Showing posts sorted by relevance for query andropause. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query andropause. Sort by date Show all posts

Friday

Midlife Crisis, Depressed and Anxious, Do Something About It

Often portrayed in only humorous terms in popular culture, male midlife crisis has very real physical causes. Beginning around age 30, testosterone gradually decreases, and can lead to depression, decreased sex drive or erectile dysfunction. In addition, a corresponding increase in SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) impairs the body's ability to use testosterone.

As well, as men enter midlife, they sleep more lightly, spending less time in a state of deep sleep. This can lead to weight gain, fatigue and irritability because the body is unable to make enough of the hormones required for energy and optimal functioning.

Doing Something About Male Midlife Crisis

There are several steps you can take to improve your overall feeling of well-being and reduce the likelihood of related worries such as sexual dysfunction.

Managing stress will help you sleep easier, as well as reduce symptoms like irritability and fatigue. A daily B-complex vitamin can reduce stress, and minerals like selenium and chromium can boost energy.

Getting plenty of exercise not only has the obvious physical benefits, but it also encourages the quality deep sleep that is important for men undergoing the physical changes of midlife. You should also avoid stimulants like coffee several hours before bed.

Testosterone replacement therapy may also be an appropriate solution that helps mitigate the effects of male midlife.

How Is Testosterone Involved with Male Midlife Crisis?

A consistent finding in the scientific literature is that testosterone increase even by replacement therapy produces an increased feeling of well-being. Published studies show that low levels of free testosterone correlates with symptoms of depression and other psychological disorders.

According to Jonathan Wright, M.D., co-author of Maximize Your Vitality & Potency, the following effects have been reported in response to low free testosterone levels:

• Loss of ability to concentrate
• Moodiness and emotionality
• Touchiness and irritability
• Great timidity
• Feeling weak
• Inner unrest
• Memory failure
• Reduced intellectual agility
• Passive attitudes
• General tiredness
• Reduced interest in surroundings

Two major issues of a man in midlife crisis - depression and anxiety - are directly related to his current levels of bio-available free testosterone. Proper testosterone replacement therapy can deal effectively with much at the heart of midlife male depression by boosting the levels of bio-available testosterone in the body.

Is Testosterone Replacement Therapy Right for Me?

The first step toward testosterone replacement therapy is a physical exam and a series of blood tests, including a PSA (protein-specific antigen) test, are ordered to measure testosterone levels. If testosterone levels are low, your physician can discuss the various treatment options. Many insurance companies cover the costs of andropause treatment, and male menopause treatment can often be purchased with a tax advantaged, flexible savings account.

Male hormone replacement therapy and testosterone replacement are effective, low testosterone treatment options for men with andropause. If you have any symptoms associated with andropause, such as low energy, irritability, hot flashes, abdominal weight gain, loss of muscle strength, loss of sex drive and the inability to maintain an erection, talk to your doctor. The sooner you speak with a physician and get checked for low testosterone levels, the sooner you can begin feeling like yourself again.

What to look for in a Male Hormone Replacement Therapy Provider:

1. Look for a male hormone replacement therapy program that is tailored to your specific and individualized needs.
2. Ensure your hormone program is under the supervision of a physician that is trained in hormone deficiencies in men.
3. Monitoring of your hormone levels. The original test for andropause should only be the first in a series of tests. You will want to have your blood tested periodically to ensure the current program is optimized for your individual needs.
4. Experience. Be sure the entity with whom you work has a solid track record. If they are trying to sell you hormones -- be careful. If they are telling you what they do and how it relates to you needs in an informational frame work -- be hopeful and encouraged.

