In the current atmosphere around us, most of the people have very healthy amounts of boldness and any person, who is even the least bit shy, loses on many things in life. If you too wish to stop being shy and be able to live the life the way it is meant to be, some conscious effort is required on your behalf. The biggest step was agreeing to the fact that you after all are really shy and seeking for ways online to help you with your condition. Now comes the easy part. All you need do is follow some very simple suggestions to finally bring your life on the right track.
Being myself very shy right up to three months ago, I know how it feels when in company, especially when in front of a person of opposite sex, my tongue used to literally wrap round itself. Then I learned to take advantage of my condition rather than be affected adversely by it. With a few simple suggestions made to me by a successful friend, I was able to overcome my lack in confidence.
The first thing you should do is to speak up. Usually people are unable to speak up in front of other people because nothing really comes up in their mind. Prior decision would be recommended for you in such cases. Practice some common conversations beforehand along with some hot topics.
Telling others about your weakness may also help immensely, not only do people treat shy people specially but also try help them out in other ways like recommending them to some other people.
Who knows that someone you are being recommended to is also shy? But you would still be better off because of your prior practice is some hot topics, something which was recommended earlier.
The last and most effective resort is also the most obvious, have a glass or too of some wine. It helps a lot in loosening up of shy tongues. So just follow these suggestions and you will be able to reintegrate yourself in life.
Get more help to stop being shy with these overcoming shyness tips. http://helpanswer.com/tips-for-overcoming-shyness
Monday
They Have Their Days Too...Andropause & PMS...Uh oh!
While you are having your bouts with PMS, he is having his issues with andropause. In case you didn't know, that is the proper name for mid-life crisis. Now some so-called experts won't take the male mid-life business seriously, rather they will attribute men's issues to outside influences like work, family, and money. But if you have dated older men for any length of time, then you know there is more going on within than on the outside.
The older man will have various mood swings due to a number of factors such as low testosterone, bad eating habits, and a lack of exercise. Some get older and aren't always mindful of their body odors. Whatever the older man's problem, the reality is he can get on your nerves! His impatience, anger outbursts, silent treatment, and myopic behaviors can send you packing! Understanding tends to go out the younger woman's head when she too is going through her set of woes.
We all know what to do with his and her bath towels, but many of us don't have a clue what to do with his and her mood swings. Here are a few tips I have had to learn the hard way over the years.
1. Do something else besides have sex. If you are in a relationship with an older man that seems to be moving fast, so fast that you can't seem to come up for air between love-making sessions, put some distance between the both of you by doing something else that has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm sure he can understand why you wouldn't want intimacy while going through PMS and your cycle. If not, then you will want to question what kind of man you got yourself hooked up with. (When I dated an older man who was abusive, he found it difficult giving me my space during my time of the month. That was a good sign he was not a compassionate person, but I was too awe struck on looks and stability to see the signs.)
2. You don't have to commit because he told you that he loves you. From the ex-wife to the children from a previous relationship, I'm sure you are the next best thing since sliced bread and because of that you can afford to take your time.
When committing to any man with a past that is walking and breathing, it can be difficult to accept everything that goes with it. If you sincerely feel that accepting him along with his baggage is too much, do converse with him about your feelings before you decide to break off the relationship and not during PMS.
3. When he is in one of his moods ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" but don't ask when you are in a bad mood yourself, because it will most likely come out like this, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you talking to me...Are you having one of your senior moments?" Although asking him what's on his mind doesn't always work, at least take the time out to let him know you care. He may not be ready to talk, but at some point he just might open up. When he does decide to share his thoughts, try hard to make him feel comfortable expressing them without becoming emotional. I know it can be difficult especially if he is being critical of you, but try anyway even if it means you just sit there and look at him.
Well, I hope the two of you have a good month...wish me well too!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
The older man will have various mood swings due to a number of factors such as low testosterone, bad eating habits, and a lack of exercise. Some get older and aren't always mindful of their body odors. Whatever the older man's problem, the reality is he can get on your nerves! His impatience, anger outbursts, silent treatment, and myopic behaviors can send you packing! Understanding tends to go out the younger woman's head when she too is going through her set of woes.
We all know what to do with his and her bath towels, but many of us don't have a clue what to do with his and her mood swings. Here are a few tips I have had to learn the hard way over the years.
1. Do something else besides have sex. If you are in a relationship with an older man that seems to be moving fast, so fast that you can't seem to come up for air between love-making sessions, put some distance between the both of you by doing something else that has absolutely nothing to do with him. I'm sure he can understand why you wouldn't want intimacy while going through PMS and your cycle. If not, then you will want to question what kind of man you got yourself hooked up with. (When I dated an older man who was abusive, he found it difficult giving me my space during my time of the month. That was a good sign he was not a compassionate person, but I was too awe struck on looks and stability to see the signs.)
