they may become even more difficult to deal with. This means that you need to be prepared for challenging conversations. Be patient and try to understand where they are coming from, even if it is frustrating.

Take care of yourself first. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior. This means that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Make sure to set boundaries and stick to them.

Seek help if needed. If you find yourself struggling to deal with the narcissist, it is important to seek out help from a professional. This can be vital in helping you to deal with the situation in a healthy way.

So Who's the Old Guy? Personal Experience Dating Older Men

I was that relative showing up at the holiday event with the old guy, seen walking with the old guy, and at the club with the old guy years ago.  So, the family didn't like that too much.  "Why are you with that older man?  You are too young for him.  What do you see in him?  What does he see in you?  Oh, you got daddy issues!"  Wow!  Thanks so much fam, for the support! 

It wasn't that the old guy or guys (there was more than one) were seniors who were leaned over in walkers, farting, and scratching their rears!  They were in their 40s (one in his 50s), professionals, dressed well, and had all their senses about them.  I was in my 20s at the time and yes, a head-turner.  

I liked dating those guys, I liked their presence, the way they moved.  They were mature, kind, generous, and took their time about things.  They weren't in a rush to do everything under the sun, they weren't silly men, and they weren't ugly.  They were friendly and I liked friendly.  I talked to just about anyone at that time in my life.  I like good conversation, so hey, they were around, I was around and so let's get the party started!  But that was then....

What have I learned since then when one brings the old guy here there and everywhere?  Your family has a point.  You weren't expecting that, huh?  Do you really know the older guy and what exactly he wants with you?  Do you truly understand what might the future hold if you should get pregnant, get married, and how deep the rabbit hole goes with his past?  Can you handle all of what comes with him or many hims in your 20s?  Looking back, had those men not shielded me from their demons, the answer would be, "No!"  They gave me the g-rated version of themselves because simply put, they were involved with me for a good time.  I wasn't the future.  I was in the meantime.  Let me say that again, in the meantime!  

What I discovered in our talks was that there was a wife, a mistress, ex-girlfriends, and women who had been in their lives who had only wanted friendship and so those ladies got away without giving them a single kiss.  I would later discover for good reasons.  Those friendly, older men didn't want to be faithful, they didn't want to spend money, they didn't want children, they didn't want to be honest with themselves much less anyone else, they didn't want to be going places, all they really wanted was a "I want it now" experience!  

Well, I was in my 20s (young, dumb, and full of...) and I too just wanted an "in the meantime" experience, because the truth was, I really didn't know exactly what I wanted in a relationship.  It just seemed fun shrouding my mind with mystery about Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky, and Mike--lol and I didn’t think I was "Poison" at the time.  I mean that girl might be “poison,” because you couldn't get the upper hand on her and you and the crew couldn’t do her, but I digress.  

I just liked being in the moment and guessing what was behind door number 3 back in the 90s when issues with these "old fools" would arise as my family would put it.  Ignoring all red flag warning signs, operating on cruise control, I saw that their traffic was showing up in my life, uh oh, turn off cruise control to avoid a wreck!  My turning off cruise control was just not calling back, no longer accepting invites, declining gifts, and moving on to the next one who might be better than the last.

I wasn't interested in learning the answer to "why" I dated older in my youth, I just liked doing it until I didn't.  I started connecting the dots much later in life.  Since then, I wrote Say Goodbye to Dad, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, and Laboring to Love Myself for good reasons. I began to connect with my spiritual self and realized the importance of having a faith and why it is crucial early on in life to maintain it so that one isn't here, there, and everywhere--no matter the age!

So, who really was the old guy or guys who were either invited or randomly showing up in my life?  They were extensions of an old me, who wanted to become a new me, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it between all the distractions.  

Upon closer inspection of these older men and what they had going on or not, they represented what I wanted for me!  I wanted a car back then, but I had no driver's license, so they were all-too willing to drive me.  But that's not what I needed--I needed a teacher.  I wanted money, lots of it, and they were willing to buy me a dinner here and a movie ticket there, but they weren't going to pay my bills.  What I needed was a career coach.  They were creative and some were handy.  Nice compliments to my lifestyle, but it didn't hurt to learn a trade or two so I could fix my own stuff.  

A couple of older men already had families that they were supposedly responsible for (so why be out in those streets)?  I didn't need to involve myself in their family dramas, I just needed to continue to read about marriage and family in the quiet of my place. 