Jim Michels is an expert on how to treat low testosterone and andropause symptoms. His company renewman.com focuses on male menopause and andropause and specializes in treating male menopause symptoms through male hormone replacement therapy, testosterone replacement and low testosterone treatment

Monday

What Some People Say About Men with Younger Women


You don’t mean to stare at the unusual pair walking by, but you do.  Yet, when you are the one in a peculiar relationship, you are wondering, “Why does it seem like everyone is looking at my date and I?”  Then you think, “What could they be thinking?”  Sometimes people aren’t really concerned about what others are doing.  But there are those, who love to people watch and they are thinking the ever-popular question, “What is she doing with him?” among other things.

“She is only with him for the money.”

You knew this statement was coming and if you are the one with the money you might be thinking, “Well is she?”  Discuss the issue amongst yourselves, but definitely don’t allow others to talk about it with you.  Most often people who are already receiving money from the mature partner will raise the red flag on the relationship, because they fear that they will no longer receive any money now that the mature partner is seeing this younger woman.

“He is too old to be dating someone her age – he’s robbing the cradle.”

Is he really too old or is she too young?  Well to some people maybe this comment is cause for concern, especially if someone skipped out on their marriage, dating a child etc. but if none of which applies to your relationship, why bother responding?

“What do her parents think about her dating someone much older?”

This may be a concern for a few due to personal reasons or because they are concerned the younger partner might not be legal age.  But does it really matter?

“I wouldn’t date someone my son or daughter’s age and definitely not my dad’s.”

As we all know who we choose to date is our personal business.  However, some critics can’t help but comment because they know they don’t have the courage or interest in dating someone younger or older.  Responding to a comment like this is a waste of time.  If you do, you will look immature and the naysayer just might feel good watching you react negatively.  Just ignore this person or better yet get it understood early on, especially if this person is a relative, to exercise a little self-control over their tongue if he or she wants to keep you in his or her life.  

“She must not have a close relationship with her father.”

Some people assume the worse, because they have heard of stories where young women have specifically dated older men because their own fathers didn’t meet their needs.  Maybe this happens for many younger women dating older men, but not all.  If you are a younger woman who doesn’t have a close relationship with your dad and you feel that it is affecting your relationship with your partner, maybe you might want to consider independent counseling, reconnecting with your father if you can, or sitting down with someone who knows him well to get answers to unresolved issues.  If you are the mature partner, you may want to watch for signs that she is in fact using you to fill a role in her life that wasn’t met by her dad.  If so, then you may want to discuss your concerns.

“He is going through a mid-life crisis (andropause) that’s why he is with her.”

Dating younger women is something that many men who have severe symptoms of andropause do, but once again there are exceptions to the rule.  A younger woman will want to observe her mate and watch for signs if she suspects that possibly she is one of many of her older partner’s andropause symptoms. 

“Why do older men always go after younger women?”

This statement is usually said by women who feel insecure, jealous and angered about past issues.  Others are simply curious.  When some younger women hear a comment like this, it might work for or against her self-esteem depending on how committed she is to the relationship.  She may ask the same thing of the older man or wonder what he sees in her.  Her partner will have to say the kind of things to keep her interested and secure in the relationship. 

“I was never interested in dating men my dad’s age or older, that’s crazy!”

Younger people can sometimes be the harshest critics of a relationship between a younger woman and an older man.  Oftentimes those who say this are still very immature, so they couldn’t fathom the thought.  If this comment is stated enough by friends, it might cause a younger woman, who isn’t so sure about dating an older man, to want to break up.

“He probably left his wife and children to be with her.  He will probably go back to the wife once he gets tired of her.”

This comment can really hurt a younger woman’s feelings particularly if she is head over heels in love with her mature mate.  So when she hears this, she might start to wonder if in fact he would get back with an ex.  Hopefully, the man isn’t married, but if he is, you might want to cut your losses early.



Wednesday

Moody, Irritable, Argumentative and 50 Plus? Cramping, Bloating and 18 Plus?

In the past, this blog has provided information on Andropause.  This is a health condition that affects males which is caused by a deficiency in testosterone.  Now as much as our society likes to deceive us into thinking we are all younger than we think, the truth be told is that we are all getting older.  As we mature, things like our memory, mood, and body are affected.  We don't remember things as good as we use to.  We become more easily agitated by little things.  Our body weight increases and it becomes more challenging to lose weight especially in one's mid-section.

