Time to Show Off Your Younger or Older Mate for the Holidays

The day will soon be here! You will be making a statement whether you know it or not when you bring your new mate home for the holidays. So what do you say? What will they say? How will you react? What do you think your partner will do? So many questions, so little time. Let's talk about the dos and don'ts.

1. Do stay positive.

Although some will not favor your choice in a mate whether to your face or behind your back, ignore the looks and address negative comments, but always remember why you love your partner!

2. Do your homework before you and your date arrive to the family function.

Find out from relatives and friends what the mood is like before you arrive. If there is alot of tension about your decision, find somewhere else to spend the holidays.

3. Do avoid family disagreements.

You may be accustomed to arguing with certain family members and friends about one thing or another, try not to. You don't want to give your partner the wrong impression. Also, he or she may already feel tensed being around people he or she doesn't know, so try to keep conversations light.

4. Do respect your partner's feelings.

When your partner says, "I think we should go...I don't feel comfortable..." Don't make a scene. Politely excuse yourself when the opportune time comes and find out what occurred away from the site so as not to draw attention to the two of you.

5. Don't act bossy, know-it-all, negative, toward your partner in front of your family.

Sometimes we tend to tell our partners everything about everything when we are around people we know and we may even act a little different. Check your attitude and be sure you are putting your best foot forward not only with everyone else, but more specifically your partner.

6. Don't leave your partner alone with family for long periods of time.

Family have a way with words once you leave your partner alone. If you know you have difficult, negative relatives and friends, don't leave your partner alone with these people.

7. Don't allow your family to disrespect your partner.

Age is nothing but a number, but for some it is more than that and they may not hesitate to let everyone know how they feel. Don't stand there and let the relative or friend tell you and your partner off.

8. Don't feel tempted to joke about age or appearance with others.

Sometimes people will give into jokes because they want to go along just to get along. If you are in the relationship for the long haul, you don't want to set a precedence from the beginning that says, "I don't care..." when you know that you or your date really does care. Cut the joking off from the beginning and everyone will know where you stand.

Now that you have your tips for the holidays, enjoy! If things take a bad turn, try not to break your relationship off with your mate until you are certain he or she is not the one, not because of pressure or negative reaction from family and friends.


The Appeal Of Older Men

While mulling over what to talk about in my last blog, my husband had a suggestion I found irresistible! More joking than serious, he said, “Why don’t you talk about the sex appeal of older men, and call it ‘Who’s Your Daddy’?”

He never thought I would take him seriously. Well, as you can see, I did. By older, I am specifically talking about men past fifty. Yes, I have an eye for young stud puppets, cut and lean sex machines! But many of those to die for men look that way to attract other men. Although nice to ogle, it’s rather like pressing your nose against the candy store window. Drooling over the goodies is as far as you get.

The rugged virility I am talking about in older men I know about first hand. Working in the shipping industry as long as I have, I know sailors. These are not Navy sailors, they are Merchant Mariners. They have spent a good part of their lives on commercial ships, sailing all over the world. Once they came ashore, they continued to work with ships in a variety of roles.

Because of the requirements of my job, I have to travel occasionally. I have been to Singapore, Tokyo, Copenhagen, Barcelona and Norway. In all of these places, I have met sailors. I’ve talked to them, drank with them and been accepted by them. They’ve told me stories that have made me laugh until the tears ran. In fact, I’m writing an anthology called Hello, Sailor which will be released sometime in 2008. It is a collection of three novellas based upon the stories I’ve been told by my sailor friends.

These men are career mariners. They are strong individuals, free wheeling, opinionated, wickedly funny, and sexy. Most of all – God bless them – they LOVE women! You might be surprised to hear that they not only love women, they respect women. Of course they tell dirty jokes! They’re sailors after all. But whenever I have socialized with them, individually or in a group, I am treated with such courtesy it borders on gallantry. Not even my husband (don’t tell him I said this!) is as courteous and mannerly as they are.

They aren’t pretty boys. Far from it. They carry themselves with an aura of masculinity that can only be achieved with years of self sufficiency. Being a sailor is not an easy life. Hard work and hard living show on their faces, rugged character etched in every line. Perhaps they wouldn’t be considered classically handsome. They are nonetheless attractive in their manliness, maturity and individuality.

In our youth oriented culture, it is a refreshing reminder to know that sex appeal doesn’t diminish as the birthday candles increase. Both men and women remain sexual beings for as long as the fire burns inside. I have every intention of keeping my fire stoked for many more years. I think my sailor friends feel the same way.

As a final note, the piece below eloquently summarizes how I feel about my life, and my writing.

In 1981, Lena Horne did a one woman Broadway show called “Lena Horne – The Lady and her Music.” In the show, she referred to herself as a late bloomer. I find I am appreciating her comment more now than I ever have before.

Early in the show, she sang her signature song “Stormy Weather”, much like she sang it in the movie. Late in the show’s second half, she announced her next number by saying ‘’I had to grow into this song.’’

And then what does she do? She sings ‘’Stormy Weather’’ all over again. Only this time she sings it as if she had just grown into it, as if she had never sung it before. The words poured out of her, with a gospel fervor that covered her, and the audience, with sweat and tears.

I am growing into my song as Lena did hers, learning to sing it all over again, in a new way, with a new perspective. Who knew it could be this good!

P. F. Kozak has had a unique perspective on sexuality since she discovered playing doctor, long before puberty. With the publication of her books it is real, and it is only just beginning. Visit


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Bad Men You Should Avoid: What Kind of Bad Boy Are You Thinking About?
Are you dating a bad boy or considering a relationship with one? Would you like to know what the future holds for you and he? Then you need to read this article that will change the way you look at him and possibly save your life.
Read More

6 Things Older Men Shouldn't Do While on a Date with a Younger Woman

The following list is what some older men do that turn their younger dates off!

1. Talk like they know everything about everything. For instance, some older men will attempt to use slang to impress their younger dates. Others will act like a teacher talking to a student or a father talking to his daughter. BIG TURN OFF! Best advice, just be yourself and mind your manners!

2. Pick out certain attire to make him look younger than what he is. If she wanted to date a man with baggy pants and a sports jersey with shiny tennis shoes, she would have picked a man her own age or younger. Dress in clothes that are considered timeless fashions. The polo shirt with the docker slacks is good enough -- if that is your style. Otherwise wear something similar to what she saw you in the day you asked her out or one of the photos of you wearing business casual attire.

3. Converse about parents. Unless she brings them up, stay away from offering your opinion unless she specifically asks you for it. Talking about parents and relatives invoke negative feelings for some people and since you don't know her that well yet, it is better to save questions about family for a later date.

4. Talk about "back in the day..." or "the old school." Stay away from subjects that give away how old is really old when it comes to your age. For instance, old television shows, music, and similar things that she wouldn't know anything about can be avoided at least during the first date. Rather talk about current events, work, interests, and upcoming holidays.

5. Talk about other women or look at other women during the date. You may have many "good friends," ex-wives, sisters even daughters. During the early stages of dating, don't make a "big deal" about all the women you know and how they helped you pick out your outfit, cut your hair, or thought you were crazy for dating her. Remember she wants to be your number one.

6. Make jokes or comments about the age of his young date. If her age bothers you, don't date her! She can't do anything about the fact that she either acts or talks youthful. Keep in mind some young women will be offended just like you would be if she commented about you being a Chester the molester.

Dating an Older Man or Woman With Mixed Feelings and Doubts?

Someone who is 10, 15, 20 or even 30 years older than you has expressed romantic interest. However, lately you have had some mixed feelings about dating them, how do you deal with your doubts and be at peace with your decision to date, stay in the relationship or end it?

Meet Nadine, she was 21 when she met Dalton 31. He seemed to have his life very much together as compared to some of the guys she met her own age. However, Nadine and Dalton came from different worlds. When Dalton was a child, men were very domineering over women and when Nadine was a child every woman she ever knew was independent. Their worlds began to collide. Dalton expected Nadine to listen to him and follow his instructions about cooking and keeping the house clean, take his suggestions on how to dress in front of men and most of all how to communicate with him without using slang and curse words. Dalton mentioned to her one day he thought she was rather young and they didn't have many common interests, but there was nothing more said about his statement. He avoided bringing the age difference issue up to her again, because he definitely didn't want to break up with her at least not right then. On the other hand, Nadine wasn't sure she could continue to look at Dalton's receding hairline much longer while he gave her his suggestions about how she should act. She also grew weary of sitting at home watching Dalton's selection of classic movies on weekends. Both of them continued to see one another despite their differences; however, they were considering on breaking up with one another secretly.

Although Nadine's complaints seem trivial, she is use to doing things with people mainly her own age and she socializes with very youthful and attractive people (who haven't lost their hair at least not yet.) On the other hand, Dalton works around many people his own age and doesn't see anything wrong with "teaching" Nadine. Despite their conflict over age differences, they get along at times, but they are silently grappling with the issue.

Before you decide to date, propose, marry or break up with someone much older or younger than you, be sure to write down all of your concerns. Don't just think about how you feel about him or her presently, but how you may feel about them in the future. What is important to you about another person's personality and physical attributes may not be so important to everyone else. The decision you reach should be one you are comfortable with not one someone else tries to convince you to make. Some people may tell you how great it is to date someone older for wisdom, wealth, growth and other reasons that seem logical. However, you may have a problem with the way he or she looks, talks to you or treats you out in public. Others may tell you how wonderful it is to date a younger person, because they don't have as much baggage, they are exciting and youthful, yet you may find their conversations are annoying or discover they are completely the opposite of what you expected. Avoid going into a relationship or continuing one with heavy doubts. If there is a small voice telling you he or she is not the one, listen to it. No matter how reasonable or logical someone's advice may sound, go with what gives you peace of mind.

