Men Who Can't Find Good Women - spiritual perspective [dating, relationships, lonely singles]

 

Age-Gap Dating: A Straight-Talk Guide for Young Women (18-24)

 Hey there,

I'm writing this as someone who's been in your shoes. I dated older men in my late teens and early twenties. Some were charming, exciting, and made me feel incredibly special. Others... weren't. I got played more than once because I didn't see the patterns early enough. Not every older man is bad—my own husband is older, and he's a good one—but even he has pointed out guys who weren't, the ones who target much younger women for the wrong reasons. The key is wisdom: be smart, protect yourself, and don't let charm blind you to reality.

This isn't about judging your choices. It's about sharing what I learned the hard way so you can make informed ones. Age-gap relationships can work, but they come with real risks, especially when you're 18-24 and still building your independence.

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Common Issues in Age-Gap Dating

These show up over and over, based on what I've seen and what research consistently highlights:

• Power imbalances — The older partner usually has more money, career stability, life experience, and social connections. What feels like equality can shift quickly—he might pay for things, give "advice," or make decisions that feel helpful but quietly limit your options.
• Different life stages — You're exploring who you are, maybe college, first jobs, travel. He might be settled, thinking about kids (or more kids), buying a house, or even retirement. Those mismatches create tension down the line.
• Family and social pushback — Friends and family often worry, which can feel isolating. Constant judgment or concern wears on you.
• Long-term realities — In 10 years, you'll be in your 30s; he might be in his 50s. Energy levels, health, and priorities change faster than you might expect.
• Judgment from others — People assume things about you ("gold-digger") or him ("predator"). Even if it's genuine, the assumptions get exhausting.

These aren't rare—they're the top challenges that lead many age-gap couples to counseling or breakups.

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Why Parents Are Particularly Concerned (Especially Post-Epstein Files)

Your family isn't just being overprotective. The Epstein files—unsealed in waves through 2024-2026—revealed horrifying patterns: powerful older men targeting young women (often 18-24) with gifts, trips, status, and flattery that looked romantic at first but led to exploitation, isolation, and abuse. Headlines showed how grooming can start subtle and feel exciting.

Parents read those stories and see red flags everywhere: "What if the charm, the 'you're so mature,' the special treatment is the same playbook?" They remember protecting you as a kid and feel that instinct kick in hard. It's not paranoia—it's informed fear from real cases where young women were manipulated by men using age, power, and resources.

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What You Should Consider Right Now

Pause and reflect honestly—no pressure, just you:

1. Is this built on equality or dependence? Are you staying because it feels good, or because leaving would mean losing financial help, status, or that "special" feeling?
2. Do our paths align? Picture yourself at 30—career, family, lifestyle. Does he want the same things on a similar timeline?
3. Is my world getting smaller? Do you still see friends independently? Has he met your circle, or does he criticize them?
4. Am I truly independent? If he's covering big expenses or "helping" too much, that creates strings—even if unintentional.
5. Gut check — Would you encourage your best friend or little sister in this exact dynamic?

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How to Know If You're Being Taken Advantage Of

From my experience and patterns I've heard (and research backs up):

• He isolates you ("Your family doesn't get us," "They're holding you back").
• Heavy early love-bombing—lavish gifts, constant attention, "you're different/special."
• Pressure for sex, commitment, or changes before you're ready ("If you really cared...").
• Dismisses your views ("You're young, you'll see I'm right later").
• Anger or sulking when you set boundaries.
• Pattern of dating much younger women (ask around if you can—history matters).
• You feel more anxious, "not enough," or walking on eggshells than genuinely happy.

If several hit home, talk to someone neutral—a counselor, trusted friend, or hotline. Real love doesn't make you doubt yourself constantly.

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Why Loved Ones Worry About Your Emotional and Physical Safety

Stats show younger women in big age-gap relationships face higher risks: more emotional manipulation, controlling behavior, and even intimate partner violence. The older partner often has more leverage—financial, social, emotional—which can make it harder to leave or speak up.

They fear you'll lose years of your independence, confidence, or even safety. The emotional fallout when it ends can be devastating: heartbreak plus regret over time invested.

Your loved ones care because they've seen how easy it is to get charmed—and how hard it is to get out when power tilts one way.

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You're young, vibrant, and deserve relationships that lift you up without hidden costs. Age gaps aren't automatically toxic—mine worked out—but they require extra caution. Charm is powerful; wisdom is protection.

Be smart. Trust your instincts. Talk to people who have your back. The right person (older or not) will respect your boundaries, encourage your growth, and never make you choose between them and your well-being.

You've got so much ahead. Protect it fiercely.

With real talk and care,

Someone who's been there

New Year, New Connections: Exploring Fresh Relationships with Older Men

Hello, fabulous ladies! As we step into the new year, many singles or divorced people might find themselves reflecting on the connections that they have made over the holidays. Whether you met a charming older gentleman at a party, a cozy coffee shop, or even through mutual friends, the new year brings exciting possibilities. But what does that look like for your budding relationship?

Let’s talk about how to discover more about this fresh connection and set the tone for a meaningful year ahead!

1. Assess the Vibe: First things first, how do you feel about this new connection? Take a moment to reflect. Are you excited or just feeling the thrill of novelty? A new year is a great time to honestly assess your feelings and intentions.

2. Don't Rush It: Just because the calendar flipped doesn’t mean you need to leap ahead. Take your time getting to know each other better. Enjoy those first few dates, and allow the chemistry to build naturally. Patience can make all the difference!

3. Communicate Openly: As the relationship develops, practice open and honest communication. Share your thoughts and feelings while encouraging him to do the same. Transparency is key to laying a strong foundation—and it’s especially important when there’s an age gap.

4. Set Clear Boundaries: Understand what you want from this relationship and share those boundaries. Whether it’s how often you want to meet or what your dealbreakers are, knowing this will help manage expectations on both sides.

5. Enjoy the Journey: Remember, dating is a journey, not just a destination. Embrace the experiences and lessons that come your way. Get to know his interests, hobbies, and perspectives—they can enrich your own life and expand your horizons!

6. Have Fun with It: New relationships should be exciting, so don’t forget to have fun! Plan activities that allow you both to connect, whether it’s trying out a new restaurant, attending an event, or enjoying a quiet evening at home. Laughter and joy will strengthen your bond.

As you venture into this new year with your fresh face, keep your heart open and your mind alert. Celebrate the opportunity to create meaningful connections and don’t shy away from expressing your needs and desires.

Here’s to new beginnings and the exciting journey of love in 2026! Enjoy every moment!

Leave in the comments if you met someone new and how do you feel about your connection.

Check out Nicholl's dating book, Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues

When an Older Man Becomes Ill : What to Do, What to Say to a Younger Woman

Dating can be complex, especially when health issues arise. If you're an older man dating a younger woman and you discover that you're ill, it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and honesty. Here are some practical tips on what to say to your partner and why it's important to consider her feelings and future.

Communicate Openly

1. Be Honest About Your Condition: Share your diagnosis and what it means for your health. Avoid sugarcoating the situation; transparency is key. This honesty helps build trust and allows her to understand the reality of your situation.

2. Express Your Feelings: Let her know how you feel about the relationship and your concerns regarding your health. Sharing your emotions can strengthen your bond and help her process the situation.

3. Discuss Future Implications: Talk about how your illness might affect your relationship. This includes discussing potential changes in your lifestyle, emotional availability, and any limitations you might face.

Encourage Her Independence

1. Acknowledge Her Needs: Understand that your partner may have her own needs and aspirations. If your illness limits your ability to participate in activities or provide support, it’s important to recognize that she may need to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

2. Let Her Decide: It’s vital to give her the space to make her own choices about the relationship. If she feels the need to move on, support her decision. This can be incredibly difficult, but it’s essential for her well-being and future happiness.

3. Reassure Her: Let her know that you want what’s best for her, even if that means being apart. This reassurance can help alleviate any guilt she may feel about wanting to leave the relationship.

Why It’s Important to Let Her Move On

1. Emotional Health: Staying in a relationship where one partner is significantly burdened by illness can lead to resentment and emotional strain. Allowing her to move on can be a healthier choice for both of you [1].

2. Personal Growth: Relationships can be a source of personal growth. If your partner feels she needs to explore life without the constraints of your illness, it can lead to her development and happiness [2].

3. Avoiding Dependency: It’s important to avoid creating a dynamic where she feels obligated to care for you. This can lead to feelings of resentment and can undermine the foundation of your relationship [3].

Being in an age-gap relationship while facing illness is challenging. By communicating openly and allowing your partner the freedom to make her own choices, you can both find a path that respects your feelings and her future.

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Learn more:

1. Dating While Aging: Gems to Keep in Mind | Psychology Today
2. Why Do Older Men Date Younger Women?
3. GoodTherapy | 5 Considerations for Relationships with a B...

Still Dating an Older Man... But Not Settling Down with One? Let’s Talk About It.

Dating an older man can feel like a whirlwind—smooth talk, deep pockets, and a kind of calm that younger guys haven’t grown into yet. There’s a certain charm in someone who already knows who they are, who doesn’t flinch at silence, and who’s not glued to his phone during dinner. And for someone younger, especially in their 20s, that energy can feel grounding, even addictive. But here’s the twist—plenty of people date older men with zero intention of locking it down long-term. And not because they're confused or indecisive. It’s more layered than that.
Let’s unpack it.

1. Emotional Safety Without the Pressure

Older men often come with emotional maturity. They’ve been through enough to know how to handle moods, talk through issues, and not play games. For someone younger who’s tired of situationships and breadcrumb texting, that kind of consistency feels safe.
But safety isn’t always the same as compatibility. A person might keep dating older because it offers peace at the moment, even if they can’t picture building a future with someone who’s decades ahead in life stages.

2. The Mentor Vibe Is Real

Something is intoxicating about someone who knows their way around the world—career-wise, financially, socially. An older man can open doors, give advice, and teach things that a younger partner didn’t even know they needed to learn. 

That can create a strong bond. But admiration isn’t the same as alignment. Sometimes, the relationship feels more like a life lesson than a love story.

3. No Need to Grow Up Too Fast

Oddly enough, dating someone older can delay your own need to "grow up." He’s already been through the wedding, the house, the kids—maybe even the divorce. He’s not rushing to do all that again. So the younger partner can float in this no-pressure bubble where no one’s asking, “Where is this going?” every two weeks. But that bubble can burst. Eventually, someone wants more—or less. And if visions of the future don’t match, the clock starts ticking.