You see, the dating older, at least for me, was much deeper than it appeared to be.  I hadn't put it altogether at that time in my life because I simply didn't know what was happening with me or them.  Then I also learned they were having a mid-life crisis even though they wouldn't dare say so.  They were still trying to figure out what they wanted at that time in their lives; oftentimes they weren't all that happy about where they were in life.  I was somehow a vision/fantasy/a goal of what they had yet to accomplish in life or in some cases they had not come to terms with their youthful passions were officially over. 

My youth was still very much alive and thriving and that’s what those older guys back then wanted for themselves again.  One said, "I made him feel alive again..."  Another one said, "I feel like I am back in high school again."  Another guy said, "I'll leave my wife for you!"  What!?  My energy was what they remembered from yesteryear.  My drive to win at whatever I was doing professionally made them feel like they could do some things differently in their lives including a few pursuing other careers and making more money based on my suggestions.  They lived vicariously through me when I performed (I had my own poetry group and I acted part-time).  I talked about what my next moves were back in college including moving out of state to pursue a career in journalism, and why I enjoyed what I did at the time.  So, I was not only "cute, beautiful, gorgeous, energetic, fun, cool to be around," they would say, but I had a lot going on in my young life.

So, the next time you or someone you know starts that conversation with, "Who's the old guy?" Just say, "He's a part of me in the meantime."  If they don't get it, no need to explain. Looking back at young me and giving her a bit of advice, I wouldn't say why are you dating these old guys, rather I would say, "Let's get this guy to either teach you how to drive or pay for lessons.  Let's get that other guy to hook you up with some names and numbers to help you get a better job.  And your other friend, well girlfriend, don't continue to befriend him, he already got what you are trying to get one day, marriage and family.  Don’t waste your time with people seeking vain pursuits!" 

When you discover that the old guy is you, it's time to rediscover who exactly you want to become by putting off the old guy and putting on the new you! 

Nicholl McGuire is the owner and contributor to this blog.  Learn more here.

The Wise Older Men Who will Not be Played by Youth and Beauty

Around the globe, there are many older men, whether immature or not, who date younger women, but for the wise man, he is not like other men, who may be older by number, yet still have much growing up to do.

Experienced and mature, the older, single man refuses to be misled by a wayward young woman who knows little about him or respects his life experiences.  The unwise and immature woman assumes she knows him, because her father, uncle, male co-worker and ex-boyfriend are older.  She may have been spoiled or not by the men in her life.  She may have envisioned what her ideal younger Mr. Right might be, yet learned the hard way that he simply doesn't exist.  She may have a list of 20 plus things she wants from a man, based on her conversations with older women, and still hasn't scored big.  The young lady may have deceptive plans to get her needs met by any means necessary.  

After learning of a young woman's ill intentions, the mature man will not be so kind, no matter how beautiful. He is aware of the youthful one who fakes interest in him just so that she can fulfill a void or worse get close to his connections, material assets or other more attractive things.  

These charming young women, who unfortunately do manipulative things, will eventually "need space, want to break up" when they have had enough of the older man's resistance and wise observations. The mature man just might drive the poor girl out of his life, because he has seen that type before!

When we think of those abusive older men, who were quite cruel, to young women, we may have overlooked their reasons as to why they behaved so harshly.  Of course, it is not ever acceptable to abuse anyone, but what might have triggered some abusive older men to behave so disrespectfully with younger women?  For some men, they realized that what they did in their youth to others, came back around full circle and they hated their younger partners for it!  The idea that someone so beautiful, friendly, and considerate could so easily and effortlessly hurt them is too much too deal with for some disturbed men, so they go off mentally and/or physically!  The older men, who are known abusers, are dangerous and will not tolerate younger women lying, stealing, cheating, or doing any other things to hurt them whether justified or not.

Now the more self-controlled older man, wise in his ways, he will be strategic in what he does to learn more about the young woman who he might suspect has her share of motives for agreeing to date him.  He will not be so easily charmed into believing that the woman is in like or love with him.  He realizes that there is a significant age difference and so with that he will have many questions and would want very much to find out, "Why me?  What does she like about me?  What does she really want from me?"  He has every right to question what is it about this young lady that she is drawn to concerning him especially when most young women wouldn't even look twice at him much less accept his advances.  

At the start of the relationship, it will seem too good to be true.  That's because it probably is!  Whether the young lady knows that she has her share of personal issues or not concerning dating older men, for the logical-minded man, he knows that one day she will awake to a harsh truth, her personal reality, that someone or something was absent in her life and that the older man who is in her life now is there to fulfill that void.  For the sake of her beauty, attention and warm affection, the older man, whether wise or not, just might accept his role, but in the back of his mind he knows the truth.

When dating the younger woman, the wise older man is not going to be too concerned about the challenges he faces while dating her, because as a man, most people are not going to approach him with, "Why are you dating her?"  They know better.  He also knows that he has more life experience so he knows that he can provide some value to her life.  What may bother him in time, however, is what can the young woman really do for him?  Is she an added benefit to his life or a burden?  He may be tempted to "train" her into a role that she may or may not be willing to accept.  During the early part of the relationship, she may be resistant to his requests and strategies.  Unfortunately, she might view what he is suggesting/advising/arguing about as being controlling.

Many challenges might arise in the May-December romance, but ultimately what is to be learned is that the wise older man is not easily charmed by the youth and beauty of a woman.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

Stay or Breakup - When the Younger or Older Date May Not Want a Relationship Anymore

Age gap dating.  You thought you could stick it out, but he is just too old or she is just too young.  You didn't think much about this before, but now there are things he or she is saying or doing that make you think twice about continuing an age gap relationship.  Chances are your well-meaning relatives warn you of times like these, but you said, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Sure.

To stay or break up?  You probably thought about the following:

1)  If I stay I could remain in what could be a potentially great relationship when I'm older.

2)  If I stay my partner might change into the man or woman of my dreams.

3)  If I stay, he or she might be a great dad or mom to my future offspring.

4)  If I stay, I might be well taken care of and continue to feel safe for a long time with him or her.

5)  If I stay, we might acquire much in our lifetimes and I won't have to worry so much. 

But if I break up...

1)  I will be free to date other men or women closer to my age.

2)  I won't have to be concerned about having children one day.

3)  I won't wrestle so much with feelings related to the age gap any longer.

4)  I won't have to take care of him in the future since it appears his health is declining. 

I won't have to worry that she will run off and be with someone more healthier and fit.

5)  I won't have to keep up with his requests and demands because he assumes I'm younger so I can handle them.

I won't have to keep up with this young woman's requests and demands, because I am too old for this---been there, done that!

These thoughts are just some of many that might go through a woman or man's mind who is contemplating on staying or breaking up.  If an older partner doesn't know or refuses to talk about the issues, the break up is inevitable.  If the younger woman has a nonchalant attitude about these issues when discussed, the mature gentleman will want to break up with her sooner rather than later.  

One will need to look at what is driving the negative thoughts.  Did he or she view media that made him or her think about these things?  Did someone talk to a partner and raise doubts?  Has future plans changed that doesn't include a partner?  Have there been so many disagreements lately that may be causing discord?  Do both people feel like there are not enough things they have in common with one another to sustain the relationship?

Whatever the issues, there is nothing wrong with looking inwardly at what you really want from the relationship.  In any relationship, whether age gap or not, people change.  Some couples grow weary of one another because there was never any solid foundation between the pair from the start.  The older gentleman or younger woman could have been a rebound from a past relationship that left he or she heartbroken.  Therefore, the new partner was a nice distraction from the past pain, but didn't do much more than that emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.  

The age gap pair could have developed a trauma bound because they had more negative in common than positive when they shared experiences.  They may have been great friends that thought having a sexual relationship would be a good idea only to find out they should have remained platonic friends. 

Decide what it is that you truly want out of your life, before discussing whether you want to stay or break up with a partner.  Ask yourself the following:

1)  Have I begun to work on or accomplish my dreams since being with this person?

2)  Is this person a great support in helping me reach my life goals or does he or she look for ways to talk me out of doing things I thoroughly enjoy?  (If you don't have any goals start writing them.)

3)  By next Valentine's Day, what did we accomplish together that bettered our relationship?

4)  When this person comes around me or when they call me, do I feel content to hear his or her voice or does this person simply annoy me and I can't wait to get away from her or him?

5)  Can I honestly say that I love this person not just what they do for me or the kind words they say to me?

6)  Do I feel proud being out in public with this person or do I look for ways to avoid inviting this person to go out with me? 

7)  Can I see myself with this person 5, 10, or even 15 plus years from now?  Why or why not?

If you answered most of these questions with negative responses and you really have no desire to do anything different, it is safe to say that maybe this person isn't right for you regardless of his or her age.  