Being with someone who is older or younger is very similar to dating someone interracially. People will stare and comment. Your own family may be critical and tell you what they think of your mate. You will have to be prepared to stand strong in the face of opposition if you really want your relationship to work. Some ex-spouses will attempt to make life difficult for you (and use the children if you have any.) They may be jealous, angry or even still in love with you depending on how you broke up with them. Know how to handle them, so that your new mate will not feel insecure or want to leave you.

Questions you may have not thought about are as follows. Consider asking yourself the following and acting on your response. It is best to know what you want and how you feel about the relationship before you fall too deeply in love.

Before You First Met

How would you describe your life before meeting this older or younger person? This question is important to answer. For instance, some people who are in their 40s could have recently came out of a relationship with someone who was about the same age and found he or she to be rather boring, tired, miserable, or depressed. As we know the older you get the more likely hormonal changes occur, unexpected aches and pains and other body challenges. Sometimes hormones will motivate desires to have every facet of one's life be changed such as ending a long term marriage, selecting a younger more exciting mate, quitting his or her job and traveling, buying a sports car that one cannot afford, exercising obsessively, dressing younger or taking a deep interest in having a baby or caring for babies. Some people later regret their decisions because they realize a visit to the doctor's office and a prescription could have kept them from making life- altering changes. Maybe the problem wasn't with their previous mate; instead, he or she may have had mental issues.

Another thought you may want to consider, if you are younger, is how was your relationship with your mother and father growing up? Do you find there is a pattern in selecting mates older than you? There are young women who are very much in need of a father figure and will confuse that need with their desire to date an older man. If she had no male influence growing up or her own dad didn't seem interested in relating to her, she may look for qualities in an older man to compensate for what she lacked in childhood. An older man who may be aware of this behavior may want to consider what role he will want to play in her life: good friend, lover, god father, acquaintance or all of the above.

Some older men have desires to have someone care for them particularly if they never had a daughter. There may be a reason why for some of you, you are consistently seeking younger women. Think about your past relationships, did you find yourself tempted to teach, correct and instruct your younger mate? Do you find you can control a younger woman or "get away" with certain things you couldn't with a woman your own age?

When You First Met

This younger or older mate definitely had something about them that drew you to them, what was it? If you find there is nothing more than physical qualities, sex and/or money, then you can be sure the relationship will be challenged. There has to be more than these attributes to make you want to be with him or her. What is it you like or dislike about he or she? What is it that your mate likes or dislikes about you? Will you be able to deal with these differences long term?

Physical Characteristics

As we all know beauty comes and goes, will you still find him or her attractive in the short and long term? What happens when he or she is ill, pregnant or disabled and not looking his or her best? Have you centered the relationship on appearance and showing him or her off to the public for attention? A man or woman with a fifty-year-old body doesn't look like a man or woman with a twenty or thirty-something year old body? Will you be able to handle a body aging? If you are older, are you confident enough in the way you look that you won't give your younger mate a hard time when you see them around people many years younger than you? If you are younger, what are your feelings about gray hair, balding, protruding bellies and varicose veins?


There will be those moments when you may say something that will reveal your true age. It may be a story about how you grew up, what kind of music you like, how old your parents are or something reminding your mate how old or young you are. How do you feel when you have conversations with your mate and how does he or she make you feel? Do you find him or her uninteresting? Do you feel more comfortable around people who are your own age? How do you think your feelings will affect your relationship in the future? As discussed earlier, hormonal changes will also come to challenge the relationship. For men, will you be able to handle a future pregnant woman's moodswings, menapause, or PMS? As for women will you be able to deal with male mental and physical issues?


When either a younger or older mate has wealth, he or she may be very generous or protective of it. They may not know what your motives are for being with them. How will you respond to their concerns? Do you have your own personal wealth you can be proud of? Will your mate object if you work, don't work, own your own business or go back to school? Do you expect your mate to assist you? Have you discussed how much you make, what kind of bills you pay and how much they are and if you can afford to help one another? Can you both afford to travel, eat out at restaurants and enjoy other forms of entertainment? All of these questions are important because our interests are a big part of our lives, if you want to do things together, you don't want money to be an issue later in the relationship.


Your family will also reveal how old you are as well. Her sister maybe twenty years old and yours may be forty years old. Your mate may not have too much in common with her potential sister-in-laws and vice versa. Don't anticipate the family will love your mate, because they may not. Instead, they will question, "What does this younger woman want with my son? Why is this old man going out with my daughter?" They will discuss motives amongst each other and eventually talk with you as to what they suspect is your mate's reasons for being with you. Don't fall into the temptation to believe what you hear unless there is proof from your mate that tells you otherwise.


If you had children or are thinking about not having any, then your younger mate needs to know this. Don't cover up how you really feel by saying, "Oh maybe one day." The truth will later reveal itself and when it does it won't help your relationship. If you are serious about not wanting children, state the truth. If you have children from a previous relationship, tell your mate. There are consequences whether you tell or don't tell. Avoid hurting your mate anymore than you have to by being honest and allow them the opportunity to make a choice whether to continue a relationship with you. If you would like to have children one day, be sure your mate knows, but don't try to convince him or her she will be a good father or mother, let them think about your plans and reach a decision on their own.


This should concern anyone in any kind of relationship. The day will come where we will all die. Think of the person you are with and include them on your insurance policy. You don't need to tell them what you have done. However, if they choose to be with you for the rest of their lives and you are many years older, you know the days will come when they will most likely have to care for you. Don't leave your mate or children with any financial burdens. Plan how your wealth will be handled once you are gone.

Although the information in this article is very detailed for a relationship that may not have started yet or is just beginning, it has provided you with a glimpse of what you will have to consider in the future. Re-read it. Make your decision to date someone older or younger wisely, not out of lust, selfish gain, curiosity or some other trivial reason.

Advice Every Young Woman Needs When Dating an Older Man

Many young women are dating older men not having a clue as to the differences they will encounter in the future. These differences are not as obvious as the physical ones, but there are mental ones that every woman should be made aware. As a result they have led to many men breaking up marriages ten years plus for younger women, going into depressions, having children late in life that they regret having, and so much more.

Younger women must be prepared for a possible future heartbreak that may leave them confused and bitter for the rest of their lives if their not careful. The following advice may or may not have been shared with you by some well-meaning family member or friend. If you are having problems as a younger woman understanding an older man, then take heed.

Older men have their reasons for dating a younger woman. A well-educated, wealthy, handsome, older man is not dating a younger woman for just mere shallow reasons like "she's pretty and athletic" neither is an ignorant, poor, ugly, older man. His reasons may be even more complicated since he doesn't have everything going for him like his handsome friend. If you are a younger woman with discerning family members and friends they may have already told you to "be careful" and they may have questioned your choice and asked you what does he want with you?

So what does he really want with you? Well you will have to get to know him in order to find out the answer to that question. Since many younger women are busily preparing for their careers, involved in various activities, and spend time socializing with friends, they aren't spending a lot of time getting to know their older men. Unfortunately, it is very easy for the mature man to say and do things that may ultimately hurt his younger mate's feelings in the end. Some younger men can and will do the same, but for the purposes of this article we will not be talking about them.

Do you know for a fact that your older man isn't still married? Are you aware of the children he may have had in previous relationships? What about the bills that he won't tell you about? Can he really take care of you like he has promised? Are you the only woman in his life? Have you met any of his male and female friends? How close are you with his relatives?

Let's explore some of the reasons he may have wanted to date someone 10, 15 or even 20 years younger. Some men have admitted younger women don't have as much "baggage" as older women. By baggage, they mean past experiences with men that have usually been negative. He is hoping a younger woman will bring a physical energy to his life that wasn't there before, more on that later. If he isn't a parent already, he may be looking to procreate. Older men with controlling personalities, don't want women who are "mouthy" meaning women who will speak their minds, independent thinker types. He also won't appreciate the younger woman being close to family and friends, because he doesn't want their input to expose whatever he may or may not be doing to make their daughter happy. With some older men, their objective is to find a younger woman who is naive, and will cater to his every need. This may or may not describe your man; however, a good way to find out is to ask questions, observe whether what he does aligns with what he says. Is he communicating with you about all sorts of subjects or just one or two like sex and music? Does he seem to be comfortable wherever the two of you go or does he seem quiet, distant not really interested in any thing except getting you back home? When you find an inconsistency in his statements and actions then you will know what kind of man you are dating.

There have been many younger women who have been deceived into thinking that an older man has more money, time, patience, and skill than other men. This kind of shallow advice has unfortunately come from people who have had good experiences dating older men. However, nothing could be further from the truth. There are many older men who struggle with paying bills just like younger men. They don't always have time on their hands to spend with their younger mate mainly when they are looking forward to retirement; therefore, they may be putting in longer hours at work. As for patience and skill sometimes they may have less of it than younger men simply due to the aging process and the time period at which they grew up. Things were really different back in their day. You, as the younger woman, will have to recognize and respect those differences.

