Saturday
Crazy, Weird, Silly - Don't Settle for Someone You Don't Really Want
When I was younger if a man had a funny looking face, an annoying flaw like a bizarre laugh, or something else I didn't like, I simply didn't make him The Guy. You know that special one in your life you want to roll around in the bed with or the guy you take home to parents. As I grew older, I created additional standards for myself and didn't care whether he had a great sports car, a huge home, and a large bank roll, if he wasn't my type, I wasn't letting him see my legs, much less my boobs.
Seriously my friends, stop the settling and this goes for the mature men too. You want a 10, but yet you go out with a five? Sooner or later that "okay" looking young lady is going to know you just don't like her much. What about the smart gal who looks great, but you don't approach her because of whatever insecurities you are grappling with? So what if she says, "No, I have a boyfriend already." There are others, many others, who will give you a little bit of this and that if you are honest.
Crazy, weird and silly people are everywhere on and off the Internet and if you don't consider yourself to be one of the three, then why get involved with odd folks? I don't care how fine the hair, eye color, height, body type is, if I don't want him--I don't want him! This is a major issue with many singles, divorced, and even unavailable men and women, they either can't connect with good-looking people with a brain between their ears or they settle for what is convenient, nearby, easy, cheap, affordable, etc. Some daters treat online dating like shopping at Walmart. "Did the price drop yet...? Oh wow, two for one special. Is the meat fresh or is it expired? Where's my coupon? The store is right by my house. Is it Black Friday?" Now for some it just might be "black" Friday, but I digress. And for others, they are serious about the quality of meat they choose too...anyway, people have feelings, I repeat, people have feelings and there is more to them than their dating preferences, location and age.
So the next time you come across some individuals that really don't impress you, no matter how eager they are to try you like you are a tasty sample at the local Cosco or Sam's Club, politely move on. Chances are they just want whatever you are putting out anyway--nothing more, nothing less. But if you want a little more than a one time experience, then be prepared to put your work in and don't settle!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
Seriously my friends, stop the settling and this goes for the mature men too. You want a 10, but yet you go out with a five? Sooner or later that "okay" looking young lady is going to know you just don't like her much. What about the smart gal who looks great, but you don't approach her because of whatever insecurities you are grappling with? So what if she says, "No, I have a boyfriend already." There are others, many others, who will give you a little bit of this and that if you are honest.
Crazy, weird and silly people are everywhere on and off the Internet and if you don't consider yourself to be one of the three, then why get involved with odd folks? I don't care how fine the hair, eye color, height, body type is, if I don't want him--I don't want him! This is a major issue with many singles, divorced, and even unavailable men and women, they either can't connect with good-looking people with a brain between their ears or they settle for what is convenient, nearby, easy, cheap, affordable, etc. Some daters treat online dating like shopping at Walmart. "Did the price drop yet...? Oh wow, two for one special. Is the meat fresh or is it expired? Where's my coupon? The store is right by my house. Is it Black Friday?" Now for some it just might be "black" Friday, but I digress. And for others, they are serious about the quality of meat they choose too...anyway, people have feelings, I repeat, people have feelings and there is more to them than their dating preferences, location and age.
So the next time you come across some individuals that really don't impress you, no matter how eager they are to try you like you are a tasty sample at the local Cosco or Sam's Club, politely move on. Chances are they just want whatever you are putting out anyway--nothing more, nothing less. But if you want a little more than a one time experience, then be prepared to put your work in and don't settle!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
Thursday
Painful Sex, Bruises, Blood - What Some will Do for Love
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Painful Sex, Bruises, Blood - What Some will Do fo...: Whether an abusive lover is too big, too small, or just right but rough privately (if you know what I mean), some victims in emotionally an...
Wednesday
Married, Children and Work - When the Mature Man Just Wants Fun
I didn't know at 20 years old when the older gentleman approached me that he had a wife, children, and other responsibilities until I walked into his office and noticed the photo behind him. We weren't at his workplace to talk business, we were planning a date. I had no conscious, compassion or anything about marriage, children or anything related, because I just thought, "He's cute for an older guy."
You would have thought that at the moment I saw the photograph I would have backed off, politely excused myself and moved on, but I didn't. He noticed I was checking out the family photo, so he took it off the shelf and talked about what appeared to be a happy group. Since he had been out of state for months, he missed them, but he also wanted to have a good time.
I didn't give the man any sex, despite his alluding to it, but what I did give him was laughter. The smile that came on his face as we strolled a park was priceless! The 40 plus year old was enjoying the company of a 20 year old and neither one of us even bothered to talk about age.
