Moody, Irritable, Argumentative and 50 Plus? Cramping, Bloating and 18 Plus?

In the past, this blog has provided information on Andropause.  This is a health condition that affects males which is caused by a deficiency in testosterone.  Now as much as our society likes to deceive us into thinking we are all younger than we think, the truth be told is that we are all getting older.  As we mature, things like our memory, mood, and body are affected.  We don't remember things as good as we use to.  We become more easily agitated by little things.  Our body weight increases and it becomes more challenging to lose weight especially in one's mid-section.

I am referring mature males who happened to come across this site to the following link below as well as young women who may not understand Andropause.  Hopefully, couples will become more knowledgeable and understanding of this condition.

When searching health websites related to personal issues, I would like readers to check out additional subject matter related to women that might be causing some issues in your relationship as well.  Look up PMS, PMDD and Perimenopause at the site.  Any woman who has a menstrual cycle will be affected.  Mood swings, anger problems, bloating, cramping, lack of sexual drive, etc. are all issues that affect young women too. Some women don't suffer much during their premenstrual cycle while others are affected a great deal.  This condition can also impact your relationship especially if you aren't aware of the symptoms.

So do check out these health conditions it might be a serious wake up call for some of you as to why your past relationships didn't work out.

Nicholl McGuire

Immature + Mature = More Relationship Problems

A dating relationship between older and younger, rich and poor, even handicap and well can work, but immature and mature? Nope.  A mature man dating an immature woman will not last if the immature woman doesn't ever grow up.  The immature older man and the mature younger woman dating relationship won't work either.  Common sense shows that when one is dating anyone incompatible with he or she, it is only a matter of time that if one person doesn't conform to be more compatible, the dating relationship won't work in the long term.  This would explain why some intelligent folks dating the immature might compromise normal behavior for abnormal or why some unintelligent folks might start "acting" more mature.  If you want your relationship to last, you have to make some changes whether they be right or worse, wrong for you.  That's right I said wrong, because some people are more concerned about wanting someone to like them; rather than questioning whether certain behaviors are just wrong.  They are willing to conform to just about anything just to keep that man or woman that they are benefiting from which is so wrong!  If you start doing some things in the relationship that you know aren't right for you, beware, it is only a matter of time that you will grow weary of trying to "fit in" just to stick it out with someone especially if this person is the immature one.

Most people as you know, don't like change.  So the older you are, the least likely you will want to change.  For instance, a silly, immature young woman will see a more serious, older man as boring when she is still interested in going out with her friends and partying.  A silly, immature older man may consider a mature younger woman as an "old soul" and feel like he could have dated someone his own age since this younger woman acting older doesn't represent his idea of what a fountain of youth may look or act like--something he might have been craving.

There are many logical as well as illogical reasons as to why someone would be looking to date someone older or younger, but if you are going to enter into this kind of dating relationship, you have to pick someone that is compatible with you whether you consider yourself to be mature or immature.  Trying to find someone who is on your level of maturity, may be difficult, because sometimes dates will manipulate who they really are at least until you get to know them better. 

You may want to ask what your closest friends think of your level of maturity.  Sometimes we may think one thing, but the world sees someone totally different.  Not being honest with yourself about your level of maturity will make it even more challenging to find someone compatible.  Some people think because they are a certain age they are considered mature, but not so fast!  There are many older men who act immature and many younger women who are surprisingly mature.  When the two meet one another, at first, it seems like they may have a lot in common, but then in time, the two will find that one is really not who he or she claims to be.

What the younger woman may have thought was a mature man seated in front of her, turns out to be a little boy looking for some motherly attention and what the mature man thought was this young, free spirit, is really a full grown woman looking for a man to love and care for her in a future marriage.  If you look beyond the surface when choosing a date and pay close attention to the mannerisms and thoughts being conveyed to you by your date, you will find yourself getting a good look at what the future might hold with this person whether he or she is straightforward with you or not.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate  

You Wanted that Nice, Sexy...Now You Got It!

Oh boy, did you ever...!  "You got that nice piece of $%^?!" one of your boys says as if he doesn't believe it.  You are just smiling from ear-to-ear about that special man or woman in your life.  The world has stopped spinning and all you hear anymore are birds chirping.  You and your younger partner have isolated yourselves. You both have a "me and you against the world" mentality. 

So you thought I was going to say, "But..." right?  Of course, there is a "but."  But, it's for your own good, boss, dad, college student, retiree or divorced.  You know these titles will make or break this kind of relationship if you or she isn't comfortable with them.

Where do you go from here, mature man?  One of you or both should be asking this question, because anyone who has ever been in a relationship always comes to this point.  So it might as well be you who is reading this.  How will being in a relationship with your younger partner benefit you in both the short and long-terms?  Or, is there really any long-term?  You have heard the experiences of people in these kind of dating older/dating younger relationships.  Are you conducting yourself in that "full speed ahead until we crash into a wall" fashion in this relationship?

What about your career and/or educational goals?  Is there room in this relationship for that?  What about a possible pregnancy?  Do you really think aborting would be the best option or keeping the child?  How will your partner fit in with your family?  Do you make enough money if you are retired to help your younger partner?

Love blinds us.  Reality awakes us.  We can use every cliche in the book to make us feel at ease with what we are doing in our personal lives, but seriously mature man, we (both men and women of all ages) all need a voice of reason just in case that special someone breaks our heart.

Sure, your taking it slow, but then again maybe not if you already had sex with her.  Sure, you will come to that bridge when you get there.  You may already be there if she has been sharing her feelings about you.  Don't wait.  Talk about the things that matter when it comes to your intimate relationship with your younger woman and those who care about her.  She (and they--you know her family) just might still respect you in the morning.

Nicholl McGuire
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Too Old, Too Young? Think Before You Act

If you have dated someone younger or older, you most likely have heard someone say, "He is too old...She is too young..."  As much as we would like to debate about "the age thing," the truth is if someone tells you the truth, you ought to listen.  Who doesn't want someone to love, who has nice things, and enjoys activities that others our own age doesn't?  But when you compare apples to oranges, there are many others out here in the world that you most likely will have more in common with your own age or near your own age.  You have to see more in a relationship with an older or younger person besides, "We both like playing video games...we both enjoy walks in the park...we both love puppies!"  On the outside looking in, these reasons are cute, but they don't represent reality.

There are many older men with young boy personalities living in their bodies like there are many younger women with older women personalities living in their bodies.  It seems like a great combination, that is until the two start living together.  You never know on what day the old soul will come out or the playful boy will show up which can cause many problems in one's  relationship.  There isn't really anything you can do about a person with alters like these.

Know who you are dating.  The older man became the playful boy, because something triggered such a personality in his old age.  The younger woman became the old soul because something also happened in her lifetime to make her that way.  A mature man liked what he no longer is (young) when he looked at the younger woman, but was drawn to the old woman inside of her.  The younger woman liked what she didn't have (a mature figure in her life) when she looked at the older man, but was drawn to the young man on the inside of him.

Sure, you can converse about your different personalities, complain, sigh or moan to that relative or friend, but none of your issues with that person will make his or her alters go away--nothing!  You either deal with them or you don't.  Relationships like these can get rather complicated, so despite being in a relationship like this myself, you won't always find me encouraging others to jump on board especially if I know they have some serious personality or unresolved childhood issues.

Of course, there are those relationships that go the distance, but oftentimes you find out that many of these kind of relationships are dead-ends.  They start out with a purpose, but then in time someone or something creates a major shift in the relationship.  It is then that "the pretty young thing" or "old man" becomes yesterday's old news.  You might even hear one day, "What happened to your girlfriend?  What was wrong with him?  I told you it wouldn't last."

Nicholl McGuire

He's Old Enough to Be Her Dad

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Some of us grew up during a time where dating a man, notice I didn't say boy, while you were still in high school was nothing out of the ordinary.  The girl knew that the man was quite possibly old enough to be her father and the man knew he was robbing the cradle.  It didn't help that the music and movies perpetuated this awkward and downright illegal relationship.  There were rappers singing about older men and girls dating one another. The girls were "loving" these men, lying about their ages, sneaking out of their parent's homes to meet older men, etc.  Although people knew this sort of behavior was wrong, they still encouraged it by bobbing their heads to the drum beats and making jokes about those celebrities who participated in pedophilia.  A man dating a girl or even a young woman 20 plus years younger is no laughing matter.

In many communities around our country, there is some young naïve or "fast tailed" girl or woman who has serious childhood issues that she doesn't recognize or can handle.  So when an older man comes along with his false promises of caring for her, she goes along with whatever he says just to get along.  To her, romance is nothing more than a movie complete with sex and dinner.  In her mind, she has never been treated like a lady by her younger boyfriends.  The older man holds her hand, brings her flowers, writes her love notes, takes her out to the mall, and buys her the things she wants, and much, much more which is usually taught in the bedroom.  Meanwhile, those boys or young men around her can't fathom what she sees in a wrinkled, grey haired, overweight older man who walks slow and talks slower.

There are so many young women who have so much potential to be something great without the need for a father figure, but that is exactly what her subconscious mind tells her when she looks at the older man.  "He will take care of you...he will buy you nice things...you don't have to worry about him playing head games...he loves you..."  But many older men do just that, play mind games.  They know how to take a younger woman and mold and shape her into what he desires (at least for a time--that is until she acts up--then on to the next one.)

Feel free to share the information on this site with those younger women you may know who are currently dating all sorts of men.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

Independent Woman: A Blessing & A Curse

Oh, how could it be that an independent woman could be both a blessing and a curse!?  Well nowadays this is just what she is.  You see, to an older man who grew up during a time when many women depended on a man to be both the breadwinner as well as drive the family from point a to point b, he is use to seeing men be the head in the family.  So he may think that he should take care that his partner is never without money and/or his service.  However, independent women of our present day actually frown on relationships like that.  They wonder what is wrong with a woman who relies on a man to drive her around or requests money from a man.  "She can do those things herself!"  They cry.  Sure, but if the partnership is working, who are we to judge? 

When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man.  However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse.  The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home.  Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too!  Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships!  Too many leaders anywhere can create problems. 

Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it.  There are both young and older men who take notice too!  Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead.  I could use her to help me get where I want to be."  This is where being independent can also be a curse.  A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted. 

Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another.  If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that.  If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.

Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.

There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women.  They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement.  An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women!  He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think.  Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all.  She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!

Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman.  As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks. 

Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work!   Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!"  An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit.  The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?" 

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Remember a young woman and an older man come from two different mindsets, possibly cultures, ethnicities, and the like.  Neither should expect to dance by the beat of each other's drum without giving up something.  The problem is an older man who is set in his ways isn't about to listen to someone younger and possibly inexperienced unless he sees some benefit.  A younger woman most likely had problems listening to her father or some other older male relative growing up, so the last thing she wants is another father figure. 

Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.

In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or naïve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older.  But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant.  Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.

Nicholl McGuire

Love or Sex? Young Woman You Ought to Find Out What He Wants

Give it a little time, you know this dating relationship some of you young ladies might be in as I type.  He wants something from you, most likely if you ask your older man, "Do you want love or sex from me?" He will answer, "Both."  Nice response, but this isn't all you should be accepting.  Watch as well as listen.

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There are older men who have everything planned out in terms of what kind of relationship they want, what they are willing to put forth, and what they will not settle for.  If he has been there and done that with marriage more than once, then he might not be interested in a serious relationship at this time.  If he is still wondering whether or not you are the one, he may not even love you, much less, like you.

You won't know what is really going on inside that man's head if you are not asking questions and observing his actions.  Is what he is saying, matching his actions?  Most older men know what to expect when it comes to dating and marriage, because they have years of experience.  They have been the player and been played.  They have watched their father, uncles, and others in their families play women.  So an older man, unless he has a mental handicap, has a plan of action when it comes to loving and sexing a woman.  He isn't interested in what she has to say if she isn't establishing boundaries from the minute he has laid eyes on her.

