When Young Woman Dates Older Men

I didn't anticipate meeting a man decades older than me, but it happened not just once, not just twice but many times. Some were married, others were single, and others I don't know what were honestly their status. At first glance I didn't notice the gray hair, the crows feet around the
eyes, or the age marks, all I saw was a man that appeared to be easy on the eyes. I didn't begin to notice details until after getting to know these older men and seeing them more frequently. Depending on how much I liked the older man's personality, determined how noticeable the signs of aging appeared before my eyes. If he was married, it seemed that all flaws seemed to get bigger by the minute. I think that my conscious was letting me know you definitely don't want to get mixed up with an unavailable man. I think they must have felt my disinterest because then the smooth talk would be sure to follow. "I never met someone quite like you. You are special. I am having problems in my marriage and I will soon be getting a divorced. You are worth leaving my wife for you." It all seems so flattering until the reality sets in that the unavailable man is giving nothing more than lip service.

Other older men I have met have been available, so much in fact, that there were those that watched me like a hawk and didn't let a day pass without calling, or asking to spend a night or two during those days before marriage and children. It wasn't that I didn't like this men, I just wasn't interested in the pressure to have sex. It seemed as if some of these men had given themselves a deadline to sleep with "the young woman" so that they could eventually parade me around in their older circles. I remember one man who told his best friends about me and the minute the opportunity arose to show me off, he practically sped over to his friend's apartment. When we arrived, they looked me over, chuckled and said, "Where did you get her from? How nice!" Their eyes scanned me over like they couldn't wait for him to say, "I don't want her anymore, but you can have her."

I did meet my share of nice, older men, the kind that wanted to marry and have children, but I just couldn't connect with them. It wasn't that we weren't compatible, but I was in my early twenties and settling down to get married and have a family was not in my plans. One guy was a
winner, the kind of man that most any woman would consider a perfect gentleman, a great husband, and an exceptional dad. My heart ached every time I didn't return his phone calls. I literally couldn't get serious enough with him to start a relationship.

While walking with my older dates, I received the stares from older women, heard the comments from younger men, and dealt with my own share of embarrassing issues like, "Can you give this to your dad?" I would respond politely, "He's not my dad." As a result of my dating experiences, I have penned a book about this subject entitled, He's Not My Dad by Nicholl McGuire which will be available online winter 2009.

Am I proud about my past dating life? Not really, simply because I don't think it should have to take so long and so many to find someone compatible. I personally believe if you know what you want early on in life (and your needs are not impossible to meet,) take good care of self and finances, set boundaries prior to dating, and have a supportive team of people around you who have morals, you can't go wrong. I unfortunately made a lot of mistakes in all of these areas. That is why I feel the need to give back to humanity for every heart I broke, for the continuous healing I need for my heart that others wounded, and most of all to help young people keep from falling in the same traps I fell into during my early 20s. For more about my struggles and how I overcame, order my books on

In closing, I would like to add I did learn a lot from older men. Here is a bit of wisdom you may want to think about:

I learned with older men everything that glitters isn't gold.
Just because he is older doesn't make him smarter.

I realized many men play games regardless of the age and usually one popular game involves juggling more than one woman sometimes there can be as many as four or five.

I found when you love yourself, you send a powerful message that you can't be played.

I noticed an older man's family members or friends usually make your welcome into the inner circle hard because many are unfortunately jealous of your youth, beauty and the way you make him feel.

Lastly, confidence is supreme and when you exhibit it without forcing it, or trying to be something you are not, respect soon follows.

Other articles by this author about older men and younger women:

What to Expect When Dating an Older Man

Daddy's Love and Your Man's Love

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