Charmed into Dating Still Married, Older Guys

They can be incredibly nice, sophisticated, handsome seniors who know how to talk the talk and walk the walk.  It doesn't matter to these guys that they are in troubled marriages, married living separately, getting a divorce or the divorce is still pending, or even happily married, these older Don Juan types know how to talk a young woman's panties off while leaving her wanting for more!

But what about the fact he is married?  And what about all the drama that comes with being involved with married men or is there any?  Some older guys will keep the drama away while they play.  They will tell the wife they are just doing things like:  visiting friends, working late, working out, hanging out with friends, or spending time at a favorite place, but the reality is these married men are seeking either something new in the meantime or a replacement. 

The young woman, who just might be in a miserable relationship of her own, doesn't care much that the older man, who has a way with words, is married, but then again the thought just might cross her mind that to date him is wrong.  Yet, the way the man makes her feel means more than what's right or wrong particularly if she hasn't felt alive with a partner in years!  The broken woman, who is in the process of or has divorced her husband doesn't contemplate too much about the married man's status either especially if he is generous with his money.  Then there are those young women, who like the Don Juan, may have a complicated personal life, but they too would like to play while keeping the drama of current or old boyfriends away.  The charmer studies the one he has charmed to see how strong she is morally before planting seeds of getting together one day.

For some of these married men, who enjoy talking to and sexing young women, they aren't much on thinking too deeply about the future.  They don't bother to think about the many problems that come with being a cheat.  Families are often left destroyed, young women can and will get pregnant eventually, wives might want to reconcile, children misbehave as a result of tension at home, and so on.  Meanwhile, the pretty young woman sits back and listens to the words of someone who just might be her worst nightmare.

If you are being pursued by an unavailable man, play out his personal life in your head based on what he has told you as well as what you can see with your own two eyes before risking possibly your life or his. Some wives just don't take marital vows lightly and may not exhibit self-control if they should find out their husbands are cheating.  Once you know that dating a married man isn't for you, start distancing yourself from him.

Nicholl McGuire


Still Married While Hoping to Divorce

He sits, dreaming that one day he will be free of a wife younger than him yet old enough to know better.  The woman is intelligent, able to see through his mid-life challenges, while sick and tired of dealing with his disrespect.  He desires something a little less smart, a lot younger, and one who fits into a world he most likely once to re-live--the days of high school crushes, irresponsibility, and fun.

But he's married...

Did I say he is married?

He tells the young woman, who makes his heart sing, "I'm married but..."  This should be the end, but for many age-gap relationships, it is not the end.  He promises divorce, says that he isn't in love with the wife, and paints a wonderful picture of what the future might look like with his young princess.

What do you think the young woman might do?

Fall for it.

Nicholl McGuire

Would a 22 Year Old Date an Older Guy and Why?

So many women in their twenties are targets for older, mature men.  Whether he is married, single, or dating many others, the mature, rich man, with a plan, is going to try real hard to get the attention of that nice-looking twenty-something year old woman.  He will start up a simple conversation by making a comment about something she is wearing.  The wealthy, older guy might offer his assistance if he notices that a young woman needs help with something or he may ask questions, in an attempt to get her to open up to him. 

When walking out in public, the mature gentleman might stare at the young lady from a distance hoping that she will take notice of him.  A question might come to mind, would the 22 plus year old woman bother with the graying man with/without facial hair, fit/unfit, handsome or not?  Most likely she will give him a bit of attention especially if he should make her laugh.  Agreeing to date the older man might not be an issue if she knows that he has something more to offer besides flattering statements and a nice smile.  The 22-year-old is looking over the rich man's shoulder at the car he is driving.  She is viewing his wardrobe and looking at his ring finger.  She is also noticing the jewelry he is wearing.  She might take notice of how he smells and whether or not she can stand to look at his face and body shape for long.  The young woman is also looking at the hue of his skin while checking out scars, age marks, and other imperfections along with tattoos while he brags about his haves while luring her into some conversation about her have-nots.  She is determining whether or not she can tolerate listening and looking at the older man for long periods of time.

What might the affluent older man do for the 22 plus year old woman?  He needs to know the answer to that question before he bothers to ask for a date.  Sooner or later a smart, young lady will ask.  Since many young women, who are focused on education and careers, aspire to do wonderful things that will make them feel accomplished, they aren't that interested in a middle-aged man's relatives, children, exes, etc.  Smiles are deceiving.  She is being polite when she is asking about one's personal life, but if she picks up on anything that sounds like work for her, drama that she has to put up with just to be with an older, rich (or poor) man, distractions that might interfere with her career goals/cost of living, or anything more that might potentially affect her plans, she most likely will forget about that nice, older gentleman.  But other young ladies, depending on the impact the older man might have made on them, will take his number-- just in case they need financial help one day, a temporary sex buddy, or a father figure/mentor for a bit of wisdom. 

Most career-driven young women are not interested in marriage and a baby in a carriage until late in life.  Many more are definitely not interested in baby-sitting/looking after or spending money on another woman's children with the older man.  The ones that might put aside life goals and work to assist their older partners are those that are very unhappy with their current or unresolved past situations.  Maybe they have the following challenges: 

-Don't get along with parents.
-Recently broke up with someone.
-Became homeless.
-Found out they are pregnant.
-Have a mental condition.
-Struggle with past issues regarding a father figure or other males or something else that might have occurred in their personal lives to derail dreams.

A young lady just might tolerate the older guy if he acts like her escape from past woes especially if he is stable and secure in his life.  Desperate, young women seek the older men who are weak to helping beautiful damsels in distress.  Sobs, anger outbursts, frequent sighing, or fake laughs over one's troubles is often given early on in the dating relationship (along with much sex) in the hopes that she can secure the successful, older man until the troubled young woman no longer has need of him.

So when it comes to young women dating older men, it all depends on who you ask and what their life issue might be at the time.  Just know that love doesn't come easy.  A spiritually and mentally immature woman who is still learning and growing isn't much interested in love as much as opportunity.

Nicholl McGuire 


Young Women: Guard Your Beauty and Your Youth

As much as we would like to believe that those who seek a companion mean well, there are many in our society that are more concerned about intimate needs being met by an attractive and energetic special someone.  Yet, when you are older, and not as youthful as you once were and not much interested in living life like a youth, why does one bother dating younger?

A young beautiful woman full of life must guard her beauty and her youth from those who are simply dull, boring types who may have once looked fit and attractive and had an interesting life, but not anymore.  If there is one who is wise around the youthful beauty, she should take heed to advice discouraging her not to date someone who is showing signs that he is more interested in stealing her beauty and youth for himself; rather than working to preserve his own.  From keeping the young woman close to him to saying or doing negative things to keep the young woman from experiencing life, some older men have troubled minds void of understanding, empathy or love for another human being.  Controlling, abusive, and downright strange, older men tend to be the ones who prey on content, young women, who might be easily persuaded into having sex in exchange for money and gifts.  

The more these young women give their beauty and energy away to tired, older men who have very little conversation, much less little time for intimacy, the more the twinkle in their eyes diminishes and the laughter, that once charmed their mature men, becomes no more.  Ever wonder why an older man who has a young woman on his arm looks unhappy?  Shouldn't he be grateful to have such a wonderful dame in his presence?  If he is honest with himself, he knows he has no business dating out of his age group especially if she is still discovering things about herself and isn't much knowledgeable about simple day-to-day living.  If the older guy isn't going to do the kind of things to make a young woman stay interested in him, like have a real conversation with her, then he has no business dating or marrying her.  Have you ever noticed the face of a young woman walking with or behind an older man?  Does she look happy and in love like she might be with someone closer to her age?  She may have a few bags in her hand, bought by her older partner, but is she really happy?

Beauty goes away so very quickly, before long the young woman looks at herself in the mirror and asks, "Where has time gone?  Why do I look so worn?"  Meanwhile, next to her in the mirror is an aging man, one who uses the unloved woman as a mere trophy piece to trick society into thinking he is okay with living his life.  Really?

Young women guard your beauty and your youth.  Tired, older men who thought that getting a young woman would complete you, think again!  Joy comes from within.  If you are unhappy with yourself and your life choices, seek your Creator to complete you, not a young woman still full of life!