4. Power Dynamics Can Be Comforting (Until They’re Not)

When someone’s older, more stable, and more experienced, the power dynamic can feel oddly comforting—like letting someone else drive for a while. It removes some of the pressure. You can lean back and enjoy the ride. But over time, that imbalance can start to itch. It’s hard to build an equal partnership when one person has already lived an entirely different chapter of life.

5. Let’s Be Honest—Sometimes It’s About Resources

Money, lifestyle, connections. These things matter. Especially if the younger partner is still building their own path. Older men often come with less drama and more disposable income—and that can change the dating experience entirely. There’s no shame in that. But it can blur the lines between what’s real and what’s convenient.

6. Not All Older Men Want Forever, Either

It’s not always the younger person avoiding commitment. Some older men are just out here vibing too—recovering from divorce, protecting their peace, or just enjoying the company without long-term plans. That dynamic can work… until someone catches deeper feelings.

At the end of the day, people stay in relationships that give them something even if it’s not everything. Dating an older man doesn’t always mean someone’s looking for a father figure or planning a future with a retiree. Sometimes, it’s just about feeling understood in a world full of noise. But when the reality of different timelines, different values, or different goals starts creeping in, choices have to be made.

Keep it casual? Walk away? Or keep walking the fine line between “this works for now” and “this will never work forever”?

No judgment here—just the truth.

The Age Gap Relationships Team

Dating Older Men - Tacarra Williams - Chocolate Sundaes Standup Comedy

Exploring Age Gap Relationships: Tips for Older Men Dating Younger Women

Dating can be complex, but age-gap relationships bring their own unique set of challenges and rewards. For older men looking to date younger women, navigating this dynamic requires thoughtful consideration and genuine connection. Here are some valuable tips to help you build a successful relationship while being mindful of the nuances involved.

1. Embrace Open Communication

Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship, especially in age-gap dynamics. Discuss your expectations, desires, and concerns openly. This ensures both partners feel heard and valued, helping to build a strong foundation of trust.

2. Be Mindful of Life Stages

Recognize that you and your partner may be at different life stages. Younger women might be exploring careers, education, or personal growth, while older men may have established their paths. Understanding these differences can help you support each other’s goals and aspirations.

3. Cultivate Shared Interests

Finding common ground is essential for any relationship. Engage in activities that interest both of you, whether it’s traveling, trying new restaurants, or enjoying cultural experiences. Shared activities can strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.

4. Respect Each Other’s Independence

While it’s important to spend quality time together, respecting each other’s independence is equally vital. Allow your partner the space to maintain friendships and pursue personal interests. This balance fosters a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

5. Address Societal Perceptions

Age-gap relationships can sometimes face scrutiny from friends and family. Be prepared for potential judgments and have open discussions about how to navigate these challenges together. Supporting each other through societal perceptions can strengthen your partnership.

6. Focus on Emotional Connection

While physical attraction is often a key factor in any romance, a deep emotional connection is what sustains a relationship. Invest time in getting to know each other’s thoughts, feelings, and aspirations. This emotional intimacy creates a more profound bond that transcends age.

7. Stay Informed and Educated

Educate yourself about the potential challenges of dating someone significantly younger. Understanding the dynamics can help you navigate your relationship more effectively and prevent misunderstandings.

8. Seek Professional Guidance When Needed

If you encounter serious issues that challenge your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. While this blog offers general advice, it’s important to consult with a licensed therapist or counselor for personalized guidance. Remember, this blog is not intended for individuals under the age of 18.

Conclusion

Dating across generations can be a rewarding experience filled with personal growth and connection. By embracing open communication, respecting independence, and fostering emotional intimacy, older men can successfully navigate the complexities of dating younger women. Always remember that seeking professional advice is a wise step when facing serious relationship challenges.

Embrace the journey, and enjoy the unique experiences that come with your age-gap relationship!

The Age Gap Relationships Team

Exploring Age Gap Relationships: Concerns, Benefits, and Father-Daughter Bonds

 Age gap relationships, also known as May-December romances, are becoming increasingly common in the 21st century. Dating someone who is significantly older than you can come with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. In some cases, families can object to their daughters dating an older man due to safety concerns or potential manipulation.

One of the major reasons why families object to their daughter dating an older man is because of the age gap itself. It can be difficult for a young girl to relate to someone much older than her, and vice versa. This type of relationship can also put the younger partner at risk of manipulation or abuse due to the power imbalance between them.

In addition to safety concerns, some parents feel that it is important for their daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father or a father figure, before entering into an age gap relationship. This can help ensure that the young girl is properly prepared to handle the complexities of an adult relationship without relying on someone who has significantly more life experience than she does.

Statistics show that couples in age gap relationships tend to be happier and last longer than couples in relationships with a smaller age gap. This may be due to the fact that older men have typically had more experience in life, making them better able to handle the complexities of such a relationship.

It’s important for both parents and their daughter to have an open dialogue about age gap relationships when they arise. Acknowledging the potential risks involved, while also understanding the possible benefits can help ensure that any relationship is a healthy one. Ultimately, it’s important for everyone to approach age gap relationships with open minds and an understanding of both sides of the argument.

