Don't Believe the Hype: Not All Young Women Can Be "Trained"

I couldn't believe my ears, some years ago, I was told by someone, who had been around the block or two one too many times in life, that the reason why he specifically dated young women and others like him was because they were "trainable."  Like dogs, he believed that he could get a woman to act in a way he wanted.  Little did I know that later in life I would run into my share of men who thought that I was one of those "trainable" types.  They quickly got a rude awakening!

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It is so sad that there are men in this world who have been given such relationship advice when it comes to dating younger women.  They believe that if they can get young women (or any woman) to "go along just to get along" the relationship will work out in their favor.  Keep in mind the plan doesn't include having to give up anything that makes him a little bit uncomfortable or inconvenienced for a short or  long period of time. Maybe the older man is a father of small children and needs someone to babysit them so that he can have some personal time since the mother is no longer around, women his own age may not be interested in the role, but a young woman just might.  Although he may tell the younger woman, "I don't need you to raise my children, I just need a companion," if she is wise, she knows better.  How are you going to be in a serious relationship with any man who frequently has his children around him and you have zero influence on them unless you never interact with them?  The intention of the man is not to keep his new woman out of the loop, if anything, he is looking for a help mate or dare I say it, for the player type, someone he can take advantage of!

Now some women, whether young or old, fall for the niceties that mask one's true intent; however, others know better.  The manipulative older man is not going to get a young, wise woman to go along with anything without her questioning everything!  This is one of the main reason why some stubborn, settled older men will never get along with the independent, career minded younger women of today.  She isn't going to accept a simple yes or no answer from an older man when the question asked requires a full explanation.  She is going to be curious about public affiliations as well as private interests.  The wise, young woman has a "head on her shoulders" which makes her not trainable.  The manipulative older man should save some time and energy-- just move on!

Like young women who don't have much in life to start, the older man doesn't have much life left, so he is going to make the most of it!  "What can this young woman do for me?" He thinks.  "How can I get her to see things my way?"  The older man doesn't think he needs to do much compromising with the immature and youthful, because in his mind, he feels he has already paid many dues in life and besides he has been there and done that.

The older man has experienced long term relationships in the past, he knows what he has to give up.  He has heard the complaints and concerns from his previous sexual conquests.  So with a young woman (also known as a fresh piece of meat in the eyes of some lustful men,) he believes he can convince her that he isn't that person he used to be.  For some men, they do change, but not without sacrifice.  Some have lost finances, partners, children, homes and more to be that nice, humbled guy standing before you.  However, others will never change no matter what happens to them, if anything, things just might get worse for them and those who they choose to partner up with!  Would you want to be that young woman who comes into his life unsuspecting that he has a plan to train you, so that he can benefit in the short or long term?

Sometimes we have to put ourselves in other people's shoes when we come up with plans to try to make people do what we want.  That young woman is someone's daughter and that older man is oftentimes someone's father or even grandfather.  How would you feel if you were either or and along comes someone with a hidden agenda in your life?

Nicholl McGuire
Author of She's Crazy 

One of the Worst Mistakes a Young Woman Makes When Dating Older Men

I was thinking about one of the worst mistakes I made as well as other young women that I have known over the years who have dated someone older. The worst mistake we made was trust that everything an older, married man tells you is truth.

Gullible young women who want to be loved fall for the old, "I don't love my wife" trick.  They assume that the relationship between the older man and his ex is emotionally and physically over after 10 plus years and that somehow the once loyal, married older man is now in love with the younger woman.  Not so fast!  Even if he isn't sleeping with that older woman that he has left behind, doesn't mean that his heart is over her.

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Young women want older men who can love them the way they want to be loved.  These women have had bad experiences with young, immature men.  What a breath of fresh air when the young woman finds an older man who sincerely loves her even if he is still married!  However, beware that there are some married men who just need a temporary distraction, something that will make them forget about their future ex who just so happens to be the mother of their children, a business partner, or an on again off again lover.

Young women, don't allow yourselves to be caught in a married man's lies!  "I don't love her...we never have sex...I wasn't sleeping with her...I don't visit her...we don't talk on the phone...I'm going to divorce her and marry you...I love you...we have so much in common..."

The deceptive, older man manipulates his words to get you to perform in ways that he wants.  If he desires to date you and wants you to date him exclusively, then he will make himself more available to you and he might give you some money and gifts to keep you interested.  If he wants sex from you, then he will test you to see how much work he might have to put in to get you to go to bed with him.  Meanwhile, his heart may be reserved for that woman he left who helped him raise children, build a business, invest in property, and more.  You might recall the deceptive, older man say something to you like, "I broke up with the ex because we no longer got along, she was boring...didn't appreciate me...always argued...cheated."  Sure, and he never did anything wrong always said, "please and thank you."  Don't fall for it!

One day that older man is going to realize that he would have been better off with the wife of his youth; rather than try to get a new one to preserve his youth and that's when hearts will be broken.  Don't be gullible!  Young women, watch more and talk less when dealing with an older man and never trust everything he says as truth until proven otherwise.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Trying to Fit In to the Point of Deceiving Your Date?

"Be yourself!"  You heard this phrase from people who give you advice on how to act around certain individuals and groups.  However, for the older man and younger woman dating one another, it can be easier said than done.

I have been the one who was trying to act older at one point to impress a man back in my early twenties, but I was also on the receiving end when an older man was trying to act younger than what he was.  Both of us were nothing more than deceiving one another, at least for awhile; however eventually, we were found out!  He says, "I enjoy traveling..." but he doesn't go anywhere on his off time.  She says, "I love going to jazz concerts..." and she has only been to one in her life-time.  Do you see the false fronts?

Someone is going to have a bad day while finding out the truth and that is when the cover is blown!  A younger woman finds out the truth about the older man, so, "You really don't do much at all!?"  The older man finds out the truth about the younger woman, "You aren't as active as I thought!  Heck, you barely have sex!?"  Neither is who they claim to be!  He may have initially thought, "She acts quite mature for her age..."  On the other hand, she thinks, "He is quite fun and youthful!"  After spending a little time with one another, they quickly learn there are problems and lots of them.  "You are just a daddy's girl looking for a sugar daddy, huh!?"  He yells.  "Well, what about you?  You just want a daughter to care for you in your old age!"

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What both the older man and younger woman must remember is trying to fit in with one another by talking or acting a certain way will not win one another over for long.  Unless you are a skilled actor or actress who can keep your role up all day and everyday, it is only a matter of time that you will slip up.

The old statement, "Be yourself," means just that!  Don't act any different than you do on a daily basis.  State what you like to do, but inform your date what you are presently doing with your life.  If you are embarrassed about a mediocre life, then start doing something to make it more interesting, but be genuine.  If you know that you tend to act quite immature, work on your short-comings.  Please note younger women, some personal issues will only go away with time and experience and an older man must be patient with you.

As much as we want to belong to someone that fits us like a hand in a glove, we must remember that no such person exists.  They may come close, but like hats and gloves, one size doesn't fit all.

Nicholl McGuire
Author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues

When Young Women Love Older Men

There are older women in circles right now discussing why men in their age group go for younger women. They are usually angry, jealous, and bitter about the fact because they know that once they reach a certain age the pickings for men get a lot slimmer. That is why some older women will not move on or be content being alone. They will hold on to their unavailable ex, date a player, put up with a drunk, and use drugs with an addict or anything else just because they are so desperate to keep a man even when he doesn’t want them anymore. So when a younger woman comes along and the older man divorces his wife for her, cheats on his older girlfriend for her or does something else to be with her, some of these older women act like old fools! The younger woman isn’t to blame in most cases unless she deliberately went after an unavailable, happily married man. However, usually these older men are unhappily married, living separate from their wives, divorced, or dating other women but just haven’t found one to date exclusively yet. Whatever his issue, his wife’s issue or his ex’s issue, the point is the young woman has now fallen in love with him.

What does she feel when she is in love with her older man? What does her action or inaction in the relationship with him look like? Let’s answer these questions.

Since every woman is different it’s hard to provide specific details as to how she feels about him, but there are some basic things to look out for if you intend to make the relationship a happy one. Because she is younger, she doesn’t usually have as much life experience as you. Depending on her age, she may have just moved out of mommy and daddy’s home and is beginning to start a life of her own free of authority figures. So if you come along and try to tell her how to live her life like a parent, then she can very easily fall out of love with you and the idea of ever dating a man older and settle with someone closer to her age. However, if you act more like a friend and encourage her to live independently and enjoy her life, then she will eventually find her way to you because you are not stifling her from being the kind of woman she is destined to be.

Some younger women fall deeply in love with older men because her father didn’t show her the kind of love she wanted as a child. He may have been absent, physically abusive, or mentally unaware of her existence because he was too busy working. So here you are this wonderful, kind older gentleman with your arms open wide and she will not hesitate to jump in them and look to you to be a father that she never had. Now this isn’t always the case, some younger women had great relationships with their dad and wish to be with men who have similar attributes as their father. If their dad was hardworking, took great care of the family, honest, and church-going, then she may expect the same from you. This kind of thinking is not only with young women who date older men but any woman dating any man of any color, age, race, or creed.

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When she truly loves her older man she will want to do everything for him and be the kind of woman he adores. This concept is no different if she was with a man the same age or younger. A woman who is treated with respect, admired, loved, and appreciated will react just like a man who feels the same way. She will go out of her way to make him happy when she is in love. However, if she isn’t she will grow distant and will start to think of what she may have missed out on by not being with a man her own age. Her family if they notice that she is not happy in the relationship will encourage her to break up with the older man and find someone more age appropriate for her. That is why some older men try to keep the family out of her life because they want to be the only ones who have control over her. Unfortunately, their plan of control usually backfires and the young woman who was once blind begins to see and realizes that the older man is just not for her.

Younger women can be a blessing to older men especially when these men reach an age where they can no longer care for themselves. She will at that point in their lives not only be their lover but be a trusted caretaker as well. An older man tends to have the best of both worlds when dealing with a younger woman (that is why his friends will envy him), he can be free to relive his youth again and he knows that if she is in love with him she will see to it that he is taken care of for the rest of his life.

By Nicholl McGuire
Author of She's Crazy