Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Painful Sex, Bruises, Blood - What Some will Do fo...: Whether an abusive lover is too big, too small, or just right but rough privately (if you know what I mean), some victims in emotionally an...
Wednesday
Married, Children and Work - When the Mature Man Just Wants Fun
I didn't know at 20 years old when the older gentleman approached me that he had a wife, children, and other responsibilities until I walked into his office and noticed the photo behind him. We weren't at his workplace to talk business, we were planning a date. I had no conscious, compassion or anything about marriage, children or anything related, because I just thought, "He's cute for an older guy."
You would have thought that at the moment I saw the photograph I would have backed off, politely excused myself and moved on, but I didn't. He noticed I was checking out the family photo, so he took it off the shelf and talked about what appeared to be a happy group. Since he had been out of state for months, he missed them, but he also wanted to have a good time.
I didn't give the man any sex, despite his alluding to it, but what I did give him was laughter. The smile that came on his face as we strolled a park was priceless! The 40 plus year old was enjoying the company of a 20 year old and neither one of us even bothered to talk about age.
Of course, my conscious began to catch up with me a few days later. I started to think, "What if I was his wife in that photo? And he has children...What if my dad was like that?" Cold chills came over me. The gentleman called me again requesting I hang out with him, but I politely declined.
Fast forward to present day, over 20 years later I now have a family of my own and I recognize that sometimes life can get quite boring. I realized that there are men and women who just get tired of partners, children, and work--I have been there. But we have choices and there are consequences to every decision we make.
I have observed and listened to men who just felt trapped in marriages, jobs and more. Their loveless relationships produced children that they really didn't want. They worked jobs they hated. Their spouses were giving them a hard time about looking externally for happiness. But sometimes you ask yourself, "When is it my turn to live a little?" I personally think there is nothing wrong with wanting to do some things you always wanted to do with your life within reason. Does it have to be about flings, fast cars and other typical things that midlife men in crisis desire?
I think there is far too much programming out there to subliminally lure married men as well as the committed retired to do the unthinkable because there is a lot of money to gain from this group who have spent decades saving money and want any excuse to dip in their investments. Sports cars are pricey, juggling more than one woman will result in increase revenue for entertainment spots, travel, and also a trip to divorce court, and more.
Women who enable the men who want some "fun" will also pay sooner or later mentally, spiritually and physically (because hot looks do go away especially when there's lots of relationship stress and yes, I was cheated on in the past). The married man tired of his current family may end up with yet another family that makes him even more miserable.
Being idle, creating fantasies in one's mind, and flirting with trouble will cause problems for all parties in one's quest to have a little fun. Consider doing some productive things that will keep you out of trouble while appeasing the need within to live a little.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
You would have thought that at the moment I saw the photograph I would have backed off, politely excused myself and moved on, but I didn't. He noticed I was checking out the family photo, so he took it off the shelf and talked about what appeared to be a happy group. Since he had been out of state for months, he missed them, but he also wanted to have a good time.
I didn't give the man any sex, despite his alluding to it, but what I did give him was laughter. The smile that came on his face as we strolled a park was priceless! The 40 plus year old was enjoying the company of a 20 year old and neither one of us even bothered to talk about age.
Of course, my conscious began to catch up with me a few days later. I started to think, "What if I was his wife in that photo? And he has children...What if my dad was like that?" Cold chills came over me. The gentleman called me again requesting I hang out with him, but I politely declined.
Fast forward to present day, over 20 years later I now have a family of my own and I recognize that sometimes life can get quite boring. I realized that there are men and women who just get tired of partners, children, and work--I have been there. But we have choices and there are consequences to every decision we make.
I have observed and listened to men who just felt trapped in marriages, jobs and more. Their loveless relationships produced children that they really didn't want. They worked jobs they hated. Their spouses were giving them a hard time about looking externally for happiness. But sometimes you ask yourself, "When is it my turn to live a little?" I personally think there is nothing wrong with wanting to do some things you always wanted to do with your life within reason. Does it have to be about flings, fast cars and other typical things that midlife men in crisis desire?
I think there is far too much programming out there to subliminally lure married men as well as the committed retired to do the unthinkable because there is a lot of money to gain from this group who have spent decades saving money and want any excuse to dip in their investments. Sports cars are pricey, juggling more than one woman will result in increase revenue for entertainment spots, travel, and also a trip to divorce court, and more.