However, if a daughter does enter into such a relationship, it is important for her to take responsibility for her decisions and be aware of the potential risks. She should assess both partners’ emotional maturity, as well as decide if she is comfortable with the age gap between them. It is also important to remember that such relationships must be consensual in order for it to be healthy and beneficial for all involved.

Age gap relationships can come with their own unique set of challenges but they can also be incredibly rewarding. It is important for families to understand both the potential risks and benefits involved before entering into this type of relationship, so that all parties involved can make an informed decision. With open communication and understanding, age gap relationships can offer a unique opportunity to explore different aspects of life and love.

At the end of the day, it's important for the daughter to make sure that she is making decisions that are in her best interest, and that she feels safe and supported every step of the way. With open communication between all parties involved, it is possible to have a fulfilling age gap relationship.

With this being said, it’s important to remember that no two relationships are the same and that age is just one factor in a successful relationship. What matters most is that both parties are emotionally mature enough to handle the complexities of such a relationship and that there is mutual respect between them. With open communication, understanding, and trust, any two people can have an amazing relationship—regardless of age.

Ultimately, it's important for families and their daughters to understand the potential risks and benefits associated with age gap relationships before entering into one. With open communication, understanding, and making sure that all parties involved are emotionally mature enough to handle such a relationship, it is possible for a fulfilling and rewarding age gap relationship.

This being said, while it can be difficult for families to accept their daughter's decision to enter into an age gap relationship, they must remember to maintain open communication and respect their daughter's autonomy in this matter. Ultimately, it is important that all parties involved acknowledge the potential risks and benefits of such a relationship before entering into it. With mutual understanding and emotional maturity on both sides, any couple can have a fulfilling age gap relationship.

It is also important to remember that any relationship, regardless of the age gap between partners, should be build on mutual trust and respect. With open communication and understanding, all couples have the potential to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship — regardless of the age gap between them.

No matter what type of relationship you enter into, it’s important to remember that communication is key. Both parties must trust and respect each other, while also being open to discussing any potential issues that may arise throughout the course of their relationship. With open communication and understanding, any two people can have an amazing and fulfilling relationship — regardless of age or other factors. 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, check it out on Amazon.com

So Who's the Old Guy? Personal Experience Dating Older Men

I was that relative showing up at the holiday event with the old guy, seen walking with the old guy, and at the club with the old guy years ago.  So, the family didn't like that too much.  "Why are you with that older man?  You are too young for him.  What do you see in him?  What does he see in you?  Oh, you got daddy issues!"  Wow!  Thanks so much fam, for the support! 

It wasn't that the old guy or guys (there was more than one) were seniors who were leaned over in walkers, farting, and scratching their rears!  They were in their 40s (one in his 50s), professionals, dressed well, and had all their senses about them.  I was in my 20s at the time and yes, a head-turner.  

I liked dating those guys, I liked their presence, the way they moved.  They were mature, kind, generous, and took their time about things.  They weren't in a rush to do everything under the sun, they weren't silly men, and they weren't ugly.  They were friendly and I liked friendly.  I talked to just about anyone at that time in my life.  I like good conversation, so hey, they were around, I was around and so let's get the party started!  But that was then....

What have I learned since then when one brings the old guy here there and everywhere?  Your family has a point.  You weren't expecting that, huh?  Do you really know the older guy and what exactly he wants with you?  Do you truly understand what might the future hold if you should get pregnant, get married, and how deep the rabbit hole goes with his past?  Can you handle all of what comes with him or many hims in your 20s?  Looking back, had those men not shielded me from their demons, the answer would be, "No!"  They gave me the g-rated version of themselves because simply put, they were involved with me for a good time.  I wasn't the future.  I was in the meantime.  Let me say that again, in the meantime!  

What I discovered in our talks was that there was a wife, a mistress, ex-girlfriends, and women who had been in their lives who had only wanted friendship and so those ladies got away without giving them a single kiss.  I would later discover for good reasons.  Those friendly, older men didn't want to be faithful, they didn't want to spend money, they didn't want children, they didn't want to be honest with themselves much less anyone else, they didn't want to be going places, all they really wanted was a "I want it now" experience!  

Well, I was in my 20s (young, dumb, and full of...) and I too just wanted an "in the meantime" experience, because the truth was, I really didn't know exactly what I wanted in a relationship.  It just seemed fun shrouding my mind with mystery about Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky, and Mike--lol and I didn’t think I was "Poison" at the time.  I mean that girl might be “poison,” because you couldn't get the upper hand on her and you and the crew couldn’t do her, but I digress.  

I just liked being in the moment and guessing what was behind door number 3 back in the 90s when issues with these "old fools" would arise as my family would put it.  Ignoring all red flag warning signs, operating on cruise control, I saw that their traffic was showing up in my life, uh oh, turn off cruise control to avoid a wreck!  My turning off cruise control was just not calling back, no longer accepting invites, declining gifts, and moving on to the next one who might be better than the last.

I wasn't interested in learning the answer to "why" I dated older in my youth, I just liked doing it until I didn't.  I started connecting the dots much later in life.  Since then, I wrote Say Goodbye to Dad, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, and Laboring to Love Myself for good reasons. I began to connect with my spiritual self and realized the importance of having a faith and why it is crucial early on in life to maintain it so that one isn't here, there, and everywhere--no matter the age!

