Found someone who can keep up with me
now that one is all I can see.
Have been through the fight to keep love in sight.
After years of pain, now I see the light!
Have told others, there is more to do besides sharing covers.
Tried to speak wisdom to the lost and confused kind of brothers.
I really wasn't prepared for a love like this,
but things changed when we shared a kiss.
Older, younger
stronger, wise.
Broke past ties,
kept away from lies.
Times were somewhat good back then,
even when my spirit didn't override my skin.
These days I am focused on what really matters,
true love has made a pumping heart grow fatter.
Feel satisfied with my new life,
less boring, and not as much strife.
Know what I want and why I am here,
happiness moves me to shed a tear.
I do not fear what people might say
I take the time out to pray each day.
Have a lot to share with the one who has blessed me,
healed my wandering, blind eyes, so that I may see,
I now appreciate the one who stands before me!
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Friday
Tricks are for Kids: Silly, Smart Women
Watch enough reality shows, celebrity award programs, movies, and other so-called award-winning productions and you will find many, many silly women and men. But for purposes of this blog entry, I will be focusing on silly, smart women that draw our attention.
Whether she is a celebrity or someone you know from work, these silly, smart women are the ones who do and say things that are selfish, but guise their deeds up with "helping, encouraging...loving Jesus..." and more. They dress younger than their age. Talk in ways that make you think you are speaking with a child, rather than an adult. Shop for things in stores that would typically excite children, not women. Many have been abused as a child and many more know how to change from one personality to the next especially when feeling threatened or controlled in a relationship.
You may have heard of a celebrity or two acting silly. Some purposely act silly; however, there is absolutely nothing juvenile about them, but in order to make a living, there are those women who act immature. Sometimes a parent/relative/manager/lover encouraged them to act in stupid ways and rewarded them for it. Meanwhile, you may have said to yourself, "What is with this woman? What exactly do you call helping others when she is dancing around half dressed looking like a Barbie, acting like a fool in movies, and supporting all things immoral, childish and downright stupid?" But silly, smart women know how to draw you in. You may have thought wisely for a moment, yet if that beautiful or not-so attractive woman with a great body is in your presence, you would most likely look for something about her you admire and forget about her immaturity or silly act. Before long, you would be opening your wallet or your arms up to her.
Silly, smart women know how to draw, not only men to them, but women too. They need to establish trust with everyone they encounter. They desire friends in order to accomplish their goals. For some silly, smart women they talk childish, act silly for a time while waiting for the opportunity to get their needs met--whatever that might be.
Being a stingy, grumpy, evil S.O.B. who thinks he knows it all is not going to help most older men who think they can outsmart silly, attractive women. Some men are simply suckers for charm, beauty and immaturity. The best thing a mature man can do to protect himself from the silly actress or childish younger woman is to not entertain her--ignore her. She can be as smart as a Bill Gates, but with silly attached to her list of attributes isn't a good thing, no matter how much you reason it's okay--maybe for the younger silly man, but not for someone who is supposed to be wise and mature.
We all know when someone calls us, "silly" for doing something, that isn't a compliment. Silly people, things and places mean childish, boy and girl behaviors not grown men and women. If you are a Bible reader you know that your Creator wants you to put off childish ways. Men are called to grow up! But it's hard to see that when you see far too much media celebrating silly behavior both on and offline. Unless you are just as silly as an immature woman, if not worse, your relationship just might have it's share of challenges. Sooner or later you will be calling her a name or two for her child-like behaviors.
Men who are accused of being too serious, dull, boring and even mean-spirited because they don't know how to "lighten up" and take one day at a time (with a smile on their faces) will find it difficult dating most younger women who are in their early 20s attending college or working with children.
Immature men, silly ones, are not going to be a good match for a younger woman who is often serious and finds laughing difficult, but tend to get along well with immature women for a time. But two silly adults can drive one another crazy especially when one is ready to act more adult while the other doesn't want to grow up.
But silly, smart women and men both have a common plan and that is to use their immaturity to get what they want, when they want it. Many aren't interested in anything long term. Most are more concerned about how dating one who is older is going to make them look. If he is rich, he is a catch. A poor older man is no better than a young, poor man. Knowing these things, be cautious of that one who you are quick to label silly, keep in mind, she just might be smart too. Unfortunately, many men will be hurt because they didn't see through the act.
Nicholl McGuire
Whether she is a celebrity or someone you know from work, these silly, smart women are the ones who do and say things that are selfish, but guise their deeds up with "helping, encouraging...loving Jesus..." and more. They dress younger than their age. Talk in ways that make you think you are speaking with a child, rather than an adult. Shop for things in stores that would typically excite children, not women. Many have been abused as a child and many more know how to change from one personality to the next especially when feeling threatened or controlled in a relationship.