Men are attentive to women who not only look good, but have something between their ears (notice I didn't refer to that other thing--lol,) called a brain.  So some men like what is between one's legs as well, but is that going to keep the relationship going when he runs into some challenging times in his life?  What are you offering besides a pretty smile and a butt?

If you want love, Young Woman, then let it find and dine you.  If you desire a real companion, then put the breaks on all the romantic settings, and just allow you two to learn more about one another without the fluff like pretty hair, painted nails, a nice dress and a great restaurant.

Who is that man that calls you on the phone, really?  What is really going on between the lines of text and email that he sends you?  Does he really love you for always or does he just want to sex you today?

Nicholl McGuire

Don't Believe the Hype: Not All Young Women Can Be "Trained"

I couldn't believe my ears, some years ago, I was told by someone, who had been around the block or two one too many times in life, that the reason why he specifically dated young women and others like him was because they were "trainable."  Like dogs, he believed that he could get a woman to act in a way he wanted.  Little did I know that later in life I would run into my share of men who thought that I was one of those "trainable" types.  They quickly got a rude awakening!

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It is so sad that there are men in this world who have been given such relationship advice when it comes to dating younger women.  They believe that if they can get young women (or any woman) to "go along just to get along" the relationship will work out in their favor.  Keep in mind the plan doesn't include having to give up anything that makes him a little bit uncomfortable or inconvenienced for a short or  long period of time. Maybe the older man is a father of small children and needs someone to babysit them so that he can have some personal time since the mother is no longer around, women his own age may not be interested in the role, but a young woman just might.  Although he may tell the younger woman, "I don't need you to raise my children, I just need a companion," if she is wise, she knows better.  How are you going to be in a serious relationship with any man who frequently has his children around him and you have zero influence on them unless you never interact with them?  The intention of the man is not to keep his new woman out of the loop, if anything, he is looking for a help mate or dare I say it, for the player type, someone he can take advantage of!

Now some women, whether young or old, fall for the niceties that mask one's true intent; however, others know better.  The manipulative older man is not going to get a young, wise woman to go along with anything without her questioning everything!  This is one of the main reason why some stubborn, settled older men will never get along with the independent, career minded younger women of today.  She isn't going to accept a simple yes or no answer from an older man when the question asked requires a full explanation.  She is going to be curious about public affiliations as well as private interests.  The wise, young woman has a "head on her shoulders" which makes her not trainable.  The manipulative older man should save some time and energy-- just move on!

Like young women who don't have much in life to start, the older man doesn't have much life left, so he is going to make the most of it!  "What can this young woman do for me?" He thinks.  "How can I get her to see things my way?"  The older man doesn't think he needs to do much compromising with the immature and youthful, because in his mind, he feels he has already paid many dues in life and besides he has been there and done that.

The older man has experienced long term relationships in the past, he knows what he has to give up.  He has heard the complaints and concerns from his previous sexual conquests.  So with a young woman (also known as a fresh piece of meat in the eyes of some lustful men,) he believes he can convince her that he isn't that person he used to be.  For some men, they do change, but not without sacrifice.  Some have lost finances, partners, children, homes and more to be that nice, humbled guy standing before you.  However, others will never change no matter what happens to them, if anything, things just might get worse for them and those who they choose to partner up with!  Would you want to be that young woman who comes into his life unsuspecting that he has a plan to train you, so that he can benefit in the short or long term?

Sometimes we have to put ourselves in other people's shoes when we come up with plans to try to make people do what we want.  That young woman is someone's daughter and that older man is oftentimes someone's father or even grandfather.  How would you feel if you were either or and along comes someone with a hidden agenda in your life?