Women who enable the men who want some "fun" will also pay sooner or later mentally, spiritually and physically (because hot looks do go away especially when there's lots of relationship stress and yes, I was cheated on in the past). The married man tired of his current family may end up with yet another family that makes him even more miserable.
Being idle, creating fantasies in one's mind, and flirting with trouble will cause problems for all parties in one's quest to have a little fun. Consider doing some productive things that will keep you out of trouble while appeasing the need within to live a little.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Tuesday
It Isn't Always Business as Usual: Some Older Men are Kinky
He might look kind, sweet, youthful and harmless, but some mature gentlemen enjoy doing some things that cause discomfort, pain, and nightmares. If you go along, just to get along Young Lady, you just mind find yourself needing therapy one day.
Let's face it some women are ill-equipped to handle some unique, interesting, painful and downright strange experiences sexual and otherwise and to expose them to such things might mentally break them down to the point that they are useless even to themselves. Drugs, alcohol, and other things are used to lower one's inhibitions in many weird situations, but just how low does an individual want to go? What might be the consequences if a young lady reaches a point of no return? Will one be ready to face those issues and still sleep at night?
There are some aspects about dating that are just unexpected and if a young woman is in the dark about some things she will be frightened and possibly will get law enforcement and others involved. This is why one needs to know a person well and if she is interested in doing some wild things then that is her choice, but she should never be talked or forced into doing things she just doesn't want to do.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Let's face it some women are ill-equipped to handle some unique, interesting, painful and downright strange experiences sexual and otherwise and to expose them to such things might mentally break them down to the point that they are useless even to themselves. Drugs, alcohol, and other things are used to lower one's inhibitions in many weird situations, but just how low does an individual want to go? What might be the consequences if a young lady reaches a point of no return? Will one be ready to face those issues and still sleep at night?
There are some aspects about dating that are just unexpected and if a young woman is in the dark about some things she will be frightened and possibly will get law enforcement and others involved. This is why one needs to know a person well and if she is interested in doing some wild things then that is her choice, but she should never be talked or forced into doing things she just doesn't want to do.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Isolation: When the Older Man Doesn't Want His Young Woman Around Anyone But Him
He's out there, that nice guy who says in such a nice voice, "You are so pretty, I just want you all to myself." This mature man knows exactly what he is doing when he subtly or quite boldly tells a young woman what he expects from her. "I really enjoy your company, come around more often. Whatever you need I can supply those things for you..." Now if she isn't discerning, she will just laugh and dismiss what he says as unimportant. The young lady assumes that her life is still her own--independent and free even with her gentleman suitor. Little does she know, she will soon be entering a world where she will be repeatedly asked to shut off her phone off, stay with him, move away with him, etc. Family, friends, co-workers and others are just not welcome. Gradually the older man's critical voice will rise up and object to anyone or anything that interferes with his attempt at building an isolated world where it's just two and no more.
As she draws near to the man who "means the world to me," it will become increasingly difficult to reach the young woman, because his mind control will begin to take root. Her voice mail will pick up, but she won't. E-mails from acquaintances will go unopened. She will become a stranger to friends. Her family will begin to worry. Meanwhile, the older, controlling man will have her right where he wants her with him and only him.
Isolation is a form of abuse. Many mature, abusive men are either unaware of what they are doing, don't care or do care and systematically isolate their victims. Persuading or forcing someone to stay in a room, a home, a car, etc. knowing full well she wants to see people and do things apart from you is deceptive, controlling and evil.
Maybe the young female doesn't want to be bothered with her family and if that is the case, then her older gentleman friend might want to encourage her to at least write or call them just to let them know that everything is alright sometimes. But some men are content with their partners staying away from relatives, co-workers, friends, and even children, because this means they will remain loyal to them.
If the young woman should rebel against her older mate's wishes and decide that she is going to see her loved ones, talk to male friends, shop alone, work late hours, or anything else that she wants to do, then there is a psychological hell he will put her through whether in gentle ways using sweet words and affection or harsh ones using threats and fists. If loved ones should come around, these jealousy men will ignore partners and them, fight, or do things to make all parties feel unwelcome when visiting the couple's residence. He doesn't want them showing up and he doesn't mind acting rude, critical and bitter around them either. These controlling men might make their partners feel guilty when they want to go some where without them or if they should decline seeing their relatives.
A young woman who knows her partner is isolating her is going to act fearful when he does things that keep her close to him. She isn't going to tell others what is happening, because she doesn't want to look bad or make others think negatively about a man she has bragged about or defended. She also feels ashamed and angered about the way her mate acts when her loved ones are around. So the young woman will distance herself from family and friends, put a limit on outside activities, or don't do much at all just so that she doesn't have to deal with her mean-spirited partner's bad-mouthing and tantrums as a result of her wanting to see loved ones, go places, etc.
You may be a victim, an abuser or know of someone in a relationship where isolation is ongoing. Take a look at what is happening, bring attention to the problem and seek solutions. It is not "okay, normal" or a loving thing to say and do things to keep a person isolated, nor should one abandon a friend who you know is in an abusive relationship. Much of this isolation behavior derives from jealousy, insecurities, childhood issues, and being a victim possibly of abuse yourself. Don't enable dysfunction, speak up, establish boundaries and if necessary end the relationship.
1. Tells you what to do with your money or tells you not to work, so you will not be out and about.
2. Causes friction between you and others due to negative words he says about them i.e.) He lies.
3. Creates a list of things you are expected to do when interacting with others i.e.) "You only go places with me. You are not permitted to talk to the opposite sex when I'm not around whether on or off the Internet..."
4. Doesn't want people visiting the residence--makes all sorts of excuses.
5. Doesn't want to visit your relatives and friends and would rather you don't go either.
6. Suddenly comes up with "plans" to keep you from going places.
7. Tells you some things like, "It's just me and you, we don't need anyone...We can stay at home, we don't need to go anywhere...All we need is each other...We can be all alone on an island--just you and I, Baby."
8. Calls and checks up on you often and may even joke about you, "Staying put. I hope you aren't going anywhere, you stay in your place, Woman."
9. Complains, vents, yells, threatens or does things to keep you from leaving the home.
10. Offers to do many things so that you are never in an atmosphere where you could possibly meet and talk to other men i.e.) shops for you, runs errands, fixes things, offers to go places with you, etc.
As she draws near to the man who "means the world to me," it will become increasingly difficult to reach the young woman, because his mind control will begin to take root. Her voice mail will pick up, but she won't. E-mails from acquaintances will go unopened. She will become a stranger to friends. Her family will begin to worry. Meanwhile, the older, controlling man will have her right where he wants her with him and only him.
Isolation is a form of abuse. Many mature, abusive men are either unaware of what they are doing, don't care or do care and systematically isolate their victims. Persuading or forcing someone to stay in a room, a home, a car, etc. knowing full well she wants to see people and do things apart from you is deceptive, controlling and evil.
Maybe the young female doesn't want to be bothered with her family and if that is the case, then her older gentleman friend might want to encourage her to at least write or call them just to let them know that everything is alright sometimes. But some men are content with their partners staying away from relatives, co-workers, friends, and even children, because this means they will remain loyal to them.
If the young woman should rebel against her older mate's wishes and decide that she is going to see her loved ones, talk to male friends, shop alone, work late hours, or anything else that she wants to do, then there is a psychological hell he will put her through whether in gentle ways using sweet words and affection or harsh ones using threats and fists. If loved ones should come around, these jealousy men will ignore partners and them, fight, or do things to make all parties feel unwelcome when visiting the couple's residence. He doesn't want them showing up and he doesn't mind acting rude, critical and bitter around them either. These controlling men might make their partners feel guilty when they want to go some where without them or if they should decline seeing their relatives.
A young woman who knows her partner is isolating her is going to act fearful when he does things that keep her close to him. She isn't going to tell others what is happening, because she doesn't want to look bad or make others think negatively about a man she has bragged about or defended. She also feels ashamed and angered about the way her mate acts when her loved ones are around. So the young woman will distance herself from family and friends, put a limit on outside activities, or don't do much at all just so that she doesn't have to deal with her mean-spirited partner's bad-mouthing and tantrums as a result of her wanting to see loved ones, go places, etc.