Speaking of health ailments, men between the ages of 40-55 show signs of what some call "the male menopause" also known as andropause. This is a health condition that occurs when his testosterone levels begin to decrease. When this occurs, he becomes increasingly tired, moody, experiences hot flashes, a decrease in libido and other related conditions. Some men also experience a mid-life crisis and when this happens he begins to think about the things in life he has accomplished and what he has yet to do. If he isn't satisfied with how he has lived his life he may become depressed or he may overcompensate for his lack by doing things to make him feel better. Some of the things he chooses to do may not seem practical to others such as buying the car he always dreamed of, dating you, leaving a marriage that he has been in for over ten years, dressing like people half his age, obsessing over his appearance, etc.

While he may be going through andropause, the women who he has dated in the past or the one he was married to may have been going through menopause. He may not have been able to handle her mood swings, hot flashes, vaginal dryness, wavering libido and all the other symptoms that menopausal women face. Remember earlier I told you he might have been looking for a younger woman with more physical energy? Well, another woman's menopausal symptoms may have been severe enough to drive him into your arms. Rather be understanding of the aging process that women his age experience, he looks to find a younger woman who doesn't have these symptoms. However, what he has forgotten, in his quest to find less baggage, is that women of childbearing age will have menstrual issues and if they become pregnant will go through similar issues that menopausal women face. Find out why he really left his previous mate and if it was for reasons such as "she was moody or tired all the time." If that is the case, then don't believe that he will understand when you go through your menstrual cycle or become pregnant.

This information is vital to have when you are dating older men or think that they are better than men your own age. Know that if you should date an older man, there are shallow ideologies that you must rid yourself from thinking. Rather, go into your future relationships, desiring the following: "a man that will sincerely love me with all my faults, be patient with me, have hope for our future even in the storms, and respect the people whom I love." The money, fame, fortune or anything else you are seeking come with hard work and are shared with the spouses who are in the relationship for the long haul. Young women who have sought men solely for these qualities may be riding in the limousine for a moment, but in time are kicked out with their bags left on the curb wearing humiliation on their faces.

10 Things Younger Women Want from Older Men

There are older men who would love to be in a relationship with a younger woman; however, they don't do their research before getting involved in a relationship with a younger woman so when issues come up they don't know how to fix them. An older man can be the best partner for a younger
woman if he knows what she wants, but for some younger women immaturity keeps them from expressing their needs which makes it difficult for an older man to understand her.

Here is what younger women want from older men. You will notice that the things they want are no different than any other woman. You can take these tips and apply them to any woman any age.

One. Young women don't want to be caught off guard.

If you are a man in your thirties, forties, fifties even sixties you have a history that is probably a lot more interesting than your younger companion. Therefore, you need to be doing more talking and she needs to be doing more listening. If you don't share the details of your past that you know at some point will be a concern in the relationship later on, then you might as well expect her to exit. Like older women, younger women don't want to be caught off guard about the marriage their older man never got a divorce from, the child by another woman he never bothered to explain, the jail time he served, or the parents he may have said died but are still very much alive.

Two. Young women want to make their own decisions without little input from their man.

Some older men assume because they have been around the block they know more about life. That may be true, but just because you "been there and done that" doesn't mean she won't want to proceed with her plans without your advice. Rather than take on a father figure role, let her find out some things about life on her own. This doesn't mean let her harm herself or another, but what this does mean is if she has a strong urge to make a decision she feels will help her in her career, mentally, physically, or in some other way then let her do it!

Three. Young women would like to be loved, cared for and treated with respect.
Some older men think that because they have been burned in the past, it's okay to play games with the younger women. They reason they are too young to know what's going on anyway. Of course, that is foolish thinking and you just might hurt the wrong woman and find yourself sorry for the
rest of your life it's better to just treat her like you want to be treated.

Four. Young women may want commitment.

This isn't a cardinal rule for some, because they may not want to be married to you or anyone. But for most women, they want a commitment. They need a commitment! They want to know that you will one day marry them and if you know that is not what you had in mind then you need to communicate that as soon as possible.

Five. Young women may want children.

Once again, not a cardinal rule, but some women desire to have a family with the one they love. Now if you have children already and don't plan to have anymore, she needs to know that. Otherwise, if you don't tell her, you may fall into a situation where you just might be a daddy whether you like it or not!

Six. Young women don't want to be the other woman.

Some women may start off telling you, "I don't mind being a friend with benefits." However, that kind of thinking will change especially if the sex is good! A younger woman who is knocked off her feet by good sex will make you her potential husband in her mind even though you may be thinking otherwise.

Seven. Young women would like to learn something new from their older men that they can't get from their peers.

If others have deemed you an intelligent, wise kind of man then you need to put your knowledge to good use. Tell her some interesting things about your life, share with her your dreams and aspirations, and explain to her about things she may not understand. Teach her how to invest her money wisely, give her things that will stimulate her mentally, and most of all praise her when she learns something new!

