Friday

Advice for Young Mothers Interested in Dating Older Men

Some daters believe that because they are easygoing about most things, they are compatible with many different types of people no matter the age or background.  They falsely assume that because they maybe in a similar situation as their date, such as:  being a parent, divorced, or have other responsibilities, that those they connect with can relate and most likely will handle their circumstances in the same way that they do.  However, despite all the similar interests and life comparisons, people are people and they will do things that will leave others scratching their heads, such is the case when a single older man chooses to date someone half his age or younger who is a parent of small children.  Maybe he dates her because he was in a similar situation 20 years ago or he remembers the pain of a breakup and how it impacted his family, so now he wants to be helpful.  Whatever the reason that draws him to the young mother, he may be very interested in having a relationship with her.

You have to wonder though, why someone would bother taking on some, if not all, of someone else's burden despite his or her age.  Of course, there is such a thing as love, but there is also such a thing as desperation.  Some people can't stand to be lonely!  They will sacrifice their carefree lifestyle and peace just to be close to someone.  But their are others who have a more hidden reason for dating someone that may seem trivial to many.  There may be a certain interest or look they desire so much in someone else that they will tolerate just about anything to be with him or her.  This strong desire is also known as obsession. 

Maybe the younger woman has gorgeous long, blond hair that this older man absolutely loves or beautiful hazelnut eyes that seem to draw him in everytime he looks at her.  Whatever that "thing" is that she possesses, the older man doesn't mind putting up with all the baggage that comes with her just so that he can enjoy the benefit of being with his ideal mate.  Two small children, an ex, an overbearing mother, money issues, and a home filled with past memories may be a part of this young woman's world, but the desperate older man doesn't seem to care just so long as she is fulfilling some aspect of his fantasy.  "I don't care about all that other stuff!  I love her!  She has beautiful eyes, nice long hair, and coca skin!  I always wanted to be with her type!" 

Some of us have gone to great lengths over the years to date our ideal look.  We have given those exs a pass on just about anything that they did just so that we can satisfy lustful desires.  We envisioned our soul mate to look and act a certain way.  So when we got what we thought we wanted, we didn't worry over whether our exs were compatible with our core beliefs, just so long as they fulfilled our weak desires.  However, once their issues with things like:  family, money, friends, etc. started disturbing our fantasy world, then we either fell out of love or fell away from the relationship.

Let's face it, most older men who are doing well in life and have already raised their own children,  really don't want to become dads to babies all over again.  It was a stressful period in their lives.  Now they want to be free to do what they want.  Me comes first in those golden years!  It should be obvious to the young mother, that the older man and the ex didn't make it when their children were young, what's the likelihood that he will make it in a new relationship where mom is younger and her children aren't his?  What to do, what to do?

Some men may take advantage of the situation and keep the young woman around for occasional sex and a partner to go here and there with, but if the young woman is often without a babysitter, most likely she will be unable to go to many places.  Instead, most of the couple's time together will be spent at her home or his.  There must be an understanding between them early on as to what each want of the relationship.  Without this knowledge, head games may be played resulting in unnecessary relationship drama.

A man who feels like he may have to compete with the children or ex may not stick around.  He may be more apt to find a suitable partner for his needs.  Being a single parent is hard, being a young single parent is even harder!  There are still so many challenges in life that a young mother must face like learning more about herself and what she wants out of life, health changes, career changes, parenting issues, and maybe an increase desire to get married and have more children.  Some caring older men don't want to be an additional burden to someone who already has enough burdens in her young life.  Others would try to help.  But the majority of older men, would stay away.  They have been there done that and really don't want to have to do that all over again!

Every person is different; therefore there are some exceptions to the rule.  There will be those older men who will date younger women with children just to do something different or as explained earlier, there is something about her that fulfills a fantasy.  However, don't expect a long-term commitment unless the man truly desires a wife.  Unfortunately, most older men have already been married before and are not interested in doing it again especially with someone very young.

Nicholl McGuire 

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