Thursday
When an Older Man Becomes Ill : What to Do, What to Say to a Younger Woman
Dating can be complex, especially when health issues arise. If you're an older man dating a younger woman and you discover that you're ill, it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and honesty. Here are some practical tips on what to say to your partner and why it's important to consider her feelings and future.
Communicate Openly
Be Honest About Your Condition: Share your diagnosis and what it means for your health. Avoid sugarcoating the situation; transparency is key. This honesty helps build trust and allows her to understand the reality of your situation.
Express Your Feelings: Let her know how you feel about the relationship and your concerns regarding your health. Sharing your emotions can strengthen your bond and help her process the situation.
Discuss Future Implications: Talk about how your illness might affect your relationship. This includes discussing potential changes in your lifestyle, emotional availability, and any limitations you might face.
Encourage Her Independence
Acknowledge Her Needs: Understand that your partner may have her own needs and aspirations. If your illness limits your ability to participate in activities or provide support, it’s important to recognize that she may need to seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Let Her Decide: It’s vital to give her the space to make her own choices about the relationship. If she feels the need to move on, support her decision. This can be incredibly difficult, but it’s essential for her well-being and future happiness.
Reassure Her: Let her know that you want what’s best for her, even if that means being apart. This reassurance can help alleviate any guilt she may feel about wanting to leave the relationship.
Why It’s Important to Let Her Move On
Emotional Health: Staying in a relationship where one partner is significantly burdened by illness can lead to resentment and emotional strain. Allowing her to move on can be a healthier choice for both of you [1].
Personal Growth: Relationships can be a source of personal growth. If your partner feels she needs to explore life without the constraints of your illness, it can lead to her development and happiness [2].
Avoiding Dependency: It’s important to avoid creating a dynamic where she feels obligated to care for you. This can lead to feelings of resentment and can undermine the foundation of your relationship [3].
Being in an age-gap relationship while facing illness is challenging. By communicating openly and allowing your partner the freedom to make her own choices, you can both find a path that respects your feelings and her future.
Learn more:
Sunday
Still Dating an Older Man... But Not Settling Down with One? Let’s Talk About It.
Let’s unpack it.
1. Emotional Safety Without the Pressure
Older men often come with emotional maturity. They’ve been through enough to know how to handle moods, talk through issues, and not play games. For someone younger who’s tired of situationships and breadcrumb texting, that kind of consistency feels safe.
But safety isn’t always the same as compatibility. A person might keep dating older because it offers peace at the moment, even if they can’t picture building a future with someone who’s decades ahead in life stages.
2. The Mentor Vibe Is Real
Something is intoxicating about someone who knows their way around the world—career-wise, financially, socially. An older man can open doors, give advice, and teach things that a younger partner didn’t even know they needed to learn.
That can create a strong bond. But admiration isn’t the same as alignment. Sometimes, the relationship feels more like a life lesson than a love story.
3. No Need to Grow Up Too Fast
Oddly enough, dating someone older can delay your own need to "grow up." He’s already been through the wedding, the house, the kids—maybe even the divorce. He’s not rushing to do all that again. So the younger partner can float in this no-pressure bubble where no one’s asking, “Where is this going?” every two weeks. But that bubble can burst. Eventually, someone wants more—or less. And if visions of the future don’t match, the clock starts ticking.
4. Power Dynamics Can Be Comforting (Until They’re Not)
When someone’s older, more stable, and more experienced, the power dynamic can feel oddly comforting—like letting someone else drive for a while. It removes some of the pressure. You can lean back and enjoy the ride. But over time, that imbalance can start to itch. It’s hard to build an equal partnership when one person has already lived an entirely different chapter of life.
5. Let’s Be Honest—Sometimes It’s About Resources
Money, lifestyle, connections. These things matter. Especially if the younger partner is still building their own path. Older men often come with less drama and more disposable income—and that can change the dating experience entirely. There’s no shame in that. But it can blur the lines between what’s real and what’s convenient.
6. Not All Older Men Want Forever, Either
It’s not always the younger person avoiding commitment. Some older men are just out here vibing too—recovering from divorce, protecting their peace, or just enjoying the company without long-term plans. That dynamic can work… until someone catches deeper feelings.
At the end of the day, people stay in relationships that give them something even if it’s not everything. Dating an older man doesn’t always mean someone’s looking for a father figure or planning a future with a retiree. Sometimes, it’s just about feeling understood in a world full of noise. But when the reality of different timelines, different values, or different goals starts creeping in, choices have to be made.
Keep it casual? Walk away? Or keep walking the fine line between “this works for now” and “this will never work forever”?
No judgment here—just the truth.
Monday
Exploring Age Gap Relationships: Tips for Older Men Dating Younger Women
Dating can be complex, but age-gap relationships bring their own unique set of challenges and rewards. For older men looking to date younger women, navigating this dynamic requires thoughtful consideration and genuine connection. Here are some valuable tips to help you build a successful relationship while being mindful of the nuances involved.