2. You don't have to commit because he told you that he loves you. From the ex-wife to the children from a previous relationship, I'm sure you are the next best thing since sliced bread and because of that you can afford to take your time.
When committing to any man with a past that is walking and breathing, it can be difficult to accept everything that goes with it. If you sincerely feel that accepting him along with his baggage is too much, do converse with him about your feelings before you decide to break off the relationship and not during PMS.
3. When he is in one of his moods ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" but don't ask when you are in a bad mood yourself, because it will most likely come out like this, "What's wrong with you? Why aren't you talking to me...Are you having one of your senior moments?" Although asking him what's on his mind doesn't always work, at least take the time out to let him know you care. He may not be ready to talk, but at some point he just might open up. When he does decide to share his thoughts, try hard to make him feel comfortable expressing them without becoming emotional. I know it can be difficult especially if he is being critical of you, but try anyway even if it means you just sit there and look at him.
Well, I hope the two of you have a good month...wish me well too!
Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire
Friday
Just Because He's Older Doesn't Mean He is Responsible
There are many older men who are indeed responsible, financially comfortable, and energetic, but there are others who are the complete opposite. You would think that at 40 plus years old, he would have his life on track but not necessarily. For some men, they actually act worse the older they get. They make poor decisions that cost them what little savings they have. The fast life they lived in their 20s and 30s catches up to them and by the time they are in their 40s and 50s they can't even open a department store credit card much less buy you a ring.
Some younger women don't want to face the reality that they got themselves hooked up with a loser! They lie or cover up about their older man's job and/or bank account because they don't want to be ridiculed. Its embarrassing enough for some younger women to be walking with someone that looks older than their dad, but doing better than their older counterpart, well that just doesn't look good!
The key is to learn as much as you can about the man you are potentially thinking about having a serious relationship with and whether or not you can handle the debt you and he may have if you two get together.
Some things you may want to look out for while dating him include:
The kind of entertainment. If he frequently suggests staying home watching a movie or going to a local fast food restaurant, he is carefully watching his money for a reason. Some men are frugal while others are just broke.
Where he shops and where he suggests you shop. Discount and thrift stores are definitely not places to impress someone he doesn't know that well. But if he does this to you, he is letting you know he is thrifty and may have his share of money problems.
The gifts he gives. You may have suggested jewelry, but he brought a six pack of your favorite drink and a book. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. It wasn't a moment of absentmindness, he deliberately went the cheap route, because he simply can't afford you.
Put off committing to any man who is financially unstable, you can do bad all by yourself!
Some younger women don't want to face the reality that they got themselves hooked up with a loser! They lie or cover up about their older man's job and/or bank account because they don't want to be ridiculed. Its embarrassing enough for some younger women to be walking with someone that looks older than their dad, but doing better than their older counterpart, well that just doesn't look good!
The key is to learn as much as you can about the man you are potentially thinking about having a serious relationship with and whether or not you can handle the debt you and he may have if you two get together.
Some things you may want to look out for while dating him include:
The kind of entertainment. If he frequently suggests staying home watching a movie or going to a local fast food restaurant, he is carefully watching his money for a reason. Some men are frugal while others are just broke.
Where he shops and where he suggests you shop. Discount and thrift stores are definitely not places to impress someone he doesn't know that well. But if he does this to you, he is letting you know he is thrifty and may have his share of money problems.
The gifts he gives. You may have suggested jewelry, but he brought a six pack of your favorite drink and a book. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. It wasn't a moment of absentmindness, he deliberately went the cheap route, because he simply can't afford you.
Put off committing to any man who is financially unstable, you can do bad all by yourself!
Thursday
Monday
Time to Show Off Your Younger or Older Mate for the Holidays
The day will soon be here! You will be making a statement whether you know it or not when you bring your new mate home for the holidays. So what do you say? What will they say? How will you react? What do you think your partner will do? So many questions, so little time. Let's talk about the dos and don'ts.
1. Do stay positive.
Although some will not favor your choice in a mate whether to your face or behind your back, ignore the looks and address negative comments, but always remember why you love your partner!
2. Do your homework before you and your date arrive to the family function.
Find out from relatives and friends what the mood is like before you arrive. If there is alot of tension about your decision, find somewhere else to spend the holidays.
3. Do avoid family disagreements.
You may be accustomed to arguing with certain family members and friends about one thing or another, try not to. You don't want to give your partner the wrong impression. Also, he or she may already feel tensed being around people he or she doesn't know, so try to keep conversations light.
4. Do respect your partner's feelings.
When your partner says, "I think we should go...I don't feel comfortable..." Don't make a scene. Politely excuse yourself when the opportune time comes and find out what occurred away from the site so as not to draw attention to the two of you.
