He's Rich, You're Not - So What is the Problem?

Young lady, you don't anticipate any issues when you start off dating a wealthy, older gentleman that has more money than you since you assume you both are in agreement when it comes to your dating arrangement.  You supply the rich man's needs (whatever those might be) and he supplies yours.  But problems do arise when a successful gentleman continues to spend his cash on you while you continue to happily receive.  But what might those issues be?


1.  He will begin to think that you are taking advantage of him.


If too many days go by and you are not holding up your end of the bargain, the older gentleman might think you are taking his kindness for weakness.  He expects that the arrangement you both agreed to will be fair.  If you feel that his demands are too much, you might want to rethink your relationship or arrangement with this individual.


2.  He will assume you're just what others had warned him about, "A gold-digger."


Sometimes guilty feelings have a way of catching up to people.  You will know that someone is whispering something in his ear negative about you and/or the relationship by the way he treats you.  To avoid verbal abuse, blaming, physical harm or anything that might be harmful to you, don't stick around if the guilt-ridden older man has made it plain that he doesn't want to be in the relationship any longer for any number of reasons whether they make sense to you or not.  It is better to escape early on then take someone abusing you verbally or physically due to guilt or shame.


3.  He will act negatively toward you if he should suddenly take an unexpected financial hit.


Some men just don't do well when it comes to spending, saving, or investing money.  Rather than do what is right when it comes to financial planning, they will blame everyone around them hoping to feel better about their mistakes.  If you know you are with someone who pretends to do well with money, but from the looks of things you know different, move on especially when he refuses to listen to sound advice.


4.  He may grow weary of assisting you financially.


When you start to feel like you are a burden to him, don't ask him for anything, create some distance, and plan to create your own wealth.  However, keep this in mind, that if he starts taking from you and you feel unfulfilled, don't hesitate to express how you feel about what he is and isn't doing for you.


5.  He might apply pressure on you to do more with your life.


One way a rich man wants you to stay out of his pocket is to encourage you to better yourself.  From suggesting you go back to college to telling you about an available position at a local company, the older man wants you to make your own money.  This is actually a good thing, because you are able to learn, grow and appreciate life more because you are in control of your own destiny.


As much as a young lady would like to reason that there is nothing wrong with dating a man for his wealth, know that sooner or later his riches will become an issue particularly when you don't have your own.


Nicholl McGuire maintains and contributes to another relationship blog here.

Something to Know about Young Women...PMS and PMDD

Relationship Advice: 4 Ways To Stop Conflict In Relationships or Marriage

Is Your Family Wrong for Disapproving of Your May-December Relationship?

Let's give your family the benefit of the doubt for a moment whether they said some very ugly things about your older or younger partner or acted strangely when you two came around, what would make them feel the way that they do?


1.  Think about the negative things you might have said in the past about your older or younger partner.  Did you say the kind of things that feed into stereotypes?  Maybe you or your mate complained about not having enough money, who do you think they will blame for your lack?  Maybe you mentioned something negative about older men or younger women, so why would you continue to date this person?


2.  Do you have a pattern of dating older or younger people and things not working out?  Why would your family want to connect with yet another one of your fly by night romances?


3.  If you have a child or children by someone else, and that person is still in contact with your family and friends, could that person (or someone else) be causing unnecessary strife behind your back?


4.  Be honest, what is this relationship really about?  How soon did you meet this person after you broke up with your previous partner?  Did you want children?  Were you having some kind of life change going on at the time i.e.) mid-life issues, bored with routine, bad breakup/divorce/separation, curious about dating young or older?


5.  You are conveying a negative attitude with your family and friends that you are unhappy with your selection.  Rather than talking with your partner about relationship ills, you are sharing information that is making your family not want to take your relationship seriously.


Consider these points and other thoughts that come to mind about your relationship.  Sometimes family members and friends can see things that we can't see in people.  They may recognize some behaviors they may have done to others in the past and don't want you to fall victim.  Other times, it is just a matter of personal opinion.  There are those people who just don't like looking at the age difference.  A gentleman that looks like a young woman's dad or uncle is just not a nice picture for some and they may even go so far as to avoid photographing the two of you together, so just be prepared for the snub this holiday season by a few.


