Saturday
On Attending Family Events with a Date - Personal Experience, Self-Help Book
When I first started dating in my youth, I always found myself either accepting or declining an invite to attend my dates' family events. I will be the first to admit, I wasn't always eager to meet my companions' kin especially when I knew there was no future with them. Later in life, I would have long term relationships and find that some people were okay about occasional cancellations and others not so much. The negative talk would start about "Why didn't you come?" along with questions to see how close was I to my own family.
It wasn't that I had issues with the individuals at some of these gatherings; I just didn't feel the need to support my partners' every time they chose to connect with their families. I recall witnessing my own family quite happy when in-laws, girlfriends and boyfriends were no shows every now and then. They simply wanted to spend some time with their relatives without their better half always around. If you think about it, we do tend to let our hair down more so when partners aren't around.
Meeting someone's new girlfriend or boyfriend, in-laws, extended relatives, half sisters and brothers, etc. can be particularly burdensome especially around holidays. Do we even bother to remember all those names? We don't always want to be around our own intermediate family much less the aunt of the cousin whose friend is a friend of...you know the feeling.
When you are involved with someone who really enjoys the company of his or her family a little more than you do, the last thing you want to do is hurt him or her, so you go along to get along month after month or year after year until one day a light bulb goes off, "I don't want to keep doing this! I really want to do something different this year." If resentment is mixed with anger once you arrive to this revelation, those emotions are sure to bring confusion for yourself and/or household, because for so long you had chose to do some things to appease someone else.
One should never obligate his or herself to go somewhere he or she rather not just because the individual doesn't want to hurt a partner's feelings. What about yours? Keep this in mind when you read my book, Should I Go to the Party? This isn't just a book that questions whether a party is worth attending or not, but it challenges you to establish a plan before you are faced with the dilemmas and trials that come with attending an event. There are so many stories where people wish they had never gone somewhere and met the people that they did.
Stop the cycle of going along just to get along and look a little closer at those in your social circle who just love inviting folks to all sorts of events even when they know full well trouble-makers will be present--is it worth it? Could accepting the wrong invitation be the end of a good relationship, friendship? Check out
Nicholl McGuire is the author of other books including: Say Goodbye to Dad, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, and What Else Can I do on the Internet?
Sunday
The "When I Need Her" Girl - Is that You?
She is called upon only when the older gentleman is in need of her time and affection. He doesn't kiss her on the lips when they meet or have sex, because according to him, "Well that is just personal."
The well-dressed gentleman is not what you would consider a sugar daddy or even a rich gentleman--even though his wardrobe is quite deceiving, he is simply an old player. A man with many tricks who knows how to play games with silly, naive women who think they will be taken care of by him. What does love have to do with anything anyway in the player's world? Selfish men and women have agendas. Their arranged meetings, whether secretly or publicly, have little to do with love.
In the case of the mature gentleman, one who has had more than enough travel and sex in his eighty plus years on this planet, the "When I Need Her" Girl of 10 plus years is nothing more than a toy he brings out every now and then. His body is with the wife any other time. The player says what attracted him to his wife was her big breasts and legs, but others say it was her money too. The beauty his committed companion once had as well as the player has long passed away. He admits that the women loved him, but he couldn't love them, because he had no love for self.
The wife seems to be quite content just being in the moment with her player husband while the residue of drugs, sex and rock n roll still remain on her even at seventy plus years old. She is numb to the pain her mate has caused her over the years. She is emotionally spent and so she runs away in her mind whenever one starts to get to close to her personal pain settling with a player for decades. The wife was aware of more than just one of her husband's "When I Need Her" girls. She has long stopped crying and protesting and has settled with the "bad boy" she got mixed up with many years ago.
When I think of the other women, those who knew or didn't know that their lovers were married, I can't help but shiver. They didn't care much about playing second fiddle, being used whenever husbands wanted them and then later disposed. The old player, described previously, wasn't the one contributing much to the cat and mouse game, but the young women were. The man's wardrobe, housing, food, etc. was funded by women. According to the player, he has got it made.
As for the "When I Need Her" girls, well we all know where they stand...on corners, at bars, on therapists' couches, in churches, hospital beds, hiding in closets, and elsewhere wishing/hoping/praying for more than what they settled for.
