"That is just so wrong what she did to you...you are a good guy...well, that's okay, I'm not like her," says the young woman who doesn't know any better. She believes that because she is in the middle-aged man's life that all will be okay, but will it? Rather than be critical or assume falsely she was a bad ex, a wise young woman would ask herself, "What did the ex-husband do to drive the poor woman insane?" Then she would be observant of everything the man is doing and saying to her and others while making a determination whether or not she could tolerate her lover in the long-term.
The ex-wife (or wives) drove him out the family home for reasons beyond what those closest to the former couple knows. She signed the divorce papers with good cause. There was something wrong, terribly wrong with the man she once fell in love with and she could no longer subject herself to her former husband's abusive ways. Abuse comes in many forms besides physical--a person can only put up with so much before the mind and body beg to be rid of The Problem.
Often the talk of male midlife crisis comes up when an older man dates a younger woman, but what rarely is mentioned in troubled relationships is personality disorders. You may have welcomed a broken man into your life who has yet to unveil his true colors. From bipolar disorder to schizophrenia, there are many 40 plus men with mental issues, in addition to male midlife challenges, that are too complex to deal with for an ex-wife much less a young lover. These men may have even stumped a few doctors over the years with all their problems.
Sometimes young women will speculate on how and why things ended in their mate's last relationship based on what he says. However, as she learns more about his past, she discovers that there was really more to her lover's reasons for the break up than what he cared to mention.
Personality disorders aren't to be taken lightly. They can't be dismissed when they manifest themselves under great stress then stick around a lot longer than expected. Men tend to do many unorthodox things when they can't get a grip on what is happening on the inside of their mind, body and spirit and aren't much interested in getting necessary help. What's worse, busy people, with full schedules, don't see the signs a relative or friend is indeed falling apart. Others choose to ignore these troubled males, because they don't want to take on yet another burden. They say, "He will be okay...I will just pray about...I hope he doesn't hurt anyone. Maybe he will break up with his new lady friend before she learns how he truly is."
The menopausal wife who decided to give her ex the walking papers decided to deal with her own issues apart from a troubled husband. She refused to keep assisting someone who may have hurt her very badly all the while refusing to change.
The young woman might want to think twice about her older date's history before committing. If she should make a rash decision, she may learn later that she indeed bit off more than she could chew. If one reading this has mental issues, be honest with your partner, take necessary medications/vitamin supplements and don't expect someone to be the cure all for your emotional and hormonal issues.
For others dating older, pay attention to signs that an older man has a personality disorder by doing things like:
1. Watching the way he looks at you. Does his stare make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you want to get out of his presence?
2. Do you fight with thoughts inside your mind of staying with him or breaking up?
3. Do you often find yourself being blamed by him for things you didn't think or do?
4. Does he frequently put words in your mouth or twist your communication?
5. Is he controlling and forbids you to go places or see certain people?
6. Does he fight with you about things that shouldn't matter much like a simple statement or comment to help him?
7. Does he have subtle or bold quirks about him or strange mannerisms that others would say, "There's something not quite right with him."
Anger outbursts, silent treatment, pressure that keeps you tensed/emotional, false accusations, sneaky or unexplainable behavior, sexual problems, and frequent lying are all signs that there is definitely something wrong with a friend.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Is it Really Love or Societal Brainwashing? Making Boys out of Grown Men
"If I am more concerned about the way I look and feel while making someone else happy who just so happens to be younger than me, then I am going to overlook those people and things around me that don't feed my ego--no matter how important they might be to me." Sounds like a little crazy thinking, huh? Well, the selfish, arrogant, mid-life male has an interesting way of reasoning why he does what he does. "I need love, I need someone to appreciate me...and by God, I'm going to find her!" How about thinking like this, "I am unhappy right now about many things and rather than focus on someone else or something else making me happy, I choose to focus internally on a broken me, how might I be able to fix me?" Sometimes it is simply a trip to the doctor that helps, a moment with one's Creator, and a supportive network of others who are solving their woes.
