Tuesday

Her Immaturity Wearing Off on You?

You didn't anticipate that the young woman's youthful spirit, energetic demeanor, and other interesting things about her would rub off on you.  But there are those immature sayings, silly expressions, and other annoying things that just don't compliment her well.  In addition, you catch yourself acting like her.

When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc.  Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.

Wednesday

Unattractive But Beautiful...His Words That Is

Oh the seductive sound of a male voice telling you how sweet, sexy and sophisticated you are, young woman!  It makes you feel good, doesn't it?  You love when he tells you how much he enjoys your company, how beautiful you are, how smart...you can't help but be in love with the sound of his inspirational words.  But you have a secret and your girlfriends know what it is, your mom might know, and your dad doesn't want to think about it.  The well-kept secret was your date is just not your type.  He is unattractive.

Now that your secret is out, what are you going to do about it?  I mean he sounds so charming.  He says things that no other man has ever told you.  He makes you feel like you are on top of the world.  You just never heard such wonderful things come out of one's mouth.  Oh, but...we know he's ugly.

This is why you just don't settle young ladies for any man no matter how sweet, adorable or kind he is--you just don't!  You don't make unattractive men think that you are into them, when you know you are not.  You are basically living a lie!  Sure those words these unattractive, older gentlemen say are beautiful, but when you walk with these men in public, who most women wouldn't even think of giving their time much less a second glance, you got to feel confident.  You can't be concerned about what people think of you, a gorgeous 10, with the fat old guy.  Instead, you have to motivate yourself to want to be with him despite his imperfections.  You have to remind yourself you have flaws too.  You tell yourself things like, "It's what's on the inside that matters...I will just have to overlook those things on his face I don't like.  His crooked teeth...big ears.  The fact he doesn't workout.  I have to remember he is older and one day I will be older..."  That's a lot of self-talk in order to maintain a relationship with someone you don't find attractive isn't it?

Save yourself all the mind manipulation and face the facts, you wouldn't give this man the time of day if it wasn't for those sweet things he says to you and his material wealth just might be an added benefit, right?  So if the sales pitch you give yourself becomes a burden and you just can't keep making yourself go out with him, use some beautiful words of your own and start making a slow departure.  It's for the best if looks are that important to you.  Besides think of your future offspring (sigh).  God bless 'em!

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Daddy Issues - Dating Older Men

As much as some of us women would like to avoid a certain topic about dating older men and the connection to our fatherless issues, it is a known fact.  Is there a void that we experience when fathers don't act like they care or want to come around us daughters?  Yes.  Do we feel like we can fill our voids with some attention from older partners?  At times.

When I look back at my dating experiences with older men, I have to shake my head.  Why didn't I see the signs?  Why didn't someone tell me that I was trying to keep myself from having to think about what was really hurting me on the inside?  It was an absent emotional bond with Dad.  He was often too tired to talk, too busy to visit, too angry to be good company, too this or too that! 

I took my frustration out on others.  I became angry, had moments in the past where I drank too much, shook my behind in the club (clothes on--thank God), made stupid decisions, etc.  I argued with my older dates about things they couldn't do for me; at times I hated them for not knowing how I felt. Some days I wished to be with men my own age while I tried to bottle up my tears and act mature, happy...what was going on back then?  A need to want to feel accepted by Dad I suppose.  I wanted to hear that I was okay, appreciated, wasn't ugly, and was going places in life without a "...but you need to...you better..."coming from Dad. 

You see, some of you dads might be wanting that connection to your daughters, but you just aren't getting it because you have no clue what to do and some of you daughters might want the same.  Dad might have thought he did his part when his daughter was younger, but can I tell you, it doesn't stop!  Communication is key to having quality relationships.  A runaway daughter sees her runaway mid-life father pre-occupied with someone, possibly younger than her, who makes him temporarily feel good.  Instead of working to heal a broken bond with his kin, he ignores her and vice versa.  The daughter might be grown, but she wants to know that Daddy loves her.  However, we have to face the truth that some men are incapable of love.  They aren't interested in loving anyone.  They are self-absorbed and see people as servants.  They use and abuse.  These toxic dads we have to grieve and let them go.

So if there is one thing I wanted to leave some of you readers with, is if you have a bond with a daughter maintain it and if you are a daughter stay cool with dad if you can.  Fathers can establish a healthy bond with their daughters by making a phone call sometimes, sending a card in the mail or flowers, or share a message via a loved one (if she isn't speaking to you) "Dad cares."

Nicholl McGuire is the author of the upcoming book, Say Goodbye to Dad.

Tariq Nasheed Older Women, Younger Women


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