Of course, my conscious began to catch up with me a few days later. I started to think, "What if I was his wife in that photo? And he has children...What if my dad was like that?" Cold chills came over me. The gentleman called me again requesting I hang out with him, but I politely declined.
Fast forward to present day, over 20 years later I now have a family of my own and I recognize that sometimes life can get quite boring. I realized that there are men and women who just get tired of partners, children, and work--I have been there. But we have choices and there are consequences to every decision we make.
I have observed and listened to men who just felt trapped in marriages, jobs and more. Their loveless relationships produced children that they really didn't want. They worked jobs they hated. Their spouses were giving them a hard time about looking externally for happiness. But sometimes you ask yourself, "When is it my turn to live a little?" I personally think there is nothing wrong with wanting to do some things you always wanted to do with your life within reason. Does it have to be about flings, fast cars and other typical things that midlife men in crisis desire?
I think there is far too much programming out there to subliminally lure married men as well as the committed retired to do the unthinkable because there is a lot of money to gain from this group who have spent decades saving money and want any excuse to dip in their investments. Sports cars are pricey, juggling more than one woman will result in increase revenue for entertainment spots, travel, and also a trip to divorce court, and more.
Women who enable the men who want some "fun" will also pay sooner or later mentally, spiritually and physically (because hot looks do go away especially when there's lots of relationship stress and yes, I was cheated on in the past). The married man tired of his current family may end up with yet another family that makes him even more miserable.
Being idle, creating fantasies in one's mind, and flirting with trouble will cause problems for all parties in one's quest to have a little fun. Consider doing some productive things that will keep you out of trouble while appeasing the need within to live a little.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
You would have thought that at the moment I saw the photograph I would have backed off, politely excused myself and moved on, but I didn't. He noticed I was checking out the family photo, so he took it off the shelf and talked about what appeared to be a happy group. Since he had been out of state for months, he missed them, but he also wanted to have a good time.
I didn't give the man any sex, despite his alluding to it, but what I did give him was laughter. The smile that came on his face as we strolled a park was priceless! The 40 plus year old was enjoying the company of a 20 year old and neither one of us even bothered to talk about age.
Of course, my conscious began to catch up with me a few days later. I started to think, "What if I was his wife in that photo? And he has children...What if my dad was like that?" Cold chills came over me. The gentleman called me again requesting I hang out with him, but I politely declined.
Fast forward to present day, over 20 years later I now have a family of my own and I recognize that sometimes life can get quite boring. I realized that there are men and women who just get tired of partners, children, and work--I have been there. But we have choices and there are consequences to every decision we make.
I have observed and listened to men who just felt trapped in marriages, jobs and more. Their loveless relationships produced children that they really didn't want. They worked jobs they hated. Their spouses were giving them a hard time about looking externally for happiness. But sometimes you ask yourself, "When is it my turn to live a little?" I personally think there is nothing wrong with wanting to do some things you always wanted to do with your life within reason. Does it have to be about flings, fast cars and other typical things that midlife men in crisis desire?
I think there is far too much programming out there to subliminally lure married men as well as the committed retired to do the unthinkable because there is a lot of money to gain from this group who have spent decades saving money and want any excuse to dip in their investments. Sports cars are pricey, juggling more than one woman will result in increase revenue for entertainment spots, travel, and also a trip to divorce court, and more.
Women who enable the men who want some "fun" will also pay sooner or later mentally, spiritually and physically (because hot looks do go away especially when there's lots of relationship stress and yes, I was cheated on in the past). The married man tired of his current family may end up with yet another family that makes him even more miserable.
Being idle, creating fantasies in one's mind, and flirting with trouble will cause problems for all parties in one's quest to have a little fun. Consider doing some productive things that will keep you out of trouble while appeasing the need within to live a little.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Tuesday
It Isn't Always Business as Usual: Some Older Men are Kinky
He might look kind, sweet, youthful and harmless, but some mature gentlemen enjoy doing some things that cause discomfort, pain, and nightmares. If you go along, just to get along Young Lady, you just mind find yourself needing therapy one day.
Let's face it some women are ill-equipped to handle some unique, interesting, painful and downright strange experiences sexual and otherwise and to expose them to such things might mentally break them down to the point that they are useless even to themselves. Drugs, alcohol, and other things are used to lower one's inhibitions in many weird situations, but just how low does an individual want to go? What might be the consequences if a young lady reaches a point of no return? Will one be ready to face those issues and still sleep at night?