Let's face it, we all are aging, even the young women out there, but what seems to be happening is this fight to look and feel younger is messing with many supposedly mature men's minds to the point that they are losing jobs, money, marriages, relationships with children, and more!
I have read comment after comment on various sites about 50 plus year old men finding 20 something young women "compatible, fun, sexy," etc. It is nice to read that many men have found a compatible partner that "...gets me," so some say. However, are they really in love or is it lust? If we were to interview these same men who have been dating for a month, or a year or more later, will they still feel head-over-heels in like/love for their young mates?
With so much media hype about defying age, one can easily band aid one's crisis with someone or something that doesn't remind him or her, "You are getting old..." there are more than enough options. It doesn't help matters when you don't have supportive people around you. Older women tend to make less than uplifiting comments about aging, mature friends will joke about getting older, and even young people will tease the middle-aged about what they look like, but for some men it is no laughing matter about growing older, so they defy it by doing just about anything that says, "You still got it, man!"
Many mature men aren't interested in young women simply because they don't want to take advantage of them, they are like daughters in their eyes. These men consider themselves wise and aren't the least bit interested in seeking a fountain of youth. They love their wives, appreciate their sons and daughters, and are content with who they are--gray hair and all! Some mid-life men who aren't so blessed to have a family that is still intact, refuse to allow media brainwashing to make them feel like they ought to find someone younger to complete them, so they too opt out of the age gap dating scene.
When one is in love, of course, age doesn't matter, flaws are of little concern, and one is enamored with all there is, beauty, brains, body--you name it! But every now and then, the idea will pop up in a mid-life man's mind that his young partner will awake to a harsh reality. "He just is too old for me...he isn't what I had in mind...what am I missing out on by being with him...how much longer will he be able to satisfy me sexually? I think my parents are right, he's just too d*mn old!"
One must contemplate whether a May-December relationship is just that, meant to be only months long, rather than years. Tricks are for kids and one who is maturing and aware that time is important, doesn't want to play any games with his life. Yet, society plays mind games on many middle-aged men by telling them to do things like: watch games made for boys, play games made for boys, buy boys' toys, and sit amongst The Boys. So if one is so focused on activities made for boys, where does a mature woman fit in? She doesn't. So off he goes with the girlfriend meant for a boy not for a man--get it? Thinking back, what do most young adult boys do anyway? Lust after young girls then have sex with them. They play a sport or two, work a job, spend money on an expensive toy, drink alcohol, travel, and do it all over again tomorrow without a care--that is until the following happens: someone says, "I love you!" She contracts an STD, says she's pregnant, wants to get married, asks for one's money or wants to drive his car, now the adult boy is forced to become a man. Now what he does with that young woman, during those trials, will determine how much of a man he truly is-- age is irrelevant. "I don't know what to do...why didn't you protect yourself...who were you sleeping with...you aren't getting my money...you aren't driving my car...you're not my wife...I'm not marrying you!" The adult boy, full of regret, plays the blame game, looks for an escape, and acts selfishly. This is why he can't last with a woman his own age, the mind has yet to mature. And how will it, when he constantly permits himself to be programmed by people and systems who are unsupportive of the natural aging process?
We must all take some time to question our motives, our feelings, and why we do what we do. For some mature men, young women lose their shine after awhile, especially when some ladies can see through an adult boy's games. They know when they are being played, and sooner or later they will either create a game of their own or bail out. Some mature men lose their shine because they just don't get the younger women particularly the wise ones. However, young women don't become wise overnight and neither do adult boys who still have a lot of growing up to do! Both need time to understand who they are before they can understand one another and they must also recognize when they are being brainwashed by the powers that be. Is he really having a male midlife? Is she really seeking a father figure?
In closing, men: avoid the "boys will be boys" mentality coupled with age defiance, and get real with yourself, your family, and that one you claim you love!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books. She is looking to advance her virtual assistant role and small self-publishing business in the near future. Learn more here. Angel investors are welcome!