Whenever positives outweigh the negatives in any relationship and there is no way of resolving them, this is when the hard decisions will need to be made.  Two people must be willing to work together on the issues rather than frequently arguing about them. 

Think about this, if you honestly believe your relationship is a dead-end headed nowhere, why continue to be unavailable to that one person (somewhere in this world) who really wants to be with you while being available to that one person who doesn't complete you and appears to care less about you?

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.

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When an Older Partner is Not as Nice-Looking as He Once Was - Stay Positive

Age gap dating, the challenge of getting older (sigh).  For the younger woman, his lines, age marks, wrinkles, and gray hair came way too fast since their first encounter. 

The day you, who are much younger, realized your guy was old, maybe a lot older than you, he may have been shocking to view without his beauty aides, but you kept quiet.  "Where did time go?  What or who had I been looking at all this time?" you might have thought.  He could have thought the same about you too (but I digress).

When dating someone older or married to a person decades older, it is very easy to see what you like about him or her when they are still relatively attractive.  However, time isn't always kind to everyone especially when we age and now what was once appealing isn't.  If your relationship was built on looks, well you might want to start looking for other things you like about that individual other than superficial things as soon as possible.  It is only a matter of time that your older partner will notice that you just aren't that into him like you once were.

Appreciate his great personality.  This doesn't seem to go anywhere when one is still full of energy despite his looks.  Some older people, no matter what the life challenges may be, still manage to thrive.  There is still hope for a relationship when the person works to maintain that shimmering personality.  So close your eyes and embrace all that positive energy he offers!

Share a zest for life.  People who enjoy life, seek all sorts of ways to stay engaged and active.  Check to see that your gentleman is doing just that.  However, if one is turning into a miserable, older person, who doesn't see anything good from one day to the next, this will not only steal what little youthful look he might still have, but cause you to often dream of running away.  Therefore, encourage him to regain his youth, not by living vicariously through you, but enjoying all that life has to offer for himself.

Learn a thing or two about his finances.  He works hard and knows how to manage his money or so you hope.  He has plans and you just might be a part of those plans in the future--good for you both!  Yes, as much as we don't want to look at how much money one makes, it's going to be a challenge when the individual is no longer providing a lavish lifestyle for himself and no one else.  You can be a beacon of light by offering suggestions on saving money rather than spending up his money every chance you get (maybe your not like this, but just in case you have been).  He may not be that attractive anymore, but he knows that his money might still be.  He need not be irresponsible with it to keep you, capice?

Take interest in his hobbies.  Anyone who enjoys doing something other than a partner, well that is awesome!  So this guy has a hobby that is interesting and you could even be a part of helping with his hobby.  If it is reasonable and more, well it doesn't hurt to take interest and ask questions.  He just might be impressed.

Work out.  So things go downhill on the outside, but they don't have to on the inside!  You just might find the mature guy a bit more attractive when you see that body moving weight around or running on the treadmill rather than remaining sedentary for hours.  He might even say, "Not only am I doing this for me, but for you, Babe!"  How sweet!  The gentleman might find you even more attractive because he sees that you care about your body too! 

So you see, there is more than meets the eye!  You can have a great relationship with a guy who unfortunately is having his share of challenges in the looks department.  But when he has all these other wonderful attributes, who cares about looks?

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.  Check online wherever books are sold.

Interracial Relationship Frustrations in Time of Crisis

Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger

There are life lessons to be learned the hard way when it comes to dating older and younger.  Some things you simply don't learn by someone cautioning you, you end up discovering why they warned you in the first place much later in life.  You most likely heard the following:

"She is just too young for you.  What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?"  Life lesson:  She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.

"He is too old for you.  Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?"  Life lesson:  He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child.  He doesn't care much what the child does.

"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?"  Life lesson:  She is so immature.  What was I thinking?

"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!"  Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.

Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance.  There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.

So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time.  He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older.  She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger.  What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.

The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship.  He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it.  He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did.  The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient.  She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances.  Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you?  Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"

No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do!  You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age.  He is so mature for his...not like those other guys."  Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship.  You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives.  You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated.  You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks.  A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers.  There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts.  An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.

You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom.  Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met.  The excuses get old.  Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines.  If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again?  If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth?  Why are you in a relationship again?

Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together.  This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in.  It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.

The Isolated, Controlled Young Victim (Woman)

She didn’t realize she had isolated herself from family and friends until she stopped hearing the phone ring.