You may be a victim, an abuser or know of someone in a relationship where isolation is ongoing. Take a look at what is happening, bring attention to the problem and seek solutions. It is not "okay, normal" or a loving thing to say and do things to keep a person isolated, nor should one abandon a friend who you know is in an abusive relationship. Much of this isolation behavior derives from jealousy, insecurities, childhood issues, and being a victim possibly of abuse yourself. Don't enable dysfunction, speak up, establish boundaries and if necessary end the relationship.
Isolation Tactics an Abuser will Use
1. Tells you what to do with your money or tells you not to work, so you will not be out and about.
2. Causes friction between you and others due to negative words he says about them i.e.) He lies.
3. Creates a list of things you are expected to do when interacting with others i.e.) "You only go places with me. You are not permitted to talk to the opposite sex when I'm not around whether on or off the Internet..."
4. Doesn't want people visiting the residence--makes all sorts of excuses.
5. Doesn't want to visit your relatives and friends and would rather you don't go either.
6. Suddenly comes up with "plans" to keep you from going places.
7. Tells you some things like, "It's just me and you, we don't need anyone...We can stay at home, we don't need to go anywhere...All we need is each other...We can be all alone on an island--just you and I, Baby."
8. Calls and checks up on you often and may even joke about you, "Staying put. I hope you aren't going anywhere, you stay in your place, Woman."
9. Complains, vents, yells, threatens or does things to keep you from leaving the home.
10. Offers to do many things so that you are never in an atmosphere where you could possibly meet and talk to other men i.e.) shops for you, runs errands, fixes things, offers to go places with you, etc.
Tuesday
Her Immaturity Wearing Off on You?
You didn't anticipate that the young woman's youthful spirit, energetic demeanor, and other interesting things about her would rub off on you. But there are those immature sayings, silly expressions, and other annoying things that just don't compliment her well. In addition, you catch yourself acting like her.
When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc. Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc. Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
Saturday
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Controlling People Don't Think They Smell, Unattra...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Controlling People Don't Think They Smell, Unattra...: Spend enough time with someone who enjoys telling others what to do and how to do it, and you will soon find that the individual isn't ...
Wednesday
Unattractive But Beautiful...His Words That Is
Oh the seductive sound of a male voice telling you how sweet, sexy and sophisticated you are, young woman! It makes you feel good, doesn't it? You love when he tells you how much he enjoys your company, how beautiful you are, how smart...you can't help but be in love with the sound of his inspirational words. But you have a secret and your girlfriends know what it is, your mom might know, and your dad doesn't want to think about it. The well-kept secret was your date is just not your type. He is unattractive.
Now that your secret is out, what are you going to do about it? I mean he sounds so charming. He says things that no other man has ever told you. He makes you feel like you are on top of the world. You just never heard such wonderful things come out of one's mouth. Oh, but...we know he's ugly.
This is why you just don't settle young ladies for any man no matter how sweet, adorable or kind he is--you just don't! You don't make unattractive men think that you are into them, when you know you are not. You are basically living a lie! Sure those words these unattractive, older gentlemen say are beautiful, but when you walk with these men in public, who most women wouldn't even think of giving their time much less a second glance, you got to feel confident. You can't be concerned about what people think of you, a gorgeous 10, with the fat old guy. Instead, you have to motivate yourself to want to be with him despite his imperfections. You have to remind yourself you have flaws too. You tell yourself things like, "It's what's on the inside that matters...I will just have to overlook those things on his face I don't like. His crooked teeth...big ears. The fact he doesn't workout. I have to remember he is older and one day I will be older..." That's a lot of self-talk in order to maintain a relationship with someone you don't find attractive isn't it?
Save yourself all the mind manipulation and face the facts, you wouldn't give this man the time of day if it wasn't for those sweet things he says to you and his material wealth just might be an added benefit, right? So if the sales pitch you give yourself becomes a burden and you just can't keep making yourself go out with him, use some beautiful words of your own and start making a slow departure. It's for the best if looks are that important to you. Besides think of your future offspring (sigh). God bless 'em!
Nicholl McGuire
Now that your secret is out, what are you going to do about it? I mean he sounds so charming. He says things that no other man has ever told you. He makes you feel like you are on top of the world. You just never heard such wonderful things come out of one's mouth. Oh, but...we know he's ugly.