1. Embrace Open Communication
Open and honest communication is crucial in any relationship, especially in age-gap dynamics. Discuss your expectations, desires, and concerns openly. This ensures both partners feel heard and valued, helping to build a strong foundation of trust.
2. Be Mindful of Life Stages
Recognize that you and your partner may be at different life stages. Younger women might be exploring careers, education, or personal growth, while older men may have established their paths. Understanding these differences can help you support each other’s goals and aspirations.
3. Cultivate Shared Interests
Finding common ground is essential for any relationship. Engage in activities that interest both of you, whether it’s traveling, trying new restaurants, or enjoying cultural experiences. Shared activities can strengthen your bond and create lasting memories.
4. Respect Each Other’s Independence
While it’s important to spend quality time together, respecting each other’s independence is equally vital. Allow your partner the space to maintain friendships and pursue personal interests. This balance fosters a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
5. Address Societal Perceptions
Age-gap relationships can sometimes face scrutiny from friends and family. Be prepared for potential judgments and have open discussions about how to navigate these challenges together. Supporting each other through societal perceptions can strengthen your partnership.
6. Focus on Emotional Connection
While physical attraction is often a key factor in any romance, a deep emotional connection is what sustains a relationship. Invest time in getting to know each other’s thoughts, feelings, and aspirations. This emotional intimacy creates a more profound bond that transcends age.
7. Stay Informed and Educated
Educate yourself about the potential challenges of dating someone significantly younger. Understanding the dynamics can help you navigate your relationship more effectively and prevent misunderstandings.
8. Seek Professional Guidance When Needed
If you encounter serious issues that challenge your relationship, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. While this blog offers general advice, it’s important to consult with a licensed therapist or counselor for personalized guidance. Remember, this blog is not intended for individuals under the age of 18.
Conclusion
Dating across generations can be a rewarding experience filled with personal growth and connection. By embracing open communication, respecting independence, and fostering emotional intimacy, older men can successfully navigate the complexities of dating younger women. Always remember that seeking professional advice is a wise step when facing serious relationship challenges.
Embrace the journey, and enjoy the unique experiences that come with your age-gap relationship!
The Age Gap Relationships Team
Tuesday
Exploring Age Gap Relationships: Concerns, Benefits, and Father-Daughter Bonds
Age gap relationships, also known as May-December romances, are becoming increasingly common in the 21st century. Dating someone who is significantly older than you can come with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. In some cases, families can object to their daughters dating an older man due to safety concerns or potential manipulation.
One of the major reasons why families object to their daughter dating an older man is because of the age gap itself. It can be difficult for a young girl to relate to someone much older than her, and vice versa. This type of relationship can also put the younger partner at risk of manipulation or abuse due to the power imbalance between them.
In addition to safety concerns, some parents feel that it is important for their daughter to have a healthy relationship with her father or a father figure, before entering into an age gap relationship. This can help ensure that the young girl is properly prepared to handle the complexities of an adult relationship without relying on someone who has significantly more life experience than she does.
Statistics show that couples in age gap relationships tend to be happier and last longer than couples in relationships with a smaller age gap. This may be due to the fact that older men have typically had more experience in life, making them better able to handle the complexities of such a relationship.
It’s important for both parents and their daughter to have an open dialogue about age gap relationships when they arise. Acknowledging the potential risks involved, while also understanding the possible benefits can help ensure that any relationship is a healthy one. Ultimately, it’s important for everyone to approach age gap relationships with open minds and an understanding of both sides of the argument.
However, if a daughter does enter into such a relationship, it is important for her to take responsibility for her decisions and be aware of the potential risks. She should assess both partners’ emotional maturity, as well as decide if she is comfortable with the age gap between them. It is also important to remember that such relationships must be consensual in order for it to be healthy and beneficial for all involved.
Age gap relationships can come with their own unique set of challenges but they can also be incredibly rewarding. It is important for families to understand both the potential risks and benefits involved before entering into this type of relationship, so that all parties involved can make an informed decision. With open communication and understanding, age gap relationships can offer a unique opportunity to explore different aspects of life and love.
At the end of the day, it's important for the daughter to make sure that she is making decisions that are in her best interest, and that she feels safe and supported every step of the way. With open communication between all parties involved, it is possible to have a fulfilling age gap relationship.
With this being said, it’s important to remember that no two relationships are the same and that age is just one factor in a successful relationship. What matters most is that both parties are emotionally mature enough to handle the complexities of such a relationship and that there is mutual respect between them. With open communication, understanding, and trust, any two people can have an amazing relationship—regardless of age.
Ultimately, it's important for families and their daughters to understand the potential risks and benefits associated with age gap relationships before entering into one. With open communication, understanding, and making sure that all parties involved are emotionally mature enough to handle such a relationship, it is possible for a fulfilling and rewarding age gap relationship.