There are some aspects about dating that are just unexpected and if a young woman is in the dark about some things she will be frightened and possibly will get law enforcement and others involved. This is why one needs to know a person well and if she is interested in doing some wild things then that is her choice, but she should never be talked or forced into doing things she just doesn't want to do.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Let's face it some women are ill-equipped to handle some unique, interesting, painful and downright strange experiences sexual and otherwise and to expose them to such things might mentally break them down to the point that they are useless even to themselves. Drugs, alcohol, and other things are used to lower one's inhibitions in many weird situations, but just how low does an individual want to go? What might be the consequences if a young lady reaches a point of no return? Will one be ready to face those issues and still sleep at night?
There are some aspects about dating that are just unexpected and if a young woman is in the dark about some things she will be frightened and possibly will get law enforcement and others involved. This is why one needs to know a person well and if she is interested in doing some wild things then that is her choice, but she should never be talked or forced into doing things she just doesn't want to do.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books.
Isolation: When the Older Man Doesn't Want His Young Woman Around Anyone But Him
He's out there, that nice guy who says in such a nice voice, "You are so pretty, I just want you all to myself." This mature man knows exactly what he is doing when he subtly or quite boldly tells a young woman what he expects from her. "I really enjoy your company, come around more often. Whatever you need I can supply those things for you..." Now if she isn't discerning, she will just laugh and dismiss what he says as unimportant. The young lady assumes that her life is still her own--independent and free even with her gentleman suitor. Little does she know, she will soon be entering a world where she will be repeatedly asked to shut off her phone off, stay with him, move away with him, etc. Family, friends, co-workers and others are just not welcome. Gradually the older man's critical voice will rise up and object to anyone or anything that interferes with his attempt at building an isolated world where it's just two and no more.
As she draws near to the man who "means the world to me," it will become increasingly difficult to reach the young woman, because his mind control will begin to take root. Her voice mail will pick up, but she won't. E-mails from acquaintances will go unopened. She will become a stranger to friends. Her family will begin to worry. Meanwhile, the older, controlling man will have her right where he wants her with him and only him.
Isolation is a form of abuse. Many mature, abusive men are either unaware of what they are doing, don't care or do care and systematically isolate their victims. Persuading or forcing someone to stay in a room, a home, a car, etc. knowing full well she wants to see people and do things apart from you is deceptive, controlling and evil.
Maybe the young female doesn't want to be bothered with her family and if that is the case, then her older gentleman friend might want to encourage her to at least write or call them just to let them know that everything is alright sometimes. But some men are content with their partners staying away from relatives, co-workers, friends, and even children, because this means they will remain loyal to them.
If the young woman should rebel against her older mate's wishes and decide that she is going to see her loved ones, talk to male friends, shop alone, work late hours, or anything else that she wants to do, then there is a psychological hell he will put her through whether in gentle ways using sweet words and affection or harsh ones using threats and fists. If loved ones should come around, these jealousy men will ignore partners and them, fight, or do things to make all parties feel unwelcome when visiting the couple's residence. He doesn't want them showing up and he doesn't mind acting rude, critical and bitter around them either. These controlling men might make their partners feel guilty when they want to go some where without them or if they should decline seeing their relatives.
A young woman who knows her partner is isolating her is going to act fearful when he does things that keep her close to him. She isn't going to tell others what is happening, because she doesn't want to look bad or make others think negatively about a man she has bragged about or defended. She also feels ashamed and angered about the way her mate acts when her loved ones are around. So the young woman will distance herself from family and friends, put a limit on outside activities, or don't do much at all just so that she doesn't have to deal with her mean-spirited partner's bad-mouthing and tantrums as a result of her wanting to see loved ones, go places, etc.
You may be a victim, an abuser or know of someone in a relationship where isolation is ongoing. Take a look at what is happening, bring attention to the problem and seek solutions. It is not "okay, normal" or a loving thing to say and do things to keep a person isolated, nor should one abandon a friend who you know is in an abusive relationship. Much of this isolation behavior derives from jealousy, insecurities, childhood issues, and being a victim possibly of abuse yourself. Don't enable dysfunction, speak up, establish boundaries and if necessary end the relationship.
1. Tells you what to do with your money or tells you not to work, so you will not be out and about.
2. Causes friction between you and others due to negative words he says about them i.e.) He lies.
3. Creates a list of things you are expected to do when interacting with others i.e.) "You only go places with me. You are not permitted to talk to the opposite sex when I'm not around whether on or off the Internet..."
4. Doesn't want people visiting the residence--makes all sorts of excuses.
5. Doesn't want to visit your relatives and friends and would rather you don't go either.
6. Suddenly comes up with "plans" to keep you from going places.
7. Tells you some things like, "It's just me and you, we don't need anyone...We can stay at home, we don't need to go anywhere...All we need is each other...We can be all alone on an island--just you and I, Baby."
8. Calls and checks up on you often and may even joke about you, "Staying put. I hope you aren't going anywhere, you stay in your place, Woman."