Nicholl McGuire
The well-dressed gentleman is not what you would consider a sugar daddy or even a rich gentleman--even though his wardrobe is quite deceiving, he is simply an old player. A man with many tricks who knows how to play games with silly, naive women who think they will be taken care of by him. What does love have to do with anything anyway in the player's world? Selfish men and women have agendas. Their arranged meetings, whether secretly or publicly, have little to do with love.
In the case of the mature gentleman, one who has had more than enough travel and sex in his eighty plus years on this planet, the "When I Need Her" Girl of 10 plus years is nothing more than a toy he brings out every now and then. His body is with the wife any other time. The player says what attracted him to his wife was her big breasts and legs, but others say it was her money too. The beauty his committed companion once had as well as the player has long passed away. He admits that the women loved him, but he couldn't love them, because he had no love for self.
The wife seems to be quite content just being in the moment with her player husband while the residue of drugs, sex and rock n roll still remain on her even at seventy plus years old. She is numb to the pain her mate has caused her over the years. She is emotionally spent and so she runs away in her mind whenever one starts to get to close to her personal pain settling with a player for decades. The wife was aware of more than just one of her husband's "When I Need Her" girls. She has long stopped crying and protesting and has settled with the "bad boy" she got mixed up with many years ago.
When I think of the other women, those who knew or didn't know that their lovers were married, I can't help but shiver. They didn't care much about playing second fiddle, being used whenever husbands wanted them and then later disposed. The old player, described previously, wasn't the one contributing much to the cat and mouse game, but the young women were. The man's wardrobe, housing, food, etc. was funded by women. According to the player, he has got it made.
As for the "When I Need Her" girls, well we all know where they stand...on corners, at bars, on therapists' couches, in churches, hospital beds, hiding in closets, and elsewhere wishing/hoping/praying for more than what they settled for.
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Why Did I Start a Blog about Young Women and Older Men...
Sometimes I have to go back to why I even bothered to put this blog together. I mean I didn't have to broadcast anything about subject matter like this, because well you readers know everything, right? Actually you don't and neither do I and so the need for this blog over the years has been necessary.
We think when we meet people that we know so much. We read articles, watch TV, hear
stories, had dating experiences...so we think we can handle almost anything that comes our way when it comes to dating. But can you really when things aren't going so well in your life? Nope. You are left wide open, weak for a thrill. You want a change in routine, something new, fresh, different...I get it. But I don't support it when you already have someone at home that loves/likes you. I'm not encouraging a person of faith to compromise their belief for anyone. It isn't worth losing your anointing. I am definitely not the one who will cheer you on when you are a victim either of a turbulent relationship.
I will say that I absolutely love sharing advice and listening to stories that relate to the content on this blog. You can always learn something new if you are open to receiving. Don't let negative past experiences keep you from growing and loving! I for one am quite content in my lifestyle choice (married older) and look forward to the future. Who knows, maybe I might be a cougar one day--just kidding, but then maybe not, hmmm.
Thanks for reading, keep scrolling and click those ads too--appreciate the support!
Nicholl
We think when we meet people that we know so much. We read articles, watch TV, hear
stories, had dating experiences...so we think we can handle almost anything that comes our way when it comes to dating. But can you really when things aren't going so well in your life? Nope. You are left wide open, weak for a thrill. You want a change in routine, something new, fresh, different...I get it. But I don't support it when you already have someone at home that loves/likes you. I'm not encouraging a person of faith to compromise their belief for anyone. It isn't worth losing your anointing. I am definitely not the one who will cheer you on when you are a victim either of a turbulent relationship.
I will say that I absolutely love sharing advice and listening to stories that relate to the content on this blog. You can always learn something new if you are open to receiving. Don't let negative past experiences keep you from growing and loving! I for one am quite content in my lifestyle choice (married older) and look forward to the future. Who knows, maybe I might be a cougar one day--just kidding, but then maybe not, hmmm.
Thanks for reading, keep scrolling and click those ads too--appreciate the support!
Nicholl
Monday
Feel Left Out? Age Gap Relationships Can be Lonely
He doesn't want to bring you around his relatives or peers because he is uncomfortable with the age difference despite his saying he is okay with it. She doesn't want you attending a family event because males in her family don't approve of you being much older.
So what do age gap couples end up doing when family and friends make them feel uncomfortable at events? They stay home. They say, "Who cares? We don't need them...We love one another." But deep down inside maybe the young woman really wanted to be with her family and maybe the older gentleman desired to spend time with kinfolk.