5. Don't act bossy, know-it-all, negative, toward your partner in front of your family.
Sometimes we tend to tell our partners everything about everything when we are around people we know and we may even act a little different. Check your attitude and be sure you are putting your best foot forward not only with everyone else, but more specifically your partner.
6. Don't leave your partner alone with family for long periods of time.
Family have a way with words once you leave your partner alone. If you know you have difficult, negative relatives and friends, don't leave your partner alone with these people.
7. Don't allow your family to disrespect your partner.
Age is nothing but a number, but for some it is more than that and they may not hesitate to let everyone know how they feel. Don't stand there and let the relative or friend tell you and your partner off.
8. Don't feel tempted to joke about age or appearance with others.
Sometimes people will give into jokes because they want to go along just to get along. If you are in the relationship for the long haul, you don't want to set a precedence from the beginning that says, "I don't care..." when you know that you or your date really does care. Cut the joking off from the beginning and everyone will know where you stand.
Now that you have your tips for the holidays, enjoy! If things take a bad turn, try not to break your relationship off with your mate until you are certain he or she is not the one, not because of pressure or negative reaction from family and friends.
1. Do stay positive.
Although some will not favor your choice in a mate whether to your face or behind your back, ignore the looks and address negative comments, but always remember why you love your partner!
2. Do your homework before you and your date arrive to the family function.
Find out from relatives and friends what the mood is like before you arrive. If there is alot of tension about your decision, find somewhere else to spend the holidays.
3. Do avoid family disagreements.
You may be accustomed to arguing with certain family members and friends about one thing or another, try not to. You don't want to give your partner the wrong impression. Also, he or she may already feel tensed being around people he or she doesn't know, so try to keep conversations light.
4. Do respect your partner's feelings.
When your partner says, "I think we should go...I don't feel comfortable..." Don't make a scene. Politely excuse yourself when the opportune time comes and find out what occurred away from the site so as not to draw attention to the two of you.
5. Don't act bossy, know-it-all, negative, toward your partner in front of your family.
Sometimes we tend to tell our partners everything about everything when we are around people we know and we may even act a little different. Check your attitude and be sure you are putting your best foot forward not only with everyone else, but more specifically your partner.
6. Don't leave your partner alone with family for long periods of time.
Family have a way with words once you leave your partner alone. If you know you have difficult, negative relatives and friends, don't leave your partner alone with these people.
7. Don't allow your family to disrespect your partner.
Age is nothing but a number, but for some it is more than that and they may not hesitate to let everyone know how they feel. Don't stand there and let the relative or friend tell you and your partner off.
8. Don't feel tempted to joke about age or appearance with others.
Sometimes people will give into jokes because they want to go along just to get along. If you are in the relationship for the long haul, you don't want to set a precedence from the beginning that says, "I don't care..." when you know that you or your date really does care. Cut the joking off from the beginning and everyone will know where you stand.
Now that you have your tips for the holidays, enjoy! If things take a bad turn, try not to break your relationship off with your mate until you are certain he or she is not the one, not because of pressure or negative reaction from family and friends.
Friday
The Appeal Of Older Men
While mulling over what to talk about in my last blog, my husband had a suggestion I found irresistible! More joking than serious, he said, “Why don’t you talk about the sex appeal of older men, and call it ‘Who’s Your Daddy’?”
He never thought I would take him seriously. Well, as you can see, I did. By older, I am specifically talking about men past fifty. Yes, I have an eye for young stud puppets, cut and lean sex machines! But many of those to die for men look that way to attract other men. Although nice to ogle, it’s rather like pressing your nose against the candy store window. Drooling over the goodies is as far as you get.
The rugged virility I am talking about in older men I know about first hand. Working in the shipping industry as long as I have, I know sailors. These are not Navy sailors, they are Merchant Mariners. They have spent a good part of their lives on commercial ships, sailing all over the world. Once they came ashore, they continued to work with ships in a variety of roles.
Because of the requirements of my job, I have to travel occasionally. I have been to Singapore, Tokyo, Copenhagen, Barcelona and Norway. In all of these places, I have met sailors. I’ve talked to them, drank with them and been accepted by them. They’ve told me stories that have made me laugh until the tears ran. In fact, I’m writing an anthology called Hello, Sailor which will be released sometime in 2008. It is a collection of three novellas based upon the stories I’ve been told by my sailor friends.
These men are career mariners. They are strong individuals, free wheeling, opinionated, wickedly funny, and sexy. Most of all – God bless them – they LOVE women! You might be surprised to hear that they not only love women, they respect women. Of course they tell dirty jokes! They’re sailors after all. But whenever I have socialized with them, individually or in a group, I am treated with such courtesy it borders on gallantry. Not even my husband (don’t tell him I said this!) is as courteous and mannerly as they are.