I am referring mature males who happened to come across this site to the following link below as well as young women who may not understand Andropause.  Hopefully, couples will become more knowledgeable and understanding of this condition.

When searching health websites related to personal issues, I would like readers to check out additional subject matter related to women that might be causing some issues in your relationship as well.  Look up PMS, PMDD and Perimenopause at the site.  Any woman who has a menstrual cycle will be affected.  Mood swings, anger problems, bloating, cramping, lack of sexual drive, etc. are all issues that affect young women too. Some women don't suffer much during their premenstrual cycle while others are affected a great deal.  This condition can also impact your relationship especially if you aren't aware of the symptoms.

So do check out these health conditions it might be a serious wake up call for some of you as to why your past relationships didn't work out.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

They Have Their Days Too...Andropause & PMS...Uh oh!

While you are having your bouts with PMS, he is having his issues with andropause. In case you didn't know, that is the proper name for mid-life crisis. Now some so-called experts won't take the male mid-life business seriously, rather they will attribute men's issues to outside influences like work, family, and money. But if you have dated older men for any length of time, then you know there is more going on within than on the outside.

The older man will have various mood swings due to a number of factors such as low testosterone, bad eating habits, and a lack of exercise. Some get older and aren't always mindful of their body odors. Whatever the older man's problem, the reality is he can get on your nerves! His impatience, anger outbursts, silent treatment, and myopic behaviors can send you packing! Understanding tends to go out the younger woman's head when she too is going through her set of woes.

We all know what to do with his and her bath towels, but many of us don't have a clue what to do with his and her mood swings. Here are a few tips I have had to learn the hard way over the years.

1. Do something else besides have sex. If you are in a relationship with an older man that seems to be moving fast, so fast that you can't seem to come up for air between love-making sessions, put some distance between the both of you by doing something else that has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm sure he can understand why you wouldn't want intimacy while going through PMS and your cycle. If not, then you will want to question what kind of man you got yourself hooked up with. (When I dated an older man who was abusive, he found it difficult giving me my space during my time of the month. That was a good sign he was not a compassionate person, but I was too awe struck on looks and stability to see the signs.)

2. You don't have to commit because he told you that he loves you. From the ex-wife to the children from a previous relationship, I'm sure you are the next best thing since sliced bread and because of that you can afford to take your time.

When committing to any man with a past that is walking and breathing, it can be difficult to accept everything that goes with it. If you sincerely feel that accepting him along with his baggage is too much, do converse with him about your feelings before you decide to break off the relationship and not during PMS.

3. When he is in one of his moods ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" but don't ask when you are in a bad mood yourself, because it will most likely come out like this, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you talking to me...Are you having one of your senior moments?" Although asking him what's on his mind doesn't always work, at least take the time out to let him know you care. He may not be ready to talk, but at some point he just might open up. When he does decide to share his thoughts, try hard to make him feel comfortable expressing them without becoming emotional. I know it can be difficult especially if he is being critical of you, but try anyway even if it means you just sit there and look at him.

Well, I hope the two of you have a good month...wish me well too!


Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Home for the Holidays - Andropause - Irritable Male Syndrome meet Menopause

Saturday

Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change

He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others.  The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors.  He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion.  When you meet him, you have struck gold!  He is loving and wants what is best for you.  You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.



Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception.  Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration.  His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.

Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men.  You either learn to tolerate them or move on.  As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere.  Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.

Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause).  The pair don't tend to get along either.  This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce.  Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too.  A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is.   Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.

So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger.  However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them.  They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.

Sunday

Advice Every Young Woman Needs When Dating an Older Man


Many young women are dating older men not having a clue as to the differences they will encounter in the future. These differences are not as obvious as the physical ones, but there are mental ones that every woman should be made aware. As a result they have led to many men breaking up marriages ten years plus for younger women, going into depressions, having children late in life that they regret having, and so much more.

Younger women must be prepared for a possible future heartbreak that may leave them confused and bitter for the rest of their lives if their not careful. The following advice may or may not have been shared with you by some well-meaning family member or friend. If you are having problems as a younger woman understanding an older man, then take heed.

Older men have their reasons for dating a younger woman. A well-educated, wealthy, handsome, older man is not dating a younger woman for just mere shallow reasons like "she's pretty and athletic" neither is an ignorant, poor, ugly, older man. His reasons may be even more complicated since he doesn't have everything going for him like his handsome friend. If you are a younger woman with discerning family members and friends they may have already told you to "be careful" and they may have questioned your choice and asked you what does he want with you?

So what does he really want with you? Well you will have to get to know him in order to find out the answer to that question. Since many younger women are busily preparing for their careers, involved in various activities, and spend time socializing with friends, they aren't spending a lot of time getting to know their older men. Unfortunately, it is very easy for the mature man to say and do things that may ultimately hurt his younger mate's feelings in the end. Some younger men can and will do the same, but for the purposes of this article we will not be talking about them.

Do you know for a fact that your older man isn't still married? Are you aware of the children he may have had in previous relationships? What about the bills that he won't tell you about? Can he really take care of you like he has promised? Are you the only woman in his life? Have you met any of his male and female friends? How close are you with his relatives?

Let's explore some of the reasons he may have wanted to date someone 10, 15 or even 20 years younger. Some men have admitted younger women don't have as much "baggage" as older women. By baggage, they mean past experiences with men that have usually been negative. He is hoping a younger woman will bring a physical energy to his life that wasn't there before, more on that later. If he isn't a parent already, he may be looking to procreate. Older men with controlling personalities, don't want women who are "mouthy" meaning women who will speak their minds, independent thinker types. He also won't appreciate the younger woman being close to family and friends, because he doesn't want their input to expose whatever he may or may not be doing to make their daughter happy. With some older men, their objective is to find a younger woman who is naive, and will cater to his every need. This may or may not describe your man; however, a good way to find out is to ask questions, observe whether what he does aligns with what he says. Is he communicating with you about all sorts of subjects or just one or two like sex and music? Does he seem to be comfortable wherever the two of you go or does he seem quiet, distant not really interested in any thing except getting you back home? When you find an inconsistency in his statements and actions then you will know what kind of man you are dating.

There have been many younger women who have been deceived into thinking that an older man has more money, time, patience, and skill than other men. This kind of shallow advice has unfortunately come from people who have had good experiences dating older men. However, nothing could be further from the truth. There are many older men who struggle with paying bills just like younger men. They don't always have time on their hands to spend with their younger mate mainly when they are looking forward to retirement; therefore, they may be putting in longer hours at work. As for patience and skill sometimes they may have less of it than younger men simply due to the aging process and the time period at which they grew up. Things were really different back in their day. You, as the younger woman, will have to recognize and respect those differences.

Speaking of health ailments, men between the ages of 40-55 show signs of what some call "the male menopause" also known as andropause. This is a health condition that occurs when his testosterone levels begin to decrease. When this occurs, he becomes increasingly tired, moody, experiences hot flashes, a decrease in libido and other related conditions. Some men also experience a mid-life crisis and when this happens he begins to think about the things in life he has accomplished and what he has yet to do. If he isn't satisfied with how he has lived his life he may become depressed or he may overcompensate for his lack by doing things to make him feel better. Some of the things he chooses to do may not seem practical to others such as buying the car he always dreamed of, dating you, leaving a marriage that he has been in for over ten years, dressing like people half his age, obsessing over his appearance, etc.

