So you thought you could be everything to him or her. You bought this person nice things. You made time to go with him or her here and there. You really thought you met your match, that is until you started looking more closely at this person you slept with the other night. "She is a bit off," you think. "He seems to be a bit slow," she thinks. Whatever you noticed about this person, it has put a damper on your relationship. Now you hope that this person will do something that will make you fall back in lust (or love) with him or her-- good luck.
Once truth reveals itself in people, it becomes hard to get the fantasy back. You want that person to be that special someone you met over and over again. Immature people think in this way. People desperate for someone to come rescue them from their past also think like this. Before you know it, you got someone yelling, "Why can't I find the right someone!" Could it be, that you want your dates to fulfill a dream rather than a reality?
You have your issues when you came into the relationship that most likely you wanted your date to overlook. Then there was the issues. Your date had some and you had your share. Then there were those issues you had together. With all of these "issues" also known as relationship challenges, it isn't any wonder that this romance started quickly and then ended just as quickly.
If there is no room in the relationship to just grow freely of the complications of an ex, the baby, the money, the relatives, the friends, an abusive childhood, etc. then yes a beautiful fantasy dies and it may never come back. You should never think a person is going to be your cure all!
For many people, they know, starting this year, it is time to bury the fantasy and welcome reality. They must want to do the things that are right for self and the relationship. But where to start? A change of mindset, a reality check! Look at the things in the relationship that is causing it to become unbalanced, miserable, and something you no longer want. If you allow a relationship to grow in a setting free of outside influence, criticism and unresolved issues of the past, how beautiful it can be! Keep in mind, it takes work, lots of it. But if you are in love, and not in lust, it will go the distance.
Nicholl McGuire
Sunday
A Blog for Men Seeking a Nice Woman to Date - WhereToFindGirl.com
I don't often speak of other websites to visit for dating advice, but this one is a nice blog for men who are having trouble looking for that nice gal. Written from a male perspective, the site is like this one, filled with useful advice. Read here.
Friday
Advice for Young Mothers Interested in Dating Older Men
Some daters believe that because they are easygoing about most things, they are compatible with many different types of people no matter the age or background. They falsely assume that because they maybe in a similar situation as their date, such as: being a parent, divorced, or have other responsibilities, that those they connect with can relate and most likely will handle their circumstances in the same way that they do. However, despite all the similar interests and life comparisons, people are people and they will do things that will leave others scratching their heads, such is the case when a single older man chooses to date someone half his age or younger who is a parent of small children. Maybe he dates her because he was in a similar situation 20 years ago or he remembers the pain of a breakup and how it impacted his family, so now he wants to be helpful. Whatever the reason that draws him to the young mother, he may be very interested in having a relationship with her.
You have to wonder though, why someone would bother taking on some, if not all, of someone else's burden despite his or her age. Of course, there is such a thing as love, but there is also such a thing as desperation. Some people can't stand to be lonely! They will sacrifice their carefree lifestyle and peace just to be close to someone. But their are others who have a more hidden reason for dating someone that may seem trivial to many. There may be a certain interest or look they desire so much in someone else that they will tolerate just about anything to be with him or her. This strong desire is also known as obsession.
Maybe the younger woman has gorgeous long, blond hair that this older man absolutely loves or beautiful hazelnut eyes that seem to draw him in everytime he looks at her. Whatever that "thing" is that she possesses, the older man doesn't mind putting up with all the baggage that comes with her just so that he can enjoy the benefit of being with his ideal mate. Two small children, an ex, an overbearing mother, money issues, and a home filled with past memories may be a part of this young woman's world, but the desperate older man doesn't seem to care just so long as she is fulfilling some aspect of his fantasy. "I don't care about all that other stuff! I love her! She has beautiful eyes, nice long hair, and coca skin! I always wanted to be with her type!"
Some of us have gone to great lengths over the years to date our ideal look. We have given those exs a pass on just about anything that they did just so that we can satisfy lustful desires. We envisioned our soul mate to look and act a certain way. So when we got what we thought we wanted, we didn't worry over whether our exs were compatible with our core beliefs, just so long as they fulfilled our weak desires. However, once their issues with things like: family, money, friends, etc. started disturbing our fantasy world, then we either fell out of love or fell away from the relationship.