Nicholl McGuire
Author of She's Crazy 

One of the Worst Mistakes a Young Woman Makes When Dating Older Men

I was thinking about one of the worst mistakes I made as well as other young women that I have known over the years who have dated someone older. The worst mistake we made was trust that everything an older, married man tells you is truth.

Gullible young women who want to be loved fall for the old, "I don't love my wife" trick.  They assume that the relationship between the older man and his ex is emotionally and physically over after 10 plus years and that somehow the once loyal, married older man is now in love with the younger woman.  Not so fast!  Even if he isn't sleeping with that older woman that he has left behind, doesn't mean that his heart is over her.

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Young women want older men who can love them the way they want to be loved.  These women have had bad experiences with young, immature men.  What a breath of fresh air when the young woman finds an older man who sincerely loves her even if he is still married!  However, beware that there are some married men who just need a temporary distraction, something that will make them forget about their future ex who just so happens to be the mother of their children, a business partner, or an on again off again lover.

Young women, don't allow yourselves to be caught in a married man's lies!  "I don't love her...we never have sex...I wasn't sleeping with her...I don't visit her...we don't talk on the phone...I'm going to divorce her and marry you...I love you...we have so much in common..."

The deceptive, older man manipulates his words to get you to perform in ways that he wants.  If he desires to date you and wants you to date him exclusively, then he will make himself more available to you and he might give you some money and gifts to keep you interested.  If he wants sex from you, then he will test you to see how much work he might have to put in to get you to go to bed with him.  Meanwhile, his heart may be reserved for that woman he left who helped him raise children, build a business, invest in property, and more.  You might recall the deceptive, older man say something to you like, "I broke up with the ex because we no longer got along, she was boring...didn't appreciate me...always argued...cheated."  Sure, and he never did anything wrong always said, "please and thank you."  Don't fall for it!

One day that older man is going to realize that he would have been better off with the wife of his youth; rather than try to get a new one to preserve his youth and that's when hearts will be broken.  Don't be gullible!  Young women, watch more and talk less when dealing with an older man and never trust everything he says as truth until proven otherwise.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Trying to Fit In to the Point of Deceiving Your Date?

"Be yourself!"  You heard this phrase from people who give you advice on how to act around certain individuals and groups.  However, for the older man and younger woman dating one another, it can be easier said than done.

I have been the one who was trying to act older at one point to impress a man back in my early twenties, but I was also on the receiving end when an older man was trying to act younger than what he was.  Both of us were nothing more than deceiving one another, at least for awhile; however eventually, we were found out!  He says, "I enjoy traveling..." but he doesn't go anywhere on his off time.  She says, "I love going to jazz concerts..." and she has only been to one in her life-time.  Do you see the false fronts?

Someone is going to have a bad day while finding out the truth and that is when the cover is blown!  A younger woman finds out the truth about the older man, so, "You really don't do much at all!?"  The older man finds out the truth about the younger woman, "You aren't as active as I thought!  Heck, you barely have sex!?"  Neither is who they claim to be!  He may have initially thought, "She acts quite mature for her age..."  On the other hand, she thinks, "He is quite fun and youthful!"  After spending a little time with one another, they quickly learn there are problems and lots of them.  "You are just a daddy's girl looking for a sugar daddy, huh!?"  He yells.  "Well, what about you?  You just want a daughter to care for you in your old age!"

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What both the older man and younger woman must remember is trying to fit in with one another by talking or acting a certain way will not win one another over for long.  Unless you are a skilled actor or actress who can keep your role up all day and everyday, it is only a matter of time that you will slip up.

The old statement, "Be yourself," means just that!  Don't act any different than you do on a daily basis.  State what you like to do, but inform your date what you are presently doing with your life.  If you are embarrassed about a mediocre life, then start doing something to make it more interesting, but be genuine.  If you know that you tend to act quite immature, work on your short-comings.  Please note younger women, some personal issues will only go away with time and experience and an older man must be patient with you.

As much as we want to belong to someone that fits us like a hand in a glove, we must remember that no such person exists.  They may come close, but like hats and gloves, one size doesn't fit all.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues