Independent Woman: A Blessing & A Curse

Oh, how could it be that an independent woman could be both a blessing and a curse!?  Well nowadays this is just what she is.  You see, to an older man who grew up during a time when many women depended on a man to be both the breadwinner as well as drive the family from point a to point b, he is use to seeing men be the head in the family.  So he may think that he should take care that his partner is never without money and/or his service.  However, independent women of our present day actually frown on relationships like that.  They wonder what is wrong with a woman who relies on a man to drive her around or requests money from a man.  "She can do those things herself!"  They cry.  Sure, but if the partnership is working, who are we to judge? 

When the independent woman contributes to the relationship her finances or other material things, she is considered a blessing to a man.  However, when she expresses independent thoughts or ways that seem to overlook or overshadow her man, she is considered a curse.  The older man enjoys the fruits of her labor, but doesn't want her to control anything, because he feels like a leadership role is his proper place in the home.  Yet, independent women (especially those who have attended college) are very much like men, they are taught to not only service the people, but lead them too!  Great mentality for the workplace, but not so great for intimate relationships!  Too many leaders anywhere can create problems. 

Independent women everywhere are doing well for themselves there is no question about it.  There are both young and older men who take notice too!  Some think, "Well, what can she do for me? I mean, I could use some help in my finances and in my quest to get ahead.  I could use her to help me get where I want to be."  This is where being independent can also be a curse.  A successful woman is an easy target for men who aren't so successful; therefore she can easily be taken for granted. 

Couples must get an understanding, before they start seriously dating exclusively on what kind of relationship they hope to have with one another.  If the older man is the type who believes that a man should be king over his castle, then the two should talk about that.  If the woman believes that she should be treated equal or even treated like the head in the relationship, then the older man should take note.

Both mentalities will lead to future problems if neither aren't willing to reach compromises.

There are many young independent thinking women who consider men to be icing on their cakes (so to speak) similar to how men have long thought of women.  They don't see men as an important foundation in building up the relationship; rather these woman of today want to not only plan the cake, but also cook it and if a man comes along and wants to decorate it, that's okay, but it's not a requirement.  An older man who doesn't have this understanding with his younger partner on what his role is in the relationship will have problems with a younger women!  He should never assume that he knows younger women and how they think.  Just like most clothes, one size doesn't fit all.  She may remind you of someone and may even look like that person, but you must remind yourself that she is not!

Young women must also respect older men and their views about relationships--a man 10 plus years does have a different mindset than a man who is the same age as a young woman.  As mentioned in this blog before, a considerably younger woman can't teach a considerably older man new tricks especially if he is too tired, too busy, too stressed or simply too old to do what she asks. 

Far too many women, both young and old, desire to change men, and as we all know from watching other people go through bad relationships, it just doesn't work!   Couples, the ones that last, know when to just wave the white flag and say, "I surrender!"  An independent young woman who has her sights on her ambitions is not about to raise a white flag for anyone unless she sees some kind of benefit.  The older man must ask himself, "What am I willing to put up with?" 

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Remember a young woman and an older man come from two different mindsets, possibly cultures, ethnicities, and the like.  Neither should expect to dance by the beat of each other's drum without giving up something.  The problem is an older man who is set in his ways isn't about to listen to someone younger and possibly inexperienced unless he sees some benefit.  A younger woman most likely had problems listening to her father or some other older male relative growing up, so the last thing she wants is another father figure. 

Both the younger woman and the older man will want to seriously evaluate the relationship and what exactly are the pros and cons to being with one another. He or she may want to seriously handle "the issues" (whatever they might be) as they arise without having to deal with the age factor unless need be.

In the heat of battle, no young woman wants to be called, "stupid, irresponsible or naïve" because she is younger and no older man wants to be called, "old, tired, forgetful or retarded" because he is older.  But when someone who thinks with an independent mindset feels like he or she knows better and really doesn't feel like his or her partner is an asset to one's life, he or she will act disrespectful, arrogant or downright ignorant.  Watch for these signs and more in your own relationship and be prepared to walk away when the time is right.

Nicholl McGuire

Love or Sex? Young Woman You Ought to Find Out What He Wants

Give it a little time, you know this dating relationship some of you young ladies might be in as I type.  He wants something from you, most likely if you ask your older man, "Do you want love or sex from me?" He will answer, "Both."  Nice response, but this isn't all you should be accepting.  Watch as well as listen.

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There are older men who have everything planned out in terms of what kind of relationship they want, what they are willing to put forth, and what they will not settle for.  If he has been there and done that with marriage more than once, then he might not be interested in a serious relationship at this time.  If he is still wondering whether or not you are the one, he may not even love you, much less, like you.

You won't know what is really going on inside that man's head if you are not asking questions and observing his actions.  Is what he is saying, matching his actions?  Most older men know what to expect when it comes to dating and marriage, because they have years of experience.  They have been the player and been played.  They have watched their father, uncles, and others in their families play women.  So an older man, unless he has a mental handicap, has a plan of action when it comes to loving and sexing a woman.  He isn't interested in what she has to say if she isn't establishing boundaries from the minute he has laid eyes on her.

Men are attentive to women who not only look good, but have something between their ears (notice I didn't refer to that other thing--lol,) called a brain.  So some men like what is between one's legs as well, but is that going to keep the relationship going when he runs into some challenging times in his life?  What are you offering besides a pretty smile and a butt?