This is why you just don't settle young ladies for any man no matter how sweet, adorable or kind he is--you just don't! You don't make unattractive men think that you are into them, when you know you are not. You are basically living a lie! Sure those words these unattractive, older gentlemen say are beautiful, but when you walk with these men in public, who most women wouldn't even think of giving their time much less a second glance, you got to feel confident. You can't be concerned about what people think of you, a gorgeous 10, with the fat old guy. Instead, you have to motivate yourself to want to be with him despite his imperfections. You have to remind yourself you have flaws too. You tell yourself things like, "It's what's on the inside that matters...I will just have to overlook those things on his face I don't like. His crooked teeth...big ears. The fact he doesn't workout. I have to remember he is older and one day I will be older..." That's a lot of self-talk in order to maintain a relationship with someone you don't find attractive isn't it?
Save yourself all the mind manipulation and face the facts, you wouldn't give this man the time of day if it wasn't for those sweet things he says to you and his material wealth just might be an added benefit, right? So if the sales pitch you give yourself becomes a burden and you just can't keep making yourself go out with him, use some beautiful words of your own and start making a slow departure. It's for the best if looks are that important to you. Besides think of your future offspring (sigh). God bless 'em!
Nicholl McGuire
Sunday
Daddy Issues - Dating Older Men
As much as some of us women would like to avoid a certain topic about dating older men and the connection to our fatherless issues, it is a known fact. Is there a void that we experience when fathers don't act like they care or want to come around us daughters? Yes. Do we feel like we can fill our voids with some attention from older partners? At times.
When I look back at my dating experiences with older men, I have to shake my head. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't someone tell me that I was trying to keep myself from having to think about what was really hurting me on the inside? It was an absent emotional bond with Dad. He was often too tired to talk, too busy to visit, too angry to be good company, too this or too that!
I took my frustration out on others. I became angry, had moments in the past where I drank too much, shook my behind in the club (clothes on--thank God), made stupid decisions, etc. I argued with my older dates about things they couldn't do for me; at times I hated them for not knowing how I felt. Some days I wished to be with men my own age while I tried to bottle up my tears and act mature, happy...what was going on back then? A need to want to feel accepted by Dad I suppose. I wanted to hear that I was okay, appreciated, wasn't ugly, and was going places in life without a "...but you need to...you better..."coming from Dad.
You see, some of you dads might be wanting that connection to your daughters, but you just aren't getting it because you have no clue what to do and some of you daughters might want the same. Dad might have thought he did his part when his daughter was younger, but can I tell you, it doesn't stop! Communication is key to having quality relationships. A runaway daughter sees her runaway mid-life father pre-occupied with someone, possibly younger than her, who makes him temporarily feel good. Instead of working to heal a broken bond with his kin, he ignores her and vice versa. The daughter might be grown, but she wants to know that Daddy loves her. However, we have to face the truth that some men are incapable of love. They aren't interested in loving anyone. They are self-absorbed and see people as servants. They use and abuse. These toxic dads we have to grieve and let them go.
So if there is one thing I wanted to leave some of you readers with, is if you have a bond with a daughter maintain it and if you are a daughter stay cool with dad if you can. Fathers can establish a healthy bond with their daughters by making a phone call sometimes, sending a card in the mail or flowers, or share a message via a loved one (if she isn't speaking to you) "Dad cares."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of the upcoming book, Say Goodbye to Dad.
When I look back at my dating experiences with older men, I have to shake my head. Why didn't I see the signs? Why didn't someone tell me that I was trying to keep myself from having to think about what was really hurting me on the inside? It was an absent emotional bond with Dad. He was often too tired to talk, too busy to visit, too angry to be good company, too this or too that!
I took my frustration out on others. I became angry, had moments in the past where I drank too much, shook my behind in the club (clothes on--thank God), made stupid decisions, etc. I argued with my older dates about things they couldn't do for me; at times I hated them for not knowing how I felt. Some days I wished to be with men my own age while I tried to bottle up my tears and act mature, happy...what was going on back then? A need to want to feel accepted by Dad I suppose. I wanted to hear that I was okay, appreciated, wasn't ugly, and was going places in life without a "...but you need to...you better..."coming from Dad.
You see, some of you dads might be wanting that connection to your daughters, but you just aren't getting it because you have no clue what to do and some of you daughters might want the same. Dad might have thought he did his part when his daughter was younger, but can I tell you, it doesn't stop! Communication is key to having quality relationships. A runaway daughter sees her runaway mid-life father pre-occupied with someone, possibly younger than her, who makes him temporarily feel good. Instead of working to heal a broken bond with his kin, he ignores her and vice versa. The daughter might be grown, but she wants to know that Daddy loves her. However, we have to face the truth that some men are incapable of love. They aren't interested in loving anyone. They are self-absorbed and see people as servants. They use and abuse. These toxic dads we have to grieve and let them go.
So if there is one thing I wanted to leave some of you readers with, is if you have a bond with a daughter maintain it and if you are a daughter stay cool with dad if you can. Fathers can establish a healthy bond with their daughters by making a phone call sometimes, sending a card in the mail or flowers, or share a message via a loved one (if she isn't speaking to you) "Dad cares."
Nicholl McGuire is the author of the upcoming book, Say Goodbye to Dad.
Saturday
Thursday
Saturday
Declare Today is the Day that You are Free from Controlling Dates
Jealous, angry, bitter, resentful...you know how some controlling singles can be, so why deal with them when you don't have to? Today is your day to be free from any man or woman who wants to make you feel bad about wanting to be selfish every now and again. Do we have to be together all the time for every event? Do we have to call or text whenever we change our location? Do I have to stay away from my friends to be with you? Are you serious?
Wake up! You are being controlled. Live your life!
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Wake up! You are being controlled. Live your life!
Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Wednesday
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. When Some Troubled Coupl...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. When Some Troubled Coupl...: You don't suspect anything when you pass some couples on the street, stand behind them in lines, or sit near them at restaurants, but i...
Sunday
Dating Older Men - When He Thinks You Are Younger
He didn't think that you were in your thirties or was it your forties? The mature gentleman, who absolutely loves young women, assumed you were in your 20s. What a disappointment for this guy with such a strict preference? You see, for some men, they will handle older women a bit different than they do younger ones--they won't. They strongly believe that older women have much emotional baggage and they don't want to help in the least bit way with any of it. If you play, young and dumb, you will see some of these older guys' games right before your eyes. There are usually more young women where you came from and they spend time finding out which ones are going to meet their needs, pronto!
* * *
I started graying in my 20s and felt the need to dye my hair. I knew that if I let that gray hair show, men were going to think I was older than I was. As I matured, I realized they needed to know I was not the silly young girl they thought I was, so I began to let that gray hair show. There would be no more talking down to me, making stupid statements, and acting as if I was a lost puppy that needed a home. Something as simple as letting my gray hair show sent a bold message to the ladies and gentlemen, I'm not whoever or whatever you thought I was. Funny, how people treat you a bit more respectful when you look and act your age.
Now when you look younger--really young, some manipulative elders will take advantage. They falsely assume you haven't had much life experience, you are ignorant to a lot of things, and they think having fun each day is one of your priorities. They don't think of you as marriage material or baby-making. You are a "friend" and that's about it. Therefore, some older guys who have a bit of money, enjoy going to nice places, and treating their pretty young "things" will do some nice things for you until they grow weary of you or vice versa. The rule of thumb: look pretty and don't talk too much. You start talking about the future, children, where he has been, who he knows, and wanting to meet his relatives, the older guy just might start to distance himself if he isn't sold out on your type. Yes, he has "a type" and if you don't fit into that mold, he isn't thinking about any present or future.
Now the "friend" relationship works when you don't care to be in a serious commitment with someone, but when feelings begin to grow, you want more. But an older gentleman may not want to see you as anything more than whatever you agreed to be to him.
I learned quite a few life lessons when it comes to dating older men unfortunately the hard way. Those lessons were the premise for starting this blog years ago. I wanted young women as well as mature men to see the ups and downs when it comes to age gap dating and do it wisely. I wanted people on the outside looking in to be informed and have a bit of compassion for these couples. It isn't always easy. Money, time, and energy is often lost in these partnerships because couples get swept away with "fun, different, new experience" that they don't realize just how many people they affect when they make poor choices in selecting mates. Children from previous marriages lose respect for their parent(s). Relatives shun or distance themselves from their young family members who refuse to listen to warnings. Religious people judge these couples because they assume something unholy is going on (which it is sometimes especially when the older gentleman is still married). Children are born into the new relationship wearing scarlet letters because some relatives believe they should have been born in wedlock. Society frowns at the dirty old men who date women who are young enough to be daughters and nieces. Sometimes children are born with health issues because there is such a wide age gap.
