Wednesday

Married, Children and Work - When the Mature Man Just Wants Fun

I didn't know at 20 years old when the older gentleman approached me that he had a wife, children, and other responsibilities until I walked into his office and noticed the photo behind him.  We weren't at his workplace to talk business, we were planning a date.  I had no conscious, compassion or anything about marriage, children or anything related, because I just thought, "He's cute for an older guy."

You would have thought that at the moment I saw the photograph I would have backed off, politely excused myself and moved on, but I didn't.  He noticed I was checking out the family photo, so he took it off the shelf and talked about what appeared to be a happy group.  Since he had been out of state for months, he missed them, but he also wanted to have a good time.

I didn't give the man any sex, despite his alluding to it, but what I did give him was laughter.  The smile that came on his face as we strolled a park was priceless!  The 40 plus year old was enjoying the company of a 20 year old and neither one of us even bothered to talk about age.

Of course, my conscious began to catch up with me a few days later.  I started to think, "What if I was his wife in that photo?  And he has children...What if my dad was like that?"  Cold chills came over me.  The gentleman called me again requesting I hang out with him, but I politely declined.

Fast forward to present day, over 20 years later I now have a family of my own and I recognize that sometimes life can get quite boring.  I realized that there are men and women who just get tired of partners, children, and work--I have been there.  But we have choices and there are consequences to every decision we make.

I have observed and listened to men who just felt trapped in marriages, jobs and more.  Their loveless relationships produced children that they really didn't want.  They worked jobs they hated.  Their spouses were giving them a hard time about looking externally for happiness.  But sometimes you ask yourself, "When is it my turn to live a little?"  I personally think there is nothing wrong with wanting to do some things you always wanted to do with your life within reason.  Does it have to be about flings, fast cars and other typical things that midlife men in crisis desire?

I think there is far too much programming out there to subliminally lure married men as well as the committed retired to do the unthinkable because there is a lot of money to gain from this group who have spent decades saving money and want any excuse to dip in their investments.  Sports cars are pricey, juggling more than one woman will result in increase revenue for entertainment spots, travel, and also a trip to divorce court, and more. 

Women who enable the men who want some "fun" will also pay sooner or later mentally, spiritually and physically (because hot looks do go away especially when there's lots of relationship stress and yes, I was cheated on in the past).  The married man tired of his current family may end up with yet another family that makes him even more miserable. 

Being idle, creating fantasies in one's mind, and flirting with trouble will cause problems for all parties in one's quest to have a little fun.  Consider doing some productive things that will keep you out of trouble while appeasing the need within to live a little.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.   

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