They aren’t pretty boys. Far from it. They carry themselves with an aura of masculinity that can only be achieved with years of self sufficiency. Being a sailor is not an easy life. Hard work and hard living show on their faces, rugged character etched in every line. Perhaps they wouldn’t be considered classically handsome. They are nonetheless attractive in their manliness, maturity and individuality.
In our youth oriented culture, it is a refreshing reminder to know that sex appeal doesn’t diminish as the birthday candles increase. Both men and women remain sexual beings for as long as the fire burns inside. I have every intention of keeping my fire stoked for many more years. I think my sailor friends feel the same way.
As a final note, the piece below eloquently summarizes how I feel about my life, and my writing.
In 1981, Lena Horne did a one woman Broadway show called “Lena Horne – The Lady and her Music.” In the show, she referred to herself as a late bloomer. I find I am appreciating her comment more now than I ever have before.
Early in the show, she sang her signature song “Stormy Weather”, much like she sang it in the movie. Late in the show’s second half, she announced her next number by saying ‘’I had to grow into this song.’’
And then what does she do? She sings ‘’Stormy Weather’’ all over again. Only this time she sings it as if she had just grown into it, as if she had never sung it before. The words poured out of her, with a gospel fervor that covered her, and the audience, with sweat and tears.
I am growing into my song as Lena did hers, learning to sing it all over again, in a new way, with a new perspective. Who knew it could be this good!
P. F. Kozak has had a unique perspective on sexuality since she discovered playing doctor, long before puberty. With the publication of her books it is real, and it is only just beginning. Visit pfkozak.com
He never thought I would take him seriously. Well, as you can see, I did. By older, I am specifically talking about men past fifty. Yes, I have an eye for young stud puppets, cut and lean sex machines! But many of those to die for men look that way to attract other men. Although nice to ogle, it’s rather like pressing your nose against the candy store window. Drooling over the goodies is as far as you get.
The rugged virility I am talking about in older men I know about first hand. Working in the shipping industry as long as I have, I know sailors. These are not Navy sailors, they are Merchant Mariners. They have spent a good part of their lives on commercial ships, sailing all over the world. Once they came ashore, they continued to work with ships in a variety of roles.
Because of the requirements of my job, I have to travel occasionally. I have been to Singapore, Tokyo, Copenhagen, Barcelona and Norway. In all of these places, I have met sailors. I’ve talked to them, drank with them and been accepted by them. They’ve told me stories that have made me laugh until the tears ran. In fact, I’m writing an anthology called Hello, Sailor which will be released sometime in 2008. It is a collection of three novellas based upon the stories I’ve been told by my sailor friends.
These men are career mariners. They are strong individuals, free wheeling, opinionated, wickedly funny, and sexy. Most of all – God bless them – they LOVE women! You might be surprised to hear that they not only love women, they respect women. Of course they tell dirty jokes! They’re sailors after all. But whenever I have socialized with them, individually or in a group, I am treated with such courtesy it borders on gallantry. Not even my husband (don’t tell him I said this!) is as courteous and mannerly as they are.
They aren’t pretty boys. Far from it. They carry themselves with an aura of masculinity that can only be achieved with years of self sufficiency. Being a sailor is not an easy life. Hard work and hard living show on their faces, rugged character etched in every line. Perhaps they wouldn’t be considered classically handsome. They are nonetheless attractive in their manliness, maturity and individuality.
In our youth oriented culture, it is a refreshing reminder to know that sex appeal doesn’t diminish as the birthday candles increase. Both men and women remain sexual beings for as long as the fire burns inside. I have every intention of keeping my fire stoked for many more years. I think my sailor friends feel the same way.
As a final note, the piece below eloquently summarizes how I feel about my life, and my writing.
In 1981, Lena Horne did a one woman Broadway show called “Lena Horne – The Lady and her Music.” In the show, she referred to herself as a late bloomer. I find I am appreciating her comment more now than I ever have before.
Early in the show, she sang her signature song “Stormy Weather”, much like she sang it in the movie. Late in the show’s second half, she announced her next number by saying ‘’I had to grow into this song.’’
And then what does she do? She sings ‘’Stormy Weather’’ all over again. Only this time she sings it as if she had just grown into it, as if she had never sung it before. The words poured out of her, with a gospel fervor that covered her, and the audience, with sweat and tears.
I am growing into my song as Lena did hers, learning to sing it all over again, in a new way, with a new perspective. Who knew it could be this good!