Nicholl McGuire

7 Signs The Older Man Isn't Interested in Dating, But is Really Using You

There are those men who strongly desire a younger companion to have a reasonably normal relationship.  But then there are others, who aren't thinking about dating young women (or even girls) seriously, rather they see them as dollar signs that they can pimp, hustle, and play with. 


A young woman or a rebellious teen who is not street smart and has very little information when it comes to relating to men will be easily entrapped in a lifestyle that will be difficult to get out of with her mind, body and spirit still intact.  Beautiful women have aged rapidly, gone crazy, caught sexually transmitted diseases, had unwanted children, got on welfare rolls, and did things that have negatively impacted their lives as a result of chasing after or being caught by manipulative older men. 


If you suspect that a charming, older guy seems to be very interested in you (to the point that it makes you feel nervous or strange,) notice other signs as well.


1.  He either ignores your comments about a future relationship with him or pretends he is interested in a relationship with you, but his body language/mannerisms says otherwise.


While showing interest in you, does he also mention things about how he can help you and what he will do for you if you do ABC for him?  Does he get close to you when he talks, touches you a lot, and makes you feel a bit uncomfortable?  If so, he is already setting the tone of the relationship, he expects you to comply with his wishes by being pushy, controlling, and deceptive. 


2.  He is eager to introduce you to "some friends."


He seems almost too excited to show you off to his friends.  He tells you that you will like them.  He boasts about who they are and their connections.  He doesn't give you too much information about them, because he doesn't want you poking around the Internet.  He may only use nicknames or he may use an existing business (not affiliated with them) to throw you off.  You won't find out the truth if you rush into anything.  If you wait before jumping in, it won't be long before the liar's true colors will appear.  Mention that you would like to share this information about the people and business with a friend from law enforcement, then watch his reaction.  Take the time to do some investigative work.  And whatever you do, don't drink or eat anything he or "they" offer you and take a relative or friend with you (advise them not to eat or drink anything either) when you go to meet some of his "friends."


3.  He offers to buy you a very expensive item without really knowing you yet.


Now why would he be so quick to buy you something?  Did you promise sex?  If so, then you are putting yourself in a position to make good on the deal.  It is never too late to back out, no matter how much he says, "You promised...I thought we had a deal."

4.  He puts off meeting your relatives and friends.


Shady men, especially those who grew up where your relatives are from, don't want any parts of them simply because it is a small world.  He doesn't want to take a chance bumping into one of your relatives when he knows he has a long troubled track record.  He also doesn't want you to know what he is really about.  He knows that your family and friends will sound the alarm if they so much as suspect that he is using you.


5.  He doesn't want you taking any photos of him, his car, or any pictures inside or around his residence.


Men who have something to hide, don't want it getting out that they are with possibly "the other woman" or a young lady who could be old enough to be his daughter--this is still considered shameful in many circles.


6.  He claims that he is being honest with you even though you notice that there are some things off about the stories he tells.


If you performed a background check, there may be some things he says that is inconsistent with what you found.  Of course, he will explain things away especially if he isn't who claims to be.  Don't permit any man to convince you that what you know as fact is incorrect, inaccurate, or a lie.  That's what he wants you to think so that he can continue to manipulate you.


7.  He connects you with someone or a group for a so-called job opportunity which really turns out to be something that is offensive, illegal, or strange, then he becomes distant.


You are left in the hands of strangers who will attempt to persuade you to do what they ask and you will be well compensated.  However, in time, things will get ugly and you might find yourself entrapped in a lifestyle of being drugged, raped, beaten, and more.  Most likely, the older man was given a stipend or some other benefit for recommending you to the person or group.


When you notice some or all of the previously mentioned signs, just know that this is a character that you ought to stay far away from.  Individuals like this are only concerned about one thing and that is getting what they want.  As much as some of you young ladies reading this would like to believe that charming, too-good-to-be-true types sincerely love and care for you, unfortunately you will learn later that they are users and abusers.  With so many beautiful, successful women their own age, you have to ask, why would a seemingly prosperous, mature man choose me?  Something is obviously wrong.


