Immature + Mature = More Relationship Problems

A dating relationship between older and younger, rich and poor, even handicap and well can work, but immature and mature? Nope.  A mature man dating an immature woman will not last if the immature woman doesn't ever grow up.  The immature older man and the mature younger woman dating relationship won't work either.  Common sense shows that when one is dating anyone incompatible with he or she, it is only a matter of time that if one person doesn't conform to be more compatible, the dating relationship won't work in the long term.  This would explain why some intelligent folks dating the immature might compromise normal behavior for abnormal or why some unintelligent folks might start "acting" more mature.  If you want your relationship to last, you have to make some changes whether they be right or worse, wrong for you.  That's right I said wrong, because some people are more concerned about wanting someone to like them; rather than questioning whether certain behaviors are just wrong.  They are willing to conform to just about anything just to keep that man or woman that they are benefiting from which is so wrong!  If you start doing some things in the relationship that you know aren't right for you, beware, it is only a matter of time that you will grow weary of trying to "fit in" just to stick it out with someone especially if this person is the immature one.

Most people as you know, don't like change.  So the older you are, the least likely you will want to change.  For instance, a silly, immature young woman will see a more serious, older man as boring when she is still interested in going out with her friends and partying.  A silly, immature older man may consider a mature younger woman as an "old soul" and feel like he could have dated someone his own age since this younger woman acting older doesn't represent his idea of what a fountain of youth may look or act like--something he might have been craving.

There are many logical as well as illogical reasons as to why someone would be looking to date someone older or younger, but if you are going to enter into this kind of dating relationship, you have to pick someone that is compatible with you whether you consider yourself to be mature or immature.  Trying to find someone who is on your level of maturity, may be difficult, because sometimes dates will manipulate who they really are at least until you get to know them better. 

You may want to ask what your closest friends think of your level of maturity.  Sometimes we may think one thing, but the world sees someone totally different.  Not being honest with yourself about your level of maturity will make it even more challenging to find someone compatible.  Some people think because they are a certain age they are considered mature, but not so fast!  There are many older men who act immature and many younger women who are surprisingly mature.  When the two meet one another, at first, it seems like they may have a lot in common, but then in time, the two will find that one is really not who he or she claims to be.

What the younger woman may have thought was a mature man seated in front of her, turns out to be a little boy looking for some motherly attention and what the mature man thought was this young, free spirit, is really a full grown woman looking for a man to love and care for her in a future marriage.  If you look beyond the surface when choosing a date and pay close attention to the mannerisms and thoughts being conveyed to you by your date, you will find yourself getting a good look at what the future might hold with this person whether he or she is straightforward with you or not.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate  

You Wanted that Nice, Sexy...Now You Got It!

Oh boy, did you ever...!  "You got that nice piece of $%^?!" one of your boys says as if he doesn't believe it.  You are just smiling from ear-to-ear about that special man or woman in your life.  The world has stopped spinning and all you hear anymore are birds chirping.  You and your younger partner have isolated yourselves. You both have a "me and you against the world" mentality. 

So you thought I was going to say, "But..." right?  Of course, there is a "but."  But, it's for your own good, boss, dad, college student, retiree or divorced.  You know these titles will make or break this kind of relationship if you or she isn't comfortable with them.

Where do you go from here, mature man?  One of you or both should be asking this question, because anyone who has ever been in a relationship always comes to this point.  So it might as well be you who is reading this.  How will being in a relationship with your younger partner benefit you in both the short and long-terms?  Or, is there really any long-term?  You have heard the experiences of people in these kind of dating older/dating younger relationships.  Are you conducting yourself in that "full speed ahead until we crash into a wall" fashion in this relationship?

What about your career and/or educational goals?  Is there room in this relationship for that?  What about a possible pregnancy?  Do you really think aborting would be the best option or keeping the child?  How will your partner fit in with your family?  Do you make enough money if you are retired to help your younger partner?

Love blinds us.  Reality awakes us.  We can use every cliche in the book to make us feel at ease with what we are doing in our personal lives, but seriously mature man, we (both men and women of all ages) all need a voice of reason just in case that special someone breaks our heart.