The older gentlemen didn’t fully comprehend what he had done when he told his Significant Younger Other things like: “Stay home with me sometime…”, “You go out too much,” “Miss you,” “Can’t get enough of you…”  When the young woman dismissed what he had said, questioned, or ignored his concerns, he punished her with silent treatment for weeks.  He understood somewhat that his guilt-tripping her was upsetting.  However, he felt justified in doing so because he didn’t like feeling uncomfortable when she was gone away.  Further, he didn’t like her reasons for wanting to enjoy herself without him periodically.

In time, she learned how to do what he wanted to “keep the peace,” “to keep him from giving her the cold shoulder,” and “to get along, because the stress wasn’t worth it.”  The victim believed she was compromising and building a healthy relationship, but was she?

The controlling man had won!  Although at times the victim felt alone, confused, and didn’t feel like she could do anything right, she shrugged her emotions off.  The concerns about her leaving grew into other issues the older man felt he needed to manage.  He wanted her to be more generous with her finances.  Then the abuser expected her to meet household needs like: grocery shopping and cleaning.  While his demands increased, her self-esteem decreased.

Isolation keeps others from knowing exactly what is going on in one’s relationship.  A victim learns to grow dependent on her controller and less independent.  Insecure abusers, who also have low self-esteem, feel a sense of importance when they are able to manipulate their victims into giving up their freedom.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Young Women: The Pretty Boy will Play You Even if He is Older

When will some young and old women learn?  The pretty boy (or once pretty boy) has been well-trained by other attractive individuals on how to benefit from those men and women who aren’t as appealing as he.  The strategy: to use his handsome appearance to get what he wants.  The unattractive targets need not be concerned about your wants just be glad you were able to catch his eye.  Terrible attitude the pretty boy has, but with such good looks why be concerned with attitude? In his eyes, you should be d@mn grateful to even be in the same room with him!  

When you come from a family of beautiful and handsome men and women, most likely those in the group have repeatedly encouraged you and other family members to connect with someone who is just as attractive if not more.  In so many ways, they tell you, "Don't bring any ugly people around here!"  So older might fall under the ugly category if you don't keep your looks up.  So shallow conceited people are, but you don't have to date/sex/marry them!

Let’s face it, stunning men and women don’t come around often, and when they do, oftentimes most not-so appealing people will want to talk, date, or have a fling with them.  This is why some older men don't care if a hottie has 10 boyfriends in addition to him, all some gentlemen care about is how "fine," "sexy" or "young" she is and when can they have sex.  Mature men know it isn't often that a young, attractive person comes their way, so when they do, "What do you like?"  Is one of many charming questions they might ask in attempt to get their needs met too.

If that handsome man, who knows he is fine, shows a little interest in someone who isn’t attractive, the individual receiving the attention thinks that he or she is on top of the world.  Desperation tends to come out with the dare I say it, ugly person to stay in that attractive person’s radar because he or she knows that there are many others they could be with instead of him or her.

Unattractive people with low self-esteem tend to put far more into relationships with pretty boys than most.  They even stick around well past the expiration date.  They know a relationship is unfulfilling, yet they try to make things work, because, "Well, he is so good-looking!"  They know they are gorgeous, have more opportunities, etc., yet they will go the distance with pretty boys if they can stand the pain of cheating, lying, power and control remaining with them.  Pretty boys who don't know they are jaw-dropping handsome tend to pick partners who may not even come close to appealing, but are "nice" or "easy to talk to." 

Of course, there is more than meets the eye in some of these relationships, but when exactly do you know that a pretty boy is merely putting on an act?  You don't unless you pay attention to signs that his mind is everywhere but on you.  He knows that he isn’t that into you, he thinks he might grow to love you, but the reality this might happen is dismal.  

A selfish, pretty boy always has it in the back of his mind, "I can do better.  Why do I bother with this ugly, over weight, unattractive, or crazy woman?"  The reason who puts up with whoever or whatever in the meantime is because he is getting one or many of his most important needs met: house, car, bills paid, clothes bought, travel, gifts, etc.

The pretty boys' women have money, a generous spirit, connections, and good credit while the women who might be equally beautiful don’t have as much.  Anyone with good sense knows you go where the opportunity is.  No matter how sexy someone looks, if he or she can’t keep a roof over his or her head, food in the fridge, and money in his or her pocket, then that person isn't worth anyone's time especially for the pretty boy!  Many pretty boys are also mama's boys and most likely were told to look your best and you will get the best!  Shallow-thinking moms raise shallow-thinking sons.

Pretty boys are use to being cared for and are typically the favorite in the family.  If they have used their handsomeness to get over on family and ahead in life, a less attractive partner will need to be aware that he will use his beautiful eyes, dashing smile, fit build, and charming words to control her too.  He knows that his woman feels insecure, threatened, and might even lose her cool around competition, so if he does have women friends or lovers, he is going to be careful to keep them on the down low.  He doesn’t want to mess up the money, gifts and other things he might be getting from his unattractive woman.

Some older men still think they are pretty boys even when beauty has long faded due to the gaining process and not taking good care of themselves over decades.  They may have received many compliments in their youth, but now that they are older, they simply aren’t nice to view especially for a long period of time or on a daily basis.  This is why their relationships with younger companions don't last over time.  

Older men who think they still got it are often frustrated when they see the truth for what it is.  There are far better looking men who are working hard to take care of themselves.  They are turning heads and find it easy to meet women.  But the unattractive men, who falsely believe they still got it, learn the hard way.  Most women, especially young ones, are really not interested in them unless money, security, power and fame are involved.  

Many selfish women look to the Internet to solve their problems with meeting "the right men."  It is then that the playing starts.  Both the attractive as well as the unattractive older men, who falsely believe they are something that they are not, sometimes operate like gold-diggers hoping to obtain not only sex, but fun times they don’t have to pay for with women--think: the attractive Dine and Dash type.  Meanwhile, these sex starved, desperate women will gladly welcome them not knowing they are being played even before these men’s dating profiles are fully completed.

Best advice: Don't date for looks or for money!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues. 

You Can't Help Who You Fall in Love With...

You might not be able to help who you fall in love with, but you can exercise self-control through the process. Too many people claim to be in love, but are they really?  It looks more like falling head over heals in lust with others before they truly experience real love. 

You know that your "love" for someone isn't real when you are easily offended over the things they say or do no matter how harmless and you find it hard to forgive.  You know that you aren't in love when you are more concerned about one's appearance and less focused on how they respond to you.  You know that you are still getting over your past when you find that your emotions are not aligning with the person you are currently with no matter how much you convince yourself you love him or her.

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Love is active, peaceful, freeing, hopeful, caring, and considerate.  But what love isn't is unkind, rude, arrogant, and selfish.  You may love someone and he or she might be significantly older or younger.  Check whether you sincerely believe that what you are feeling for this person is indeed love.  Here's how...

1) When your partner is around, your thoughts are not often negative, but positive--you aim to please!

2)  You think twice about talking rudely to your partner like saying mean things about him or her whether in-person or behind his or her back.

3)  You often think of a future with your fellow or gal and you just can't see yourself living without him or her.

4)  You are determined to make your relationship work no matter how difficult it gets.  However, you have far more positive days then negative ones.

5) Any form of abuse is absent from your relationship.  You wouldn't even think of insulting or assaulting your loved one.

6)  You don't hesitate to help that special someone when called upon or even when there is no request.  You are conscience of your partner's needs. "Thoughtful and considerate..." are words that your partner uses to describe you.

7)  You don't mind proclaiming to the world that this person is your mate.  You will defend him or her no matter what!

Whether black, brown, yellow or white, you just don't care about what others think.  You love your friend and that is all that matters!

Learn more about Nicholl McGuire, owner of this blog, here: Facebook.

On Ending a Miserable Relationship

A man tells a woman that he is in love with her, wants the pair to move in together, and promises to marry her and have children with his special lady one day.  The woman is excited about the future.  She tells her friends just how much her new man has made her happy.  The two plan dates on when to move-in together and discuss a future date for a wedding.  It all appears normal, right?

As the relationship matures, the couple begins to notice things about one another’s personalities that turn them off.  The man is easily angered over small things like how his partner organizes things and how often she visits with her family.  The woman isn’t happy about the way her mate talks to her when he needs something and isn’t fond of how he smells.  In time, the little issues grow into bigger ones and the two break up.  The former couple moves on with their lives.

During the process of breaking up, like the couple described previously, many individuals don't do anything about the anger still within after disputes.  Communication might have left one another feeling disrespected.  Offensive comments said by relatives and friends might have caused conflict.  Bad relationships don't end up on any road toward forgiveness.  Unfortunately, future daters coming along don’t know about the rude awakening that is sure to come when one is still not over his or her ex or other past partners.

Ending a miserable relationship is not something that happens easily when feelings are still apparent between the pair, but it can be done successfully if one doesn't fall back into the arms of the one who is hurting him or her. 

1.  Find some time to be alone.  Ponder on the things that have made you so unhappy in the relationship.

2.  Talk with loved ones about how you feel in the relationship and consider their advice.

3.  Don't spend much time with a partner you are strongly thinking about breaking up with, this will only cause confusion.  You want to be clear with him or her that you are unhappy.

4.  Expect your date to act ugly during this time when you both aren't getting along, so be sure you safeguard your personal possessions and you alert necessary parties about a crazy ex.

5.  Whatever you do, don't play the make up to break up game because you will only prolong the break up process.

6.  As much as you want to believe someone has changed, the change he or she claims is temporary.  Most people are who they are and can't easily go from being a mean-spirited person to a sweetheart overnight unless their rage was substance induced.  

Working toward a happy ending for you is the best way to end a relationship.  You are no longer thinking of "We" but "I."  You recognize that a miserable connection is not what you want and so you do what it takes to free you of your mistake.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, She's Crazy, and Laboring to Love Myself

Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them

The smitten older man does what he can to draw the young lady into his arms and then when things get a bit stale, holidays show up, or requests are made to spend more time together, he grows cold toward his partner.  The young woman thinks the older man is something special until relationship challenges show up.  These people who fall out of love (lust) quickly, charm and then grow distant are difficult to be in relationships with--they will not remain committed for long.  The holidays can motivate some couples to behave this way especially if they have a long history of breaking hearts or being heartbroken.

What is it about those who love others then leave them?  Do they really want committed relationships?  Sometimes they do, but they don't want to take a look at their personal pain, heal from it, and move on to a quality relationship.  For some, they are simply too tired, lazy, self-absorbed, or emotionally wounded to bother.  They don't examine the influences around them growing up, they don't address the trauma they have gone through, and they often believe themselves to be right even when they are wrong in the way that they treat people.

Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad.  Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back.  Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them.  In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.

Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships.  They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live.  If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger.  Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.

Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act.  However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever.  You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:

1)  You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2)  You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3)  He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4)  Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5)  You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you.  The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time.  Could you do that without me?"
7)  Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.

Nicholl McGuire

Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.

You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change

He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others.  The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors.  He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion.  When you meet him, you have struck gold!  He is loving and wants what is best for you.  You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.

Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception.  Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration.  His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.

Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men.  You either learn to tolerate them or move on.  As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere.  Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.

Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause).  The pair don't tend to get along either.  This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce.  Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too.  A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is.   Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.

So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger.  However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them.  They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.

Exercise and Health - It Makes a Difference

Take a moment and look around, what do you see on TV screens, social networking sites, on the street, and more?  Other than the attractive men and women, there are many who have let themselves go.  Their faces show that they have been through much.  Past break ups, financial challenges, emotional and/or physical pain, workplace issues, and more.  Where does all the stress go?  It shows up on their bodies.  Exercise and maintaining your health is important especially if you are dating or in a serious relationship with someone.

On another blog, I talked about "Midlife Mean" a stage in men's lives that make them easily angered and mistreat partners.  If one doesn't take care of his self he will be moody.  He also won't make for a good mate/lover/friend and the same is true if you are younger as well. 

Daily exercise such as walking, running, tending to household chores, and more will assist with one's health challenges, but he or she must also be willing to eat healthy too and watch his or her portion sizes and the times one chooses to eat and abstain from food too.  If you are having some health trouble, do take the time to make a doctor's appointment to find out what might be causing your symptoms.

If you have ever felt quite miserable after eating too much or even too little, you may have experienced a fluctuation in your mood, tiredness, irritability, and more.  Staying consistent in your eating and exercise habits as well as taking necessary supplements will uplift you mentally and physically.  Your partner will begin to notice a change in you and most likely will want to do similar things.

Part of having a quality relationship with someone is showing them just how much you love and appreciate them, but you also have to do the same for you too!  Take care of your body and it will take care of you!

Nicholl McGuire

Disgruntled Ex, Unhappy Dating Younger, Older

They don't like it, they despise it, exes angry that their former partners have moved on with someone younger.  They thought that the marriage or relationship was going to last, "meant to be" and then things changed.  Now exes are disgruntled, jealous, and even plotting revenge!  How does someone in an age gap relationship handle an ex along with the family members and mutual friends who support him or her?

