With the weather warmer, more and more singles will be out and about checking out one another. You don't want to miss out on the action if you're ready to connect with someone new, so do make time to get out and about! But before you do, consider the following so that you are not wasting your time this mating season.
1. Don't assume the first person who shows you some interest (and who happens to be younger or older) is meant to be. Long term commitment is the last thing you should be thinking of when you barely know someone.
2. Find some common interests before you make arrangements to meet or spend your hard-earned money on someone. People might look like your ideal, but it doesn't mean that mentally you will mesh with them.
3. Never expect someone will give you anything just because you gave the individual something first.
4. Stop talking about exes! They are your former partners for good reason!
5. Just because your older or younger means nothing, so don't dwell on age! There are mature and immature people in all age groups. However, keep in mind the wider the age gap, the more differences you will encounter sooner or later.
6. Lastly, appreciate your time with someone and most of all be respectful even if they aren't big on respect, because you never know how he or she might benefit you later. It is a small world you know!
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Nicholl McGuire
A age gap dating advice blog that provides valuable tips when dating older men and younger women. Thought-provoking relationship tips for older men seeking to date younger women. Please be advised to seek a professional for serious issues. Contributors are not all licensed or trained in relationship counseling. This blog is not for people under the age of 18.
Saturday
Wednesday
Sunday
Your Older Date's Relationship with Mom
Whether he is very close, somewhat close or not at all due to conflict, death or something else, you just might learn much about how he might treat you. Not every man, who appears to have a great relationship with mom, will be nice and respectful to their dates too.
Some men feel obligated to be obedient to mom because they fear or worry about her. There are many people who have no idea or concept that they are being manipulated by their mothers. Nor do they comprehend how their relationship (or lack thereof) with mom is connected with how they generally treat women.
Watch for these signs and more that a man is not very kind or respectful toward women:
1. He feels he is smarter and/or more responsible than women.
2. He speaks harshly about them.
3. He makes offensive jokes about the opposite sex.
4. He claims to have a close relationship with his mom, yet he badmouths her.
5. He doesn't act like he cares for his mother much even when she is having a tough time.
6. He talks positively about men and tends to bond well with them, but women he is mean and disrespectful.
7. You feel like you are walking on eggshells with him.
When you notice these signs, you have a choice to confront the man about his behavior, keep your distance, or drop him altogether. Men who are mean-spirited when it comes to women are not good guys to be around. A mother's impact is quite powerful: good, bad or otherwise. Don't underestimate it. If a man should say, "I really can't stand my mother...I hate what she did to me...I wish she was never my mother...I can't forgive her for...She really gets on my nerves," you have every right to be wary of him. Check out "Tell Me Mother You're Sorry" by Nicholl McGuire
Some men feel obligated to be obedient to mom because they fear or worry about her. There are many people who have no idea or concept that they are being manipulated by their mothers. Nor do they comprehend how their relationship (or lack thereof) with mom is connected with how they generally treat women.
Watch for these signs and more that a man is not very kind or respectful toward women:
1. He feels he is smarter and/or more responsible than women.
2. He speaks harshly about them.
3. He makes offensive jokes about the opposite sex.
4. He claims to have a close relationship with his mom, yet he badmouths her.
5. He doesn't act like he cares for his mother much even when she is having a tough time.
6. He talks positively about men and tends to bond well with them, but women he is mean and disrespectful.
7. You feel like you are walking on eggshells with him.
When you notice these signs, you have a choice to confront the man about his behavior, keep your distance, or drop him altogether. Men who are mean-spirited when it comes to women are not good guys to be around. A mother's impact is quite powerful: good, bad or otherwise. Don't underestimate it. If a man should say, "I really can't stand my mother...I hate what she did to me...I wish she was never my mother...I can't forgive her for...She really gets on my nerves," you have every right to be wary of him. Check out "Tell Me Mother You're Sorry" by Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Your Date Told You Some Things About His/Her Past - Are You Listening?
Your date will tell you about his or her past growing up like there was abuse, trauma, violence or emotional abuse between parents, and more.
What is the likelihood that he or she will one day blow up on you?
Monday
Sunday
Thursday
Monday
Sunday
Dating Older African American Men
My dating older African American men experiences started when I was 19 years old and stopped soon after I got married the first time, broke up started back up, and then ended after meeting my online date and marrying him (all at least eight plus years older--the oldest being almost 20 year age difference).
The first mature man that took interest in dating me was a 41 year old who was hiding his thinning hair as best he could. I accidentally brushed up against it once and he straightened it out as fast he could while looking downcast. I apologized and felt bad for him. Anyway, I was happy to go out with the nice guy still in college like me at the time. I was especially proud to be seen with him after seeing the black Stingray I would be riding in on our first date! Not a rental--he owned it because he was one of the few guys I met who did some wise things with his money during his youth.
My parents jaws dropped when they heard the sports car arrive in the front of their home. They forgot all about how old he was and he didn't look his age which was alright with them--I guess. I didn't bother to get their opinion, I was too busy thinking about all the fun I was going to have with this one.
The tall African American gentleman slowly got out the shiny car that looked like it just came off the showroom floor. Once he saw me coming down the stairs outside my parents home, he headed over to the passenger side to open the door, he smiled warmly after looking me over. I was dressed to kill and just as sharp as the automobile!
