Thursday

Mature Men: Midlife Crisis - What is "Midlife"


Jealous, Insecure Women in Relationships Comparing Themselves to Exs





It's challenging enough dating mature men and then to make matters worse, there are the ex-wives and girlfriends that don't seem to go away along with the unsupportive relatives and friends.  It isn't any wonder why a young woman would have her share of doubts about the relationship. 

Friday

Beyonce and Jay-Z: Young Woman Married to Older Man

When we view celebrities like Beyoncé and Jay-Z in the media, we see an A-list African American couple in an age-gap relationship who are entertainers, successful at what they do, but still people. 

It is obvious that someone, a group or the couple themselves are keeping people interested in reading, writing, and talking about them--it's business.  The more star power, the more money.  However, what we also see is something unfolding that isn't so business related, two human beings evolving and a relationship supposedly coming to an end every other week.  This is particularly interesting since both are not only different in years, but also in the way that they express themselves. 

You can see that Jay-Z is a mid-life male who is not like some of the young rappers/businessmen who wear jeans saggy, decorate themselves in tattoos, and talk much slang.  He is older, more mature, financially secure, and is interested in his family.  But he is just a man.  One who has needs just like his wife. 

Now when the relationship challenges came up in the media, it wasn't any surprise something similar came up prior to their marriage which involved cheating and then showed up again in recent years.  When you live under the media's microscope like they do, you can't afford to mess up.  As a celebrity, you don't move through life's journey without little fan-fare, everyone is watching.  Cheat on your wife or husband and someone will find a way to get the news back to others.  Lie about your whereabouts and the witnesses will report back to the camp especially if they want your wife or husband.  Beyoncé is someone's or group's fantasy--powerful men all want a piece of Beyoncé.  Her beyond sexy dance moves and attire seem to come across as a sells pitch that lures many buyers.  She has big fans out there with large bank accounts that would love to bed her.  She is also a good distraction from worldly events as well.  If a man is paying attention to this young woman's provocative moves (see the old movie Metropolis), he has lost his train of thought when it comes to issues that sincerely matter, but I digress.  Older men, most likely more powerful and older than her husband, want a piece of Beyoncé, she calms them when they view her.

On the other hand Jay-Z and his wife might be growing weary of married life, there is always some grain of truth in rumors.  The husband wasn't always a man who had a reverence for women, according to his past rhymes.  He also wasn't (and still isn't) a model for the family life either and neither is his wife.  They are simply people, not role models.  Sometimes even if individuals want to change their ways, a society who expects them to behave in certain ways (especially when money is involved and their brand is at stake) won't let them change. 

Middle-aged people who have reflected on their past life decision's might do some things differently depending on what they have accomplished thus far and whether they are satisfied with their achievements which also includes family life--there is no separating them when you have them.  The human spirit will always be connected somehow some way no matter who you run off and date or impregnate.  Yet, many aging men become bored or grow weary of the stress of family.  They look for what they think is a more exciting life elsewhere or they desire a more quiet life and move far away from their past. 

Women who are more in love with working than family may never change.  Look how much time and energy Beyoncé's team uses to keep her busy!  These career-focused women might have experienced some negative things growing up or witnessed the ladies in their family go through many trials.  Therefore, they never want to be put in any position where they have to respect, rely, be submissive, or appreciate a man.  Thinking back to how Beyoncé was packaged at the start of her career, an independent woman, she isn't showing any signs of settling down anytime too soon.  Rather she is still encouraging women to work and work and work.  But what happens is that between all of the work, a man is saving much money and doesn't have to work as hard for his family.  A woman's life hasn't become easier, it has only become more demanding.  Many women are dying before men nowadays.

Yet, as we mature, what we used to want/like/need and more in years past, isn't necessarily what we desire today.  The ups and downs of Beyoncé and Jay-Z's relationship have been shared with us through their own songs and you get some idea through media interviews with them and others who know them or know the extended family.  For years, the couple managed to overcome some storms, but the aftermath of some of their issues spilled out on the stage. 