Sure, your taking it slow, but then again maybe not if you already had sex with her.  Sure, you will come to that bridge when you get there.  You may already be there if she has been sharing her feelings about you.  Don't wait.  Talk about the things that matter when it comes to your intimate relationship with your younger woman and those who care about her.  She (and they--you know her family) just might still respect you in the morning.

Nicholl McGuire
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Too Old, Too Young? Think Before You Act

If you have dated someone younger or older, you most likely have heard someone say, "He is too old...She is too young..."  As much as we would like to debate about "the age thing," the truth is if someone tells you the truth, you ought to listen.  Who doesn't want someone to love, who has nice things, and enjoys activities that others our own age doesn't?  But when you compare apples to oranges, there are many others out here in the world that you most likely will have more in common with your own age or near your own age.  You have to see more in a relationship with an older or younger person besides, "We both like playing video games...we both enjoy walks in the park...we both love puppies!"  On the outside looking in, these reasons are cute, but they don't represent reality.

There are many older men with young boy personalities living in their bodies like there are many younger women with older women personalities living in their bodies.  It seems like a great combination, that is until the two start living together.  You never know on what day the old soul will come out or the playful boy will show up which can cause many problems in one's  relationship.  There isn't really anything you can do about a person with alters like these.

Know who you are dating.  The older man became the playful boy, because something triggered such a personality in his old age.  The younger woman became the old soul because something also happened in her lifetime to make her that way.  A mature man liked what he no longer is (young) when he looked at the younger woman, but was drawn to the old woman inside of her.  The younger woman liked what she didn't have (a mature figure in her life) when she looked at the older man, but was drawn to the young man on the inside of him.

Sure, you can converse about your different personalities, complain, sigh or moan to that relative or friend, but none of your issues with that person will make his or her alters go away--nothing!  You either deal with them or you don't.  Relationships like these can get rather complicated, so despite being in a relationship like this myself, you won't always find me encouraging others to jump on board especially if I know they have some serious personality or unresolved childhood issues.

Of course, there are those relationships that go the distance, but oftentimes you find out that many of these kind of relationships are dead-ends.  They start out with a purpose, but then in time someone or something creates a major shift in the relationship.  It is then that "the pretty young thing" or "old man" becomes yesterday's old news.  You might even hear one day, "What happened to your girlfriend?  What was wrong with him?  I told you it wouldn't last."

Nicholl McGuire

He's Old Enough to Be Her Dad

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Some of us grew up during a time where dating a man, notice I didn't say boy, while you were still in high school was nothing out of the ordinary.  The girl knew that the man was quite possibly old enough to be her father and the man knew he was robbing the cradle.  It didn't help that the music and movies perpetuated this awkward and downright illegal relationship.  There were rappers singing about older men and girls dating one another. The girls were "loving" these men, lying about their ages, sneaking out of their parent's homes to meet older men, etc.  Although people knew this sort of behavior was wrong, they still encouraged it by bobbing their heads to the drum beats and making jokes about those celebrities who participated in pedophilia.  A man dating a girl or even a young woman 20 plus years younger is no laughing matter.

In many communities around our country, there is some young naïve or "fast tailed" girl or woman who has serious childhood issues that she doesn't recognize or can handle.  So when an older man comes along with his false promises of caring for her, she goes along with whatever he says just to get along.  To her, romance is nothing more than a movie complete with sex and dinner.  In her mind, she has never been treated like a lady by her younger boyfriends.  The older man holds her hand, brings her flowers, writes her love notes, takes her out to the mall, and buys her the things she wants, and much, much more which is usually taught in the bedroom.  Meanwhile, those boys or young men around her can't fathom what she sees in a wrinkled, grey haired, overweight older man who walks slow and talks slower.

There are so many young women who have so much potential to be something great without the need for a father figure, but that is exactly what her subconscious mind tells her when she looks at the older man.  "He will take care of you...he will buy you nice things...you don't have to worry about him playing head games...he loves you..."  But many older men do just that, play mind games.  They know how to take a younger woman and mold and shape her into what he desires (at least for a time--that is until she acts up--then on to the next one.)

Feel free to share the information on this site with those younger women you may know who are currently dating all sorts of men.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men