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I started graying in my 20s and felt the need to dye my hair. I knew that if I let that gray hair show, men were going to think I was older than I was. As I matured, I realized they needed to know I was not the silly young girl they thought I was, so I began to let that gray hair show. There would be no more talking down to me, making stupid statements, and acting as if I was a lost puppy that needed a home. Something as simple as letting my gray hair show sent a bold message to the ladies and gentlemen, I'm not whoever or whatever you thought I was. Funny, how people treat you a bit more respectful when you look and act your age.
Now when you look younger--really young, some manipulative elders will take advantage. They falsely assume you haven't had much life experience, you are ignorant to a lot of things, and they think having fun each day is one of your priorities. They don't think of you as marriage material or baby-making. You are a "friend" and that's about it. Therefore, some older guys who have a bit of money, enjoy going to nice places, and treating their pretty young "things" will do some nice things for you until they grow weary of you or vice versa. The rule of thumb: look pretty and don't talk too much. You start talking about the future, children, where he has been, who he knows, and wanting to meet his relatives, the older guy just might start to distance himself if he isn't sold out on your type. Yes, he has "a type" and if you don't fit into that mold, he isn't thinking about any present or future.
Now the "friend" relationship works when you don't care to be in a serious commitment with someone, but when feelings begin to grow, you want more. But an older gentleman may not want to see you as anything more than whatever you agreed to be to him.
I learned quite a few life lessons when it comes to dating older men unfortunately the hard way. Those lessons were the premise for starting this blog years ago. I wanted young women as well as mature men to see the ups and downs when it comes to age gap dating and do it wisely. I wanted people on the outside looking in to be informed and have a bit of compassion for these couples. It isn't always easy. Money, time, and energy is often lost in these partnerships because couples get swept away with "fun, different, new experience" that they don't realize just how many people they affect when they make poor choices in selecting mates. Children from previous marriages lose respect for their parent(s). Relatives shun or distance themselves from their young family members who refuse to listen to warnings. Religious people judge these couples because they assume something unholy is going on (which it is sometimes especially when the older gentleman is still married). Children are born into the new relationship wearing scarlet letters because some relatives believe they should have been born in wedlock. Society frowns at the dirty old men who date women who are young enough to be daughters and nieces. Sometimes children are born with health issues because there is such a wide age gap.
When a mature man thinks a woman is younger than he thinks, he has a choice: he can either go ahead and date her and actually enjoy the experience of dating someone more mature then what he was hoping for or he can let the lady go in peace. Too often people settle and later learn that they are unhappy. If a young woman is misrepresenting herself or falsely advertising that she is younger than what she claims to be, this might backfire. For some mature men, they are strict about the kind of young women they like to date and if the woman is not really twenty-something it might be an issue for some. There are differences between age groups and not everyone can tolerate those differences.
So be sure, young lady, you are representing an accurate portrayal of who you are. Consider this, a mature man who is adamant about your age, most likely will not change from his stance. Your youthful appearance will eventually fade, especially after child-bearing, and he will no longer find you as attractive as he once did. Sooner or later, he will find that comparable match who will be a lot younger than you.
Nicholl McGuire shares more dating tips at lovedatingadvice.blogspot.com