Being in an age gap relationship has its mental and physical challenges, there is no denying these struggles and not everyone can handle them.  Sure, it's nice to be with someone wealthy, charming or beautiful, but there has to be more that one love/likes/appreciates than the superficial or obvious.

The facts show that Beyoncé and Jay-Z lived-together prior to marriage, experienced a miscarriage, had a baby, became close to President Obama and family during his term, and have received special favor as well i.e.) Beyoncé, like Marilyn Monroe, sang before the President and his wife, visited the White House numerous times, and traveled to places that other celebrities may never see in their lifetimes.  The two have written and produced many songs that weren't all positive about their relationship as well as others.

With so much accomplishment and much time away from one another (which invites all kinds of distractions), an older man and a younger woman, regardless of their age and wealth, will not always agree no more than a couple who is also rich and closer in age.  But what is different is the seasons of life and the maturing process that takes place in age-gap relationships.  Age differences can either further widen with each challenge that comes up, or depending on the circumstances, come together through determination to be together come what may. 

Public melt-downs, arguments, illness, cheating, pregnancy, over-spending, and more have changed relationships between celebrities over the years and will continue.  Beyoncé and Jay-Z did well  keeping quiet during media interviews about their age gap relationship, but there is a lot said in a song, a movie choice, a photograph, and a public appearance.  Not that long ago, Beyoncé's sister Solange rang the alarm similar to the anger that Beyoncé showed in her song, "Ring the Alarm."

As much as no one likes for family and friends to get into our personal business, there are times when they are involved because we put them in it.  We conversed with them about our "issues", invited them to our events, attended their functions, assisted them when in trouble and vice versa, and more.  When you are connected to so many, who sincerely care about you, they will notice when your relationship isn't right.  It is a known fact that many African American men can be controlling.  Considering the bad history that the populace has experienced, it isn't any wonder.  Now put an age in years on the man acting controlling, and you will soon discover the people, places and things that influenced him to act bossy and verbally or non-verbally abusive.

When a young woman has sex with an older man and produces a child, that too comes with its share of issues.  Some women experienced great stress during pregnancy and afterward, because a man was ill-equipped to handle, not only his own mid-life challenges, but the mother's changes as well.  Babies face all sorts of health issues depending on how old a parent might be. If there are mental and physical challenges, parents have to face those too.

So if there is anything one takes away from this high profile celebrity couple's age gap relationship, may it be that you look out for the mental and physical issues that arise in your own, address them as soon as you can, don't pretend as if they don't exist, and respect the fact that age does matter sometimes.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

When the Old Man is Tired of the Young Woman

Some women just make older men more tired than they already are.  These men have to contend with their own share of internal issues, but then along comes a younger woman who has a long list of fun things to do, volumes of conversation, a large network of family and friends, and plenty happening in her life.  The older man is not ready for this, yet he convinces himself that he is.  The young lady is excited about the future and glad to be dating someone older that is until...

You might be that guy who is with someone like the young woman described.  But as each day passes by, you are so over the mid-life crisis thing and can bravely admit, "I'm tired.  I just want to relax after work.  Sit on the couch on weekends and enjoy the television."  Absolutely nothing wrong with that if you prefer to be alone or with someone closer to your age who enjoys the same thing.  But if you are going to date younger, you will need to stop hoping the young woman will conform; rather, let her go.

Now saying good-bye to a beauty with a lot of energy is no easy feat, but if you want to live a little while longer without the additional stress of trying to keep up with her say, "Adios!"  Far too many mature men date younger women and make both parties feel miserable, because they want to control the younger woman.  When she wants to fly, the older guy wants to put her back in her cocoon.  When she plans to relocate, get educated, try something new, or break up with him, the mature man figures out a way to lure her back to him.  If she asks for his support, the older, insecure type worries that his money or time will be in vain and that off she will go with someone younger.  This can all be so mentally and physically draining!  In time, the old man is seated on the couch tired of putting up a fight, yet he doesn't want his young partner to leave either.  Go figure!?