You may have heard of a celebrity or two acting silly. Some purposely act silly; however, there is absolutely nothing juvenile about them, but in order to make a living, there are those women who act immature. Sometimes a parent/relative/manager/lover encouraged them to act in stupid ways and rewarded them for it. Meanwhile, you may have said to yourself, "What is with this woman? What exactly do you call helping others when she is dancing around half dressed looking like a Barbie, acting like a fool in movies, and supporting all things immoral, childish and downright stupid?" But silly, smart women know how to draw you in. You may have thought wisely for a moment, yet if that beautiful or not-so attractive woman with a great body is in your presence, you would most likely look for something about her you admire and forget about her immaturity or silly act. Before long, you would be opening your wallet or your arms up to her.
Silly, smart women know how to draw, not only men to them, but women too. They need to establish trust with everyone they encounter. They desire friends in order to accomplish their goals. For some silly, smart women they talk childish, act silly for a time while waiting for the opportunity to get their needs met--whatever that might be.
Being a stingy, grumpy, evil S.O.B. who thinks he knows it all is not going to help most older men who think they can outsmart silly, attractive women. Some men are simply suckers for charm, beauty and immaturity. The best thing a mature man can do to protect himself from the silly actress or childish younger woman is to not entertain her--ignore her. She can be as smart as a Bill Gates, but with silly attached to her list of attributes isn't a good thing, no matter how much you reason it's okay--maybe for the younger silly man, but not for someone who is supposed to be wise and mature.
We all know when someone calls us, "silly" for doing something, that isn't a compliment. Silly people, things and places mean childish, boy and girl behaviors not grown men and women. If you are a Bible reader you know that your Creator wants you to put off childish ways. Men are called to grow up! But it's hard to see that when you see far too much media celebrating silly behavior both on and offline. Unless you are just as silly as an immature woman, if not worse, your relationship just might have it's share of challenges. Sooner or later you will be calling her a name or two for her child-like behaviors.
Men who are accused of being too serious, dull, boring and even mean-spirited because they don't know how to "lighten up" and take one day at a time (with a smile on their faces) will find it difficult dating most younger women who are in their early 20s attending college or working with children.
Immature men, silly ones, are not going to be a good match for a younger woman who is often serious and finds laughing difficult, but tend to get along well with immature women for a time. But two silly adults can drive one another crazy especially when one is ready to act more adult while the other doesn't want to grow up.
But silly, smart women and men both have a common plan and that is to use their immaturity to get what they want, when they want it. Many aren't interested in anything long term. Most are more concerned about how dating one who is older is going to make them look. If he is rich, he is a catch. A poor older man is no better than a young, poor man. Knowing these things, be cautious of that one who you are quick to label silly, keep in mind, she just might be smart too. Unfortunately, many men will be hurt because they didn't see through the act.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Ashamed to Date Older Men, Younger Women
It started off as a good idea, there was one, then two, maybe three older dates or younger ones in the past. But then, the feelings of shame, regret and other emotions started to grow and they wouldn't leave while some dated those half their age or older/younger. So he stopped dating youthful women and she stopped dating older.
Some of you reading this, may have had similar experiences dating older or younger and you have your share of regrets. But lately, you may have thought about doing it again. Be sure, be really sure this time! Hearts get broken so easily, time and money get wasted and in the end you find yourself back at square one (sigh). Like an interracial, same sex, mixed religious or political party relationship, the challenges will be there, yet love must conquer all!
There is a certain degree of shame that one might experience being with someone older or younger especially when appearances are a dead give away. Passerbyers will let their thoughts show up on faces that are not in agreement. Uncomfortable feelings will surface as you look at that younger or older partner standing, sitting or walking next to you. But one must fight those emotions if he or she wants to remain in a relationship.
The mature man isn't going to be as attractive as the younger men a woman might have dated the older he gets. And she isn't going to stay young and vibrant forever. Whatever the issue, just know that your date is a human being with feelings that grow like flowers--not a mindless sexy character on the Internet or in a video game.
If you are sincerely ready to date younger or older again, then know what is ahead and how you will respond to those trials, but tell yourself, "Running is not an option unless we simply have nothing in common." Otherwise, enjoy your new friend no matter the age and be open to love and change!
Nicholl McGuire author Laboring to Love Myself.
Some of you reading this, may have had similar experiences dating older or younger and you have your share of regrets. But lately, you may have thought about doing it again. Be sure, be really sure this time! Hearts get broken so easily, time and money get wasted and in the end you find yourself back at square one (sigh). Like an interracial, same sex, mixed religious or political party relationship, the challenges will be there, yet love must conquer all!