Let's face it, most older men who are doing well in life and have already raised their own children, really don't want to become dads to babies all over again. It was a stressful period in their lives. Now they want to be free to do what they want. Me comes first in those golden years! It should be obvious to the young mother, that the older man and the ex didn't make it when their children were young, what's the likelihood that he will make it in a new relationship where mom is younger and her children aren't his? What to do, what to do?
Some men may take advantage of the situation and keep the young woman around for occasional sex and a partner to go here and there with, but if the young woman is often without a babysitter, most likely she will be unable to go to many places. Instead, most of the couple's time together will be spent at her home or his. There must be an understanding between them early on as to what each want of the relationship. Without this knowledge, head games may be played resulting in unnecessary relationship drama.
A man who feels like he may have to compete with the children or ex may not stick around. He may be more apt to find a suitable partner for his needs. Being a single parent is hard, being a young single parent is even harder! There are still so many challenges in life that a young mother must face like learning more about herself and what she wants out of life, health changes, career changes, parenting issues, and maybe an increase desire to get married and have more children. Some caring older men don't want to be an additional burden to someone who already has enough burdens in her young life. Others would try to help. But the majority of older men, would stay away. They have been there done that and really don't want to have to do that all over again!
Every person is different; therefore there are some exceptions to the rule. There will be those older men who will date younger women with children just to do something different or as explained earlier, there is something about her that fulfills a fantasy. However, don't expect a long-term commitment unless the man truly desires a wife. Unfortunately, most older men have already been married before and are not interested in doing it again especially with someone very young.
Nicholl McGuire
You have to wonder though, why someone would bother taking on some, if not all, of someone else's burden despite his or her age. Of course, there is such a thing as love, but there is also such a thing as desperation. Some people can't stand to be lonely! They will sacrifice their carefree lifestyle and peace just to be close to someone. But their are others who have a more hidden reason for dating someone that may seem trivial to many. There may be a certain interest or look they desire so much in someone else that they will tolerate just about anything to be with him or her. This strong desire is also known as obsession.
Maybe the younger woman has gorgeous long, blond hair that this older man absolutely loves or beautiful hazelnut eyes that seem to draw him in everytime he looks at her. Whatever that "thing" is that she possesses, the older man doesn't mind putting up with all the baggage that comes with her just so that he can enjoy the benefit of being with his ideal mate. Two small children, an ex, an overbearing mother, money issues, and a home filled with past memories may be a part of this young woman's world, but the desperate older man doesn't seem to care just so long as she is fulfilling some aspect of his fantasy. "I don't care about all that other stuff! I love her! She has beautiful eyes, nice long hair, and coca skin! I always wanted to be with her type!"
Some of us have gone to great lengths over the years to date our ideal look. We have given those exs a pass on just about anything that they did just so that we can satisfy lustful desires. We envisioned our soul mate to look and act a certain way. So when we got what we thought we wanted, we didn't worry over whether our exs were compatible with our core beliefs, just so long as they fulfilled our weak desires. However, once their issues with things like: family, money, friends, etc. started disturbing our fantasy world, then we either fell out of love or fell away from the relationship.
Let's face it, most older men who are doing well in life and have already raised their own children, really don't want to become dads to babies all over again. It was a stressful period in their lives. Now they want to be free to do what they want. Me comes first in those golden years! It should be obvious to the young mother, that the older man and the ex didn't make it when their children were young, what's the likelihood that he will make it in a new relationship where mom is younger and her children aren't his? What to do, what to do?
Some men may take advantage of the situation and keep the young woman around for occasional sex and a partner to go here and there with, but if the young woman is often without a babysitter, most likely she will be unable to go to many places. Instead, most of the couple's time together will be spent at her home or his. There must be an understanding between them early on as to what each want of the relationship. Without this knowledge, head games may be played resulting in unnecessary relationship drama.