Eight. Young women want financial security.
This may be a turn-off for some older men, but it's a reality, young women want a man with some cash! If you have some and aren't generous with it, then she will be turned off and she may exit just like an older woman would. Because she most likely knows already what being financially
broke feels and looks like and she doesn't want to go down that path again. A man her age in a not so distant past may have taken more from her than gave her; he may have lied about money, or hid it from her. But whatever he did, she doesn't expect you to do it because you are older and she thinks you should know better!

Nine. Young women want maturity in their relationship.

She may not look mature or act it, but when it comes down to serious relationship issues she wants a man to be focused on the relationship not on a dinner and movie experience all the time or some trinket of jewelry to pacify her. Most young women enjoy having fun with their older companion, but when it's time for "the talk" they want to be heard.

Ten. Young women want what their father failed to give them as a child.

Experts will tell you that many young women have had a bad history with their father and often look to older men as a kind of father figure. No matter how true this statement is, older men will have to determine whether the younger women in their lives are with them for love or for something else.

As mentioned earlier, this list can be used not only for educating oneself on the needs of younger women, but older women as well. Anyone entering into a relationship is expecting something so with information such as this you should be able to determine whether you can fulfill a young woman's needs or not.

What to Expect When Dating an Older Man

There are those women who need some insight as to what to expect when dating older men. They may feel pressure because of age differences, appearances, life experiences, and other things that are considered significant when choosing the right man to settle down. The information that you
are about to read has been created to prepare you for some issues that may come up in your dating relationship with an older man.

The first issue is how people react when they see you with a man who is noticeably older than you. Some people will assume that he is your father or an older relative. It's up to you to either take their stares or comments in stride or address them. Most couples don't allow themselves to be bothered by public reaction. However, family impressions are handled differently. Usually if there are comments made about the age difference, the older man will either joke about it, ask the person to stop the negative comments, or don't bother visiting with them when you both are around.

The second issue that tends to come up in relationships like these has to do with intimacy. When most people grow older they become less likely to be intimate. Yet, because of various pills nowadays some older men are actually more energetic sexually than some younger men.

Another concern of younger women dating older men is their past connections. It seems the older man's children are not as supportive as they let on and may hinder their father from continuing a relationship with the younger woman. She may be deemed a gold digger by his children because they feel like he will give his wealth to her and leave them out.

Ex-wives and ex-girlfriends who are most likely a lot older than his new girlfriend also play a part in his life especially if children are involved. She may have had a good relationship with not only him in the past but his family too. It isn't unusual to see an ex show up at family celebrations, reunions or funerals.

Dating an older man has its challenges when a younger woman doesn't have as much life experience and/or education as he does. Communication problems may occur and she may be easily turned off by his wisdom or turned on because she doesn't know much about life.

You will want to evaluate whether dating an older man is worth the added stress to your life especially if you will be having interaction with his children and relatives. Some younger women are not interested in older men because they look and act older. They have a history that is about
as old if not older than they are. They feel that they can't relate and don't have anything in common with an older man. When you decide that an older man is worth dating, be sure that you are not compromising who you are just to make him want to be with you more. Stay true to yourself!

When Young Women Love Older Men

There are older women in circles right now discussing why men in their age group go for younger women. They are usually angry, jealous, and bitter about the fact because they know that once they reach a certain age the pickings for men get a lot slimmer. This is why some older women will
not move on or be content being alone. They will hold on to their unavailable ex, date a player, put up with a drunk, and use drugs with an addict or anything else just because they are so desperate to keep a man even when he doesn't want them anymore. So when a younger woman comes along and the older man divorces his wife for her, cheats on his older girlfriend for her or does something else to be with her, some of these older women act like old fools!

The younger woman isn't to blame in most cases unless she deliberately went after an unavailable, happily married man. However, usually these older men are unhappily married, living separate from their wives, divorced, or dating other women but just haven't found one to date exclusively yet. Whatever his issue, his wife's issue or his ex's issue, the point is the young woman has now fallen in love with him.

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash
What does she feel when she is in love with her older man? What does her action or inaction in the relationship with him look like? Let's answer these questions.

Since every woman is different it's hard to provide specific details as to how she feels about him, but there are some basic things to look out for if you intend to make the relationship a happy one. Because she is younger, she doesn't usually have as much life experience as you. Depending on her age, she may have just moved out of mommy and daddy's home and is beginning to start a life of her own free of authority figures. So if you come along and try to tell her how to live her life like a parent, then she can very easily fall out of love or lust with you and the idea of ever dating a man older. She will then settle with someone closer to her age. However, if you act more like a friend and encourage her to live independently and enjoy her life, then she will eventually find her way to you because you are not stifling her from being the kind of woman she is destined to be.

Some younger women fall deeply in love with older men because her father didn't show her the kind of love she wanted as a child. He may have been absent, physically abusive, or mentally unaware of her existence because he was too busy working. Just imagine, here you are this wonderful, kind older
gentleman with your arms open wide and she will not hesitate to jump in them and look to you to be a father that she never had. Now this isn't always the case, some younger women had great relationships with their dad and wish to be with men who have similar attributes as their father. If their dad was hardworking, took great care of the family, honest, and church-going, then she may expect the same from you. This kind of thinking is not only with young women who date older men but any woman dating any man of any color, age, race, or creed.

When she truly loves her older man she will want to do everything for him and be the kind of woman he adores. This concept is no different if she was with a man the same age or younger. A woman who is treated with respect, admired, loved, and appreciated will react just like a man who feels the same way. She will go out of her way to make him happy when she is in love. However, if she isn't she will grow distant and will start to think of what she may have missed out on by not being with a man her own age. Her family, if they notice that she is not happy in the relationship, will encourage her to break up with the older man and find someone more age appropriate for her. This is why some older, controlling men try to keep the family out of her life because they want to be the only ones who have power over her. Unfortunately, their plan of control usually backfires.  As the young woman ages, she (who was once blind) begins to see and realizes that the older man is just not for her.

Younger women can be a blessing to older men especially when these men reach an age where they can no longer care for themselves. However, they can be a curse to those who mistreated them in their youth.  The older man and younger woman who have a quality relationship will get to experience the joys of life whether emotionally whole or broken, rich or poor, or sick or well.

An older man tends to have the best of both worlds when dealing with a younger woman (that is why his friends tend to envy him and may even hate on his relationship), he can be free to relive his youth again while knowing that if his partner is sincerely in love with him she will see to it that he is taken care of for the rest of his life.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  She also is the owner of Nicholl McGuire Media.

When Young Woman Dates Older Men

I didn't anticipate meeting a man decades older than me, but it happened not just once, not just twice but many times. Some were married, others were single, and others I don't know what were honestly their status. At first glance I didn't notice the gray hair, the crows feet around the
eyes, or the age marks, all I saw was a man that appeared to be easy on the eyes. I didn't begin to notice details until after getting to know these older men and seeing them more frequently. Depending on how much I liked the older man's personality, determined how noticeable the signs of aging appeared before my eyes. If he was married, it seemed that all flaws seemed to get bigger by the minute. I think that my conscious was letting me know you definitely don't want to get mixed up with an unavailable man. I think they must have felt my disinterest because then the smooth talk would be sure to follow. "I never met someone quite like you. You are special. I am having problems in my marriage and I will soon be getting a divorced. You are worth leaving my wife for you." It all seems so flattering until the reality sets in that the unavailable man is giving nothing more than lip service.

Other older men I have met have been available, so much in fact, that there were those that watched me like a hawk and didn't let a day pass without calling, or asking to spend a night or two during those days before marriage and children. It wasn't that I didn't like this men, I just wasn't interested in the pressure to have sex. It seemed as if some of these men had given themselves a deadline to sleep with "the young woman" so that they could eventually parade me around in their older circles. I remember one man who told his best friends about me and the minute the opportunity arose to show me off, he practically sped over to his friend's apartment. When we arrived, they looked me over, chuckled and said, "Where did you get her from? How nice!" Their eyes scanned me over like they couldn't wait for him to say, "I don't want her anymore, but you can have her."

I did meet my share of nice, older men, the kind that wanted to marry and have children, but I just couldn't connect with them. It wasn't that we weren't compatible, but I was in my early twenties and settling down to get married and have a family was not in my plans. One guy was a
winner, the kind of man that most any woman would consider a perfect gentleman, a great husband, and an exceptional dad. My heart ached every time I didn't return his phone calls. I literally couldn't get serious enough with him to start a relationship.

While walking with my older dates, I received the stares from older women, heard the comments from younger men, and dealt with my own share of embarrassing issues like, "Can you give this to your dad?" I would respond politely, "He's not my dad." As a result of my dating experiences, I have penned a book about this subject entitled, He's Not My Dad by Nicholl McGuire which will be available online winter 2009.

Am I proud about my past dating life? Not really, simply because I don't think it should have to take so long and so many to find someone compatible. I personally believe if you know what you want early on in life (and your needs are not impossible to meet,) take good care of self and finances, set boundaries prior to dating, and have a supportive team of people around you who have morals, you can't go wrong. I unfortunately made a lot of mistakes in all of these areas. That is why I feel the need to give back to humanity for every heart I broke, for the continuous healing I need for my heart that others wounded, and most of all to help young people keep from falling in the same traps I fell into during my early 20s. For more about my struggles and how I overcame, order my books on

In closing, I would like to add I did learn a lot from older men. Here is a bit of wisdom you may want to think about:

I learned with older men everything that glitters isn't gold.
Just because he is older doesn't make him smarter.