This being said, while it can be difficult for families to accept their daughter's decision to enter into an age gap relationship, they must remember to maintain open communication and respect their daughter's autonomy in this matter. Ultimately, it is important that all parties involved acknowledge the potential risks and benefits of such a relationship before entering into it. With mutual understanding and emotional maturity on both sides, any couple can have a fulfilling age gap relationship.
It is also important to remember that any relationship, regardless of the age gap between partners, should be build on mutual trust and respect. With open communication and understanding, all couples have the potential to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship — regardless of the age gap between them.
No matter what type of relationship you enter into, it’s important to remember that communication is key. Both parties must trust and respect each other, while also being open to discussing any potential issues that may arise throughout the course of their relationship. With open communication and understanding, any two people can have an amazing and fulfilling relationship — regardless of age or other factors.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, check it out on Amazon.com
Thursday
Sad Reality: Young Partners Will Lose Interest Over Time
However, his younger partner began to lose interest in him. She told him that her reasons weren't anything to do with his age, but John could tell that it was a big part of it. He was heartbroken that things hadn't worked out, but he knew that it was for the best. He decided to take some time for himself and focus on his own happiness. Age is often a factor when it comes to younger people's choices in relationships and John was grateful that he had realized this before it was too late.
According to a study by the University of Utah, couples with a five-year age difference between them are 18% more likely to divorce than couples who are the same age. Couples with a 10-year age difference are 39% more likely to divorce, while those with a 20-year age difference have a 95% greater chance of divorcing.
So it seems that, yes, age gaps can be associated with increased odds of divorce. However, it's important to keep in mind that these are just statistical averages and there are many happy,long-lasting age gap marriages out there.bIf you're in an age gap relationship and are concerned about the possibility of breaking up, separation, or divorce, simply talk to your partner about it and see how they feel. Chances are, if you're both committed to each other, your age difference won't be an issue.
So why was John choosing to date younger in the first place? There are plenty of reasons why older people date younger people. Here are just a few:
1. They're more energetic. Let's face it, as we get older we tend to slow down a bit. That's why dating someone who is young and full of energy can be such a breath of fresh air.
2. They have a different perspective on life. Younger people are often more open-minded and willing to try new things than those who are older. This can make for some really exciting dates!
3. They're less set in their ways. Older people often have a lot of set ideas about how they want things to be done, a younger person still has a lot to learn about life and tends not to be as rigid.
Midlife can be challenging for anyone. John had to deal with the sadness of his partner no longer being interested in him, while also trying to maintain his own happiness. It's important to focus on self-care during these times and not prey on youthful partners to make one happy. Sometimes you are able to find someone closer to your age with similar interests, attractive and energetic if you are willing to go the extra mile starting with you! Taking the time for self can be rejuvenating and can allow for greater personal growth.
On Dating an Aging Narcissist
As we get older, we often become more set in our ways. We know what we like and what we don't like, and we can be very stubborn about changing our minds. This can be a good thing in many ways, but it can also make us more resistant to new ideas and experiences.
This can be especially true for the narcissist. As they age, narcissists can become even more obsessed with their own image and their need for admiration and attention. They may become more critical and judgmental of others, and less able to see things from another person's perspective.
This can make dating a narcissist a challenge, especially if there is a significant age gap between you. Here are some things to keep in mind if you find yourself in this situation.
1. Don't take what they say personally.
The narcissist's need for admiration and attention is not about you. It's about them. They may try to draw you into their world and make you feel like you are the only one who matters, but ultimately, they matter and only they.
2. Be prepared for manipulation.
Narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to control and manipulate you to get what they want. Be aware of their tactics and don't let yourself be drawn into their web.
3. Set boundaries.
Narcissists often have a sense of entitlement and can be very demanding. It's important to set boundaries with them and stick to them. Otherwise, they will take advantage of you.
4. Don't get drawn into their drama.
Narcissists love drama. They thrive on it. Don't get caught up in their games and don't let them use you as a pawn in their dramas.
5. Be assertive.
Narcissists often try to control and dominate others. It's important to be assertive with them and stand up for yourself. Otherwise, they will walk all over you.
6. Don't take their criticism personally.
Narcissists are quick to criticize and find fault with others. It's important not to take their criticism personally. If you do, you will become defensive, and they will use your defensive reactions to control and manipulate you.
7. Don't try to change them.
Narcissists are who they are, and they are not going to change. Don't waste your time and energy trying to change them. It's a fruitless endeavor.
8. Accept them for who they are.
Narcissists are who they are and there is nothing you can do about it. The best thing you can do is accept them for who they are and try to make the best of the situation or walk away and never look back!
9. Don't try to reason with them.
Narcissists are not reasonable people. They will never see your point of view or understand your logic. Trying to reason with them is also a fruitless effort.
10. Set boundaries and stick to them.
Narcissists will try to push your boundaries. They will test you to see how far they can go. It is important that you set boundaries and stick to them. Otherwise, the narcissist will take advantage of you.
11. Don't take their bait.
As mentioned earlier, narcissists are master manipulators. They will try to bait you into arguments and fights. They will try to get a rise out of you. Don't take the bait! Keep your cool and don't let them control you with their games.
