Wednesday

Test Whether a Date is Trustworthy

Sometimes dating is far more difficult than it should be simply because dates are not honest with themselves or others.  In order to learn whether someone is trust worthy, you will need to put them through some tests.

1)  Place money in a spot and notice whether your date will take it without mentioning that it is there.

2)  Share seemingly private information to a date and notice whether he or she will carry that information to a mutual friend.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
3)  Tell your date something strange or embarrassing and add, “I don’t want my mother to know.”  Then take your date to meet your mother.  Visit with Mom or parents for awhile and find out later if your date shared anything personal about you to them.  No matter how silly it was or even made up, your date has showed he or she can’t be trusted with valuable information.  You can test your date again this time visiting a chatty friend and notice whether he or she mentions something private about you.

4)  Leave your phone out with no privacy settings.  Will your date take a look?  Set up a hidden camera.

5)  Set one of your bedroom drawers in such a way where you purposely leave something hanging out.  Inside the drawer leave an old wallet or change purse and see if any of the contents were checked or removed.

6)  Set an envelope out in the open that says “confidential,” will your date ask you about it or wait until you leave and check it.

7)  Send your date to pick up something from a store using a debit card you don’t have much money on.  Specifically state a dollar amount your date is permitted to spend, will he or she spend more than what you told him or her?  Worse, will he or she fail to get you what you want and come back with something else for self!

With tips like these, you will easily be able to determine your date’s level of trustworthiness.  Most people who fail a few or more of these tests are usually selfish, dishonest and manipulative.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She’s Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.  

Friday

The Isolated, Controlled Young Victim (Woman)

She didn’t realize she had isolated herself from family and friends until she stopped hearing the phone ring.

The older gentlemen didn’t fully comprehend what he had done when he told his Significant Younger Other things like: “Stay home with me sometime…”, “You go out too much,” “Miss you,” “Can’t get enough of you…”  When the young woman dismissed what he had said, questioned, or ignored his concerns, he punished her with silent treatment for weeks.  He understood somewhat that his guilt-tripping her was upsetting.  However, he felt justified in doing so because he didn’t like feeling uncomfortable when she was gone away.  Further, he didn’t like her reasons for wanting to enjoy herself without him periodically.


In time, she learned how to do what he wanted to “keep the peace,” “to keep him from giving her the cold shoulder,” and “to get along, because the stress wasn’t worth it.”  The victim believed she was compromising and building a healthy relationship, but was she?

The controlling man had won!  Although at times the victim felt alone, confused, and didn’t feel like she could do anything right, she shrugged her emotions off.  The concerns about her leaving grew into other issues the older man felt he needed to manage.  He wanted her to be more generous with her finances.  Then the abuser expected her to meet household needs like: grocery shopping and cleaning.  While his demands increased, her self-esteem decreased.

Isolation keeps others from knowing exactly what is going on in one’s relationship.  A victim learns to grow dependent on her controller and less independent.  Insecure abusers, who also have low self-esteem, feel a sense of importance when they are able to manipulate their victims into giving up their freedom.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

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