Nicholl McGuire, Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Dating Older Men: Personal Experience Things I Wished I Knew

How Do You Know the Older Man is Really as Clean as He Looks?

The gentleman dresses nice and smells good when he comes around you, this mature man is definitely making a good impression on you.  But is he really as clean as he portrays himself to be?  In order to find out how good this man really is when it comes to taking care of his personal business when he is away from you requires careful observation and a good sense of smell.


1.  Notice if the older guy washes his hands or uses hand sanitizer prior to eating something.  Are there hand wipes in his car?  Does he clean his hands after pumping gas or spending a long day shaking hands with people?  Now some guys might be germaphobes which is a sign they have one or more OCDs, but those who simply don't want to catch a cold or simply think it is unwise to use dirty hands to open a piece of candy or gum, are going to be mindful of cleanliness.


2. When your date visits you at your home, does he head to the refrigerator or prepares food without washing his hands?  This is a clear sign that either his mother didn't educate him well on cleanliness or he simply forgot his mannerisms.


3.  When you visit his residence are there old traces of urine on and around the toilet?  What about the sink and bath areas does it look like it hasn't been cleaned in weeks? Is there often a funny smell coming from his kitchen and are countertops and floors full of days of sticky stuff and crumbs?  If yes is the answer to all previous questions, keep in mind you will not only be a potential girlfriend but a maid too.


4.  Check out the outside and inside of his automobile.  A rich man who doesn't take care of a pricey automobile unfortunately isn't interested in taking care of much else (but his professional business of course).  A poor man who is just getting by while driving an unsightly vehicle isn't quite ready to commit to a relationship.  For he knows that to care for a woman costs much money, but if she has a good job--he is all-too-open for a potential relationship.  He knows he doesn't have to work as hard.  A car that is not well-maintained says a lot about the kind of man you are involving yourself with.


5.  Observe the walls and floors of his home.  From dirty markings to nasty stains in the carpeting, what is he doing besides going to work and seeing you?  It isn't difficult to shampoo a carpet or wipe dirt marks off a wall.  Does he bother to go above and beyond to make sure his environment is visually pleasing when you and relatives come over?  Once again, think about the future, he just might expect you to do the things he doesn't want to do.


6.  Most men don't dust.  Those who do are very detailed about other areas of their homes like the way shoes are organized and how it is decorated.  These guys can be hard to deal with if you aren't clean and organized.  If their moms were extremely organized, they can be too.  Some are so good about keeping their homes clean to the point that you have to question, "What will I be getting myself into?"  These men will not hesitate to tell you if you are putting something back in the wrong place.


7.  Bedding, washcloths and towels should be changed often.  If you are repeatedly visiting his residence and notice that these things still haven't been washed, not only is this not a good sign he isn't as clean as he claims, but also watch sleeping and using his things especially if he is dating others.  Uncleanliness will create a breeding ground for all sorts of issues including the sexually transmitted disease crabs.


8.  Does he bother to clean himself after a bowel movement, prior to sex or afterward, or a workout?  The unsightly things and smelly odors left behind on clothing, bedding, furniture and floors can be an immediate turnoff for anyone when visiting a person's dwelling.  Most people don't want to smell or view any body fluids especially after a sexual act has long been over.  If you find that the man doesn't bother to wash himself or the items that he uses, be cautious of him. 


9.  When was the last time he visited a dentist?  You will know by the way his breath smells and his teeth look.  Frequent complaints about his teeth hurting, needing a tooth pull or something else related to dental care are signs that he has not been good about caring for his teeth.  Also, keep in mind that the older a man is the more likely he will lose some teeth.


10.  Whether prior to sex or afterward he is talking about the way his body feels such as: aches, pain, strange sensations, and other things, this is also a clear sign he needs to stay on top of his doctor's appointments.  Men who avoid doctor check-ups and don't maintain a healthy body weight have all sorts of bodily problems from strange smells to sudden pains. 


If you should comment about cleaning or organizing certain things in his dwelling or mention something unflattering about his body issues and he takes offense no matter how nice you say how something looks or feels, don't make any apologies, you know what the future will look like between you and he.  Disputes over going to the doctor, complaints about bad smells, who will put the dishes in the dishwasher, who will wash the laundry, clean the carpets, dust, etc.


When it comes to dating mature or younger men, remember just because they look clean, doesn't mean that they are.  Simple things like washing hands and body, brushing teeth and gargling, going to the doctor's for a check-up, maintaining the household and his vehicle shouldn't be an issue for most mature men.  But if they are, just know that the individual is either too busy, old, lazy, or crazy to give a d*mn. 


If you don't mind assisting the mature gentleman with housekeeping (not being a maid for him) and could care less about the way his body looks or smells, then by all means continue to go about loving the older man just the way that he is.


Nicholl McGuire 

Preying Older Men Praying to Get Young Women to Use for Money

There are older men who legitimately want a relationship with young women, yet there are others who are looking to pimp them.  These men are not to be trusted.  No matter what they promise, what assets they claim they have, or how much they compliment these young women, their only plan is to make money with them and lots of it.


On this site, we don't encourage or endorse the kind of behavior that is immoral and illegal.  We simply provide practical tips to an audience who desires companionship whether long or short-term.  We know that young women are going to want to date older men and vice versa, so why not talk about it?  But this business of baiting young women to ultimately use them as sex slaves is wrong!  For some preying older men, they would retort, "Says who?"  Says the parents, law enforcement, organizations, and others who don't want you involved with their daughters for financial gain that's who!


Please be advised young women to think twice before agreeing to meet/sleep with/entertain a preying older man who does the following:


1.  Approaches you in an atmosphere that predominately attracts youth.


2.  Often chats with you on a social media page or dating website about sexual things and pressures you to meet him in person often.


3.  Lies or covers up about things like:  marital status, age, where he lives, works, etc.  Always perform a background check.


4.  Vaguely explains or can't explain markings on his body especially private parts.


5.  Takes particular interest in an older relative or friend of yours while attempting to get close to you.


6.  Frequents places that you know are shady or dangerous.


7.  Claims to be a Christian or have some other faith, but his behavior contradicts the word of God.


8.  Rushes to give you all his contact information and arranges to have sex with you especially during the first meeting.


9.  Promises he will help you with your personal issues, but not without expecting something in return.


10.  Cyber-stalks you, drops by your residence, befriends people you know, and makes you feel uncomfortable when talking to you (i.e. stares wildly, looks at your body parts but rarely makes eye contact, hypersexual behaviors such as frequently touching you, talks a lot about what he wants you to do for him...)

Preying older men never have just one young lady they are conversing with.  They usually have others they have either had sex with or plan to have sex with.  They will not say much to young women about their personal lives, who they might know, and where they might go when not with them.  They tend to be secretive, uncaring, and stubborn in their ways.  These men are often unhappy, wrestle occasionally with feelings of guilt, quick-tempered, and have a long trail of broken hearts.  Some of these preying older men are emotionally and physically abusive.


If you know someone like this, be sure to pray about the situation.  Confide in someone you trust and seek out online and offline resources that can help you.  Take the time to Google: Human Sex Trafficking Warning Signs.


Nicholl McGuire

What on Earth Do You Want? A Young, Sweet Woman or a Nasty One?

It seems that mean, nasty and rude girls are taking over reality television.  The louder and wilder they are, the more people tune in.  On top of all the arrogant behavior is also sexy dressed women who draw equally prideful, nasty men to their beds.  You get what you attract.


A mature man who desires a young, sweet woman on the street, yet a freak in the bedroom, may not get that. He may also be out of luck finding a woman who doesn't know when to turn the freak off.  A young woman may look beautiful and appear intelligent, but her selection in clothing, places to live and interests might say otherwise.  Nasty women typically like nasty boys.  Sweet women desire sweet men.  Yet, with so much brainwashing going on in society, couples are all mixed up and it isn't any wonder why some relationships just don't make it.  Sweet can't stand nasty anymore.  Nasty finds sweet boring...you get the picture.


A mature man must know what he wants.  He can't have it all although he think he can.  What exactly is "all" anyway?  Since no single woman can provide it all.  He will look to find many women to suit different needs like the young woman does who has yet to commit to any one man.  The desire to have it all is different depending on who you talk to.  Some men want beauty, charm, honesty, respect, and more in their women.  Others just want beauty and sex.  Then there are still others who want as much as they can get including a potential steady girlfriend or wife.  But most men who are looking to relax, tired of the dating scene, prefer the sweet woman over the nasty one with an attitude any day.


Nicholl McGuire

Age Gaps In Relationships: The Challenges

Sex with a Married Man

Is She Really Worth Getting into Trouble?

Some men don't think before they react to a beautiful woman (or possibly young girl) in their presence.  They don't bother to think about the consequences if they should say or do something that could end up putting them in hot water with someone, law enforcement or an angry group.  Not every piece of eye candy is who she says she is.

With so many dating websites and so many liars who create profiles on each, one must be very discerning when it comes to selecting a pretty young companion on or offline.  Most women seeking older men know exactly what they want from them.  They also know what they are willing to give up to get what they want.  However, some will change their minds, pretend as if they don't know what is expected of them, or cry or complain about being taken advantage of.

Being that older men are considered "the mature ones" in a relationship, who should know better, they are expected to conduct themselves accordingly.  Some things to consider before letting one's flesh override good ole' common sense is as follows when it comes to dating younger women.

1.  Think before you speak.  Although this is a simple tip, many men don't exercise caution with their tongues.  If you know you don't really like or care for the young lady, don't tell her so in a mean-spirited way, but you will have to create some distance--stringing her along is a big No, No!  Women can lose their minds if they suspect that they are being played.  If you have no plans on meeting her relatives and friends, then make that plain too, but watch how you say that as well.  This way she is free to make a decision on whether or not she wants to continue to see you.

2.  Never assume she is the age she claims.  Far too many young women know how to dress themselves up like celebrities and do well hiding their age.  Be sure that you not only checked her ID, but got other information about her that proves she is as old as she claims.  Maybe you should meet a friend or two of her's, better safe than sorry later.  Notice how her friends act and what they say, you can tell right away just how old the young person really is. 

3.  Ask about interests whether you care about having a relationship or not with her.  This information is useful, because you want to be sure to have a good time with your companion, but you also want to confirm just how old this young lady really is.

4.  Avoid going anywhere in the public with the young woman until you know for sure all you need to know about who she is, where she is from, how old she is, who she knows, etc.  It's a small world and you don't want to find out one day you are dating a client's daughter, bedding a cousin on your wife's side of the family, or spending money on a love child of yours that you didn't know you had.

Now let's just say you are already in over your head with the young woman.  Maybe you have children with her or possibly married to her already, you will definitely need to have a long talk with yourself and seek some advice from others who have been in a similar situation. 

If you feel uncomfortable being with her for any reason, don't ignore the signs.  Ask yourself, what is it that you, her or the two of you have done that makes you feel like she simply isn't worth all this trouble?  Do you have people whispering negative things in your ear about your mate?  Do you personally feel like this is someone you no longer want in your life?  Are you going through a life change personally or professionally and find it hard trying to balance a relationship too?

Whatever the issue, know that you will need to start making the necessary steps to bring you peace of mind.  Avoid staying in a situation just because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, if the relationship isn't for you, it just isn't.  Move on. 

Think of the many men who should have followed their gut instinct when they had a chance and left an age gap relationship, but didn't.  Some of these men are now deceased, jobless, incarcerated, or lost their wives and children as a result of messing with a crazy, young woman.  Also, consider this, you can drive a young lady crazy when you do the following:  act as if you don't know what you want, are unwilling to work on the relationship and treat her with respect, make promises you can't keep, cheat, or lie to her. 

No woman in her right mind is going to keep taking any form of abuse, know what you want.

Nicholl McGuire

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: A Personal Experience by Nicholl McGuire

Jealous, Insecure Women in Relationships Comparing Themselves to Exs

It's challenging enough dating mature men and then to make matters worse, there are the ex-wives and girlfriends that don't seem to go away along with the unsupportive relatives and friends.  It isn't any wonder why a young woman would have her share of doubts about the relationship. 

Domestic Violence Awareness - Abusers Recruiting the Next Generation

Beyonce and Jay-Z: Young Woman Married to Older Man

When we view celebrities like Beyoncé and Jay-Z in the media, we see an A-list African American couple in an age-gap relationship who are entertainers, successful at what they do, but still people. 

It is obvious that someone, a group or the couple themselves are keeping people interested in reading, writing, and talking about them--it's business.  The more star power, the more money.  However, what we also see is something unfolding that isn't so business related, two human beings evolving and a relationship supposedly coming to an end every other week.  This is particularly interesting since both are not only different in years, but also in the way that they express themselves. 

You can see that Jay-Z is a mid-life male who is not like some of the young rappers/businessmen who wear jeans saggy, decorate themselves in tattoos, and talk much slang.  He is older, more mature, financially secure, and is interested in his family.  But he is just a man.  One who has needs just like his wife. 

Now when the relationship challenges came up in the media, it wasn't any surprise something similar came up prior to their marriage which involved cheating and then showed up again in recent years.  When you live under the media's microscope like they do, you can't afford to mess up.  As a celebrity, you don't move through life's journey without little fan-fare, everyone is watching.  Cheat on your wife or husband and someone will find a way to get the news back to others.  Lie about your whereabouts and the witnesses will report back to the camp especially if they want your wife or husband.  Beyoncé is someone's or group's fantasy--powerful men all want a piece of Beyoncé.  Her beyond sexy dance moves and attire seem to come across as a sells pitch that lures many buyers.  She has big fans out there with large bank accounts that would love to bed her.  She is also a good distraction from worldly events as well.  If a man is paying attention to this young woman's provocative moves (see the old movie Metropolis), he has lost his train of thought when it comes to issues that sincerely matter, but I digress.  Older men, most likely more powerful and older than her husband, want a piece of Beyoncé, she calms them when they view her.

On the other hand Jay-Z and his wife might be growing weary of married life, there is always some grain of truth in rumors.  The husband wasn't always a man who had a reverence for women, according to his past rhymes.  He also wasn't (and still isn't) a model for the family life either and neither is his wife.  They are simply people, not role models.  Sometimes even if individuals want to change their ways, a society who expects them to behave in certain ways (especially when money is involved and their brand is at stake) won't let them change. 

Middle-aged people who have reflected on their past life decisions might do some things differently depending on what they have accomplished thus far and whether they are satisfied with their achievements which also includes family life--there is no separating them when you have them.  The human spirit will always be connected somehow some way no matter who you run off and date or impregnate.  Yet, many aging men become bored or grow weary of the stress of family.  They look for what they think is a more exciting life elsewhere or they desire a more quiet life and move far away from their past. 

Women who are more in love with working than family may never change.  Look how much time and energy Beyoncé's team uses to keep her busy!  These career-focused women might have experienced some negative things growing up or witnessed the ladies in their family go through many trials.  Therefore, they never want to be put in any position where they have to respect, rely, be submissive, or appreciate a man.  Thinking back to how Beyoncé was packaged at the start of her career, an independent woman, she isn't showing any signs of settling down anytime too soon.  Rather she is still encouraging women to work and work and work.  But what happens is that between all of the work, a man is saving much money and doesn't have to work as hard for his family.  A woman's life hasn't become easier, it has only become more demanding.  Many women are dying before men nowadays.

Yet, as we mature, what we used to want/like/need and more in years past, isn't necessarily what we desire today.  The ups and downs of Beyoncé and Jay-Z's relationship have been shared with us through their own songs and you get some idea through media interviews with them and others who know them or know the extended family.  For years, the couple managed to overcome some storms, but the aftermath of some of their issues spilled out on the stage. 

Being in an age gap relationship has its mental and physical challenges, there is no denying these struggles and not everyone can handle them.  Sure, it's nice to be with someone wealthy, charming or beautiful, but there has to be more that one loves/likes/appreciates than the superficial or obvious.

The facts show that Beyoncé and Jay-Z lived-together prior to marriage, experienced a miscarriage, had a baby, became close to President Obama and family during his term, and have received special favor as well i.e.) Beyoncé, like Marilyn Monroe, sang before the President and his wife, visited the White House numerous times, and traveled to places that other celebrities may never see in their lifetimes.  Beyoncé and Jay-Z have written and produced many songs that weren't all positive about their relationship as well as others.

With so much accomplishment and much time away from one another (which invites all kinds of distractions), an older man and a younger woman, regardless of their age and wealth, will not always agree no more than a couple who is also rich and closer in age.  But what is different is the seasons of life and the maturing process that takes place in age-gap relationships.  Age differences can either further widen with each challenge that comes up, or depending on the circumstances, come together through determination to be together come what may. 

Public melt-downs, arguments, illness, cheating, pregnancy, over-spending, and more have changed relationships between celebrities over the years and will continue.  Beyoncé and Jay-Z did well  keeping quiet during media interviews about their age gap relationship, but there is a lot said in a song, a movie choice, a photograph, and a public appearance.  Not that long ago, Beyoncé's sister Solange rang the alarm similar to the anger that Beyoncé showed in her song, "Ring the Alarm."

As much as no one likes for family and friends to get into our personal business, there are times when they are involved because we put them in it.  We conversed with them about our "issues", invited them to our events, attended their functions, assisted them when in trouble and vice versa, and more.  When you are connected to so many, who sincerely care about you, they will notice when your relationship isn't right.  It is a known fact that many African American men can be controlling.  Considering the bad history that the populace has experienced, it isn't any wonder.  Now put an age in years on the man acting controlling, and you will soon discover the people, places and things that influenced him to act bossy and verbally or non-verbally abusive.

When a young woman has sex with an older man and produces a child, that too comes with its share of issues.  Some women experienced great stress during pregnancy and afterward, because a man was ill-equipped to handle, not only his own mid-life challenges, but the mother's changes as well.  Babies face all sorts of health issues depending on how old a parent might be. If there are mental and physical challenges, parents have to face those too.

So if there is anything one takes away from this high profile celebrity couple's age gap relationship, may it be that you look out for the mental and physical issues that arise in your own, address them as soon as you can, don't pretend as if they don't exist, and respect the fact that age does matter sometimes.

Nicholl McGuire

When the Old Man is Tired of the Young Woman

Some women just make older men more tired than they already are.  These men have to contend with their own share of internal issues, but then along comes a younger woman who has a long list of fun things to do, volumes of conversation, a large network of family and friends, and plenty happening in her life.  The older man is not ready for this, yet he convinces himself that he is.  The young lady is excited about the future and glad to be dating someone older that is until...

You might be that guy who is with someone like the young woman described.  But as each day passes by, you are so over the mid-life crisis thing and can bravely admit, "I'm tired.  I just want to relax after work.  Sit on the couch on weekends and enjoy the television."  Absolutely nothing wrong with that if you prefer to be alone or with someone closer to your age who enjoys the same thing.  But if you are going to date younger, you will need to stop hoping the young woman will conform; rather, let her go.

Now saying good-bye to a beauty with a lot of energy is no easy feat, but if you want to live a little while longer without the additional stress of trying to keep up with her say, "Adios!"  Far too many mature men date younger women and make both parties feel miserable, because they want to control the younger woman.  When she wants to fly, the older guy wants to put her back in her cocoon.  When she plans to relocate, get educated, try something new, or break up with him, the mature man figures out a way to lure her back to him.  If she asks for his support, the older, insecure type worries that his money or time will be in vain and that off she will go with someone younger.  This can all be so mentally and physically draining!  In time, the old man is seated on the couch tired of putting up a fight, yet he doesn't want his young partner to leave either.  Go figure!?

So if you are that mature man who has reached a point where you just don't see it benefiting anymore to date younger, but you still want to keep that pretty young thing around, do yourself and her a favor, (since you are supposed to be the wiser of the two) let her be free!

Nicholl McGuire
 

Drunkenness, Cursing, and Craziness with a Partner...Keep a Sober Mind

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Stop the Drunkenness, Cursing, and Craziness...Kee...: You weren't cautious around your violent boyfriend/partner one night. You slipped up when you drank too much, got angry, or hurled insu...

Uncontrolled PMS & Menopause Issues: A Recipe for Disaster

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