While he may be going through andropause, the women who he has dated in the past or the one he was married to may have been going through menopause. He may not have been able to handle her mood swings, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, wavering libido and all the other symptoms that menopausal women face. Remember earlier I told you he might have been looking for a younger woman with more physical energy? Well, another woman's menopausal symptoms may have been severe enough to drive him into your arms. Rather be understanding of the aging process that women his age experience, he looks to find a younger woman who doesn't have these symptoms. However, what he has forgotten, in his quest to find less baggage, is that women of childbearing age will have menstrual issues and if they become pregnant will go through similar issues that menopausal women face. Find out why he really left his previous mate and if it was for reasons such as "she was moody or tired all the time." If that is the case, then don't believe that he will understand when you go through your menstrual cycle or become pregnant.

This information is vital to have when you are dating older men or think that they are better than men your own age. Know that if you should date an older man, there are shallow ideologies that you must rid yourself from thinking. Rather, go into your future relationships, desiring the following: "a man that will sincerely love me with all my faults, be patient with me, have hope for our future even in the storms, and respect the people whom I love." The money, fame, fortune or anything else you are seeking come with hard work and are shared with the spouses who are in the relationship for the long haul. Young women who have sought men solely for these qualities may be riding in the limousine for a moment, but in time are kicked out with their bags left on the curb wearing humiliation on their faces.

Tuesday

Thoughts on Leaving Older Partner to Date Younger

He made a decision to leave his older partner, because he no longer found the relationship interesting anymore.  She chose to leave her older mate, due to the age gap that started to affect things like: romance, conversation, and the way she saw herself.  Both left older to date younger in the hope to find someone more compatible, more affection, energetic, and more.  Of course, there are pros and cons to doing this, lets review some of them.

Dull Romances

We can't avoid those periods in our relationships where everything starts to become a bit mundane and routine.  Unless one is working an interesting job, have a great network of people that keep him or her excited, and money to spend to visit fun places at will (along with the desire to do it), the person seeking to leave his or her older partner just might be as boring as them, but just doesn't realize it yet.  Running into the arms of someone more interesting is just a temporary pick-me-up, but sooner or later you will begin to notice that the same things you didn't want in the last relationship are going to start to show up in the new one.

Health Concerns

Unfortunately, some couples just can't make it, because one or both can't handle health issues.  From andropause to menopause woes, if a lover didn't have the patience to contend with those health challenges with his or her last partner, what makes this person think that everything will be just fine with someone younger?  Most young women can still bear children which will affect the body in time especially when she starts having that need to want to become pregnant.  Many take birth control which has been known to fluctuate mood, weight, and more.  So for the older man who thinks he can do better by getting someone younger while leaving an older partner and possibly children behind, he just might inherit a few new problems that he might not be ready for like a future offspring affecting his mood and weight.  Also, take into consideration the many people who are walking this earth with an incurable sexual disease, mental disorders, criminal records and other issues brought on by wreckless behaviors, bad parenting, peer influences, etc.  Know what you are getting into beyond the nice smile, sexy body and whatever else you are looking for.

Relatives and Friends

No matter who one dates, there will always be certain relatives and friends that may be very important in his or her life that the one dating younger won't necessarily like or agree with.  Criticism comes and goes from loved ones when starting any new relationship.  But if this is one reason why you just can't stand being with your older ex, it's not a very good one especially if you still have to deal with a few relatives because of children.  Besides, you just might find that your younger mate's relatives and friends won't be any easier on you particularly if there is a significant age difference between you and younger mate.

Money

A young woman who leaves a relatively stable relationship just because she feels like her older man just isn't doing it for her, might regret her decision later.  If age is the only factor that bothers her, nowadays there are plenty of things men can take and do to better their lifestyles.  But leaving an older man solely for the beauty of a younger man is foolish and unwise.  Money may not be a factor in the relationship, but then it might be.  Some younger women stay because of money while others leave because there is no assistance for what they have to put up with concerning an older man (ie. aging process, children with an ex, long work hours, etc.) so they go back to dating younger.  However, young men, who aren't necessarily ready for a committed relationship, but think they are, have been known to be unfaithful, immature, and unreliable in serious relationships.  Also, consider many who are irresponsible with their finances and selfish.  But for those young men who aren't, the young woman just might find a treasure in more ways than one.  For older men, who believe that a younger woman can complete him, know that most young women aren't established and don't have the wealth that he who has had decades to build.  An older mate will find that at some point in the relationship his younger partner will need his financial assistance, so if he isn't the generous type, there will be issues.

