Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change

He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others.  The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors.  He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion.  When you meet him, you have struck gold!  He is loving and wants what is best for you.  You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.

Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception.  Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration.  His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.

Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men.  You either learn to tolerate them or move on.  As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere.  Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.

Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause).  The pair don't tend to get along either.  This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce.  Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too.  A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is.   Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.

So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger.  However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them.  They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.