We don't often hear about the challenges of dating older or younger because the people who are celebrating their new love interests are still quite blinded by sex and beauty. But when tough times show up, they keep their business to themselves.
There is a loneliness that some couples feel when so many family members don't necessarily like their choice in a partner whether old or young. The feeling of being casted out or not liked because of one's actions is not a good feeling especially when you are use to being the favorite in a family.
Age gap relationships can be difficult and lonely at times depending on who you might have connected to like: the selfish, stubborn, angry, controlling or rude types. The frustrations that might arise because one didn't bother to think too deeply about how a partner might feel about relationship concerns can come spilling out between the pair in unusual ways such as: frequent disputes about meaningless things, silent treatment, pouting, passive aggressive behaviors, etc. The fact is that people tend to be more comfortable around folks who are about the same age or a little younger or older. They share many common interests and at times find other things that are attractive about one another.
Watch out for signs that you feel lonely in a May-December romance. Reach out for support. Don't fake interest when there is no longer any in a partner. Make time to think about whether you still want to be in this kind of relationship. Forgive yourself if it doesn't work out and allow yourself some time to reconnect with you before starting another relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
So what do age gap couples end up doing when family and friends make them feel uncomfortable at events? They stay home. They say, "Who cares? We don't need them...We love one another." But deep down inside maybe the young woman really wanted to be with her family and maybe the older gentleman desired to spend time with kinfolk.
We don't often hear about the challenges of dating older or younger because the people who are celebrating their new love interests are still quite blinded by sex and beauty. But when tough times show up, they keep their business to themselves.
There is a loneliness that some couples feel when so many family members don't necessarily like their choice in a partner whether old or young. The feeling of being casted out or not liked because of one's actions is not a good feeling especially when you are use to being the favorite in a family.
Age gap relationships can be difficult and lonely at times depending on who you might have connected to like: the selfish, stubborn, angry, controlling or rude types. The frustrations that might arise because one didn't bother to think too deeply about how a partner might feel about relationship concerns can come spilling out between the pair in unusual ways such as: frequent disputes about meaningless things, silent treatment, pouting, passive aggressive behaviors, etc. The fact is that people tend to be more comfortable around folks who are about the same age or a little younger or older. They share many common interests and at times find other things that are attractive about one another.
Watch out for signs that you feel lonely in a May-December romance. Reach out for support. Don't fake interest when there is no longer any in a partner. Make time to think about whether you still want to be in this kind of relationship. Forgive yourself if it doesn't work out and allow yourself some time to reconnect with you before starting another relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Monday
Love Dating Older, Younger?
Do you enjoy the laughter of a young, beautiful lady in your presence, mature gentleman? Do you appreciate the maturity of a man who is almost old enough to be your dad? Well, there is nothing wrong with that!
You are a wonderful man or woman who knows what he or she wants and even if you don't you are still learning and growing with each dating experience. With that said, enjoy your life! Now we aren't talking about doing something you might regret, compromising one's personal faith for a cheap thrill, or acting like a complete idiot to win favor with someone. But what we are saying is find the space in your mind and the time in your schedule to really get to know someone. Through the journey, you will also learn some interesting things about you.
Dating online robs many people of the joy of being with someone in a way that really makes you see and feel a person inside and out. Instead, what happens for many the online experience becomes nothing more than a game of cat and mouse that never has a proper ending. Even offline one feels jaded that he or she was used in the moment and then on to the next. Feel empty yet? Do you feel a void in your heart? You probably have dated far too many people or met up sexually with energy vampires.
When one warns to "slow down...take it easy...stop rushing...I don't like to be pressured." they are sending a red alert flag that you are moving too fast. They are letting you know that there is something wrong with your wiring. Dating older or younger was never meant to be something that you turn around in 10 minutes and hope for the best.
Remember why you wanted to date older or younger in the first place? So why speed things up? Besides you can't teach an old dog any new tricks and you can't make a young person settle down who doesn't want to.
Look beyond your personal needs and ask yourself again, "Now why do I love dating older or younger..." Upon closer inspection you will find that there is more to why you do it than meets the eye.