P. F. Kozak has had a unique perspective on sexuality since she discovered playing doctor, long before puberty. With the publication of her books it is real, and it is only just beginning. Visit pfkozak.com
Tuesday
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Blog Publisher
Sunday
Bad Men You Should Avoid: What Kind of Bad Boy Are You Thinking About?
Are you dating a bad boy or considering a relationship with one? Would you like to know what the future holds for you and he? Then you need to read this article that will change the way you look at him and possibly save your life.
Read More
Are you dating a bad boy or considering a relationship with one? Would you like to know what the future holds for you and he? Then you need to read this article that will change the way you look at him and possibly save your life.
Read More
6 Things Older Men Shouldn't Do While on a Date with a Younger Woman
The following list is what some older men do that turn their younger dates off!
1. Talk like they know everything about everything. For instance, some older men will attempt to use slang to impress their younger dates. Others will act like a teacher talking to a student or a father talking to his daughter. BIG TURN OFF! Best advice, just be yourself and mind your manners!
2. Pick out certain attire to make him look younger than what he is. If she wanted to date a man with baggy pants and a sports jersey with shiny tennis shoes, she would have picked a man her own age or younger. Dress in clothes that are considered timeless fashions. The polo shirt with the docker slacks is good enough -- if that is your style. Otherwise wear something similar to what she saw you in the day you asked her out or one of the photos of you wearing business casual attire.
3. Converse about parents. Unless she brings them up, stay away from offering your opinion unless she specifically asks you for it. Talking about parents and relatives invoke negative feelings for some people and since you don't know her that well yet, it is better to save questions about family for a later date.
4. Talk about "back in the day..." or "the old school." Stay away from subjects that give away how old is really old when it comes to your age. For instance, old television shows, music, and similar things that she wouldn't know anything about can be avoided at least during the first date. Rather talk about current events, work, interests, and upcoming holidays.
5. Talk about other women or look at other women during the date. You may have many "good friends," ex-wives, sisters even daughters. During the early stages of dating, don't make a "big deal" about all the women you know and how they helped you pick out your outfit, cut your hair, or thought you were crazy for dating her. Remember she wants to be your number one.
6. Make jokes or comments about the age of his young date. If her age bothers you, don't date her! She can't do anything about the fact that she either acts or talks youthful. Keep in mind some young women will be offended just like you would be if she commented about you being a Chester the molester.
As you learn more about younger women, understand that you simply will not get along because of the age differences. Consider where she is in life and what she hopes to do in the future as well as yourself. Are you really that compatible to weather the storms of life? It may be better to befriend these younger women rather than seriously commit to them.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.
Dating an Older Man or Woman With Mixed Feelings and Doubts?
Someone who is 10, 15, 20 or even 30 years older than you has expressed romantic interest. However, lately you have had some mixed feelings about dating them, how do you deal with your doubts and be at peace with your decision to date, stay in the relationship or end it?
Meet Nadine, she was 21 when she met Dalton 31. He seemed to have his life very much together as compared to some of the guys she met her own age. However, Nadine and Dalton came from different worlds. When Dalton was a child, men were very domineering over women and when Nadine was a child every woman she ever knew was independent. Their worlds began to collide. Dalton expected Nadine to listen to him and follow his instructions about cooking and keeping the house clean, take his suggestions on how to dress in front of men and most of all how to communicate with him without using slang and curse words. Dalton mentioned to her one day he thought she was rather young and they didn't have many common interests, but there was nothing more said about his statement. He avoided bringing the age difference issue up to her again, because he definitely didn't want to break up with her at least not right then. On the other hand, Nadine wasn't sure she could continue to look at Dalton's receding hairline much longer while he gave her his suggestions about how she should act. She also grew weary of sitting at home watching Dalton's selection of classic movies on weekends. Both of them continued to see one another despite their differences; however, they were considering on breaking up with one another secretly.
Although Nadine's complaints seem trivial, she is use to doing things with people mainly her own age and she socializes with very youthful and attractive people (who haven't lost their hair at least not yet.) On the other hand, Dalton works around many people his own age and doesn't see anything wrong with "teaching" Nadine. Despite their conflict over age differences, they get along at times, but they are silently grappling with the issue.
Before you decide to date, propose, marry or break up with someone much older or younger than you, be sure to write down all of your concerns. Don't just think about how you feel about him or her presently, but how you may feel about them in the future. What is important to you about another person's personality and physical attributes may not be so important to everyone else. The decision you reach should be one you are comfortable with not one someone else tries to convince you to make. Some people may tell you how great it is to date someone older for wisdom, wealth, growth and other reasons that seem logical. However, you may have a problem with the way he or she looks, talks to you or treats you out in public. Others may tell you how wonderful it is to date a younger person, because they don't have as much baggage, they are exciting and youthful, yet you may find their conversations are annoying or discover they are completely the opposite of what you expected. Avoid going into a relationship or continuing one with heavy doubts. If there is a small voice telling you he or she is not the one, listen to it. No matter how reasonable or logical someone's advice may sound, go with what gives you peace of mind.