So, who really was the old guy or guys who were either invited or randomly showing up in my life?  They were extensions of an old me, who wanted to become a new me, but wasn't quite sure how to go about it between all the distractions.  

Upon closer inspection of these older men and what they had going on or not, they represented what I wanted for me!  I wanted a car back then, but I had no driver's license, so they were all-too willing to drive me.  But that's not what I needed--I needed a teacher.  I wanted money, lots of it, and they were willing to buy me a dinner here and a movie ticket there, but they weren't going to pay my bills.  What I needed was a career coach.  They were creative and some were handy.  Nice compliments to my lifestyle, but it didn't hurt to learn a trade or two so I could fix my own stuff.  

A couple of older men already had families that they were supposedly responsible for (so why be out in those streets)?  I didn't need to involve myself in their family dramas, I just needed to continue to read about marriage and family in the quiet of my place. 

You see, the dating older, at least for me, was much deeper than it appeared to be.  I hadn't put it altogether at that time in my life because I simply didn't know what was happening with me or them.  Then I also learned they were having a mid-life crisis even though they wouldn't dare say so.  They were still trying to figure out what they wanted at that time in their lives; oftentimes they weren't all that happy about where they were in life.  I was somehow a vision/fantasy/a goal of what they had yet to accomplish in life or in some cases they had not come to terms with their youthful passions were officially over. 

My youth was still very much alive and thriving and that’s what those older guys back then wanted for themselves again.  One said, "I made him feel alive again..."  Another one said, "I feel like I am back in high school again."  Another guy said, "I'll leave my wife for you!"  What!?  My energy was what they remembered from yesteryear.  My drive to win at whatever I was doing professionally made them feel like they could do some things differently in their lives including a few pursuing other careers and making more money based on my suggestions.  They lived vicariously through me when I performed (I had my own poetry group and I acted part-time).  I talked about what my next moves were back in college including moving out of state to pursue a career in journalism, and why I enjoyed what I did at the time.  So, I was not only "cute, beautiful, gorgeous, energetic, fun, cool to be around," they would say, but I had a lot going on in my young life.

So, the next time you or someone you know starts that conversation with, "Who's the old guy?" Just say, "He's a part of me in the meantime."  If they don't get it, no need to explain. Looking back at young me and giving her a bit of advice, I wouldn't say why are you dating these old guys, rather I would say, "Let's get this guy to either teach you how to drive or pay for lessons.  Let's get that other guy to hook you up with some names and numbers to help you get a better job.  And your other friend, well girlfriend, don't continue to befriend him, he already got what you are trying to get one day, marriage and family.  Don’t waste your time with people seeking vain pursuits!" 

When you discover that the old guy is you, it's time to rediscover who exactly you want to become by putting off the old guy and putting on the new you! 

Nicholl McGuire is the owner and contributor to this blog.  Learn more here.

Two Mistakes Men Make Dating YOUNGER Women

The Wise Older Men Who will Not be Played by Youth and Beauty

Around the globe, there are many older men, whether immature or not, who date younger women, but for the wise man, he is not like other men, who may be older by number, yet still have much growing up to do.

Experienced and mature, the older, single man refuses to be misled by a wayward young woman who knows little about him or respects his life experiences.  The unwise and immature woman assumes she knows him, because her father, uncle, male co-worker and ex-boyfriend are older.  She may have been spoiled or not by the men in her life.  She may have envisioned what her ideal younger Mr. Right might be, yet learned the hard way that he simply doesn't exist.  She may have a list of 20 plus things she wants from a man, based on her conversations with older women, and still hasn't scored big.  The young lady may have deceptive plans to get her needs met by any means necessary.  

After learning of a young woman's ill intentions, the mature man will not be so kind, no matter how beautiful. He is aware of the youthful one who fakes interest in him just so that she can fulfill a void or worse get close to his connections, material assets or other more attractive things.  

These charming young women, who unfortunately do manipulative things, will eventually "need space, want to break up" when they have had enough of the older man's resistance and wise observations. The mature man just might drive the poor girl out of his life, because he has seen that type before!

When we think of those abusive older men, who were quite cruel, to young women, we may have overlooked their reasons as to why they behaved so harshly.  Of course, it is not ever acceptable to abuse anyone, but what might have triggered some abusive older men to behave so disrespectfully with younger women?  For some men, they realized that what they did in their youth to others, came back around full circle and they hated their younger partners for it!  The idea that someone so beautiful, friendly, and considerate could so easily and effortlessly hurt them is too much too deal with for some disturbed men, so they go off mentally and/or physically!  The older men, who are known abusers, are dangerous and will not tolerate younger women lying, stealing, cheating, or doing any other things to hurt them whether justified or not.

Now the more self-controlled older man, wise in his ways, he will be strategic in what he does to learn more about the young woman who he might suspect has her share of motives for agreeing to date him.  He will not be so easily charmed into believing that the woman is in like or love with him.  He realizes that there is a significant age difference and so with that he will have many questions and would want very much to find out, "Why me?  What does she like about me?  What does she really want from me?"  He has every right to question what is it about this young lady that she is drawn to concerning him especially when most young women wouldn't even look twice at him much less accept his advances.  

At the start of the relationship, it will seem too good to be true.  That's because it probably is!  Whether the young lady knows that she has her share of personal issues or not concerning dating older men, for the logical-minded man, he knows that one day she will awake to a harsh truth, her personal reality, that someone or something was absent in her life and that the older man who is in her life now is there to fulfill that void.  For the sake of her beauty, attention and warm affection, the older man, whether wise or not, just might accept his role, but in the back of his mind he knows the truth.

When dating the younger woman, the wise older man is not going to be too concerned about the challenges he faces while dating her, because as a man, most people are not going to approach him with, "Why are you dating her?"  They know better.  He also knows that he has more life experience so he knows that he can provide some value to her life.  What may bother him in time, however, is what can the young woman really do for him?  Is she an added benefit to his life or a burden?  He may be tempted to "train" her into a role that she may or may not be willing to accept.  During the early part of the relationship, she may be resistant to his requests and strategies.  Unfortunately, she might view what he is suggesting/advising/arguing about as being controlling.

Many challenges might arise in the May-December romance, but ultimately what is to be learned is that the wise older man is not easily charmed by the youth and beauty of a woman.

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues  

Dating Older Men or Younger Women? What has been your experience?

For years we have reported and shared personal experiences dating mature men and younger women.  The site has gained momentum over the years because of great content and readers willing to share!  If you are someone who would like to share your experience, product or service that appeals to our singles, feel free to use the contact form on the side bar.  We would love to feature your content for a reasonable fee.  Thanks so much and keep coming back to the blog for great information!

Wounded Men Dating

Stay or Breakup - When the Younger or Older Date May Not Want a Relationship Anymore

Age gap dating.  You thought you could stick it out, but he is just too old or she is just too young.  You didn't think much about this before, but now there are things he or she is saying or doing that make you think twice about continuing an age gap relationship.  Chances are your well-meaning relatives warn you of times like these, but you said, "Age ain't nothing but a number." Sure.

To stay or break up?  You probably thought about the following:

1)  If I stay I could remain in what could be a potentially great relationship when I'm older.

2)  If I stay my partner might change into the man or woman of my dreams.

3)  If I stay, he or she might be a great dad or mom to my future offspring.

4)  If I stay, I might be well taken care of and continue to feel safe for a long time with him or her.

5)  If I stay, we might acquire much in our lifetimes and I won't have to worry so much. 

But if I break up...

1)  I will be free to date other men or women closer to my age.

2)  I won't have to be concerned about having children one day.

3)  I won't wrestle so much with feelings related to the age gap any longer.

4)  I won't have to take care of him in the future since it appears his health is declining. 

I won't have to worry that she will run off and be with someone more healthier and fit.

5)  I won't have to keep up with his requests and demands because he assumes I'm younger so I can handle them.

I won't have to keep up with this young woman's requests and demands, because I am too old for this---been there, done that!

These thoughts are just some of many that might go through a woman or man's mind who is contemplating on staying or breaking up.  If an older partner doesn't know or refuses to talk about the issues, the break up is inevitable.  If the younger woman has a nonchalant attitude about these issues when discussed, the mature gentleman will want to break up with her sooner rather than later.  

One will need to look at what is driving the negative thoughts.  Did he or she view media that made him or her think about these things?  Did someone talk to a partner and raise doubts?  Has future plans changed that doesn't include a partner?  Have there been so many disagreements lately that may be causing discord?  Do both people feel like there are not enough things they have in common with one another to sustain the relationship?

Whatever the issues, there is nothing wrong with looking inwardly at what you really want from the relationship.  In any relationship, whether age gap or not, people change.  Some couples grow weary of one another because there was never any solid foundation between the pair from the start.  The older gentleman or younger woman could have been a rebound from a past relationship that left he or she heartbroken.  Therefore, the new partner was a nice distraction from the past pain, but didn't do much more than that emotionally, spiritually, and/or physically.  

The age gap pair could have developed a trauma bound because they had more negative in common than positive when they shared experiences.  They may have been great friends that thought having a sexual relationship would be a good idea only to find out they should have remained platonic friends. 

Decide what it is that you truly want out of your life, before discussing whether you want to stay or break up with a partner.  Ask yourself the following:

1)  Have I begun to work on or accomplish my dreams since being with this person?

2)  Is this person a great support in helping me reach my life goals or does he or she look for ways to talk me out of doing things I thoroughly enjoy?  (If you don't have any goals start writing them.)

3)  By next Valentine's Day, what did we accomplish together that bettered our relationship?

4)  When this person comes around me or when they call me, do I feel content to hear his or her voice or does this person simply annoy me and I can't wait to get away from her or him?

5)  Can I honestly say that I love this person not just what they do for me or the kind words they say to me?

6)  Do I feel proud being out in public with this person or do I look for ways to avoid inviting this person to go out with me? 

7)  Can I see myself with this person 5, 10, or even 15 plus years from now?  Why or why not?

If you answered most of these questions with negative responses and you really have no desire to do anything different, it is safe to say that maybe this person isn't right for you regardless of his or her age.  

Whenever positives outweigh the negatives in any relationship and there is no way of resolving them, this is when the hard decisions will need to be made.  Two people must be willing to work together on the issues rather than frequently arguing about them. 

Think about this, if you honestly believe your relationship is a dead-end headed nowhere, why continue to be unavailable to that one person (somewhere in this world) who really wants to be with you while being available to that one person who doesn't complete you and appears to care less about you?

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.

Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger

There are life lessons to be learned the hard way when it comes to dating older and younger.  Some things you simply don't learn by someone cautioning you, you end up discovering why they warned you in the first place much later in life.  You most likely heard the following:

"She is just too young for you.  What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?"  Life lesson:  She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.

"He is too old for you.  Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?"  Life lesson:  He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child.  He doesn't care much what the child does.

"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?"  Life lesson:  She is so immature.  What was I thinking?

"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!"  Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.

Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance.  There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.

So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time.  He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older.  She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger.  What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.

The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship.  He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it.  He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did.  The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient.  She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances.  Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you?  Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"

No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do!  You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age.  He is so mature for his...not like those other guys."  Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship.  You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives.  You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated.  You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks.  A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers.  There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts.  An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.

You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom.  Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met.  The excuses get old.  Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines.  If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again?  If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth?  Why are you in a relationship again?

Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together.  This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in.  It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.

Test Whether a Date is Trustworthy

Sometimes dating is far more difficult than it should be simply because dates are not honest with themselves or others.  In order to learn whether someone is trust worthy, you will need to put them through some tests.

1)  Place money in a spot and notice whether your date will take it without mentioning that it is there.

2)  Share seemingly private information to a date and notice whether he or she will carry that information to a mutual friend.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

3)  Tell your date something strange or embarrassing and add, “I don’t want my mother to know.”  Then take your date to meet your mother.  Visit with Mom or parents for awhile and find out later if your date shared anything personal about you to them.  No matter how silly it was or even made up, your date has showed he or she can’t be trusted with valuable information.  You can test your date again this time visiting a chatty friend and notice whether he or she mentions something private about you.

4)  Leave your phone out with no privacy settings.  Will your date take a look?  Set up a hidden camera.

5)  Set one of your bedroom drawers in such a way where you purposely leave something hanging out.  Inside the drawer leave an old wallet or change purse and see if any of the contents were checked or removed.

6)  Set an envelope out in the open that says “confidential,” will your date ask you about it or wait until you leave and check it.

7)  Send your date to pick up something from a store using a debit card you don’t have much money on.  Specifically state a dollar amount your date is permitted to spend, will he or she spend more than what you told him or her?  Worse, will he or she fail to get you what you want and come back with something else for self!

With tips like these, you will easily be able to determine your date’s level of trustworthiness.  Most people who fail a few or more of these tests are usually selfish, dishonest and manipulative.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She’s Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.  

Young Women: The Pretty Boy will Play You Even if He is Older

When will some young and old women learn?  The pretty boy (or once pretty boy) has been well-trained by other attractive individuals on how to benefit from those men and women who aren’t as appealing as he.  The strategy: to use his handsome appearance to get what he wants.  The unattractive targets need not be concerned about your wants just be glad you were able to catch his eye.  Terrible attitude the pretty boy has, but with such good looks why be concerned with attitude? In his eyes, you should be d@mn grateful to even be in the same room with him!  

When you come from a family of beautiful and handsome men and women, most likely those in the group have repeatedly encouraged you and other family members to connect with someone who is just as attractive if not more.  In so many ways, they tell you, "Don't bring any ugly people around here!"  So older might fall under the ugly category if you don't keep your looks up.  So shallow conceited people are, but you don't have to date/sex/marry them!

Let’s face it, stunning men and women don’t come around often, and when they do, oftentimes most not-so appealing people will want to talk, date, or have a fling with them.  This is why some older men don't care if a hottie has 10 boyfriends in addition to him, all some gentlemen care about is how "fine," "sexy" or "young" she is and when can they have sex.  Mature men know it isn't often that a young, attractive person comes their way, so when they do, "What do you like?"  Is one of many charming questions they might ask in attempt to get their needs met too.

If that handsome man, who knows he is fine, shows a little interest in someone who isn’t attractive, the individual receiving the attention thinks that he or she is on top of the world.  Desperation tends to come out with the dare I say it, ugly person to stay in that attractive person’s radar because he or she knows that there are many others they could be with instead of him or her.

Unattractive people with low self-esteem tend to put far more into relationships with pretty boys than most.  They even stick around well past the expiration date.  They know a relationship is unfulfilling, yet they try to make things work, because, "Well, he is so good-looking!"  They know they are gorgeous, have more opportunities, etc., yet they will go the distance with pretty boys if they can stand the pain of cheating, lying, power and control remaining with them.  Pretty boys who don't know they are jaw-dropping handsome tend to pick partners who may not even come close to appealing, but are "nice" or "easy to talk to." 

Of course, there is more than meets the eye in some of these relationships, but when exactly do you know that a pretty boy is merely putting on an act?  You don't unless you pay attention to signs that his mind is everywhere but on you.  He knows that he isn’t that into you, he thinks he might grow to love you, but the reality this might happen is dismal.  

A selfish, pretty boy always has it in the back of his mind, "I can do better.  Why do I bother with this ugly, over weight, unattractive, or crazy woman?"  The reason who puts up with whoever or whatever in the meantime is because he is getting one or many of his most important needs met: house, car, bills paid, clothes bought, travel, gifts, etc.

The pretty boys' women have money, a generous spirit, connections, and good credit while the women who might be equally beautiful don’t have as much.  Anyone with good sense knows you go where the opportunity is.  No matter how sexy someone looks, if he or she can’t keep a roof over his or her head, food in the fridge, and money in his or her pocket, then that person isn't worth anyone's time especially for the pretty boy!  Many pretty boys are also mama's boys and most likely were told to look your best and you will get the best!  Shallow-thinking moms raise shallow-thinking sons.

