Is that Your Dad?

Age-Gap Dating: He's Old, Your Not -- So What's the Problem?

There is no age on love.  When you love someone you just do, there are no disclaimers, no shallow reasons, and no convincing oneself through affirmations!  You aren't focused on what the person looks like; rather you are more concerned with how your special someone makes you feel.  However, when the person isn't doing his or her part to make you feel special, you will begin to see flaws--all of them.  In time, the person's weaknesses become what's important rather than everything else if you don't keep things in proper perspective--you aren't perfect either!

An older man may have his own personal identity crisis due to the aging process complete with erratic hormone levels and the like.  Sometimes he takes his issues out on his youthful beauty, other times he doesn't.  Problems arise in the relationship when there is the up and down roller coaster ride of emotions that might be triggered for any number of reasons.  One day the mature man is confident in the relationship the next, he is not.  Although age might not be a factor (just yet) with the young woman, it may be an issue with him.  The young woman isn't aging as quickly as the older man.  She isn't experiencing any mid-life crisis.  She has very few, if any, unresolved issues from the past.  Her debt isn't any where near his.  Jealousy just might rear it's ugly head with some insecure, older men.

Witnesses who interact with the couple might see some things that they don't see in the couple's relationship.  If the older man is acting in ways that make the young woman consider things like breaking up, there is cause for concern.  Despite her youthful age and look, she might be feeling like the trouble of being with someone older just isn't worth it no matter how much money, notoriety or other things her older partner might have.

If you find yourself going through a myriad of emotions related to his age, think about whether dating an older man with his own set of personal hangups is really something you can tolerate long-term in addition to everything else you might be dealing with in your life.

Nicholl McGuire

When a Relative Says " No Way" to Dating the Old Dude

Not everyone in the family will be supportive of a young woman dating an older fellow.  When this happens, it makes it difficult to focus on the relationship.  Male relatives can be overprotective and even threatening when it comes to their loved one going out with the "old dude" they may even wish death upon him for coming into their young relative's life.

Any man who sincerely wants to be in a relationship with someone will fight to be with his partner, but he won't be a fool to stay when all hell is breaking lose because of his mere existence.  One would be wise to determine what type of fight will he be fighting and how long in order to stay with his young date.  He will also need to observe his young partner's mannerisms whe dealing with family. She may still be too young mentally to handle being in a relationship with a mature man and too fearful to stand up to family.

Threats of violence from the woman's family members and friends just isn't worth it although some men enjoy a challenge.  However, one would be better off waiting until the young woman is independent and away from troubled relatives.  If she is in love and genuinely cares for her older man, she must understand that he is not going to keep putting his life at risk to be with her--no matter how beautiful she might be.  Chances are a relative or friend may have warned him to go away or else.

"The old dude" is typically hated by one or a few relatives simply because he may have done some things to the young woman that she shared with relatives who were supposed to keep quiet about, but didn't.  They don't like "the old dude" for good reason even if all parties don't know what about. 

Sometimes the older man did nothing during the dating process to hurt the young lady, but just the sight of an aging man going out with the young, attractive person just might be too much to bear for some.  Thoughts might be, "What does he want with my daughter/niece/sister/cousin?  Who does he think he is showing up at my doorstep...I know his type!?"  That type might be like the one questioning the relationship, a liar, cheat, pimp, player type.  It takes one, to know one.

The couple will want to consider the family's objections; however, don't permit loved ones to dominate one's choice in a partner.  Maybe there are some things that they see in one or both individuals that are a sincere cause for concern. 

Nicholl McGuire also maintains and contributes to the blog:  Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. and Relationship Advice.

Understand a Father Daughter Relationship Before You Date a Young Woman

If the young woman doesn't feel love from her own father, she may be a problem for you.  A good father raises his daughter to be self-reliant, spiritual, loving, etc.  If she isn't interested in being controlled, reliant on you, and has a faith, be grateful for that!  Don't fight her on it. If her dad is protective, he has good reason. Check your own relationship with your daughter or the one you never had. Could you be involved with a young woman because you really desire a quality father daughter relationship?