Being with someone who is older or younger is very similar to dating someone interracially. People will stare and comment. Your own family may be critical and tell you what they think of your mate. You will have to be prepared to stand strong in the face of opposition if you really want your relationship to work. Some ex-spouses will attempt to make life difficult for you (and use the children if you have any.) They may be jealous, angry or even still in love with you depending on how you broke up with them. Know how to handle them, so that your new mate will not feel insecure or want to leave you.
Questions you may have not thought about are as follows. Consider asking yourself the following and acting on your response. It is best to know what you want and how you feel about the relationship before you fall too deeply in love.
Before You First Met
How would you describe your life before meeting this older or younger person? This question is important to answer. For instance, some people who are in their 40s could have recently came out of a relationship with someone who was about the same age and found he or she to be rather boring, tired, miserable, or depressed. As we know the older you get the more likely hormonal changes occur, unexpected aches and pains and other body challenges. Sometimes hormones will motivate desires to have every facet of one's life be changed such as ending a long term marriage, selecting a younger more exciting mate, quitting his or her job and traveling, buying a sports car that one cannot afford, exercising obsessively, dressing younger or taking a deep interest in having a baby or caring for babies. Some people later regret their decisions because they realize a visit to the doctor's office and a prescription could have kept them from making life- altering changes. Maybe the problem wasn't with their previous mate; instead, he or she may have had mental issues.
Another thought you may want to consider, if you are younger, is how was your relationship with your mother and father growing up? Do you find there is a pattern in selecting mates older than you? There are young women who are very much in need of a father figure and will confuse that need with their desire to date an older man. If she had no male influence growing up or her own dad didn't seem interested in relating to her, she may look for qualities in an older man to compensate for what she lacked in childhood. An older man who may be aware of this behavior may want to consider what role he will want to play in her life: good friend, lover, god father, acquaintance or all of the above.
Some older men have desires to have someone care for them particularly if they never had a daughter. There may be a reason why for some of you, you are consistently seeking younger women. Think about your past relationships, did you find yourself tempted to teach, correct and instruct your younger mate? Do you find you can control a younger woman or "get away" with certain things you couldn't with a woman your own age?
When You First Met
This younger or older mate definitely had something about them that drew you to them, what was it? If you find there is nothing more than physical qualities, sex and/or money, then you can be sure the relationship will be challenged. There has to be more than these attributes to make you want to be with him or her. What is it you like or dislike about he or she? What is it that your mate likes or dislikes about you? Will you be able to deal with these differences long term?
Physical Characteristics
As we all know beauty comes and goes, will you still find him or her attractive in the short and long term? What happens when he or she is ill, pregnant or disabled and not looking his or her best? Have you centered the relationship on appearance and showing him or her off to the public for attention? A man or woman with a fifty-year-old body doesn't look like a man or woman with a twenty or thirty-something year old body? Will you be able to handle a body aging? If you are older, are you confident enough in the way you look that you won't give your younger mate a hard time when you see them around people many years younger than you? If you are younger, what are your feelings about gray hair, balding, protruding bellies and varicose veins?
Personality
There will be those moments when you may say something that will reveal your true age. It may be a story about how you grew up, what kind of music you like, how old your parents are or something reminding your mate how old or young you are. How do you feel when you have conversations with your mate and how does he or she make you feel? Do you find him or her uninteresting? Do you feel more comfortable around people who are your own age? How do you think your feelings will affect your relationship in the future? As discussed earlier, hormonal changes will also come to challenge the relationship. For men, will you be able to handle a future pregnant woman's moodswings, menapause, or PMS? As for women will you be able to deal with male mental and physical issues?
Finances
When either a younger or older mate has wealth, he or she may be very generous or protective of it. They may not know what your motives are for being with them. How will you respond to their concerns? Do you have your own personal wealth you can be proud of? Will your mate object if you work, don't work, own your own business or go back to school? Do you expect your mate to assist you? Have you discussed how much you make, what kind of bills you pay and how much they are and if you can afford to help one another? Can you both afford to travel, eat out at restaurants and enjoy other forms of entertainment? All of these questions are important because our interests are a big part of our lives, if you want to do things together, you don't want money to be an issue later in the relationship.
Relatives
Your family will also reveal how old you are as well. Her sister maybe twenty years old and yours may be forty years old. Your mate may not have too much in common with her potential sister-in-laws and vice versa. Don't anticipate the family will love your mate, because they may not. Instead, they will question, "What does this younger woman want with my son? Why is this old man going out with my daughter?" They will discuss motives amongst each other and eventually talk with you as to what they suspect is your mate's reasons for being with you. Don't fall into the temptation to believe what you hear unless there is proof from your mate that tells you otherwise.