He wasn't the first man that would take me to quality restaurants, make promises of traveling around the country and elsewhere, and talk of making me a wife and mother one day. The same year more older men, more promises, gifts, and dates. Later came promise and engagement rings from the divorced, the married getting a divorce, the friends with benefits, the abusive man, and the momma's boy. The following year and more years to come more of the same.
I noticed a pattern while dating older, black men I dated born around the 1960s (Civil Rights Movement)--they were chauvinistic and a few angry. Yep, I said it. These men enjoyed the company of beautiful women, complimented them much, and even bought them some things, but wasn't much interest in personal opinion, counsel, or requests unless they benefited in some way. On top of the loveless connections (at least on my end) I wasn't the only woman with several, I was one of a group--the fresh meat, the rebound chic, the smart one, or PYT (pretty young thang) that was also being persuaded to wait for whatever--a relationship, money, car, home--whatever! But of course the sweet lines of, "I will drop everyone for you...You are so gorgeous, sexy...I love you. I will leave my wife..." Huh, what wife?
Anyone who has dated a black man knows how charming they can be with their smooth words. They can melt the underwear off of you--I kid you not! While giving you small tokens, some are expecting you to pay for major purchases or invest in their dreams. I noticed when tactics didn't work with me and other black women, some of these same men went off to be with white women--didn't bother me, enjoy.
I did not like the subtle as well as blatant control tactics many of these men used to feed their egos. I could see that there was also some commitment issues with many of them that's why I didn't continue to date them. Given that there is less than 15% of African Americans in the United States (last I checked the population stats) that means there isn't a whole lot of available men. You have many incarcerated, gay, bi-sexual, ill, and too young to date of that percentage. Those suitable for dating are great catches but have their share of issues including: unemployed, addictions, mental disorders, exes, children from previous relationships (and mothers who don't necessarily want to let them go), dating inter-racially (not black women) and have mistresses or girlfriends. A smaller percentage are faithful and mainly at home when not working but also have their woes. The dating scene is indeed tough when it comes to connecting with quality older black men and even more challenging when trying to marry.
Things are even more difficult when there are those African American men, who are single and childless, but don't take care of themselves. They seek younger women, but they don't get very far because some just aren't attractive. However, with a fat wallet, suddenly they are "fine" and "sexy" according to some single, gold-digging women of all races.
Nicholl McGuire
The first mature man that took interest in dating me was a 41 year old who was hiding his thinning hair as best he could. I accidentally brushed up against it once and he straightened it out as fast he could while looking downcast. I apologized and felt bad for him. Anyway, I was happy to go out with the nice guy still in college like me at the time. I was especially proud to be seen with him after seeing the black Stingray I would be riding in on our first date! Not a rental--he owned it because he was one of the few guys I met who did some wise things with his money during his youth.
My parents jaws dropped when they heard the sports car arrive in the front of their home. They forgot all about how old he was and he didn't look his age which was alright with them--I guess. I didn't bother to get their opinion, I was too busy thinking about all the fun I was going to have with this one.
The tall African American gentleman slowly got out the shiny car that looked like it just came off the showroom floor. Once he saw me coming down the stairs outside my parents home, he headed over to the passenger side to open the door, he smiled warmly after looking me over. I was dressed to kill and just as sharp as the automobile!
He wasn't the first man that would take me to quality restaurants, make promises of traveling around the country and elsewhere, and talk of making me a wife and mother one day. The same year more older men, more promises, gifts, and dates. Later came promise and engagement rings from the divorced, the married getting a divorce, the friends with benefits, the abusive man, and the momma's boy. The following year and more years to come more of the same.
I noticed a pattern while dating older, black men I dated born around the 1960s (Civil Rights Movement)--they were chauvinistic and a few angry. Yep, I said it. These men enjoyed the company of beautiful women, complimented them much, and even bought them some things, but wasn't much interest in personal opinion, counsel, or requests unless they benefited in some way. On top of the loveless connections (at least on my end) I wasn't the only woman with several, I was one of a group--the fresh meat, the rebound chic, the smart one, or PYT (pretty young thang) that was also being persuaded to wait for whatever--a relationship, money, car, home--whatever! But of course the sweet lines of, "I will drop everyone for you...You are so gorgeous, sexy...I love you. I will leave my wife..." Huh, what wife?
Anyone who has dated a black man knows how charming they can be with their smooth words. They can melt the underwear off of you--I kid you not! While giving you small tokens, some are expecting you to pay for major purchases or invest in their dreams. I noticed when tactics didn't work with me and other black women, some of these same men went off to be with white women--didn't bother me, enjoy.
I did not like the subtle as well as blatant control tactics many of these men used to feed their egos. I could see that there was also some commitment issues with many of them that's why I didn't continue to date them. Given that there is less than 15% of African Americans in the United States (last I checked the population stats) that means there isn't a whole lot of available men. You have many incarcerated, gay, bi-sexual, ill, and too young to date of that percentage. Those suitable for dating are great catches but have their share of issues including: unemployed, addictions, mental disorders, exes, children from previous relationships (and mothers who don't necessarily want to let them go), dating inter-racially (not black women) and have mistresses or girlfriends. A smaller percentage are faithful and mainly at home when not working but also have their woes. The dating scene is indeed tough when it comes to connecting with quality older black men and even more challenging when trying to marry.
Things are even more difficult when there are those African American men, who are single and childless, but don't take care of themselves. They seek younger women, but they don't get very far because some just aren't attractive. However, with a fat wallet, suddenly they are "fine" and "sexy" according to some single, gold-digging women of all races.
Nicholl McGuire
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