When a mature man thinks a woman is younger than he thinks, he has a choice: he can either go ahead and date her and actually enjoy the experience of dating someone more mature then what he was hoping for or he can let the lady go in peace. Too often people settle and later learn that they are unhappy. If a young woman is misrepresenting herself or falsely advertising that she is younger than what she claims to be, this might backfire. For some mature men, they are strict about the kind of young women they like to date and if the woman is not really twenty-something it might be an issue for some. There are differences between age groups and not everyone can tolerate those differences.
So be sure, young lady, you are representing an accurate portrayal of who you are. Consider this, a mature man who is adamant about your age, most likely will not change from his stance. Your youthful appearance will eventually fade, especially after child-bearing, and he will no longer find you as attractive as he once did. Sooner or later, he will find that comparable match who will be a lot younger than you.
Nicholl McGuire shares more dating tips at lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com
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I started graying in my 20s and felt the need to dye my hair. I knew that if I let that gray hair show, men were going to think I was older than I was. As I matured, I realized they needed to know I was not the silly young girl they thought I was, so I began to let that gray hair show. There would be no more talking down to me, making stupid statements, and acting as if I was a lost puppy that needed a home. Something as simple as letting my gray hair show sent a bold message to the ladies and gentlemen, I'm not whoever or whatever you thought I was. Funny, how people treat you a bit more respectful when you look and act your age.
Now when you look younger--really young, some manipulative elders will take advantage. They falsely assume you haven't had much life experience, you are ignorant to a lot of things, and they think having fun each day is one of your priorities. They don't think of you as marriage material or baby-making. You are a "friend" and that's about it. Therefore, some older guys who have a bit of money, enjoy going to nice places, and treating their pretty young "things" will do some nice things for you until they grow weary of you or vice versa. The rule of thumb: look pretty and don't talk too much. You start talking about the future, children, where he has been, who he knows, and wanting to meet his relatives, the older guy just might start to distance himself if he isn't sold out on your type. Yes, he has "a type" and if you don't fit into that mold, he isn't thinking about any present or future.
Now the "friend" relationship works when you don't care to be in a serious commitment with someone, but when feelings begin to grow, you want more. But an older gentleman may not want to see you as anything more than whatever you agreed to be to him.
I learned quite a few life lessons when it comes to dating older men unfortunately the hard way. Those lessons were the premise for starting this blog years ago. I wanted young women as well as mature men to see the ups and downs when it comes to age gap dating and do it wisely. I wanted people on the outside looking in to be informed and have a bit of compassion for these couples. It isn't always easy. Money, time, and energy is often lost in these partnerships because couples get swept away with "fun, different, new experience" that they don't realize just how many people they affect when they make poor choices in selecting mates. Children from previous marriages lose respect for their parent(s). Relatives shun or distance themselves from their young family members who refuse to listen to warnings. Religious people judge these couples because they assume something unholy is going on (which it is sometimes especially when the older gentleman is still married). Children are born into the new relationship wearing scarlet letters because some relatives believe they should have been born in wedlock. Society frowns at the dirty old men who date women who are young enough to be daughters and nieces. Sometimes children are born with health issues because there is such a wide age gap.
When a mature man thinks a woman is younger than he thinks, he has a choice: he can either go ahead and date her and actually enjoy the experience of dating someone more mature then what he was hoping for or he can let the lady go in peace. Too often people settle and later learn that they are unhappy. If a young woman is misrepresenting herself or falsely advertising that she is younger than what she claims to be, this might backfire. For some mature men, they are strict about the kind of young women they like to date and if the woman is not really twenty-something it might be an issue for some. There are differences between age groups and not everyone can tolerate those differences.
So be sure, young lady, you are representing an accurate portrayal of who you are. Consider this, a mature man who is adamant about your age, most likely will not change from his stance. Your youthful appearance will eventually fade, especially after child-bearing, and he will no longer find you as attractive as he once did. Sooner or later, he will find that comparable match who will be a lot younger than you.
Nicholl McGuire shares more dating tips at lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com
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