Friday

You Don't Need a Husband, You Want a Temporary Lover

Young women everywhere consider this question, "Do I want or need a husband?"  There is a difference between wanting and needing.  A want is simply thinking about having something, but there is no pressing need to get it.  "I want a Mercedes Benz, but I could live without it," says a fan.  But her friend says, "Well, I need to get one, because my dad and I are in business together and we have to make a statement when we pass by observers.  Besides, I hear they are good road cars and we will be traveling a lot."  So you see the difference between wanting and needing.  When it comes to men, like cars, there are those you need and others you just want.

There might be women in your circle pressuring you into thinking you need to consider getting married, while all you really want is a temporary friend with benefits.  Of course, church-goers frown on the latter.   However, being that we live in a world that appears to celebrate all things immoral, it isn't any wonder why many women opt out of a potential marriage and prefer singleness.  In addition, when you are a woman, who has it all ie.) material wealth, children from a previous relationship, good friends, etc., what good is a man other than for periodic sex anyway?  This is how some women think and men know it, so they are careful not to fall in love with the "I have it all" types.  Yet, what tends to happen over time is a woman starts wanting a serious relationship with a man who she has convinced for years she doesn't want as a husband, how might you think he will react?  "Marriage?  Uh.  I thought you didn't want anything serious?" he questions.

Be certain of your feelings, what you hope to give and take from a relationship, and why you may or may not be interested in a long-term commitment.  Communicate your thoughts to your future husband or temporary lover. 

Nicholl is the Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
October is Domestic Violence Awareness
http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Wednesday

Health Issues, Ex Dilemmas, Unsupportive Children: Younger Woman Is He Worth It?

They tell you, " You are so young, why bother with that old man?"  You think to yourself, "Yeah, why?"  If you are thinking like this, then chances are this man is no longer worth your time young woman.  "There is so much life ahead of you," they say.  "They" (mom, dad, sister, brother, cousin, friends, etc.) don't lie when it comes to wanting you happy.  Whay are you with him?  There is, if you plan well, someone out there for you who wants marriage, children, and no additional baggage (like children from a previous relationship, a jealous ex, and unresolved issues on the job or with friends).  You just have to be patient and discerning.  Why be that depressed, young woman on this older man's arm faking smiles (and for some young women, orgasms too with a man who obviously doesn't turn you on anymore, if ever).

Let's just be honest, some men (and women too) just don't see their flaws or their personal dramas.  If they do, they ignore them and hope that the person they are with will ignore them too.  But how long will you look the other way when his soldier isn't standing erect, his children are being disrespectful or when he is often tired when you are ready to do anything but watch TV for leisure every weekend!  There is something wrong when an older man doesn't appreciate or act interested in a woman who is young, sexy, energetic, caring, and intelligent.  If all he can see and complain about is say:  her annoying friend, her interests in her family, the way she organizes the house, or some odd thing she does with her eyes, then you have to wonder what kind of man is he. A perfectionist, controlling, stubborn, or just weird?

Yes, young woman, you who happened to come across this blog, could have someone more compatible.  But for some of you, you keep your old man around like he does an old lazy boy chair, he's comfortable--that's right, comfortable.  He may look worn, tired and may have a few things wrong with him, but he is still comfortable to sit or lay on.  You just don't have the courage nor desire to trade him for a new one.  The signs are all around you, "Get a new chair!  Here's a quality one, better than the one you got...come get me!"  the new, improved chair just screams, "I'm here. I can do a good job too!"  But what do some young women do, look for reasons to keep their old chairs like their old men around until they have simply had enough!  "I am tired of your lazy, old behind...can't you do more for me besides sit there and do nothing!  Why do I still see the stains of exs, children and your health issues years later!  What the X%$# have I got myself into?"  the disgruntled younger woman yells.

When she has made up her mind (and one day she will) and sees that the old dog just won't do any new tricks with her (and only her), she will leave sooner or later.  Pray for yourself or if you know someone in a relationship like this, pray for her.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of When Mothers Cry 

Thursday

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

Here's a good example why you should do more observing and less talking when you date a rich, older man, you might learn a thing or two like his lifestyle is incompatible with yours.

Young Bride Divorced Rich Old Man Because She Can’t Keep Up

When Dating Bubbly, Talkative Young Women Just Isn’t Working for You


They are youthful, exciting and have a lot to talk about, young women who laugh more than they cry can make any man fall head over heels in love with them.  But when you are a self-centered mature man, settled—caught up in routines, in time, you will be annoyed with all the energy that some young women bring to the relationship.

