You might have noticed a partner isn't acting like he or she is interested in staying in a relationship with you. However, you don't want to assume the worse unless you see the following signs.
1. He/she often complains about the other, to not only family and friends, but strangers too.
Jokes, insults and other statements that make one angry come up all-too-often. One's partner feels like he or she is not liked much less loved. When feelings of upset are mentioned, the offending one acts uncaring and doesn't acknowledge his or her partner's concerns.
2. He/she has feelings of regret having met the other.
"I knew she was too young...I should have listened to my family--he's too old." The thoughts plague one's mind to the point where there are feelings of discontent and regret left behind.
3. There is a disconnect when conversing about important matters.
From topics about one's plans to issues about a job, when the couple talks to one another there is no attempt at making one another feel comfortable and secure in the relationship. Statements like: "I don't get you...You don't understand...why do I bother talking to you..." increasingly come up during discussions.
4. Plans of a future together are discontinued or no longer discussed.
When someone mentions marriage, children, buying a house, moving in together, etc., the couple isn't the least bit interested. They have avoided all communication about being together long-term, if anything, they are planning to break up in the near future.
5. Frequent disputes including threats or violent attacks.
Unforgiveness, bitterness and resentment have taken root. No matter how hard they try, nothing helps. They think about paying one another back for the last incident that left one or both with hurt feelings.
6. Thoughts of cheating increase or has already been done repeatedly.
Everyone else looks better than one's mate. So thoughts of a new relationship with someone else are heavy on the mind if he or she hasn't already begun the process.
7. Lies and cover-ups about one's feelings gradually stop occurring.
The liar or cheat starts getting sloppy with their cover-ups and false story-telling. They are showing no signs of wanting to stay in a relationship.
Once it is confirmed in your mind, body and spirit that your girlfriend or guyfriend isn't interested in you anymore, move on with your life. Save yourself the drama of make-up to break up. When a man or woman is no longer interested in being with one's current partner, things only get worse, they don't get any better no matter how many promises are made.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Last Minute Valentine's Day Gifts for a Young Woman
Most men will show up at a lady friend's door with flowers and candy, this is still a hit with most women. However, what if she has allergies and chocolate isn't her favorite candy? Here are simple, inexpensive gifts to make her smile.
1. Something she has often mentioned and still has yet to buy. For the men who pay close attention to their dates, try getting a few of those inexpensive things and then include a Valentine's Day card mentioning that, "I was listening when you said you needed..."
2. A cute box to hold future clutter with something inside like a decorative picture frame of the two of you is memorable. Include a card.
3. His and hers anything with a note. From a couple of pretty wine glasses to a quality towel set, these items say, "I still believe in our relationship..."
4. Costume jewelry is only good when it does have lots of gold and other paint on it that can easily come off. Look closely for signs of tarnishing. Also, keep in mind, that if she doesn't typically wear beaded items, decorative charms, etc. and has skin allergies, don't take the chance buying cheaply made items.
5. Valentine's day is also a good time to pass on a family heirloom for committed couples--not those who are just getting to know one another.
6. Create a handmade card and include a bottle of perfume that you would like to smell on her.
7. Purchase a gift card to her favorite store, nail or beauty shop.
8. Write a letter and include an I.O.U. coupon promising to take her to an outing, perform a service, or something else since you forgot to plan for the holiday.
Other things include: balloons, stuffed animals, a pretty red or pink shirt, an accessory by a favorite designer, a book of a favorite celebrity, something engraved with her name on it...
Remember, these are items you would give someone you are just getting to know. But women who have been around for years, you will have to do better! Electronics, gold or sterling silver jewelry, birthstones, airplane tickets, money, pay off a bill, help with chores for the day--unexpected things always blow them away!
Have a Happy Valentines Day!
Nicholl McGuire
1. Something she has often mentioned and still has yet to buy. For the men who pay close attention to their dates, try getting a few of those inexpensive things and then include a Valentine's Day card mentioning that, "I was listening when you said you needed..."
2. A cute box to hold future clutter with something inside like a decorative picture frame of the two of you is memorable. Include a card.
3. His and hers anything with a note. From a couple of pretty wine glasses to a quality towel set, these items say, "I still believe in our relationship..."
4. Costume jewelry is only good when it does have lots of gold and other paint on it that can easily come off. Look closely for signs of tarnishing. Also, keep in mind, that if she doesn't typically wear beaded items, decorative charms, etc. and has skin allergies, don't take the chance buying cheaply made items.
5. Valentine's day is also a good time to pass on a family heirloom for committed couples--not those who are just getting to know one another.
6. Create a handmade card and include a bottle of perfume that you would like to smell on her.
7. Purchase a gift card to her favorite store, nail or beauty shop.
8. Write a letter and include an I.O.U. coupon promising to take her to an outing, perform a service, or something else since you forgot to plan for the holiday.
Other things include: balloons, stuffed animals, a pretty red or pink shirt, an accessory by a favorite designer, a book of a favorite celebrity, something engraved with her name on it...
Remember, these are items you would give someone you are just getting to know. But women who have been around for years, you will have to do better! Electronics, gold or sterling silver jewelry, birthstones, airplane tickets, money, pay off a bill, help with chores for the day--unexpected things always blow them away!
Have a Happy Valentines Day!
Nicholl McGuire
How to Date an Older Man
Over 40 plus male interested in a youthful beauty in her 20s, but his eye candy doesn't have a clue on how to date older men. So she acts strangely, distant, and even nervous when he talks to her.
There really isn't anything that different when it comes to dating a man, young or old. Of course, most personalities, social class, political views, appearance, and other things are different, but simple communication is basic. So choose to focus on that rather than everything else that society has bombarded you with.
"What's your name? How are you? What do you like to do? Would you like to go out sometime?" says the older gentleman. His approach isn't complex. The young woman can say, "Yes..." or "No..." real simple, right? Well for some young women, they act as if there is something so different in dating an older man to the point that they worry themselves. While out on a date, it is obvious that some are uncomfortable and lack confidence. One can shake off feelings of worry by talking about the atmosphere, sharing details about interests, and asking questions while smiling and laughing at a joke or two.
Older men who have dated much, know how to put their dates at ease. This is key in having a good time while on a date. They may say something shocking to get a reaction or joke about someone standing nearby. Most know not to stare at their dates as if they want to undress her at the moment or make statements that only make a date want to run and hide. Men who are confident in who they are and really want to make a great impression on their young dates will take it slow. There is no rush to be anywhere. They have made the time to listen to a long story. They enjoy getting to know their young beauties.
Things to consider when dating someone more mature.
1. Don't think of him as someone so important, so smart, and so whatever else that you can't have a simple conversation with him.
2. Forget about what you think you know about him. Ask questions to find out more. "What is your profession? Can it be challenging, how so? Do you hope to do something else in the future? What are some things that you have accomplished in your life that you are most proud of?" These questions and more will open up a quality dialogue.
3. Don't assume he has dated so many sweet, nice, and intelligent women that you are less than acceptable to date someone of his social class or age. Think: if he had so much success with women why is he still single? He is flawed like you, so be prepared for anything.
4. Don't say "Yes" when you really mean "No." Before you date anyone, you should already have personal boundaries established. Tell yourself, "I don't know this person well enough to kiss, have sex, commit to a relationship, etc." This way you won't be caught off guard if he should attempt to persuade you to go to bed with him. Also, don't say "Yes" to impress when you know nothing about a topic, a certain food, a location, etc. He will find out eventually that you are lying.
5. Talk about things that matter to you and watch his reaction. Players will digress from serious topics. They are more concerned about getting physical needs met and not how you feel about your job, family, and other important things.
6. From a restaurant to a private spot to make-out, avoid going anywhere you don't feel comfortable. The skill level of gaining a woman's trust is very good with a mature man, so good, that a young, gullible woman just might fall for anything. So when in doubt, don't continue to go out.
7. Stay away from conversation about your past boyfriends, jokes about mid-life, and things you know that if he was to bring up certain topics you might be offended.
The more knowledge you have about mature gentlemen, the better! You will find that one's worries about dating someone older were unnecessary. Tell yourself, "I am good enough to date any man of status. I am intelligent, beautiful, and am going places in life. I'm just as interesting, if not more, than my date. I deserve to be heard." Stating positive affirmations before going out on a date while viewing one's self in the mirror are empowering!
Have a great time!
Nicholl McGuire writes more tips on dating here.
There really isn't anything that different when it comes to dating a man, young or old. Of course, most personalities, social class, political views, appearance, and other things are different, but simple communication is basic. So choose to focus on that rather than everything else that society has bombarded you with.
"What's your name? How are you? What do you like to do? Would you like to go out sometime?" says the older gentleman. His approach isn't complex. The young woman can say, "Yes..." or "No..." real simple, right? Well for some young women, they act as if there is something so different in dating an older man to the point that they worry themselves. While out on a date, it is obvious that some are uncomfortable and lack confidence. One can shake off feelings of worry by talking about the atmosphere, sharing details about interests, and asking questions while smiling and laughing at a joke or two.
Older men who have dated much, know how to put their dates at ease. This is key in having a good time while on a date. They may say something shocking to get a reaction or joke about someone standing nearby. Most know not to stare at their dates as if they want to undress her at the moment or make statements that only make a date want to run and hide. Men who are confident in who they are and really want to make a great impression on their young dates will take it slow. There is no rush to be anywhere. They have made the time to listen to a long story. They enjoy getting to know their young beauties.
Things to consider when dating someone more mature.
1. Don't think of him as someone so important, so smart, and so whatever else that you can't have a simple conversation with him.
2. Forget about what you think you know about him. Ask questions to find out more. "What is your profession? Can it be challenging, how so? Do you hope to do something else in the future? What are some things that you have accomplished in your life that you are most proud of?" These questions and more will open up a quality dialogue.
3. Don't assume he has dated so many sweet, nice, and intelligent women that you are less than acceptable to date someone of his social class or age. Think: if he had so much success with women why is he still single? He is flawed like you, so be prepared for anything.
4. Don't say "Yes" when you really mean "No." Before you date anyone, you should already have personal boundaries established. Tell yourself, "I don't know this person well enough to kiss, have sex, commit to a relationship, etc." This way you won't be caught off guard if he should attempt to persuade you to go to bed with him. Also, don't say "Yes" to impress when you know nothing about a topic, a certain food, a location, etc. He will find out eventually that you are lying.
5. Talk about things that matter to you and watch his reaction. Players will digress from serious topics. They are more concerned about getting physical needs met and not how you feel about your job, family, and other important things.
6. From a restaurant to a private spot to make-out, avoid going anywhere you don't feel comfortable. The skill level of gaining a woman's trust is very good with a mature man, so good, that a young, gullible woman just might fall for anything. So when in doubt, don't continue to go out.
7. Stay away from conversation about your past boyfriends, jokes about mid-life, and things you know that if he was to bring up certain topics you might be offended.
The more knowledge you have about mature gentlemen, the better! You will find that one's worries about dating someone older were unnecessary. Tell yourself, "I am good enough to date any man of status. I am intelligent, beautiful, and am going places in life. I'm just as interesting, if not more, than my date. I deserve to be heard." Stating positive affirmations before going out on a date while viewing one's self in the mirror are empowering!
Have a great time!
Nicholl McGuire writes more tips on dating here.
Thursday
His Wife Ended the Relationship for Good Reason - He's Far from Perfect
"That is just so wrong what she did to you...you are a good guy...well, that's okay, I'm not like her," says the young woman who doesn't know any better. She believes that because she is in the middle-aged man's life that all will be okay, but will it? Rather than be critical or assume falsely she was a bad ex, a wise young woman would ask herself, "What did the ex-husband do to drive the poor woman insane?" Then she would be observant of everything the man is doing and saying to her and others while making a determination whether or not she could tolerate her lover in the long-term.
The ex-wife (or wives) drove him out the family home for reasons beyond what those closest to the former couple knows. She signed the divorce papers with good cause. There was something wrong, terribly wrong with the man she once fell in love with and she could no longer subject herself to her former husband's abusive ways. Abuse comes in many forms besides physical--a person can only put up with so much before the mind and body beg to be rid of The Problem.
Often the talk of male midlife crisis comes up when an older man dates a younger woman, but what rarely is mentioned in troubled relationships is personality disorders. You may have welcomed a broken man into your life who has yet to unveil his true colors. From bipolar disorder to schizophrenia, there are many 40 plus men with mental issues, in addition to male midlife challenges, that are too complex to deal with for an ex-wife much less a young lover. These men may have even stumped a few doctors over the years with all their problems.
Sometimes young women will speculate on how and why things ended in their mate's last relationship based on what he says. However, as she learns more about his past, she discovers that there was really more to her lover's reasons for the break up than what he cared to mention.
Personality disorders aren't to be taken lightly. They can't be dismissed when they manifest themselves under great stress then stick around a lot longer than expected. Men tend to do many unorthodox things when they can't get a grip on what is happening on the inside of their mind, body and spirit and aren't much interested in getting necessary help. What's worse, busy people, with full schedules, don't see the signs a relative or friend is indeed falling apart. Others choose to ignore these troubled males, because they don't want to take on yet another burden. They say, "He will be okay...I will just pray about...I hope he doesn't hurt anyone. Maybe he will break up with his new lady friend before she learns how he truly is."
The menopausal wife who decided to give her ex the walking papers decided to deal with her own issues apart from a troubled husband. She refused to keep assisting someone who may have hurt her very badly all the while refusing to change.
The young woman might want to think twice about her older date's history before committing. If she should make a rash decision, she may learn later that she indeed bit off more than she could chew. If one reading this has mental issues, be honest with your partner, take necessary medications/vitamin supplements and don't expect someone to be the cure all for your emotional and hormonal issues.
For others dating older, pay attention to signs that an older man has a personality disorder by doing things like:
1. Watching the way he looks at you. Does his stare make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you want to get out of his presence?
2. Do you fight with thoughts inside your mind of staying with him or breaking up?
3. Do you often find yourself being blamed by him for things you didn't think or do?
4. Does he frequently put words in your mouth or twist your communication?
5. Is he controlling and forbids you to go places or see certain people?
6. Does he fight with you about things that shouldn't matter much like a simple statement or comment to help him?
7. Does he have subtle or bold quirks about him or strange mannerisms that others would say, "There's something not quite right with him."
Anger outbursts, silent treatment, pressure that keeps you tensed/emotional, false accusations, sneaky or unexplainable behavior, sexual problems, and frequent lying are all signs that there is definitely something wrong with a friend.
Nicholl McGuire
The ex-wife (or wives) drove him out the family home for reasons beyond what those closest to the former couple knows. She signed the divorce papers with good cause. There was something wrong, terribly wrong with the man she once fell in love with and she could no longer subject herself to her former husband's abusive ways. Abuse comes in many forms besides physical--a person can only put up with so much before the mind and body beg to be rid of The Problem.
Often the talk of male midlife crisis comes up when an older man dates a younger woman, but what rarely is mentioned in troubled relationships is personality disorders. You may have welcomed a broken man into your life who has yet to unveil his true colors. From bipolar disorder to schizophrenia, there are many 40 plus men with mental issues, in addition to male midlife challenges, that are too complex to deal with for an ex-wife much less a young lover. These men may have even stumped a few doctors over the years with all their problems.
Sometimes young women will speculate on how and why things ended in their mate's last relationship based on what he says. However, as she learns more about his past, she discovers that there was really more to her lover's reasons for the break up than what he cared to mention.
Personality disorders aren't to be taken lightly. They can't be dismissed when they manifest themselves under great stress then stick around a lot longer than expected. Men tend to do many unorthodox things when they can't get a grip on what is happening on the inside of their mind, body and spirit and aren't much interested in getting necessary help. What's worse, busy people, with full schedules, don't see the signs a relative or friend is indeed falling apart. Others choose to ignore these troubled males, because they don't want to take on yet another burden. They say, "He will be okay...I will just pray about...I hope he doesn't hurt anyone. Maybe he will break up with his new lady friend before she learns how he truly is."
The menopausal wife who decided to give her ex the walking papers decided to deal with her own issues apart from a troubled husband. She refused to keep assisting someone who may have hurt her very badly all the while refusing to change.
The young woman might want to think twice about her older date's history before committing. If she should make a rash decision, she may learn later that she indeed bit off more than she could chew. If one reading this has mental issues, be honest with your partner, take necessary medications/vitamin supplements and don't expect someone to be the cure all for your emotional and hormonal issues.
For others dating older, pay attention to signs that an older man has a personality disorder by doing things like:
1. Watching the way he looks at you. Does his stare make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you want to get out of his presence?
2. Do you fight with thoughts inside your mind of staying with him or breaking up?
3. Do you often find yourself being blamed by him for things you didn't think or do?
4. Does he frequently put words in your mouth or twist your communication?
5. Is he controlling and forbids you to go places or see certain people?
6. Does he fight with you about things that shouldn't matter much like a simple statement or comment to help him?
7. Does he have subtle or bold quirks about him or strange mannerisms that others would say, "There's something not quite right with him."
Anger outbursts, silent treatment, pressure that keeps you tensed/emotional, false accusations, sneaky or unexplainable behavior, sexual problems, and frequent lying are all signs that there is definitely something wrong with a friend.
Nicholl McGuire
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