Monday
The Man in Denial About Being Old
He considers himself to be young, he chooses not to view himself to be old or getting older. He desires a young woman to make him feel good inside. She is to compliment him, make him smile, introduce him occasionally to what interests young people, be a good listener and a lover. Seems simple enough? Yet, the mature man, who is in denial about age and refuses to date anyone his own age or older, is complicated.
Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own. Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it. So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home. He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by. The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore. He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial.
Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one. He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings. He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego. He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group. He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body. He sulks when he loses. If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it. Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them.
So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says. "I'm not old." People are such good liars.
Nicholl McGuire
Spend enough time with him and the aging man, who secretly hates getting older, starts to tire of all the attention his younger partner is getting, her interests, conversation and more is very different than his own. Privately, he already knows that he doesn't feel or look as good as he once did and he hates to be reminded of it. So the visits outside the bedroom with his young companion begin to lessen and he chooses to take comfort in his favorite chair at home. He doesn't offer to take his girlfriend or mistress places for he knows what people will think when they pass the pair by. The mature gentleman doesn't bother to have as much sex as he once did, because it is now a chore. He isn't much interested in doing too much of anything when he isn't in denial.
Yet, the older man, who fights the aging process like a boxer fighting another boxer in the ring, will not only deny he is getting older, but he will lose his cool with others who say anything about what he should do now that he is this age and that one. He argues when someone mentions anything about age from looks to feelings. He considers himself to be young for his age and it doesn't help when others inflate his already large ego. He is not the least bit interested in women his own age, he scoffs at the mere mention of sticking with his own age group. He challenges younger men who joke about his aging body. He sulks when he loses. If he is having a crisis of any sort, he refuses to admit it. Family and friends who say that is what he is going through, he rejects them.
So he scrolls the Internet, his phone, talks to young women..."They don't know what they are talking about, " he says. "I'm not old." People are such good liars.
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Warning for the Young Women - The Quiet and Gentle Older Men Who Change
He is kind, patient, and finds the time to do and say nice things for others. The genuinely nice older gentleman is one of the best bachelors. He enjoys his life immensely and the only thing that is missing is a steady companion. When you meet him, you have struck gold! He is loving and wants what is best for you. You both are fortunate to connect with one another and you sincerely hope that your relationship is happy ever after.
Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception. Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration. His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.
Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men. You either learn to tolerate them or move on. As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere. Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.
Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause). The pair don't tend to get along either. This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce. Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too. A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is. Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.
So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger. However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them. They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
Yet, people change and the man you first encountered days, weeks, or years ago is no exception. Life throws a curve ball (financial challenges, difficult exes, bitter children, poor business decisions, etc.) and that quiet and gentle older man slowly turns into a distant older man with a lot on his mind and being in a relationship with his young companion is no longer a consideration. His bodily issues get the best of him, his conversation isn't what it use to be, and he is seemingly disinterested in her and all that is connected with the young lady.
Young women who have dated, married or befriended older men who initially have a quiet and gentle spirit learn sooner or later that they just can't do much with easily distracted and self-absorbed men. You either learn to tolerate them or move on. As much as you would like to have that great guy again, he isn't coming back (at least not on a regular basis). His head, finances, and possibly energy is elsewhere. Sure, you might see that sparkle in his eyes every now and again and may enjoy his company in spurts, but in time he is back to that person you would have never even looked at much less dated.
Older men who change so suddenly or gradually due to life challenges can be difficult for older women too since many mature ladies are also going through their changes (i.e. menopause). The pair don't tend to get along either. This is why for a number of couples they separate or divorce. Things don't get much better between the older men with andropause and the young women with PMS related symptoms and more when the newness wears off too. A grumpy older man is what he is and a young woman going through much is who she is. Neither can positively influence the other for long before one or both grows weary of the other.
So these older, quiet gentle men who appear so warm and friendly, they exist, but beware of the changes ahead if you are younger. However, keep in mind there are those who are mere actors and all that glitters isn't always gold with them. They promise much but in the end, as we all know, many people break promises.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and other books.
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