Nicholl McGuire


Why He Doesn't Keep Any Young Ladies

Some men change women like they do underwear.  No one ever bothers to think, "What's up with this guy? "  They simply go on whatever he tells them about this young woman and that one.  But the truth is, many of these handsome players have problems!  From erection issues to personality disorders, there are some things seen and unseen that are simply wrong with them.  Sometimes there are those young women who just aren't any good to date because they too have issues, but when one sees a mature man frequently dating, never committing, while often blaming, you have to wonder.

I thought of the middle-aged men in my own family who were often paired up with gullible young women.  These pretty dames were indeed a sight for sore eyes and appeared to have their lives together.  They had good jobs, nice residences, reliable transportation, and some money in the bank.  I would think, "What is it about some of my older relatives these young ladies find attractive?"  Once the newness of their relationships wore off, these aging men were exposed for the cheaters and liars that they were.  I say past tense, because many are now deceased.  But I learned, while they lived, that rather than face their personal demons, they ran from them by running into the arms of young women while they re-created a young looking lifestyle. 

The young women were mere distractions in the lives of these miserable, angry men who knew how to act the good guy role in order to get what they wanted.  When things didn't work emotionally or physically in previous relationships, the old was replaced with the new.  These men, who enjoyed acting prideful and boasting about what little they had, believed that an "upgrade...a pretty new face who didn't talk much...a young woman with a job...someone who liked to have sex alot and go places..." is all they needed and they would be okay.  But they were never okay.  Many contracted sexual diseases and many others had grew weary behind closed doors, so I had heard.  Some had mental issues that were never prayed away or dealt with--deep inside they were very unhappy.  

The typical relationship disagreements would show up and my male relatives would show out.  Some young women were left with two black-eyes while others were scarred with bad names on their minds and hearts.  Those that managed to get away before things got too bad, recalled sad times when their past lovers had little, if anything, meaningful to say to them.  My single, older male relatives realized before their deaths that young, attractive women had their own minds nowadays.  They couldn't be easily controlled.  These young ladies weren't afraid to speak up about what bothered them.  This sort of behavior was a deal breaker for some of these troubled, older men in mid-life, who didn't mind spending a few dollars here and there, while expecting money and gifts in return from their young lovers.  These mature men had very little patience and often became easily irritated when the young women in their lives talked too long, shopped too long, and stuck around too long!

As much as many older men would love to look at everyone and everything as being a thorn in their sides, the reality is that these troubled men who spent their lives chasing tail, so to speak, are really angry at themselves for not doing much more with their lives.

Protect the females in your family who seek father figures, show them that all that is older isn't necessarily better.

Nicholl McGuire


The Narcissistic Relationship - Its Not You


Tempted to Strike Back? The Abused Older Guy and His Crazy Young Girlfriend

Young, fiesty, and strong, the young woman hit her older partner for the third time this week.  He cursed at her each time, threatened to beat her down if she hit him again, and so she did and then again and again while kicking him with her high-heel shoes.  The thought of going to jail flashed through the man's mind.  "I'm too old for this," he thought.  His girlfriend got away with being physically abusive yet again.  He waited until she calmed down then asked her to leave.  She yelled, cried, and made promises not to do it again.  The older gentleman was fed up!

No matter how beautiful, talented, or how much you invested in the young woman, no man deserves to be abused!  You might feel ashamed, angry, depressed, or even bitter, but keeping this toxic woman around will only get worse.  Some men, who have suffered abuse like black and blue marks on their faces to bites in undisclosed locations, have kept episodes of abuse silent.  Instead, they drink alcohol or use drugs to numb their pain.  Others will find calmer women to date while keeping the "crazy b#tch" around.

If you are in a bad relationship right now or are attempting to recover from one, there are helpful resources as follows:

1.  Heart to Heart Living Empowering Men
2.  Battered Men: Men's Personal Stories
3.  Hidden Hurt for Men in the UK
4.  Web MD: Help for Battered Men

For more useful websites go here.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains a blog entitled, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, see here.
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Age Gap Challenges