There is a certain degree of shame that one might experience being with someone older or younger especially when appearances are a dead give away. Passerbyers will let their thoughts show up on faces that are not in agreement. Uncomfortable feelings will surface as you look at that younger or older partner standing, sitting or walking next to you. But one must fight those emotions if he or she wants to remain in a relationship.
The mature man isn't going to be as attractive as the younger men a woman might have dated the older he gets. And she isn't going to stay young and vibrant forever. Whatever the issue, just know that your date is a human being with feelings that grow like flowers--not a mindless sexy character on the Internet or in a video game.
If you are sincerely ready to date younger or older again, then know what is ahead and how you will respond to those trials, but tell yourself, "Running is not an option unless we simply have nothing in common." Otherwise, enjoy your new friend no matter the age and be open to love and change!
Nicholl McGuire author Laboring to Love Myself.
Tuesday
Thoughts on Leaving Older Partner to Date Younger
He made a decision to leave his older partner, because he no longer found the relationship interesting anymore. She chose to leave her older mate, due to the age gap that started to affect things like: romance, conversation, and the way she saw herself. Both left older to date younger in the hope to find someone more compatible, more affection, energetic, and more. Of course, there are pros and cons to doing this, lets review some of them.
Dull Romances
We can't avoid those periods in our relationships where everything starts to become a bit mundane and routine. Unless one is working an interesting job, have a great network of people that keep him or her excited, and money to spend to visit fun places at will (along with the desire to do it), the person seeking to leave his or her older partner just might be as boring as them, but just doesn't realize it yet. Running into the arms of someone more interesting is just a temporary pick-me-up, but sooner or later you will begin to notice that the same things you didn't want in the last relationship are going to start to show up in the new one.
Health Concerns
Unfortunately, some couples just can't make it, because one or both can't handle health issues. From andropause to menopause woes, if a lover didn't have the patience to contend with those health challenges with his or her last partner, what makes this person think that everything will be just fine with someone younger? Most young women can still bear children which will affect the body in time especially when she starts having that need to want to become pregnant. Many take birth control which has been known to fluctuate mood, weight, and more. So for the older man who thinks he can do better by getting someone younger while leaving an older partner and possibly children behind, he just might inherit a few new problems that he might not be ready for like a future offspring affecting his mood and weight. Also, take into consideration the many people who are walking this earth with an incurable sexual disease, mental disorders, criminal records and other issues brought on by wreckless behaviors, bad parenting, peer influences, etc. Know what you are getting into beyond the nice smile, sexy body and whatever else you are looking for.
Relatives and Friends
No matter who one dates, there will always be certain relatives and friends that may be very important in his or her life that the one dating younger won't necessarily like or agree with. Criticism comes and goes from loved ones when starting any new relationship. But if this is one reason why you just can't stand being with your older ex, it's not a very good one especially if you still have to deal with a few relatives because of children. Besides, you just might find that your younger mate's relatives and friends won't be any easier on you particularly if there is a significant age difference between you and younger mate.
Money
A young woman who leaves a relatively stable relationship just because she feels like her older man just isn't doing it for her, might regret her decision later. If age is the only factor that bothers her, nowadays there are plenty of things men can take and do to better their lifestyles. But leaving an older man solely for the beauty of a younger man is foolish and unwise. Money may not be a factor in the relationship, but then it might be. Some younger women stay because of money while others leave because there is no assistance for what they have to put up with concerning an older man (ie. aging process, children with an ex, long work hours, etc.) so they go back to dating younger. However, young men, who aren't necessarily ready for a committed relationship, but think they are, have been known to be unfaithful, immature, and unreliable in serious relationships. Also, consider many who are irresponsible with their finances and selfish. But for those young men who aren't, the young woman just might find a treasure in more ways than one. For older men, who believe that a younger woman can complete him, know that most young women aren't established and don't have the wealth that he who has had decades to build. An older mate will find that at some point in the relationship his younger partner will need his financial assistance, so if he isn't the generous type, there will be issues.
These are just some of the many things one who is interested in leaving an older partner for a younger mate might run into. For some readers, this piece might have discouraged and if so, most likely you still love and respect your older mate. But for others, you may still want to leave your mate for any and all reasons, just keep in mind that those "in love" feelings with a new someone are temporary and they are not what builds a healthy long-lasting relationship, but you know that already. To your success!
Nicholl McGuire is the blogger for this blog. Check out others: Things to Do Bored and Parents, Babies, Children
Dull Romances
We can't avoid those periods in our relationships where everything starts to become a bit mundane and routine. Unless one is working an interesting job, have a great network of people that keep him or her excited, and money to spend to visit fun places at will (along with the desire to do it), the person seeking to leave his or her older partner just might be as boring as them, but just doesn't realize it yet. Running into the arms of someone more interesting is just a temporary pick-me-up, but sooner or later you will begin to notice that the same things you didn't want in the last relationship are going to start to show up in the new one.
Health Concerns
Unfortunately, some couples just can't make it, because one or both can't handle health issues. From andropause to menopause woes, if a lover didn't have the patience to contend with those health challenges with his or her last partner, what makes this person think that everything will be just fine with someone younger? Most young women can still bear children which will affect the body in time especially when she starts having that need to want to become pregnant. Many take birth control which has been known to fluctuate mood, weight, and more. So for the older man who thinks he can do better by getting someone younger while leaving an older partner and possibly children behind, he just might inherit a few new problems that he might not be ready for like a future offspring affecting his mood and weight. Also, take into consideration the many people who are walking this earth with an incurable sexual disease, mental disorders, criminal records and other issues brought on by wreckless behaviors, bad parenting, peer influences, etc. Know what you are getting into beyond the nice smile, sexy body and whatever else you are looking for.
Relatives and Friends
No matter who one dates, there will always be certain relatives and friends that may be very important in his or her life that the one dating younger won't necessarily like or agree with. Criticism comes and goes from loved ones when starting any new relationship. But if this is one reason why you just can't stand being with your older ex, it's not a very good one especially if you still have to deal with a few relatives because of children. Besides, you just might find that your younger mate's relatives and friends won't be any easier on you particularly if there is a significant age difference between you and younger mate.
Money
A young woman who leaves a relatively stable relationship just because she feels like her older man just isn't doing it for her, might regret her decision later. If age is the only factor that bothers her, nowadays there are plenty of things men can take and do to better their lifestyles. But leaving an older man solely for the beauty of a younger man is foolish and unwise. Money may not be a factor in the relationship, but then it might be. Some younger women stay because of money while others leave because there is no assistance for what they have to put up with concerning an older man (ie. aging process, children with an ex, long work hours, etc.) so they go back to dating younger. However, young men, who aren't necessarily ready for a committed relationship, but think they are, have been known to be unfaithful, immature, and unreliable in serious relationships. Also, consider many who are irresponsible with their finances and selfish. But for those young men who aren't, the young woman just might find a treasure in more ways than one. For older men, who believe that a younger woman can complete him, know that most young women aren't established and don't have the wealth that he who has had decades to build. An older mate will find that at some point in the relationship his younger partner will need his financial assistance, so if he isn't the generous type, there will be issues.
These are just some of the many things one who is interested in leaving an older partner for a younger mate might run into. For some readers, this piece might have discouraged and if so, most likely you still love and respect your older mate. But for others, you may still want to leave your mate for any and all reasons, just keep in mind that those "in love" feelings with a new someone are temporary and they are not what builds a healthy long-lasting relationship, but you know that already. To your success!
Nicholl McGuire is the blogger for this blog. Check out others: Things to Do Bored and Parents, Babies, Children
Thursday
Their Not My Grandchildren...
It happens, mature fathers being mistaken for grandparents of young babies and children. "Your grandchildren are so cute and well-behaved..." the passer-byer says. "Not my grandchildren, their mine..." says the mature dad.
Have you been guilty of falsely assuming that someone older was a grandparent instead of a parent? Maybe this has happened to you or your mate. You may have experienced negative emotions as a result. For some men, it makes them feel old, but for others they just might need a humble moment such as this if they have been guilty of deceiving themselves into thinking they are young. Meanwhile, other men couldn't care less what someone says, and will write their comments off along with everything else, "It happens, so what."
Yet the grandchildren comment is one of those incidents in life that one might want to use to motivate himself to be the best dad he can possibly be during his remaining years. Why waste valuable moments of fatherhood chasing after selfish interests like many young dads? Someone or a group of individuals reminded you through their comments, "You are a father" irregardless. But some men, don't adjust well to their roles while others don't act like it. These older fathers refuse to embrace the fact that they aren't 20 or 30 plus anymore.
Being with a younger woman doesn't make an insecure older man look or feel any younger as he gets older, if anything, it just might remind him of how he should have, could have done some things differently in the past. However, children are here now, so one might as well plan a quality, pro-active life with everyone even if he isn't as youthful as he once was--no excuses. The man will have to eat properly, exercise, take supplements, and keep up--in more ways than one! The realization that his family is younger and he is older is a reality check that can help him progress or regress depending on how much he can look outside of himself. Having a young family and caring for them, is an unselfish act which many working mature men or retirees don't always accept or appreciate. They see bills, more than thrills and the idea of commitment gives them the chills--lol! For some, they rather act as if the young woman and children don't exist, a mistake that they wish they could erase.
A mature father that is secretly unhappy with his life choices might want to consider start living life in such a way his children won't grow up one day carrying feelings of resentment. "Dad really wasn't into us...dad loved his work more than us...I wish we had a younger dad at least he would play with us..." You may have thought such things about your own father.
If you do live to see your grandchildren, what stories might you tell about your sons and daughters? What have you learned so far about life? How might you do things better moving forward?
No matter how many people mistake you for being a grand-dad, know that what really matters is how much you love and care for your children--putting all titles aside.
Nicholl McGuire
Have you been guilty of falsely assuming that someone older was a grandparent instead of a parent? Maybe this has happened to you or your mate. You may have experienced negative emotions as a result. For some men, it makes them feel old, but for others they just might need a humble moment such as this if they have been guilty of deceiving themselves into thinking they are young. Meanwhile, other men couldn't care less what someone says, and will write their comments off along with everything else, "It happens, so what."
Yet the grandchildren comment is one of those incidents in life that one might want to use to motivate himself to be the best dad he can possibly be during his remaining years. Why waste valuable moments of fatherhood chasing after selfish interests like many young dads? Someone or a group of individuals reminded you through their comments, "You are a father" irregardless. But some men, don't adjust well to their roles while others don't act like it. These older fathers refuse to embrace the fact that they aren't 20 or 30 plus anymore.
Being with a younger woman doesn't make an insecure older man look or feel any younger as he gets older, if anything, it just might remind him of how he should have, could have done some things differently in the past. However, children are here now, so one might as well plan a quality, pro-active life with everyone even if he isn't as youthful as he once was--no excuses. The man will have to eat properly, exercise, take supplements, and keep up--in more ways than one! The realization that his family is younger and he is older is a reality check that can help him progress or regress depending on how much he can look outside of himself. Having a young family and caring for them, is an unselfish act which many working mature men or retirees don't always accept or appreciate. They see bills, more than thrills and the idea of commitment gives them the chills--lol! For some, they rather act as if the young woman and children don't exist, a mistake that they wish they could erase.
A mature father that is secretly unhappy with his life choices might want to consider start living life in such a way his children won't grow up one day carrying feelings of resentment. "Dad really wasn't into us...dad loved his work more than us...I wish we had a younger dad at least he would play with us..." You may have thought such things about your own father.
If you do live to see your grandchildren, what stories might you tell about your sons and daughters? What have you learned so far about life? How might you do things better moving forward?
No matter how many people mistake you for being a grand-dad, know that what really matters is how much you love and care for your children--putting all titles aside.
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
67-Year-Old Actor Steve Martin Welcomes His First Baby
If you thought you were too old to be a dad, think again. FYI Steve's wife is 41. Read article here.
Thursday
They Will Call You Ugly, Old and What Do You Want with My Daughter
Be prepared for the backlash, mature gentleman, if you want to date younger! There are some angry moms and dads who don't want their daughters dating in their words, "an old, ugly no-good man..." and whatever else they choose to call you either behind your back or to your face.
So what's with all the anger? You might think, as they look at you like one who has committed a crime. "She is old enough for me to date," you think.
Most likely, their beloved daughter has shared something about you that made them label you as "One to Watch." Your type may have been seen before or maybe they know how their daughter can be--whatever that means to them, so they don't really agree with you being in her life.
If you don't want a negative report getting back to your mate's friends or folks, then don't do anything that will make them want to call the police, show up on your doorstep, or forbid their daughter to never set eyes on you again. Shall we go down the list of things not to do?
1. Physically fight her.
2. Try to keep her in a room against her will.
3. Lie about a wife, a job, your past, etc.
4. Deny that you know someone in her family.
5. Act as if you are better than members of her family (even if it is true), don't act arrogant and then tell her about what you are thinking.
6. Play head games with her in an attempt to make her be what you want her to be. The family will be watching to see if she changes the way she looks for you, drops out of school, stops being around them, has no life of her own, etc.
Older men who find themselves in hot water with the family are those who think that they have a toy to play with, rather than a fellow human being who wants to be loved and treated with some respect. A controlling man, who likes to play mind games, will stop at nothing to get a young woman to fall in love with him. This is so that she will be loyal and take whatever he is dishing out. If he has a fetish, she will fulfill it. If he wants her to do some things that he could never get his wife to do, she will do it. If he desires a trophy and nothing more, then she will be it. Of course, none of which she does for him comes without a requested token or reward. You know, "I like those shoes, could you get them...? Do you think you can help me pay my student loan bill...?"
Why bother to seek out any woman, young or old, rich or poor, smart or dumb, to be nothing more than an object to meet one's selfish needs? A wise man who desires love is going to build a foundation and a reputation that says, "I am not an old fool. I seek a committed relationship. I want what is best for your daughter. I intend to respect her and I want her to do the same."
Now that, my friend, is a real man!
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Things to Do When Bored and Work Place Problems
So what's with all the anger? You might think, as they look at you like one who has committed a crime. "She is old enough for me to date," you think.
Most likely, their beloved daughter has shared something about you that made them label you as "One to Watch." Your type may have been seen before or maybe they know how their daughter can be--whatever that means to them, so they don't really agree with you being in her life.
If you don't want a negative report getting back to your mate's friends or folks, then don't do anything that will make them want to call the police, show up on your doorstep, or forbid their daughter to never set eyes on you again. Shall we go down the list of things not to do?1. Physically fight her.
2. Try to keep her in a room against her will.
3. Lie about a wife, a job, your past, etc.
4. Deny that you know someone in her family.
5. Act as if you are better than members of her family (even if it is true), don't act arrogant and then tell her about what you are thinking.
6. Play head games with her in an attempt to make her be what you want her to be. The family will be watching to see if she changes the way she looks for you, drops out of school, stops being around them, has no life of her own, etc.
Older men who find themselves in hot water with the family are those who think that they have a toy to play with, rather than a fellow human being who wants to be loved and treated with some respect. A controlling man, who likes to play mind games, will stop at nothing to get a young woman to fall in love with him. This is so that she will be loyal and take whatever he is dishing out. If he has a fetish, she will fulfill it. If he wants her to do some things that he could never get his wife to do, she will do it. If he desires a trophy and nothing more, then she will be it. Of course, none of which she does for him comes without a requested token or reward. You know, "I like those shoes, could you get them...? Do you think you can help me pay my student loan bill...?"
Why bother to seek out any woman, young or old, rich or poor, smart or dumb, to be nothing more than an object to meet one's selfish needs? A wise man who desires love is going to build a foundation and a reputation that says, "I am not an old fool. I seek a committed relationship. I want what is best for your daughter. I intend to respect her and I want her to do the same."
Now that, my friend, is a real man!
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others including Things to Do When Bored and Work Place Problems
Wednesday
His Family, Her Family Not Your Friends
Family is just that family. They may act like friends at times, but those who have been there for you through it all are meant to protect you, advise you, love you, and do whatever else for you, but don't expect the same from your dating partner's family.
So many girlfriends and boyfriends enter into families expecting to receive the same, if not better, treatment from their partner's family. They falsely assume that because they haven't been in any family wars with the in-laws that they will be treated like "one of the family." This phrase sounds nice in movies, but the reality is that maybe one or two of your mate's relatives might be open to embracing you like calling or visiting the two of you and really taking interest in who you are (and not necessarily what you have), but not most of your future inlaws. Therefore, they can't be trusted with private information about you or the status of your relationship with their loved one, so don't bother sharing deep feelings, whether written or verbal, because what you say might come back to haunt you one day. For instance, don't say something like, "I love her with all my heart and I will do almost anything to make sure she stays happy with me." Family won't forget.
When we feel comfortable around those "nice, polite," and "sweetheart" types of people, who don't appear like they could hurt a fly, we tend to talk too much. Grandma may act kind and Grandpa might be cordial too, but they just might have a dark side. Parents aren't always "cool" or "great to be around" so don't take the flattering statements too seriously. Chances are there are some things that your mate really doesn't want his or her family to know about your relationship, faith, upbringing, job, and more. It can be challenging to know what to say or what not to say when you don't talk to your mate about topics in advance. You wouldn't want to go to your girlfriend's or boyfriend's parents' home joining in on a conversation about how your mate can't cook, doesn't like to clean, and was good for nothing as a child. Imagine what the ride home will be like with your partner. If your relatives are mean-spirited, angry, bitter or have some sort of mental condition, don't hide these things say so. If your partner may not mesh very well with certain relatives then why bother bringing her or him to their setting? If you know you don't like your family for one reason or another, then deal with those issues without bringing someone you love into your mess. Warn him or her of those challenges you have with certain family members.
There are relatives who don't mind telling everyone all about you both good and bad. You may not be ready to tell your mate everything about you, so it would make sense not to bring her or him around big mouth relatives until you are comfortable about discussing how you feel about things. If you choose to procrastinate on certain issues, know that the big mouth relative will not hesitate to share information about your past, present and future the moment he or she is left alone with your mate.
Some couples will argue or defend favorite relatives by saying things like, "Well, that's not what she meant...I don't know why she said that, but she is really a great person...He isn't so bad." But the truth is, most relatives and friends mean what they say, they don't need a public relations campaign for or against them. They are not interested in making friends with your lover or many lovers, they are more concerned about getting to know who these people are who you claim you care about and whether or not one of them is a keeper or all are losers.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make early on in your intimate relationship is to argue with your special someone about what a family member's feelings are concerning him or her. People usually can detect whether feelings behind one's smile are genuine or fake, so when a mate communicates, "I don't believe your mom really likes me..." after several times of being around her, most likely she doesn't.
Naive, gullible people who are more concerned about impressing people, rather than studying them, will assume that everyone likes them and wants to be their friend, but let us be reminded that family are just family. They are more concerned about a loved one's happiness then being best buddies, so be mindful of what you say to them.
Nicholl McGuire
So many girlfriends and boyfriends enter into families expecting to receive the same, if not better, treatment from their partner's family. They falsely assume that because they haven't been in any family wars with the in-laws that they will be treated like "one of the family." This phrase sounds nice in movies, but the reality is that maybe one or two of your mate's relatives might be open to embracing you like calling or visiting the two of you and really taking interest in who you are (and not necessarily what you have), but not most of your future inlaws. Therefore, they can't be trusted with private information about you or the status of your relationship with their loved one, so don't bother sharing deep feelings, whether written or verbal, because what you say might come back to haunt you one day. For instance, don't say something like, "I love her with all my heart and I will do almost anything to make sure she stays happy with me." Family won't forget.
When we feel comfortable around those "nice, polite," and "sweetheart" types of people, who don't appear like they could hurt a fly, we tend to talk too much. Grandma may act kind and Grandpa might be cordial too, but they just might have a dark side. Parents aren't always "cool" or "great to be around" so don't take the flattering statements too seriously. Chances are there are some things that your mate really doesn't want his or her family to know about your relationship, faith, upbringing, job, and more. It can be challenging to know what to say or what not to say when you don't talk to your mate about topics in advance. You wouldn't want to go to your girlfriend's or boyfriend's parents' home joining in on a conversation about how your mate can't cook, doesn't like to clean, and was good for nothing as a child. Imagine what the ride home will be like with your partner. If your relatives are mean-spirited, angry, bitter or have some sort of mental condition, don't hide these things say so. If your partner may not mesh very well with certain relatives then why bother bringing her or him to their setting? If you know you don't like your family for one reason or another, then deal with those issues without bringing someone you love into your mess. Warn him or her of those challenges you have with certain family members.There are relatives who don't mind telling everyone all about you both good and bad. You may not be ready to tell your mate everything about you, so it would make sense not to bring her or him around big mouth relatives until you are comfortable about discussing how you feel about things. If you choose to procrastinate on certain issues, know that the big mouth relative will not hesitate to share information about your past, present and future the moment he or she is left alone with your mate.
Some couples will argue or defend favorite relatives by saying things like, "Well, that's not what she meant...I don't know why she said that, but she is really a great person...He isn't so bad." But the truth is, most relatives and friends mean what they say, they don't need a public relations campaign for or against them. They are not interested in making friends with your lover or many lovers, they are more concerned about getting to know who these people are who you claim you care about and whether or not one of them is a keeper or all are losers.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make early on in your intimate relationship is to argue with your special someone about what a family member's feelings are concerning him or her. People usually can detect whether feelings behind one's smile are genuine or fake, so when a mate communicates, "I don't believe your mom really likes me..." after several times of being around her, most likely she doesn't.
Naive, gullible people who are more concerned about impressing people, rather than studying them, will assume that everyone likes them and wants to be their friend, but let us be reminded that family are just family. They are more concerned about a loved one's happiness then being best buddies, so be mindful of what you say to them.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
When the Truth Hurts: How Long Do You Think Your Mate Will Keep Your Interest?
So the reality hits the older man like a ton of bricks being with the younger woman has been one of the many things he has done during his mid-life crisis that at times he regrets. Meanwhile, the younger woman has come to the realization that family and friends were right, she sincerely wanted a father figure in her life. So now that their harsh truths are staring them both in the face, now what? End the relationship? Not so fast. There are some feelings and possibly a child or two as a result of them being together. One can focus on the truth and plan an escape or learn from it while using it to build a better relationship with a stronger foundation.
Just how long a relationship will last between an enlightened mature man and a younger woman really can't be determined. It all depends on what they truly want from one another. Is longevity a possibility? Well if both look at the relationship as something that is very necessary to help them emotionally, physically and possibly spiritually so be it. But if one is carrying on with his or her partner, with frequent thoughts of break up, then it won't be long before those thoughts will manifest out of one's mouth.
Like a job, relationships must have dedicated parties who have a single objective that both can agree upon, the couple might desire to stay together by saying something like, "I seek a position in your life with the intentions on staying with you no matter what." Without a strong decree that both can live by and return to when trials come up, the relationship is on shaky ground. Both parties have to be willing to stay committed. If one notices that the other is not on board and is attempting to push him or her out of his or her life prematurely, one is starting a war that he or she may not be prepared to battle especially if this person still loves his or her partner. The individual who no longer believes in the relationship has to go through a break up process. It took some time to start a relationship and it will take some time to end it. Of course, disputes, name-calling and disrespect will cause individuals to act more quickly, but much damage may result particularly when children, material wealth and other things are involved.