Pretty boys are use to being cared for and are typically the favorite in the family.  If they have used their handsomeness to get over on family and ahead in life, a less attractive partner will need to be aware that he will use his beautiful eyes, dashing smile, fit build, and charming words to control her too.  He knows that his woman feels insecure, threatened, and might even lose her cool around competition, so if he does have women friends or lovers, he is going to be careful to keep them on the down low.  He doesn’t want to mess up the money, gifts and other things he might be getting from his unattractive woman.

Some older men still think they are pretty boys even when beauty has long faded due to the gaining process and not taking good care of themselves over decades.  They may have received many compliments in their youth, but now that they are older, they simply aren’t nice to view especially for a long period of time or on a daily basis.  This is why their relationships with younger companions don't last over time.  

Older men who think they still got it are often frustrated when they see the truth for what it is.  There are far better looking men who are working hard to take care of themselves.  They are turning heads and find it easy to meet women.  But the unattractive men, who falsely believe they still got it, learn the hard way.  Most women, especially young ones, are really not interested in them unless money, security, power and fame are involved.  

Many selfish women look to the Internet to solve their problems with meeting "the right men."  It is then that the playing starts.  Both the attractive as well as the unattractive older men, who falsely believe they are something that they are not, sometimes operate like gold-diggers hoping to obtain not only sex, but fun times they don’t have to pay for with women--think: the attractive Dine and Dash type.  Meanwhile, these sex starved, desperate women will gladly welcome them not knowing they are being played even before these men’s dating profiles are fully completed.

Best advice: Don't date for looks or for money!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues. 

No Support for Underage Sex, Dating Minors

I understand that some men and women enjoy dating older and younger.  But how young are we talking?  There are laws in the land for good reason.  I know that some men and women have their attractions, preferences to certain age groups.  I for one had mine, older men.  For some older men, they absolutely love dating younger women in their twenties.  I was once in my twenties and dated my share of men in their 40s and one in his fifties.  However, I don't support dating/abusing/messing with children, seriously.  They are still developing mentally and physically, they have their lives ahead of them so why spoil them?  Yet, selfish predators will do just that!  Most likely they were spoiled by someone or a group who abused them and now here they go repeating the cycle.  Children don't deserve that no matter how much they think they are mature enough to handle someone older!

When I didn't have children I stayed away from topics like this because my thought was, "It's not my business."  But that was incorrect thinking, it is your business--it's everyone's business!  That is someone's child.  A child who can learn much about life in positive and productive ways that foster independence, raise self-esteem, teach them to be good spouses and parents without trading their innocence!  This is why there are functional caretakers, authorities and licensed professionals available who aren't the least bit interested in taking advantage of them sexually.  Yet, we live in a world of predators who could care less about anyone but their selfish needs being met no matter how dark, disturbing, or demented they might be!  For some sexual predators, as long as it isn't their child being abused, they don't care!  These same people will talk up a storm about what they wouldn't allow to happen to their mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, etc.  But that victim, who is being used and/or abused, is someone's relative, friend, co-worker...!

As much as some men and women attempt to justify their dysfunctional relationships, those of us who know better just aren't buying it!  A young, brainwashed woman, who managed to get free from her abusive handler/lover, shared her experience--at the time she met him she was underage.  She wrote about it anonymously and spoke about her ordeal on television.  Some of you might be familiar with American R&B singer and songwriter R. Kelly.  She claims he allegedly abused her as well as many other women.  You can check her work out for yourself here.  If the 90 plus page book is taken down, look for it under this title, Sex Me Confessions of Daddy's Little Freak.  Funny, when I was about 19 years old, I looked at that CD by Aaliyah, "Age ain't nothing but a number" and in the background stood R. Kelly.  He looked suspect back then and I turned to my boyfriend and said something like, "Look at this title, he probably is with her."  Yep, he was.  Aaliyah was 15 years old when rumors surfaced about her and R. Kelly. 

It's unfortunate that I have to include a blog post such as this, but it is very necessary since some people just don't understand that age is more than a number when you are dealing with children not only are you destroying a child, but your life too when a person or group finds out, is it worth it?

Nicholl McGuire

Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do

She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age.  However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her. 

She talked herself into dating them.  There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count.  She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."

As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.

You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older.  They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older.  They give their wives and children hell too!  But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..."  That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh!  The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all.  Care turns into possession.  Love turns into hate.  Patience turns into irritability.  Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest.  If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."

There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial.  She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant.  She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better.  "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman.  He has a daughter for God sake!  Why does he treat me like this?  He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.

If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go.  This is when your maturity needs to kick in.  You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc. 

The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests.  But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone.  Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in.  There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa.  True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.

A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day.  It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.

Nicholl McGuire

Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change

He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others.  The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors.  He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion.  When you meet him, you have struck gold!  He is loving and wants what is best for you.  You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.

Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception.  Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration.  His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.

Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men.  You either learn to tolerate them or move on.  As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere.  Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.

Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause).  The pair don't tend to get along either.  This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce.  Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too.  A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is.   Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.

So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger.  However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them.  They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.