At first it doesn’t seem to bother you, her smiling often, but over time you find yourself starting to feel uneasy.  You begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you or maybe with her.  “Can someone be this happy all the time?”  Rather, you should be asking, “Why am I so cranky?”  The young bubbly woman seems so much happier and optimistic about the future, but you, not so much.  

Casting all doubt aside and unresolved issues of the past, face it, you just might not be her type.  Why force a round peg into a square hole?  But what do some mature men do?  Try too hard to impress in the beginning of the relationship only to later become weary and unemotional toward a younger woman’s advances, requests and desire to be heard.  “It’s not her, it’s me…” he should be telling himself.  But years of playing the blame game skews his vision and all he sees is that wide smile that he can’t muster on his face asking him to, “Try this…Why don’t we go there…What’s wrong?” while hearing her irksome laughter in his head. 

Some men just shouldn’t waste a young woman’s time.  Think: she has her life ahead.  Why slow her down with unnecessary requests to get her to change who she is?  “Do you have to talk so much, honey?  Are you always like this so cheery?  I wish I had your energy…” he says.  So she likes to go, go, go and giggle, giggle, giggle.  Isn’t that what you liked about her?  Why expect her to be anything different?  Maybe you use to be young and fun once, but these days that just isn’t you.  Why not be the bigger person and end the relationship so that you can find someone with less energy, you know someone more like yourself.  Don’t worry over making her cry.  Besides, she might be thinking, “He is such a grumpy man.  Wonder how I can get out of this one?”  

There are those men who just don’t get it when it comes to dating younger women, one size (personality) doesn’t fit all.  No matter how many relatives, friends, co-workers, talk shows, articles, and more that are out there that scream at you, “Stay away from younger women, you are no match for them” some men will try to date them anyway.  Men, who just aren’t out-going and don’t like to do much but work and periodically have sex should stick to their own age group or alone especially if the slightest remark, question, or joke bothers them.  Most menopausal single women get it, that’s why some prefer to be alone.  They avoid both young and older men.  “It’s just too much work to date,” some say.  

Far too many young women have had their poor hearts broken waiting for some mature men to get their act together.  They sold them a good sales pitch in the beginning of the dating relationship only to let these women down, shame on them!  Unfortunately, some of these young women overlooked the old adage which says, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks” too!
When you know you have a long pattern of reckless dating and many stories that include phrases such as:  “I didn’t like…couldn’t get along…wish things were different…” it’s time to take that pause in one’s life and ask yourself this question, “What the #$%^ am I doing?”  I’m sure the women your own age were thinking the same thing.

Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Young Women: Don't Prostitute Yourself to be with a Mature Man, Men Don't Pay a Young Woman for Sex

Some women strategically plan to be with certain men because of their wealth.  Unfortunately, they put their selves in a similar position of a prostitute.  Listen to this audio and be enlightened.

Prostitution Bible Study & Commentary - YouTube

Wednesday

11 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Is Awesome - The Frisky

I thought why not put up another article that talks about why dating an older men is awesome!  If someone is feeling down about his age, maybe this young lady will perk you up (take your mind out the gutter!--LOL)

11 Reasons Why Dating An Older Man Is Awesome - The Frisky

Six Problems With Dating Older Men | Clutch Magazine

You've got to love articles that get straight to the point like the following one.  I must admit, I laughed at this one, because I could relate.  Thank God, all older men aren't like the ones this writer describes.  Click here: Six Problems With Dating Older Men | Clutch Magazine

Tuesday

Younger Guy Wanted to Know, Why You Dating Old Men?

If you are a younger woman, you may have been asked, "Why do you like dating older men?"  by guys or gals about your age and younger.  How do you answer such a question or do you even bother?  Whether it is your personal preference, that's all you seem to attract, or simply maturity, your choice not theirs.  I came across one website that attempts to answer this question. Read here.

Monday

What Some People Say About Men with Younger Women


You don’t mean to stare at the unusual pair walking by, but you do.  Yet, when you are the one in a peculiar relationship, you are wondering, “Why does it seem like everyone is looking at my date and I?”  Then you think, “What could they be thinking?”  Sometimes people aren’t really concerned about what others are doing.  But there are those, who love to people watch and they are thinking the ever-popular question, “What is she doing with him?” among other things.

“She is only with him for the money.”

You knew this statement was coming and if you are the one with the money you might be thinking, “Well is she?”  Discuss the issue amongst yourselves, but definitely don’t allow others to talk about it with you.  Most often people who are already receiving money from the mature partner will raise the red flag on the relationship, because they fear that they will no longer receive any money now that the mature partner is seeing this younger woman.

“He is too old to be dating someone her age – he’s robbing the cradle.”

Is he really too old or is she too young?  Well to some people maybe this comment is cause for concern, especially if someone skipped out on their marriage, dating a child etc. but if none of which applies to your relationship, why bother responding?

“What do her parents think about her dating someone much older?”

This may be a concern for a few due to personal reasons or because they are concerned the younger partner might not be legal age.  But does it really matter?

“I wouldn’t date someone my son or daughter’s age and definitely not my dad’s.”

As we all know who we choose to date is our personal business.  However, some critics can’t help but comment because they know they don’t have the courage or interest in dating someone younger or older.  Responding to a comment like this is a waste of time.  If you do, you will look immature and the naysayer just might feel good watching you react negatively.  Just ignore this person or better yet get it understood early on, especially if this person is a relative, to exercise a little self-control over their tongue if he or she wants to keep you in his or her life.  

“She must not have a close relationship with her father.”

Some people assume the worse, because they have heard of stories where young women have specifically dated older men because their own fathers didn’t meet their needs.  Maybe this happens for many younger women dating older men, but not all.  If you are a younger woman who doesn’t have a close relationship with your dad and you feel that it is affecting your relationship with your partner, maybe you might want to consider independent counseling, reconnecting with your father if you can, or sitting down with someone who knows him well to get answers to unresolved issues.  If you are the mature partner, you may want to watch for signs that she is in fact using you to fill a role in her life that wasn’t met by her dad.  If so, then you may want to discuss your concerns.

“He is going through a mid-life crisis (andropause) that’s why he is with her.”

Dating younger women is something that many men who have severe symptoms of andropause do, but once again there are exceptions to the rule.  A younger woman will want to observe her mate and watch for signs if she suspects that possibly she is one of many of her older partner’s andropause symptoms. 

“Why do older men always go after younger women?”

This statement is usually said by women who feel insecure, jealous and angered about past issues.  Others are simply curious.  When some younger women hear a comment like this, it might work for or against her self-esteem depending on how committed she is to the relationship.  She may ask the same thing of the older man or wonder what he sees in her.  Her partner will have to say the kind of things to keep her interested and secure in the relationship. 

“I was never interested in dating men my dad’s age or older, that’s crazy!”

Younger people can sometimes be the harshest critics of a relationship between a younger woman and an older man.  Oftentimes those who say this are still very immature, so they couldn’t fathom the thought.  If this comment is stated enough by friends, it might cause a younger woman, who isn’t so sure about dating an older man, to want to break up.

“He probably left his wife and children to be with her.  He will probably go back to the wife once he gets tired of her.”

This comment can really hurt a younger woman’s feelings particularly if she is head over heels in love with her mature mate.  So when she hears this, she might start to wonder if in fact he would get back with an ex.  Hopefully, the man isn’t married, but if he is, you might want to cut your losses early.



Thursday

Special Online Dating Website for Young Women & Mature Men - Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.

Are you over 40 seeking a woman to date that is less than 30?  If so, then you might be interested in visiting Girlsandgentlemen.co.uk.  This site will match up couples who enjoy dating singles who are either younger or older than they.

Participants can choose from singles from all over the world simply by registering.  Membership is free.  Whether you are interested in a rich man or a beautiful woman, this site connects those who can be honest about what they seek in a dating relationship.

No longer do you need to date people your own age while wishing to be with someone much younger or older.  Too often singles settle for dating people they are less than interested in simply because the people they meet live nearby or happen to show more interest in them than others recently.  Seek someone online that will compliment you.

It isn't often that this site refers readers to dating sites, but this one is definitely one that you, who are interested in dating older or younger, will appreciate.  Click here.


Wednesday

When You Date Old School, Expect Old School Treatment

When you date older expect your date to have what you might consider some out-dated principles.  There are still some men in this world who believe that a woman's place is at home with children while the man works.  Men who have a faith in God may expect no sex until marriage.  You will find that some older men do have a way of doing things that isn't modern, youthful or even comprehensible to one who is still learning and growing.

Certain family members won't accept you.

As much as we all would like to be accepted by our partner's relatives, it just won't happen.  There will be those in his family that will not go along just to get along especially if they are Christian or have some other belief system.  Your partner may not see anything wrong with cohabitation, but his mother, sister, brother or someone else will.  He may find that having a child out of wedlock isn't a big deal like it once was, but his family or maybe even yours are giving you a firestorm of criticism.  Sometimes it is your special someone who is the one who is against all things deemed immoral while you are more laid back.  Whatever the issue, you will have to respect his faith, uphold your personal views, as well as consider the opinions of those around you.  It also doesn't hurt to consider what people are saying and why they may be reacting negatively about you and your companion being together.  Sometimes relatives simply don't care what you do, but if you have a faith, ask yourself, "What does my Creator think?"

Friends won't find you have much in common with them.

When there is a significant age difference, you will find it challenging to make friends with his friends.  Some women disdain younger women being with older men, because unfortunately they have had their share of cheating partners and disrespectful young women in their presence.  As much as you would like for friends to accept you and act interested in what you have to say, think about this, "Would you really be interested in associating with people 15 or 20 years younger than you?"


Your mature partner may treat you differently than younger dates.

A relationship that may have started off good, may end up being a terrible choice, because you or your mature lover may have allowed far too many voices to influence the way you see one another.  He may start acting distant as if trying to erase his mistake with picking you.  On the other hand, you may stop calling or coming around him, because you know that he too was a bad choice.  When a couple comes to the realization that they may have bit off more than they can chew (when it comes to building a relationship that lasts,) it is best to get out as soon as you can or seriously consider making changes in the relationship that will help it evolve into a marital commitment.  Otherwise, you wait too long and you will find yourself making more and more mistakes that will be harder and harder to fix.  Even worse, some things we do to others, can never be undone and unfortunately we reap the consequences later despite having prayed about them and sought wise counsel.

Be certain that when you date old school, you know the rules of the old school.

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

Faith & Relationship: Does it Really Matter?

Anyone who has ever been introduced to the God of the Holy Bible or some other faith knows that you have made a life decision to walk a spiritual path.  There is no way that you can date someone, grow closer then think that your faith will have zero impact on your relationship.

If you are one who is still married, but separated, you know that dating someone whether younger, older or in between wouldn't be wise.  At some point in the relationship, your mate is going to want something long lasting with you.  What are you going to tell this person?  "Sure, I want that too, but I'm still married..."  That response will set your intimate relationship so far back that it might not even work out.  What bible-believing young woman or older man is going to stay in love with a person who is still trying to sort out whether or not he or she wants to let go of his or her past, much less want to be married in the future?

It also isn't wise to date any one just because you are lonely.  Spiritual believers who seek relationships are looking for more than just companionship.  Eventually, someone who is really interested in a commitment is going to want to merge names, households, and bodies together in the name of whatever God or gods he or she believes in.

When one is interested in dating one or many people, he or she must realize that someone out there is going to take his or her faith seriously and this person will expect you to live up to your beliefs.  In other words, if you claim to be a believer, you will walk the walk.

Of course, there are those daters who are adulterers, fornicators, backsliders and more who claim they, "Love the Lord...attend church, pray, fast, and read the Bible" but the truth is that God is so removed from their lives because they are living in sin.  These people have double-minds, unstable and desire to appease their flesh, more than their spirits.  Their faith just isn't as important as one might think.  In time, truth is revealed and that young woman or older man who had once been hoodwinked will slowly or rapidly realize that this person is no fit in his or her life.  In a situation like this, age has nothing to do with it, but deceit, backward talk regarding one's faith, and other spiritual revelation has separated the couple.

When a man has reached maturity, he will not pretend to be something he is not.  If he isn't walking with Jesus or some other spiritual being, he will just speak truth.  When a mature, young woman is not interested in a faith, she will just say so.  But immature, immoral and ignorant people will play mind games.  They will act in ways that will tell an observer, "Now this one is nothing more than a hypocrite!"  If the person dating the backslider or unbeliever doesn't see it, the person's family will see the deceitful person a mile away and warn their beloved relative to "leave him alone...he is not right for you...she is an immoral woman...she is immature, silly."

Sometimes it is best just to listen to those people who are dedicated to their faith and wise.  They can help you weed out the good from the bad during your dating phase.  Hopefully, in time, you will meet someone who shares the same faith as you do!  It is a beautiful thing to be with someone who loves your God like you do!

Nicholl McGuire
More inspirational writings at:  http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Thursday

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

If you ever needed an example of what mid-life looks like when someone isn't taking his vitamin supplements, herbal remedies, and a prescription med for his hormones, look no further! She desperately needs a father figure and he definitely wants someone in his life to make him feel like he is 18 once again! When you read the article, you will notice how he talks about his attraction to her like it was an overnight thing that began when she turned 18--not hardly. I will be the first to support any relationship that is healthy and balanced, but this one, it stinks of hormones and dysfunction!

Teacher Leaves Wife, Kids for High School Student | Parenting - Yahoo! Shine

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