I realized many men play games regardless of the age and usually one popular game involves juggling more than one woman sometimes there can be as many as four or five.

I found when you love yourself, you send a powerful message that you can't be played.

I noticed an older man's family members or friends usually make your welcome into the inner circle hard because many are unfortunately jealous of your youth, beauty and the way you make him feel.

Lastly, confidence is supreme and when you exhibit it without forcing it, or trying to be something you are not, respect soon follows.

Other articles by this author about older men and younger women:

What to Expect When Dating an Older Man

Daddy's Love and Your Man's Love

Dating Older Men: What Does Everyone Really Think?

Ever wonder what you, your mate and others really think of the younger woman with the older man? Putting aside everything you have been told or what you have seen when it comes to relationships like this, could you sincerely be honest, fair, and even encouraging when it comes to dating an older or younger partner or befriending this type of couple? Depending on your age, how secure you are about yourself and your own relationship, and dating experiences will determine how you truly feel about a younger woman dating an older man.

You may be the younger woman curious about dating an older man or you may be the older man interested in dating a younger woman. Then again, you may not be either but just a concerned relative or friend. Whatever your reason for seeking additional information about younger women and older men, know that you aren't alone in the way you feel. There are plenty of couples who either privately or publicly struggle with some issues as they come up and the more knowledge you have about the subject, the more comfortable you will feel about talking to an older man and younger woman. In addition, you will feel confident interacting with family members and friends with your older or younger companion by your side and/ or teaching others about your dating experiences. There are many questions and concerns about this subject of dating younger women and older men. For purposes of this article, we will discuss what some older men, younger women, friends, and family may be thinking about their relationship.

Let's begin with the first. What do young women and older men really think when dating one another? One thought the couple may have relates to the newness of the relationship. For some they have dated an older or younger mate in the past, others have not so it may be more challenging for them. Couples also think about how unique they are from other couples in their circle especially if most of their friends are significantly younger or older. They also find that because of the age differences there are some very interesting subject areas that can be discussed from hobbies to employment. Further, they may talk about challenging topics as they come up such as: short and long term goals, emotions, responsibilities, religion, ethics, and accountability. These subjects are no different than any other couple who may be the same age or closely matched.

A concern that may come up during the dating phase is what does each partner honestly think about the other? For instance, an older man may look at his younger date as being someone very unique from what he is accustomed to dating. He may also notice how energetic, fun or independent she is unlike the women in his own age group. His younger partner may see her older man as intelligent, caring, kind, and mature unlike young men she has dated in the past. Together they may complement one another because they are so different. However, sometimes these differences can get in the way of one another's future plans which unfortunately can lead to arguments and later separation or breakup. For example, let's say his young partner is interested in saving money for her college education while her older partner is more concerned about retirement. They may have differences on what each may find a priority. Without open and honest communication often, most couples whether young or old will come to an end.

The popular question of "what will my friends think" may cross the couple's mind especially with the younger woman. Since friendships are still very important to her, a young woman doesn't want to feel isolated or ridiculed because she is with an older man, so she may either distance herself from her older partner or end the relationship without what seems to be good reasons. Sometimes a new relationship may override old friends and she may grow distant or cut them off altogether particularly if they have been increasingly judgmental. While peer pressure may affect youth, it has no impact on maturity. Her older partner who has already been through that phase in his life may not care what others think. However, there are some older men who do care about his friends' opinions depending on his public involvement. For instance, an older man may cave into the pressure of his older boss, friends, business associates and others for the sake of his reputation. He doesn't want the criticism of others affecting things like: his finances, relationship with his older children, or investments because he is with a younger woman. Sometimes older friends may actually like the idea he is with someone younger if it is bringing out the best in him. They may refer to his younger partner as "sexy, fun or good for you!"

A final concern that the couple may have is what their family thinks. Although family may have been very supportive in the past about the couple's former partners, they may not be so supportive when they see a drastic change in their relative's taste in a man or woman. They may ask, "Why this man? He is just too old for you! Aren't you concerned she might be a gold-digger? Don't you think she is too young?" The family may have forgotten about the times in their past when someone didn't like their mates because they were "too flashy, conceited, rude, arrogant, angry, or irresponsible." When the couple finds that they are being inundated with negativity from family, they may decline invites to holiday celebrations, avoid visiting unless absolutely necessary, attend functions separately, and/or limit what information they share about their relationship. These are all precautions they use to protect their feelings about their mate.

The younger woman and older man may have a great, long-lasting future if they can put aside the comments of well-meaning family members and friends. They may want to evaluate each statement made by people in their circles by looking for signs of hidden jealous, criticism or personal bias.


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