9. Complains, vents, yells, threatens or does things to keep you from leaving the home.
10. Offers to do many things so that you are never in an atmosphere where you could possibly meet and talk to other men i.e.) shops for you, runs errands, fixes things, offers to go places with you, etc.
As she draws near to the man who "means the world to me," it will become increasingly difficult to reach the young woman, because his mind control will begin to take root. Her voice mail will pick up, but she won't. E-mails from acquaintances will go unopened. She will become a stranger to friends. Her family will begin to worry. Meanwhile, the older, controlling man will have her right where he wants her with him and only him.
Isolation is a form of abuse. Many mature, abusive men are either unaware of what they are doing, don't care or do care and systematically isolate their victims. Persuading or forcing someone to stay in a room, a home, a car, etc. knowing full well she wants to see people and do things apart from you is deceptive, controlling and evil.
Maybe the young female doesn't want to be bothered with her family and if that is the case, then her older gentleman friend might want to encourage her to at least write or call them just to let them know that everything is alright sometimes. But some men are content with their partners staying away from relatives, co-workers, friends, and even children, because this means they will remain loyal to them.
If the young woman should rebel against her older mate's wishes and decide that she is going to see her loved ones, talk to male friends, shop alone, work late hours, or anything else that she wants to do, then there is a psychological hell he will put her through whether in gentle ways using sweet words and affection or harsh ones using threats and fists. If loved ones should come around, these jealousy men will ignore partners and them, fight, or do things to make all parties feel unwelcome when visiting the couple's residence. He doesn't want them showing up and he doesn't mind acting rude, critical and bitter around them either. These controlling men might make their partners feel guilty when they want to go some where without them or if they should decline seeing their relatives.
A young woman who knows her partner is isolating her is going to act fearful when he does things that keep her close to him. She isn't going to tell others what is happening, because she doesn't want to look bad or make others think negatively about a man she has bragged about or defended. She also feels ashamed and angered about the way her mate acts when her loved ones are around. So the young woman will distance herself from family and friends, put a limit on outside activities, or don't do much at all just so that she doesn't have to deal with her mean-spirited partner's bad-mouthing and tantrums as a result of her wanting to see loved ones, go places, etc.
You may be a victim, an abuser or know of someone in a relationship where isolation is ongoing. Take a look at what is happening, bring attention to the problem and seek solutions. It is not "okay, normal" or a loving thing to say and do things to keep a person isolated, nor should one abandon a friend who you know is in an abusive relationship. Much of this isolation behavior derives from jealousy, insecurities, childhood issues, and being a victim possibly of abuse yourself. Don't enable dysfunction, speak up, establish boundaries and if necessary end the relationship.
Isolation Tactics an Abuser will Use
1. Tells you what to do with your money or tells you not to work, so you will not be out and about.
2. Causes friction between you and others due to negative words he says about them i.e.) He lies.
3. Creates a list of things you are expected to do when interacting with others i.e.) "You only go places with me. You are not permitted to talk to the opposite sex when I'm not around whether on or off the Internet..."
4. Doesn't want people visiting the residence--makes all sorts of excuses.
5. Doesn't want to visit your relatives and friends and would rather you don't go either.
6. Suddenly comes up with "plans" to keep you from going places.
7. Tells you some things like, "It's just me and you, we don't need anyone...We can stay at home, we don't need to go anywhere...All we need is each other...We can be all alone on an island--just you and I, Baby."
8. Calls and checks up on you often and may even joke about you, "Staying put. I hope you aren't going anywhere, you stay in your place, Woman."
9. Complains, vents, yells, threatens or does things to keep you from leaving the home.
10. Offers to do many things so that you are never in an atmosphere where you could possibly meet and talk to other men i.e.) shops for you, runs errands, fixes things, offers to go places with you, etc.
Tuesday
Her Immaturity Wearing Off on You?
You didn't anticipate that the young woman's youthful spirit, energetic demeanor, and other interesting things about her would rub off on you. But there are those immature sayings, silly expressions, and other annoying things that just don't compliment her well. In addition, you catch yourself acting like her.
When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc. Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
When you are set in your ways, mature, and know right from wrong, it can be troubling to look at yourself one day reverting back to a time in your life that you didn't find all that fun, smart, etc. Young people can bring out the best or worst in you, so beware of those times that you are just not being "adult" about some things.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Say Goodbye to Dad and other books.
Saturday
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Controlling People Don't Think They Smell, Unattra...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Controlling People Don't Think They Smell, Unattra...: Spend enough time with someone who enjoys telling others what to do and how to do it, and you will soon find that the individual isn't ...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)