Children
If you had children or are thinking about not having any, then your younger mate needs to know this. Don't cover up how you really feel by saying, "Oh maybe one day." The truth will later reveal itself and when it does it won't help your relationship. If you are serious about not wanting children, state the truth. If you have children from a previous relationship, tell your mate. There are consequences whether you tell or don't tell. Avoid hurting your mate anymore than you have to by being honest and allow them the opportunity to make a choice whether to continue a relationship with you. If you would like to have children one day, be sure your mate knows, but don't try to convince him or her she will be a good father or mother, let them think about your plans and reach a decision on their own.
Death
This should concern anyone in any kind of relationship. The day will come where we will all die. Think of the person you are with and include them on your insurance policy. You don't need to tell them what you have done. However, if they choose to be with you for the rest of their lives and you are many years older, you know the days will come when they will most likely have to care for you. Don't leave your mate or children with any financial burdens. Plan how your wealth will be handled once you are gone.
Although the information in this article is very detailed for a relationship that may not have started yet or is just beginning, it has provided you with a glimpse of what you will have to consider in the future. Re-read it. Make your decision to date someone older or younger wisely, not out of lust, selfish gain, curiosity or some other trivial reason.
Meet Nadine, she was 21 when she met Dalton 31. He seemed to have his life very much together as compared to some of the guys she met her own age. However, Nadine and Dalton came from different worlds. When Dalton was a child, men were very domineering over women and when Nadine was a child every woman she ever knew was independent. Their worlds began to collide. Dalton expected Nadine to listen to him and follow his instructions about cooking and keeping the house clean, take his suggestions on how to dress in front of men and most of all how to communicate with him without using slang and curse words. Dalton mentioned to her one day he thought she was rather young and they didn't have many common interests, but there was nothing more said about his statement. He avoided bringing the age difference issue up to her again, because he definitely didn't want to break up with her at least not right then. On the other hand, Nadine wasn't sure she could continue to look at Dalton's receding hairline much longer while he gave her his suggestions about how she should act. She also grew weary of sitting at home watching Dalton's selection of classic movies on weekends. Both of them continued to see one another despite their differences; however, they were considering on breaking up with one another secretly.
Although Nadine's complaints seem trivial, she is use to doing things with people mainly her own age and she socializes with very youthful and attractive people (who haven't lost their hair at least not yet.) On the other hand, Dalton works around many people his own age and doesn't see anything wrong with "teaching" Nadine. Despite their conflict over age differences, they get along at times, but they are silently grappling with the issue.
Before you decide to date, propose, marry or break up with someone much older or younger than you, be sure to write down all of your concerns. Don't just think about how you feel about him or her presently, but how you may feel about them in the future. What is important to you about another person's personality and physical attributes may not be so important to everyone else. The decision you reach should be one you are comfortable with not one someone else tries to convince you to make. Some people may tell you how great it is to date someone older for wisdom, wealth, growth and other reasons that seem logical. However, you may have a problem with the way he or she looks, talks to you or treats you out in public. Others may tell you how wonderful it is to date a younger person, because they don't have as much baggage, they are exciting and youthful, yet you may find their conversations are annoying or discover they are completely the opposite of what you expected. Avoid going into a relationship or continuing one with heavy doubts. If there is a small voice telling you he or she is not the one, listen to it. No matter how reasonable or logical someone's advice may sound, go with what gives you peace of mind.
Being with someone who is older or younger is very similar to dating someone interracially. People will stare and comment. Your own family may be critical and tell you what they think of your mate. You will have to be prepared to stand strong in the face of opposition if you really want your relationship to work. Some ex-spouses will attempt to make life difficult for you (and use the children if you have any.) They may be jealous, angry or even still in love with you depending on how you broke up with them. Know how to handle them, so that your new mate will not feel insecure or want to leave you.
Questions you may have not thought about are as follows. Consider asking yourself the following and acting on your response. It is best to know what you want and how you feel about the relationship before you fall too deeply in love.
Before You First Met
How would you describe your life before meeting this older or younger person? This question is important to answer. For instance, some people who are in their 40s could have recently came out of a relationship with someone who was about the same age and found he or she to be rather boring, tired, miserable, or depressed. As we know the older you get the more likely hormonal changes occur, unexpected aches and pains and other body challenges. Sometimes hormones will motivate desires to have every facet of one's life be changed such as ending a long term marriage, selecting a younger more exciting mate, quitting his or her job and traveling, buying a sports car that one cannot afford, exercising obsessively, dressing younger or taking a deep interest in having a baby or caring for babies. Some people later regret their decisions because they realize a visit to the doctor's office and a prescription could have kept them from making life- altering changes. Maybe the problem wasn't with their previous mate; instead, he or she may have had mental issues.
