12 Signs a Young Woman is Being Played By a Dirty Old Man

What Some of Older Male Relatives May Not Have Told Young Women About Old Players

Your family and friends are concerned about your sudden interest in a man twice maybe even three times your age. They wonder what you see in him and secretly you wonder what he sees in you as well. You hope that this isn’t a fly by night romance for a man struggling with mid-life issues, but how do you know? There are 12 signs you may want to watch out for when relating to your older man. So put off the wedding plans in your head and the butterflies in your stomach for a moment while you read the following points.


One. He is adamant about no surprise visits at his home or work.

Now if he has nothing to hide why would he feel the need to tell you that?

Two. He will only see you on certain days of the week.

So there must be a schedule set to see one another?

Three. He often picks out places to entertain you that are far away from the city.

You may want to suggest places that are closer to the city then watch his reaction.

Four. He doesn’t share any information about his personal life such as mention conversations he may have had with family and friends.

He is often asking you questions about your day, but when you ask him questions about his day he is vague or unresponsive.

Five. He avoids spending holidays with you or comes by to see you very late in the day, during his lunch break, or early in the morning.

Once again, you should be questioning why?

Six. He is overly protective about his belongings especially his cell phone and computer.

Is it necessary to become angry if you just so happen to flip his phone back and look at the screen?

Seven. He often doesn’t stick to appointments with you because “something came up” which makes him late or causes him to cancel.

An occasional cancellation or an apology for being late is acceptable, but frequently – something is up?

Eight. He dresses nice on days when he is supposed to be casually dressed.

Did he tell you he had a meeting to go to prior to seeing you? He must have forgot to mention it or maybe he had another date before he came over to see you?

Nine. Whenever you try to change his routine or schedule suddenly, he is making up excuses.

Control freak or someone else is controlling his time.

Ten. He isn’t interested in meeting your family or friends and doesn’t offer to introduce you to any of his family or friends especially his parents.

He simply isn’t serious about you yet, give him some time.

Eleven. When you bring up marriage, children, or moving in together, he either smiles, avoids the issue, or jokes about it. Meanwhile, he is telling his friends, “Never again will I get married.”

If you want marriage and he doesn’t, what makes you think that you can change him?

Twelve. People in his neighborhood, especially women, look at you or him negatively and talk about all the women who come in and out of his home. They may even mention in so many words how they use to date him and make negative comments about him.

Women can’t keep a good secret, they will expose a bad person or bad behavior, and if she is a women scorned then she will let the cat out of the bag. Listen to what she is telling you in a round-about way—she is warning you.

If you have noticed all of these signs working together throughout the relationship then you are being played. Many young women overlook these signs because they don’t want to believe that their older men is betraying them, because they assume that because they look or act a certain way they can’t be played. Yet, if you were quick to give him your heart, plan your days around him, and believe every little thing that comes out of his mouth without paying attention to his actions, then you are subjecting yourself to his game. As the saying goes, don’t hate the player, hate the game.

By Nicholl McGuire

When an Older Man Denies He is having a Mid-Life Crisis

She didn’t accuse him of having an affair, because that wasn’t the truth; rather she accused him of having a mid-life crisis. Warning signs of what was ahead, she told him that if he didn’t start doing the following: eating right, exercising, seeing his doctor, following doctor’s orders, and taking his prescribed medicines that the relationship would be over. She hadn’t asked for much, at least so she thought, but he felt that she was being pushy, acting like his mother, and he wasn’t going to listen. In time the relationship went downhill. He stayed out all night at times with his friends. He didn’t bother to call when he would be late coming home from work. He wasn’t interested in having sex with her anymore. He wanted more out of life and so he quit his job and didn’t tell her until he got a new one months later. He took monies they saved over the years from a joint savings account and bought toys for himself and trinkets for his admirers. He hadn’t done the ultimate betrayal, as of yet which was have sex with other women, but he sure was thinking about it. Given all the porn she found in his computer. She had a crisis on her hands and he was in denial.


You may know of someone like this and you may have tried to speak some wisdom to him, but he refuses to listen. Experts say that when a man is having a midlife crisis you are to try to be supportive and don’t belittle him or pressure him to change his ways, rather go along for the ride because at some point he will come to his senses -- easier said than done. The truth is that many men don’t come to their senses until it’s too late. They move forward into a life that was directed by their hormones and then when they look back they see a trail of tears, broken hearts, debt, and other serious errors. As old as they are, they refuse to take full responsibility for the mess that they caused.

We make jokes about the man who has his shirt unbutton; wearing a toupee, driving a sports car with a young woman by his side, but it’s no laughing matter. His cloudy brain has made him indecisive, irrational, illogical, and at times downright strange. What can we do when he says that he isn’t having a mid-life crisis? We don’t deny the truth; instead, we just call his attention to the foolish decisions he makes and pray that he sees the light. We provide him with choices and make him think that he came up with our ideas. For instance, if we want to go somewhere or eat something different, we recall a time when he may have said something similar and then attribute the idea to him. “I only cooked this because you said….” Now this man in a midlife crisis has an attitude that changes from one day to the next. What he use to eat it he doesn’t eat anymore. What he use to wear he doesn’t like anymore. The places he use to frequent are not as exciting as they once were. He often forgets what you have told him and thinks that you are the one losing it when in all actuality he is losing it. But you don’t argue and you don’t challenge him. Instead, you keep the peace by being selective on what is worth fighting about and what isn’t. Everything is not up for debate unless you want to run him out of your home.

You always want to take the time to listen to his complaints and concerns and try to make the atmosphere livable. No, you can’t prevent him from cheating, lying stealing or doing anything else that makes you and the family look bad, but what you can do is have a faith. Look to something greater than yourself to see him through. Believe that God is watching and that he will help him through his crisis.

By Nicholl McGuire

Young Woman: What to Do When Breaking up with Older Man

You want to an end a relationship with an older man without making him feel that it’s his age that is an issue. You don’t want to have to hear, “I told you so!” from family and friends, but they told you so. Now you want to get out of this relationship that you feel is going nowhere so how do you do it?


First, take the time to plan what you are going to say. Be sure you are speaking from the heart. Meaning that everything you feel, you say. In this way it’s a clean break without any question; rather than coming back repeatedly to your ex with statements you forgot to say the first time.

Next, don’t say anything to your older man about breaking up until you are certain that is what you want to do. If you are still indecisive about being with him, you don’t want to say something before you are ready otherwise you will appear as if you are playing games.

He may already think you are too young for him and at times immature, but don’t confirm his thoughts by talking in circles when you are ready to make that clean break. Be direct, straightforward when you speak to him. Tell your older man friend that you can’t see a future with him and that is the reason why you must end it now. If you choose to get into details, don’t tell him things like, “Well I was thinking about what my mother said…” Even if your parents influenced your decision don’t tell him so. Grown women who make life decisions don’t make them based solely on what people say, they evaluate the situation, they test it, and they see how it works for them. Then they either embrace the challenge or dismiss it.

Now he may be critical of you and say mean things. Expect him to behave like a child because you were his prize trophy. He may even tell you, “I can find another one like you.” If so, he will be another woman’s problem, but be grateful that you are free.

You will most likely feel like you made a mistake especially if he supplied you with cash. He may even use it to keep you under his control. Tell him you don’t need it, even if you do. When making a clean break, leave the cash behind too. Otherwise, you will only make it harder to rid yourself of him and if you should date someone new they won’t like the idea that another man is taking care of you and he won’t like the idea that you are taking his money and buying another man gifts.

Lastly, don’t get his family involved in your break up. Let him tell them whatever he is going to tell him about the break up. If you must share any information with them, do it when you are over him. The last thing you want to do is appear like you are a sniffling little child who is lost without their beloved.

There are older men who will attempt to make you feel small for breaking up with them because their ego is wounded especially if he is one of those who are having a mid-life crisis. In their minds they are thinking, “Who does this stupid, young girl think she is?” You see, some older men pride themselves on being one step ahead in relationships and business and if they feel like they are being undermined, deceived or rejected, they will have temper tantrums just like children. You aren’t a child, so don’t act like one even if he does accuse you of handling matters like one. What else is he going to say? You are breaking up with him and if he carries on in the way that was described, be glad you are so over him!

By Nicholl McGuire

Dating Stubborn Men: Personal Experience

They are hard of hearing. You have to tell them repeatedly what you want and even with all the requests, they either still don’t do what you ask, do what they feel like doing, or only do things partly. They are the biggest excuse makers and defenders of their own faults using statements like, “I didn’t know…no one told me…I would have done...but…there wasn’t enough time…You should have told me…I never said that…I never told you that…You are wrong.” Everyone else is always to blame. When they are approached with an error, they look around and say, “Who me?” Who else would it be? Stubborn men should live alone.

I know there are just as many stubborn women too, but if there is any truth to the old adage, "Opposites attract" then what kind of woman is a stubborn man attracting? One who isn’t like him that’s for sure. I have personally dated just about every one of my opposites in my short life including stubborn, unmovable, unshakeable, may I add, angry men. After awhile if you date long enough, they all start acting and sounding the same. “I’m not like your last boyfriend,” they say. Yeah right.

So here’s a list of things that I noticed about these knuckle-headed men. I understand why they are handsome and still single. They were acting stubborn with the last woman, and now here they are available to me.

Children from a previous relationship

You may tell him what the boundaries are with the ex and he may tell you his, but then you notice some behaviors that are obviously inappropriate whether it is how he talks to his children or what he says or does with the ex regarding the children. Either way, if he can’t get it through his thick skull to stop what he is doing, you will have to resort to some serious measures. Whatever you do, don’t do anything that will cost you your freedom or put you on your back in a hospital somewhere.

Now let’s say his stubborn behavior has nothing to do with the children, but how he reacts to your ex. Maybe you don’t want him to be too friendly or, too distant, whatever the case may be, he needs to act in a way that is also in the best interest of the children. Too friendly with the ex, could cause problems for you in the courtroom one day if your man should happen to tell your ex something he shouldn’t know. Acting too distant will also cause a problem, because he will say that he has every right to know who will be around his children. You will need to find out what kind of relationship you both will have with the children’s father or mother that will bring you both peace. This is not the kind of situation where being stubborn is okay, it may cost you your children, so stress that to this man's hard head!

Yours and his children

You tell him that it would be better if he handled the children in certain ways regarding caring for them and providing for their basic needs, and he starts behaving like a teenage girl who was told someone doesn’t like her hair. “This is my way,” he says. “Let me do it…” Meanwhile, the children are spoiled rotten because he still hasn’t let go of the child who is almost two that he still rocks to sleep. The other child who will soon be three who still receives presents like it’s his birthday every day, while the other children just watch.

You give him some tips on how to get something done faster, easier, or with less headache and heart ache and he doesn’t want your advice until he has spent hours on a project that could have been done in 10 minutes. Can we say, stubborn!

Communication

So you decided to sit down and talk with your man friend about the things that bother you in your relationship. He seems willing to listen to your gripes, complaints and praises. So he tells you what is on his mind about you, but rather than his complaints sounding reasonable they are looking more and more like attacks, because he didn’t like what you told him. After years in a relationship, suddenly he is telling you things that you never knew bothered him. You come away from the conversation almost heartbroken because the certain food you cooked, the way you clean the home, care for the children, shop etc. was all wrong. This conversation was not two adults talking; instead you may have said something that rubbed him the wrong way and now he is on attack mode. I learned to ignore the snide remarks, eye rolls and heavy sighs. The things he really has a problem with you will know about it the instant you do it, just look at his face. As for the other things, he lived with it then and didn’t leave you; he can continue to live with them. Chances are if you go back to doing these “sudden complaints” he has, he won’t say one word and that’s how you know he was full of you know what!

Time

Stubborn men think they have all the time in the world. They go about their days taking their time doing everything without regard to deadlines. It’s rare that a stubborn man will show up on time for the things that matter to you. You will try to tell him how important certain things are to you and he will just act as if he is listening while doing what he wants to do which leads me to the next point.

Doesn’t follow instructions

When you provide him with a list, you can almost bet that he will not buy what is on the list. When you ask him to do something around the house, tell him about a certain store, ask him to help you with something, or offer to go to the store with him to shop, he will find excuses so that he is in control at all times. He wants to spend the money his way, he wants to buy what he thinks you want, and he wants to go without having to listen to you and the children and so on. Notice it is always his wants first and maybe he might think about everyone else.

Stubborn men are also selfish men, they appear as if they are men of service, but the reality is they don’t like doing much of anything. But just so that they don’t have to hear your mouth, they will do just enough to appear as if they are so “nice, so kind.” But if you have been around them long enough, they are just stubborn.

They are right, you are wrong

You have made plenty of good points, suggestions, and ideas. You are often right and the stubborn man knows this, so he will look for an opportunity to say, “You are wrong.” You might not have been wrong, but he is getting tired of you being right. You were right about the children, the relationship, the money, and other issues and so he doesn’t want to accept any more responsibility for his own action or inaction that has caused problems for you and him in the relationship, so his quick rebuttal to everything is, “You are wrong.” The truth of the matter is he was wrong for getting involved with someone thinking that he never had to compromise even a little bit of his stubborn ways.

Selfish

Earlier, I mentioned that stubborn men are selfish. Let me further explain. Stubborn men and selfish men are birds of a feather they flock together. Stubborn men stick to their ideas, beliefs, principals, etc. no matter how bizarre, ridiculous, simple, foolish, or harmful. Here is an example of a stubborn man doing something that will cost him his relationship and material possessions. His former wife tells him that he is behaving in ways that is causing her to think that he is cheating on her. He tells her that he isn’t cheating. But he continues not to be available sexually, emotionally, and oftentimes disappears without telling her where he is going, when he will be back, or even offer to take her along for the ride. His idea of a good time when he isn’t out running the street is seated in front of the television barely touching any of the food she has prepared in the refrigerator. He doesn’t show her any affection except on those few occasions they have had sex. She tells him how his behavior is causing her to think about divorce and dating again. Rather than, acknowledging the damage by his actions and inactions that have contributed to her feelings of insecurity, lack of love, and appreciation, he continues to do these things anyway. This is a stubborn man who is also acting very selfish. Even more bizarre, this stubborn man will confide in his friends and tell them she is to blame. Meanwhile, the friends don’t know the truth; therefore, they will side with him and give him the kind of advice that would be shared with a man who wasn’t stubborn and he will try to implement something that he doesn’t understand nor does he know what to do with, because he can’t see his true self. He is the problem. But if he assess the situation from the outside looking in honestly, he will try to make a difference. As for the selfish man, he may act just like the stubborn man, but the problem with him is he isn’t going to even try to look at what he could be doing to cause the demise of the relationship. Either way, both men need to find whatever they need whether counselor, book, teacher, or foe to help them learn from their negative behavior.

By Nicholl McGuire