Nicholl McGuire
You are a wonderful man or woman who knows what he or she wants and even if you don't you are still learning and growing with each dating experience. With that said, enjoy your life! Now we aren't talking about doing something you might regret, compromising one's personal faith for a cheap thrill, or acting like a complete idiot to win favor with someone. But what we are saying is find the space in your mind and the time in your schedule to really get to know someone. Through the journey, you will also learn some interesting things about you.Dating online robs many people of the joy of being with someone in a way that really makes you see and feel a person inside and out. Instead, what happens for many the online experience becomes nothing more than a game of cat and mouse that never has a proper ending. Even offline one feels jaded that he or she was used in the moment and then on to the next. Feel empty yet? Do you feel a void in your heart? You probably have dated far too many people or met up sexually with energy vampires.
When one warns to "slow down...take it easy...stop rushing...I don't like to be pressured." they are sending a red alert flag that you are moving too fast. They are letting you know that there is something wrong with your wiring. Dating older or younger was never meant to be something that you turn around in 10 minutes and hope for the best.
Remember why you wanted to date older or younger in the first place? So why speed things up? Besides you can't teach an old dog any new tricks and you can't make a young person settle down who doesn't want to.
Look beyond your personal needs and ask yourself again, "Now why do I love dating older or younger..." Upon closer inspection you will find that there is more to why you do it than meets the eye.
Nicholl McGuire
Monday
Seeking an Older, Wiser, Richer Guy -- Good Luck with That!
You might get a guy who is wiser than the last boyfriend, but not richer. You might get richer, but not wise. You might get okay, but not sexy. Or, you might get nothing, but another headache. So what to do? Accept the poor man for who he is!
You see we live in this world where we think that we can have it all. Sure, you might feel like you won everything you ever wanted in a date, but sooner or later something in your life is going to give you a headache--whether it is that hot guy, his mother, his children, his job or all of the above. Then what? You trade the old man in for a new model, huh? If that is your intention, then you learned from the best, old players out there, and I'm not judging. That's what many of the middle-age guys having a mid-life crisis did with their wives, girlfriends, lovers, and others. But you don't have to be that selfish dame or gold-digger. Rather, you can drive that old guy to his grave a happy man simply by being the best you possibly can inside and out!
You aren't perfect, Sweetheart and neither is he. You aren't always going to look so beautiful and that's okay. As long as you have that love-sick chap wrapped around your finger, then who cares, right? His sister might stir up some hate (hell look at her), his mother will caution (her marriage ain't so great), and his friends (male and female) will show a bit of envy and in the end, you will win whether he leaves you or you leave him...you still got a lot of years ahead of you (that is if your maker doesn't call you home sooner). So enjoy your time with that man you might call your "Sugar daddy," he just might be your meant to be or that wise teacher that will direct you to where you need be. But if not, life goes on, now doesn't it? You can make it whether with him or not.
Nicholl McGuire
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
You see we live in this world where we think that we can have it all. Sure, you might feel like you won everything you ever wanted in a date, but sooner or later something in your life is going to give you a headache--whether it is that hot guy, his mother, his children, his job or all of the above. Then what? You trade the old man in for a new model, huh? If that is your intention, then you learned from the best, old players out there, and I'm not judging. That's what many of the middle-age guys having a mid-life crisis did with their wives, girlfriends, lovers, and others. But you don't have to be that selfish dame or gold-digger. Rather, you can drive that old guy to his grave a happy man simply by being the best you possibly can inside and out!
You aren't perfect, Sweetheart and neither is he. You aren't always going to look so beautiful and that's okay. As long as you have that love-sick chap wrapped around your finger, then who cares, right? His sister might stir up some hate (hell look at her), his mother will caution (her marriage ain't so great), and his friends (male and female) will show a bit of envy and in the end, you will win whether he leaves you or you leave him...you still got a lot of years ahead of you (that is if your maker doesn't call you home sooner). So enjoy your time with that man you might call your "Sugar daddy," he just might be your meant to be or that wise teacher that will direct you to where you need be. But if not, life goes on, now doesn't it? You can make it whether with him or not.
Nicholl McGuire
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Sunday
Young Woman: Is He Really the Man of Your Dreams?
He is handsome, special, sweet, mature, kind and unique.
But when all the niceties slowly begin to fade away, what do you think you are able to put up with?
Consider the following list:
Snoring.
Talk too much.
Talk too little.
Lies about money.
Doesn't have much.
Isn't divorced.
Too many exes.
Doesn't want children.
Wants children.
Works too much.
Works too little.
Loves sports.
Loves his car.
Laughs loud.
Doesn't laugh enough.
Not generous.
Unloving.
Arrogant.
Rude.
Insincere faith.
Lives in a bubble.
Dull.
Expects you to work much.
Expects you to work little.
Health issues.
Older children.
Secrets.
Substance addictions.
Sex addictions.
Religious.
Selfish....
What you think you might be getting in an older man, may not be what you had in mind.
Once again, can you tolerate the truth? Do you think you are able to go the distance with him?
Sunday
Older Men, Relationships, and Not Settling
If there is anything that I have learned from dating older men over the years, especially during my twenties, is that most of the time the connections are temporal. They aren't forever and always love affairs.
The men I met had issues. There was the wife, the children, ex-girlfriends, friends with benefits, a criminal past, and more. Several were controlling types and others were cool, too cool and really didn't care too much about anyone or anything. I must admit those that I did end up settling with all had the following common traits: straightforward (didn't beat around the bush about what they wanted), had jobs, dressed well, and enjoyed being entertained by me. Look I wasn't looking for much and that's what they appreciated about me. They didn't have to buy me either--a couple really couldn't afford to spend much, so I didn't expect much.
When the blogs were invented, they were god-sent, because all the information I kept secret, hurt about, wish I could have, should have, I could air out my grievances, the ups, downs, and advice I wished I had at the time when I was dating much.
Older men can make good friends, but what they can't do is be fathers to young women. I must admit that there was something within that I deeply desired from my own dad and sometimes the attention, affection, and spoiling they provided made me feel special. Every little girl has a time in her life that she wants her daddy to just love her for her! Daddies who don't do their part, unfortunately leave little girls out there--ripe for the picking. Some guy, whether older or younger, is going to pick from the tree. He might find a rotten piece of fruit on it too!
A while back, I wrote a non-fiction guide entitled, She's Crazy. It is a book that provides much information about letting go of crazy women. I really hope you take a moment to read and purchase this work. Feel free to share it with a buddy who is going through much.
Dating older guys is not as popular as it seems, there are many young women that avoid mature men. There are pros and cons to dating any man (irregardless of age), and some people have little tolerance for anyone who behaves in ways that go against their personal boundaries too.
Don't give up your moral compass for anyone or anything, stand your ground whenever you can and be certain that whatever they suggest you really want to do it. You can save a lot of time, energy, and preserve your youth if you don't settle for the guy or girl who is only 50% your type.
Shoot for that quality connection, they are out there!
Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy and other books.
The men I met had issues. There was the wife, the children, ex-girlfriends, friends with benefits, a criminal past, and more. Several were controlling types and others were cool, too cool and really didn't care too much about anyone or anything. I must admit those that I did end up settling with all had the following common traits: straightforward (didn't beat around the bush about what they wanted), had jobs, dressed well, and enjoyed being entertained by me. Look I wasn't looking for much and that's what they appreciated about me. They didn't have to buy me either--a couple really couldn't afford to spend much, so I didn't expect much.
When the blogs were invented, they were god-sent, because all the information I kept secret, hurt about, wish I could have, should have, I could air out my grievances, the ups, downs, and advice I wished I had at the time when I was dating much.
Older men can make good friends, but what they can't do is be fathers to young women. I must admit that there was something within that I deeply desired from my own dad and sometimes the attention, affection, and spoiling they provided made me feel special. Every little girl has a time in her life that she wants her daddy to just love her for her! Daddies who don't do their part, unfortunately leave little girls out there--ripe for the picking. Some guy, whether older or younger, is going to pick from the tree. He might find a rotten piece of fruit on it too!
A while back, I wrote a non-fiction guide entitled, She's Crazy. It is a book that provides much information about letting go of crazy women. I really hope you take a moment to read and purchase this work. Feel free to share it with a buddy who is going through much.
Dating older guys is not as popular as it seems, there are many young women that avoid mature men. There are pros and cons to dating any man (irregardless of age), and some people have little tolerance for anyone who behaves in ways that go against their personal boundaries too.
Don't give up your moral compass for anyone or anything, stand your ground whenever you can and be certain that whatever they suggest you really want to do it. You can save a lot of time, energy, and preserve your youth if you don't settle for the guy or girl who is only 50% your type.
Shoot for that quality connection, they are out there!
Nicholl McGuire author of She's Crazy and other books.
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