A man who feels like he may have to compete with the children or ex may not stick around. He may be more apt to find a suitable partner for his needs. Being a single parent is hard, being a young single parent is even harder! There are still so many challenges in life that a young mother must face like learning more about herself and what she wants out of life, health changes, career changes, parenting issues, and maybe an increase desire to get married and have more children. Some caring older men don't want to be an additional burden to someone who already has enough burdens in her young life. Others would try to help. But the majority of older men, would stay away. They have been there done that and really don't want to have to do that all over again!
Every person is different; therefore there are some exceptions to the rule. There will be those older men who will date younger women with children just to do something different or as explained earlier, there is something about her that fulfills a fantasy. However, don't expect a long-term commitment unless the man truly desires a wife. Unfortunately, most older men have already been married before and are not interested in doing it again especially with someone very young.
Nicholl McGuire
Monday
Does Looks Matter? What Will Others Think About Me Dating...?
When you are attracted to someone, one of the first things you are going to pay attention to is how this person looks. Now some optimist types would say, "That shouldn't matter, it's what is on the inside that really counts." Well, that's all well and good, but welcome to reality older man, younger woman, looks do matter to some, but to who is the question? Does your mate really care about you?
You may be the kind of person who doesn't care too much about looks. You may not have a certain type that you prefer to date. You may not be bothered about whether a woman or man is black, yellow, red or white. But there are those that all this is important. This is why you must be sure that who you are dating isn't faking it to make it. Does he or she really love you inside and out or is this person just tolerating you for now?
There are some people who just know how to act very well when it comes to being into someone. They will pretend like they enjoy their hobbies and interests when they really don't. They will act like gray hair, wrinkles and being overweight doesn't bother them, when it really does. Some men and women will fake being comfortable on a date with someone younger or older. Meanwhile, he is hoping that his mother, ex-wife or sister won't happen to see him walking down the street with his younger mate or she is praying that her dad doesn't see her with this old man.
You have to be confident with who you are when dating someone older or younger. You will get those looks. People will make you feel uncomfortable. I recall when a group of guys walked by me with my older mate and they were staring. They looked at me then him and back to me again. One commented, "Why is she with that old man?" My stomach dropped. I was shocked, I couldn't say anything. To this day, I don't know if my date heard the young man. Needless to say, the young man's words affected me for at least a day.
Be sure you are willing to stand strong in a relationship such as this especially when the naysayers start bad-mouthing your actions. Don't be a coward or try to defend your actions. If you are in love, then so be it. Who cares what anyone else says? However, be prepared for some stressful moments and try not to let other's words and reactions affect your dating relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
See more writings related to relationships here.
You may be the kind of person who doesn't care too much about looks. You may not have a certain type that you prefer to date. You may not be bothered about whether a woman or man is black, yellow, red or white. But there are those that all this is important. This is why you must be sure that who you are dating isn't faking it to make it. Does he or she really love you inside and out or is this person just tolerating you for now?
There are some people who just know how to act very well when it comes to being into someone. They will pretend like they enjoy their hobbies and interests when they really don't. They will act like gray hair, wrinkles and being overweight doesn't bother them, when it really does. Some men and women will fake being comfortable on a date with someone younger or older. Meanwhile, he is hoping that his mother, ex-wife or sister won't happen to see him walking down the street with his younger mate or she is praying that her dad doesn't see her with this old man.
You have to be confident with who you are when dating someone older or younger. You will get those looks. People will make you feel uncomfortable. I recall when a group of guys walked by me with my older mate and they were staring. They looked at me then him and back to me again. One commented, "Why is she with that old man?" My stomach dropped. I was shocked, I couldn't say anything. To this day, I don't know if my date heard the young man. Needless to say, the young man's words affected me for at least a day.
Be sure you are willing to stand strong in a relationship such as this especially when the naysayers start bad-mouthing your actions. Don't be a coward or try to defend your actions. If you are in love, then so be it. Who cares what anyone else says? However, be prepared for some stressful moments and try not to let other's words and reactions affect your dating relationship.
Nicholl McGuire
See more writings related to relationships here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)