You can find ways to stay interested in your younger or older partner if you both want to still remain together. But if one does and the other doesn't, don't waste your time, begin your process toward freedom, seeking needed time for self while creating a future that welcomes someone in your life that does want to be with you. The following are ways to keep love alive for those who have looked beyond the early reasons as to why they got together, and are now seeking some new reasons as to why they should stay together. They include:
1. Planning outings together and apart. Consider taking some time together and away from one another to think about what this person means to you and what you can do to better your relationship.
2. Watching romantic movies and listening to loving music together can also rekindle romance.
3. Church attendance, praying together and participating in bible studies or other positive group settings will bring you closer to your Creator which will ultimately help you make wise decisions.
4. Traveling to new places locally and elsewhere. You never know what new things you will discover about your mate if you are getting out and about.
5. Relocating. Sometimes environments can cause unnecessary stress on the relationship like living in cramped spaces or a chaotic neighborhood.
6. Counseling. Whether relationship, individual or spiritual, it helps to free yourself from past emotional ties, generational curses, etc. that keep you from going in a positive direction both personally and professionally.
7. Socializing with family and friends. Creating events that include positive family and friends who are in support of the two of you being together or visiting good role models who have quality relationships.
8. Tackling a "To Do" List. Sometimes the stress we experience in a relationship has nothing to do with the person, but everything to do with things we are not doing but we promised ourselves we would do. Putting off health appointments, not exercising or eating healthy, avoiding necessary paperwork regarding business issues, not cleaning or organizing one's home, and procrastinating on other issues will not make you the best person to be around. When a problem keeps coming up in your mind, body, spirit, or environment, you deal with it, don't look at your partner!
Nicholl McGuire
Think of some other things you could do to keep love alive, stress down, and overall live a little while longer!
Just how long a relationship will last between an enlightened mature man and a younger woman really can't be determined. It all depends on what they truly want from one another. Is longevity a possibility? Well if both look at the relationship as something that is very necessary to help them emotionally, physically and possibly spiritually so be it. But if one is carrying on with his or her partner, with frequent thoughts of break up, then it won't be long before those thoughts will manifest out of one's mouth.
Like a job, relationships must have dedicated parties who have a single objective that both can agree upon, the couple might desire to stay together by saying something like, "I seek a position in your life with the intentions on staying with you no matter what." Without a strong decree that both can live by and return to when trials come up, the relationship is on shaky ground. Both parties have to be willing to stay committed. If one notices that the other is not on board and is attempting to push him or her out of his or her life prematurely, one is starting a war that he or she may not be prepared to battle especially if this person still loves his or her partner. The individual who no longer believes in the relationship has to go through a break up process. It took some time to start a relationship and it will take some time to end it. Of course, disputes, name-calling and disrespect will cause individuals to act more quickly, but much damage may result particularly when children, material wealth and other things are involved.
You can find ways to stay interested in your younger or older partner if you both want to still remain together. But if one does and the other doesn't, don't waste your time, begin your process toward freedom, seeking needed time for self while creating a future that welcomes someone in your life that does want to be with you. The following are ways to keep love alive for those who have looked beyond the early reasons as to why they got together, and are now seeking some new reasons as to why they should stay together. They include:
1. Planning outings together and apart. Consider taking some time together and away from one another to think about what this person means to you and what you can do to better your relationship.
2. Watching romantic movies and listening to loving music together can also rekindle romance.
3. Church attendance, praying together and participating in bible studies or other positive group settings will bring you closer to your Creator which will ultimately help you make wise decisions.
4. Traveling to new places locally and elsewhere. You never know what new things you will discover about your mate if you are getting out and about.
5. Relocating. Sometimes environments can cause unnecessary stress on the relationship like living in cramped spaces or a chaotic neighborhood.
6. Counseling. Whether relationship, individual or spiritual, it helps to free yourself from past emotional ties, generational curses, etc. that keep you from going in a positive direction both personally and professionally.
7. Socializing with family and friends. Creating events that include positive family and friends who are in support of the two of you being together or visiting good role models who have quality relationships.
8. Tackling a "To Do" List. Sometimes the stress we experience in a relationship has nothing to do with the person, but everything to do with things we are not doing but we promised ourselves we would do. Putting off health appointments, not exercising or eating healthy, avoiding necessary paperwork regarding business issues, not cleaning or organizing one's home, and procrastinating on other issues will not make you the best person to be around. When a problem keeps coming up in your mind, body, spirit, or environment, you deal with it, don't look at your partner!
Nicholl McGuire
Think of some other things you could do to keep love alive, stress down, and overall live a little while longer!
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