Let's face it, we all are aging, even the young women out there, but what seems to be happening is this fight to look and feel younger is messing with many supposedly mature men's minds to the point that they are losing jobs, money, marriages, relationships with children, and more!
I have read comment after comment on various sites about 50 plus year old men finding 20 something young women "compatible, fun, sexy," etc. It is nice to read that many men have found a compatible partner that "...gets me," so some say. However, are they really in love or is it lust? If we were to interview these same men who have been dating for a month, or a year or more later, will they still feel head-over-heels in like/love for their young mates?
With so much media hype about defying age, one can easily band aid one's crisis with someone or something that doesn't remind him or her, "You are getting old..." there are more than enough options. It doesn't help matters when you don't have supportive people around you. Older women tend to make less than uplifiting comments about aging, mature friends will joke about getting older, and even young people will tease the middle-aged about what they look like, but for some men it is no laughing matter about growing older, so they defy it by doing just about anything that says, "You still got it, man!"
Many mature men aren't interested in young women simply because they don't want to take advantage of them, they are like daughters in their eyes. These men consider themselves wise and aren't the least bit interested in seeking a fountain of youth. They love their wives, appreciate their sons and daughters, and are content with who they are--gray hair and all! Some mid-life men who aren't so blessed to have a family that is still intact, refuse to allow media brainwashing to make them feel like they ought to find someone younger to complete them, so they too opt out of the age gap dating scene.
When one is in love, of course, age doesn't matter, flaws are of little concern, and one is enamored with all there is, beauty, brains, body--you name it! But every now and then, the idea will pop up in a mid-life man's mind that his young partner will awake to a harsh reality. "He just is too old for me...he isn't what I had in mind...what am I missing out on by being with him...how much longer will he be able to satisfy me sexually? I think my parents are right, he's just too d*mn old!"
One must contemplate whether a May-December relationship is just that, meant to be only months long, rather than years. Tricks are for kids and one who is maturing and aware that time is important, doesn't want to play any games with his life. Yet, society plays mind games on many middle-aged men by telling them to do things like: watch games made for boys, play games made for boys, buy boys' toys, and sit amongst The Boys. So if one is so focused on activities made for boys, where does a mature woman fit in? She doesn't. So off he goes with the girlfriend meant for a boy not for a man--get it? Thinking back, what do most young adult boys do anyway? Lust after young girls then have sex with them. They play a sport or two, work a job, spend money on an expensive toy, drink alcohol, travel, and do it all over again tomorrow without a care--that is until the following happens: someone says, "I love you!" She contracts an STD, says she's pregnant, wants to get married, asks for one's money or wants to drive his car, now the adult boy is forced to become a man. Now what he does with that young woman, during those trials, will determine how much of a man he truly is-- age is irrelevant. "I don't know what to do...why didn't you protect yourself...who were you sleeping with...you aren't getting my money...you aren't driving my car...you're not my wife...I'm not marrying you!" The adult boy, full of regret, plays the blame game, looks for an escape, and acts selfishly. This is why he can't last with a woman his own age, the mind has yet to mature. And how will it, when he constantly permits himself to be programmed by people and systems who are unsupportive of the natural aging process?
We must all take some time to question our motives, our feelings, and why we do what we do. For some mature men, young women lose their shine after awhile, especially when some ladies can see through an adult boy's games. They know when they are being played, and sooner or later they will either create a game of their own or bail out. Some mature men lose their shine because they just don't get the younger women particularly the wise ones. However, young women don't become wise overnight and neither do adult boys who still have a lot of growing up to do! Both need time to understand who they are before they can understand one another and they must also recognize when they are being brainwashed by the powers that be. Is he really having a male midlife? Is she really seeking a father figure?
In closing, men: avoid the "boys will be boys" mentality coupled with age defiance, and get real with yourself, your family, and that one you claim you love!
Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books. She is looking to advance her virtual assistant role and small self-publishing business in the near future. Learn more here. Angel investors are welcome!
Tuesday
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