So if you are that mature man who has reached a point where you just don't see it benefiting anymore to date younger, but you still want to keep that pretty young thing around, do yourself and her a favor, (since you are supposed to be the wiser of the two) let her be free!

Nicholl McGuire
 

Friday

Message for those in Emotionally & Physically Abusive Relationships


What's Love Got to Do With It? He's a Sugar Daddy

Some rich men take no offense when they are dating women who are with them not because they love them or even find them attractive, but because they have money.  These Sugar Daddies don't see anything wrong with a young gold-digger who is a 10 on the beauty scale wanting a little cash to maintain her expensive appearance.  These Sugar Dads know that she does what she can to appease him in ways that aren't for public eyes.

A young woman who seeks a rich, handsome man does so, because she has needs that men her own age or younger just can't fulfill.  When a man who is established, successful in life, approaches her, she can't help but feel special.  She doesn't mind working out a deal, so to speak, with her wealthy companion.  For those who judge her and her partner's arranged relationship, she doesn't care much.  The caring doesn't come into play until the rich man is no longer holding up his end of the bargain. 

Some women do end up marrying their Sugar Daddys.  They appear to be happy with their lifestyle even if they aren't so content with their husbands. 

Life is difficult and can be even more challenging when there never seems to be enough money to live comfortably.

Nicholl McGuire 

Thursday

Older Guy: 6 Things You Can Do to Keep a Young Woman Interested in You

The mature man will not always hold the top spot in his young date's life when he slacks in how he treats her, becomes lazy about keeping up his body, and overall doesn't care about her.  There will always be a man or two willing to do what he no longer wants to do.  Thanks to the Internet, it is far too easy to emotionally connect with someone in the hopes of meeting him or her offline one day. 

Couples have their work cut out for them if they hope to stay together.  A May-December romance will quickly fizzle out if neither person is willing to do the kind of things that will draw one another close.  So what might an older man do to keep his young beauty on his arm besides buy her things, give her money, and make promises?

1.  Do what you did during the courtship.

You worked to get her, so work to keep her.  What did you do early on in the relationship that made her smile?  What could you do to make her think of how special you are?  How do you remain relevant in her life like a fame-starved celebrity would want to be to his or her fans?

2.  Improve your attire and be sure to smell good.

Most young women do much to make themselves look appealing, so it would make sense that she would want to look at a nice-looking man while smelling a nice odor coming from him.  Yet, there are men who don't care much about smelly breath, under-arms, private areas, or feet and then wonder why she doesn't want to kiss or have sex.  Go figure!?

3.  Exercise.

So many older men feel insecure around younger men simply because they don't bother to work-out and do things that will improve their bodies.  Instead of feeling like your young woman is going to run off with the next man she sees, do something that will make her feel good about having sex with you.

4.  Do things she likes sometimes.

Will it really hurt to give up a personal day, leave a job early, or take a holiday and enjoy time with your woman?  She has told you about an upcoming event, so clear your schedule and go with her.  Your efforts will be remembered and you just might have a woman who will appreciate you because you show how much you care about her and the people and activities that come with her.

5.  Listen rather than advise so much.

Sometimes mature men tend to give far too much advice and not enough of a listening ear or vice versa.  Find the balance when you are in your lady's presence and be open to what she has to say about everything from her job to how she feels about you.

6.  Change routine and offer to include her
.
Never assume that she doesn't want to tag along when you go somewhere especially if you both haven't been spending much time together lately.  There is nothing wrong with doing some things different.  Rather than spend each weekend in front of the television screen, why not drive to a local town and window-shop, take a walk in the park, visit an attraction, take a class, or visit a cool family member or friend you both like.

The more you give, hopefully the more you will get in return.  If you are an older guy who sincerely would like to make things work in your relationship, then sit back, evaluate what you are doing and not doing, and take the time to make changes.  Check in with your lady friend to see how you are doing and share your personal feelings and thoughts on what she can do to help you be the best guy for her.

Nicholl McGuire also shares relationship advice here.
 
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