They are out there, men who will say whatever they want to any woman they choose. It doesn't matter that sexual harassment claims are taking our media by storm, the old way of thinking is etched in some of these older men's minds. Like children, some still believe pretty women are seen not heard. The men born prior to the seventies are still among us and still sharing antiquated beliefs with open-minded children and grandchildren.
Haughty men still insist on saying sexually inappropriate things to women, talking about sexual conquests to the same sex and others, sharing and/or giving sexually explicit material to female workers, clients, and even strangers. They laugh off what they do and follow it up with statements like, "Well you know how we are, boys will be boys. Can't you take a joke, why so serious? I can't help myself, but you are gorgeous. You are so fine, I couldn't help but touch that behind! Look at all the women who like me, I am irresistible, I will make you love me!" Some women will nervously chuckle until convicting thoughts and negative feelings take hold of them afterward, "What just happened?" some of these women think. "I can't believe he said that...did that. That's not right."
Whether a woman realizes in that moment or years later that being harassed is unacceptable, the point is, it happened. Something occurred that just wasn't right. A powerful man or a not-so-powerful one crossed the line. It didn't matter that she was single, married, young or old, he had no business forcing his sexual desire/thoughts/deeds. Would sexually inappropriate behavior be okay with him toward his daughter or granddaughter by other lust-filled men? Would he be okay with his wife being disrespected by other men with the promise of fame, fortune and power to follow? Most caring men would say, "No way, I would beat that man's a$$! No one disrespects my mother, sister, daughter...no one!" So why would they think it is okay to do it to another man's kin without consequence? People talk about religious groups forcing their views down people's throats, well what about men and women without any moral compass forcing their ill-intentions and other things down people's throats?
I must admit I am happy but also sad at the same time about what is happening in the media. Happy because the exposure empowers women and changes the mindset of many men who thought daddy and grandaddy's disrespect of women was acceptable. But sad, because this does impact the way a number of men and women's relationships and friendships with one another--some for good and others for evil--it all depends upon the accuser.
Now when you look at the long list of men in the spotlight for hurting women, you can't help but see how some victims also took advantage of the benefits they received from them as well. I guess they looked at it as getting their due payment from the pain, shame, and suffering they endured. Do we ignore the voices of those who agreed to perform some tricks for some treats? Were those women really harrassed or are they looking for a second or even third payout by riding on the #MeToo campaign?
Whether victim or not, the point is men are going to have to re-evaluate their thinking concerning women and teach sons and grandsons too! As much as lovely ladies are quite attractive to view and can be quite kind to you, doesn't mean that it gives any man or woman a license to act disrespectfully toward them. Keep your sexual thoughts and material to yourself. Resist the temptation to want to kiss, hold, squeeze, rape, or stare. Most women simply will not respond in a positive way to a forceful, desperate, lonely or even crazy sort of man hell-bent on getting something for nothing or something for something.
The men, who refuse to change their view of women, and continue to act inappropriate, will sooner or later have their day in court, day in the street, or worse six feet deep. You don't have to be a Hollywood big shot to be on a scorned woman's hit list. She will most likely have the support and protection from the men who love and appreciate her and may God help you if she does. In order to be a target, all you have to be is an arrogant fool with unaddressed sex issues and childhood woes who believes himself to be right even when he is wrong. The long list of names in the media continues to grow and so too are the life lessons. Going forward conduct yourself like gentlemen.
Nicholl McGuire
Monday
Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them
The smitten older man does what he can to draw the young lady into his arms and then when things get a bit stale, holidays show up, or requests are made to spend more time together, he grows cold toward his partner. The young woman thinks the older man is something special until relationship challenges show up. These people who fall out of love (lust) quickly, charm and then grow distant are difficult to be in relationships with--they will not remain committed for long. The holidays can motivate some couples to behave this way especially if they have a long history of breaking hearts or being heartbroken.
What is it about those who love others then leave them? Do they really want committed relationships? Sometimes they do, but they don't want to take a look at their personal pain, heal from it, and move on to a quality relationship. For some, they are simply too tired, lazy, self-absorbed, or emotionally wounded to bother. They don't examine the influences around them growing up, they don't address the trauma they have gone through, and they often believe themselves to be right even when they are wrong in the way that they treat people.
Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad. Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back. Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them. In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.
Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships. They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live. If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger. Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.
Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act. However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever. You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:
1) You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2) You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3) He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4) Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5) You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you. The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time. Could you do that without me?"
7) Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad. Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back. Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them. In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.
Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships. They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live. If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger. Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.
Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act. However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever. You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:
1) You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2) You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3) He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4) Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5) You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you. The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time. Could you do that without me?"
7) Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Watch Your Friends Around Your Young Partner
Sometimes men and women find the fruit that is already taken ripe for the picking. Watch lustful family members and friends around your partner especially this holiday season.
Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do
She started off thinking it was a wise decision to date someone older since she was quite mature for her age. However, in time she realized that her attraction to older men wasn't really her own, but the persuasion of charmers is what captivated her.
She talked herself into dating them. There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count. She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."
As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.
You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older. They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older. They give their wives and children hell too! But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..." That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh! The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all. Care turns into possession. Love turns into hate. Patience turns into irritability. Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest. If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."
There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial. She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant. She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better. "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman. He has a daughter for God sake! Why does he treat me like this? He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.
If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go. This is when your maturity needs to kick in. You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc.
The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests. But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone. Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in. There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa. True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.
A young woman who has made up in her mind that dating older is no longer what she wants to do is liberating herself to explore her world with someone who can better relate one day. It happens, people change. The young woman should give herself permission to move on, and as stated before, and so should the older man.
Nicholl McGuire
She talked herself into dating them. There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count. She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."
As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.
You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older. They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older. They give their wives and children hell too! But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..." That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh! The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all. Care turns into possession. Love turns into hate. Patience turns into irritability. Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest. If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."
There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial. She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant. She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better. "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman. He has a daughter for God sake! Why does he treat me like this? He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.
If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go. This is when your maturity needs to kick in. You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc.
The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests. But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone. Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in. There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa. True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
Monday
The Man in Denial About Being Old
He considers himself to be young, he chooses not to view himself to be old or getting older. He desires a young woman to make him feel good inside. She is to compliment him, make him smile, introduce him occasionally to what interests young people, be a good listener and a lover. Seems simple enough? Yet, the mature man, who is in denial about age and refuses to date anyone his own age or older, is complicated.
Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own. Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it. So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home. He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by. The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore. He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial.
Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one. He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings. He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego. He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group. He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body. He sulks when he loses. If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it. Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them.
So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says. "I'm not old." People are such good liars.
Nicholl McGuire
Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own. Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it. So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home. He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by. The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore. He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial.
Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one. He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings. He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego. He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group. He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body. He sulks when he loses. If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it. Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them.
So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says. "I'm not old." People are such good liars.
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change
He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others. The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors. He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion. When you meet him, you have struck gold! He is loving and wants what is best for you. You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.
Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception. Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration. His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.
Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men. You either learn to tolerate them or move on. As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere. Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.
Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause). The pair don't tend to get along either. This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce. Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too. A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is. Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.
So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger. However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them. They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception. Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration. His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.
Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men. You either learn to tolerate them or move on. As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere. Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.
Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause). The pair don't tend to get along either. This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce. Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too. A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is. Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.
So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger. However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them. They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
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