You will need to make it clear you are no longer interested in a relationship with an ex.  Some people just don't give up easy, so they will beg, plead, or even make a nuisance of themselves with "Remember when..." stories and "You know you still love me" types of phrases.  Yet, the truth is you want to get as far away from an ex as possible, right?  If not, don't play mind games with your current partner or else you lose.  For example, young, attractive women know they can replace older partners with ease. If an older man is still in love with an ex or is still caught up with an ex's sweet words and other niceties, then he needs to take the time to figure out his situation alone and disconnect from a current partner until he knows what he wants to do.  Stringing anyone along who you are unsure of while masking true feelings will cause much stress for the both of you.

Distance yourself emotionally and physically from exes.  This takes time but it can be done.  Don't discuss your personal life, decisions, or future with an ex.  He or she is really not your friend no matter how much you both might say you are.  What usually happens is a line or boundary you or an ex established is crossed sooner or later and when this happens whether a former partner was cross with you or flirtatious, you will experience guilty feelings, anger, and most likely will take your suppressed emotions out on your current partner.  Your unsuspecting and confused partner will not understand what is going on with you and your behavior just might lead to a major falling out or worse break up.

The phone conversations, invites to a meal, special events, and more cause unnecessary drama for new couples when exes are still around.  When you have children with an ex, you can still remain respectful but distant by not sharing details about your new life no matter how nosey or so called "caring" your ex is about you.  Oftentimes people use children as an excuse to keep an ex close or keep some kind of control over them.  Don't fall for the manipulation, rise above it and consult with an attorney or law enforcement if your ex is acting abusively or threatening to you or your new partner.

A new partner is only able to tolerate so much from a former partner or many.  You shouldn't expect him or her to be understanding when you still have unresolved issues with an ex or exes.  Always take care of your problems before you enter a new relationship and manage them while you are in one.  New relationships are challenging enough and the last thing anyone wants is a disgruntled, miserable, seductive, or vengeful ex around.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  Get your copy today!

Feeling Guilty About Dating Someone Younger, Older?

You were okay with the idea of dating someone older or younger until someone said something unflattering, you noticed stares from others, or your partner acted in a way that made you think, "What am I doing?"  You press forward dating the special someone anyway hoping that feelings of doubt, guilt, or worry will just go, but they don't.  You distract yourself from thinking negatively.  You look for the good in your connection.  You try real hard to make things work, but to no avail.  Ready to call it quits?

Feeling guilty about dating someone half your age or more or less is something that occurs when your dating out of the range that you are used to.  It's new, different and not everyone approves.  People have their share of hang-ups about getting older along with what they should and shouldn't do at certain ages so it isn't any surprise that someone or a group is giving you some flack about your choice in a partner.  But it's okay, you will survive the criticism.  If you really want to go all the way with the pretty young lady or mature gentleman, you will do it whether others like it or not.  Yet, if your personal concerns are getting the best of you lately, then you might as well talk about them with your companion and a therapist or counselor.  The last thing you want to do is one day commit to someone that you are really unsure about.

For older men they have their share of challenges about dating younger for obvious reasons that range from maturity level to health woes.  Then of course younger women are concerned about dating older men when they still very much value what others think, desire a family, and may not feel all that attracted to them as their partners age.  So there are those personal thoughts to consider, but above them all one must think, "Is this what I really want or am I just settling, trying a new experience until someone better comes along?"

Weigh in on your feelings and harness what is starting to make you feel so bad.  Could you be doing or saying something that makes you or your date feel awful about being together?  Are there unresolved issues of the past that are affecting your current relationship?  Does this person make you feel like you are dating a relative?  Ugh.  Whatever the issue might be, only you know what you can tolerate. 

Feeling a steady increase of guilt is a warning sign you just might need to slow down and avoid dating young or old.  You also might want to reconsider who you are confiding in about your relationship.  There are plenty of people who have their personal issues about age gap relationships while others are jealous and can only wish to attract a successful date or gorgeous young woman.  If you find that there is simply too much negativity coming from family, friends and others, you will need to spend some time away from them, sort out your feelings, and then make a decision whether the person you are with is really worth all the upset.  Once you know what you sincerely want, you introduce your partner to loved ones while making it clear how special he or she is to you.  When you take the relationship seriously, others will at the very least recognize that you deeply care for your companion and will back off if they want to keep a positive connection with you.

Don't allow guilt to get in the way of a potentially great relationship!

Nicholl McGuire