Another thought you may want to consider, if you are younger, is how was your relationship with your mother and father growing up? Do you find there is a pattern in selecting mates older than you? There are young women who are very much in need of a father figure and will confuse that need with their desire to date an older man. If she had no male influence growing up or her own dad didn't seem interested in relating to her, she may look for qualities in an older man to compensate for what she lacked in childhood. An older man who may be aware of this behavior may want to consider what role he will want to play in her life: good friend, lover, god father, acquaintance or all of the above.
Some older men have desires to have someone care for them particularly if they never had a daughter. There may be a reason why for some of you, you are consistently seeking younger women. Think about your past relationships, did you find yourself tempted to teach, correct and instruct your younger mate? Do you find you can control a younger woman or "get away" with certain things you couldn't with a woman your own age?
When You First Met
This younger or older mate definitely had something about them that drew you to them, what was it? If you find there is nothing more than physical qualities, sex and/or money, then you can be sure the relationship will be challenged. There has to be more than these attributes to make you want to be with him or her. What is it you like or dislike about he or she? What is it that your mate likes or dislikes about you? Will you be able to deal with these differences long term?
Physical Characteristics
As we all know beauty comes and goes, will you still find him or her attractive in the short and long term? What happens when he or she is ill, pregnant or disabled and not looking his or her best? Have you centered the relationship on appearance and showing him or her off to the public for attention? A man or woman with a fifty-year-old body doesn't look like a man or woman with a twenty or thirty-something year old body? Will you be able to handle a body aging? If you are older, are you confident enough in the way you look that you won't give your younger mate a hard time when you see them around people many years younger than you? If you are younger, what are your feelings about gray hair, balding, protruding bellies and varicose veins?
Personality
There will be those moments when you may say something that will reveal your true age. It may be a story about how you grew up, what kind of music you like, how old your parents are or something reminding your mate how old or young you are. How do you feel when you have conversations with your mate and how does he or she make you feel? Do you find him or her uninteresting? Do you feel more comfortable around people who are your own age? How do you think your feelings will affect your relationship in the future? As discussed earlier, hormonal changes will also come to challenge the relationship. For men, will you be able to handle a future pregnant woman's moodswings, menapause, or PMS? As for women will you be able to deal with male mental and physical issues?
Finances
When either a younger or older mate has wealth, he or she may be very generous or protective of it. They may not know what your motives are for being with them. How will you respond to their concerns? Do you have your own personal wealth you can be proud of? Will your mate object if you work, don't work, own your own business or go back to school? Do you expect your mate to assist you? Have you discussed how much you make, what kind of bills you pay and how much they are and if you can afford to help one another? Can you both afford to travel, eat out at restaurants and enjoy other forms of entertainment? All of these questions are important because our interests are a big part of our lives, if you want to do things together, you don't want money to be an issue later in the relationship.
Relatives
Your family will also reveal how old you are as well. Her sister maybe twenty years old and yours may be forty years old. Your mate may not have too much in common with her potential sister-in-laws and vice versa. Don't anticipate the family will love your mate, because they may not. Instead, they will question, "What does this younger woman want with my son? Why is this old man going out with my daughter?" They will discuss motives amongst each other and eventually talk with you as to what they suspect is your mate's reasons for being with you. Don't fall into the temptation to believe what you hear unless there is proof from your mate that tells you otherwise.
Children
If you had children or are thinking about not having any, then your younger mate needs to know this. Don't cover up how you really feel by saying, "Oh maybe one day." The truth will later reveal itself and when it does it won't help your relationship. If you are serious about not wanting children, state the truth. If you have children from a previous relationship, tell your mate. There are consequences whether you tell or don't tell. Avoid hurting your mate anymore than you have to by being honest and allow them the opportunity to make a choice whether to continue a relationship with you. If you would like to have children one day, be sure your mate knows, but don't try to convince him or her she will be a good father or mother, let them think about your plans and reach a decision on their own.
Death
This should concern anyone in any kind of relationship. The day will come where we will all die. Think of the person you are with and include them on your insurance policy. You don't need to tell them what you have done. However, if they choose to be with you for the rest of their lives and you are many years older, you know the days will come when they will most likely have to care for you. Don't leave your mate or children with any financial burdens. Plan how your wealth will be handled once you are gone.
Although the information in this article is very detailed for a relationship that may not have started yet or is just beginning, it has provided you with a glimpse of what you will have to consider in the future. Re-read it. Make your decision to date someone older or younger wisely, not out of lust, selfish gain, curiosity or some other trivial reason.
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