These are just some of the many things one who is interested in leaving an older partner for a younger mate might run into.  For some readers, this piece might have discouraged and if so, most likely you still love and respect your older mate.  But for others, you may still want to leave your mate for any and all reasons, just keep in mind that those "in love" feelings with a new someone are temporary and they are not what builds a healthy long-lasting relationship, but you know that already.  To your success!

Nicholl McGuire is the blogger for this blog.  Check out others: Things to Do Bored and Parents, Babies, Children

Wednesday

Wake Up - Male Midlife Crisis is Real - Young Woman You Might Be a Victim

For some men, they thought that if they stepped out of their marriages, distanced themselves from children and live a little, things would get better.  Unfortunately, those feel-good emotions didn't happen long term like they had hoped.  The "living a little" with the hot chick, new car, baby on the way, relocation, and other surprises turned into nothing more than burdens.

Former mature partners know better, young ladies don't have a clue.  At first agreeing to date these men in crisis, who appear so charming, seems harmless for many single women until they spend time with them when they don't appear so attractive or behave so nicely. 

Like the older women, these young women soon discover that something is very wrong with partners/lovers.  They start feeling uncomfortable around these difficult men and contemplate breaking up with them.  "What did I say?  What did I do?  Why is this guy so negative?  What the f*ck is wrong with him!" a young lady might think.  It isn't so much what you said or did to set him off that rattles the evil within, but it is how he feels at the moment a challenge arises.  He may have been okay with something one day and then go ballistic the next.  Welcome to the world of andropause/irritable male syndrome/low T.

If you have yet to read articles about male midlife on this site and others, then start diving in, you will be in for a treat or maybe a trick because you will feel like you have been duped once you get to know the irritable male. 

Take heed young woman, there is more to a middle-aged man who is often moody and has what appears to be a decent past (somewhat normal not too bad,) and a satisfactory lifestyle.  Despite his blessings, he nit-picks about them, complains about little things, and frequently finds fault with the people around him.  Also, think twice before joining the bandwagon of blaming exes.  A man in crisis may have had children with an ex he fell deeply in love with until his bodily changes took over.  He might have been married for a long time, had a great career, interesting life experiences, etc. but all those things came to a halt when emotions started to change, so rather than weather life storms, he looked for ways to escape it. 

Don't think he won't change on you sooner or later and don't accept responsibility for things beyond your control.  The blaming, minimizing, gas-lighting, and denial happens frequently in arguments with men in crisis and unfortunately some women are physically abused as well.  This is why mature woman will advise it is best to avoid the debates, get a life of your own, and do what makes you feel happy. 

Sometimes older people refuse to admit that there are personal and/or professional issues occurring in their lives as a result of the aging process.  Sometimes too focused on maintaining a youthful image and/or mindset, they fail to see the destruction they have left behind and just how out of touch they are with reality.  Guard your heart and your bank account, young woman when dating these men.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.

Sunday

No Love, Just Sex - She Knows You are Living Out a Fantasy

For some young, single women, busy with careers and their social lives, they really aren't interested in a serious relationship despite what some older men might think.  Although there are those mature men who are all-too-eager to bed, wed, or share their wealth with beautiful young women, some of these ladies just aren't interested no matter what you promise or do for them.

There is no need trying to rack one's brain trying to figure out why some of these women, don't want a steady, older boyfriend.  Educated women know about things like: andropause, adultery, jealousy, former partners, adult sons and daughters, and other challenges that come with dating someone older and they just can't imagine being with an older man long-term. 

Mature men, who consider themselves still young physically and mentally, just can't fathom why they can't seem to connect with certain young women.  Instead of taking rejection personally, accept the fact that some women, whether old or young, just aren't going to want anything more than a brief conversation, possibly sex, and so life goes on. 

Some men have a need to relive a time in their lives where they were sought after and someone genuinely loved them, but things change.  Whatever an older gentleman once had in his previous life with someone else, far too many life disappointments have a way of tarnishing what once was and so for some men, they chase a dream of what could be.  Rather than facing  reality, some older singles create a fantasy in their minds with someone younger while hoping to relive emotions from their youth.  They seek to find someone special and when they do, they plan to tie her down, so to speak. 

Young women can detect when a man is desperate to find and keep a fantasy; therefore, these discerning women might give up sex, but not much else.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself and writes articles about a wide variety of subjects including family challenges.     

Monday

Be Patient: You'll Find Him or He'll Find You

When I started dating older men back in my twenties, I had no idea what to expect. I was unaware of the male midlife crisis. I knew nothing about andropause. These were all hormonal related issues that men went through and I didn't know that I could possibly be a product of their mid-life crisis.

Anyway, I wondered what to expect dating men with thinning hair, grey hair sprouting from here there and everywhere. It was an adjustment every time I dated an older man. Like men, I too am a very visual creature and I had to put aside my personal hang-ups and see the man for who he really was -- a human being, period.

The mature men I met were really no different than the younger men except that they were more stable in their finances, moved a little slower, seemed to hold an intelligent conversation, and really seemed to be into me. I didn't have to worry too much about the wandering eye and the short attention span of a younger beau.

As I learned more and more about these older men, at times I was impressed with their knowledge and other times I felt that I acted more mature than they. I met my share of irresponsible older men, the kind who acted like they had it together, but in reality they didn't. The older women had pushed them out of their lives and now they were desperately seeking anyone who would put up with them. Those men were such a disappointment. I would think, "You decided to reach 40 plus years and act like a fool! You still have nothing to show for your life." In time, I learned more about the mid-life crisis that older men faced and it wasn't any wonder that some was looking for anyone and anything to make them happy.

So what do I want young women to know about older men? Well I say plenty on this blog, but for now one thing you need to know is to be patient.

That's right be patient in any and everything you do when involving yourself with a mature man. If you don't have much dating experience, you will find that he can easily do things to make you feel like he is the best thing since slice bread; however, one day in the midst of feeling in love, his emotions can come crashing down, leaving you feeling broken and depressed asking, "What happened? I thought he loved me!" Some of these men are only in love with the idea of being with a young woman, but not committing to her for a lifetime. Besides if you are a beautiful, energetic woman who clearly has a life and he is the total opposite, he knows that eventually you will meet someone better than him, so he will attempt to end the relationship especially if you aren't acting that interested in him.

Know what you are getting yourself into when seeking out a man half your age or more. He is coming with years of experience and baggage. You may admire his intellect at first, but later it may grow on your nerves because he knows so much more than you. There are times that you might question whether you are with this man because you have some kind of daddy hangups. Maybe daddy wasn't in your life, he didn't seem to care about you, he didn't love you and so fourth. If this is you and you look to your older man to fulfill the role of your dad, then you are headed for trouble! No man can or will replace the love of dad, no man!

When you are ready to take your relationship with an older man to the next level, do heed the advice of the women and men around you. Chances are they all grew up around the same time. So they have a pretty good idea what his mentality may be like particularly if he had a dad in his life. As the old adage goes, "It takes one to know one." The men "back in the day" are much different than the men of today. Women were not as independent as they are nowadays. A man who saw his dad and mother interact from yesteryear, may expect you to be the docile, submissive wife. If you know you couldn't ever be docile or submissive then pick a man your own age or one who can accept you for who you are.


Nicholl McGuire
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