12. Don't try to make them love you.
Narcissists are who they are, and love is not what is on their minds when they are involved with you, rather they are more concerned about how you might benefit them financially and sexually. So, if you think you can somehow buy them everything they want and they will eventually come to love you, that's not happening! You can't buy love especially when a narcissist has no love to give. Don’t waste your time and energy trying to get something from a narcissist that they are incapable of giving. It’s a lost cause.
13. Be prepared for the worst.
Narcissists can be very cruel and abusive. They may say and do things that hurt you deeply. It is important that you be prepared for the worst. Have a support system in place so that you can get help if you need it.
14. You may have to leave.
If the narcissist is being abusive, you may have to leave the relationship. It is important to have a safety plan in place so that you can get out quickly and safely if you need to.
15. It's not your fault.
Narcissists can be very convincing. They may try to make you believe that it is your fault that they are the way they are. It is important to remember that it is not your fault. You did not choose to be in a relationship with a narcissist. You are not responsible for their behavior.
Remember when dating a narcissist, he will be difficult and challenging at times. Second, narcissists age just like everyone else – which means they may become even more difficult to deal with as they get older. Finally, if you are dating a narcissist, it is important to remember that you are not responsible for their behavior. Here are a few more tips on dating an aging narcissist:
Be prepared for difficult conversations. As narcissist ages, they may become even more difficult to deal with. This means that you need to be prepared for challenging conversations. Be patient and try to understand where they are coming from, even if it is frustrating.
Take care of yourself first. It is important to remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist’s behavior. This means that you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. Make sure to set boundaries and stick to them.
Seek help if needed. If you find yourself struggling to deal with the narcissist, it is important to seek out help from a professional. This can be vital in helping you to deal with the situation in a healthy way.
Wednesday
So Who's the Old Guy? Personal Experience Dating Older Men
I was that relative showing up at
the holiday event with the old guy, seen walking with the old guy, and at the
club with the old guy years ago. So, the family didn't like that too
much. "Why are you with that older man? You are too young for
him. What do you see in him? What does he see in you? Oh, you
got daddy issues!" Wow! Thanks so much fam, for the
support!
It wasn't that the old guy or
guys (there was more than one) were seniors who were leaned over in walkers,
farting, and scratching their rears! They were in their 40s (one in his
50s), professionals, dressed well, and had all their senses about them. I
was in my 20s at the time and yes, a head-turner.
I liked dating those guys, I
liked their presence, the way they moved. They were mature, kind,
generous, and took their time about things. They weren't in a rush to do
everything under the sun, they weren't silly men, and they weren't ugly.
They were friendly and I liked friendly. I talked to just about anyone at
that time in my life. I like good conversation, so hey, they were around,
I was around and so let's get the party started! But that was then....
What have I learned since then
when one brings the old guy here there and everywhere? Your family has a
point. You weren't expecting that, huh? Do you really know the older
guy and what exactly he wants with you? Do you truly understand what
might the future hold if you should get pregnant, get married, and how deep the
rabbit hole goes with his past? Can you handle all of what comes with him
or many hims in your 20s? Looking back, had those men not shielded me
from their demons, the answer would be, "No!" They gave me the
g-rated version of themselves because simply put, they were involved with me
for a good time. I wasn't the future. I was in the meantime.
Let me say that again, in the meantime!
What I discovered in our talks
was that there was a wife, a mistress, ex-girlfriends, and women who had been
in their lives who had only wanted friendship and so those ladies got away
without giving them a single kiss. I would later discover for good
reasons. Those friendly, older men didn't want to be faithful, they
didn't want to spend money, they didn't want children, they didn't want to be
honest with themselves much less anyone else, they didn't want to be going
places, all they really wanted was a "I want it now"
experience!
Well, I was in my 20s (young, dumb,
and full of...) and I too just wanted an "in the meantime"
experience, because the truth was, I really didn't know exactly what I wanted
in a relationship. It just seemed fun shrouding my mind with mystery
about Bobby, Ronnie, Ricky, and Mike--lol and I didn’t think I was
"Poison" at the time. I mean that
girl might be “poison,” because you couldn't get the upper hand on her and you
and the crew couldn’t do her, but I digress.
I just liked being in the
moment and guessing what was behind door number 3 back in the 90s when issues
with these "old fools" would arise as my family would put it.
Ignoring all red flag warning signs, operating on cruise control, I saw that
their traffic was showing up in my life, uh oh, turn off cruise control to
avoid a wreck! My turning off cruise control was just not calling back,
no longer accepting invites, declining gifts, and moving on to the next one who
might be better than the last.
I wasn't interested in learning
the answer to "why" I dated older in my youth, I just liked doing it
until I didn't. I started connecting the dots much later in life.
Since then, I wrote Say
Goodbye to Dad, Laboring
to Love an Abusive Mate, Socially
Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, and Laboring
to Love Myself for good reasons. I began to connect with my
spiritual self and realized the importance of having a faith and why it is
crucial early on in life to maintain it so that one isn't here, there, and
everywhere--no matter the age!
So, who really was the old guy or
guys who were either invited or randomly showing up in my life? They were
extensions of an old me, who wanted to become a new me, but wasn't quite sure
how to go about it between all the distractions.
Upon closer inspection of these
older men and what they had going on or not, they represented what I wanted for
me! I wanted a car back then, but I had no driver's license, so they were
all-too willing to drive me. But that's not what I needed--I needed a
teacher. I wanted money, lots of it, and they were willing to buy me a
dinner here and a movie ticket there, but they weren't going to pay my
bills. What I needed was a career coach. They were creative and
some were handy. Nice compliments to my lifestyle, but it didn't hurt to
learn a trade or two so I could fix my own stuff.
A couple of older men already
had families that they were supposedly responsible for (so why be out in those
streets)? I didn't need to involve myself in their family dramas, I just
needed to continue to read about marriage and family in the quiet of my
place.
You see, the dating older, at
least for me, was much deeper than it appeared to be. I hadn't put it
altogether at that time in my life because I simply didn't know what was
happening with me or them. Then I also learned they were having a
mid-life crisis even though they wouldn't dare say so. They were still
trying to figure out what they wanted at that time in their lives; oftentimes
they weren't all that happy about where they were in life. I was somehow
a vision/fantasy/a goal of what they had yet to accomplish in life or in some
cases they had not come to terms with their youthful passions were officially over.
My youth was still very much
alive and thriving and that’s what those older guys back then wanted for
themselves again. One said, "I made him feel alive
again..." Another one said, "I feel like I am back in high
school again." Another guy said, "I'll leave my wife for
you!" What!? My energy was what they remembered from
yesteryear. My drive to win at whatever I was doing professionally made
them feel like they could do some things differently in their lives including a
few pursuing other careers and making more money based on my suggestions.
They lived vicariously through me when I performed (I had my own poetry group
and I acted part-time). I talked about what my next moves were back in
college including moving out of state to pursue a career in journalism, and why
I enjoyed what I did at the time. So, I was not only "cute, beautiful,
gorgeous, energetic, fun, cool to be around," they would say, but I had a
lot going on in my young life.
So, the next time you or
someone you know starts that conversation with, "Who's the old guy?"
Just say, "He's a part of me in the meantime." If they don't
get it, no need to explain. Looking back at young me and giving her a bit of advice,
I wouldn't say why are you dating these old guys, rather I would say,
"Let's get this guy to either teach you how to drive or pay for
lessons. Let's get that other guy to hook you up with some names and
numbers to help you get a better job. And your other friend, well girlfriend,
don't continue to befriend him, he already got what you are trying to get one
day, marriage and family. Don’t waste
your time with people seeking vain pursuits!"
When you discover that the old
guy is you, it's time to rediscover who exactly you want to become by putting
off the old guy and putting on the new you!
Nicholl McGuire is the owner
and contributor to this blog. Learn more here.
Friday
The Wise Older Men Who will Not be Played by Youth and Beauty
Around the globe, there are many older men, whether immature or not, who date younger women, but for the wise man, he is not like other men, who may be older by number, yet still have much growing up to do.
Experienced and mature, the older, single man refuses to be misled by a wayward young woman who knows little about him or respects his life experiences. The unwise and immature woman assumes she knows him, because her father, uncle, male co-worker and ex-boyfriend are older. She may have been spoiled or not by the men in her life. She may have envisioned what her ideal younger Mr. Right might be, yet learned the hard way that he simply doesn't exist. She may have a list of 20 plus things she wants from a man, based on her conversations with older women, and still hasn't scored big. The young lady may have deceptive plans to get her needs met by any means necessary.
After learning of a young woman's ill intentions, the mature man will not be so kind, no matter how beautiful. He is aware of the youthful one who fakes interest in him just so that she can fulfill a void or worse get close to his connections, material assets or other more attractive things.
These charming young women, who unfortunately do manipulative things, will eventually "need space, want to break up" when they have had enough of the older man's resistance and wise observations. The mature man just might drive the poor girl out of his life, because he has seen that type before!
When we think of those abusive older men, who were quite cruel, to young women, we may have overlooked their reasons as to why they behaved so harshly. Of course, it is not ever acceptable to abuse anyone, but what might have triggered some abusive older men to behave so disrespectfully with younger women? For some men, they realized that what they did in their youth to others, came back around full circle and they hated their younger partners for it! The idea that someone so beautiful, friendly, and considerate could so easily and effortlessly hurt them is too much too deal with for some disturbed men, so they go off mentally and/or physically! The older men, who are known abusers, are dangerous and will not tolerate younger women lying, stealing, cheating, or doing any other things to hurt them whether justified or not.
Now the more self-controlled older man, wise in his ways, he will be strategic in what he does to learn more about the young woman who he might suspect has her share of motives for agreeing to date him. He will not be so easily charmed into believing that the woman is in like or love with him. He realizes that there is a significant age difference and so with that he will have many questions and would want very much to find out, "Why me? What does she like about me? What does she really want from me?" He has every right to question what is it about this young lady that she is drawn to concerning him especially when most young women wouldn't even look twice at him much less accept his advances.
At the start of the relationship, it will seem too good to be true. That's because it probably is! Whether the young lady knows that she has her share of personal issues or not concerning dating older men, for the logical-minded man, he knows that one day she will awake to a harsh truth, her personal reality, that someone or something was absent in her life and that the older man who is in her life now is there to fulfill that void. For the sake of her beauty, attention and warm affection, the older man, whether wise or not, just might accept his role, but in the back of his mind he knows the truth.
When dating the younger woman, the wise older man is not going to be too concerned about the challenges he faces while dating her, because as a man, most people are not going to approach him with, "Why are you dating her?" They know better. He also knows that he has more life experience so he knows that he can provide some value to her life. What may bother him in time, however, is what can the young woman really do for him? Is she an added benefit to his life or a burden? He may be tempted to "train" her into a role that she may or may not be willing to accept. During the early part of the relationship, she may be resistant to his requests and strategies. Unfortunately, she might view what he is suggesting/advising/arguing about as being controlling.
Many challenges might arise in the May-December romance, but ultimately what is to be learned is that the wise older man is not easily charmed by the youth and beauty of a woman.
Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and contributor and author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues
Saturday
Stay or Breakup - When the Younger or Older Date May Not Want a Relationship Anymore
Sunday
When an Older Partner is Not as Nice-Looking as He Once Was - Stay Positive
The day you, who are much younger, realized your guy was old, maybe a lot older than you, he may have been shocking to view without his beauty aides, but you kept quiet. "Where did time go? What or who had I been looking at all this time?" you might have thought. He could have thought the same about you too (but I digress).
When dating someone older or married to a person decades older, it is very easy to see what you like about him or her when they are still relatively attractive. However, time isn't always kind to everyone especially when we age and now what was once appealing isn't. If your relationship was built on looks, well you might want to start looking for other things you like about that individual other than superficial things as soon as possible. It is only a matter of time that your older partner will notice that you just aren't that into him like you once were.
Appreciate his great personality. This doesn't seem to go anywhere when one is still full of energy despite his looks. Some older people, no matter what the life challenges may be, still manage to thrive. There is still hope for a relationship when the person works to maintain that shimmering personality. So close your eyes and embrace all that positive energy he offers!
Share a zest for life. People who enjoy life, seek all sorts of ways to stay engaged and active. Check to see that your gentleman is doing just that. However, if one is turning into a miserable, older person, who doesn't see anything good from one day to the next, this will not only steal what little youthful look he might still have, but cause you to often dream of running away. Therefore, encourage him to regain his youth, not by living vicariously through you, but enjoying all that life has to offer for himself.
Learn a thing or two about his finances. He works hard and knows how to manage his money or so you hope. He has plans and you just might be a part of those plans in the future--good for you both! Yes, as much as we don't want to look at how much money one makes, it's going to be a challenge when the individual is no longer providing a lavish lifestyle for himself and no one else. You can be a beacon of light by offering suggestions on saving money rather than spending up his money every chance you get (maybe your not like this, but just in case you have been). He may not be that attractive anymore, but he knows that his money might still be. He need not be irresponsible with it to keep you, capice?
Take interest in his hobbies. Anyone who enjoys doing something other than a partner, well that is awesome! So this guy has a hobby that is interesting and you could even be a part of helping with his hobby. If it is reasonable and more, well it doesn't hurt to take interest and ask questions. He just might be impressed.
Work out. So things go downhill on the outside, but they don't have to on the inside! You just might find the mature guy a bit more attractive when you see that body moving weight around or running on the treadmill rather than remaining sedentary for hours. He might even say, "Not only am I doing this for me, but for you, Babe!" How sweet! The gentleman might find you even more attractive because he sees that you care about your body too!
So you see, there is more than meets the eye! You can have a great relationship with a guy who unfortunately is having his share of challenges in the looks department. But when he has all these other wonderful attributes, who cares about looks?
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues. Check online wherever books are sold.
Tuesday
Why You Don't Get Involved with Someone Older, Younger
"She is just too young for you. What do you think is going to happen when you are like 50 and she is like 25?" Life lesson: She isn't that interested in you and thinks you are controlling.
"He is too old for you. Besides think about how old he will be when your child is a teenager?" Life lesson: He parents more like a grandparent--he spoils the child. He doesn't care much what the child does.
"Why would you want to date someone so young? Is it because you just can't seem to find anyone who will put up with your immaturity?" Life lesson: She is so immature. What was I thinking?
"I told you not to get with someone older, now he can't do for you...he is boring and tired!" Life lesson: Looks like you will be taking care of a senior citizen who has now retired from his job.
Those of us, who have dated older for decades and experienced our share of heartache multiple times, most likely wouldn't do it all over again if given the chance. There is a delusion one has that he or she will always be young whether you are the older one or your partner is the younger one wishing you will always look like your younger looking self.
So you go all in, in a new relationship, hoping that it will work this time. He is older, more patient, kind, considerate...than the last one but remember, he is older. She is younger, sweeter, and more attractive than the last one, but she is younger. What the aging process teaches us is what we see today is not what is going to be tomorrow.
The older gentleman may not be as attentive to you like he was in the beginning of the relationship. He may not want to experience intimacy in the way you had envisioned it. He also may not enjoy what you like because he doesn't have the energy like he once did. The younger woman is not going to always be naïve, bubbly, and patient. She also is not going to always be understanding about the older man wanting to "protect" his finances. Her family is going to ask her one day, "What exactly does he want with you? Why are you wasting time with him when there are so many more attractive men your own age out there?"
No one should get involved with someone older or younger for shallow reasons, but they do! You know those reasons like, "She is so mature for her age. He is so mature for his...not like those other guys." Those reasons don't nurture nor sustain the relationship. You have to be involved with someone because you genuinely like/love, respect, and see yourself with him or her for the rest of your lives. You love through thick and thin. You teach one another how you want to be treated. You communicate the good, bad and ugly and avoid the verbal or non-verbal immature attacks. A younger woman is not going to keep stroking her older partner's ego especially if he doesn't have the time or patience to stroke hers. There is more to a relationship besides fancy trips and cool gifts. An older man isn't going to remain interested in a young lady if all he seems to get from her is beauty and sex.
You don't involve yourself with a younger or older partner if you know you just can't keep up with his or her pace whether that is in or out of the bedroom. Lovers feel jaded when their needs aren't being met. The excuses get old. Conversation can grow boring and so can daily routines. If you don't have the energy to spice things up, why are you in a relationship again? If you don't have the mental capacity to take just one more thing coming out of your young partner's mouth? Why are you in a relationship again?
Relationships don't get easier with age, they get harder particularly when you haven't grown old together. This is why it is best to stick to your own age and settle down with someone you have more in common with and who understands what season in life you are in. It is not fair to keep someone in your life just because he or she is older or younger.
Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and the owner of this blog.
Friday
The Isolated, Controlled Young Victim (Woman)
The older gentlemen didn’t fully comprehend what he had done when he told his Significant Younger Other things like: “Stay home with me sometime…”, “You go out too much,” “Miss you,” “Can’t get enough of you…” When the young woman dismissed what he had said, questioned, or ignored his concerns, he punished her with silent treatment for weeks. He understood somewhat that his guilt-tripping her was upsetting. However, he felt justified in doing so because he didn’t like feeling uncomfortable when she was gone away. Further, he didn’t like her reasons for wanting to enjoy herself without him periodically.
In time, she learned how to do what he wanted to “keep the peace,” “to keep him from giving her the cold shoulder,” and “to get along, because the stress wasn’t worth it.” The victim believed she was compromising and building a healthy relationship, but was she?
The controlling man had won! Although at times the victim felt alone, confused, and didn’t feel like she could do anything right, she shrugged her emotions off. The concerns about her leaving grew into other issues the older man felt he needed to manage. He wanted her to be more generous with her finances. Then the abuser expected her to meet household needs like: grocery shopping and cleaning. While his demands increased, her self-esteem decreased.
Isolation keeps others from knowing exactly what is going on in one’s relationship. A victim learns to grow dependent on her controller and less independent. Insecure abusers, who also have low self-esteem, feel a sense of importance when they are able to manipulate their victims into giving up their freedom.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
Tuesday
Young Women: The Pretty Boy will Play You Even if He is Older
Wednesday
You Can't Help Who You Fall in Love With...
You know that your "love" for someone isn't real when you are easily offended over the things they say or do no matter how harmless and you find it hard to forgive. You know that you aren't in love when you are more concerned about one's appearance and less focused on how they respond to you. You know that you are still getting over your past when you find that your emotions are not aligning with the person you are currently with no matter how much you convince yourself you love him or her.
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| Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash |
1) When your partner is around, your thoughts are not often negative, but positive--you aim to please!
2) You think twice about talking rudely to your partner like saying mean things about him or her whether in-person or behind his or her back.
3) You often think of a future with your fellow or gal and you just can't see yourself living without him or her.
4) You are determined to make your relationship work no matter how difficult it gets. However, you have far more positive days then negative ones.
5) Any form of abuse is absent from your relationship. You wouldn't even think of insulting or assaulting your loved one.
6) You don't hesitate to help that special someone when called upon or even when there is no request. You are conscience of your partner's needs. "Thoughtful and considerate..." are words that your partner uses to describe you.
7) You don't mind proclaiming to the world that this person is your mate. You will defend him or her no matter what!
Whether black, brown, yellow or white, you just don't care about what others think. You love your friend and that is all that matters!
Learn more about Nicholl McGuire, owner of this blog, here: Facebook.
Tuesday
On Ending a Miserable Relationship
As the relationship matures, the couple begins to notice things about one another’s personalities that turn them off. The man is easily angered over small things like how his partner organizes things and how often she visits with her family. The woman isn’t happy about the way her mate talks to her when he needs something and isn’t fond of how he smells. In time, the little issues grow into bigger ones and the two break up. The former couple moves on with their lives.
During the process of breaking up, like the couple described previously, many individuals don't do anything about the anger still within after disputes. Communication might have left one another feeling disrespected. Offensive comments said by relatives and friends might have caused conflict. Bad relationships don't end up on any road toward forgiveness. Unfortunately, future daters coming along don’t know about the rude awakening that is sure to come when one is still not over his or her ex or other past partners.
Monday
Charm Then Grow Cold - When They Love and Leave Them
Anyone who insists on reaching out to Mr. or Ms. Charmer while ignoring the truth about who they really are (liar, evil, selfish, abusive, etc.) is headed toward a long, drawn-out path of heartbreak, make up to break up games, and mind-boggling behaviors that make one go mad. Being in a relationship with the charmer isn't like the movies, where the guy or gal finally realizes how much he or she loves and then fights to get his or her partner back. Instead, the future is comprised of long disputes and much pain, because the wounded one never wanted to get to the root cause of why he or she loves and then leaves them. In time, they cheat and cheat some more on the gullible.
Like bored people get weary of old phones, manipulators get weary of old relationships. They don't see the value of sticking it out with one person for as long as they live. If you are not living your life in such a way that keeps someone interested, they will eventually stray especially if he or she is younger. Young people have a lot they look forward to doing in the future and an uninteresting older person can and will be a burden sooner or later particularly if he or she is way past child-bearing years.
Charming anyone regardless of age is great if you can keep up the act. However, as we know, who once charmed, we can't keep people interested forever. You know when a relationship is headed south when the following is occurring:
1) You are frequently bored in the relationship.
2) You receive nothing mentally or physically from a partner.
3) He or she doesn't bother to share anything of interest including future plans.
4) Where he or she once included you in on event planning, there is no more of that and he or she may not even bother to call you about doing anything together.
5) You feel like you are cramping his or her space whenever you are around him or her.
6) The charmer no longer makes time for you. The excuse is always, "I'm busy...I don't have time. Could you do that without me?"
7) Refuses to deal with issues that are negatively impacting the relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Dating Older Men - No Longer Something the Young Woman Wants to Do
She talked herself into dating them. There was the lawyer, a truck driver, a Marine, a businessman, a limo driver, a security officer, a computer technician and others--too many to count. She was thrilled by their conversation, flattered by the time they were willing to spend with her, and excited to see that they weren't like the younger men who she dated that didn't have "a pot to piss in."
As she grew older, she realized that if she was going to have a quality relationship with someone, her connections would have to be closer to her own age, but all she seemed to attract were men who were 10 plus older than her.
You see, some young women reason that dating older is a great idea until they are impacted by the highs and lows that come with getting older. They start to see their fathers and grandfathers in some of these men--often tired, difficult, stubborn, arrogant, or even bitter about getting older. They give their wives and children hell too! But the young lady says to herself, "But that is mom's relationship...and I don't think my date will act like my dad, grandfather or uncles..." That is until the older suitors start exhibiting similar signs. Uh oh! The power and control that many older men show toward their younger partners is not so attractive after all. Care turns into possession. Love turns into hate. Patience turns into irritability. Peace turns into chaos and some of you readers know the rest. If you have ever been abused by an older or even a younger man, you know how the story goes, "When we first met, it was wonderful...he was such a gentleman...but then..."
There is an emotionally and/or physically abused young woman somewhere that is no longer finding dating older men fun, interesting or beneficial. She has watched far too many times what appears to be a gentleman turn into a tyrant. She has ached on the inside for every time she was rejected, cheated on, disrespected, and wounded once again by someone who is supposed to know better. "He's older...he should know how to treat a woman. He has a daughter for God sake! Why does he treat me like this? He reminds me so much of...what was I thinking!" she cries.
If you are that older man with a younger woman who is detecting that your on again off again girlfriend is losing interest in you, let her go--let her go. This is when your maturity needs to kick in. You might even want to consider taking a break from dating the young ladies especially when you have a long pattern of striking out with them--the arguments, silent treatment, spoiled girl behaviors, etc.
The young lady has a long life ahead and chances are she has come to the realization that she is either better off alone or with someone closer to her age that she has more compatible interests. But breaking up for good can be quite the challenge if one is still emotionally and physically tied to someone. Holding on to an attractive young woman like a trophy piece will only make her feel worthless in time, because she knows that the connection is not what it appears to be--it's all just a fantasy; one that she no longer wants to play a part in. There are older men who merely want young women for trivial reasons and vice versa. True love goes beyond the flesh and material interests.
Nicholl McGuire