If you want love, Young Woman, then let it find and dine you.  If you desire a real companion, then put the breaks on all the romantic settings, and just allow you two to learn more about one another without the fluff like pretty hair, painted nails, a nice dress and a great restaurant.

Who is that man that calls you on the phone, really?  What is really going on between the lines of text and email that he sends you?  Does he really love you for always or does he just want to sex you today?

Nicholl McGuire

Don't Believe the Hype: Not All Young Women Can Be "Trained"

I couldn't believe my ears, some years ago, I was told by someone, who had been around the block or two one too many times in life, that the reason why he specifically dated young women and others like him was because they were "trainable."  Like dogs, he believed that he could get a woman to act in a way he wanted.  Little did I know that later in life I would run into my share of men who thought that I was one of those "trainable" types.  They quickly got a rude awakening!

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It is so sad that there are men in this world who have been given such relationship advice when it comes to dating younger women.  They believe that if they can get young women (or any woman) to "go along just to get along" the relationship will work out in their favor.  Keep in mind the plan doesn't include having to give up anything that makes him a little bit uncomfortable or inconvenienced for a short or  long period of time. Maybe the older man is a father of small children and needs someone to babysit them so that he can have some personal time since the mother is no longer around, women his own age may not be interested in the role, but a young woman just might.  Although he may tell the younger woman, "I don't need you to raise my children, I just need a companion," if she is wise, she knows better.  How are you going to be in a serious relationship with any man who frequently has his children around him and you have zero influence on them unless you never interact with them?  The intention of the man is not to keep his new woman out of the loop, if anything, he is looking for a help mate or dare I say it, for the player type, someone he can take advantage of!

Now some women, whether young or old, fall for the niceties that mask one's true intent; however, others know better.  The manipulative older man is not going to get a young, wise woman to go along with anything without her questioning everything!  This is one of the main reason why some stubborn, settled older men will never get along with the independent, career minded younger women of today.  She isn't going to accept a simple yes or no answer from an older man when the question asked requires a full explanation.  She is going to be curious about public affiliations as well as private interests.  The wise, young woman has a "head on her shoulders" which makes her not trainable.  The manipulative older man should save some time and energy-- just move on!

Like young women who don't have much in life to start, the older man doesn't have much life left, so he is going to make the most of it!  "What can this young woman do for me?" He thinks.  "How can I get her to see things my way?"  The older man doesn't think he needs to do much compromising with the immature and youthful, because in his mind, he feels he has already paid many dues in life and besides he has been there and done that.

The older man has experienced long term relationships in the past, he knows what he has to give up.  He has heard the complaints and concerns from his previous sexual conquests.  So with a young woman (also known as a fresh piece of meat in the eyes of some lustful men,) he believes he can convince her that he isn't that person he used to be.  For some men, they do change, but not without sacrifice.  Some have lost finances, partners, children, homes and more to be that nice, humbled guy standing before you.  However, others will never change no matter what happens to them, if anything, things just might get worse for them and those who they choose to partner up with!  Would you want to be that young woman who comes into his life unsuspecting that he has a plan to train you, so that he can benefit in the short or long term?

Sometimes we have to put ourselves in other people's shoes when we come up with plans to try to make people do what we want.  That young woman is someone's daughter and that older man is oftentimes someone's father or even grandfather.  How would you feel if you were either or and along comes someone with a hidden agenda in your life?

Nicholl McGuire
Author of She's Crazy 

One of the Worst Mistakes a Young Woman Makes When Dating Older Men

I was thinking about one of the worst mistakes I made as well as other young women that I have known over the years who have dated someone older. The worst mistake we made was trust that everything an older, married man tells you is truth.

Gullible young women who want to be loved fall for the old, "I don't love my wife" trick.  They assume that the relationship between the older man and his ex is emotionally and physically over after 10 plus years and that somehow the once loyal, married older man is now in love with the younger woman.  Not so fast!  Even if he isn't sleeping with that older woman that he has left behind, doesn't mean that his heart is over her.

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Young women want older men who can love them the way they want to be loved.  These women have had bad experiences with young, immature men.  What a breath of fresh air when the young woman finds an older man who sincerely loves her even if he is still married!  However, beware that there are some married men who just need a temporary distraction, something that will make them forget about their future ex who just so happens to be the mother of their children, a business partner, or an on again off again lover.

Young women, don't allow yourselves to be caught in a married man's lies!  "I don't love her...we never have sex...I wasn't sleeping with her...I don't visit her...we don't talk on the phone...I'm going to divorce her and marry you...I love you...we have so much in common..."

The deceptive, older man manipulates his words to get you to perform in ways that he wants.  If he desires to date you and wants you to date him exclusively, then he will make himself more available to you and he might give you some money and gifts to keep you interested.  If he wants sex from you, then he will test you to see how much work he might have to put in to get you to go to bed with him.  Meanwhile, his heart may be reserved for that woman he left who helped him raise children, build a business, invest in property, and more.  You might recall the deceptive, older man say something to you like, "I broke up with the ex because we no longer got along, she was boring...didn't appreciate me...always argued...cheated."  Sure, and he never did anything wrong always said, "please and thank you."  Don't fall for it!

One day that older man is going to realize that he would have been better off with the wife of his youth; rather than try to get a new one to preserve his youth and that's when hearts will be broken.  Don't be gullible!  Young women, watch more and talk less when dealing with an older man and never trust everything he says as truth until proven otherwise.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate